6 Steps to Deflate Self-Defeating Fears

Photo: stock photo

Have you ever justified your lack of success towards a goal with the excuse that you lacked the experience? Or that you lacked the resources: money and time? Did you give up before you even tried?

Have you ever looked at a competition in your field and justified their success to something trivial like:

She’s successful, because she’s got better computer skills.
He’s successful because he knows the right people.
They are successful because they’ve been doing this for many years.
John did it, because he’s loaded, he has more money than I’ll ever see.
Maggie has always been luckier than me.

We’ve missed the real work behind the scene. We’ve robbed them of the real reason why they are successful. Plus, we have spent extra energy justifying our lack of success and missed real opportunities to learn from their excellence.

You are not alone…

There are many of us along with you, struggling with similar experiences based on the same self-inflicted self-limiting thinking. This might sound harsh, but it is reality and in order to shine light on the matter, we must look at it with a critical eye and be honest with … ourselves.

If you are feeling defensive by my above statements, bare with me, hear me out. I’m not labeling this as bad, but rather, something I am going through which I choose not to have in my life. I’m constantly working on my mindset and I wanted to share my experiences with you.

First, a personal story:

I recently came up with an idea for a new advertising network which I was interested in pursuing. I had spent several hours today doing market research. As I went from site to site, I would click on the about section and read the bios of founders. I found myself scanning through the bios looking for keywords related to advertising or publishing. After doing this for about an hour, I finally caught on to what I was doing subconsciously. You see, I wasn’t exactly researching for existing markets, but rather was looking for excuses why I would fail in this foreign market. “Wow… what an insight.” I thought.

Can you believe it? I was actually looking up the backgrounds of founders, specifically looking for qualifications and related experiences for which I lacked. My mind was looking for evidences to justify why they’ve succeeded and why I will not succeed because I lacked these experiences. This realization woke me up and brought back memories from several years ago where I’d unconsciously allowed this self-limiting belief to stop me from living a full life, thus limiting my potential for happiness and fulfillment.

So, what are you saying?

I genuinely believe that we often compromise our goals through a limiting, self-imposed, mindset and a fear of failure. Mindset is everything. We may not be able to control the thoughts our mind throws at us, but we can choose to remain conscious and observe these thoughts rather than instantly reacting to them.

It is so easy to get caught up in the artifacts of our own mind. Our mind’s job is to keep us the same, and thus to instill fear in us to pursue goals outside our comfort zone. This is natural and instinctual. We all experience it. But for anyone who’s achieved what they really wanted, they’ve learned to move beyond it. To act in spite of the fear.

Here are 6 steps to overcome this voice in us that has the potential to stop us from pursuing and reaching our dreams:

Step 1: Hearing & Recognizing the Voice

Become aware of what excuses your mind is saying to delay or deceit action. Here are common ones I’ve picked up on:

I don’t have educational background, maybe I’ll do it after I’ve gained X degrees.
I don’t have enough money to pursue this. I can’t afford it.
I just don’t have any time.
I don’t have the right connections in this market.
What the heck do I know about X? Nothing. It’s never gonna work.
I have not learned enough about this. I need to know everything first.

Watch your language when speaking to another person. Watch the phrases you use, are you making excuses? Are you justifying a situation with thoughts of lack and limitation?

Step 2: Beware of ‘Analysis Paralysis’

I’ve fallen into this trap many times before. Analysis Paralysis is the perception that you need to understand every single element of how to do something before actually taking any action towards a project (You may have a better definition, but you get my gist.).

Here’s a scenario from my life to demonstrate this. Before pursuing a project, I would spend days and weeks on researching and analyzing the market. During this time, I’ve gathered enough reason why I will fail, thus after all this time invested, I would end up taking no action.

If I had spent this time doing minimal research and then dived straight into action, I would have gained valuable experiences than had I just sat there looking for reasons to failure. I may have even succeeded during that time.

Yes, it is important to do your research and understand a market. The problem arises when we are not conscious of our goals and purpose for researching. It is very easy to fall into analysis paralysis, which serves as another form of excuse to delay action (if any).

Step 3: Catch Yourself from the Chasm of Self-Defeating Thoughts

Our thoughts can easily become a downward spiral. While dwelling on a self-defeating thought pattern, if we do not interrupt it and consciously bring ourselves out, we can become paralyzed by fear and lack.

You can shift your emotions and interrupt your self-defeating thoughts by:

Changing your language. – Instead of saying I can’t do this because I don’t have enough experience. Try changing your language to I don’t yet have much experience with this, but I’m confident I could master it. Let me start today.
Changing your physiology. – Get up and move around. Do something different that dramatically changes your current physical state. Do 20 jumping-jacks while singing happy birthday. This is a powerful tool to interrupt any thought patterns.
Changing your focus. – What are you focused on? Explicitly find something else to focus on for awhile.

Step 4: Know Your Mind is Not You

Your mind’s perception is not you. Just because you have a self-defeating thought, does not mean that it is true, or that you need to follow its lure. I know this is a tough one, but trust me, you are not your thoughts, you are not your mind, you are not your ego. You are divine, you are precious and you have it within yourself to fulfill your heart’s deepest desires.

Step 5: Look for the Great Value You Have to Offer

Instead of looking for reasons why we cannot be successful against another person with a head start, look for reasons why you will win by providing value that the competition has not.

Look for opportunities instead of missed opportunities. Look for things that contributed to others success and use them as inspirations to better your own venture. Look for things that others have done well, learn from them.

Focus on creating massive value. Expect to give more than you receive in return. Once this simple concept is genuinely practiced and integrated, you’ll find that the competition really does not matter for you to fulfill your vision.

Step 6: Forget about the ‘How’, Focus on the ‘What‘

It is easy to get caught up in the details of How you’re going to accomplish your goal, before you begin acting on the idea or project. When you get too caught up in How, you are likely welcomed with a long list of what may seem like impossible tasks. This is very discouraging and will slow down momentum. Besides, things rarely play out as you expect. Yes, it is important to have plans towards accomplishing a goal, but create plans with high-level views without being too boggled down on the How.

Time is much better spent on creating a clear, concrete and measurable target. Know exactly what it is that you want (whether it is a project or in life), create a rough plan and then dive in with massive action. Focus on what you can do now, right now!

As with driving a car late at night along a country-side road, it’s dark outside and you can only see the roads two meters ahead of you. You know your destination (your target) and you know that the road will eventually lead you there (your plan). All you can do now is to focus on the next two meters and then the two meters after that (what you can do now). You know that this will lead you there, as long as the car stays pointed down the road.

Parting Thoughts

I share the same fears with everyone else. In fact, I feel them all the time. So much so that several years ago, I would shake at the thought of something that scared me. My hands would tremor and I could feel my heart in my throat. :) I’ve since learned to dive in, to just do it, and learned that I will be safe once I land on the other side. Every single time when I’ve put my heart into something, something that scared me or otherwise, I have never failed. Things always turned out better than my fear would allow me to see. Failure is when you give up. You can’t fail, if you don’t give up.

(And no, I’m not speaking about being stubborn. I’m referring to the persistence and faith to chase and reach your dreams.)

With love,
Tina
Seattle. 2:13 am, December 13, 2007.

Did you relate with this article? If so, did you make any realizations? We’d love to hear from you and your experiences in the comments. See you there.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg or bookmark it on del.icio.us. I appreciate your support. :)

Other Articles You May Like:

External Resources on Dealing with Fear:

Steve Pavlina: Overcoming Fear Podcast
Steve Pavlina: Overcoming Fear (Brian Tracy)
LifeLearningToday: Learn from Fear and You Will Transform Your Life

Like this article? Sign up for updates

Think Simple Now delivers weekly self-reflective, inspiring stories from real people. Join our empowering community: Entering your Email below and click Subscribe.

This entry was filed under clarity. Email this page.

Browse in Timeline:
« Your Guide to Get Spinning in the Idea Tornado
» Don’t Break Your Back! Tips to Healthy Posture

Advertising

65 Responses (61 Comments, 4 Trackbacks ):

Comments

randy
Dec 13 07, 9:13 am PDT

1
i have not yet read this piece in its entirety, but from the beginning i get the feeling that what you’re speaking about is more germane to business and professional fears. it is disappointing. are money and status the only things in life? i do not read this for executive training.

but like i said, i haven’t read the entire piece yet. once i do i will let you know if i have changed my opinion.
Max Norman

Dec 13 07, 9:20 am PDT

2
Wow, Tina…that was a spectacular tour de force of what you are capable of. This problem plaugues hundreds of thousands if not millions of people, and you, singlehandedly, showed them how to come out of that cocoon. Great job– I won’t be surprised if you get some thank you e-mails!

Max
randy
Dec 13 07, 9:47 am PDT

3
well i’ve read the whole thing now and it was pretty much what i thought it would be. which is okay, but that’s not my favorite type of article that you write.

keep up the good work, i will keep reading.
JEMi

Dec 13 07, 10:33 am PDT

4
I am so guilty of this that I had to laugh when I read this article. It was as if you were writing it with me in mind. I love entertaining new ideas, I get excited when I consider the possibilities. I’ve always been the type to dream BIG. But I tend to go through Analysis Paralysis (when I first heard this phrase, I was stunned by how true it was). I do spend an amazing amount of time researching – doing the same thing you did with showing myself how I am not as qualified as this or that person.

My new blog is my proof of just going for it and I must admit, it does feel great. So far learning as I go along hasn’t meant lightning has struck.. I get a lot of valuable information learning as I go as well as learning from the pros and my faves :) (this means you Tina!)

Anyway, thanks for this posting – this was a great one

powerful stuff – keep it up!
David Getchel

Dec 13 07, 11:12 am PDT

5
Awesome post! Very very true.
Raymond

Dec 13 07, 11:38 am PDT

6
Hey Tina,

Thanks for sharing your personal real life story. After reading your story, I think back to my own life and I found that I did that too, unconsciously.

Now I know that I should create a better awareness to my thoughts.
Brandon D

Dec 13 07, 12:13 pm PDT

7
This makes me realize a of the reasons why I failed in the past. I was always looking at missed opportunities, making up reasons why I could not succeed, and comparing my ego to people “better” than me. I think we need to depart from comparing our ego to others, and focus on merging with the “process” of achieving success. And if we cannot enjoy the process, then we need to ask ourselves, “do I really love what I’m doing? If not, perhaps it is not a part of my life purpose… I need to find out what my life purpose is and DO that.” If we do what we love, success will become imminent.
Adam

Dec 13 07, 1:39 pm PDT

8
I really enjoyed reading Tina’s personal examples about planning business ventures. If you really read and understand what she is saying, you discover that her ideas really apply to achieving anything in life. Whether it’s trying to get a date (“She’s too pretty, she’ll never want to go out with me”), buying a new car (“That car is too expensive for me, I can’t afford it”) or learning a new language (“I’ve never been good at picking up languages, there’s no way I’m going to be able to learn Swedish”). The same approach still applies.

What I really love about this blog is that there is no part of our lives that Tina’s words leave untouched.
Gil

Dec 13 07, 3:26 pm PDT

9
A very timely advice for me. Thanks Tina. I’ve actually come to peace with the idea that I’m sort of a like a fish (not that Gill is my realname) in a fishbowl. After flopping outside and gasping for air for a while, I’ve managed to get back inside the fishbowl. I now think that I can be whatever I want to be or achieve anything I dream of as long as I’m inside the fishbowl.

All of us have the power and means to be someone but on the perspective of a greater consciousness maybe there is a reason why we’re all like in a fishbowl too — with Earth being the great fish bowl in the universe.

Something in this article stuck with me and it’s Step 5. Look for the Great Value You Have to Offer. Maybe I can just continue to be the philosophical clown fish I was born to be even if to just make other fish giggle or smile. Being a clown fish doesn’t mean I couldn’t stop dreaming though. Especially now that I’m aware that there’s more to life than just swimming aimlessly inside a fish bowl. : )
Deb

Dec 13 07, 4:28 pm PDT

10
Thanks for sharing your tools for success, for overcoming our fears… It’s true that I often wonder how people are so ‘smart’ or so confident… It’s because they do what they set out to do, and do their best… not letting analysis paralysis overcome them…;) Like i do, too often…
Seeker

Dec 13 07, 4:52 pm PDT

11
Tina, this is an awesome article. You’re very right – we do look for reasons why we will not succeed. Like it is said, the only failure is not to have tried for the fear of failure. When we move forward, we find a way to make things happen. And even if we do not succeed, we gain wisdom from the process

———————————–
My Positivity Blog http://positivityhub.com/
Isabel

Dec 13 07, 4:57 pm PDT

12
Just stumbled upon your site. I like it very much. I loved the article as well. It’s very very true. Just what I needed to hear.

—————————————-
My Diet & Health Blog, http://www.merely-flawed.com
K Stone

Dec 13 07, 5:27 pm PDT

13
Wow. Awesome article. It’s always good to be reminded to fight that fear that is disguised as other things. Thanks for the link too!
Steve Nguyen

Dec 13 07, 5:31 pm PDT

14
What a great post! I think there is such universal appeal and relevance to what you shared about self-defeating fears and thoughts. My dream is to get a PhD and start my own crisis management consulting business and teach college part-time. “I don’t have enough money to pursue this. I can’t afford it” is something that gets played alot in my head because of my already outrageous student loan. I keep thinking to myself, “If only I have the money, I’d do it.”

So when I read your post, it was validating to see that others struggle with similar issues. I think I’ll start taking small, active steps to getting this “money” to pay for my schooling.

Thanks again Tina.
Robert @ reason4smile

Dec 13 07, 6:04 pm PDT

15
Hi Tina,
Another great article. One statement that I’m learning to use is “Thank you for sharing”, taught by T. Harv Eker. For everytime your little voice came out, representing your fear, doubt and worry, just thank them and shut them. And don’t be controlled by them.

Another insights I got from Harv Eker’s book is that rich people making action while poor people still preparing. That’s so true as what you said in analysis paralysis, when we see opportunities, we splash it with all our negativity, our excuses of not having this and that, and at the end we’re not doing it at all.

Thanks for reminding us to take action in spite of fear!
Robert
Personal Development for the Book Smart

Dec 13 07, 8:37 pm PDT

16
Step 6: Forget about the ‘How’, Focus on the ‘What‘ – Hey Tina, I believe that the WHY is more important than the how or the what. Only when you know why you must change can you go about defining what and how to change. That’s what I learned in NLP anyway =P

For those who still have so many fears and limiting beliefs, I suggest you look at these videos:

Nick Vujicic, the man with no limbs, on Perspective, Vision and Choices

This guy was born without arms and legs and yet he is able to achieve more things than “normal” people. He’s truly extraordinary.
Terri Holley

Dec 13 07, 8:41 pm PDT

17
Taming Your Gremlin

Excellent book!
Karl Jacobs

Dec 13 07, 9:41 pm PDT

18
Yeah!!! Tina, well said – Thank You.

Will post it with ZenHabits on Facebook.

Happy days,

K?rl
Mert Erkal

Dec 13 07, 10:25 pm PDT

19
Thanks for sharing your own experiences with me and your readers. It is good food for thought actually. Everytime i read your blog, i discover myself again and again. You are simply amazing!
Lucid

Dec 14 07, 4:37 am PDT

20
Hi Tina good morning!!!

What a nice inspirational post you have here! Words are well spoken and honest! I never went to college. At times I thought that would be my biggest set back. I started my family quite young. I went to work with no experience after my youngest went to school.

I used to say, “I have slipped through the cracks. I climbed the ladder with out them knowing that I had no degree.” But now I realize it was all me. It wasn’t luck. I didn’t slip, I worked my booty off to get where I am today. I have a successful career and I am proud of myself :)

6 helpful hints that I am sure will help alot of people! Have agreat weekend!
Anne-Marie M
Dec 14 07, 5:18 am PDT

21
Fantastic, enlightening and inspiring. Thank you Tina!
Modern Worker

Dec 14 07, 6:45 am PDT

22
I’ve reached a point in my career where I am more skilled than I’ve ever been, but with it has come some occasional doubts as to my true level of capability. Believing in one’s self is crucial to a happy attitude and continued success/growth =) Great post!
Will Lewis

Dec 14 07, 7:26 am PDT

23
Great Post! Last night I fell deep into depression. See I’m trying to start a small profiting business recording local bands but feeling overwhelmed with how to make enough profit to survive. The main problem my wife came to was not that I couldn’t figure out how to make enough money, but that I was so depressed about it I could think with a clear enough mind to see around the problem. Thank you Tina, this article will go up on my wall with the others that have pushed me past my own doubts to fulfill my heart’s desire to work in the music industry even if it means not making as much money, but being more content with my life and feeling whole.

Will
coreman
Dec 14 07, 7:28 am PDT

24
But…

Then sometimes you throw your whole body and soul into something, moving past fears and doubts. And then one day it all blows up rather spectacularly, and most/all of your fears and doubts then are suddenly reality.

What then?
@Stephen | Productivity in Context

Dec 14 07, 7:36 am PDT

25
This is a tremendous resource! I believe that you could make a month’s worth of posts out of this material. I am going to print this and keep it in my daily reading folder. Thanks! (and Stumbled!)
Tom

Dec 14 07, 7:37 am PDT

26
Wow… Tina… This is an eye-opener. Not only have you been very helpful to me personally with this post, you’ve gained a loyal reader.

Thanks!
Mark

Dec 14 07, 8:22 am PDT

27
Tina ~ just wanted to leave a note and say nice post!

Let me know if you are looking for collaborators for your ad network :)
stefano
Dec 14 07, 8:47 am PDT

28
This article is horribly rhetorical. Fear is the result of any number of cognitive distortions which effect reasoning. These statements offer nothing more than token emotional self-comfort for people without significant psychological problems. Your advice would be of absolutely no use in treating a major anxiety disorder, otherwise the standard applied for evaluating psychological treatment.

Anyone who understands the ridiculous complexity of human thought and behavior would be hesitant to post advice with no scientific or logical support. I suggest that you consider this before posting further advice.
Justin
Dec 14 07, 9:20 am PDT

29
Fantastic advice that too often will be ignored because it “can’t possibly apply to me”.

People wonder how I can know so much about so many things. Well, a lack of money can force you to learn a LOT of things. Yes, I have felt doubt as I faced a broken transmission, and remembered “Well, I’ve never done one – always wanted to say I’ve done one” and then just dove in. I’ve had to do my transmission 6-7 times. And you know what I know a lot more now than I did after the 1st failure. Don’t be afraid to fall down. You’ll get back up!

I’ve recently spent 9 weeks replacing my old rotten roof with a steel roof. I’ve never done one before, but took the time to learn, worked hard and realized once I took the old roof off, there was no turning back. :-) It’s beautiful, watertight, and now provides peace of mind for the rest of my life.

I’ve had my doubts when running for office. But when you really talk to many people, you find that so many of them have doubts that linger behind a big facade. They’re JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. HUMAN. And you know, once you realize that, a lot of self-imposed fear can go away. And while I get derision from some who think I’m just another crooked politician, I have many more who know me better than that, because I’ve taken the time to be honest and truthful. And I take the time to educate people about issues. It’s very easy to do so when I make my decisions based on the fact that I should expect to explain my choices completely to those who I am accountable to. When they see the issues from different sides, they come to appreciate the difficulty in making a decisions that pleases everyone, and more often than not, they’re glad they don’t have to make the decisions. We may not agree, but they respect the effort put into it. Sadly, not everyone has that philosophy. Yeah, they look successful, but people aren’t stupid. They see through a lot the facade. And it’s very liberating (to me) when I can just be myself, including admitting mistakes and proposing solutions to overcome them.

The real potential in all of us is largely untapped and held back by societal messages that reinforce the message of demeaning others (or being sarcastic to others) in a destructive manner to allow us to feel “wittier”, “smarter”, “better” than them. That’s nothing more than wasting energy in kicking someone where it hurts, while sinking into the muck yourself.

We pulled our tv out years ago, and no longer are barraged by constant news and messages in television shows and advertising that suggests that we’re surrounded by tragedy, or that everyone around us is “out to get us”, or that we’re less successful in (sex, relationships, life, etc) unless we buy some product.

There are incredibly beautiful people out there who lack anything inside. And there truly incredible people out there who radiate peace, confidence and beauty from within. The true beauty of a person is who they are inside.

Sometimes what it takes is to stop and really think about all the obstacles you’ve overcome in your life and realize how far you have come.

Now, look forward and go take on the day! The bumps are just life’s opportunities to learn more about ourselves.
kunjan
Dec 14 07, 9:23 am PDT

30
hi Tina….

This is one of the best article that i have ever read on web, really awesome..

kunjan
Adam Wolf
Dec 14 07, 9:46 am PDT

31
Actually, you are your thoughts and perceptions. That’s all you are.

But I agree that defeating self-defeating thoughts is what it’s all about. It’s strange that you wrote this article about how having a positive mind set is tantamount, and at the same time downplayed the idea that our perception and attitude are the eyes through which we see the world.

We are perception. That’s all we are.
Keith

Dec 14 07, 10:35 am PDT

32
Wow Tina that was a great article, I will certainly be linking this to some of my friends and family, and hopefully it will inspire something in them as it has in me.

I am going through a very rough patch in my life right now. My goal is to start my own PC Support and Consulting Company. I have been getting a little side work here and there, but my thoughts are always “this will never take off, I will never be able to be self employed, b/c I cannot be unemployed while I get started, and I dont have savings to be self employed, I lack the knowledge for all jobs ect.”. But after your reading I have a new drive to continue my fight for my own company, my own well being.

Thanks for putting this out there!
John Rocheleau - Artist

Dec 14 07, 12:47 pm PDT

33
Oh, the mind is a tricky little devil for sure. There is a political analogy here. Can you see it?

Our minds are like ruling political parties. They convince us that their intentions are honorable while surreptitiously acting on their own selfish agendas, playing on our emotions to achieve their goals.

Our mind is like that ruling party. It has a limited view that centers on its own survival and enjoyment, while trying to be cognizant of its approval rating to remain in power. Its prime tactic is to instill fear to encourage dependence and its own longevity. Sound familiar?

Just as we the people are not the political party in office, we are also not the fearful person that our mind wants us to believe in for its own selfish reasons.

Have you also noticed that a person’s fear of failure is increased greatly in proportion to how close to their true nature, their proposed plans are? The more we align with our true self, the more our lower mind injects fear to ensure its continued governance.

Just some thoughts, and thanks for the cue,
John
Martin Saenz

Dec 14 07, 3:44 pm PDT

34
Nice post. Enjoyed reading it.

Martin
Glen Colton

Dec 14 07, 4:26 pm PDT

35
I started my online retail program two years ago, offering Swiss Army brand luggage and business gear, decorated with collegiate logos. At the time I thought that it was just a matter of getting the license to use each university’s logo, creating the luggage and then selling it on my website. I should mention that I didn’t HAVE a website, but I figured that wouldn’t be a problem.

In the time since then I have invested bunches of time, energy, creativity and good old $$$ developing the website (I am on my third set of web designers, with whom I am delighted) and getting the program up and running. I would honestly say that during the 24 months I have been in the “Downward Spiral of Fear” more times than I can remember. It seemed that nothing I did made any difference and that all of my grand plans for when I got to the next level were on hold as I tried to get to the first level.

Your article gave me a genuine feeling of relief. There is something comforting about the knowledge that I am going through a commonly-experienced phase that many entrepreneurs go through during the start of a new endeavor.

One last thing, I turn 60 on Sunday. So I will consider your article a birthday present.
Abu Aremu

Dec 15 07, 12:08 am PDT

36
Tina,
This is true and insighting. You have a loaded post here. Thanks for the really educative post.

Abu
Wang
Dec 16 07, 3:00 am PDT

37
The main problem is that it’s easy to know how to do,but hard to always practise according to it.
gale

Dec 16 07, 11:17 pm PDT

38
tina,

your words speak from the heart of an entrepreneur and independent individual – thank you for the valuable advice on conquering self-imposed fear. i especially liked the bit about analysis paralysis, because it’s SO true that we all overanalyze situations instead of diving into them headstrong. keep em coming tina!
Glen Colton

Dec 17 07, 7:35 am PDT

39
Tina,

For some reason, every person who e-mails a comment on your article to you also winds up copying ME. I guess it is the way these websites are constructed.

I noticed that there are frequent references to the expression “analysis paralysis”. I have a friend of many years who refers to this as “over ANALyzing”. It’s a bit more crude than your prose, but he is a bit more crude in general.

Ciao for Niao,
Glen
Steve Roesler

Dec 17 07, 3:13 pm PDT

40
Nice look at how our minds can–well-drive us nuts, Tina.

I chuckled at your “research” story because I discovered myself doing something similar. After 30 years in business–and poised to add a new twist to our consulting practice–I did some online research that began convincing me that, somehow, all of these people were more “successful” than I had been. (Forget that some hadn’t yet been born when I incorporated :-) ).

And thanks for closing with the remark regarding “persistent” vs. “stubborn”. I’ve always viewed persistence as a deliberate choice once my vision–and some corroborating data–tell me it’s time to step out in faith.

Keep writing…
Bill Nad

Dec 18 07, 8:51 am PDT

41
It is amazing how when you think badly of yourself you will drag yourself down and make bad decisions. Looking back at all of those times where I was in a self defeating attitude I never achieved but once I turned my life around i realized that it was all about my self attitude
Mark

Dec 18 07, 11:22 am PDT

42
@bill nad – that is a great point!
Daniel Sitter, IdeaSeller

Dec 21 07, 2:47 pm PDT

43
Another wonderful article Tina! I have finally subscribed to make it easier to read your content.

Tony Robbins once popularized the acrostic “FEAR,” – False Evidence Appearing Real. In the personal development and success realms, We do tend to create our own fears and then fall victim to their paralyzing grip. We often simultaneously fear both failure and success, making excuses and creating quite an obstacle to overcome.

I like your six steps Tina. Mark Twain once said “Do that which you fear and the death of fear is certain.” Action, it would appear then, is also a superb fear-buster.

In the end, we often discover that the thing we were once afraid of was not all that bad!
Bamboo Forest

Dec 28 07, 5:45 am PDT

44
I love your step 6. What an empowering analogy (the car at night on a country road) for the encouragement of staying in the present moment!
Sean

Jan 15 08, 5:22 am PDT

45
Tina,

I like your insights! Fear of rejection is my waterloo. I’ve always been full of doubts because of the excuses I’ve been feeding myself. In turn, these doubts lower my self-esteem. Eventually, the world matched my perceived reality. However, I’ve been trying to climb out of this hole for quite some time. One day, I decided to change the way I look at the world and to start to look at the world in a positive spin. To reinforce this mindset, I’ve banded with a group of friends who believe in the power of positivism. Visit our blog at:

http://isharehappiness.blogspot.com/
maurice

Jan 19 08, 3:31 am PDT

46
Hi,
you are so right. I often notice, that I am not starting to realize projects. I am thinking about it until it doesn’t make sense for me to realize it. And I even KNOW that I am acting that way. I think it’s a kind of fear. Because you’re feared to go that step, you trying to find reasons not to do so, over and over.
Articles like this one always motivate me in getting things done. So thank you, I will keep this in mind and try to think about it next time I fear to start over.
Divine
Jan 30 08, 5:59 pm PDT

47
Thank you for posting this article. I also try hard to deflate my fears as much as humanly possible and this article helps tremendously. My appreciation to you is in the highest sense.

To show you my gratitude I would like to share with an article I found that also helps in regards to getting rid of fears: http://consciousflex.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-to-eliminate-all-fears-forever-by.html
Thank you indeed, please keep up the incredible work in helping others!
judex

Jan 30 08, 6:08 pm PDT

48
Hi There,
I got a great laugh out of your article when I recognized myself in the analysis paralysis point. That’s how I found your site, I was collecting info, over thinking, building a dossier call it what you like to start my own blogg and there it was, the sign.
“Just do it.” your article screamed at me.
So I’m gunna!
Daniel Edlen

Feb 01 08, 2:40 pm PDT

49
Competition. Conflict. Lose-lose.

My sculpture teacher long ago would always tell his students that there will always be someone better than you and worse. So why compare? This certainly applies in art, but also as you’ve outlined, in Life.

Community. Cooperation. Win-win.

Peace.
jd

Feb 08 08, 1:58 am PDT

50
Tina – good thoughts and distinctions.

Originally I would say what, then how … but now I might actually say
1. Why
2. How
3. What

Where the why is your real driver and the how is your process/approach for results — and your experience of life. It’s an inside out approach.

Both lenses are powerful, but starting with your why’s behind the goals can help make sure you don’t end up with your ladder up against the wrong wall.

If you live according to your Why and achieve using your how, the what’s are more like interesting projects along the way — but everyday you’re living your purpose and your way.
Reflexology london

Aug 03 08, 9:57 am PDT

51
I enjoyed this post.
Listening to yourself is very important but so difficult…
Even if you’re making efforts then it fades away.

Gotta keep trying.
Wakas Mir

Sep 13 08, 11:31 pm PDT

52
Very nice tina… this post really was helpful and informative :)
Gina
Feb 18 09, 11:26 am PDT

53
WONDERFUL! THANKS A LOT!
Frank Brown
Mar 11 09, 8:12 am PDT

54
I think the advice within step 3 has helped me the most. Specifically regarding changing my physiology. I have started running after work everyday, and I can say my thought process has been more positive. I think its because it lets your clear your mind for a while and focus on the exercise at hand.

–
Frank B.
Car accident lawyer
Lana
Aug 07 09, 12:20 am PDT

55
Wow your to stuff is powerful. In the middle of reading it, I realized that I was unconsciensely comparing your skills at understanding human minds and fears with mine. I was thinking of how much of a better person you were at knowing and understanding people and how well you can help people realize and grow. It made me stop and go wow. I do it all the time. I had to stop thinking that people are better than me, and think of how we are all equal and all have different skills and abilities that make us great and that even if someone is better, or appears so, in a certain area, we shouldn’t automatically think that we fail compared to them, that we all have our areas in which we excel and we have nothing to fear expect or own self judgement. Thank you.
Ressie Hennig

Jan 05 11, 1:10 pm PDT

56
we should just be greatful for our family
prestito inpdap

Jan 31 11, 5:56 pm PDT

57
Well, the article is in reality the top-quality on this exemplary subject. I accord with your decisions and will thirstily look forward to your future updates. Just saying thanks will not just be enough, for the wonderful lucidity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to check informed of any updates. Incredible work and much success in your business dealings!
Mav
Feb 24 11, 9:03 pm PDT

58
I needed to read this you captured exactly what plagues me and so many others I know. This article is exactly the difference in Success and Failure in life. You choose the outcome when its all said and done, only thing you don’t control is when you’re gonna leave!
Mr D
Sep 11 11, 4:49 am PDT

59
I found this article after googling “how to beat self defeating thoughts”.
After reading it i felt less alone and It probably allowed me to condense the things i already knew after having read so many self help / mindfullness books into a short actionable list. Thank you.

I m a web entrepreneur and despite my efforts it seems my business is stagnating.
I typically read the bios and about us of my competitors and partners with very anxious thought patterns.
Thinking they all have higher education and connections.
They know the right things to do and the right people to call.
Whereas i m breaking my back for no encouraging results they all seem to progress effortlessly and arrogantly.
I have not been much to school, learned quite all i know by myself and I hate these people for the
Talking to partners i cannot help feeling like a peasant in front of a lord. I feel like i don’t fit in, don’t have the body langage nor the words nor the self assurance they boast.

Yet i know every one of the previous assertions are false, i m still telling all this to myself unconsciouly. Well more and more consciously apparently. Isn’t that a good sign ?
I m starting to get through this !
teresa
Apr 03 12, 2:39 pm PDT

60
ariticle sounds great but putting it into action is only possible with the assistance of a higher power. I lost my house through malice of two family members who wanted me to remain at home wth my elderly mother. I had severe breakdown suicidal depression,I am still struggling with caring for a difficult mother I have prayed constantly for help to obtain support and a place to escape to as a bolthole. but no answers. I cannot stop hatred for those who beetrayed me but struggle to overcome it through prayer.
MIKE
Nov 18 12, 12:54 am PDT

61
Its true we limit our potentials by making lame excuses about our abilities,we condition our resilience and persistence cos are afraid of failure and competition.well its only us standing in the way of our success.we’ve chosen to survive,other excel..I’ve just seen these article,5yrs on and it felt like i was the reference .there’s me written all over it cos I’ve survived no doubt but i should be excelling ..thank you very much cos of enhancing my impact absorbers,i feel big ,huge,colossal actually .i know prove is in doing,so let me get onto the first step.ACTION….

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

We'd love to hear them! Please share:

Trackbacks (4)

6 Steps to Deflate Self-Defeating Fears by medTRIALS.info - Dec 13 07
6 Steps to Deflate Self-Defeating Fears » Web Froze - Dec 14 07
links for 2007-12-15 « M@’s Blog - Dec 14 07
HD BizBlog- The Blog: Productivity in Context » Blog Archive » Conquer Your Fears - Sharing on Saturday - Dec 15 07

Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life