How to Bounce Back When Life Gets Hard?

how to bounce back
Photo by Shannon

Editor’s Note: This is one of the most beautiful piece of writing. I recommend reading it. I hope that you find wisdom, clarity and inspiration through Tamara’s story. Adapted from this original article.

Guest Post By Tamara Kerner

I make it a rule to never take advice from someone who hasn’t “been there”. So I’ll tell you what happened for me, and then I’ll tell you what I did to bounce back while navigating through my own tunnel of hell.

Have you ever gone through a complete life overhaul? How do you deal with it? If you know what I mean, you’d agree that such events are far and few in between—but yet, the most impactful ones seem to happen when your life has hit rock bottom.

I urge you to think about it: What if you lost everything you have today? What would keep you going on? Would you give up? Would you hold on to that tiny light at the end of the tunnel, which perhaps you can’t even see?

It sounds harsh but I don’t mean to be so. Often times, we take our lives and the little moments of happiness for granted. It is only when we are snatched of those things that we realize the value of everything while at the same time learning to live without them.

My Story

During a 30-day period, 4 years ago, I lost everything: money, love, health, a baby, pets, security and self-pride.

My boyfriend at the time broke up with me while I stood holding the still dripping, positive pregnancy pee stick. His response to having a baby with me was to end our relationship and to share with me that he hoped to tile his kitchen that summer and travel.

I lost the baby after 8.5 weeks and suffered from an extreme crash in hormones. Being in my early 40?s, I knew this was probably the last chance to have a child. My body was a mess and my head was scrambled with hormones.

To make matters worse, two days after losing the baby I understood that my bank accounts had been emptied.

I stood there blinking at the ATM screen on that early July morning: Balance: $0.

I was left with 40 cents in my pocket.

Someone with revenge in their heart sued me out-of-state and due to a loop-hole in the serving process, I never received notice and didn’t show up to defend myself.

When you don’t show up it’s as though you’re admitting guilt and a judgment is issued. Being lax in checking my mail because I had no real bills coming in, other than utilities; these notices of judgment mixed in with “We’re garnishing your accounts” sat unread in my lock box for four weeks.

In those four weeks, every dime I had from every account was emptied.

A week later, I was faced with putting my 16 year old pet down, only to be followed by the rapid decline of my other 15 year old pet 10 days later. If you’re like me, pets are family. This was a loss beyond words.

With no money, a huge judgment and $700 in credit card debt, I had to declare bankruptcy. An attorney said I could fight it; but I had no money to even try.

For the first time, I was face to face with shame and embarrassment. Now, I was one of “those” irresponsible people I had previously judged who declared bankruptcy.

My health was shot, my mind was a mess, my heart was broken and I had 40 cents to my name. My father died years ago and I had been the one helping my mother financially. I was, in my own words, “someone lost and without backup”.

In ancient cultures, The Dark Night of the Soul (book) was understood as a time of transformation. A time when your personal strength was tested and the knowledge you’ve gained over the first half of your life is called out and hopefully utilized.

In our culture, it’s considered a mid-life crisis. We get face-lifts and sports cars. Couples run away from other couples divorcing, neighbors turn their head as houses go into foreclosure, and fair-weather friends back away quickly. Rather than an opportunity to be the phoenix in rising, we’re viewed as contagious drama.

Instead of showing a support and wise elders lending their ears, people in this culture back away and we are left to suffer alone with shame.

In my case, only a small handful of people knew, while most thought I have suddenly gone nuts. In the past I had been the person whom others leaned on for advice and even financial help. Now I was left with nothing. I was an empty vessel without a financially secure family to lean on for support. I looked like hell and felt worse.

When I woke in the morning, I wasn’t sure what to mourn. The relationship or the baby? My pets or my financial security? My health or the fact I could be homeless in a week? FYI: My biggest fear in life had been ending up on the streets without support—irrational but at this time, a reality.

I can tell you that the grip of your biggest fear in the face of utter despair is a cold sharp knife that cuts deeply. But it is only then that you come to grips with . . . life. And eventually you bounce back to a place of happiness and peace, even in the face of adversity and setbacks.

My Bounce Back to Life: 7 Lessons

What I know for sure is that if you’ve always been the strong one, there is a lot of growth that comes from asking for help. I got to know who my real friends were and that I was loveable even when I wasn’t perfect. Had it gotten to the point of my moving in with family or friends, I know there would have been growth from that time too.

Perhaps healing with family happens when someone has to move home, as humbling as that may look in the moment.

Lesson 1: Materialistic Goals Aren’t All that Matter

The thought of selling everything and starting over was, in a tiny way, liberating. I hear of people that after losing their homes and selling most everything feel free in a way they had never known. My biggest fear was losing my remaining two pets if I had to couch surf for a while.

I was so embarrassed that I held my secrets and pain inside for the most part. I would meet friends for dinner and pretend that I wasn’t hungry, since I had no money to spend. When the hormonal imbalance would kick in and I would tear up, I would pretend that my contacts were bothering me and run to the bathroom.

Finally, I realized that nothing material mattered.

Lesson 2: Angels Exist in Human Form

While passing through the tunnel of hell during my recovery to bounce back, I figured which people truly cared and were in tune with my subtle changes. Luckily for me, a friend handed me some cash—unsolicited– to help me get by while I got my head on straight. The generosity of this person rocked my world in a way that left me forever changed.

I realized the phrase “While you may only be one person in this world, you may be the world to one person” personally. In other words, I revived my belief in humanity.

Lesson 3: Miracles Are All Around

On a business level, I’m required to be clear and strong as I coach high-leveled executives on the next step in their career and life—ironic eh?

You can’t be broken and effective at the same time; yet I did take the phrase “fake it till you make it” by heart. By faking my strength, even my smile, I slowly felt both again.

I witnessed the miracle of the universe all around me. Suddenly those cereal boxes that came free in my Sunday paper were valuable. Toothpaste samples at the grocery store were cherished and I learned to turn the shampoo bottle upside down to get every last drop. I would go to the pet food store just to “look around” and grab a few of the free samples for my dog.

Lesson 4: Learned Minimalism

With that cash in hand from my friend, I was able to cover my rent long enough to start billing in my business again; but extras weren’t available. Gone were the monthly hair salon trips, out with the extras like cable, Internet, and dog treats.

I slowly learned how wasteful I had been in my life with food, clothing, and coffee shop stops. There was no money for anything other than college-grade food.

I rode my bike a lot that summer not having the money for gas. I reasoned with the bank’s car loan and my insurance agent for reduced monthly payments.

I taught myself to negotiate payments for utilities and witnessed the kindness of customer service agents when you admit your defeat. Most of all, I gathered that if you’re willing to work with them in some way, people will help you get by on your payments and your life.

Lesson 5: Learned Positivity

Each morning I forced myself to think of three things I was grateful for before letting my feet hit the carpet next to my bed. If I didn’t do this, I would begin my day in the depressed way I had ended the day before.

Soon I started doing this before bed and found that my days got easier. When the magnitude of my situation would hit midday and I would start to crash; I would force myself to get outside, go for a walk and notice something beautiful. When life is bleak, even the smallest things like the song of a bird or the color of the sky can jar you up a notch.

Every morning before starting my work day, I would force myself to listen to or read something inspirational. I couldn’t control the world around me, but I could direct my emotions.

Yes I cried a lot, but I would balance those moments with what I was grateful for and kept moving towards what I wanted—to bounce back to some stability again.

Lesson 6: Clarity from Self-Observation

I learned to watch my emotional state like a hawk.

If I felt desperate and scared, I would imagine my worst-case scenario…worst case I would loan my dog and my cat to people I trusted and couch surf. Worst case I would go on meds. Worst case I would ask a friend if I could share dinner with them.

Once I knew my worst-case scenario, I was able to relax a tiny bit and then I would focus on what I was grateful for… When life blows up there is a crystal clarity that occurs.

All of the issues that you’ve been hiding behind with your job or your money or your relationship are out there in the open. I have clients who lose their jobs and realize that their marriage has been broken for years; knowledge that was just hidden behind frequent business trips.

Lesson 7: Focus on the Now

I also learned that once the blow-up occurs and you share it with those close to you, it’s important to not keep telling your sad story.

If you do, that’s what you end up focusing on and it’s easy to feel like a victim. Much better to focus on where you’re going and put your energy into moving forward. This is the biggest mistake I see clients make—telling the same sad story, over and over.

For me the hardest part was laying in bed, alone, during the middle of the night, drenched in fear. As I laid awake in terror, I learned to pray for help and learned to meditate so I could hear the answer. I tried to be as much in the now as possible.

Most of all, I learned that when we’re broken, we’re really just broken open. We are a seed that sits in the dark, damp earth waiting for spring. We alone decide in which direction to send our sprout once the season has turned.

* What do you think? What are some thoughts crossing your mind at this moment? What are some things you realized while reading this? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section.

If you enjoyed this article, please pass it on to others.
Share it on Facebook, RT on twitter, or email it to a friend.
Follow us on facebook and twitter.
Subscribe to receive updates by email or RSS reader.

About the Author

Tamara Kerner considers herself a yoga newbie even though she’s been practicing yoga for over a decade. She figures that whether she’s stepping out of her front door or onto her yoga mat; it’s a new day. A feng shui master and life coach that views the world through a different lense, Tamara believes that it’s the little things that make our life beautiful. She writes about it all on her blog Daily Transformations while living happily in Boulder, Colorado with her dog Bella, 2 cats, 3 bikes, 2 yoga mats and a garage filled with gear. Find her page on Facebook.

Comments

Stef

Aug 03 11, 5:47 am PDT

1
Lovely post Tamara, thank you for sharing! :)

Some of those lessons hit home hard especially 2, 5, 6, 7. Coming up on 23 this month I’ve finally made a stand (you could say a transformation) to change from facing my fears, to looking at things more positively and approaching everything with more gratitude or at least a different perspective. Being thankful.

I’ve started to think more positively, noticing even the smallest kind gestures when commuting on the bus/train where you would usually expect everyone to be tense, tired and in a bad mood. From this I’ve started noticing I am much more happier even when things don’t go my way, or at the end of the day when I haven’t achieved everything I’ve wanted to.

Finally Lesson 7 is where I’m finally easing into, I’ve replayed the past (all those bad experiences over the years) thousands of times in my head and all that happens is the vicious cycle until I’ve finally realised none of it will get me anywhere — I’ll be just stuck. I must learn and grow, be here now.

I am slowly but surely getting there, it won’t happen overnight and my god it is difficult and painful to the point where I’ll want to go back to default and give up — but I’m moving forward, I can’t guarantee I’ll make it but just a week in and the small steps (the Kaizen way) I’m taking, I know I’m headed in the right direction.
Simon
Aug 03 11, 7:43 am PDT

2
Great article, I have only been through a subset of what you went through, but was still the most difficult thing to overcome. You’re right – being forcibly stripped of everything I had made me realise I didn’t need any (or most) of it.
Jacqueline Way

Aug 03 11, 12:34 pm PDT

3
Thanks for the inspiring post! I completely understand. I recently lost a baby myself just hours before I was to meet him. I am an adoptive parent (not able to have kids of our own) and we have been patiently waiting for our second child. There was a baby that our social workers had decided would be ours and just hours before we were to meet him the adoption was cancelled due to legalities out of everyone’s hands. The crib was up, diapers bought and car seat in the car. It was truly heart breaking. Even worse the baby is now stuck in the foster care system waiting for it all to get straightened out. But I have found a way to get through the really hard days like that one. It is an addition to your list – give to others, the planet or animals. I give every day and it has made me feel some sense of comfort through the really hard days. http://365give.ca/day-298-the-secret-to-happiness-every-day It works no matter how desperately sad you are. You put others in front of your own misery and you will see the light again. I hope it may help as you move forward in your life right now. Thank you again for sharing such a personal journey.
Joseph Ch'ng

Aug 03 11, 6:34 pm PDT

4
Hi Tamara,

Your post truly inspires me.

That, to me, was true optimism to life. A sense of belief in yourself, for the brighter future, and doing every bit you can to change it for the better.

“Fake it until you make it” by heart. This is very meaningful to me, especially when you added “by heart”.

Many times, we whine over things in life, like being underpaid, or not rich enough, or our mother in law and bla bla bla… And it is when we see people like you who had walked through this darkest tunnel, our complaints become trivial.

The line that hit me the most in this blog is “I learned that when we’re broken, we’re really just broken open”.

I guess the more you let go, the more you pour your cup away, the more you stand to receive. You gave us the light, that we are still very in control of our lives. Its just a matter of how and what we are willing to let go, to make space for what we want to receive.

This is one wisdom, that I am still an avid student of.

Thank you again for this post. Hugs.
Tom
Aug 03 11, 9:54 pm PDT

5
Thoughts on my mind after reading this:
I’d love to quit my current dead end job and start a home/web based biz. However, like a lot of people, with the bills my wife and i have accumulated, my monthly income would be missed within the first month. I have recently sold my car due to overwhelming maintenance repair costs i could not afford (i only got $1,000 for it), and it would be a perfect time to quit and jump in with both feet and do it, but am totally froze in fear and uncertainty. What could i do to create an income? Am i going to make enough to cover my share of the bills? How soon can an online biz start making me cash so i’m not eating pb-n-j and only turning one light on in the house? Etc,etc. Please help!
Sunhae

Aug 03 11, 10:01 pm PDT

6
Hi Tamara. Just a short note to let you know I read your story and appreciate you sharing it. I’m going through some rough times and it’s good to get positive reminders that everything is temporary. Sounds like you’re doing great and I’m happy for you! :D
marc van der Linden

Aug 03 11, 11:09 pm PDT

7
Inspiring story, Tamara!

The best school is life itself. Your 7 lessons of life are very clear, full of wisdom and a true inspiration.

The “Dark night of the souls” has really hit you very hard and you recovered in a great way using all your experience of life. Congratulations for that!

Thanks for sharing!
saumya

Aug 03 11, 11:46 pm PDT

8
Awesome! Article! I do not think so. When someone speaks her life story its the truth out there.
Everything is spot on, the materialistic things to the humming birds. If at all life is then its the connections and yes, may be just one but that one will change the whole world.
Could not but agree to read an inspiring story every morning before starting the day, that simply makes the whole day a lot better. Meditation, thanks giving before bed and after getting up also holds keys to happiness. I have recently started all those, but then can say they are true medicine for a person to be happy.
Wish you all the best in health, happiness and success. Keep shining.
Michelle
Aug 04 11, 12:48 am PDT

9
I was thinking about my two lowest points – when I my daughter was diagnosed with Down’s and when I had a nervous breakdown 6 years later. When the diagnosis was made I dealt with it privately, I didnt lay myself bare at all, hiding the tears, fears, mourning, and plastering on a false smile. It lay buried for six years rising to the surface as panic attacks, anxiety and depression. The constant mental chatter was exhausting. Eventually it exhausted me, I took a whole load of diazapam and a bottle of wine, a friend found me and she and my partner took me to hospital. There, the world knew. And they CARED. How I wished I had just shared my grief when it happened. I agree whole heartidly about not retelling your sad story (as I have just done – Ha!) as it begins to define you. And the kindness of one person that can make you weep with gratitude.
Uzma

Aug 04 11, 1:41 am PDT

10
Very inspiring. It’s incredible to see how we can choose to be positive and learn and fight. What a story!!! To realise that everything is always okay, that we always grow, that the human spirit is great, what good lessons. Thank u for sharing. God bless
Ari Hahn

Aug 04 11, 3:07 pm PDT

11
I read this after seeing it retweeted by @dorleem, who does a great job of finding important bits of blog, etc. I wonderful article. I am struck at how well it illustrates something that not enough of us realize. People are not happy because they know how to enjoy life, they are happy because they know how to live from the suffering. Life is full of pain. It is unavoidable. Those who learn to take it in stride, and maybe find the miracles and angels that are revealed will be able to focus on the positive and savor the present. May you be forever blessed with being engaged in the infinite quality of the fleeting now.
Pamela Potts

Aug 05 11, 5:36 pm PDT

12
Two good resources for people going through challenging times are:

Lost Between Lives by Dan Holden

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life is Falling Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma
Christy

Aug 05 11, 6:37 pm PDT

13
With life’s challenges we become tough. I really look up to you Tamara, you showed how tough you are by facing all your misfortunes while staying positive that time. God bless you.
Laura
Aug 06 11, 10:56 am PDT

14
“Most of all, I learned that when we’re broken, we’re really just broken open.”

That was beautiful! I felt my body quiver when I read that sentence. I was looking for a little bit of uplifting this morning, and I found it! Thank you!
Lawrence

Aug 07 11, 10:34 pm PDT

15
You are truly amazing, inspirational and wonderful going through all that. We have so much to learn from your story and sharing. Thanks.
Vic

Aug 09 11, 9:53 am PDT

16
Hi Tamara,

Very Inspiring and touching. I’m glad you were able to stay positive throughout your whole ordeal. As Harriet Beecher Stowe once said:
Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

I wish you all the best!
Meg-Blossom
Aug 09 11, 4:24 pm PDT

17
Thank you very much for a fantastic article, you have made me realize that all is not lost, am dealing with a broken heart and two of my family members have terminal illness.You are a strong person and thank you for sharing, awesome encouragement that is.
Author Elaine Piha

Aug 11 11, 8:11 am PDT

18
Thank you for sharing, Tamara. I admire your courage and focus. I like to say that the moment you realize that no one is going to rescue you is the moment you become empowered to rescue yourself. Giving meaning to our suffering is vital to our growth as a whole. Understanding the adversity in our lives leads to personal acceptance, freedom and fulfillment. Feelings of fear, anger and resentment are replaced with the motivation to extract as much meaning as possible from each earthly experience. This shift removes us from the victim role and places us in the driver’s seat of our own lives.
Sista Sylv

Aug 11 11, 11:43 am PDT

19
Wow! What an inspirational story! I felt your emotions! I will know just where you are coming from! I’m sitting here with no job after being laid off for 3 years. I’m wondering how I can create a job to help others that will also help me. Today is the final notice date for me to pay my 240.00 light bill. I don’t have it. I used every time I had in the bank to py my rent this month. I’m praying and asking God for miracle. I’m trying hard to stay positive. I don’t know who or where to turn to. Your story is such a relieve for me. I know that there is a rainbow at the end of the clouds. THANK YOU SO MUCH! may God continue to bless you as you bless others!
Thanks
Sylv
Quincy
Aug 14 11, 7:39 am PDT

20
I went through very simialr circumstances and found my way with these same discoveries. It has been 3 years since my downfall and the effects still remain along with several of the conswquences. What I would add to the advice to the fallen is forgiveness.
Forgive others, forgive tragedies and problems, forgive yourself. As you move on from tragedy and loss the consequences of the past ripple like waves and from time to time catch up to you in the present. I have been knocked down several times caught from behind.
Once I discovered forgiveness I became able to accept these setbacks and recurring affects and rise from each able to keep moving forward.
Good luck to all!
Ty
Aug 15 11, 8:55 am PDT

21
Your story moves me. You’re strong, and I admire it. Thank you for sharing the story…
Cheryl
Aug 23 11, 4:08 pm PDT

22
I really appreciated reading this post. It is terrible when just one of those things happens to you, but to experience them all at the same time is just unimaginable. I have complete admiration for the way you kept on going and kept focusing on the positive. It certainly brings the day-to-day trivial annoyances into perspective. I hope that when life throws me hardship I will have the strength to face it too.

After reading this I felt so lucky to have the people and experiences I have, and have started thinking of 3 things to be thankful for every morning before getting out of bed too (it is a good thing to do even when life is going well!)

Wishing you love and light and thank you for sharing your experience with us all.
Niyi Charles

Sep 21 11, 6:50 am PDT

23
Your story demonstrates vividly that tough time never last but people with the right perspective about life last.

Thanks for growing through your challenges and strong enough to share it with us
steve werner

Nov 10 11, 4:06 am PDT

24
Thanks so much for having the guts to share you story.

As my 17 year old reminded me through the voice of Rocky “life is not about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”

Keep moving forward.

sw
Rebekah
Dec 19 11, 5:18 am PDT

25
At a time when I am struggling to climb out of that rock bottom, it helps to hear someone else’s story. Feeling and giving empathy gives me comfort.

I also like the idea of imagining ‘what is the realistic worst case scenario’. By taking away the power of this giant looming fear that seems to pin you down when you are at the bottom, it makes things seem more hopeful, it’s really not so bad. I really can get out of this.

I can attest to the positive thoughts that come from acknowledging what you are grateful for. We all have the tools to get ourselves free and move forward, but if you don’t know and remind yourself of what they are, then how can you use them?

My final thought is that a simple smile, moment, or millisecond, of joy, happiness, a breath of fresh air, those are the things that give us the strength and courage to move one more step forward.
Lee Davis
Dec 25 11, 3:43 am PDT

26
Thank you.
luis
Jan 18 12, 4:48 pm PDT

27
This was phenomenal, motivating and extremely incitive.
Thank you!
Now I know I’m ready to blossom.
Chloe
Jan 22 12, 11:31 pm PDT

28
this article helped me a lot.. thanks for sharing your story.
without darkness there is no light.. like this phrase, without hard time there is not possibly happy moment. thanks again!
Rose

Jan 31 12, 4:59 pm PDT

29
Your article brought me to tears because it reminded me of my life a few years back, which was the darkest time of my life. I am in a better place now, but not quite there yet. I am not truly living my life, I am more or less existing. You have given much needed inspiration. Thank you so much.

Rose
Pedro
Feb 01 12, 5:21 am PDT

30
Tamara, this was very inspirational. I’m glad to find this valuable text – that is more than words on an electronic board – they are words written with “blood, sweat and tears” and are therefore worth more than Gold!

I am right now going through a dark hour and even thought of taking my Life. It is things like this that give us that other extra spark – out of the nowhere. I can relate to losing everything…within 6 months I lost all material things, business, family and health. From “Top to Down” in a very short time span….your mind can’t even process what is going on.

Thanks to everyone for the inspiring comments. Keep going.
Brian
Mar 03 12, 5:11 pm PDT

31
Wow, that sure sounds rough, at least from a yuppie with a job conception of having it rough. You make it sound like you “lost everything” and have “only 40 cents in your pocket to you name.” and you realized that “nothing material mattered” Really? I notice that you hung onto your car and your corporate yuppie job so if all this tragedy was so freeing and enlightening one wonders why you didn’t sell your car or sleep on someones couch.

I really don’t have much patience for disillusioned yuppies who claim to finally have realized how freeing and enlightening it is not to have material things. Since many of you seem to be so enamored of that concept, perhaps you should try living my life for awhile. I live on a $700 a month disability check am unemployed and have been for several years which now makes it almost impossible to find employment, am soon having to move out of the fine mansion I live in (a house subdivided into rooms, there are 10 people living here and I live in one of the small rooms, which most of my money goes to paying rent and utilities. I will most likely soon be homeless and I have no “friends” to give my money or let me sleep on their couches. I love how you use the term having to survive on “college food” As opposed to lavish dinners I guess. That must’ve be rough but hey you could’ve had to go to the food bank weekly to survive.

My point being that some of you yuppies who claim to have “lost everything” and that “material possessions don’t matter now” don’t have a clue what true poverty and desperation is. If you did I doubt you would romanticize the notion of living without your precious possessions and jobs. I doubt you would find it to be so freeing and and enlightening if you had to live as I do on a daily basis, so please don’t presume to know or write about what hard times and poverty is like when you really have no clue.

One wonders if the now enlightened author of this article spends her time helping others in need as she supposedly once was.
Anon
May 04 12, 9:04 am PDT

32
Thanks for giving me a little hope. I’ve been out of work for several months and have sold almost everything to make it through, but now that I’m starting a new job Monday I have no money for food or gas and my car is going to be repossessed any time now. I’m hoping I can make it to the light. I still have my phone as it was vital in finding a job. It’s extremely scary when these things happen and you don’t have any support. But there is still beauty in the world. Im hoping for a miracle.
angela
Jul 17 12, 11:40 am PDT

33
A very good read. I can all the help I can get. My life is total crud right now. Ill spare the details. Its just nice to know Im not alone.
Angelic
Jul 20 12, 8:27 pm PDT

34
What an inspiration so sad you had to endure all of that hardship, I have to keep my faith my family is or has lost everything were trying to enjoy the little things so life wont consume us or the bad darkness wont consume us…. God is good he will guide us to the light & rainbow
Shashi
Sep 17 12, 5:14 am PDT

35
I am so inspired by reading this article . When I am writing this comment , I am broken from (inside ) because of a written warning given by my boss for some thing which is not punishable at all . Two days have passed and I will go to work to give my services in the same manner like before because I have forgiven him . At the end of shift just 9 minutes were left and I sat down after finishing long day’s work and I made sure every thing was done as well . I am a human being and I could sit down when other workers were standing and talking too as all work was done for the day . They think we are animals not human beings .They keep us standing doing nothing till last minute . But I am strong . I carry on with this job till I find something better . I thank God as I have job better than sitting idle at home . I can stand up and wait to go home even all work is done .
Natasha
Sep 21 12, 10:22 am PDT

36
Thank You!
Destinee
Oct 01 12, 11:16 pm PDT

37
Your story touched me but I am still stuck I want to move forward but how do you do that when your waiting for the next bit of bad news. As a child my family was dysfunctional. (most are) at the ripe old age of 4 I realized you cant trust anyone 100% with little girls. At 8 my mom was working 3 jobs and I became mom cooking cleaning doing laundry getting my little sister ready for school. My 2 older brothers seemed to be put on this earth to abuse me.( for example one night I didn’t get the dish’s done fast enough so he put my head through a wall there favorite game was to pump the bee bee guns till they couldn’t go no more and tell me and my sister to run or sit still and start shooting It was kind of like lord of the flies.) My father was a full time alcoholic I don’t remember I’m being home a lot but when he was there It was always scary. we stayed In an Alice Paul house (house for abused and battered woman) for 3 months because of this.
They divorced when I was 12. Was happy till I meet my soon to be step dad mom knew how to pick em back then. At 13 mom lets my 19 year old boyfriend move In wouldn’t put me on birth control though NO she wasn’t giving me permission to do any thing. (and yes know that I’m grown I realize how messed up all of the above Is.) Gave birth to my oldest daughter at 14. I will always be grateful that my mother was only a babysitter while I was at school and maybe 3 hours on a Friday night . At this time I asked my dad to come to the hospital (was surprised he showed up he wanted me to abort her) Dad had quit Drinking liquor now he just Drank beer so he was just aggravating. Mom and I’m got back together. baby daddy went to jail and not for the reason you would think he robbed a bar. We moved I felt free things were good at 15 I met my now husband (he has loved my daughter from day one and I’m going to tell you there Is nothing sexier than a man who loves another mans child like they’re their own. Because of I’m she has always had a daddy). On my 16th birthday my dad either did Drugs or something to this day I don’t understand why he flipped me and a friend from school were doing some homework and he told me to do the dish’s and I told I’m I would as soon as we finished he said ok went to living room came back 20 min later same conversation he left and went to uncles house came back In about 20 min at this time we were putting up our books he said something again told I’m I was going to walk her out then start on them he grumbled a little then I asked If he had the 2 dollars I let I’m borrow I needed cigarettes he flipped out grabbed me by the hair Drug me to my room then he was going to leave but he was trying to take my baby I told I’m he couldn’t. So he came In the room put me through 2 closets when my boyfriend came In he had his hands wrapped around my neck and I knew I was going to die. he grabbed my dads shoulder and told I’m there was no need for that. the wrestled down the hall I ran to neighbors called cops. well all said and done we went to court he told the judge he was just disciplining me even with all the pictures and evidence she had It was all my fault I had to go to counseling. My mom bailed I’m out the night of the fight because of the restraining order I had to move out a couple months after court they left moved to another state. Ended up pregnant again only lost my pills for a week. Had to Drop out at this point almost had I’m at 30 weeks.(bed rest sucks) Then after all the Drama he waited till 42 weeks. My little Austin always head strong and It was his way or you would hear about It for a while. My boyfriend lost his job so we ended up moving to my mom and dads (so yea back to that) I got a over night job there and the bf was working with dad so we got our own place. Finally things are looking up Got married In February. Then hubby’s dad passes. (What a blow great man) Sept the following year heading to work some guys blew through red light took off front of the car there buddies In the other car acted like the didn’t know each other so It was our fault. Two days later my hubby was at work grinder came back hit his arm cut the tendons he was rushed to emergency surgery. Oh well now we have no car he can’t work and we are having problems with work mans comp. so he moves back home with out me to go to work with a friend. He’s going to save and get a place before I come back. I’m still working over nights 2 kids trying to keep It together but couldn’t august I move In with mom august 13 we go to see daddy for Austin 2nd stay for the weekend come back to moms. August 19 It was a Friday after a 52 hour week at work get In Driveway at 730 am beat so I go straight to bed 815 my oldest tells me my mom has just pulled my son out of the pool she thinks he’s dead he was 2 years 5 days such a short time to love some one so much and to miss them so bad everyday. I am messed up mentally so bad at this point I start therapy and th Dr tells me I should have another not to replace I’m but to help me focus on something else. So we do at one of my appointments we find out one of the test say she has fluid on her brain so we have to see a specialist had to wait a week for my appointment everything turned out great she Is fine but It was traumatic for me. After she was born depression took a new low basically slept for 6 years 3 years after my daughter I had my last baby.(Its crazy because there all 3 years apart the oldest In July, 2nd In august, 3rd In September and the baby In October and I’m November hubby’s december.lol neat fact) Now hubby’s lost his job again I’m a waitress making 220 an hour (In 2006 I got my ged I only got 2 semesters of college. lost his job and I started working 2. ) I was already behind on rent because the first week In this year 2012 lost my fridge and both cars so now Its all one me 2500 Is owed In rent right now lights will probably be off on the 10th and they denied his unemployment my stomach Is killing me before he lost his job and I had Insurance they were going to check me for crones I already know I have endometriosis they were going to do hysterectomy In august but It might have killed me the anesthesia and the med’s I take for bipolar disorder ptsd OCD panic and anxiety attacks. I try to tell my self the past Is the past but sometimes Its hard and It might be easier If It would lighten up for a little while last year hubby’s mom pasted and this April his best friends mom passed and something snapped Its like he lost all four at once his dad our son his mom and his mom away from home. All I can do It keep pushing praying and faking It to make It!
sonal
Oct 02 12, 5:13 pm PDT

38
This is what a mother can teach working 3 jobs, raise kids and leave alone poor girls at home and they do the same mistakes again and again . I feel sorry to read all story of Destinee.
Nicholas J C
Oct 29 12, 5:57 pm PDT

39
Loved this article a lot as it is very close to the last 12 months of my life. I’ve not been able to relate to anybodies trials untill now. I was unemployed, claiming benifits, unable to find work (big problem in Scotland) depressed, £1000 in debt. using alcohol to forget my problems as well as many other complicated issues which have occurred during hard times. I have recently started working again, I know i have a long way but I have hope, a great atitude & big plans for what I wish to do in life. I hope like you that one day I will be thankful for going through my own hell as those who pass through end stronger & better people. Thank you x
Rawz
Nov 01 12, 5:08 pm PDT

40
Tamara, I can emphasize with you about certain life issues. I, too am going through a process of being broken by life. But, to my understanding when you are at your worse you are closer to God. We may never know why God allowed certain things to happen but I am sure God is working it all out for our good.
Mark
Dec 04 12, 11:24 pm PDT

41
Pretty cliche. And she’s into yoga? Come on.

If all this really did happen to the writer in the SAME DAY, it’s pretty amazing how she dealt with it, but it reads more like a prefab letter trying to get the reader to buy it for popularity.

That said, the advice is great and it’s very well written. Great article.
Scarlett
Dec 10 12, 10:03 pm PDT

42
I thank you for this inspirational article, it has given me hope, and a light to look for. I now know what to do to keep moving forward. Please allow me to share my current situation,

A year ago I moved from northern California to Las Vegas NV for my boyfriend whom has been in LV. 15 years. We are both hairstylist, so the young woman I was thought it was a dream come true moving to Las Vegas to persue my career with the man I love. However I left everything behind, friends, family, memories and a beautqiiful 3yr old baby girl, who I flew out once month to visit. After just a few months the relationship became extremely toxic, domestic violence, verbal abuse, jelousy,distrust, competitive in our career together, till one day he finally went to jail for the domestic violence. I hid it so well for soo long for I wanted to be that “perfect” couple. Finally I came to terms we would never be.that couple. When I confronted him about cheating and spliting up (stupidly I did it via phone at my other job) he gutted our condo, left me with random material things, took my car and flipped the script claiming I cheated on him and he is leaving me. Left me he did, with utility bills, rent, car INS and payment, all bills for he has Money or my job wich was my main source of income, I got on the phone with every company I had bills due, car dealership and both of his ex wifes to see if this is my fault? Did he do this to them? Wich he did, one ex wife claims he ruined her life and credit.. Over $200,000.00 I decided I WILL NOT allow him to do that to me, I kept accepting my clients with little tools in my empty.condo and made it work,.enough to pay the bills and get in my own less expensive condo, a few Weeks after, I was able to track my car and take it back while he was out of town (his ex wife helped). Shortly after, he must have.been.very upset that I rised up, for he contacted.state board of cosmetology.and told them I was doing.hair in my condo with a California license (he had knowingly taken my Nevada license when he left) I then lost my second job. It has been just a few days of being out of work and rock bottom. I know I made it last month Hearing your story shows me im not alone and it will work out. The best thing for me is to be closer with God, wake up and say what I am thankfull for, glad I have a roof over my head for today, and hope for tomorrow. I will not give up and I will win this battle , but now Im really rock bottom. I went to church for the first time yesterday and prayed, prayed for a miracle, hope, opportunity, something. this BOY continues to try and stop me from being successful and I WILL continue to fight and win. done this in his past to his TWO ex wifes come to find out and is unable to even get a bank account. When I arrived home finding everything gone that I have built and earned, I had a moment of.silence, realizing im in this.city 600 miles from home, no family friend
Jazz
Dec 11 12, 4:24 pm PDT

43
I’ve posted my comments in the Solitude related article too. It is stories like yours which inspires me, encourages me to find strength no matter how broken I may feel and learn to appreciate even the simplest things in life each day which I tend to take for granted. Over the past several years, I’ve become from a ever smiling.. someone who was a believer in love, utmost trusting(almost blindly) and limitlessly hopeful person to a person whose soul is broken beyond repair. Smiling is an extinct expression, I do not trust anyone not even myself and probably hope’s mirage is what keeps me running to reach out to live again. I question how I survived the unbearable pain of my 1000 deaths and yet surprisingly still be alive. Each time a part of me died, I fought in hope to find love, care and trust. But each time, my soul was torn in ways which made me question why I was I so desperate to be happy.

I blame no one but myself for making poor decisions, choices, placing my life and trust blindly in the hands of those who did nothing but manipulated my emotions and took advantage of me in every possible way like a rug torn to shreds. But like I said, I blame me for allowing myself to be used and not putting a stop. So finally when it sunk in, I realized that the problem is that I do not know how to say “No”. And whenever I tried saying No, I suffered the backlash because no one likes to hear No all of a sudden. I learned that the best way to find out a person’s true colors is by saying No to them when they ask for help and when you truly are not in a position to help them, saying No when helping them meant hurting my own self in so many ways. Try it! you’ll see what I mean if you already don’t know that. Quite an irony because I rarely asked for anyone’s help but even on those rare occasions when I did, I was let down.

There are so many life altering events that took place in my life in every aspect that I got numb at times, lost track of the issues and even me. I was on a auto-pilot for long time. And when I felt alive, I craved for an uneventful day..a normal day where nothing would go wrong! When I could not change myself overnight or break from “the cycle of non-stop issues”. After some long term and little practical planning, I quit my good paying job, left all my so called friends, dropped contact with family members except my parents and chose solitude to start life from a clean slate. I wanted to feel like a person who just lost their memory in an accident. I did not run away from my problems, no one can & I’m not an exception to that. I fought with most of my problems head on but I had to take myself out and away from all the people and situations which were causing chaos in my life for some time to get clarity.

I often read articles like these to keep me grounded with the fact that there are others who are in less, equal or more pain than me. And whether their pain is less, equal or more than mine..it is immeasurable pain! At the end of the day, as I’ve read numerous times, we are all alone even when we are with someone. It would be pathetic to not enjoy my own company for a while:) I’m scared and don’t know what the next moment will bring but I keep telling myself..I will make it through this! One day at a time..like today!
broken4blessing
Dec 21 12, 1:11 am PDT

44
Thank you so much for this. You have blessed me tremendously in my time of need.
Macy
Feb 04 13, 2:56 pm PDT

45
I am thankful for the school lunch program and for my new friend who has helped us live in a comfortable place. I am thankful for the 99 cent store and for the fruits and vegetables they have been stocking. I am thankful that I got to keep my bed for my daughter and I. I am thankful I have an education in psychology so that I keep my head about things. I am thankful for sites like these so we can comfort each other and look at the positive so we can gravitate toward more positive and give some to others. I am thankful for the people that know it’s not okay to rationalize and leave family and friends to fend on their own. That all of us need to help others; give of ourselves to help the children and share jobs with those that can work.
Danny Ray Wooten
Mar 09 13, 6:57 pm PDT

46
Thanks
Robert
Mar 29 13, 10:47 am PDT

47
Thanks for helping me get back up on my feet when the times just got tough. I missed a couple of buses, and thus missed my Outdoor Recreation (field trip type) class, I got mad, called someone, and I looked up life being hard, and I read this article earlier. And thus, I began to realize that I’m not having a tough time that bad, not even close. So I am very thankful I looked this up. Thanks much.
Grant
Apr 02 13, 9:27 pm PDT

48
Hi There,
Very nice article. I am in a similar position heavily in debt with creditors knocking on my door and not being able to pay my bills and recently divorced at the age of sixty. No assets to my name but toatally agree with Tamara about living in the now. It is not easy as the conscious mind is like a monkey and whips one back to the past and the fears of the future. I am learning through my period that there is only this moment this moment. I am elarning to observe my emotions and to try and live for the moment even if I am doing nothing. I think also that I am learning to love my self more through this period. At these times we look at ourselves and the pain and the humiliation we suffer is very difficult to bear. We have failed or so we think and are ashamed because we tend to compare ourselves with others.
For all of you who are out there who are going through your period of despair(and we all do at some time or another in different degrees) I give you this poem with my love to you all.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley
andrew
Apr 03 13, 5:29 am PDT

49
Great post !!! god i thought i was the only one going through this hell
my story which i am living as i type this is as follows; two years ago i was 27 and living the dream i had fantasic friend , my job was awsome had a top of the range sports car a penthouse apartment over looking the sea life was so good!! then this amazing beautiful funny girl came into my life and we fell so deaply in love. soon after we moved into together me her and her beautiful son who was only one at the time. It was perfect i loved my new family life quickly grew up and put my partying days behind me. we had it all money in the love the lot!! so what went wrong?? I work or should say worked in property when the market crashed so did i. I lost my job and with that my complete confidence in myself. Gone where the days where money was not an option and gone where the days where my beautiful girl looked at me in ore it was though i died inside. I depesperatly tried to find another job well alot less money but a job but by this point debts wete mounting up and with no income they just kept on coming this further fuled my depression and before i knew it i was homeless. my ex said i changed to much and she no longer has any respect for me more pitties me. imoved out at her request as she no longer lived me. I begged for her to give me another chance but all that did was make me look desperate. 4 weeks later shes living with anothee man who she has told me a million times is 10x times the man i am and that i will never see her or the little lad who looked at me like a dad again!! i drank and drank every last penny i had slept on the streets begged and every waited outside kfc to eat other peoples left overs . I was a tramp at 30 how my life has changed. today i looked in the mirror in the public toilets proberly for the first time in 6 weeks and was embarrased to be me. this has to change so i sallowed my pride and called my sister who is nearest to me she drovea hour to pick me up and said she will help me get through this. today could be the start or aleast it is a start!! wish me luck and thankyou for your orginal post gives me hope

Andrew
Jazz
Apr 08 13, 8:42 pm PDT

50
I last wrote on Dec 11th above. Few months have gone by since and it feels as if years passed by. When I wrote my last post, I was in so much pain that I often wondered how I would ever make it through. I used to hear that time heals all.. well some wounds are still too deep and yet to heal but so many others healed. And now that those have healed I feel may be one day others deep ones will too.

I am still alone because I want to but found peace within. I am in no position to give any advice but if someone like me is reading this, I want to say that hang on to every last shred of hope even when it feels that everything’s hopeless. Don’t give up on yourself even if others do. Its okay to cry as long it does not become a habit. Its okay to get help, I will always ask for help when I really need it but never if it makes me dependent. Complaining will not help..I could blame myself and others all I want for doing wrong to me but I gradually learned to accept that I cannot change my past.. and its best to let it ALL go.

Since December I managed to pull myself out of the rubble one day at a time. My life is not 100% on tracks yet but it is back to a good level of normalcy.

Today I had the urge to come and check this blog again I guess in a way to re-read what I had experienced just few months ago. I can still feel the pain as I read my own words. I cried as I re-read it but the difference today was that tears of sadness and pain were over written with tears of continued hope, self-cheer for surviving, staying strong, choosing to move on..triumph and knowing that God is always there with me.. for me.

I am thankful to God for everything good given to me..I am also thankful for my pain and suffering. Because it is through these tough times that I found myself, others and have learned to live again in a way to never give up ever again!

God bless!!
Rick
Apr 26 13, 2:06 pm PDT

51
Wow! This was really helpful to me. My life is so broken right now, and the one thing I realized from this article is that I “tell my sad story” over and again to whoever will listen. I am probably getting to be pretty obnoxious by now.

In my mind I know that the more I talk about my “broken-ness”, the more I reinforce my belief in it. Thanks Tamara for helping me remember that; I must now choose not to devote energy to that which I do not want, but rather believe in the recovery of which I am capable, and richly deserve.
TJB
May 08 13, 8:17 am PDT

52
This story really resonated with me. I recently found myself drowning in the regular dissappointments of life. After a while, it can be pretty draining, to the point of “What’s the point”. But I remember that I did some of the things you mentioned: try to meditate, think of the good side of things, and ‘absorb’ those moments when you realize that you have just experienced gratitude.

I have to admit that it was not just a flimsy thing to do, but it got me through a really tough time. To the point that I had to admit to myself that not only could I have not made it without doing those (positive) things, but I recognized that it needed to be an essential part of my everyday living.

I am struggling with accepting that now, but your story is giving me hope to go back to it. Thanks for sharing.

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

We'd love to hear them! Please share:

Trackbacks (0)

Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life

How to Bounce Back When Life Gets Hard?

My Story

My Bounce Back to Life: 7 Lessons

Lesson 1: Materialistic Goals Aren’t All that Matter

Lesson 2: Angels Exist in Human Form

Lesson 3: Miracles Are All Around

Lesson 4: Learned Minimalism

Lesson 5: Learned Positivity

Lesson 6: Clarity from Self-Observation

Lesson 7: Focus on the Now

About the Author

Related Articles on How to Bounce Back:

Like this article? Sign up for updates

52 Responses (52 Comments, 0 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

Trackbacks (0)

Popular Posts

Latest Posts

Categories

Editor's Picks

Join Us:

Must Read Books

Join Us: