Archive for November, 2007


  • How to Cure PackRat-itis

    Posted on 11.29.07 | 63 Comments

    dinning-room.jpg
    Photo: Comprex from contemporist

    How do you feel when sitting at home? Calm and peaceful, nestled in your neatly kept place? Or could your space use some love, organization and cleaning? If you fall into the former category, that’s awesome, skip the article and please share tips on how you keep such a tidy place in the comments. If you can barely type over the pile of stuff on your desk, then hopefully you’ll find inspiration in the words below.

    I used to be quite a pack rat. I seldom threw anything away. I loved to take home everything I could get for free, such as promotional items from work, or odds-and-ends donated from friends. At one point, I discover that I had stuffed more than 20 techie t-shirts from various University recruiting events at the back of my closet. Yikes! Perhaps I formed this habit during my poor, uncared-for university days. Maybe I was influenced having grown up in a communist country, where everything was limited and nothing was thrown away. Basically, I had accumulated A TON of stuff from years past. Not only was it difficult to find things, but my mind was constantly filled with thoughts about what to do with all my stuff. Each time a closet was opened, I was reminded of the stuff I had, and the endless organizing I still needed to do. Even if we claim that our messy environment doesn’t bother us, each piece of clutter still takes up mental energy in our minds. (read more…)



    Popular search terms for this article:

    Filed under: clarity   

  • How to Build Intimacy in Any Relationship

    Posted on 11.23.07 | 44 Comments

    Cindy and Emma

    Photo by Cindy Loughridge

    “The best and most beautiful things in this world
    cannot be seen or even heard,
    but must be felt with the heart.    ”
    ~ Helen Keller

    You know how things can get so busy sometimes, that not only do we forget to connect with ourselves, but also forget to connect with the people we love most? People like our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends. I mean, we may see them, but we don’t necessarily take time to connect with them. We often tell ourselves that we can make it up to them once our busy schedule slows down. Funny thing is, our schedule never slows down. We really have to schedule our most important priorities first. I am always on the lookout for simple tools I can use to maintain my close relationships.

    Reader Chris Sharp shared with me a daily routine him and his wife use. They call it their Daily Wins And Realizations; a time set aside to connect with their loved one every day. I didn’t ask for details, but I was inspired by the name and was intrigued by the possibilities and positive effects it could have on a relationship. I suggested to my partner, that we share our Wins and Realizations every evening after dinner. We have found the process to be enriching and deeply rewarding. It gives us a time and space to connect every day, deliberately. The exercise has been beautiful to observe and I wanted to share it with you.

    Before diving further, I wanted to point out that this isn’t just effective in a romantic relationship, but in all relationships. Open communication, sharing and understanding is at the core of intimacy in any relationship and friendship. Try it for a few days with your mom (warning: you will melt her heart with love). This will also be an effective practice in friendship building with trusted friends. The word intimacy in this context is not referring to sexual intimacy, but the closeness and trust between two people through exchange of their inner most thoughts and values. I’m sure you can relate, that some of the most rewarding relationships are built this way.

    Here are the reason why we fell in love with this daily routine:

    • It gives us an opportunity to express ourselves freely.
    • We get to be listened to and supported emotionally by another person.
    • You are important – You become a priority and focus of attention.
    • It is a deeply intimate experience where we connect at the soul level as spiritual beings.
    • I find that as I am expressing myself, that I’ll come up with even more realizations. I gain clarity as I articulate out my daily realizations and learning.
    • Gratitude is a pleasant side effect of this practice. Sharing your wins is like giving gratitude for things you are thankful for today.
    • Show the other person how important they are.
    • Enjoy the purity and innocence in your partner.
    • Practice open communication
    • Sharing the things you’ve learned with the other person and learning from their realizations.
    • The moment is highly energizing. When we’re done with our ‘daily wins and realizations’, I feel so full of positive energy that I’m ready to save the world. I’m exaggerating, but you know what I mean. I often follow the evening with something productively creative, like writing a new article or designing a new layout.
    • Both parties will leave feeling great about themselves and their relationship with the other person.

    Here’s a beautiful quote from Steve Pavlina when speaking about empowered relationships:

    “Everyone you meet in your life – even total strangers – are already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body. (…) When you look at other people, you’re really looking at yourself. “

    – Steve Pavlina

    The following tips explain how we adopted “Daily Wins & Realizations“. Feel free to adapt these concepts, as the process is not as important as the moment of expression.

    1. Time – set aside time for time to connect. We’ve been setting aside 10 minutes after dinner, but have managed to go well past 10 minutes every day. It’s been so much fun, that we sometimes start new discussions based on topics shared.

    2. Place – Find somewhere comfortable that’s not a bed, so you don’t fall asleep. :) We use the couch or sometimes do so at a restaurant.

    3. One Person Asks the Question – Person A asks, “What are some of your wins and realizations today?” as person B answers. Sometimes, person B may have a hard time answering this, you can change the question slightly to “What did you learn today?” or “What are you Thankful for today?” Our wins and realizations have been anything from things we are grateful for today, to a realization about ourselves, to a summary of what we learned from a TED talk we watched, to something we read today.

    4. No Interruptions – As person B answers, person A should not be interrupting. If you feel an urge to jump in, bite your tongue, write it down or save it for when it’s your turn. It is important to fully listen to the person speaking with openness and compassion, it is their time to express themselves, give them that time and space without interruption.

    “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears
    so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
    –Epictetus

    5. Thank the Speaker - When person B is done. Person A will say something encourage acknowledging what’s been said. Something like “That’s great! Those are some great realizations and big wins!“, “Thank you for sharing!“

    6. Repeat – Repeat steps 3 to 5 with the persons reversed. Person B will ask the same question to person A.

    7. “Cuddle Fest” – Give each other a big Hug with sincerity and love. We call it the ‘cuddle fest’, Tommy (our 8lb fluffy dog) typically will join in the celebration as well.

    Simple, huh? If both people are open, non-judgmental, and genuine, you will find the result to be phenomenal in building intimacy with your partner or your friend. Let me know how this practice will turn out in your relationships. I can’t wait to hear them.

    Any practices you’ve found useful in building intimacy and closeness with your loved one? Do share in the comments!

    If you enjoyed this article, please share it on StumbleUpon, or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. I appreciate your support. :)

    Other Articles You May Like:

    External Resources on Relationship Building:

    Are you still having problems building intimacy in your relationship? You can always spice up the bedroom scene with many different things. If you are looking to make that 25th anniversary extra special then send some sexy lingerie to your lover. You can also have roses sent to your loved one or sprinkle rose pedals on the floor in a room with white candles lit all around.



    Popular search terms for this article:

    Filed under: relationships   

  • How to Be Naked like a Baby

    Posted on 11.21.07 | 53 Comments

    child-innocence.jpg

    Photo by Matthew Bennion

    … And Just as Happy

    Why is it that once we become adults, we become so serious all the time (generally speaking). We get so caught up in the hectic race of everyday life that we forget that we are here to experience joy, to experience Life. We forget to smile and enjoy the beauty of the present moment. I notice that I fall into the many demands of my life story. Recently, I have gotten so busy that a week can pass without realizing. I don’t get the chance to slow down once to reflect and to be present. I seem to fall into the pattern of constantly living in the future, running after that next goal or achieving that next task on my never-ending list of Todos. Let’s take this moment to slow down, just for a few minutes.

    Small children and family pets (dogs, cats) can serve as great ‘Zen’ teachers. Have you observed them before? Try it. It is so beautiful to watch the innocence of a small child, or a dog. They are so present in the moment, stress-free, open to their feelings and are a bundle of joy. I tell people that my dog Tommy is “made of love” because from observing him, he really is! A fluff of positive energy, which serves as a constant reminder to be positive in any situation and to not take things so seriously. Live life, enjoy the moment.

    I also believe that child-like innocence and creativity have a direct connection. I work with lots of artists and creative people, and I have found that child-like innocence are very common among all of them. The purity, the openness, and the awareness of the present moment are clearly shown through interacting with each of them.

    We can guide ourselves back to the inner child in us. You ready? Let’s first start with some common traits and characteristics of our cute little ‘Zen masters’: (read more…)



    Popular search terms for this article:

    Filed under: happiness   

  • How to Reduce Information Overload

    Posted on 11.16.07 | 41 Comments

    information-overload.jpg

    We live in a world full of information being thrown at us, every moment of the day, constantly demanding our attention. In our everyday lives, we are being constantly hit with streams of incoming information. I recall days where I just felt so ‘full’ from information that my mind feels numb, and I’m sure you can relate.

    Information overload occurs when we try to receive more information than can be processed. The noise this effort creates in our minds and our lives can be overwhelming. Here are the reasons that I decided to consciously reduce my information appetite:

    • Productivity Loss – In the face of too much information, we can easily get lost in the details. We waste time focusing on unimportant information and lose sight of our goal and purpose. The extra data distracts away from our major tasks for the day. How often have you turned on your computer to check email, and ended up surfing the net for hours?
    • Mind Clutter – The noise created by media, and other sources of information, clutters our mind and takes away from our inner peace.
    • Lack of Time – Rich or poor, young or old, we all have the same limited amount of time in a day. And instead of spending a good chunk of my day filtering through incoming information, I’d rather spend the energy on bringing more enjoyment and fulfillment into my life. I want less time catching information and more time to live life.
    • Lack of Personal Reflection – I found that if I am constantly consuming information, then I forget to connect with myself. I have found that valuable personal reflection comes when we create a ‘space’ for it in our lives. An example is the person who constantly has the radio on. If there is always noise, then we won’t have the mental capacity to reflect within.
    • Stress & Anxiety – Information inflow creates the illusion that we have more tasks to fill our lives, than we have time for. Often, we might suddenly feel nervous without understanding why. Every piece of information carries with it energy, which demands our time. Even if we consciously ignore it, part of us saw that data and recorded it within our subconscious. So, we feel that we have lots and lots to do. This can create stress.

    Too much of a good thing is never good, and this is especially true of information. We can’t live without a certain amount of information, and much of it is unavoidable anyway.

    The following are ways to reduce your consumption to diminish the chaos and bring peace of mind:
    (read more…)



    Popular search terms for this article:

    Filed under: productivity   

« Previous Entries