How to Quiet Your Mind

Do you regularly feel at ease and at peace? Are you continuously overflowing with Joy and Bliss on a daily basis, such that you seem free of problems and emotional pain? If so, go directly to the comment section and share with us your secrets.

If you’re still reading, you are amongst the vast majority of us striving for a better life, yearning for a more peaceful and joyful existence. Yet, it seems like an impossible challenge, where we end up mentally punishing ourselves for failing, concluding that “I’m just not made to live in peace.”

You see, it’s not us, it’s just that we’ve become so easily distracted by the hurrying demands of modern life, that we’ve temporarily lost touch with our natural state of being. But there is a way, if we seek it.

The purpose of this article is to share a simple technique to bring more peace, joy and clarity into your life. Would you like that?

Why It’s Hard to Find Peace and Joy?

If you observe our problems, you will notice that most problems are rooted in the mind. The basic premise is the same: some external event happens, we choose to see only one side of the story, and then interpret the situation such that it causes some form of mental conflict, resulting in some form of emotional suffering.

While it is easy to simply say, “drop your problems”, you and I both know that it is not that simple. We all have had years and years of conditioning in attracting problems and conflicts. So much so, that the simple concept of ‘stop thinking about problems’ will not be so effective on us. We need tools that strike at the problem’s root.

Let’s now try something. Close your eyes for about a minute (or 5 minutes), and during this minute, send out the intention that you want silence and stillness, and you do not want to be pulled away from this silence by thoughts. (Pause your reading and go do this.)

Okay, so what happened? You probably noticed that the moment you become silent, thoughts started popping up – random and unrelated thoughts. These thoughts become a form of distraction, pulling us away from our inner silence.

This was only an experiment where we consciously observed our mind and tried to become still, but could not. Imagine the state of our inner space, while we are going about our day, unaware of the polluting in-coming thoughts.

As a result, our inner space becomes cluttered with useless information, with thoughts that are not conducive to our wellbeing, with garbage. Because our inner space is cluttered, our inner clarity and in-born wisdom becomes distant and foggy. And essentially, we loose touch with that part of our inner selves that is sacred, and wise, and peaceful, and eternal.

The distractions that we’ve declared as urgent and important, such as watching TV, updating our facebook and myspace and twitter pages, checking email, gossiping on the phone, loading mp3s on our music players, etc. all pull at us. They all pull at our attention, distracting us away from the things that are truly important to us – things that will bring lasting happiness and fulfillment to our lives and the lives of others we have yet to come to know.

Whether we recognize it or not, the information that we expose ourselves to, fills our inner space on some level, and affects our emotions and desires.

And if we are not careful, we can easily rush through life, while spending our precious time on this planet focused on that which does not matter – and then wonder where did my life go? Why do I feel unsettled and easily irritated? Why do I feel unfulfilled and incomplete? And then we die wondering.

If you are here, breathing and reading this right now, then you have been blessed with this day, to wake up! Wake up and take control of your destiny, starting with what you focus on and allow into your life (regardless of your age).

Simple Guide to a Deep Inner Cleanse

One way to clean out the clutter in our inner space is by guarding the garden of our mind. Being conscious of what we allow inside, starting with our own words, thoughts and attention.

We may not be aware of this, but we spend so much energy on gossiping, bad mouthing other people, judging other people, finding faults in others, and consumed in negative thoughts like jealousy, guilt or fear, and making excuses to cover up how we actually feel. I know all this sounds really bad and exaggerated when it’s all laid out like this. But if we truly observe ourselves, our thoughts and our words, we will notice that at some point of everyday, however subtly or unconsciously, we are doing several of these things.

I’m not pointing fingers, I can only speak from my own experience and confirm that this is true. Sometimes, the “violation” is subtle, like passing a negative judgment on a waiter at a restaurant, or becoming frustrated with a telephone customer service rep and wanting to call him a bad name, or making a little lie of an excuse instead of saying no.

It’s not that by having these thoughts or saying these words we become bad people. It’s just that these things become useless junk that clutters our inner space and does not contribute to our inner wellbeing.

Photo by Carlos Yepez (see him on flickr).

I had learned the following simple but incredibly effective technique from Swami Nithya Bhaktananda, spiritual counselor and direct disciple of Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji).

Follow these four rules to inner cleanse:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.
Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.
Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

I will expand on each rule in detail. If you want, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Word Doc

The 4 Rules to Quiet the Mind – Explained

1. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Part A: Say what you mean.

Have you found yourself making up excuses to avoid fully dealing with a potentially uncomfortable situation?

For example, your friend asks you to some social event. You don’t really want to go, but make up an excuse that “I can’t make it” or “I’m busy“, probably so you can quietly avoid something or someone or some activity.

Another example, someone asks you for a favor that you do not wish to comply to, but you feel guilty for rejecting him, so you either avoid that person (ie. Ignoring emails or phone calls), or create an excuse that isn’t really true (ie. I am out of town.)

It is not that you cannot do something, as your excuse suggests. The truth is that you have chosen not to do something, but the act of creating an excuse or avoiding it initiates a stir in your inner space, and it takes energy to maintain. Instead of stillness and peace, you are now holding onto and thinking about this little lingering “lie”.

When you are about to say anything, make a conscious decision to say the absolute truth, or what you actually mean. The absolute truth doesn’t have to be harsh or hurtful, you can do so compassionately and authentically, but firmly. When you own what you say, no one can reject it, even if they don’t like what they hear; because you are telling the truth and you mean it.

Part B: Mean what you say.

Sometimes we say things in passing out of obligation or habit that we don’t mean or intend on following through with. For example, we say, “I love you” to our parents or significant other when we hang up the phone, not because we mean it, but out of habit. The words comes so automatically now, that they start to lose their true meaning.

In another example, we will say, “I’ll call you soon“, “let’s chat soon“, or “I’ll call you tomorrow“. Or we offer to help, as parting words to a friend, and don’t intend on keeping that statement, but say it because it was easy and made the other person feel good.

We may think that these casual comments are harmless, but we know deep down that they are not true. They become little lies that we internalize, and over time they will develop into a guilty conscience that distracts you away from this moment.

Make a conscious commitment to yourself to mean everything that you say, and not to make empty promises that you cannot, will not, do not intend to fulfill.

2. Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.

Whether we admit to this or not, most of us love some form of gossiping (myself included). We are also quick to notice fault in others, and then talk about them with our trusted allies. Or we find out about someone’s misfortune and immediately we want to tell somebody.

I’m sure you can interject and include many examples from your life. But for sake of conversation, one example is: Jenny, at work, had an emotional fit and yelled at a co-worker today, and when we got home, we immediately told our spouse about the drama.

Another example, Pat was fired from his job, once we heard about it, we called or text-messaged our best friend Jane to tell her about it, or even exchange jokes about Pat, because we don’t like him.

In both examples, we cannot repeat the same things to everyone, especially Jenny or Pat. And if we really observed our inner space during and after we said these things, we wouldn’t feel very good in our stomach.

When we consciously observe such a conversation, we learn that we have accomplished nothing that feeds our soul. All we did was spread drama and created negative energy and inner conflict that polluted our inner space.

Make a commitment to yourself, that you will not say something to one person, unless you can announce it to the world, to everybody. Make a commitment to stop the spreading of drama and bad energy.

3. Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.

Most of us are extremely critical of ourselves. Because we would never tell the world what we say to ourselves, in the privacy of our mind, we believe that we are the only ones affected by negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

When something doesn’t go perfectly, we are first to blame ourselves, criticizing what we did wrong, what we didn’t do perfect enough, what we missed.

We all have inner chattering, but problems arise when we start to believe in our inner chattering, such that false beliefs about ourselves are formed. These false beliefs become detrimental to our spirits and future wellbeing, unless we do something to unlearn these beliefs.

Next time, you hear the voice in your head say “I’m stupid” or “I’m not good enough” or “I am a failure” or other related self-defeating thoughts, recognize that it is not you. You could verbally say, “That’s not me! That’s not true!” and even declare the following to this thought,

“From today forward, I choose to let you go, for you are no longer serving me. I am exposing you, for you are not real! From today onward, I am free from you.”

The basic premise of the third rule to inner cleanse is that, whatever thought you are not able to say out aloud to people (anyone), don’t even bother entertaining inside your head. Keep your inner space clean.

4. Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

Some people have so much inner chatter that it spills out of them in the form of useless speech.

Observe the people who talk on buses, or love to chitchat at work by the water fountain. If you observe and count the number of things they say that are actually useful or truly interesting, it would be a low number.

Not only is this distracting for those around this person, it takes an enormous amount of energy for this person to keep talking. Recall the last time you talked for a long time about something random, and how drained you felt afterwards. Plus, the more useless things we say, the more useless things we feed back into our head.

If you feel that I’ve described you, don’t feel discouraged. I’ve been there too, and can contest that it is possible to quiet down.

Some people practice sabbatical days where they don’t speak at all, or read, or use the computer. And at the end of such a day, they feel a tremendous sense of peace, space and energy bubbling inside them.

Be conscious of what you say and only say it if any of the following is true:

Is what I’m saying …

True to me? An authentic statement from my heart?
Useful or helpful to someone or some situation?
Kind or compassionate? Such as a compliment, or an offer of help?

Parting Words: On Quieting The Mind

This post was born out of 4 simple sentences someone gave me a few months ago. After practicing it in my own life, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you give this simple 4-line guidance a try for 21 days, you will notice a beautiful inner transformation – from noise to stillness, from chaos to clarity.

It may seem difficult at first, but do it consistently and consciously for 3 days and it becomes much easier after that. Extend it to 7 days, and then to 21 days. Please do not kick yourself for slipping on the rules, it happens, let it go.

After some time, observe how your outer world changes, as your inner world is transformed. Please come back and share with us.

One more thing: Let your heart guide you. Trust it, and listen to it.

(Again, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Doc)

Editor’s Note: Speaking of slipping the rules, while Jeremy was editing this article, he stopped at one point, to colorfully curse out the upstairs neighbor for making loud bizarre noises. Then we both looked at each other and laughed at the irony. Another lesson learned.

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* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
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Other Articles You May Enjoy:

External Resources:

Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version)
Book: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
Book: The Power of Now

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129 Responses (107 Comments, 22 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Positively Present

Jun 11 09, 12:15 pm PDT

1
Wow, wow, wow. Those 4 rules are so simple, but so great. I can think of a million ways I can apply (and should have applied) them to my own life. I absolutely love how you’ve expanded on each rule and ADORE the little wallet-sized list you’ve created for us. I just printed it now and will keep it with me. Thank you so much!
Leo
Jun 11 09, 12:20 pm PDT

2
Rule #3 resonated with me. Thanks!
Alex @ Happiness in this World

Jun 11 09, 12:21 pm PDT

3
Tina,
Excellent guidelines. I was especially struck by your point in #3 that inner chatter can quickly evolve into deeply held beliefs. It is the beliefs we hold both consciously and unconsciously that determine how we react to external events. If we believe, for example, that we must have a certain amount of money to be happy, losing a job will become a cause of great suffering. If, however, we believe doing fulfilling work is what’s required to be happy, losing a job can become an opportunity to be happy. A simplistic example, but I firmly believe the degree of happiness and suffering we accrue in our lives is more determined by what we believe about what happens to us than what actually happens to us. Thanks for presenting such clear-cut, easy (sort of!) to implement guidelines for inner peace.

Alex
Frances

Jun 11 09, 12:25 pm PDT

4
Four simple rules and so much clarity. Astounding. I’m going to start trying this right away. Thanks!
Nadia - Happy Lotus

Jun 11 09, 12:30 pm PDT

5
Hi Tina,

I like how you took the four rules as a method of an inner cleanse to help achieve clarity. It is so true that so many thoughts flood our mind that we are unaware how they effect how we feel and think about ourselves and the world around us. I also loved your honesty at what happened when Jeremy were editing this post. Not many people would be so open, so that was awesome. :)

One more thought, words are so powerful and words used without awareness sometimes can cause more pain than a physical wound.

Great job and great idea about the wallet size reminder of these important four rules! :)
Nathalie Lussier

Jun 11 09, 12:32 pm PDT

6
Oh my gosh Tina. This is such amazing stuff. I have been doing a lot of work on my own communications, and this just reinforces my findings. There are a lot of things happening in my family life at the moment, and sometimes I slip and let myself say things that are just plain gossip. I don’t feel good when I do it, and I know it’s not good for anyone involved.

Thanks for sharing this wisdom, it really is incredible. Now to practice it in my daily life.
simply stephen

Jun 11 09, 12:32 pm PDT

7
Tina, I read your articles with such intensity and am always overcome with a feeling of wonder. The wisdom you share is generous. I have tried at times to practice all of the above principles but never together. I am reminded of an old saying, which I haven’t mastered but make the effort to.

Average People Talk about People
Good People Talk about Events
Great People Talk about Ideas!

It is a hard practice, but the rewards are great. Thank you for your insight and simple approach. I have downloaded the document for my 21 days of change.
Marc and Angel Hack Life

Jun 11 09, 1:51 pm PDT

8
#3 is genius. If you don’t feel comfortable telling others about it, you shouldn’t be comfortable with it at all.

Lovely post, Tina.

;-)
Solo Road Trip

Jun 11 09, 2:52 pm PDT

9
So much wisdom packed in one very readable bundle! I’m one of those people who get easily overwhelmed. As a young adult I convinced myself I was happiest with lots of spinning plates. The problem with that state becomes self-evident in the fact not much gets done, but there’s a lot going on. Maybe the “a lot going on” means you don’t have to focus on what’s not getting done. I finally stopped the cycle 10 years ago when my grandmother told me “Tammie, you CAN get off the train.” I did so by simplifying my life through a lot of techniques (from limiting credit cards and bank accounts to one each, and completely eliminating activities that were fruitless contributors to the quality of my life). Today, I’m diligent about examining what new plates I want to begin spinning. And I spend the occasional time in solitude to sort out all those thoughts Tina refers to that are simply clutter. Solitude is way under-rated in today’s society.
Melvin_H_Fox

Jun 11 09, 2:53 pm PDT

10
The peace of Christ dwells in my heart continually since the moment I accepted Him as my personal savior. The same peace that surpasses all understanding is available at all times to anyone who calls on the name of the Lord; they will be saved.

-Mel
Jens Upton

Jun 11 09, 2:59 pm PDT

11
Wonderful article. Well written – all 4 points and your parting words are practical, realistic and caring. 1 and 3 are powerful resources. Thanks for this.

Regarding your exercise on stillness, I recommend closing your eyes for a minute or more, regularly throughout the day (maybe 1 min. an hour or 2 hours).
Consider it a fun exploration of what’s possible.
Have an attitude that any distractions will help you return (focus again) to more stillness.
Allow whatever happens to happen as you sit quietly.
This way you build up comfortable familiarity with a still space inside you. As you allow yourself to happily sit relaxed and still, you’ll notice how much easier it is to be here and for longer.

Thanks again
Jens
Devan

Jun 11 09, 3:35 pm PDT

12
Great article Tina – it reminds me of a saying that I think my parents taught me when I was very young – I still remember it decades later:

‘Each thought must pass through three gatekeepers before leaving your lips. The first gatekeeper will ask “Is it necessary?”, the second will ask “Is it kind?” then third will ask “Is it the truth?”‘

I don’t always live by this 100% of the time unfortunately, but I often find it a great guide when interacting with others.
David
Jun 11 09, 3:45 pm PDT

13
Thanks again for another uplifting post.
Tiffany
Jun 11 09, 4:34 pm PDT

14
This is an excellent post that everyone should read and take to heart. Thank you, i’m going to print this out and save it. :-)
Srinivas Rao

Jun 11 09, 6:38 pm PDT

15
Great article Tina. I thinking achieving this inner peace and silence is something that does wonders for us in terms of our ability to be successful in all areas of our lives.
Kaushik

Jun 12 09, 2:42 am PDT

16
Great pointers, thank you.

Presence is crucial–this passive watchfulness that we can all easily effortlessly keeps the inner garden green and pristine…yet it is difficult for many people to get to a place of sustained stillness. I suggest release techniques, which are easier than meditation or presence.

Your four rules are simple and easy-to-remember. Thanks!
Jarrod - Warrior Development

Jun 12 09, 4:02 am PDT

17
It is all training your mind, for years we have trained ourselves to fill our minds and constantly think/emote.

All you need to do is constantly train your mind to stop thinking, to stop being taking over by emotion.

In each moment stopping the mind from running away instead of in each moment encouraging it to run further away.

I learnt about this 5 years ago and tried to put it into practice in every moment. After retraining myself it is now effectively on auto-pilot and I don’t need to put in much extra effort to stay at peace and happy.
kare anderson

Jun 12 09, 6:31 am PDT

18
Your clarity in this expansive post makes your insights all the more congruent. This has been my path and your approach has helped me stay on it. Quieting the chattering mind promotes directed action.
Rick
Jun 12 09, 6:46 am PDT

19
Good article, I think people can really benefit fr doing what you outlined.

Here is what really helped me, it’s a little motto I remind myself of when I rush or complain inside.

“Dont rush, don’t resist.”

Don’t rush through life, enjoy everything around you. Look around and take it all in. Sounds, smells, sights, everything. Don’t think about the future or past, just enjoy where you are.

Don’t resist life either. You are where you are and you have to accept that. Don’t fight what is going on, deal with it and keep moving.

The power of now is full of info like this but that little motto of mine really drove it home. It’s made a big difference in myblife over the past few months.
Uzma
Jun 12 09, 7:29 am PDT

20
Very nice, Tina. It really is an effort to not gossip or talk about someone with our best friends. A cleansing process indeed.
Your point of ‘don’t say on the inside what you can’t on the outside’ was especially nice and useful.
Thanks
Susan
Jun 12 09, 11:54 am PDT

21
I just endured a demeaning visit from a relative. I was so frustrated that I just sat down and typed in “how to get along with difficult people”. Your advice was so solid that I visited your homepage. As a middle school teacher I see and hear all the drama and cruel words that destroy hearts and minds. Not only did your passage and four rules help mend my outlook, it has found a way into my curriculum for the new year. Thank you!
Carla
Jun 12 09, 2:59 pm PDT

22
Excelent article and exactly what I needed right now. I will be starting my 21 days right now :) thank you!
"H"

Jun 12 09, 5:17 pm PDT

23
It is simply beautiful.
I think it is also practical way to make your life simple.
To make our life simple means to enjoy each moment fully, at least, for me.
Thanks,
“H”
Scott - Reading For Your Success

Jun 12 09, 6:19 pm PDT

24
Well done Tina. For some reason this post hit home so much more than many of the things I’ve read lately. Maybe it’s the simplicity. That is where the power always seems to be. For years I have been deliberate about being mindful of what I say to others and being considerate in that respect but never did I think about how incredibly important it was to take that advice in the things I say to myself inside my head–whether they are about others or myself. I am not typically a negative person at all and this distinction gives me lots to think about. I am looking forward to it’s application. I can already see it’s value. Thank you!

One thing that has been a life-saver for me this year in clearing my mind and just removing a great deal of the stress and anxiety I used to carry in my mind, body and stomach has been meditation. After taking a few classes, reading a couple books, attending a retreat and seeing the Dalai Lama live in Santa Barbara, I have made meditation a part of my daily life. It’s been almost like magic. In fact I am just finishing up a book review on Learn to Mediate which is the book that got me started. I highly recommend diving into the topic (as I know you already have Tina).

To presence and clarity,
Scott
GodGivenGrowth

Jun 12 09, 8:21 pm PDT

25
Very nice post, great writing ability!
Marie
Jun 12 09, 9:23 pm PDT

26
Dear Tina,
I’ve forgotten how I clicked my way to you, but I felt a surge of joy when I read about you wherever. Yay!
I didn’t read your rules because I’ve found my own way and I’d like to share that too. It was through finding my inner clown and living it. Patch Adams, The Power of Now, The Celestine Prophecy, The Tao of Poo, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and my friend Al are just a few books and people who helped me along the way. It has been about short magical moments of connection, of knowing and learning and wow, seeing/ reading you here and knowing the world is good as it is and changing all the time. Thanks and bless you!
Hamid
Jun 13 09, 12:08 am PDT

27
Im directly jumping to comments after reading the first paragraph. My life has been so joyful and easy because I am outspoken and try to be logical. I keep nothing in my heart which irks me. People around me felt uneasy in the beginning but now they are going along well.

PS: Life becomes a lot easier if you are able to differentiate between other people’s fact and opinion. Dont contradict facts and learn to respect opinion.
Rosabel

Jun 13 09, 12:19 am PDT

28
I admired people who can always mean what s/he say and say what s/he means. Doing and saying are two different things. Most of the time, people prefer saying instead of doing or practicing. I myself believe practicing is more practical and useful to help us move forward.
Thanks for the pointers, they are useful!
Uzma
Jun 13 09, 12:25 am PDT

29
For Hamid.
I find it very very interesting that you 1. jumped right to the comments, 2. you say ” you keep nothing in your heart that irks you”. My understanding of the practise Tina says above, is that through mindful action and speech, one reaches a place where very few things ‘irks their hearts’. Hence on is not troubled by outside events/people and hence doesn’t need to vent. Hence by practising the points above, frustuations, troubles at others tend to dissipate as we reach a place of peace within ourselves. Basically the expression of negativity and negative opinion is reduced. Negativity is usually our ego’s need to be right and dominant, or our self doubts asserting themselves. However with mindful action and speech, one learns to be aware of this and hopefully control it or watch it fall away.
So there is compassion for all things and people.
You must elucidate as to how you are joyful at all times. Do you have tremendous inner peace. If so how?
Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net

Jun 13 09, 4:26 am PDT

30
Tina, ditto on what you said regarding turning to facebook/twitter/etc daily activities as an escape route vs. facing our problems. I realize many people consciously/unconsciously use these as convenient ways to avoid dealing with what we have on hand. It’s important to be aware when it happens and handle them accordingly. There’s many people may be physically old but remain emotionally undeveloped because they have never tried to develop themselves mentally/emotionally before. I wrote an article on escapism a month back, inspired by some experiences with some of my coachees (http://embraceliving.net/blog/2009/05/what-are-you-running-away-from/). The gist of the article was there’s no point in running away because we ultimately need to deal with what we are trying to escape from.
CaliforniaUberAlles
Jun 13 09, 7:51 pm PDT

31
You’re kidding, right?

I agree that gossip is usually bad. I shy away from it myself. But “not saying to anyone anything you’d not say to everyone” is grossly overstated and just plain silly. Think about it. Good friends are precisely those people we can trust and talk with freely. We avoid saying certain things to acquaintances. And workmates, well, they’re another ball game altogether. Adopting your principle would essentially wipe out the public/private distinction and eviscerate the notion of friendship.

You know, your post should really have been entitled “4 easy steps to an internalized police state.”

Happy monkey! ;-)
Hamid
Jun 14 09, 3:09 am PDT

32
FOR UZMA,
My friends and colleagues say that Im alway happy and thats how I feel about me mostly. I have inner peace because
1) Im able to differentiate between people’s opinions and facts and I treat them accordingly.

2) Im assertive but present my thoughts as my soft opinion, giving the listener an opportunity to disagree with them.

3) I get tremendous pleasure from little joys of life. A pleasant incident in morning gives me kicks whole day long.

4) And I pay little or no heed to what people say.

Thats how i keep my inner peace. Hope I made myself clear.
Melissa

Jun 14 09, 9:41 am PDT

33
Hi — I just found your blog, and this article couldn’t have come at a better time! Thanks!
Veta Bowers
Jun 15 09, 5:18 am PDT

34
I have peace and joy in my life in great abundance! I received it through the grace and hope I found in God the father, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who quiets me and guides me every day. The godhead three in one, changes me as I worship. I feel cleansed of my wrongdoings, I feel hope for an eternal future, and I feel able to live with power over myself. My abundant hope leads to peace and joy which cancels out everything else. I can fully appreciate the pain in my life more than most people I know, and even when I’m experiencing the deepest pains and can feel no happiness, my hope in the Lord gives me great joy. Joy is not happiness, it is something which never goes away, and I can have it even when I suffer. My hope gives me joy and even peace when I suffer, and gets me back on my feet so I can feel happiness and the good times again.
Uzma
Jun 15 09, 9:54 am PDT

35
Thats nice of you Hamid. Thank you for sharing. Very nice of you to do so. You’re so right on many counts. Indeed if one enjoys the small things in life , life does become peaceful.
Thanks again for sharing.
God bless
Jerry

Jun 15 09, 12:33 pm PDT

36
Great post! Thanks for elaborating on a theory I’ve used in my life on everything from my business to my recreation. This should be required weekly reading.
Auto Insurance Phi

Jun 17 09, 4:27 pm PDT

37
I always take a moment after yoga to just lay there and meditate for about 10 minutes. No better time investment to get your body and mind relaxed and stronger.
Don Esperanza
Jun 22 09, 12:40 am PDT

38
TIna-
i jumped straight to the comments page and began to write how i ”regularly feel at ease and at peace.. continuously overflowing with Joy and Bliss on a daily basis, such that you seem free of problems and emotional pain…” but of course read your material once i wrote my reply. Truth be told i erased it because incorporated much of what you had written in this post. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and agree with message you emit.
I found this on a pendant long ago and it has always helped to remind me in moments of losing the path as we all will at certain times in life due to the disease of excessive thinking,

Five Simple Rules For Happiness
1. Free your mind from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live Simply
4. Give More
5. Expect Less

it is those who remember how to keep your mind free and your soul peaceful that reach a state of enlightenment :)
Be here now, appreciating the past and the present, and viewing the future as an adventure.

Continue spreading the happiness around you as you all ready are.
Carl Jackson
Jun 23 09, 8:08 am PDT

39
I prioritize what is important to me and my spiritual goals in life and cancel the rest, everything else is irrelivant. Thats how I keep my peace of mind.
lisa

Jun 23 09, 8:11 pm PDT

40
Your observations, real life examples, and suggestions are so appreciated. Reading your comments, hearing your successes and struggles, helps myself and others through times of strength and weakness.

Please keep sharing your stories and updates.
Lisa
Last Minute Gift Ideas

Jun 23 09, 9:34 pm PDT

41
Wow this blog was very helpful. I struggle everyday trying to clear my mind. This leads to my insomnia. I’ve been reading books about it and everything. very insightful post. thanks!
the foreigner
Jul 05 09, 12:26 pm PDT

42
Great post Tina!

But be careful with this one:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

I think it’s a bit dangerous to believe that saying precisely what we mean will help us to get rid of guilt.

Let’s imagine someone is asking for a favor and that we don’t want to do it.

We can stop there. Here’s the source of the guilt. No matter what we say or do beyond this point we will feel guilty for not wanting to help out.

Saying exactly what we mean will not help, because what we would really try to convey is that this person is not important to us. This is the real reason. It will do even more damage.

The purpose of the white lie “I’m just too busy” is actually to avoid making this person feel unimportant. IMO this is being considerate.

Your point is still important though because we mustn’t mistake our white lies for the truth. If we do that we lose the ability to deal with our guilt.

Because then we might say to ourselves that “it’s okay because I had so many important things to do.” But our brains will never accept that because it knows it’s not true. Plus it will punish us for lying to it by adding some more guilt. The bastard.

Avoidance, not answering emails and so on, is a direct consequence of not dealing with guilt.

The way to deal with it is to face it. To spell out the truth to yourself. In this case “this person wasn’t important enough for me to help, so I didn’t”, and then to practice self-forgiveness. We didn’t mean to do harm so it’s okay. Then let it go.

There’s a social angle here too. When someone asks us if we like their sweater, and we absolutely hate it, we can’t really say “No, I think it’s hideous.”

That wouldn’t be considerate, because what this person is really saying is “Please tell me you like my sweater.” Our opinions is not the point.

Even the sweater is beside the point. It’s rather “Please tell me you accept me the way I am”.

If we’re unable to say “I do accept you the way you are” (“Hey, you look great!”) then we are also unable to accept ourselves. The mind that thinks “that person looks hideous” will soon think “I look hideous”. The hand that points outwards also points inwards.

Okay, thanks for reading and thanks for sharing!
Charles Rinehart

Jul 16 09, 2:27 pm PDT

43
Great blog. I enjoyed it. All the best.
Joey Logano Fan

Jul 23 09, 9:38 am PDT

44
The first paragraph had me giggling. I cant think of anyone like that :D you are right, we can easily get overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of life, especially in today’s society. Its hard to stop thinking about all of the problems. You are right we do spend a lot of our time engaged in activity that is not going to fulfill us. Yes we are too critical of ourselves. I haven’t met a single person who isn’t worried about how they are looking etc or what others are thinking. These are definitely some great tips.
Why

Jul 25 09, 9:55 am PDT

45
I haven’t read more useful 4 advices in a long time. Thank you, Tina. Every article of yours is amazing!
jonathanfigaro

Aug 02 09, 1:57 pm PDT

46
This is a great post. Being able to understand the mechanics of the mind brings light to how to speak , think and act. By only doing things you mean and say, it builds character and integrity. It allow you to think twice before you speak. Making sure your words are really what you mean.
chetan
Aug 05 09, 9:50 am PDT

47
just drop the ego, thats it !
Effortless Abundance

Aug 12 09, 5:47 pm PDT

48
‘… observe how your outer world changes, as your inner world is transformed.’

This is a wonderful sentiment. Our experience is a reflection, or an echo, of our inner world, I believe. Our inner world is the reality – ‘out there’ is the consequence of what’s inside.
Niro Thambipillay

Aug 18 09, 6:11 pm PDT

49
Tina, I love this post – the part about Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside is something I will take to heart.

Over the last few months, I have found myself with a greater sense of inner peace because I have consciously sort to create it. So I have what I call “My inner peace habits” which involve the following:
- Taking time to meditate regularly
- Visualising my goals and their success (regardless of what challenges I’m now facing)
- Asking myself quality questions such as (what am I grateful for right now? why am I so blessed each and every day?) These questions immediately serve to change my focus to one of being more positive
- I ensure I take a few minutes each day to focus on at least one thing I’m grateful for during my moments of prayer. That could be the wonderful relationship I have with my girl, my fabulous energy levels, my growing business or whatever. When I was down and out, I would choose to get grateful for the fact that I had a warm bed to sleep in, a roof over my head (which was not always certain) ,eyes to see with, legs to walk with etc. In other words I went looking for things to be grateful for and that helped me keep my inner peace when all around me was chaotic.

Thank you for this great post.

Cheers,

Niro
Annya
Aug 24 09, 4:37 pm PDT

50
Great article! And the timing could not be more perfect. For a few weeks now I have trying to improve my speech and also quiet my mind by discarding certain words and eliminating gossip and just attempting to speak more eloquently and positively. It proved to be much harder than I had originally envisioned due to all the noise and chatter and defeatist inner dialogue. I am so glad to have come across these rules, I think they will definitely help me.
Steven
Aug 25 09, 10:40 am PDT

51
Well said.
Chuck Bluestein

Aug 26 09, 6:54 pm PDT

52
It is great to read an article that is dealing with the most important thing in life. When the body dies, the mind goes and all you have left is the soul.
Sietse | HowToLiveWow.com

Aug 30 09, 8:42 am PDT

53
Great post! Many years ago, I read something alike focusing on breathing. Just taking the deepest and most conscious breath you can a couple of times a day can already give a certain relaxation. Keep up the good work :)
Meghashyam Chirravoori

Sep 04 09, 5:53 am PDT

54
I just pasted the first 3 of the 4 rules on my refreigerator door. The whole post touched something so so so so relevant to my life.

These two lines –
“making excuses to cover up how we actually feel”

and “making a little lie of an excuse instead of saying no.” are two things that I detected a lot in my daily life.

Here’s finishing with a prayer that all who read this be truer to themselves in this moment.
Gaurav Patil
Sep 07 09, 8:04 pm PDT

55
half of the comment comes after reading the first line only
A beautiful post
simple and elegant ways of life and happiness – i have found this post largely great and helpful
especially the judging others and forgiving part
Nancy Wylde

Sep 11 09, 3:11 am PDT

56
Tina, this is a beautiful post. Gratitude for what we do have has for me been one of the most powerful tools. Remembering what I do have to be grateful for is something I have made quite a habit of and has allowed more into my life.
Meditation as well serves to quiet the mind and the most effective meditation of all time for me is the simplest one – just taking very deep and purposeful breaths.
Ravi
Sep 23 09, 5:23 am PDT

57
Tina, thanks for the great blog! In this particular article, I find #3 to be particularly tough to follow. It seems easier to control what we speak out than what we speak within ourselves.

With regard to the example scenario in #1, where one finds oneself making excuses to avoid an uncomfortable social gathering, what do you think would be the right response – softly convey that one is not comfortable in such social gatherings or work towards making oneself comfortable in those gatherings? I often find myself in this situation.

Thanks again!
Vincent

Oct 08 09, 9:53 am PDT

58
“Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.”

I do not know why but this tip caught my mind. Our inner chatters play a huge part in how our life and by not saying anything to ourselves that we can’t say outside, it is a great way to quiet our mind and be more at ease.

Cheers,
Vincent
tracey madine
Oct 08 09, 11:34 am PDT

59
This is so useful. I have read happiness is a choice by neil kaufman and he has a very similar approach to life. I always thought we had to lie sometimes to protect peoples feelings but its all false and it doesnt feel right anymore. I CHOOSE TO LIVE AND LOVE AUTHENTICALLY.
With love Tracey
success mindset

Oct 14 09, 12:37 pm PDT

60
Thank You for the informative post. It is right to the point and very clear. It is such a challenge to get quiet and do some productive thinking which so many people need to do today.

Thanks for the great article.
axel g

Nov 24 09, 7:35 am PDT

61
Hey Tina!

Awareness of the inner chatter, makes for true change…

Beautiful post +_+
Josh
Nov 25 09, 2:24 pm PDT

62
I was randomly stumbling upon websites, and this one caught my eye. I dont know exactly how to explain my emotions after reading this, and no word seems to really fully explain how I feel, but thankful is the first word that comes to mind. The past two months have taken a huge toll on my well being, so much so the thought of suicide was becoming a reality to me just a few weeks ago. Thankfully after reading this I realized the way I think and feel is not only alienated to me, other people have experienced the same and as it seems changed for the better. Im going to give these four rules a try for the 21 days and in the end I hope it truely does bring me some inner peace. I’ll keep you posted if you like.
DuhhGie
Nov 26 09, 8:08 pm PDT

63
Through GOD my mindset is already at this state. Of course it is not constant, I am not always at peace or joyful but with my allegiance to Jesus I am able to experience this and a lot more.
Marius
Nov 29 09, 6:56 pm PDT

64
thanks for this article, it`s awesome, hey Josh I will give it a try to, actually I already started. let us know how it goes
Deborah

Dec 01 09, 10:20 am PDT

65
A clear reminder of being conscious of our words. One that I needed to read today. Thank you!
Ang~
Dec 04 09, 11:29 pm PDT

66
These 4 rules is exactly what I need right now. I go day to day doing the exact opposite of these rules and get no where but in a negetive funk. I’m gonna try these out.
Josh
Dec 21 09, 4:10 pm PDT

67
Hey guys, Im Josh from the earlier post. I was just gonna let you guys know that this really helped me out and opened my mind I guess you could say. Im not so stressed out anymore and actually have alot more confidence in myself, so much so I made the decision to join the Navy. I really feel like my life is moving forward now. So I just wanted to say thanks, this really helped me out.
Leigh Frampton
Feb 13 10, 3:04 am PDT

68
The one thing I’d like to add is an idea I believe I deduced from another one of your posts on “suchness” (or maybe from articles on Buddhism, not sure).

When I have a problem, I’m all about plans and action. “here’s what I’m going to do,” and “this I can make this happen the way I want it to.” Then I read about the lotus sermon (my apologies if I’m misremembering this). Now when I get bogged down obsessing over the “action plans,” I think (or try to remember to think) “wait, let it unfold.” And I imagine a unopened lotus flower and if I’m quiet long enough, it unfolds. You can’t open a lotus flower without shredding it. The only way is to let it unfold. In other words, If I stop worrying about controlling the conflict, it unfolds and becomes what it’s suppose to be, rather than what I want to make it (which would end up being a shredded mess).

And I thought I’d also point out this has also helped me with running. I get to the point I want to stop. And I say “wait, let’s see what unfolds.” I imagine the tight, closed lotus bud, and after a few minutes it opens and I find I’m comfortable again and enjoying my run.

I guess the moral of the story is there’s only one way to open a flower, and if you’re impatient and try and open it any other way, you will never see what it was suppose to be.

…okay, just rereading an article about the flower sermon and maybe that is not what the Buddha meant with the flower, but it works for me. :)
one step at a time
Mar 04 10, 9:58 pm PDT

69
I’ll give this a try.
Thank you.
Phill
Mar 20 10, 6:30 pm PDT

70
I already figured it out so I stopped reading. If you stop caring about the consequences of your actions and accept that inevitably we all reach the same end, then you can calm your mind.

Just remember that when you die, it feels just like before you were born.
Brad
Mar 31 10, 2:49 pm PDT

71
Your garden is not yours, you are the eyes which see the garden. Learn to control what the eyes see And happiness is yours. learn that to be happy you must be different, YOU WIL NEVER FIT IN if your eyes see a beautiful garden. Nobodys eyes do, they try and see the garden for which it physcically most resembles.
If you want to be happy – fill the garden with imaginary roses
If you want to be human – Start planting
Ben Koshkin
May 14 10, 6:14 pm PDT

72
The only difference between a good day and a bad day is our perception.

Ben Koshkin
Val

Jun 15 10, 1:49 pm PDT

73
I suspect most of us would do a lot less talking if we consistently followed these four rules.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could consistently stop the negative internal and external chatter and replace it with constructive comments that help ourselves and others? That’s certainly some personal growth worth aiming for.
ABDULHAFIZ
Jun 21 10, 8:10 am PDT

74
Tina, thank you
jared
Jun 29 10, 5:18 am PDT

75
this has helped me greatly. thank you.
Farah Farooq
Aug 04 10, 11:06 pm PDT

76
the article does not address confusion some times you are torn or hurt or feel ill treated or may be having expectations from close ones which if not fulfilled leave you to doubt, skepticism or betrayal and that is the worst thing that can happen to stop you from being kind compassionate or helpful to others.
Nevertheless the advice is worth following though i would like comment of the experts on this aspect of stress caused by negative behavior of people around us.
For how long can we ignore or remain unaffected?
albertfuller
Aug 10 10, 9:48 am PDT

77
Words are seem to evoke so much when they are on the page … trying to improve oneself is a great idea that all too often can only be a great idea. Too often a desire to change oneself (a fashion in today’s spirituality) is grabbed hold over without a significant awareness of oneself. Without a deep insight into oneself, whatever you want to change is not you but some behavior (physical, mental, or emotional). Today a single step is looked upon as a 1000 miles … everyone is travelling but no one is going anywhere. At this point, what is the difference between talk and noise?
albertfuller
Aug 10 10, 9:55 am PDT

78
Words seem to evoke so much when they are on the page … trying to improve oneself is a great idea that all too often can only be a great idea. Too often a desire to change oneself (a fashion in today’s spirituality) is grabbed hold off without a significant awareness of oneself. Without a deep insight into oneself, whatever you want to change is not you but some behavior (physical, mental, or emotional). Today a single step is looked upon as a 1000 miles … everyone is travelling but no one is going anywhere. At this point, what is the difference between talk and noise?
Charles

Oct 31 10, 4:06 am PDT

79
Any effort to quiet ones mind seems a good cause, thank you for yours. I’m reminded of phrases such as, “the older you get, the less you know.” My cluttering thoughts usually have to do with some sort of strategy to get through life, which I think is in part what we’re talking about here. I wish I had a firmer grasp on good limits so I wouldn’t have to try so hard to achieve something that may not be possible nohow.
Scott
Nov 15 10, 7:25 pm PDT

80
Keep your mind tuned into the world around you. Practice just listening and looking at everything – no labels – just observation. A good place to start is right where you are. When you close your eyes at night listen to your partners breath or the neighbors dog or the settling of your house. There are an unlimited variety of sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings that you can keep your mind tuned into – this is what facilitates a quiet mind – get out and tune into Life -)
Filis
Dec 05 10, 6:09 am PDT

81
Great article! Thank you so much….I have just discovered your blog a few days ago and I can’t get enough of it! You are truly inspiring
Del

Dec 14 10, 1:11 pm PDT

82
Ah, a place to come and actually relax the mind, quite welcome indeed!
Wade

Dec 19 10, 10:53 am PDT

83
Very nice article! I too am on a journey to achieve inner and out peace. Thank you for this.
trackermike
Jul 02 11, 6:06 pm PDT

84
Its amazing sometimes how the things you think are something only you are experiancing in your mind are common to so many. for the last year or more I have been seeking ways to calm my mind. I learned that I have borderline high blood pressure and I don’t want to end up on blood pressure meds for the rest of my life like my brother and father. I decided to use meditation ( when I actually take time to do it), and this did help. but, I still find my mind constantly turning as I call it, and sometimes I can’t stop it. this is the best advice I’ve come across. I’m looking forward to using it.
Jonny
Aug 06 11, 8:40 pm PDT

85
This is my way:

Don’t believe me, Don’t believe yourself, and don’t believe anybody else!

Before you do this I recommend reading- The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, and then — The Fifth Agreement.

This is really a great method.
PeaceOfMind
Aug 16 11, 8:19 am PDT

86
Thank you for this blog. I was having a hard time and this blog just gave me a sense of ease. I will print out the rules and read it out loud to myself every night. I am destined to attack the chatters with these four rules read out loud, so they will chatter up these four rules rather than the negative chatters. I thank your kind souls.
Elle Est

Sep 20 11, 6:35 pm PDT

87
Thank you so much for this post!!! It’s truly amazing. Just before I fell upon this page I had been thinking about ways of gaining direction and a clear vision for my life and when I read this, it almost brought me to tears because it is exactly what I needed!
MAAKA
Nov 29 11, 4:39 pm PDT

88
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I believe that the truth is that i wanted answeres…….. I got them……. I wasnt ready. I woke up one morning after my life had fallen apart…. All my symptoms had gone…. I have a quiet mind………. There is no limit to what you can achive. Once you realise this you can start playing……. If you can reach a relaxt and spiritual mind anything is posoble. remember have fun
Me
Dec 14 11, 3:05 pm PDT

89
Don’t watch the news every 10 minutes like some people do. If you have to, watch it once a day. Also, pay no attention to adverts. Put the TV on mute or make a cup of tea when they come on. They just fill your mind with useless information (same goes for adio which is why I listen to mp3s or other pre-recordings). These are two steps to hut out useless information.
Shaf
Dec 26 11, 2:15 am PDT

90
I always feel at ease and at peace…it’s like a constant for me. I’m continuously overflowing with joy and bliss on a daily basis, such that i feel free of problems and emotional pain. Since this was the case for me, i went straight to the comment section, but i’m not gonna reveal my secrets yet.. Yet is so simple.. you just got to want it…

Even though the above has been said…. it seems i cannot turn off my mind, not that it bothers me, but most of the time since my brain is active, i sleep for a very little amount of time.. i can sleep for long hours but it’s only to find the sleep that i have issues. I’m always thinking of things…mostly happy things, but then what i’m thinking about does not wave away my mood, long story but part of the secret.. happiness is my bench mark my mood does not go under it…

so what would you advise?
lohl
Jan 08 12, 10:58 pm PDT

91
im guessing, inner speech : self conscience, so just let yourself know its the self conscience and there will be scilence, after a period of time it comes back, again remind yourself thats your self conscience and there will be calm and round and round and one day you will be calm and ready 4ever. thats why in lot of songs and movies and boox they say stay true 2 your self
Jessica

Mar 07 12, 4:42 pm PDT

92
Good lesson here. I definitely need this. Keep up the good work!
Cholemet
Apr 12 12, 9:17 am PDT

93
A truly wonderful article on gaining inner peace and coincidentally, some of the advice you gave like going on a sabbatical day, I actually made a conscious decision to have one yesterday and that was to be away from my laptop! So it’s amazing what sorts of ideas we can come up with to give us inner peace. The rest of your article has been really helpful in giving me some clarity to achieve inner peace. I have been practising this for a quite a while now and I must say, it does take time, and it is important to have faith in yourself when you are on this mission and a lot of patience, then over a few days you will begin to experience a new kind of transformation. Thank you for this great piece :)
sean
May 24 12, 10:54 pm PDT

94
So I know there’s those of us that, like me, tried and just couldn’t follow Tina Su all the way. I made it to the phone call example before I realized Tina and I are just very different people. Tina loves gossip; I’m feeling awkward and looking for a quick conversation ender. Tina’s very polite to the point of little white lies; I’m naturally blunt as a spoon and it causes me no end of grief.

The examples clarifying her rules clearly weren’t meant for me. A lot of her advice would lead to a more cluttered mind for me, and that’s okay. There are obviously a lot of other people that her advice really struck a cord with, and I’m glad that it’s out there.

What I wanted to say, is to everyone else reading this that maybe start out feeling like there was common ground, only to have it swept out from under our feet and were left feeling maybe even a little alienated. I’m going to add a rule 5.

Rule 5: If any of these rules isn’t working for you, don’t use it. It’s okay. I, the words on the internet you’re reading, hereby formally give you permission to ignore me from time to time if you need to. I’m wrong sometimes, and even when I’m right, right doesn’t always mean helpful.

It sounds like a paradox but it isn’t, this includes rule 5. Don’t use rule 5 as an excuse. If anything, rule 5 places an added burden on you. You were looking for simple rules like this on the internet for a reason, remember? And someone else gave you some. You can to throw these away but your problem isn’t solved, so you either “roll your own” or keep looking.

If they are working, the reason she suggested printing them on a card is discipline. You’re simply more likely to keep yourself to them if you went through the trouble of printing them and putting them in your wallet. Don’t let 5 get in the way of that.

Rule 5 is just taking what you can from articles like this online. The meditation exercise, I did it while listening to some surf guitar. I said “the music is the only thing that will fill my mind”, and you know what? It “worked”. By “worked” I mean I got all those interrupting thoughts, and I was really aware of my inner chatter. I understood exactly what Tina was talking about.

So with that in mind, thank you Tina for an extremely helpful article. I’m under a lot of stress and I couldn’t clear my mind well enough to read a single page in a book, and some of what you said helped.
John Dunlap
May 26 12, 9:23 am PDT

95
The secret is to love and be loved. Live and let Live. Use positive energy and closely analyze situations in a positive aspect. In more physical terms learn to respect yourself and the environment around you. I recommend seeing a Planet Earth movie or something because it positively stimulates your mind. Get rid of violent video games or TV shows. To establish inner peace with yourself is the key to a happy, and pleasureful life. Your mentality is the key to everything when stuff goes downhill begin looking for the positive about it. Learn to be an opportunist. There are 3 big emotions in life that we all go through. Happy, Sad, and Love. Happy and Love are typically the good emotions but can also harm you. With too much happiness brings sadness to balance out the equilibrium. This is called Le Chattevliers principle. In essence learn to BALANCE OUT YOUR LIFE AND RESPECT THE LIVES OF OTHERS AND THE ENVIROMENT AROUND YOU. LEARN TO CARESS ENERGY FROM THE FORCES AROUND YOU BECOME ONE WITH THE FLOW OF THIS PLANET. THANK YOU FOR READING LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW.
Jody
Jun 04 12, 10:53 pm PDT

96
thank you so much. from now i will use these instructions on a daily basis. this really, really helped me. thank you again.
Robin
Jun 07 12, 10:22 am PDT

97
I think it’s good advice, but is it really always possible? For example, let’s say your roommate invites you to go on a fun trip but you are supposed to work. Can you just tell your boss the truth? I was going to that but everyone and their brother was telling me to say I was sick. So I called in sick. Now I feel just a little bit guilty every time I talk to my boss. But if I had told the truth I may have been fired. So it’s really not always so easy to do these 4 things.
Anita
Jun 08 12, 1:05 am PDT

98
Hi Tina,
Amazing advice! This is something that I will start practising from now on and I’m sure that it will make a huge difference.

Thanks!!!!
guru
Jun 11 12, 10:22 am PDT

99
really good
CML
Aug 01 12, 2:28 am PDT

100
Has anyone given these four rules a try and struggled? I found the first few days okay, when I was actively practicing them, but then I strangely found myself starting to feel down and it got difficult. My friends started asking me what was wrong and why was I so quiet! I don’t know if this just shows how much crap I normally speak and this is what sombered me, or if it was something else. I would be interested to know if anyone has had a similar experience and how they got past it. Thanks
Ralph
Aug 09 12, 1:50 pm PDT

101
Tina,

I tried your suggestion (“Close your eyes for about a minute (or 5 minutes), and during this minute, send out the intention that you want silence and stillness…”)

I did that. I have some past experience with meditation, and so it worked. My mind was quiet for about 2 minutes. That was wonderful! Thank you.

My problem with meditation, though, has not been learning how; I managed to do that. My problem is actually doing it. I never seem to want to, even though I usually feel much better afterwards.

If it seems that my behavior makes no sense, I can tell you that it certainly makes no sense to me.

Do you have any thoughts or advice on that particular quandary?

Ralph
Tina Su

Aug 12 12, 3:43 pm PDT

102
Hi Ralph,

I know what you are saying. I have the same issue. :)

Let me reflect on this… and once I find a solution, I’ll let you know here.

Intuitively, I feel that the solution is some how using external “tools” to hold ourselves accountable so that we are committed to doing it.

For example, if I paid $1000 for a course, I will very likely make the time and complete it. But if I got the same course material for free, I will most likely not do it. The act of paying money in advanced somehow tricks my mind to commit and motivate it to take action. Similarly with gym memberships. If I paid a lot of money for a gym membership, I will more likely go. However, if someone gave me a membership for Free, I will value it less and not as likely actually go to the gym. This is the case, even though, I feel better after taking the action.

Another example of using accountability is finding another person to do it with you. You are more likely to go jogging if you had a jogging partner than if you went on your own. The having of a partner creates this external accountability that motivates you to go, even if you don’t feel like it.

So maybe joining a meditation class where you’ve paid money to go. Or finding a meditation partner. :)

The other “solution” I feel is to work diligently at creating a routine around meditation. Where you consciously make it your highly priority everyday. And create a set time to do them each day. After repeating it a few days, it’ll start to stick. Treat it like other essential routines: eating, brushing teeth, etc.

Let me know if any of these are helpful or other insights you have on the topic. I’d love to hear it.

Tina
Ralph
Aug 12 12, 5:03 pm PDT

103
Tina,

Money motivation never seems to help me much, but I do like your ideas about a partner and a routine. I have a trainer who helps me with some exercise two or three times a week, and it occurs to me she might be willing to do a few minutes of meditation with me while she is here.

Thank you!

Ralph
jose
Dec 02 12, 6:14 pm PDT

104
i play alot of tennis. and play guitar. i used to really be relaxed. for a long time. i am 58, and some of that is starting to change i feel as if some of that wants to come back. some of those good feelings

i have gone thru about 7 funerals withing 10 years, and it’s sorta catching up with me.
Ashley Slaughter

Mar 07 13, 10:20 am PDT

105
I love this article. It was the first one I’ve read from the website and the main one I always keep coming back to.
-Ashley
uzun Saç modelleri

Mar 21 13, 9:42 am PDT

106
Hello it’s me, I am also visiting this web page on a regular basis, this website is really pleasant and the users are genuinely sharing fastidious thoughts.
Albertha

May 19 13, 9:54 pm PDT

107
I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and interesting, and
let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that
too few people are speaking intelligently about.
I’m very happy that I found this in my hunt for something regarding this.

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Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life