The Illusion of Time

Photo by JUCO

By Kayla Albert

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers

Last Saturday morning, as I sat at the corner coffee shop with my mom cradling my daily caffeine fix, I found myself going into a long rant on all the things that were currently irking me in my life. The list was a long one, and I was convinced that each problem was valid.

But as my mom steered me in the direction of brainstorming solutions for these problems, I quickly and easily came up with reasons why they wouldn’t work.

“Maybe you should try exercising. Being active really helps to improve your mood,” she said.

I was quick on the rebuttal.

“But I just don’t have the time.”

I knew it was a lie before I even said it. I had spent the previous night watching a ridiculous amount of reality TV and organizing a stack of papers that probably should have just gone to the trash.

Time was just the easiest, most guilt-free excuse I could think of. And, if we’re being honest here, it’s the easiest most guilt-free excuse most of us can think of when we go to explain why we don’t call family members we haven’t spoken to in months, or why we don’t tackle the new hobby we’ve been thinking about trying.

It takes all the responsibility from ourselves and puts it on something that we believe we have no control over.

For me, it’s always been exercise. I’ll begin a routine, start to feel a difference in my body and mind, and then decide one day that something else is more important, that my schedule is just too full to continue with such a commitment.

Yet even as I consciously decide to release myself from any pressure I feel to get moving, I know I’m not doing myself any sort of service. I know that sitting in front of a computer screen for eight hours followed by another two in front of the TV is detrimental to my body.

I feel bad. But to me, lack of time is always an understandable excuse.

Ironically, a few days after the conversation I had with my mom, I ran across an article in the Wall Street Journal — “Are You As Busy As You Think?”

After explaining in some detail studies that were conducted to show that Americans grossly underestimate the amount of free time they have, the author made a suggestion that immediately flipped a switch for me.

“Instead of saying ‘I don’t have time’ try saying ‘it’s not a priority,’ and see how that feels. Try it: ‘I’m not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it’s not a priority.’ ‘I don’t go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.’ If these phrases don’t sit well, that’s the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.”

Stating that I didn’t exercise because I didn’t have time sounded entirely reasonable to me. But when I changed it to say, “I don’t exercise because taking care of my body is not a priority,” I suddenly felt completely out of alignment with that excuse. I knew that it didn’t sit well with me because it’s not who I am or who I want to be.

So I went for a walk, taking slow deliberate steps, acknowledging the fact that my body was responding positively to being outside and the movement was helping to clear my mind.

The next day I did a yoga video in my living room, using my TV to help me–instead of hinder me–in my attempt to be kind to my body.

That weekend I committed to twice weekly work out sessions with three of my girlfriends, knowing that giving my word to others would help me stay accountable to myself.

When I decided to take the excuse of time off the table, I began to take notice of the underlying reasons — the real reasons — why I did or didn’t do certain things in my life:

• I avoided calling my ailing grandma because I didn’t want to be witness to her deterioration, I’d rather remember her as she was when I was young.
• I gave up drawing because it brought to the surface feelings of inadequacy I struggled with when I attended art school.
• I abandoned the idea of taking photography classes because I didn’t feel like I would ever have the eye for it.
• I ate processed foods and take-out because I didn’t trust that I could ever really learn how to cook and I was embarrassed at any attempts I made to try.

Each of these things had been grouped in the same category — “the things I should do but simply don’t have time for.” Creating this broad umbrella in which to place them under was the easiest way to curtail the real issues, the real insecurities, the real hurts I was consciously or unconsciously trying to cover.

While I’m more aware of the things I’ve worked to avoid now than I’ve been in the past, I haven’t corrected every single one of them just yet. However I do notice that taking the comfortable, fall-back excuse of “time” out of the equation makes keeping certain things the same seem counter-intuitive.

When you expose the truth of why you do things, it prompts you to make decisions that fall more into alignment with who you are and the direction you wish to move in. To me, this seems incredibly empowering.

Is time an excuse you’ve used in the past to get out of doing something that’s in your best interest or in the best interest of those around you?

Here are a few questions I asked myself when I started exploring this in my own life:

1. What are all of the things I haven’t done because I “didn’t have the time?

Not everything you put on the back burner is something you should pursue, but making a list of everything you’ve avoided with this excuse can be incredibly eye opening.

How do you feel when you pair each of the things on your list with the statement, “It is not a priority?” If it doesn’t feel like something you’d want to repeat out loud, then it’s likely something you should look into further.

2. What is it that I’m really trying to avoid?

Sometimes we are trying to avoid failure, other times we’re trying to avoid hurt — either way we are simply hindering our growth by avoiding tasks or situations that could get us out of our routine and teach us something great.

3. Where is my time going?

Do a time audit. If you spend ten minutes a day checking Facebook, that is over an hour a week that could go towards taking a class or catching up with a friend.

The time is there, it’s simply a matter of spending it more deliberately.

Each day I now set my intention to give my physical body the same amount of attention I give my mind. I know that it’s possible and time is no longer an obstacle I can fall back on.

What will you pursue now that you have the time?

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Related Stories on Illusion of Time:

• Not Enough Time? How to Stop The Illusion
• The Greatest Tragedy: Time vs Money
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15 Responses (15 Comments, 0 Trackbacks ):

Comments

1. Debbi

   Mar 25 12, 5:40 pm PDT

   1

   Interesting…and true. I like the restating the “I don’t have time for”s and realizing what should actually be a priority. I usually know right now when I’m procrastinating, but at other points in time, that’s a great tool.

   I also agree that often it’s not that I don’t have time. It’s fear of failure and hurt that is dangling out there.

2. Danny

   Mar 26 12, 2:26 am PDT

   2

   Hi Kayla

   I’ve just been reading some of your recent posts. Quite good, I must say. The issue of time is always so important in our daily lives. And the “I’dont have enough time” is so often the big excuse. For years now I’ve been trying to weigh the importance v/s urgency of things to do before taking action. It’s been very useful til now. And the priority you speak of is well in line with this.

   Cheers

3. naresh

   Mar 26 12, 3:31 am PDT

   3

   Nice articale kayla albert.I love it. we always have time.we should fix our priorties.what we should do first we have to know that.do first the things we like most.do first what we really wanted to do.thaks for your nice articale.

4. Shannon | Human SEO

   Mar 26 12, 5:50 am PDT

   4

   Brilliant, Kayla! I missed the article you referenced and I would have never thought to substitute “it’s not a priority” for “don’t have time” if you didn’t post this awesome article!

   After I read your piece, I took a minute to go through some of the things in my own life that I felt I didn’t have time for. It was amazing how quickly those new statements didn’t sit well with me.

   I’ve put off too much because I “didn’t have time”. Now, it is time to make me a priority. Thank you!

5. Margie

   Mar 26 12, 6:48 am PDT

   5

   Wow! Great article, it really made me think. I needed the kick in the butt–turns out I’ve been lying to myself.

6. Lawrence

   Mar 26 12, 7:22 am PDT

   6

   Great article and perspective. I enjoyed the article greatly. Reminds me of the saying that goes something like – we talk about killing time, but time is slowly killing us. In this high connected and over stimulated world, there are simply too many choices and distraction over what we can do with our time.

7. Steve Miller

   Mar 26 12, 8:43 am PDT

   7

   I would comment on this post but I don’t have the time. Kidding of course but I do that often. I read a great blog post and have an opinion that I should post but don’t because I tell myself I don’t have the time. Next thing you know I’m checking scores on ESPN. Trivial example but meaningful in that it uncovers your point exactly. Now that I have read your wonderful article, I will mindfully watch this habit and make sure to replace my inner dialogue with what I am really saying when I say I don’t have time. May I suggest a follow up article……The Illusion of Energy. My inner dialogue is always telling myself that I don’t have the energy for this or that. The times that I overcome these thoughts and do it anyway I find that I actually had more than enough energy and the motion of doing the task itself created the energy I needed to finish. It’s a very interesting dynamic and I would be interested to hear what tips people have to overcome this more consistently.

   Thanks again……great article!

8. julie

   Mar 26 12, 9:46 am PDT

   8

   I too say, “I don’t have time.” Thanks for the re-framing phrase of “It’s not a priority.”

   I have noticed that when I keep myself accountable for how I spend my time, I feel better about myself because I spend my time in line with my priorities and my lazy self gets pushed aside. If I don’t make myself accountable, my lazy self takes over. (I use an excel spreadsheet to keep track of my time.)

   Thanks.

9. Cece

   Mar 26 12, 1:51 pm PDT

   9

   Your post reminded me of an element of reality that we discussed in our recently released book, A Guide to Your Supreme Power.

   “Time does not physically exist. It is believed that a unified theory of physics would require the elimination of the concept entirely…Once we know that uniform time does not fundamentally exist, we no longer feel pressured or confined by its apparent limits on a daily basis…”

10. Bob

    Mar 28 12, 11:13 pm PDT

    10

    Very cool strategy to replace “I don’t have the time” with “It’s not a priority.”
    Even stronger would be transforming “I don’t have the time to exercise” into “It’s not a priority to exercise and increase my wellbeing, not as much as watching another episode of Seinfeld for the 4th time in 8 years” ;-)

11. Mary

    Mar 29 12, 7:48 am PDT

    11

    As an art school grad, I can say with certainty, art school was the single worst thing I ever did for my creativity and self-confidence. It is taking me years to unlearn the damage caused by that cloistered ethos of “constant critique.” Unless you want to become a professor in a university art program, I would not recommend it to anyone.

12. Wendy

    Mar 29 12, 5:28 pm PDT

    12

    I love the “priority” idea. I’m not sure how effective it’ll be with me right now. I work two jobs and I pretty much hoard the time that I have left, afraid to commit it to anyone because I’m feeling so overwhelmed. It’s only temporary though, and once I’m finished I intend to be more mindful with the time I gain back.

13. jared

    Mar 29 12, 6:45 pm PDT

    13

    Very enlightening. And so powerful and true, “When you expose the truth of why you do things, it prompts you to make decisions that fall more into alignment with who you are and the direction you wish to move in.”

    To expose the truth takes an awareness, an emotional connectedness with self that enables me to identify the underlying emotion that is preventing me from pursing something I “think” I want.

    After experiencing a transformation as the result of reaching a desperate place in my life, I made it a priority to live. Actually, that came after a simple decision to live. After that, everything else was just gravy.

    I sought self-awareness and help through many sources; therapy, 12 step programs, seminars, books, clergy, etc. One thing I realized is that I had not made my own health and self-image a priority. Simply put, I was not grateful for my life.

    Gratitude is an action, and I take care of things I’m grateful for. Which is why exercise and taking care of myself today physically, spiritually, and mentally is a priority. So are the relationships which add value to my life.

    This article is great, thank you so much. There’s so much power in just changing that perspective from, “I don’t have the time, ” to “it’s not a priority.”

    Although that goes for others as well, in managing expectations of others and their “time” and “priorities.”

14. Dani

    Mar 30 12, 9:54 am PDT

    14

    So true… this article is amazing! :D

15. devin

    Apr 24 12, 7:30 am PDT

    15

    Great article: really well written, too.

    A few other things that I’ve been using/reading as I’ve been thinking about time a lot lately, too:

    Eat that Frog! – a book about time management and not doing stuff that isn’t super important. Fast and easy read.

    rescuetime – a cool app that shows you how much of your computer time you spend on which sites and apps. It gives you some good data to use to manage yourself, but it’s not for people who have issues with being tracked online.

    cheers!

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