Living Enlightenment – A Personal Report

After 76 days of living in an ashram in a tiny village town East of Bangalore in India, I am home at last.

I still have not found a proper one-liner that concisely answers the common question, “How was it?” A cliché “Good!” seemed appropriate to satisfy the questioner, but it is not the right answer. I’ve tried several answers and nothing seems to accurately conjure what I experienced. “I’ll write about it soon” quickly became my reply… and soon, I started to avoid people all together.

In this article – which is a personal update for those interested – I will attempt to share some slices of experience from my spiritual journey for the past 3 months.

There is so much I want to say, yet there is nothing I feel like saying. I wish to convey my feelings without words, but that isn’t possible over the Internet, so I will do my best with words.

Whenever reminded of my experience, my first instinctual response is to feel an utter space of peace, and sometimes, I feel like crying, tears of Joy and pain which I experienced and overcome, tears of gratitude … grateful for my transformation, grateful for the space of unattached clarity and undisturbed bliss. During this time, I had witnessed many miracles, which are truly beyond words and logic.

Seed of Enlightenment: Inner Awakening

Roughly 3 months ago today, I left for a 21-day spiritual retreat program called Inner Awakening. The program can be more accurately described as an intense process of inner journey for self-discovery and lasting inner transformation under the guidance of a living enlightened guru.

The program attracted seekers from around the world, from countries like Brazil, France, Italy, Germany, Holland, China, Korea, Mexico, New Zealand, UK, Singapore, Malaysia, USA, Canada and (of course) India. One guy came from a small African country, he didn’t speak a word of English, but always wore a big smile.

A total of 300 people attended, with the youngest being 9 years old, and oldest participant being 71. People came from all walks of life, of various religious and social backgrounds. All sessions were conducted in English, with translations available in French and several Indian dialects.

The 21 days were tightly packed with 6 back-to-back meditation programs that explore various dimensions of truth, and gives us practical life solutions to transform specific areas of our life. Each program was designed to logically build on the foundation of the previous program and contributes towards the following program, leading towards the goal of the 21-day retreat: to quiet the inner chatter in our minds by over 50%, permanently.

Here’s one video clip on “Fulfillment” from day 2. Here’s is a list of clips from the entire 21-day program (I also recommend the video on “Memory“).

For those curious, the 6 back-to-back programs are described below according to my own interpretation:

ASP (2 days) – Understanding and overcoming emotions that lead to some form of suffering: fear, worry, jealousy, discontentment, depression, greed.
NSP (4 days) – In depth focus on the topic of fear and the subject of death. Because all fears are rooted in our fear of death, if we can face our own death consciously, and understand its various components, then fear of it naturally goes away, and thus disolves the fear of everything else. This program clears pain, guilt, and all forms of fear which we experience. This program was one of the most profound and liberating things I’ve ever done.
ATSP (2 days) – I don’t remember the details of these 2 days, but I remember being lost in joy and silence.
BSP (3 days) – Awakens the divine qualities of love, surrender to Existence, compassion and devotion. A beautiful flowering of the self happened during this program.
Healer’s Initiation (2 days) – meditation to heal the mind and body of physical illnesses.
Nithyanandam (4-5 days) – An intensive and blissful multi-days process focused on overcoming the noise created by our mind. This program was challenging at first, but soon became my favorite program and I longed for more days.

My Inner Awakening Experience

I felt as though I was transported to another space and time, lost in a sea of utter happiness and seeing the world with such intense and undisturbed clarity. Never in my life, through all the different personal and spiritual growth programs I have participated in, have I witnessed and remained in such a space of mental silence and bliss.

On most days, the feelings were so expansive and profound that I felt as if I had just won the lottery, again and again and again. Imagine winning the 10 million dollar lottery everyday, consecutively for 21 days. Imagine the sheer excitement and surprise you will feel. That’s the best way I could convey what I’ve experienced during Inner Awakening.

The experiences were so profound in its truthful origin that I wanted to stay beyond the 21-day program. Seriously, if you just won the lottery for 21 days straight, wouldn’t you want to stay a little bit longer?

Simultaneously, the ashram was hosting a 3 months program called Life Bliss Engineering (LBE), which takes the essence from Inner Awakening teachings to another level. Knowing the growth speed of the number of participants in these programs, and seeing this as a rare opportunity, I wanted to stay… I didn’t want to wait.

After talking it over with my husband Jeremy and getting his hesitant blessings, we extended my trip, paid the tuition, and booked a new flight home for September. Thus starting my journey and the many inner struggles of in-depth transformation that happened in the following two months.

Life Bliss Engineering

Thirty four other people like myself stayed for the remaining of the 90-day LBE program after attending Inner Awakening. There were roughly 160 participants in the LBE program.

Many people had stories of personal sacrifice in order to attend the program: some had left their jobs, some had no homes to return to, some had relationship jeopardizes, and many had to put their family life on hold to be there.

Each time I was reminded of what some participants had to put everything on the line to be here, I would whisper a prayer of gratitude for the warm support and freedom I was fortunate to have.

The 90-day program took us deeper into the practical understandings of the original lineage of Yoga from Patanjali – the father of Yoga. To integrate what we learned in Inner Awakening into our being through many, many opportunities of personal and emotional challenges. The purpose of this 90-day process is to develop a yogic body and a strong Vedic mind – a mind free of conflicts and inner chatter. To top it off, we also did several travel study programs to important spiritual sites within South India.

The Remaining 2 Months – My LBE Experience

Photo by Katsuaki Shoda

I would love to say that LBE was fantastic… and it was. But it wasn’t what people expected. The obvious experience people expect is bliss, like you are floating in bliss for 90 days and then you leave. This was not actually the case.

In reality, it was a serious, intense and extremely challenging period in my life. In addition to learning many new intellectual knowledge about spirituality, my emotional and mental limits were tested, stretched and I got to practice many of the techniques I learned in Inner Awakening.

I have never experienced so many conflicts in such a short period of time. The 2.5 months felt as if I had live 3-5 years in the outside world. Miraculously, everyday, I would be faced with several new or reoccurring conflicts. The reoccurring conflict only subsides, once I am able to handle it with peace and ease.

On many mornings, I would want to leave, the pain I was working on seemed unbearable, but typically by the afternoon, I would sit under the 600-year old Banyon tree (which is the size of a city block) and wished that I could stay there holding it forever. The ups and downs I experienced were a typical story with every participant, and despite the painful moments of us facing our own issues, we would all agree that it was worth it in the end.

Sometimes, I would get so frustrated with myself that I would cry, but always, I could feel that there is a compassionate energy within the core of my soul that provided me with the cushion of safety, hope, inspiration and encouragement to keep trying. And one by one, challenge after challenge, I would cross it, and a space of silence, of possibilities, of life would gradually replace these various experiences of pain.

During this time, I witnessed many miracles, “unusual” things, most of which are too personal or mystical to share publicly. For one, why there isn’t a single drop of bird or animal poop under or on the Banyon tree, despite many birds and animals (like that family of monkeys) living on the tree.

Other Highlights

With the quieting of my mind, the first noticeable change was my sleep naturally and gradually reducing to a quick 4 hours a night. I wake up feeling more refreshed than ever, ready for our 2 hours of daily morning yoga, before a ridiculously delicious breakfast with an unfathomable selection of food choices.

Speaking of food, the ashram and its working volunteers really went out of their ways to accommodate for our “Western” needs. They actually hired a chief from a 5-star hotel, and in addition to the vast array of Indian foods, we were provided with continental options like salads, pastas and plenty of tropical fruits.

At one point they even brought in an authentic Italian cappuccino machine for us. Here we were – in the middle of nowhere – surrounded by farms and tiny traditional villages, hours away from anything modern or noisy, and we had our choices of cappuccino, latte or mocha. It was a weird sight and overtly exciting at the same time. It’s too bad the life of this poor little machine didn’t last very long, after overworking continuously for the 150 coffee craving westerners who came back for seconds and thirds.

“What Did I learn?”

I’ve learned many life lessons and truths through personal experience during this time, here are a few of the ones on the tip of my tongue in this moment. Though many of the lessons below are seemingly obvious and are ones we may already know, they remain the kinds of things to be truly learned, and integrated into daily practice only through experience.

Attracting Miracles – Gifts are constantly showered upon us, everyday, but we choose not to see them. All we have to do is walk outside, and we will find someone less fortunate than us. Everything that happened to us on our path to this moment was a blessing, truly. Count those blessings, everyday, be grateful for all that we have… from the sunlight, to our food, for our shelter, to our relationships, to our body. As we do so, we will witness more gifts and miracles occurring in our life, moment to moment, every moment.
Overcoming Suffering – Suffering is a choice, even though during moments of intense suffering and emotional pain, the suffering seems unavoidable and that we are choice-less and hopeless. During moments of suffering, bring intense awareness into it, and tell it, repeatedly, “I will not mother these thoughts anymore! I will not create unnecessary suffering on myself! I will overcome this.”
“The Running Mind” – On any given day, there is always something that presents itself as a problem that will bother us. When thinking about it, it seems like the most urgent and important thing, and indeed, it boggles our mind throughout the day. But the moment we replace that thought with another, the problem no longer seems so real. And when you overcome it, or stop seeing it as a problem, another problem will sure surface. That is the workings of our mind. It’s not real. Be aware of it.
“It’s Okay to be Flawed” – It’s easy to judge people and point out their flaws. But when we judge, that quality which we are judging is a reflection of a flaw within ourselves. Truth is, we are all flawed, and pointing them out is the easy way out. Find the compassion and understanding to accept other people for who they are, allow them to be, for you too are flawed and surely, you would like others to allow you to be as you are. Overflow love towards that person, and see how you can shift your state of mind about that person. Look for the good.
Bad Days – No matter how bad a day can get, it has the potential to instantly change and turn around to be a breath-taking phenomenal day. It’s happened before, so why not now? Never view a “bad” mood as a permanent thing, it is what you’re feeling now, who knows what will happen in the next 5 minutes, or one hour. Accepting the present for what it is, and welcoming the next moment with freshness can only bring wonder and joy to you.
Choosing a Response – When another person is giving us attitude or saying things we don’t like, with awareness, we can choose our responses, including silence. Other people’s reaction to things has to do with them, and their state of mind. What others think, feel and chooses to respond is beyond our control. So surrender. It’s not worth spending energy on it. Let it go! It’s not about who is being the “bigger person”, it’s about recognizing an action that is fruitless and saving the energy to do something else conducive to your wellbeing.
Blessings from a Rude Encounter – When another person is rude to us, perhaps the best lesson we can learn is how it feels on the receiving end when we are rude to others in moments of unconscious behavior. It’s a blessing. Secretly thank that person and whisper a silent prayer for them. It’s not worth getting all worked up and defensive. Find the lesson and move on.
Nature of Discontentment and Complaints – The moment we complain, we are taking this moment for granted and we are missing out on life. When we complain, we are not appreciating or trusting the wisdom of cosmic intelligence, we become disconnected with the whole, with source, with our inner selves, with nature, with bliss. And we suffer.
Expectations in Life – Expectations of exactly how things should be, how things should play out only leads to inner conflict and resulting emotional suffering. I keep re-learning this lesson, even till today. Because we cannot predict the future, and things never go as we expect in its entirety. Once we have our hearts and heads locked on a definite course of events, even a slight shift in change can shatter our hopes. Even the most secure relationships can have its unexpected turbulences. Even the most trusted friendships can take its turns from the promised future. Let whatever happens happen. Trust with great conviction that, “Whatever happens is the best thing happening to me. So let it be.”

“Can You Float On a Cloud?”

Photo by Lauren

When Jeremy returned to work the next day after I arrived home, his co-workers asked with a mysterious curiosity, “So, what was she like?”

His reply was, “Well, there was this cloud, and she was floating on it.” And for a few seconds, they believed him with wide-eyes before he burst into laughter.

No, I can’t levitate yet, nor do I intend on seeking such things. However, additionally to the countless life lessons I received, the priceless experiences, the significantly reduced mental chatter, and an in-depth practical knowledge of yoga, I noticed some of the following:

Reduced sleep. No more than 5 hours a night is needed (usually between 4-5 hours will suffice). I wake up naturally at around 5am everyday without an alarm clock.
Understanding what someone needs before they speak to ask for it, even in a different language.
Fast, solid and clear decision making with no regrets.
Sharp focus on whatever I am doing. As a result, things get done very quickly.
Ability to shift my emotional state into a relaxed one almost instantly (within a few seconds).
Heightened awareness of myself, and my inner state. I could feel the birth of a new thought being formed (before it becomes a thought) and clearly seeing it rising out of me.
Lack of fear, worry or stress. I am pretty much relaxed most of the time, and when I am not for a brief moment, I could shift out of it almost instantly.
Increase in memory. I remember and recall things without my explicitly trying to memorize them.

Parting Words: Embracing Enlightenment

Being in this spiritual incubator for nearly 3 months was the most exhilarating, profound, insightful, yet challenging (and at times uncomfortable) situation I’ve ever experienced.

I had come to the program with a deep desire to raise my own level of consciousness, to experience living enlightenment first hand, to transform myself such that I could integrate it into my life and to radiate it through my actions. With that as the measuring scale, the program was a success for me, and I am happy.

But sometimes, doing the right thing for ourselves come with sacrifices, even if we do not realize them at the time. In this case, the toughest bag was shouldered by Jeremy – who became my husband only 4 months prior to India. It was an unexpected, and unfair trade for him. For that, “I am grateful for you for putting my happiness above yours and hope that you could forgive me for being gone for so long.”

The challenges doesn’t end with the conclusion of the program, but merely just began as I stepped into the outside world. As I continue to work on myself, new and unexpected challenges are already being formed in front of me, once again my mental and emotional limits are being tested by the turbulence of life. But this time, I am no longer afraid. I surrender to life with open arms and an open heart.

For all the readers out there who have been waiting for articles in the last few weeks, I thank you for your understanding in my sporadic disappearance, and for continuously supporting me with your encouragement and readership.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
See you there!

Further Note:

For those curious to learn more about the living enlightened guru we affectionately call “Swamiji”, find out more on the foundation’s main website here. Or watch clips from his live talks on YouTube here (the playlists are very good).

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

External Resources:

Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version here)
Videos: Swamiji on YouTube

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96 Responses (92 Comments, 4 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Evita

Sep 10 09, 12:01 pm PDT

1
Hi Tina

Oh my goodness this sounds, well… amazing to say the least!
I am in awe of your experience and would love to this as well with my husband, so thanks for the links as I would like to look into it further.

I have always wondered what effect such a retreat would have on me, and maybe just maybe I will get a chance to find out one day, soon I hope.

I have had my own spiritual awakening about 4 years ago and today live in bliss, literally, but still there is nothing like getting away from cars, your house, stores, people around you, etc and just immersing yourself like this.

Fabulous! I am so happy for you and that you were able to experience this :)
Mystic Madness

Sep 10 09, 12:03 pm PDT

2
Nice to see that you are back. And I am glad you had a wonderful trip. I am sure your readers including me are waiting eagerly to hear more from you on your experiece. You list of schedule would definately help many people including me.
Tiffany
Sep 10 09, 12:13 pm PDT

3
Wow.. i almost feel like i won the lottery just from reading your post!
Dayne | TheHappySelf.com

Sep 10 09, 12:22 pm PDT

4
Wow…AMAZING post!

I really enjoyed reading about your experience and what you learned, etc. You have me inspired to do the same. :)

Thank you,

Dayne
Nathalie Lussier

Sep 10 09, 12:38 pm PDT

5
Glad to have you back here Tina. As always, I love reading and learning from your wisdom. Thanks for sharing the link and tour dates, I’m taking a serious look at the meditation intensive in Toronto. :)
Will

Sep 10 09, 4:55 pm PDT

6
Good to have you back, Tina :)
Positively Present

Sep 10 09, 5:16 pm PDT

7
Welcome back, Tina! I’ve missed your posts in your absence, but you certainly came back with a bang! It was great to hear about your experience. Some of what you wrote about reminds me of the book Eat, Pray, Love. It sounds like you learned a great deal from your time away and challenged yourself in new ways. Good for you! And good to have you back, blogging again! :)
Miche | Serenity Hacker

Sep 10 09, 6:49 pm PDT

8
Wow Tina,

I am enjoying your very personal sharing here these days. This post definitively outlines the healthy changes one can experience from a sustained practice of meditation and yoga.

Though we may never be able to “float on clouds”, the experience of living this way is priceless.

Many may not be fortunate enough to take such a sabbatical and journey so far. From my own personal experience, I can say that many of the benefits from the practice of meditation can be achieved without going anywhere. But then again, who wouldn’t want to study under an enlightened guru if afforded the opportunity? ;)

I’ll keep reading and hope you share with readers how you sustain your practice back in the “outside world”, as I think many will find that information quite valuable.

Congratulations to you and my compliments on your bravery for leaving what you know, what is familiar, and flinging yourself into the unknown, unfamiliar, and committing to (and extending) the experience. You stayed well beyond the “honeymoon” phase, and I’m sure what you learned during the LBE, though challenging, will continue to prove invaluable. Your trip may be over but I suspect this journey has not yet come to it’s conclusion. I believe that the most meaningful and lasting transformations in us take place when we let go of all we know but haven’t yet quite “arrived” at our new destination. You may already be home, but you’re probably still arriving.

(See “The Parable of the Trapeze” http://bit.ly/2IGDlg I’m sure you will relate.)

Thanks again for sharing your experience here. I look forward to keeping up and reading more about this.

Cheers,

Miche :)
Lance

Sep 10 09, 7:04 pm PDT

9
Tina,
So good to see you back here. These lessons you’ve learned – yes, they almost seem obvious some of them – and yet, the real key is not just saying them, it’s really living them. And that’s where this idea of raising your consciousness has to have been such a great help. Tina, this whole journey sounds like one that has been so worthwhile and good for the soul. And that’s a pretty great place for you to be in.
Dragos Roua

Sep 10 09, 7:55 pm PDT

10
Great description. I do think something changed not only in your writing, but in your overall perspective at all. What you call “Inner Awakening” was certainly a real transformation with powerful effects on how you project yourself to the outside world.

Thank you :-)
Belinda Munoz

Sep 10 09, 9:02 pm PDT

11
Thanks for sharing your incredible experience.

I would love to read a post on how to shift from an emotional to a relaxed state within seconds.
efzozt
Sep 10 09, 11:20 pm PDT

12
amazing post, it`s enlightened me as well
Carol
Sep 11 09, 3:11 am PDT

13
Please, keep writing.
Finola Prescott

Sep 11 09, 3:56 am PDT

14
Welcome back seems not quite right, welcome back into our lives perhaps says it better since you seem to have moved forward and upward :)
Lisis

Sep 11 09, 5:19 am PDT

15
Wow, Tina! I am so impressed and inspired. I’m impressed because you took such a long sabbatical from your life and your blog even though it was such a huge success. Most people can’t step away from their blog even a day for fear of losing readers or page views. So, I applaud you for having your priorities well in order.

I am inspired because I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go away on a spiritual retreat of some sort… a day, a weekend, a month, whatever. Maybe because I’m a mom I haven’t yet found the right opportunity… or maybe I’m just making excuses because I haven’t been “ready.”

Either way, after reading about your experience, I am even more convinced this is something I NEED to do. It may not be three months in an ashram, but I’m definitely due for some time away from the things of ordinary life.

Thank you… and Welcome Back!!
Uzma
Sep 11 09, 6:46 am PDT

16
Dear Tina,
That sounds and feels beautiful. So many times, I could feel tears rising in me. Tears that come out of timelessness.
I wondered where you were and how you were doing many times. More so because I am so close by in India. I am glad that you had a wonderful and happy time.
All your learning has now become our learning too. But more than that the inner peace is radiating right through this blog page to us. I think when one transcends or sees peace, you connect to a Oneness, that then connects us all. And its seeping through so beautifully.
Do write more about the exercises. Maybe you can have a e-book with exercises, self enquiry etc for your readers. We would truly love that.
God bless and every happiness and peace always
Love
Nadia - Happy Lotus

Sep 11 09, 7:14 am PDT

17
Hi Tina,

Welcome back! I could relate so much to what you wrote. I spent six months in India at an ashram and prior to that I almost became a nun at one of the high orders in India.

What you experienced will only grow, I have no doubt. :)
Dr.Shilpa
Sep 11 09, 7:25 am PDT

18
WOW
Thanks for the link of Videos !!!
Carl

Sep 11 09, 7:31 am PDT

19
This was a wonderful read.

I’m on my own semi-retreat my regular travel and life right now in the small woods of Maine with regularly six to twelve hours of alone time in any given day. I have found that having that quiet and lack of bustle gives me a great deal of time to focus both on projects and inward on myself.

It’s quite a change from my past year of travel – changing location every two weeks, teaching, dancing, being on the go.
Linda Himes

Sep 11 09, 7:43 am PDT

20
I love your journey, your description, your changing impressions and understanding of the depths of our ‘Core Light’ ~ everyone’s journey is unique, but so many are now discovering, more and more, the same Truth by whatever path. Really enjoyed reading your blog, and I invite you to the website given for information about my newly published book of metaphysical poems. I think you would enjoy reading them; they basically explore that very Oneness that Is, the metaphor of the physical for the spiritual. May Light continue to bathe your travels!
Sheila

Sep 11 09, 7:58 am PDT

21
Dang, if I had an extra $6000 I’d totally go in December. But I guess I’ll have to just stick to going it alone for now. *sigh*. I found your blog through a tweet today and SO glad I have. I’ll bookmark you so I can come back and keep up.

This journey of yours sounds amazing and I was relaxed just reading about your experiences. Congrats. Hopefully I’ll get to that total package place one day.
Mike
Sep 11 09, 9:39 am PDT

22
More than I ever your post reminds that NOTHING in life is free. $8000 seems like a lot to pay for your experience but it is so much less expensive that alternatives. Most Christian denominations demand 10% of your gross income as payment.
pavs
Sep 11 09, 11:02 am PDT

23
Hey Tina,

Long time reader here. I am glad that you had a positive experience with your visit to Ashram. Even though I don’t believe in any organized religious or spiritual cult that asks for “mandatory donations” to help you seek inner piece in the middle of the village under tree. I can understand that people are different and everyone has their own ways of finding peace or answers to their problems and I can respect that.

I just ask that you put things in to perspective. As I have come to know you through this blog – you are a very smart and thoughtful and passionate person. People who reads your blog, gives a lot of weight in to what you have to say about your experience – specially when it is positive.

Meditation is not rocket science. No one needs to go to India to find their inner peace or better understand their spiritual self. You can be in the middle of the Manhattan during broad daylight and still find your peace with proper meditation with the help of good literature to guide you. The location of your meditation or people who are conducting such meditation are not important.

I am an Indian (born – living in NY) and I am often amused to see how easily “westerners” get drawn to this “spiritual” teachings organized by people with the ultimate goal of making profit.

Like I said, everyone has their own unique experience and I can understand and respect that you had a profound spiritual experience in those circumstances. But let’s not give this so-called “guru” any more credit than they deserve. They didn’t find any secret to life or they are above others in terms of spiritual well-being. They just found a great to make money out of people who are willing and able to afford them.

Best.
O.N

Sep 11 09, 2:13 pm PDT

24
Hi Tina,

I am happy for you for all the lessons you learned and the success you achieved..

I am interested to know more about “NSP (4 days) – In depth focus on the topic of fear and the subject of death. ” I wish you can write more about what you have learned regarding this topic.

My believe regarding death is as simple as God told us in his Holy Book:

“Blessed be He in Whose hands is Dominion; and He over all things hath Power;He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving;” (Quran, 60:1,2)

Everyone carries the fear of death. however, it is the believe that there is a life after death that gives us the hope and peace in this life. The fear will never completely go as long as we live in this life, but we can overcome this fear by understanding the purpose of our life and carry on our responsibilities and activities. And just keep in remembering that day after day our life is moving more and more towards the end, but at the same time by our faith and our good deeds we are building the second life.. as long as we are on the “right path and have the right faith..”
Francis

Sep 11 09, 2:43 pm PDT

25
The Hopi peoples of AZ testified that “A Simple And Spiritual Life is the only Life that will survive”…….

Simplicity not only in thought but in life”style”…….

No guru is needed, only the realization that sufficiency is yet of Creation and The Creator, not of oneself…….

Peace, in spite of the dis-ease(no-peace) that is of this world, for “the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one” indeed and Truth…….

Truth is that which is Real, and that which is Real is never ending…….
Michael-S
Sep 11 09, 6:15 pm PDT

26
Pavs – That’s an extremely rude thing to say, thinking you can put down someone elses experience because of your own bloated sense of self. You have absoultely no idea what she went through, or the motives of her Guru.
Siew Yong Teo
Sep 11 09, 6:41 pm PDT

27
Nithyanandam Tina,

Life Bliss Foundation S’pore posted your blog link which made the connection again.

Still remember me? The other Chinese girl from Singapore?

It has been 2 months since I got back to Singapore. I can absolutely relate to the ‘new space’ within which is infused with awareness when we are faced with challenges in life again & again. This is where the real life begins….in fact, I am still in awe with the miracles that are constantly happening around me since Inner Awakening. :-)

When one is reconnected with the Source, one sees the whole world becomes a play, a drama, a constant happening. A deep relaxed feeling lands in my entire Being.

A side note to Pavs :- I can certainly understand your skepticism since there are numerous black sheeps out there. But don’t let a few rotten eggs prevent you from seeing the Truth. It’s time to reconnect back to your Indian roots as it has so much to offer in raising your consciousness and collective consciousbess of humanity.

In nithyananda,
SY
Indy
Sep 11 09, 10:08 pm PDT

28
Congratulations. You seem to have had a genuine experience.

But USD 6000 for enlightenment? Phew… I guest that leaves out 99% of the world’s population who can’t afford it. That’s a shame… And what’s funny is the centre’s website claims they will use these funds for social projects. Who knew?
Diggy - Upgradereality.com

Sep 12 09, 1:46 am PDT

29
Wow!
That sounds absolutely amazing!
I’m so happy for you that you had this experience and that you could share it with us.

I have never really meditated,yet read so much about it, and it’s on my list to do sometime before I’m 30.

Social conditioning and media takes away so much of our inner peace and clutters our mind, and I think it is good to cleanse the mind.

Awesome Article!
Stumbled it!
Diggy
Karlil

Sep 12 09, 4:20 am PDT

30
I was surprised when I saw an RSS feed from TSN the other day. It’s nice to hear that you have a great time over there. Never really meditate before so I can’t put in much thought on the subject :) Talk to you soon Tina.
Alex Blackwell

Sep 12 09, 7:39 am PDT

31
Welcome back Tina – you were missed.
Lori

Sep 12 09, 9:44 am PDT

32
Thanks for sharing your experience and your lessons with us. Like commenter Belinda Munoz, I would also love to learn how to shift from an emotional state to a relaxed one.

I’d also like to read more about “Understanding what someone needs before they speak to ask for it, even in a different language”. The idea of this really fascinates and intrigues me.
Jen

Sep 12 09, 12:13 pm PDT

33
Hi Tina
Thank you for sharing some of your journey, it sounds really amazing and there is alot to absorb here from what you have learnt.
jen x
Jen

Sep 12 09, 12:17 pm PDT

34
Great to have you back Tina and thank you for sharing some of your experiences… they sound amazing and are really inspiring. I look forward to reading more.
Jen x
Mark S
Sep 12 09, 2:26 pm PDT

35
You have been very missed by all of us. Looking forward to continuing to read your insightful posts.

Before you went on this journey, based on your other writings, I thought you were pretty damned enlightened already! What’s always kept me reading and admiring you is how you expressed to much clarity on your life’s experiences, and compared to most people I know (myself included), you have far more wisdom.

I’m glad you had such a great experience. Can’t want to get to know you better through your writings and to see how this has transformed you.
Scott - Reading For Your Success

Sep 12 09, 5:12 pm PDT

36
This really sounds magical Tina. Welcome back and congratulations on such an experience! I look very forward to taking part in something similar before long. So far the closest I have gotten to enlightenment is a little daily morning mediation and a day-long trip here and there to Spirit Rock Meditation Center just outside of San Francisco. I have more than enjoyed the experiences and benefits so far and can only imagine how such dedicated practice and learning as you’ve done has effected your mind and life. We are inspired! Hope to see you at one of Swamiji’s events when he’s back out here.

To clarity,
Scott
Duff

Sep 13 09, 12:25 am PDT

37
Sounds like a productive retreat. Congratulations.

Best of luck with integrating your experiences. Post-bliss-retreat integration can be painful when you lose access to the profound bliss, sleep needs increase, and the temptation can be to go back on retreat rather than deal with ordinary life.

Often old habits come back with a vengeance after long retreats. Be kind to yourself if you notice old cravings, emotions, and addictions surfacing–it happens to all of us humans, no matter how many retreats, or thousands of hours of practice.

Bliss is wonderful, but notice how it passes, and how non-bliss is also ok just as it is. Then even deeper freedom can be discovered, the freedom of accepting all experience, pleasure and pain, bliss and suffering, in the ordinary experience of just being with it all.

Also, when you are ready, make sure to keep your mind about you and exercise critical thinking. Study is an important part of spiritual development, and we can sometimes be too eager to drop the positive. Guru traditions can be useful, but have a long history of abuse (especially in the West), and your guru has already been accused of corruption by several inner circle members: http://bit.ly/4gNn

Whether the allegations against Nithyananda are true or not, this is no way negates or invalidates your wonderful and positive experiences. Many of us get a start on the path with charismatic teachers that have very human problems or are even quite unethical (I certainly did). But these teachers bring us great benefit for starting us on the path, even if they are more human that they publicly admit.

Again, congratulations and I wish you well on this journey.

May all beings be liberated,
~Duff
Duff

Sep 13 09, 12:30 am PDT

38
I saw that I didn’t finish one of my sentences. I should have written “Study is an important part of spiritual development, and we can sometimes be too eager to drop the positive aspects of mind in our quest to eliminate the clinging, craving, and aversion of mind.”
Duff

Sep 13 09, 12:43 am PDT

39
I just found this excellent article that covers the bliss states (jhanas), and some of the profound lessons involved in learning to let them go, from someone who just came back from a 2 month retreat:

http://www.realitysandwich.com/jhanas_meditative_absorptions

Imagine your greatest dreams fulfilled, in oceans of light, bliss, love, and mystical union. Now imagine that you have to let them go. This is the lesson: that even the greatest of states arise and pass. You can’t hold onto anything conditioned, even the dearest and most precious experiences imaginable.
Nithya Jeeveshwari
Sep 13 09, 2:13 pm PDT

40
In response to comments regarding the cost of the LBE program, if you look at the cost of attending a typical yoga teacher’s training program in the U.S. (check out the September 2009 issue of LAYoga), you can easily spend $2000-$4000 just for a few weeks of yoga teacher training alone.

As a fellow LBE participant, when I was trying to figure out how to afford the program, I realized that I spent more living in Los Angeles–about $3000 per month–than I would spend living in India for three months. Many people in the West, especially in cities, would easily spend $6000 in three months on rent, food and utilities.

For LBE, food, board, daily yoga, three months of intensive classes/workshops, study materials, and bus trips were included in the program fee. I felt that it was an extraordinarily generous program.
Daniel Richard

Sep 13 09, 7:05 pm PDT

41
Wow. That’s quite a huge journey of transformation you’ve went through! But one thing’s for sure and that everyone here would agree on is that… glad to have you back on TSN Tina! :)
Krishna

Sep 13 09, 9:40 pm PDT

42
Hi Tina,

Great to hear about your blissful experience. And reading your post has once again reminded me of Swamiji’s ability to lead the seekers to enlightenment. All the best on your journey.

@pavs, yes it is possible to achieve inner peace in the middle of Manhattan using any number of meditative techniques, but the intensity of practice is what a master accelerates. He/She performs the role of a very powerful catalyst.

Cheers,
Krishna
Hellen

Sep 13 09, 9:48 pm PDT

43
I’m so glad that you are back and thank you for the great post.
unfortunately I can’t access the video linked above .
During the time you are in your journey, I feel like I’m missing something, I need your article badly ^_^
thanks again that you are back .

xiexie??
lisa
Sep 14 09, 10:20 pm PDT

44
Welcome back Tina!

It’s nice to hear from you again. As always, you never failed to amazed me with your journeys in life, esp. this inner awakening of yours. Your unselfish acts of sharing with us your experiences makes you a great blessing to your readers, me included. I’m grateful that someone out there is willing to put into writing the events of their lives that others may learn from them. I thank you so much. You always uplift my spirit right on the spot!

Keep it up.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome

Sep 15 09, 9:34 am PDT

45
For years I’ve wanted to do a meditation retreat and this has just upped the desire. There are some great centres here in Spain and in France that I’ve been looking at.

Hmm….
Paul Norwine

Sep 15 09, 11:20 am PDT

46
Hi Tina,

Your experience sounds incredible. I think we’d all benefit with an update post in a couple of months after coming back to the states? Just a thought :)

Paul
Sophie
Sep 15 09, 12:35 pm PDT

47
Welcome back indeed Tina!I would love to know more about the miracles please – any tiny ones you could share apart from the poo proof tree?!;o)
Shellee Rae

Sep 15 09, 1:54 pm PDT

48
Enjoyed…thank you and Blessings!

My book, Suffering ~ A Path of Awakening: Dissolving the Pain of Incest, Abuse, Addiction and Depression, takes the reader on a 39-year journey of my life, from a victim of sexual abuse, drugs, alcohol, and depression to the doors of death, into 12-step recovery, many spiritual paths and finally to full embodied awakening to Consciousness in August of 2008 with almost eleven years of sobriety.

‘Suffering’ was released this past May and is already touching the hearts of many people.

This powerful little book is for anyone who has longed for more in their life, has been (or is) lost to their purpose, struggled on different spiritual paths or experienced suffering, abuse or addiction at any level.

The raw truth and vulnerability of this incredible real-life story is inspiring hope and healing in the hearts of many who read it. A brave and heart-wrenching adventure, it will forever change the way one looks at suffering and enlightenment.

Visit shelleerae.com for reader’s reviews.Press release: http://www.pr.com/press-release/152365

Blessings and Love, shellee
Darwin
Sep 17 09, 6:11 am PDT

49
Thank you so much, Tina, for this. Your post has once again enriched my life. Thank you, thank you.
Kaushik

Sep 17 09, 7:41 am PDT

50
Hi Tina,

It sounds like a wonderful and life-changing experience for you. That’s great!

What’s worked equally well for me is simple Awareness and Release. A simple, conscious way of being shouldn’t require complicated theories and study. Though, I’ve been to Vipassana Meditation retreats, and I can see the value of group/community learning. I’ll try the Ashram thing one of these days.

Welcome back, and I look forward to your posts again.

k
Tess The Bold Life

Sep 17 09, 11:42 am PDT

51
the goal of the 21-day retreat: to quiet the inner chatter in our minds by over 50%, permanently.

Wow this goal is enough to make me sign up tomorrow! Once their removed I can see why you feel bliss and joy and a lotto winner. Not to simplify it of course. This is huge!

I’m off to watch the video clips!
Jill MacGregor An agent of change

Sep 18 09, 8:24 am PDT

52
Tina,
This was such a fascinating description of your experience, I had to go back for a 2nd read to see what new ideas would grab me. I loved your point on *Attracting Miracles*. We’re surrounded by so many gifts, but its up to us to notice and embrace them.
So intrigued by how this expereince will effect your future posts!
Glad you’re back!
BIRDIE

Sep 18 09, 10:04 am PDT

53
I would love to take a yoga class… especially if it involved tidbits of insight like the insight you offer.
Krismint
Sep 18 09, 11:41 am PDT

54
Hi Tina,
I have a problem and hoping you will able to guide me. Your articles are beautiful and they inspire you to live a very simple and happy life but lets face it life is not so easy. I want to know, even if we change and try and be good to people around us, how do you manage people who are not ready to change? People who give you so much negative vibes and who you know have some mischief planned up their sleeves? Your good nature makes them feel that you are spineless and they can get away with anything. How do you react to such people who take advantage of your innocence and good behaviour. Its like the bad people get away with everything because someone is being good to them and they continue harrassing you with their dirty mind games. Please tell me what are your views on this.

*********************
REPLY

> how do you manage people who are not ready to change?

Allowing people to be who they are. We can only change ourselves, and our perceptions of the world.. we cannot change others, only they can change themselves should they choose.

If you are around someone negative who you would rather not be around, just simply move away from them. Do what you can to take care of yourself, but doing so peacefully and kindly.

So far, I’ve not encountered anything taking advantage of my “innocence and good behavior”… I, myself still have a lot to work on.
nancy

Sep 18 09, 11:52 pm PDT

55
wow – reading about your experience here reminds me of my own at the Pachamama Osho Commune in Costa Rica. i reviewed it briefly on my blog but – thinking my spiritual experience was profoundly intense and personal – didn’t really illuminate what i went through. seeing someone else articulate it though is absolutely inspiring. and you are bringing me one step closer to India!
bramster

Sep 19 09, 4:51 am PDT

56
Loved the article and the links thank you

This article was worth the wait

All the best
Jai Kai - SharingSuccess.tv

Sep 19 09, 8:50 am PDT

57
Wow… Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience Tina. I think everyone should experience a retreat like this for growth and transformation.

I recently spent 3 months in an Ashram as well, in Reishikesh, India – The foothills of the Himalayas – Lots of yoga, meditation and studying of the Sutras.

The most powerful and transformational experience I have ever had in my life was there – during 40 days of silence.
The ultimate retreat to get to know yourself and go inward – the first 30 days was challenging but the last 10 days – pure bliss, cannot explain in words.

Thank you so much for sharing…I would love to visit your guru -swamiji in Vancouver
Raman
Sep 20 09, 6:06 am PDT

58
Nice blog post.
I live in India and I totally agree with the comment posted by PAVS above.

Namaste
Hemali

Sep 20 09, 1:39 pm PDT

59
Hi Tina,
So glad to hear from you again. Loved reading about your experiences. I will most probably be going there in December as well for Inner Awakening. Very much looking forward to it. Hope to see you in Seattle or LA in the next month or so.
Love
Hemali
Winnie Yu
Sep 23 09, 5:19 pm PDT

60
Tina,
Glad to found your blog.
It is my lucky to read your articles.
I will read it carefully and learn from it.
Thanks for sharing!
Ravi
Sep 25 09, 4:44 am PDT

61
Hi Tina,

Thanks for sharing your experience, it is inspiring to me. Also, thanks for recommending the “Memory” video, followed the lecture thrice to grasp each sentence, and each one is like a whole lesson indeed. Have to go through it once more.. love the part about a person being new at each moment and how imposing our memory of that person from earlier is unfair to that person; It does help in approaching a person with open-mind.

Looking forward to your next post!

Ravi
Poonam
Sep 26 09, 1:38 am PDT

62
Tina

I came across this enriching website while i was on the net trying to find something to read so that i can overcome what i was going through some 2 months ago …. and luckily i came across this website. You were not available at that time as you went for meditation in india. I must tell you that i have been through the whole website and almost every article. The story were similar to mine…what i have been through and also what i feel sometimes… no doubt you have more enlightenment that i do but i have a lot to learn from you. I am born in a hindu family, however there was something within me that always made me believe that there is only one God, but it is us human who made religion. At the end we all want one thing when we pray, we all pray to GOD, it is just that we have different ways …..

Discovering my inner self is something fantastic that i am currently doing. I have been through your experiences and followed some of your advice….. Tina i am glad that there are other people in this world who does understand what i feel, what you feel…. i think we should share this in a better way…. i simply love your website…
Giyen

Sep 26 09, 10:05 pm PDT

63
Welcome back Tina. You have been missed. Thanks for the great write up about the experience!
Hilary
Sep 28 09, 2:58 pm PDT

64
Thank you so much for this article. I am very interested in visiting an ashram, because the experience sounds life changing. I really appreciate that you have shared your experiences here so candidly.

I have a question that may sound ridiculous – but I thought that Swamiji was no longer living, so I think that I’m missing something here. Is this one of Swamiji’s students that has taken over the teaching?

Thank you again!
Hilary

***********************
REPLY

A “Swami” is an honorary title. Read more about it on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swami

“Ji” appended at the end of a title or name makes it a respectable way to call someone.

So there are many swamijis. My guru’s name is actually “Paramahamsa Nithyananda” meaning Paramahamsa = “Divine Swan” and Nithyananda = “Eternally Blissful”. We call him swamiji for short.
Robert Fay

Oct 01 09, 1:19 am PDT

65
Hi Tina,

I am new to your site. Got here because of Jonathan Fields blog.

I know this, real balance is the absence of stimulus. From this place of quiet then can arise the inspiration of one’s What is Needed next expression and then Experience.

I am glad you have moved to a new expression. I just wish there had not been the pressure of our culture to push you out of your place of balance in its incessant need to be stimulus acting upon itself and everything else.

Robert
the IRF
Krismint
Oct 01 09, 2:01 am PDT

66
hi tina,

thnks for ur reply. I have recently joined yoga. Since i am from india yoga is normal way of life for many. i always wanted to learn it and have managed to get started. My teachers have also done a one year residential course from an ashram in bangalore. I think its the same asharam that u have been too. I hope i am able to achieve the mental peace and happiness that we all are striving for thru meditation. Do let me know when ever u are in india. Its always a pleasure to meet likeminded people.
Seun Kilanko

Oct 01 09, 2:10 pm PDT

67
Woo! I had to really follow it to the end. Well done!
Hayden Tompkins

Oct 02 09, 2:27 am PDT

68
I found it strange to come back to the world. It was like I had been released from it and it took a little time to acclimate.

It’s such an intensely personal and heart-shifting experience and I am impressed that you’ve been able to clearly communicate some of what you experienced. It can be tough when those experiences seem to transcend what you’ve known, the very person you are.

I wish you the best of luck (and some mindfulness!) in getting back to your life.
Frank Mifflin
Oct 02 09, 4:27 pm PDT

69
Simple recipes and fast food for the mind.
Vincent

Oct 05 09, 12:03 am PDT

70
Hi Tina,

Great to see you back and it seems like you gained a lot of insights and knowledge from the program. Recently I have been into meditation and it seems like Paramahamsa Nithyananda will be in Singapore for the one day meditation programme,Kalpataru Darshan. I got to check it out.

Cheers,
Vincent
Asianmommy

Oct 05 09, 6:46 am PDT

71
What an interesting journey and a wonderful experience. Thanks for sharing!
Jbelem
Oct 05 09, 7:59 am PDT

72
I have got to say, thank you!
Oleg Mokhov

Oct 06 09, 9:25 am PDT

73
“Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction, that’s progress.” -Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Hey Tina,

Personal growth happens through struggles, not pleasure. Just like with your LBE experience: during the tough moments is when you grew and became more conscious, not relaxing under the sun. It wasn’t pleasurable, but the result afterwards is what’s awesome.

When you work out, you don’t enjoy the sweating, burning, exhaustion. But the boosted strength afterwards is sweet, and why you keep working out.

I’ve been on a few multi-week Alaskan adventures–full nature assimilation–and it was really tough sometimes. Cold, windy, raining, trying to get a fire going with damp wood, trying to put up a dry tent – all tough, and I wanted to be warm and at home. But afterwards, I felt great for pushing my pain threshold. I was more alive, had more energy, and gained clarity through being so far out into tough nature.

Thanks for sharing your kick-butt experience. Here’s to continued desirable struggles – and the resulting growth.

Oleg
jamin

Oct 06 09, 12:28 pm PDT

74
tina-

humbled gratitude for sharing this.

–Jamin
Jared | SpiritualZen.net

Oct 07 09, 7:16 am PDT

75
Thanks for sharing your experience.

“I would whisper a prayer of gratitude for the warm support and freedom I was fortunate to have”

The Secret Power of Gratitude is something I strive for each and every day. I believe a heart filled with gratitude has little room for self-pity (a form of self-centeredness) and suffering.
Wendy

Oct 22 09, 2:55 pm PDT

76
Tina, thank you so much for telling your story. I’ve often been curious about this type of retreat and it’s an amazing experience you share. I drank up every word.
Katie West/The Levity Coach

Oct 27 09, 9:13 am PDT

77
Tina,
Wow. I became a reader of your blog right before you left for the ashram. It is a delight to see your return. I am bookmarking your post as my meditation this week. Thank you.
I have two small children so as I was reading it thinking, “Yes! I’d love to take that time!” I know it is so vital and so look forward to doing it someday. And in the meantime, I realize how valuable it is not to wait for that time to allow ourselves to go inward and explore peacefulness.
I have been challenging myself in this time to seek peace in each moment whether washing dishes, working with a client, or being with my partner. Thank you for your meaningful thoughts. They will be with me all week.
Welcome back-yahoooo!!! :)
Melanie
Nov 22 09, 3:54 pm PDT

78
Thank you so much for this inspirational article!!! I would love to do this program……..Is it possible to get more info? And, glad your back :)
Veena
Nov 23 09, 10:47 pm PDT

79
Thank you for you thoughtful write up of your Indian experience. A dear friend of mine is in the very ashram you described at this moment.

I “stumbled upon” your site, and it is no coincidence. I too am traveling to Southern India in February for a Pilgrimage. My teacher says that I have been called, and magically the way was cleared for me.

I have never been out of North America, and I am curious about some of the practical considerations of traveling to India. Details like immunizations, coping with long flights, and being safe as I travel.

Once I arrive at my ashram everything is taken care of. My concern is the transition from one place to another, one culture to another.

The teachings I have received so far are along the same lines as yours, based on the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. It must be interesting integrating what you absorbed in India, with your day to day life in Seattle.

Please write some more about your experiences. What does somebody new to India need to know?

Namaste
Sherwin Maxawow
Jan 06 10, 1:50 pm PDT

80
HELLO—– I am new—– and I come from a different background, which is HIGHLY SUPER religiously programmed family, and yet have been the middle child of a large bunch of older and younger siblings who have always seemed different to me in a lot of ways….

(please note: that I am actually and sincerely leading up to a major point I NEED to make for the sake of crying out to anyone who might care to help me in this time of serious family crisis)

I have been like the “black sheep” of a fairly successful family! I am proud of my older brother who is in the air force and is an actual F-15 pilot—- and may very well be called to an even more powerful, much newer jet called the F-22. I would love for him to have that WOW kind of opportunity to fly something that I could only dream about the experience of myself! YET I AM NOT FOR WAR or even the cool or fancy new technology behind it all. And this same (4 years older than me) brother named Dave is not the same “Davy” I once fought forest fires with back in 1992 for the U.S.Forest Service which we based our summer out of North Bend Washington state…living for the time behind the “Ranger Station” itself. He has somehow become like an un-emotional kind of stranger to me, but he is also a good father to his own small but growing family!

Indeed, I do love my family even in spite of how they have all seemingly so very often ‘spit on me’ (metaphorically speaking)— looking down on me as being A TOTAL LOSER! This has hurt me, and it was after working in North Bend many summers ago…..that I came down with a stress related illness called Crohn’s disease which I nearly died from, and then had an encounter with a certain SOMEBODY——-(deep breath)—– who was in fact, and in all HONESTY so incredible.. and so totally amazing— (enough to BLOW MY ENTIRE MIND AND HEART WIDE OPEN TO A LOVE THAT I ONLY WISH I COULD PUT INTO WORDS!) and SO SURPRISING TOO…….. and every atom of my entire being seemed to just KNOW who THIS amazing BEING WAS!

And this was years ago….when I experienced the above mind blowing WOW of a very close encounter WITH—– (I will hold back for now, on saying exactly who—– yet only because I feel protective over it and you people…..and this new site (as nice as it really looks to me so far) are still people I do not yet personally know at all! And I at least feel I need “A RESPONCE” from someone else before I go into more details.

But as long ago as this experience was, it changed my entire life forever,,,,and it was not exactly an easy change for me to simply ADJUST TO inside right away. But its taken me several years, hard and hurtful years…..within a family I love…..to come into it or (I should say “grow” into it over the years since!

It was HOLY…..but did not keep me from my addictive self, which is deep rooted in both family lines, and I became an OPIATE ADDICT…..long before I met THIS CERTAIN…..somebody. And YES……it was not like a HAZY LIGHT of LOVE that was formless or like something that we might imagine GOD would be like, as being A SOURCE….. And of course GOD IS THE SOURCE, and we are all products of that FIRST ULTIMATE ETERNAL WELLSPRING……BUT that is not (in my humble own honest opinion) how we should SEE GOD at all. Would you see your own dear best friend or mother or grandparent or someone like that who is special as A SOMETHING or do you prefer to see them as a TRUE SOMEBODY or Some ONE????

I am about to fly to africa to do IBOGAINE which I have been hoping to do for years now, because my family issues and my own physical handi-caps —due to all the past surgeries I had before I met this INCREDIBLE And UNIQUE BEING of which I cannot even remember—-only I remember the story— and how many times I have shared it with friends over the years! BUT DO I REMEMBER HOW IT WAS? I ONLY REMEMBER HOW I DID NOT EVEN NEED TO BREATHE at the time I as experiencing the LOVE which was so personal, and met all the needs of my entire BEING, so much that I could not even feel like I could barely contain such an overwhelming — I MEAN OVERWHELMING LEVEL of LOVE that was not like ANY KIND OF LOVE I had ever imagined possible, yet was experiencing suddenly and unexpectedly out of the blue, just after feeling so very hopeless and wishing I had died— which they were expecting me to only have a 20% chance of NOT dying during the emergency surgery of this which happened in FEB. of 1996l

AND THEN Suddenly, I just finally gave up trying to find an escape from my own self absorbed…..inner misery and restlessness while not even being able to eat or drink anything by mouth, and hooked up to all kinds of tubes, and heart monitors……..and then my mind just suddenly gave up or something, and that is when I remembered in a just kinda……OH YEAH kind of way—– like oh—(causually inside) “I FORGOT about that—–and then SWOOOSH— up…up and UP AND UP…and OH MY GOD—- it was like I was suddenly being launched by a rocket into a realm so unexpected, and OH….SO POWERFULLY OVERWHELMING……and LOVE, magnifying and MAGNYFING AND GROWING, SWELLING UP…all so fast within my entire SOUL……..it took my whole breath away! AND IT DID NOT CEASE or show any sign at all that it was going away, but I continued being on this SUPER FAST…..ROCKET LAUCH to an ecstasy like I cannot even begin to put into words!

I was SOBBING uncontrollably, and literally shaking and all sorts of flooding emotional DAMN BREAKING…….FLOODING over me in tears of which I could not even control at all……….yet these were not just tears….but the richest and sweetest and most real, kind of tears of JOY— mixed with catching my breath and trying so hard to just get a grip on THIS—- unexpected—- HOLY GOD…..I cannot even explain it!

And finally at some point I just ended up, like being real still…….and not even breathing because I was just so much inside “TRYING” simply my best to experience what this was???!!!

And in all my uncontrolled sobbing of of tears…mixed with all kinds of sweet and living emotions………a
down on me, and criticized me for being “a failure” —– all my life…and yes..all of which has hurt me so much inside. (plz do not think I seek pity or any of the usual hatred of insulting, hate………..that seeems to be so often how people even sometimes good friends have inflicted onto me since I as very young. But I must also mention my life has been blessed with the sweetest of blessings, yet all (or most of which) were very much my own….and personal, and yet REAL. As much as I AM REAL…………and I know I am.

I care so much about my MOM….who I now came to realize in the past 7 years or so………that her emotional needs within her marriage have never been truly met,,,and yet I cannot blame it all on my dad either.
Venky
Feb 07 10, 11:50 pm PDT

81
Hi Tina,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I was considering going to the Inner Awakening program too up until recently. However a friend pointed these two blogs recently and I am deeply conflicted and I feel like there is something weird about Nithyananda.

http://nithyananda-cult.blogspot.com
http://nithyatales.webs.com

I am praying to divine to guide me in the right path. For now though, I am going to stay away from Nithyananda, although I realize your experience was so wonderful.
The Spirit of The Living God
Feb 09 10, 12:27 am PDT

82
True bliss and happiness without the true vine? I don’t believe you.
Lakshmi
Mar 03 10, 5:01 am PDT

83
Tina this is the most recent news about the so called Swami Nithyananda.. He is not a real swamiji… He was found to be close with an actress and all those photos have been exposed by the Indian media… All his ashrams are being smashed by the public.. I request not to promote such people on your website as many people would be mislead… Thanks…
seeker
Mar 03 10, 8:06 am PDT

84
I have been reading your blog and was quite impressed by this enlightenment report.

Saw this in the news and decided to report back to you.
Your enlightened guru in a sex scandal.
http://entertainment.oneindia.in/tamil/exclusive/2010/ragasudha-ranjitha-nithyananda-sex-030310.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTaKRNKLg_E&feature=player_embedded

This is where we have to accept that nobody is perfect in this world and i guess not throw out the baby with the bathwater.
raman
Mar 04 10, 1:27 am PDT

85
Search about your beloved swamiji on google news to see what he has been up to. I wonder when will people stop falling for these fraudulent gurus.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Swamis-devotees-roughed-up-in-Karnataka-TN-after-TV-sting/articleshow/5639175.cms
raman
Mar 04 10, 4:34 am PDT

86
Why did you delete my comment. Truth hurts, doesnt it? Just go google Swami Nithyananda’s name and see what comes up. At least have the courtesy to remove this post till the charges against him are investigated….. or else you may misguide a lot of people.

**************

REPLY

No comments gets deleted. I’m on maternity leave with my newborn and in the middle of moving, sorry for the delay. I will respond about this soon.
Former Nithyananda devotee
Mar 23 10, 10:05 pm PDT

87
Hi Tina,

Please have the courage to ask some basic questions about Nithyananda. Yes he fooled many including me. Please see this simple video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNXJ5HtOHEQ

Please have the courage to see it, there is nothing bad in it. Just asks some basic questions about Nithyananda’s life, that the Foundation has been dancing around for months now and hiding. His entire biography is a lie.

Your blog reaches a lot of people. Just see how Nithyananda is acting right now. The way he is handling this situation shows the farce that he is. No courage at all to come out in public and face the situation with courage. So his words were just empty words that enlightened master can face any situation just gracefully. You can see how horrible his handling of this is.
Christin Myrick

Jul 18 11, 7:49 am PDT

88
This is so beautiful.

I am reading your words (warm western coffee in hand!) and feeling this profound… gratitude. Reading your post came at just the right time.

I realize there is some uproar around the guru and some lewd behavior.

However, it is the experience you had on your personal journey that is what struck me so.

Thank you for sharing.
Anthony
May 19 12, 2:51 am PDT

89
A little bit more “self “,a little bit more suffering.
A little bit less “self ” ,a little bit less suffering.
Cessation of “self “,cessation of suffering.
O Buddha what does it mean to ” self “,making people suffer endlessly!
O Buddha what does it mean to ” self “,making people reincarnate again and again and again !!

Universal truth is there is no ” self ” and nothing belongs to a ” self “.There is only the false understanding of the ignorant mind.There are merely body and mind,which are nothing but natural processes.Most of us feels that there is a self and there are things belong to self.But with wisdom of primal truth-discerning awareness ( satipanna),the fundamental true knowing and clear seeing that there is no self and nothing belongs to a self.
If we can live our lives in third person and look into ourselves ,we will see things are happening and changing on your body ( which is not you )from moment to moment endlessly.We will see nothing really belong to us and nothing whatsoever should be clung to even the Dhamma.If we still longing for the feeling of peacefulness during meditation,we still cannot get rid of suffering as we may still afraid of losing our beloved peacefulness.Let it comes and goes naturally.Just watch things happening on your body.Just watch !!
KellyKuhn
Jul 23 12, 12:06 am PDT

90
I want to go to Inner Awakening so Bad!!!! I am 17, and I am going to enroll in community college, but I wish very much that I could go to India first, attend Inner Awakening , and maybe even Kalish, and find my true purpose and how I am here to serve the planet. I feel it would help me so much with my life and with college, and that this program would help me live life happily! I am still waiting for the money to manifest, I am going to get a job, but I very firmly feel that my life is going to be kinda sucky until I experience Inner Awakening. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Kensington Pearl

Nov 15 12, 9:09 am PDT

91
Tina, I have been reading your blog for some time now. It’s wonderful I love your writing. I relate to many of the joys and experiences you have had especially around family and spirituality. Your perspectives are comforting.

Thank you so much for sharing your spiritual experience. As I was reading it I actually felt your energy through your words resonating through me. I needed to see this today. Thank you again.
Greg
Dec 17 12, 7:32 am PDT

92
Tina,

What a joy it was to read and just feel life itself in this post.
It’s one of the best posts I have ever read ~ anywhere.

Thank you for sharing your light and for paving the path for others.

With Much Gratitude,

Greg

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