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Living Enlightenment – A Personal Report

Photo by Vanessa Paxton

After 76 days of living in an ashram in a tiny village town East of Bangalore in India, I am home at last.

I still have not found a proper one-liner that concisely answers the common question, “How was it?” A cliché “Good!” seemed appropriate to satisfy the questioner, but it is not the right answer. I’ve tried several answers and nothing seems to accurately conjure what I experienced. “I’ll write about it soon” quickly became my reply… and soon, I started to avoid people all together.

In this article – which is a personal update for those interested – I will attempt to share some slices of experience from my spiritual journey for the past 3 months.

There is so much I want to say, yet there is nothing I feel like saying. I wish to convey my feelings without words, but that isn’t possible over the Internet, so I will do my best with words.

Whenever reminded of my experience, my first instinctual response is to feel an utter space of peace, and sometimes, I feel like crying, tears of Joy and pain which I experienced and overcome, tears of gratitude … grateful for my transformation, grateful for the space of unattached clarity and undisturbed bliss. During this time, I had witnessed many miracles, which are truly beyond words and logic.

Seed of Enlightenment: Inner Awakening

Roughly 3 months ago today, I left for a 21-day spiritual retreat program called Inner Awakening. The program can be more accurately described as an intense process of inner journey for self-discovery and lasting inner transformation under the guidance of a living enlightened guru.

The program attracted seekers from around the world, from countries like Brazil, France, Italy, Germany, Holland, China, Korea, Mexico, New Zealand, UK, Singapore, Malaysia, USA, Canada and (of course) India. One guy came from a small African country, he didn’t speak a word of English, but always wore a big smile.

A total of 300 people attended, with the youngest being 9 years old, and oldest participant being 71. People came from all walks of life, of various religious and social backgrounds. All sessions were conducted in English, with translations available in French and several Indian dialects.

The 21 days were tightly packed with 6 back-to-back meditation programs that explore various dimensions of truth, and gives us practical life solutions to transform specific areas of our life. Each program was designed to logically build on the foundation of the previous program and contributes towards the following program, leading towards the goal of the 21-day retreat: to quiet the inner chatter in our minds by over 50%, permanently.

Here’s one video clip on “Fulfillment” from day 2. Here’s is a list of clips from the entire 21-day program (I also recommend the video on “Memory“).

For those curious, the 6 back-to-back programs are described below according to my own interpretation:

  • ASP (2 days) – Understanding and overcoming emotions that lead to some form of suffering: fear, worry, jealousy, discontentment, depression, greed.
  • NSP (4 days) – In depth focus on the topic of fear and the subject of death. Because all fears are rooted in our fear of death, if we can face our own death consciously, and understand its various components, then fear of it naturally goes away, and thus disolves the fear of everything else. This program clears pain, guilt, and all forms of fear which we experience. This program was one of the most profound and liberating things I’ve ever done.
  • ATSP (2 days) – I don’t remember the details of these 2 days, but I remember being lost in joy and silence.
  • BSP (3 days) – Awakens the divine qualities of love, surrender to Existence, compassion and devotion. A beautiful flowering of the self happened during this program.
  • Healer’s Initiation (2 days) – meditation to heal the mind and body of physical illnesses.
  • Nithyanandam (4-5 days) – An intensive and blissful multi-days process focused on overcoming the noise created by our mind. This program was challenging at first, but soon became my favorite program and I longed for more days.

My Inner Awakening Experience

I felt as though I was transported to another space and time, lost in a sea of utter happiness and seeing the world with such intense and undisturbed clarity. Never in my life, through all the different personal and spiritual growth programs I have participated in, have I witnessed and remained in such a space of mental silence and bliss.

On most days, the feelings were so expansive and profound that I felt as if I had just won the lottery, again and again and again. Imagine winning the 10 million dollar lottery everyday, consecutively for 21 days. Imagine the sheer excitement and surprise you will feel. That’s the best way I could convey what I’ve experienced during Inner Awakening.

The experiences were so profound in its truthful origin that I wanted to stay beyond the 21-day program. Seriously, if you just won the lottery for 21 days straight, wouldn’t you want to stay a little bit longer?

Simultaneously, the ashram was hosting a 3 months program called Life Bliss Engineering (LBE), which takes the essence from Inner Awakening teachings to another level. Knowing the growth speed of the number of participants in these programs, and seeing this as a rare opportunity, I wanted to stay… I didn’t want to wait.

After talking it over with my husband Jeremy and getting his hesitant blessings, we extended my trip, paid the tuition, and booked a new flight home for September. Thus starting my journey and the many inner struggles of in-depth transformation that happened in the following two months.

Life Bliss Engineering

Thirty four other people like myself stayed for the remaining of the 90-day LBE program after attending Inner Awakening. There were roughly 160 participants in the LBE program.

Many people had stories of personal sacrifice in order to attend the program: some had left their jobs, some had no homes to return to, some had relationship jeopardizes, and many had to put their family life on hold to be there.

Each time I was reminded of what some participants had to put everything on the line to be here, I would whisper a prayer of gratitude for the warm support and freedom I was fortunate to have.

The 90-day program took us deeper into the practical understandings of the original lineage of Yoga from Patanjali – the father of Yoga. To integrate what we learned in Inner Awakening into our being through many, many opportunities of personal and emotional challenges. The purpose of this 90-day process is to develop a yogic body and a strong Vedic mind – a mind free of conflicts and inner chatter. To top it off, we also did several travel study programs to important spiritual sites within South India.

The Remaining 2 Months – My LBE Experience

living-enlightenment2-2.jpg
Photo by Katsuaki Shoda

I would love to say that LBE was fantastic… and it was. But it wasn’t what people expected. The obvious experience people expect is bliss, like you are floating in bliss for 90 days and then you leave. This was not actually the case.

In reality, it was a serious, intense and extremely challenging period in my life. In addition to learning many new intellectual knowledge about spirituality, my emotional and mental limits were tested, stretched and I got to practice many of the techniques I learned in Inner Awakening.

I have never experienced so many conflicts in such a short period of time. The 2.5 months felt as if I had live 3-5 years in the outside world. Miraculously, everyday, I would be faced with several new or reoccurring conflicts. The reoccurring conflict only subsides, once I am able to handle it with peace and ease.

On many mornings, I would want to leave, the pain I was working on seemed unbearable, but typically by the afternoon, I would sit under the 600-year old Banyon tree (which is the size of a city block) and wished that I could stay there holding it forever. The ups and downs I experienced were a typical story with every participant, and despite the painful moments of us facing our own issues, we would all agree that it was worth it in the end.

Sometimes, I would get so frustrated with myself that I would cry, but always, I could feel that there is a compassionate energy within the core of my soul that provided me with the cushion of safety, hope, inspiration and encouragement to keep trying. And one by one, challenge after challenge, I would cross it, and a space of silence, of possibilities, of life would gradually replace these various experiences of pain.

During this time, I witnessed many miracles, “unusual” things, most of which are too personal or mystical to share publicly. For one, why there isn’t a single drop of bird or animal poop under or on the Banyon tree, despite many birds and animals (like that family of monkeys) living on the tree.

Other Highlights

With the quieting of my mind, the first noticeable change was my sleep naturally and gradually reducing to a quick 4 hours a night. I wake up feeling more refreshed than ever, ready for our 2 hours of daily morning yoga, before a ridiculously delicious breakfast with an unfathomable selection of food choices.

Speaking of food, the ashram and its working volunteers really went out of their ways to accommodate for our “Western” needs. They actually hired a chief from a 5-star hotel, and in addition to the vast array of Indian foods, we were provided with continental options like salads, pastas and plenty of tropical fruits.

At one point they even brought in an authentic Italian cappuccino machine for us. Here we were – in the middle of nowhere – surrounded by farms and tiny traditional villages, hours away from anything modern or noisy, and we had our choices of cappuccino, latte or mocha. It was a weird sight and overtly exciting at the same time. It’s too bad the life of this poor little machine didn’t last very long, after overworking continuously for the 150 coffee craving westerners who came back for seconds and thirds.

“What Did I learn?”

I’ve learned many life lessons and truths through personal experience during this time, here are a few of the ones on the tip of my tongue in this moment. Though many of the lessons below are seemingly obvious and are ones we may already know, they remain the kinds of things to be truly learned, and integrated into daily practice only through experience.

  • Attracting Miracles – Gifts are constantly showered upon us, everyday, but we choose not to see them. All we have to do is walk outside, and we will find someone less fortunate than us. Everything that happened to us on our path to this moment was a blessing, truly. Count those blessings, everyday, be grateful for all that we have… from the sunlight, to our food, for our shelter, to our relationships, to our body. As we do so, we will witness more gifts and miracles occurring in our life, moment to moment, every moment.
  • Overcoming Suffering – Suffering is a choice, even though during moments of intense suffering and emotional pain, the suffering seems unavoidable and that we are choice-less and hopeless. During moments of suffering, bring intense awareness into it, and tell it, repeatedly, “I will not mother these thoughts anymore! I will not create unnecessary suffering on myself! I will overcome this.”
  • “The Running Mind” – On any given day, there is always something that presents itself as a problem that will bother us. When thinking about it, it seems like the most urgent and important thing, and indeed, it boggles our mind throughout the day. But the moment we replace that thought with another, the problem no longer seems so real. And when you overcome it, or stop seeing it as a problem, another problem will sure surface. That is the workings of our mind. It’s not real. Be aware of it.
  • “It’s Okay to be Flawed” – It’s easy to judge people and point out their flaws. But when we judge, that quality which we are judging is a reflection of a flaw within ourselves. Truth is, we are all flawed, and pointing them out is the easy way out. Find the compassion and understanding to accept other people for who they are, allow them to be, for you too are flawed and surely, you would like others to allow you to be as you are. Overflow love towards that person, and see how you can shift your state of mind about that person. Look for the good.
  • Bad Days – No matter how bad a day can get, it has the potential to instantly change and turn around to be a breath-taking phenomenal day. It’s happened before, so why not now? Never view a “bad” mood as a permanent thing, it is what you’re feeling now, who knows what will happen in the next 5 minutes, or one hour. Accepting the present for what it is, and welcoming the next moment with freshness can only bring wonder and joy to you.
  • Choosing a Response – When another person is giving us attitude or saying things we don’t like, with awareness, we can choose our responses, including silence. Other people’s reaction to things has to do with them, and their state of mind. What others think, feel and chooses to respond is beyond our control. So surrender. It’s not worth spending energy on it. Let it go! It’s not about who is being the “bigger person”, it’s about recognizing an action that is fruitless and saving the energy to do something else conducive to your wellbeing.
  • Blessings from a Rude Encounter – When another person is rude to us, perhaps the best lesson we can learn is how it feels on the receiving end when we are rude to others in moments of unconscious behavior. It’s a blessing. Secretly thank that person and whisper a silent prayer for them. It’s not worth getting all worked up and defensive. Find the lesson and move on.
  • Nature of Discontentment and Complaints – The moment we complain, we are taking this moment for granted and we are missing out on life. When we complain, we are not appreciating or trusting the wisdom of cosmic intelligence, we become disconnected with the whole, with source, with our inner selves, with nature, with bliss. And we suffer.
  • Expectations in Life – Expectations of exactly how things should be, how things should play out only leads to inner conflict and resulting emotional suffering. I keep re-learning this lesson, even till today. Because we cannot predict the future, and things never go as we expect in its entirety. Once we have our hearts and heads locked on a definite course of events, even a slight shift in change can shatter our hopes. Even the most secure relationships can have its unexpected turbulences. Even the most trusted friendships can take its turns from the promised future. Let whatever happens happen. Trust with great conviction that, “Whatever happens is the best thing happening to me. So let it be.”

“Can You Float On a Cloud?”

living-enlightenment2-3.jpg
Photo by Lauren

When Jeremy returned to work the next day after I arrived home, his co-workers asked with a mysterious curiosity, “So, what was she like?”

His reply was, “Well, there was this cloud, and she was floating on it.” And for a few seconds, they believed him with wide-eyes before he burst into laughter.

No, I can’t levitate yet, nor do I intend on seeking such things. However, additionally to the countless life lessons I received, the priceless experiences, the significantly reduced mental chatter, and an in-depth practical knowledge of yoga, I noticed some of the following:

  • Reduced sleep. No more than 5 hours a night is needed (usually between 4-5 hours will suffice). I wake up naturally at around 5am everyday without an alarm clock.
  • Understanding what someone needs before they speak to ask for it, even in a different language.
  • Fast, solid and clear decision making with no regrets.
  • Sharp focus on whatever I am doing. As a result, things get done very quickly.
  • Ability to shift my emotional state into a relaxed one almost instantly (within a few seconds).
  • Heightened awareness of myself, and my inner state. I could feel the birth of a new thought being formed (before it becomes a thought) and clearly seeing it rising out of me.
  • Lack of fear, worry or stress. I am pretty much relaxed most of the time, and when I am not for a brief moment, I could shift out of it almost instantly.
  • Increase in memory. I remember and recall things without my explicitly trying to memorize them.

Parting Words: Embracing Enlightenment

Being in this spiritual incubator for nearly 3 months was the most exhilarating, profound, insightful, yet challenging (and at times uncomfortable) situation I’ve ever experienced.

I had come to the program with a deep desire to raise my own level of consciousness, to experience living enlightenment first hand, to transform myself such that I could integrate it into my life and to radiate it through my actions. With that as the measuring scale, the program was a success for me, and I am happy.

But sometimes, doing the right thing for ourselves come with sacrifices, even if we do not realize them at the time. In this case, the toughest bag was shouldered by Jeremy – who became my husband only 4 months prior to India. It was an unexpected, and unfair trade for him. For that, “I am grateful for you for putting my happiness above yours and hope that you could forgive me for being gone for so long.”

The challenges doesn’t end with the conclusion of the program, but merely just began as I stepped into the outside world. As I continue to work on myself, new and unexpected challenges are already being formed in front of me, once again my mental and emotional limits are being tested by the turbulence of life. But this time, I am no longer afraid. I surrender to life with open arms and an open heart.

For all the readers out there who have been waiting for articles in the last few weeks, I thank you for your understanding in my sporadic disappearance, and for continuously supporting me with your encouragement and readership.

* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
See you there!

Further Note:

For those curious to learn more about the living enlightened guru we affectionately call “Swamiji”, find out more on the foundation’s main website here. Or watch clips from his live talks on YouTube here (the playlists are very good).

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About the author

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

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96 thoughts on Living Enlightenment – A Personal Report

  1. Tina, thank you so much for telling your story. I’ve often been curious about this type of retreat and it’s an amazing experience you share. I drank up every word.

  2. Tina,
    Wow. I became a reader of your blog right before you left for the ashram. It is a delight to see your return. I am bookmarking your post as my meditation this week. Thank you.
    I have two small children so as I was reading it thinking, “Yes! I’d love to take that time!” I know it is so vital and so look forward to doing it someday. And in the meantime, I realize how valuable it is not to wait for that time to allow ourselves to go inward and explore peacefulness.
    I have been challenging myself in this time to seek peace in each moment whether washing dishes, working with a client, or being with my partner. Thank you for your meaningful thoughts. They will be with me all week.
    Welcome back-yahoooo!!! :)

  3. Melanie

    Thank you so much for this inspirational article!!! I would love to do this program……..Is it possible to get more info? And, glad your back :)

  4. Veena

    Thank you for you thoughtful write up of your Indian experience. A dear friend of mine is in the very ashram you described at this moment.

    I “stumbled upon” your site, and it is no coincidence. I too am traveling to Southern India in February for a Pilgrimage. My teacher says that I have been called, and magically the way was cleared for me.

    I have never been out of North America, and I am curious about some of the practical considerations of traveling to India. Details like immunizations, coping with long flights, and being safe as I travel.

    Once I arrive at my ashram everything is taken care of. My concern is the transition from one place to another, one culture to another.

    The teachings I have received so far are along the same lines as yours, based on the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. It must be interesting integrating what you absorbed in India, with your day to day life in Seattle.

    Please write some more about your experiences. What does somebody new to India need to know?

    Namaste

  5. Sherwin Maxawow

    HELLO—– I am new—– and I come from a different background, which is HIGHLY SUPER religiously programmed family, and yet have been the middle child of a large bunch of older and younger siblings who have always seemed different to me in a lot of ways….

    (please note: that I am actually and sincerely leading up to a major point I NEED to make for the sake of crying out to anyone who might care to help me in this time of serious family crisis)

    I have been like the “black sheep” of a fairly successful family! I am proud of my older brother who is in the air force and is an actual F-15 pilot—- and may very well be called to an even more powerful, much newer jet called the F-22. I would love for him to have that WOW kind of opportunity to fly something that I could only dream about the experience of myself! YET I AM NOT FOR WAR or even the cool or fancy new technology behind it all. And this same (4 years older than me) brother named Dave is not the same “Davy” I once fought forest fires with back in 1992 for the U.S.Forest Service which we based our summer out of North Bend Washington state…living for the time behind the “Ranger Station” itself. He has somehow become like an un-emotional kind of stranger to me, but he is also a good father to his own small but growing family!

    Indeed, I do love my family even in spite of how they have all seemingly so very often ‘spit on me’ (metaphorically speaking)— looking down on me as being A TOTAL LOSER! This has hurt me, and it was after working in North Bend many summers ago…..that I came down with a stress related illness called Crohn’s disease which I nearly died from, and then had an encounter with a certain SOMEBODY——-(deep breath)—– who was in fact, and in all HONESTY so incredible.. and so totally amazing— (enough to BLOW MY ENTIRE MIND AND HEART WIDE OPEN TO A LOVE THAT I ONLY WISH I COULD PUT INTO WORDS!) and SO SURPRISING TOO…….. and every atom of my entire being seemed to just KNOW who THIS amazing BEING WAS!

    And this was years ago….when I experienced the above mind blowing WOW of a very close encounter WITH—– (I will hold back for now, on saying exactly who—– yet only because I feel protective over it and you people…..and this new site (as nice as it really looks to me so far) are still people I do not yet personally know at all! And I at least feel I need “A RESPONCE” from someone else before I go into more details.

    But as long ago as this experience was, it changed my entire life forever,,,,and it was not exactly an easy change for me to simply ADJUST TO inside right away. But its taken me several years, hard and hurtful years…..within a family I love…..to come into it or (I should say “grow” into it over the years since!

    It was HOLY…..but did not keep me from my addictive self, which is deep rooted in both family lines, and I became an OPIATE ADDICT…..long before I met THIS CERTAIN…..somebody. And YES……it was not like a HAZY LIGHT of LOVE that was formless or like something that we might imagine GOD would be like, as being A SOURCE….. And of course GOD IS THE SOURCE, and we are all products of that FIRST ULTIMATE ETERNAL WELLSPRING……BUT that is not (in my humble own honest opinion) how we should SEE GOD at all. Would you see your own dear best friend or mother or grandparent or someone like that who is special as A SOMETHING or do you prefer to see them as a TRUE SOMEBODY or Some ONE????

    I am about to fly to africa to do IBOGAINE which I have been hoping to do for years now, because my family issues and my own physical handi-caps —due to all the past surgeries I had before I met this INCREDIBLE And UNIQUE BEING of which I cannot even remember—-only I remember the story— and how many times I have shared it with friends over the years! BUT DO I REMEMBER HOW IT WAS? I ONLY REMEMBER HOW I DID NOT EVEN NEED TO BREATHE at the time I as experiencing the LOVE which was so personal, and met all the needs of my entire BEING, so much that I could not even feel like I could barely contain such an overwhelming — I MEAN OVERWHELMING LEVEL of LOVE that was not like ANY KIND OF LOVE I had ever imagined possible, yet was experiencing suddenly and unexpectedly out of the blue, just after feeling so very hopeless and wishing I had died— which they were expecting me to only have a 20% chance of NOT dying during the emergency surgery of this which happened in FEB. of 1996l

    AND THEN Suddenly, I just finally gave up trying to find an escape from my own self absorbed…..inner misery and restlessness while not even being able to eat or drink anything by mouth, and hooked up to all kinds of tubes, and heart monitors……..and then my mind just suddenly gave up or something, and that is when I remembered in a just kinda……OH YEAH kind of way—– like oh—(causually inside) “I FORGOT about that—–and then SWOOOSH— up…up and UP AND UP…and OH MY GOD—- it was like I was suddenly being launched by a rocket into a realm so unexpected, and OH….SO POWERFULLY OVERWHELMING……and LOVE, magnifying and MAGNYFING AND GROWING, SWELLING UP…all so fast within my entire SOUL……..it took my whole breath away! AND IT DID NOT CEASE or show any sign at all that it was going away, but I continued being on this SUPER FAST…..ROCKET LAUCH to an ecstasy like I cannot even begin to put into words!

    I was SOBBING uncontrollably, and literally shaking and all sorts of flooding emotional DAMN BREAKING…….FLOODING over me in tears of which I could not even control at all……….yet these were not just tears….but the richest and sweetest and most real, kind of tears of JOY— mixed with catching my breath and trying so hard to just get a grip on THIS—- unexpected—- HOLY GOD…..I cannot even explain it!

    And finally at some point I just ended up, like being real still…….and not even breathing because I was just so much inside “TRYING” simply my best to experience what this was???!!!

    And in all my uncontrolled sobbing of of tears…mixed with all kinds of sweet and living emotions………a
    down on me, and criticized me for being “a failure” —– all my life…and yes..all of which has hurt me so much inside. (plz do not think I seek pity or any of the usual hatred of insulting, hate………..that seeems to be so often how people even sometimes good friends have inflicted onto me since I as very young. But I must also mention my life has been blessed with the sweetest of blessings, yet all (or most of which) were very much my own….and personal, and yet REAL. As much as I AM REAL…………and I know I am.

    I care so much about my MOM….who I now came to realize in the past 7 years or so………that her emotional needs within her marriage have never been truly met,,,and yet I cannot blame it all on my dad either.

  6. Venky

    Hi Tina,

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. I was considering going to the Inner Awakening program too up until recently. However a friend pointed these two blogs recently and I am deeply conflicted and I feel like there is something weird about Nithyananda.

    http://nithyananda-cult.blogspot.com
    http://nithyatales.webs.com

    I am praying to divine to guide me in the right path. For now though, I am going to stay away from Nithyananda, although I realize your experience was so wonderful.

  7. The Spirit of The Living God

    True bliss and happiness without the true vine? I don’t believe you.

  8. Lakshmi

    Tina this is the most recent news about the so called Swami Nithyananda.. He is not a real swamiji… He was found to be close with an actress and all those photos have been exposed by the Indian media… All his ashrams are being smashed by the public.. I request not to promote such people on your website as many people would be mislead… Thanks…

  9. seeker

    I have been reading your blog and was quite impressed by this enlightenment report.

    Saw this in the news and decided to report back to you.
    Your enlightened guru in a sex scandal.
    http://entertainment.oneindia.in/tamil/exclusive/2010/ragasudha-ranjitha-nithyananda-sex-030310.html

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTaKRNKLg_E&feature=player_embedded

    This is where we have to accept that nobody is perfect in this world and i guess not throw out the baby with the bathwater.

  10. raman

    Search about your beloved swamiji on google news to see what he has been up to. I wonder when will people stop falling for these fraudulent gurus.
    http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Swamis-devotees-roughed-up-in-Karnataka-TN-after-TV-sting/articleshow/5639175.cms

  11. raman

    Why did you delete my comment. Truth hurts, doesnt it? Just go google Swami Nithyananda’s name and see what comes up. At least have the courtesy to remove this post till the charges against him are investigated….. or else you may misguide a lot of people.

    **************

    REPLY

    No comments gets deleted. I’m on maternity leave with my newborn and in the middle of moving, sorry for the delay. I will respond about this soon.

  12. Former Nithyananda devotee

    Hi Tina,

    Please have the courage to ask some basic questions about Nithyananda. Yes he fooled many including me. Please see this simple video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNXJ5HtOHEQ

    Please have the courage to see it, there is nothing bad in it. Just asks some basic questions about Nithyananda’s life, that the Foundation has been dancing around for months now and hiding. His entire biography is a lie.

    Your blog reaches a lot of people. Just see how Nithyananda is acting right now. The way he is handling this situation shows the farce that he is. No courage at all to come out in public and face the situation with courage. So his words were just empty words that enlightened master can face any situation just gracefully. You can see how horrible his handling of this is.

  13. This is so beautiful.

    I am reading your words (warm western coffee in hand!) and feeling this profound… gratitude. Reading your post came at just the right time.

    I realize there is some uproar around the guru and some lewd behavior.

    However, it is the experience you had on your personal journey that is what struck me so.

    Thank you for sharing.

  14. Anthony

    A little bit more “self “,a little bit more suffering.
    A little bit less “self ” ,a little bit less suffering.
    Cessation of “self “,cessation of suffering.
    O Buddha what does it mean to ” self “,making people suffer endlessly!
    O Buddha what does it mean to ” self “,making people reincarnate again and again and again !!

    Universal truth is there is no ” self ” and nothing belongs to a ” self “.There is only the false understanding of the ignorant mind.There are merely body and mind,which are nothing but natural processes.Most of us feels that there is a self and there are things belong to self.But with wisdom of primal truth-discerning awareness ( satipanna),the fundamental true knowing and clear seeing that there is no self and nothing belongs to a self.
    If we can live our lives in third person and look into ourselves ,we will see things are happening and changing on your body ( which is not you )from moment to moment endlessly.We will see nothing really belong to us and nothing whatsoever should be clung to even the Dhamma.If we still longing for the feeling of peacefulness during meditation,we still cannot get rid of suffering as we may still afraid of losing our beloved peacefulness.Let it comes and goes naturally.Just watch things happening on your body.Just watch !!

  15. KellyKuhn

    I want to go to Inner Awakening so Bad!!!! I am 17, and I am going to enroll in community college, but I wish very much that I could go to India first, attend Inner Awakening , and maybe even Kalish, and find my true purpose and how I am here to serve the planet. I feel it would help me so much with my life and with college, and that this program would help me live life happily! I am still waiting for the money to manifest, I am going to get a job, but I very firmly feel that my life is going to be kinda sucky until I experience Inner Awakening. Thank you for sharing your experience!

  16. Tina, I have been reading your blog for some time now. It’s wonderful I love your writing. I relate to many of the joys and experiences you have had especially around family and spirituality. Your perspectives are comforting.

    Thank you so much for sharing your spiritual experience. As I was reading it I actually felt your energy through your words resonating through me. I needed to see this today. Thank you again.

  17. Greg

    Tina,

    What a joy it was to read and just feel life itself in this post.
    It’s one of the best posts I have ever read ~ anywhere.

    Thank you for sharing your light and for paving the path for others.

    With Much Gratitude,

    Greg

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