How I Stopped Feeling Depressed

feeling depressed

Since the start of this year, and for 8 months following that, I have been battling with feeling depressed. And even though I thought I had overcome it during the first few months, its devastating effects lingered and haunted me in subtle ways.

It wasn’t until a series of personal struggles and more episodes of emotional breakdowns that followed, did it eventually “crack” me and had bring me back to a place of serenity.

This is a slice from that story.

I have been writing and rewriting this article on and off for several months, each time exposing different details and insights. With every version, I would allow self-doubt or excuses to over take me, I would then scrap the piece and start over.

Truth be told, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. I was ashamed at who I had become. I felt lost. I was struggling with everything and I had to “stand up” again.

Then it occurred to me that, sharing my struggles with you is a good thing. It exposes my own battles, the techniques which help me overcome them, and what I have learned through the experience.

It also shows you that all of us are in this together, in that we all dip into the pit falls of life’s turbulence, but we always recover, and often as a better person.

Depression doesn’t heal overnight, and even though we experience heightened states of happiness during the healing process, complete healing takes time and a lot of loving patience for your self.

I am a believer that things in our lives happen for a reason, a purpose greater than our selves, often greater than what we can fully comprehend.

When “bad” things happen, we have two choices, we can blame and prolong our victim identity, sinking deeper into our victim story, OR, we can choose to see the experience as a gift, an opportunity for personal growth, to expand our self-understanding, to expand our capacity to love ourselves, and to expand our capacity of compassion for others.

I choose to see what happened to me as a gift. The Universe loves me so much that she gave me a series of challenges that knocked me down. She knows that I have within me, all that I need to stand up again.

Like a loving mother, watching her baby learning to walk, she’ll have to allow the child to fall, sometimes hurting herself on the hard floor. The child may cry in pain and protest, but the mother must not interfere, allowing the child to learn on her own. Soon the child learns how to stand, then walk, then run. The Universe is the same way.

I choose to see what happened to me as stepping-stones to learning incredible life lessons that I wouldn’t gain any other way.

I choose to see what I experienced as a pathway of awakening, to discover the sacred within me, which also lies in every one of you.

I choose to view the events that lead to what I experienced as an act of compassion from the Universe, so that I can share my understanding to others experiencing similar pain.

Life is really very good, but we forget sometimes that we have choices at every step of the way. We have the choice to act or react. We have the choice of perspective. We have the choice of stepping back, taking a deep breath, and then moving forward deliberately.

We have the choice of creating, with the power of our mind, how we want the story of our lives to go.

Every moment of everyday, we have a clean slate, in which we can decide what our future will be. If we don’t do so consciously and deliberately, we simply bring what was once in the past into the future, and repeatedly live in the pain of the past.

Every time we tell someone our story of pain, where we play the victim, we are creating the same pain in our future. So, if you want a future free from pain, a future free from the past, tell a different story. Stop complaining, stop looking for sympathy from others, stop dwelling on all the unfairness that life has put you through.

Life is very short, and it is very beautiful – but only if we choose to see it as such. Do you really want to waste the limited time we have on this planet by dwelling on something that happened in the past, which is no longer real? Or choosing with deliberate intention to live life fully, to appreciate the everyday miracles we once took for granted, to focus on things that makes us happy and fulfilled.

3 Steps to Live Consciously & Stop Feeling Depressed

Like many of us, you may be experiencing some sort of problem on your side of the world. The fastest way to free yourself from your problems is the following steps:

Step 1: Stop Creating Problems

Recognize that you don’t want to recreate the problem in your future.

Try asking yourself,

“Do I really want to spend my precious time on this planet worried/concerned about this?”
“Do I want this worry/concern in my future?”

Recognize that your life will be better if you stop focusing on the problem.

Try asking yourself,

“Will my life end if I stop worrying about this?”
“What will happen if I stop worrying about this?”

When you choose to stop focusing on problems and pain, it doesn’t mean that the problem will magically go away. It means that even though the problem still exists on some level, you are choosing to no longer allow it to affect you emotionally. You are choosing to no longer waste energy on it.

Step 2: Focus on What Makes You Happy

“The mind is everything. What you think, you become.”
~ Buddha

Shift your focus towards things that make you feel good. What memories or thoughts make you smile, or feel good when you think about them? Use this memory as an anchor to shift your focus towards something more positive when you need it.

As you go about your day, regularly ask yourself, “What would I be happy doing?”, “What would make me happy right now?”, and then do those things.

Consciously doing things that make you feel good, not only shifts your thought pattern to a more positive one, thus attracting better feeling thoughts and experiences, it also makes you less susceptible to the emotional dips that come the with challenges that life presents us with.

Step 3: Refill Your Consciousness Tank

Conscious awareness is like a muscle, and to keep it healthy and functioning optimally, we need to regularly give it sufficient exercise. What exercise it needs is an individual choice, and one that your inner wisdom knows best. Here are some suggestions:

Meditation – no need to formalize this or over think it. Just sit some where quietly for 10-20 minutes, and consciously focus on your breath. When a thought comes, just gently allow it to pass and put your focus back on your breath. The results from this will bring miracles to your life in leaps and bounds (trust me, I’m speaking from personal experience).
Yoga – consciously moving your body, and stretching your body with awareness. Yoga is meditation with movement. Not only is it incredible for your consciousness, it does wonders for your physical body. After doing yoga (consciously), it feels as it you’ve had a massage. It is so relaxing and wonderfully healing.
Creative Engagement – Take up a hobby that draws on your creativity. Things such as: writing, dancing, drawing, wood working, scrap booking, etc. You fill in the blank with what makes your heart sing. For me, activities that make me feel creative are: writing, graphic design, and photography. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it, do it if it makes you feel creative. That’s the point: that you feel good. If you feel stuck not knowing what to do, I highly recommend getting the book, “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain”.
Mindful Practice – being conscious in all that you do, by placing your full awareness in the doing of things. When you’re walking, put your full awareness on your feet, and the feeling of walking. When you’re washing dishes, put your full awareness on your hands and the act of cleaning your dishes. When you’re drinking a glass of water or sipping your cup of coffee in the morning, put your full awareness into the enjoyment of that drink. You can be mindful about anything (even in the bedroom *wink*).
Journaling – no need to formalize this. Just grab a pen, a notebook or some loose paper, a glass of water or a mug of tea, and find a quiet place to start dumping what’s on your mind. It’s an incredible practice that allows you to sort out the random thoughts running in your head, and teaches you introspection that leads to a better understanding of yourself. Turning this into a ritual is very rewarding and feeds the soul. I like to do this when everyone’s asleep, then I climb onto my favorite reading chair, turn on the reading light and some candles, curl up in a ball and start writing.
Inspirational Reading – reading something that makes you feel empowered, inspired and motivated is not only a positive boost to your psyche, but also reminds you of the magnificence of your Being, and how powerful you are in the creative design of your life. Don’t treat inspirational reading like a fictional book, where you read from front to back and then move on to the next one. If you find something that inspires you, come back and revisit it regularly. I find myself going back to re-read the same book, over and over.
Questioning Life – questioning and analyzing your decisions and actions through out your daily life is a good practice to bring more conscious awareness into your day-to-day living. Even when you’ve taken unconscious action, analyzing what happened can be an enriching experience. Find a friend who you can talk about it with, or write it in a journal, or blog about it (like what I’ve done here).

Parting Words on Feeling Depressed

“You cannot control what happens to you,
but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you,
and in that, you will be mastering change
rather than allowing it to master you.”
~ Sri Ram

If you’re currently battling with feeling depressed, or even irritability from life’s problems, I suggest the following personal advice from me to you:

Be gentle with yourself.

It’s okay to feel bad. Healing takes time. Don’t be ashamed.

Take time to love yourself. Take time to get to know yourself.

Meditate for 20 minutes a day. You’ll be glad you did.

Take your self to Starbucks, get your favorite drink (I like white chocolate mocha or hot chai latte), find a comfortable seat, relax and do some people watching.

Expose yourself to people that makes you feel good and leave you feeling energized, instead of deleted.

First thing in the morning, drink a fresh glass of water, do some deep breathing, and then stretch your body out (yoga poses if possible, but optional).

Last thing before sleep, give gratitude for everything you are thankful for, starting with your body and your breath.

Whenever you are feeling cranky or sad, remind yourself to take a long deep breath.

Get a copy of “You Can Heal Your Life” and “Loving What Is” and (if you haven’t already) “The Power of Now”, and read them. Expose yourself to encouraging words of wisdom everyday, I repeat, every single day!

Are you interested in hearing more on the topic of Depression? Let me know your interest in the comments. Got a story you want to share? Speak your mind and share your thoughts with us in the comment section. We’ll see you there!

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83 Responses (79 Comments, 4 Trackbacks ):

Comments

John
Sep 29 10, 5:45 pm PDT

1
Another great article, Tina. We all know these truths but find them so challenging to apply sometimes. I needed to read this tonight, thanks.
J Bryant
Sep 29 10, 5:58 pm PDT

2
Excellent post! Every morning we decide how our day will go. Will you let little things bother you? Will you let old demons consume your thoughts? Or will you focus on the gift of life and the power you have to create a better future?
Tina Su

Sep 29 10, 6:32 pm PDT

3
Hi John,

You’re right, they can be so challenging to apply sometimes. Maybe that’s why the Universe keep presenting us with opportunities to “work” on them. :)
For me, the same kinds of challenges keeps showing up until I’ve learned the lesson. The hardest part is in the moment, since it’s so much easier to take the easy way out and give into our emotions, but if you somehow intercept our usual patterns, even just once, it’ll become easier the next time.

Knowing these truths doesn’t immune us from these challenges. It just makes us more aware of them, and thus, one step closer to applying them.
I really do believe that a daily practice of sitting silently while focusing on our breathe (ie. meditation), helps to insert time during these moments, giving us a longer slot of time to choose our response. :)

Warmly,
Tina
parker lee

Sep 29 10, 8:02 pm PDT

4
Hi Tina,

I, along with everyone else(i’m sure) appreciate you sharing this…

I’m glad you’re in a better mental state now than the first few months, and happy to hear your baby has 10 fingers,10 toes and a fine working nose. I don’t have kids(yet), but I hear the greatest gift to a parent is to know hat our kids will grow up healthy and being able to one day take care of themselves in this (sometimes tragic) world.

All the best,

Parker
UncleSam

Sep 29 10, 9:59 pm PDT

5
What a tremendous simplification of a common feeling! It’s so good to say than to be done.

In most cases, the first recommendation will fail, as there are people who are too responsible while you offer them to care less about problems. This not only gives them an illusion that they can leave these unsolved but also leads to problems accumulation as they become less important both to have and to solve.

Fixing on positive feelings is good but still does not fix the problem either. It’s the surrounding that makes you feel depressed, i.e. your style of life, relatives, work — these should be changed or some time later you will have a recurrent depression and your positive emotions and associations will dim due to this ineffective solution. You should start to find new positive experience in your life and in whatever surrounds you, not in your past, or you will remain there and all your life will come past without you.

It’s a deep psychological work to win over a depression which starts with its understanding and not just curing symptoms as modern doctors recommend. You offer only a temporary solution, no more.
Onna
Sep 30 10, 1:00 am PDT

6
I don’t think it’s that easy . When you are really depressed nothing gives you pleasure , nothing at all , everything is plain and tastless , the old stuff that was so dear to you and made you happy and made you smile doesn’t do it .
Also when you are deep in the black whole to make yourself to do things like yoga or journaling is no such a simple matter , when you spend your days on crying and feeling numb such activity doesn’t come easy beacuse as you feel so down nothing seems to help you and you won’t reach for it .
Christopher Lovejoy

Sep 30 10, 3:00 am PDT

7
Hi Tina, ever since I stopped consuming anything that contained refined sugar, I’ve felt much better. I realized that a depressed mood can easily push you into “looking for reasons” for why it’s there to begin with, when really, it’s just a neurochemical reaction to eating the “wrong food”.

Having said this, I also realize that there’s a significant psychological or spiritual component to mood creation. There’s some good emotional releasing techniques out there (EFT, EBT, Sedona Method, to name a few) that can benefit anyone looking for greater peace of mind.

A very thoughtful post, Tina. Thanks for baring and sharing.

Christopher
Baykham Keodouangdy

Sep 30 10, 3:11 am PDT

8
Why Stress?

I really enjoyed reading your article on stress. Personally I just over came one in almost a year now. Ever since I found out that the person I was with was not who I thought they were things just went on a down hill spiral. What could go wrong went wrong. I end up having to choose from either dropping school or quitting my job. I chose school so I had no job and lost my apartment.
I fell into a deep depression without realizing i was even stressing. At times blood would just come from my nose and after going to the emergency room and all they could give me was sleeping pills. I wanted stressed pills because i did not want to think anymore. No matter how much i tried to avoid thinking it just seem to come on stronger.
Glancing over at my book shelve i decided to look for something to read ( i enjoy reading a lot). I picked a book by Dr.Phil that i have not read which was just collecting dust on my shelf. I forgot the title of the book, but it was something of preparing yourself for the seven life tragedies that’s bound to happen. What struck me in the book was where he stated that
” Its OK to grieve a lost of a loved one, whether its through death or separation. Allow yourself to grieve but don’t trap yourself fro the world and stop living.”

Those words (may not have quoted correctly) struck me and from then on I told myself that It will get better and that I needed to snap out of the way I was living because I was no good to no one being cooped up for six months in my apartment just me and my thoughts. I was failing school by now and even when I was in class, I was just there and my mind was in space.
I later went on to speak to a counselor and after a couple sessions I just quit. Today I am free from letting stress sit and overwhelm me. And you are right stress will always be there, It’s a process in how you deal with it and it will not go away in a day, sometimes even years if it ever goes away. You have to dig deep and find that inner strength and pull yourself through. Having support would help tremendously, so never turn it down like I did. I never wanted to leave the house.
Furthermore why stress? what does it accomplish? but by just being a mechanism that holds you down and suck life out of you. I know life is full of bumps and bruises and sometimes we cant see stress when it creeps, but in the event that you do, don’t give it life by letting it sit and dwell on you but kick it out of your mind and find something to do and keep busy. It’s more interesting than stress.
Nathalie

Sep 30 10, 5:51 am PDT

9
Isn’t it crazy how we get to feel so ashamed about it? For my part, I feel weak, and mostly because of what people will think or say about me! These last few days I managed to stop ”thinking” and start a little more ”living”…your article comes just at the right time ! Thanks for that.
Jeannette
Sep 30 10, 6:38 am PDT

10
Thank You Tina for being so honest and willing to share your story. It is a very important story to share because many of us have been there (I have!) and think in part to the pressures of societal expectations. In addition to everything you shared two things helped me move forward and out of my own depression. One, letting go of any regrets I had over choices I made long ago and accepting that in that moment I made the best choice I could have. Two, practicing loving kindness to others, meaning be more compassionate towards the life experiences of others which allowed me to have more compassion for myself. It was practice I had to nurture and cultivate daily but it was worth every up and down :)
Mohua Gupta

Sep 30 10, 7:28 am PDT

11
Wonderful !!!!! I fully agree to every word that I have read just now. Thank you so much for gathering all your thoughts together and writing the article. Hope you find the same reflection in my articles. Thank you once again…… Mohua Gupta
Keith
Sep 30 10, 10:12 am PDT

12
Thank you Tina – I love your openness.

As for myself, I’m in a place of aloneness in my life. It’s lasting until I find a new way forward for myself.

When I first lived alone it was wonderful just to have a healthy space to myself after trauma, and be my own man. In the 15 years I’ve grown stronger and probably peaceful, but if I think I’ve almost lost a purpose in being with people then that thought scares me, and I’m being very unfair to myself because it’s not true. I go through ups and downs, particularly since I retired my job last year, but a daughter of mine hints that I must be ‘depressed’.

I’m often aware of the power of labels, and generally avoid them since we our products of our own thinking, & I also felt that ‘depression’ lost it’s power over me when I got that it’s mostly a case of hating our own thoughts.

My Dad passed away 3 weeks ago – peacefully, thankfully, with nothing unresolved. I need to be kind to myself and have faith in our amazing world.
I love following you on twitter X
canali
Sep 30 10, 1:02 pm PDT

13
some of this article is useful and other parts (the universe being a mom and we’re here to learn from pain) is nothing more than quasi pseudo psycho-babble….life is just what is is sometimes…there are not necessarily ”any lessons to be learned” (puh lease)….and life is sometimes not very ‘beautiful’ either…try giving this feel good pablum to a mother who’s daughter (17) was just killed last week when walking in the woods and some person (not yet caught) bludgeoned her to death with a baseball bat…or a gorgeous 4 yr old girl plowed down by a drunk driver…acts of violence or random deaths and injuries happen all the flippin’ time…just antecedents coming together with no great ”lessons” to be learned….instead just heartache and pain to get through.
Uzma

Sep 30 10, 2:22 pm PDT

14
Dear Tina
Thank you for this beautiful article. Depression is hard but like you so rightly said, we can choose our reactions to situations and we can choose not be victims. The power of choice is great isn’t it. Viktor Frankl in Mankinds search for meaning said that the greatest or last human freedom is the ability to choose one’s reaction to a situation.

As I struggle with the unknown striking me down, I know there is wisdom here I cannot see, I trust even though this is hard, where I am.I send gratitude and a prayer to the skies, and I know, all will be well.

God bless you for sharing your words and journey with us. It does make it easier when we travel together.
canali
Sep 30 10, 5:23 pm PDT

15
and tina, while you do put down some good ideas ie meditation, journalling, exercise etc…don’t forget that depression can have very real biological determinants too…and researchers are coming close to a ‘depression’ gene too (or maybe have already)…and those hormones after having a kid or such can cause a real up/down spike so take care of yourself..did’t mean to be ‘too hard’ in my last post, but my point is: sometimes shit happens (wrong place wrong time) and there are no lessons to be learned other than to adapt as best we can…in the sagacious words of stress researcher Hans Seyle, those who are the most adaptable to life’s punches are the most happy…too bad many of us didn’t have great role models of such.
The Vizier

Sep 30 10, 5:39 pm PDT

16
Hi Tina,

As always, you share so much with all of us and I will always be grateful for what you have given. Your stories are a great source of strength and inspiration for me because of your courage in sharing with sincerity.

I too dealt with my fair share of depression in life. The way I cope nowadays is exactly like you said; I just sum it up into one nice mantra. “Focus on the solutions, not the problem.”

It also helps that I have created purpose and meaning in my life. So every waking moment is dedicated towards pursuing my goals. I may face lots of obstacles and difficulties in the process, but because my purpose is so strong, I don’t have time to feel too depressed. I just have to find a way around the obstacle.
Melissa
Sep 30 10, 9:39 pm PDT

17
Absolutely fantastic post! It seems that whatever I may be going through in life the posts that end up in my inbox end up being there just at the right time. I truley think that things happen for a reason and if it was just meant to reach even one person know that it reached me and made me really sit down and think about how I have made the past into my victim story. Allowing my victim story to become my future. My past, something that no longer even exists.

Thank you so much for sharing with us. I look forward to your posts and I hope that everything goes smoothly for you from this point on. We do get to choose how we get to handle the situations that we are dealt. Why choose to be depressed, learn and really try to move on. There is so much happy life to live that doesn’t have time for looking back, only forward.
Danny
Oct 01 10, 6:26 am PDT

18
Thank you for this beautiful article. Depression is hard but like you so rightly said, we can choose our reactions to situations and we can choose not be victims. The power of choice is great isn’t it. Viktor Frankl in Mankinds search for meaning said that the greatest or last human freedom is the ability to choose one’s reaction to a situation.

As I struggle with the unknown striking me down, I know there is wisdom here I cannot see, I trust even though this is hard, where I am.I send gratitude and a prayer to the skies, and I know, all will be well.

God bless you for sharing your words and journey with us. It does make it easier when we travel together.
Travis Webster-Booth

Oct 01 10, 12:35 pm PDT

19
Tina,

The probing questions you outline under step 1 are extremely powerful. That’s exactly the kind of “scarcity thinking” that is very, very good for us.

I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about using memory as a positive anchor, as you mention under step 2. Tony Robbins advocates this technique repeatedly throughout Unlimited Power, a book I just re-read and enjoyed. Although I had some initial resistance to the idea in favor of a “focus on the now, don’t dwell on the past” mentality, I sincerely believe that positive memory anchors can improve our mood and performance in the present.

Finally, the phrase “refill your consciousness tank” is awesome. Like, really awesome.

What an honest and beautiful post.
Another John
Oct 01 10, 4:50 pm PDT

20
Tina – It is so hard to admit depression. I applaud you. It is so misunderstood. And I agree with you that much of the answer lies in the teachings of our religious masters, to wit, focus on the positive, stay in the moment, do the task in front of you, don’t be concerned about what is next. Someone who called themselves Onna wrote that if the personal experience of depression can be so severe it can overshadow personal attempts at being positive. You, Onna, are correct. It can. I know. But Tina is also correct. That is the very hard lesson. I turn the corner, there is a new hole in the street, I walk around the hole instead of falling in, that is the trick, that is the lesson. As you think you will become. Repeatedly remembering this is what works for me. :)
Ama
Oct 02 10, 12:09 am PDT

21
Hi Tina,

yes, we all fall and get up again, even when we feel we reach a stable life (and then it’s soooo hard to feel down again … miserable)
But it’s only for the best, to become more aware of us, of everything.
I discovered “You can heal your life” in very harsh times and it did miracles for me. Among the tools you told, mindful practice also did a very good job, replacing me in the present moment.
If you can’t be surrounded by positive people, surround yourself by positive thoughts and positive books. Philosophy works very well when you feel bad. Makes me feel I am a capable person.
And also moving your body avoids to lock yourself in mental paralysis.

Love from France,

#A~
Rachel

Oct 02 10, 6:14 am PDT

22
Just to be clear–there is a big difference between “feeling down” and depression. Your title to the post alone is dangerous.

One is a temporary state of being, and one is an illness–like MS, bi-polar disorder and having a heart condition. Yes, one can do the work to find a way to LIVE with depression, but I think the “heal thy self” mentality is short sighted and destructive for some.

A wonderful book and resource for people who are ACTUALLY dealing with depression–I would commend Dr. Emmons book “The Chemistry of Joy.” This depression illness–for some, its real, and debilitating. This book is a wonderful help.

Lastly, your “parting words on feeling depressed”:
How about adding Mett? – loving-kindness to the mix. In fact, when we focus only on ourselves and look inward, it can be a dark and devastating rabbit-hole. Go back and read your words. You you you, it all depends on doing nice things for you/yourself. The healing that can come from having compassion, opening oneself to the hurts of others is a viable possibility towards healing and WHOLEness.

I have been a subscriber to your blog for a very very long time, and while I appreciate your vulnerability and the time and thought you must have put into this post, you have lost a reader.

Peace to you.
Tess The Bold Life

Oct 02 10, 11:53 am PDT

23
This is a wonderful honest post filled with hope for others. The one thing you didn’t mention is medication. I know that doesn’t sound holistic and so many people are ashamed to take anything. As a psychologist I believe there are people that can’t climb out of depression without it. I feel we need to give them permission to check into medication and if it works take it without shame.

Many people who are against it drink or smoke pot and don’t see that as self-medicating.
Sunita Saldhana
Oct 04 10, 4:27 am PDT

24
I am normally a very cheerful, optimistic person. But just like you I was unaccountably depressed. Since I am rarely low, I couldn’t deal with this new me. “Truth be told, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. I was ashamed at who I had become. I felt lost. I was struggling with everything and I had to “stand up” again.” These words of yours could be mine. They reflect exactly what I was feeling. Reading your article has helped me tremendously. Thanks a million.
Smiley
Oct 05 10, 7:58 am PDT

25
“Expose yourself to encouraging words of wisdom everyday, I repeat, every single day!”

Thats you Tina! Thanks so much :)
BlackDog
Oct 06 10, 9:26 am PDT

26
I would also like to stress that there is a difference between “feeling depressed” and “depression”. Please be careful about your words. Depression isn’t simply healed (if ever), especially not by being told to stop feeling depressed…
Apart from that – great article.
writergirl
Oct 07 10, 7:08 am PDT

27
tina, thank you for this post and for sharing with us your experiences and how you address them. very helpful info..
Jessie

Oct 12 10, 6:28 am PDT

28
Hi Tina! I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog ( :

Darkness ceases to exist when it is exposed to light… In fact even the smallest light has the ability to peirce through darkness.

Talking about dark feelings is the first step to exposing light into a darkened soul. I’m so glad you shared with us your experience and offered practical solutions to those who are in the same boat as you were
Shivank Gandhi
Oct 15 10, 11:37 pm PDT

29
Thank you for the wonderful information.

Best Regards,
Shivank
Juul
Oct 18 10, 12:35 pm PDT

30
Hello Tina,

I loved your post. On the other hand i still think that depression is an illness which can be treated. This of course depends on “the heaviness” of the depression. I think it would make so many lifes a lot more bearable when using the right medications and treatment. I know this from own experience within my family and friends. With the proper aid from a psychiatrist and family doctor they are now able to lead a “normal” life. We’ve supported them in taking this huge step, knowing they where in such a dark place which eventually seemed impossible for them to escape from. And the constant brooding about what the world would think of them. A burden too heavy to carry around in the end. What would help as well is when the world would try and accept that depression is an illness. Most of us don’t know how to handle people with a depression. I’ve heard so many times that a friend was to heavy to handle. It is accepted for a while but eventually lead to ignoring and avoiding her company. Still, today I’m so happy and thrilled that she found the strength to seek and find the proper help. I’ve seen her changing. She can laugh and have fun again. Even better..she found her man and just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

Hope it isn’t too strong the comment. If you can overcome your depression in the ways you described than that’s great. I recognized and can relate to so many things since i was and am able to realize that it can be a gift and have tried to handle it in that way. I guess i always will. But for some of us this Abyss can be to deep…
arina nikitina

Oct 21 10, 12:31 am PDT

31
Hi Tina! Great post. It should help a lot of people battling depression, anxiety and stress-rooted emotional problems. And yes, it’s so true what Sri Ram said that “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you…” People are often wrapped up with the forces outside of them, instead of ensuring that they are well-equipped to cope with them.

In the end, we need to have calm, positive and learned attitude toward whatever comes our way. Events, people, trials and concerns aren’t for us to decide… but we can truly decide how we go on with life, dealing with all these well, and still be happy inside out.

Cheers, Tina! Keep posting!
Cliff
Oct 21 10, 5:52 pm PDT

32
While I have enjoyed your writings before, depression (true depression, not the “blues”) is a very serious illness and one that will likely need professional help. A lot of depression is “organic” and will respond only to medications. Also there have been great strides in electro-convulsive therapy (ECT) for those who are not able to take medication or for those that medication fails to help. To tell someone who is truly depressed to “meditate”, etc. is good advise but minimizes the seriousness of the illness. Depression can take years to cure. Also, suicide is a very real threat for the depressed person and it has far reaching consequences for the survivors. The best results seem to come from a combination of therapy (meditation, etc.) and medication. I think your advice is good but doesn’t go far enough. And yes, I’ve been there.
Miho
Oct 22 10, 7:55 am PDT

33
@ Rachel, Jesse and Juul:

Thank you for your comments! A few years ago I lost a dear friend who couldn’t face life anymore. Furthermore in Holland where i reside for the moment there was recently a suicide committed by a celebrity. A beautiful young actor with 2 young children, beautiful wife and a promising career. I wish i could have helped my friend with all the self help books you all promote! I thought it was amazing that relatives of the mentioned actor appeared on television, who despite their griefs, had the strength to emphasize how important the discussion of depression is and that a good treatment and proper medications may’be could have saved his life! More important is that they pleaded for more open mindness to depression which they consider an illness.
If you’re not able to see the so called positive things in life, than what good can all these books eventually do?
This might sound harsh but like most of many, many people i also have my moments of “depression”. I try to sleep it off, or try to focus on other things…until my “Off Days” are over..
Please don’t mistake the one for another!

A still grieving replyer
Miho
Oct 22 10, 8:00 am PDT

34
And I forgot to mention Uncle Sam! Thank you all for your visions and beliefs. You helped a lot!
Gemma

Oct 23 10, 11:00 am PDT

35
Thanks for sharing.

I used to have severe bouts of depression too. The last time I had a really bad bout of depression was during 2007. I nearly didn’t survive it. The reason why I used to et depressed was because I refused to accept responsibility for my situation and I refused to accept that I needed to suffer. But what got me through it was a glimmer of hope, and over the next couple of years, I reflected a lot, did a lot of introspection and changed the way I thought, the way I perceived, and accepted that I needed to suffer in order to grow. I needed to allow myself to suffer, to learn from the suffering. Now, I don’t get depressed, and I know I never will get clinically depressed again as long as I continue to accept whatever I experience (that is, to remove all inner resistance). I hope all of that made sense!
Michelle C
Oct 25 10, 2:18 pm PDT

36
As someone working on personal growth, and as a family doctor who treats many people with depression and anxiety, I appreciate your words, Tina. No matter what has happened to us in the past, and no matter what illnesses burden us, we always have a choice.

It seems that you have struck a chord that some of your commenters do not want to hear. By empowering people to change the way they feel by changing the way they think, you are robbing them of the role as a victim of depression.

Depression stems from various factors that are intertwined: neurotransmitters, physiology, life situations, behaviour, thoughts, and feelings. You can’t change one without changing the others. So even if you feel too lousy to go for a walk, if you force yourself to do it, you can improve your mood, sleep, and energy. And relying on medications alone will not lift you out of depression. Patients on maximum doses of multiple anti-depressants will not get better, or stay better, until they change their thinking and behavior. This is why cognitive-behavior therapy prevents relapses more than anti-depressants alone.

Tina, your words are completely valid for everything from “the blues” to severe depression. Sure, with more severe depression you will need medications to enable people to do the mental healing they need to do. I do not write a prescription for depression or anxiety medications without talking to my patients about mindfulness at the same time.
Gemma

Oct 25 10, 2:32 pm PDT

37
@Michelle C,

/applause

I totally agree with what you are saying about changing other things. I’m not a medical doctor (or a doctor of any sort) but even I understand that the body responds to our emotions, our thoughts, etc. The body responds to negativity as well as positivity. Also, take into account, the Law of Attraction, as well as Karma.

I suggest people read, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and Energy Work by Robert Bruce. Also, either watch The Secret on DVD or read the book.
Cliff
Oct 25 10, 4:12 pm PDT

38
I think you guys are missing the point. Depression can be a VERY serious problem and not one to be taken lightly. Unfortunately in our society we believe that if you “think” the right thoughts or “read” the right books you can cure yourself (in alot of “mild” cases you can). However, depression has a certain “stigma” attached to it where most people think (although they would never admit it) it is the patient’s fault for not “thinking right”, not reading their Bible enough, or some other inane fault. I have found that most people who give advice on depression either have never had it or never had a loved one who has had it. I have literally seen patients so depressed that they cannot talk, barely move and certainly could not “read” a book. After one 15 minute ECT treatment, they are sitting up talking, LAUGHING, etc. It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I’m not referring to “Michelle C” above (I don’t know you) but most family physicians get the bare minimum of training in psychiatry and are pretty clueless when it comes to treating major depressive episodes. Most of the patients they see have mild cases that usually get better on their own with or without medication. Irreguardless, if you have a loved one suffering from depression it is vitally important that they be monitored to see if it is getting worse or if they ruminations of hurting themselves. If they are you should get them evaluated by the best psychiatrist you can find. This is serious stuff guys. The depressed person really doesn’t think like you do, so don’t expect them to act like you. (thank you for the soap box!)
Michelle C
Oct 26 10, 4:59 pm PDT

39
Thank you, Gemma.

Cliff, Rachel, et al – No one (certainly neither Tina nor I) has said that depression is not a very serious problem or illness. I don’t think either of us would be devoting so much thought to it if we took it lightly. No one is denying the role of medications, psychiatric follow-up, or even ECT. No one is even claiming that you can meditate or wishfully think your way out of depression.

Tina wrote about some tools to help treat depression. She did not say that she wrote a comprehensive review of all treatments of depression. If you interpreted that from her writing, then that is over-generalization and all-or-nothing thinking on your part. If you encourage a kid to stand up for himself, or you teach a woman self-defense, are you implying that you would blame them if they were bullied or raped? Of course not. Similarly, Tina’s words are no more “dangerous” or “destructive” than such empowering messages.

As for “credentials” – I too was depressed many years ago – complete with hospitalization on a psych ward. There was talk of starting ECT just before I started to get better. And no, I do not think that it was some mental or moral weakness that caused me to be ill. As I said before, there are many factors that go into depression. Neurotransmitters are definitely part of it. I know what it’s like to be in an almost catatonic state, as Cliff described. Luckily people forced me to talk, forced me to get dressed, and forced me to walk. These actions did not cure my depression by themselves, but I’m sure that they worked synergistically with the medications. I wish I knew then what I do now about the power of the mind and the choices that I had the power to make.

Depression is a mental illness that is episodic in nature. It does not have to be major part of anyone’s identity.

As for training, the patients that I have seen in training include a man who drank 5 scotch each night after his best friend went missing and was presumed to have committed suicide after a long search in the community. A mother of an infant and toddler who contemplated stabbing herself when she was cutting turkey at a holiday dinner. A man in the intensive care unit who wished he had not been rescued after slashing his neck (cutting through 2 major vessels and his throat). None of these people would have gotten better without medications and close follow-up. All of them benefited from coaching about self-care, positive thinking, and mindfulness.

So yeah, depression – whether clinically “mild”, “moderate”, or “severe” – is damn serious. And it affects many people, not just the person with the diagnosis. That’s why we need to tackle it from multiple angles. It’s easy to write and take a prescription for anti-depressants. But medications only target one small piece of the puzzle. I’m glad that Tina has shed light on some other pieces. These *pieces* (again, no one is claiming that it is the whole picture) are the tools that build resilience and prevent relapses and recurrences.
Anon
Dec 05 10, 9:40 am PDT

40
These are tips for overcoming negativity, which does give them value, but they have nothing to do with depression. Depression is not about dwelling on problems or about having a bad attitude. As Cliff said, it’s a very serious illness, also one of the most over-diagnosed, both by physicians and self-diagnoses, which leads to everyone believing they are an expert on the subject. Unless you’re well-versed in brain chemistry, you’re not an expert.
Gemma
Dec 06 10, 2:24 am PDT

41
I suppose you consider yourself an expert too, Anon? Because if you was an expert then you would know that brain chemistry is only a part of the issue!
Storage Toronto

Dec 10 10, 12:10 am PDT

42
A few years back i had a terrible spell of depression, and i even started taking prescription medication to try to fix the problem. This didn’t help me at all, infact in some cases i even felt it made it worse. I eventually went to visit a natrualpathic doctor, and she gave me the best advice i have ever recieved:
A good exercise regime and a healthy diet really helped me break free from my depression.
bob

Dec 13 10, 6:09 am PDT

43
Tina,

I am glad you were able to bounce back. Unfortunately, being a bit blue is normal, since it is one of our basic emotions. but, I think you need to be careful giving the advice like this, since Clinical Depression is very different from a feeling of being blue.

Clinical Depression is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, and does seem to have a genetic link. It is something that does have to be treated. People cannot just snap out of it.
kevin blumer

Jan 08 11, 2:36 pm PDT

44
when i feel depresed or really down even thou it in my personality with having BPD i have to have a self belief that things are going to get better and i try to think of good things and then i look at some of my worst times so i allways think i had worse days it really helps me
Theo
Jan 23 11, 2:14 am PDT

45
It’s 5:11 AM. I’ve been awake all night. This is the second night in a row I haven’t slept.

I *want* to break free, I so want to be free of sadness but every time I come up for air the pain and anxiety of the past year comes rushing back and pulls me under.

I don’t want to live in the past. But I can’t catch my breath and I can’t escape it. It’s a black hole.

My father died about eight months ago, just over two weeks after the physicians had determined that his body was overwhelmed with cancer. When I last saw him, it was after a heart attack – they didn’t find him until maybe ten minutes after he fell out of the hospital bed. So he was brain dead. He wasn’t even there any more – all that was left was a fluid bloated shell.

Several months later, my wife and I finally sold our house – I had been unemployed for the longest stretch ever (and still am), and she had been unemployed for a couple months. That was both pain and grace – better than foreclosure, but so sad.

And very shortly after that, my wife of five years left me. She was my best friend and companion, but she said she didn’t feel authentic living as a straight person. I respect that, I want her to be well, but I cannot tell you how much I miss her. My father’s death was the greatest pain and loss I knew until that morning she told me she needed a divorce.

Last week we declared bankruptcy. I should see it as the tactical business decision it is, but all I see is that I failed.

And now I feel paralyzed. Loss of will. And really frightened. I want to die, just let it all go, but I don’t want to cause pain for my mom, sister, soon to be ex-wife, and others. But I can’t take this much longer.

That’s the most I’ve been able to write in a long time, and to persons unknown to me, on a random-to-me blog in the middle of the night.
Tina Su

Jan 23 11, 6:10 pm PDT

46
@Theo

Thank you so much for sharing. I feel it through your voice.
Things will get better. Sometimes, when we hit rock bottom, there isn’t anywhere else we can go but up. Hang in there.

-Tina
Michelle C
Jan 23 11, 7:03 pm PDT

47
Theo,

Sorry to hear about all that you’re going through. Everything looks dark right now, but this too, will pass. Please fight the urge to crawl up into a ball in a dark hole, and reach out to your supports – your mother, your sister, your friends. And your doctor – s/he may not seem like a support person to you, but that’s part of a doctor’s job. Keep reaching out, as you’ve started to do here.
Jennifer
Jan 24 11, 10:09 am PDT

48
Hi Tina. I, too, have been a reader of your blog for quite some time and I have found inspiration in the past. I read this post because of its title and found myself frustrated and honestly, a bit angry. I’ve read through all the comments, so I’ll try not to be repetitive, except to reiterate that there is a physical difference between feeling depressed and being Depressed (this is a new finding based on research recently completed: Depression is a physical illness that manifests itself emotionally).

I have been surviving Treatment Resistant Depression for 16 years. I’ve worked with some of the very best experts in the field, yet no medication/medication combo, unilateral & bilateral ECT, multiple hosptalizations, ongoing therapy (many types) have been able to keep me in a 30%-45% remmission state for more than 3-4 months (this happened once). My Depression is worsening again and although I know how strong I am (multiple doctors have told me most people would have been dead two years into what I was & continue to live with), have a strong support network, have journaled daily for over 18 years, practice yoga & meditation, make my art (I’m a sculptor), do my very best to stay in the moment, the despair, fluctuating with utter emptiness (not good emptiness, emptiness of the soul) is taking over. Again.

While I appreciate your tips, along with some of the others (Michelle C), they are mainly geared to those who are able to get up out of the chair, have memories that aren’t stained by abuse, are depressed because of something they are worried about something that they can’t control, etc. Michelle C, you state that even if you feel too lousy to go for a walk, you have to force yourself to get up and do it. You talk about having someone help you/pull you up out of the chair for that walk. You talk about choices: choices in the thoughts we focus on, choices in the actions we take. What does one do when the depression is so bad there is no energy to force oneself out of the chair? And if there was it would be dangerous because, as you know (I’m inferring) someone with that level of depression, given energy, is very, very likely to attempt suicide, hence the warnings on anti-depressants that suicide can be a “side-effect” or risk factor: the highest risk time-frame for someone with depression is when an anti-depressant begins to work because it is then that the person begins to have increased energy, yet still feels depressed. So, he or she can now use that energy to actually act on the impulses to commit suicide that have been inside for which previously there was no energy. What does one do when there is no to help you out of the chair? What does one do when the emptiness is so all-encompassing that there are no thoughts? What does one do when the doctors, yoga teachers, and meditation gurus (I do not use that term pergoratively), one-by-one, throw their hands up and say, “I just don’t know anymore. I don’t have anymore suggestions”?

I am aware of the neuroscience, psychology, genetics, etc. behind depression, and yes, when someone is experiencing a certain level of remmitance, that person should absolutely do everything in his or her power to change destructive thought patterns and behaviors in order to create new, healthier ones. When a person cannot move, when no amount of “Come on Jen, you can do it. Just stand up” can begin to break through the miles deep, miles high iron wall of severe depression surrounding a person, the best thing to do is sit, but try to sit in a gentle state.

Tina, I, too, believe there is a lesson in my journey with the demons. Forgiveness? Acceptance? Openness? I don’t know, yet. I thought I did, but a funny thing about life’s lessons: we often have to re-learn them time and time again. Just when you think you have it figured out, it finds it’s way to trip you up once again. For me, okay, so I fall again. I’ve fallen before and survived it. I’ve fallen hard, tripped while trying to get up, and fallen farther down that rock rabbit hole, and survived that. I pray I can continue to survive, and soon, once again continue to learn, walk with peace and a gentle heart, reach out to others in need….

Perhaps your lesson has to do with nuance. Specifically, to understand the difference between feeling depressed and being depressed, know that the former can easily lead to the latter, and there are no easy answers to an individual”s life. It’s easy to make generalities, and often these are helpful, but, please just be careful because someone looking for relief from depression may read your post, know deep in his or her soul that what you say will stop the feelings isn’t even near possible at this point in time, feel a familiar sense of failure and hopelessness deepen, and do something terrible. Or perhaps not. I don’t want to presume what lessons you need to learn in your life. I do want you to be mindful.

Michelle C., just one more thing: please don’t assume that Tina has “struck a chord that some of your commenters do not want to hear. By empowering people to change the way they feel by changing the way they think, you are robbing them of the role as a victim of depression,” by those of us who are expressing concern or criticism. That seems to be an easy answer to a complex issue. I have to wonder why you felt the need to lump us into such a simplistic group of people who are not mindful, intelligent, educated, and are not doing all we can to change the way we feel every single day? I wonder why or how you can consider we would feel robbed if we no longer had the role of victim of depression without ever having met any one of us? Quite the diagnosis and prognosis being made by a doctor, one whom I’m thankful is not mine. I apologize if that sounds harsh, just calling it like I see it. FYI: most of the people I’ve met who have depression do not consider themselves victims: they refer to themselves as survivors who are trying to become thrivers.

Peace.
Michelle C
Jan 27 11, 6:38 pm PDT

49
Jennifer: Thanks for sharing your thoughts about my merit as a doctor. To prevent a battle of egos with you, I will not respond directly to your questions or comments. I choose to save my energy for my patients, and pay attention to their feedback about my role in helping them change their lives.

Some people identify strongly with their disease. For others, their diagnosis, handicap, or limited prognosis is an after-thought. I am inspired by the patient who embraces life despite an unexpected diagnosis of metastatic cancer, by the graduate student who is working on her anxiety and does not complain about her multiple sclerosis, and by the amputee who runs races on his prosthesis instead of suing for the mishaps that led to the amputation. This isn’t a competition about how physical, how severe, or how incapacitating any disease (or life situation for that matter) is – it’s about whether the mind (or maybe more accurately, no-mind, as Jon Kabat-Zinn would say) can modulate our response.

But what do I know, what does Tina know? Want to hear it from someone with more wisdom and credibility? Take it up with Eckhart Tolle, who said,

“You cannot be both unhappy and fully present in the Now.”

Or Dr. Viktor Frankl, who said,

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Santosh
Jan 27 11, 11:42 pm PDT

50
An amazing article. It was like going back to the basics. Sounds simple than it actually is. I accidently stumbled across this page and it was really worth it. Thanks.
brokenvows
Feb 01 11, 5:53 pm PDT

51
Thank you for writing this article.It enlightened my clouded judgement on how to deal with things that i’m suffering at present time.I never expected that i will be in this state. Depression is not included in my vocabulary. But then, thank you, i realized, that i’m really depressed and yes, i can overcome this too…I needed time to heal the wounds of betrayal from a man that i did truly love. I believe that things happened for good reasons. But then, accepting the reality and forgiving the person who hurts me are so difficult to do right now…But yes, i’m willing to accept, to forgive and forget in due time…Thanks again.
moni-lisa
Apr 16 11, 7:57 pm PDT

52
Dear Tina, thank u so much for this wonderful article! I also think feeling sad or weired is a sign which, if u read that sign, shows u that it´s time to change sth in your life. The good thing I always tell myself is: the bad feeling doesn´t last for long, like everything else. This already gives me relief and with a bit of distance to the problem ( like u wrote by meditating) it feels easier to overcome it.

All the best :)
Monica B.
Apr 25 11, 7:44 pm PDT

53
This is good advice for people who might be experiencing a mild bout of the “blues”…but it is not helpful for people with severe depression.

This is a temporary “quick fix” solution at best. I mean no disrespect, Tina. I can see that you mean well. You write beautifully, too. But this seems to be a simplistic solution to a rather serious problem. Major depressive disorders cannot be cured by deep breathing or a trip to Starbucks. I’m happy that it worked for you. But for those of us with severe symptoms of depression, it will take a lot more to improve the quality of life. I hope I don’t sound rude. That isn’t my intention. I respect what you have to say, even if I don’t always agree. :)

At 27 years old, I’ve battled depression for most of my life. If I could do something about it, I would. But there seems to be very little that I can do. That isn’t an excuse. It’s the truth. Lately I want to drift into a deep sleep and never wake up.

Michelle C…I find it interesting that your response to Jennifer was so condescending, especially since you claim to be a doctor. Perhaps you are unable to empathize or understand just how debilitating depression can be. Not everyone has the ability to press on with life the way you believe they should. Your attitude reminds me of my last therapist. I stopped seeing her because she was obviously too full of herself to be of any real help to me. I have been suffering mentally and emotionally for years. You claim that you were once hospitalized because of depression. Well, then, you should be able to relate to the pain experienced by people like myself and Jennifer. You know what it’s like…so why do you act as if your credentials are more relevant than somebody else’s feelings? Mindfulness is a wonderful concept but it is not enough to overcome years of mental/emotional anguish.
Monica B.
Apr 26 11, 9:23 am PDT

54
BTW, Michelle C…those examples you provided are lovely and inspirational but you know what? Not everyone can be a hero or a martyr. We are only human. Depression is a serious illness, especially if it goes untreated and the people around you don’t notice or care about your mental/emotional state.

You also failed to mention that unlike cancer and multiple sclerosis, depression still carries a stigma. This is why some people hide their pain. They don’t want to be viewed as “crazy” or out of control because that is how society tends to view people like me. Depression can lead to suicide. It is a real problem.

Eckhart Tolle and Viktor Frankl were both very wise individuals, but those quotes do not apply in this situation. Depression cannot simply be overcome by the power of the mind in some cases. My former therapist also suggested that it could be…it is clear that she was ill-equipped to help me. Come on, deep breathing techniques when I was wanting to die?! Seriously. If that works for you, fine. But there is no way in the world that a few breathing tricks could ever make things better in my life.

Please do not invalidate or minimize other people’s pain. Sometimes I barely have the strength to comb my hair, eat a meal, shower, or clean my apartment. Sometimes I have unrelenting thoughts of death. Sometimes I can’t block out painful memories. I am not making excuses or playing the victim, as some people (like my former therapist) have suggested. I am living with an illness caused by a number of factors…heredity, environment, abuse, and trauma.

I am not here to be an inspiration to you or share any “feel-good” stories. I, like Jennifer and anyone who has ever suffered from a major depressive disorder, am simply a person who is trying to do the best she can in life. I am trying to survive. I am trying to live a happier, more fulfilling life despite my pain. That is all anyone can ask.

And Tina did not write in a condescending way, unlike yourself. She simply shared her experience and what worked for her. Although I don’t quite agree, I see that she is a very caring person who tries to help…and her advice is very beneficial to some people.
Gavin

May 04 11, 2:15 am PDT

55
The nature of life is that we can like it or hate it. If we hate it we have the choice to end it. If we like it we have the choice to explore it. Isn’t that so KISS, keep it simple, stupid!
What is life?
Cells replicating, DNA blueprint on every cell being carried day by day. Don’t like the energy? Take a packet of pills to alter the energy frequency of those cells and they will stop vibrating the pulse of life. How cool is that??? Wow, we have a choice. There is ‘however’ attached to the choice. However you choose to alter the frequency of your vibrations here does not absolve the imbalance of frequency carried over to the new order. You see, energy does not die. It only changes form.
So why not try and work it out whilst here!
mara
May 16 11, 10:49 pm PDT

56
Thank you! I am glad I ran into your site.. I have been battling with depression lately. It is all new & unknown territory to me.. but reading this has helped me remember who I am.
Love to all ?
Alina
May 17 11, 1:15 pm PDT

57
To those suffering from depression:

Someone wrote earlier that nothing makes you feel good when you are in a deep black hole, no yoga, no meditation, no piece of cake or starbucks will bring you that sense of security and happiness.. nothing..

I have been fighting depression for 8 months now… the first 4 months were the worst and all of the above applied. i quite my new job in banking (after only 4 months in the role) and decided to move in with my parents and focus solely on reading Louise L Hay and alike. It was a tough path at the beginning, taking that chose to pursue a holistic healing approach, but can say that TIME HEALS ALL. Just give yourself loads of love and forgiveness and set your mind on a simple desire – I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY. Its a slow start but it worked for me.. Then day after day, try and work on positive affirmations and make sure you are surrounded with love and compassion.. Time will heal it all..
notwithwhatimsharing
May 21 11, 6:11 am PDT

58
Well…
I went to prison for basically nothing. I’ve been mislabled in the press. While locked up my partners did some bad stuff and ran my businesses into the ground so I’m now facing millions of dollars in judgements that are about to happen and I can’t declare bankruptcy for two years. My ex who took off on me when I got locked up, hooked up with me when I got out and then decided to screw with my head and is playing mind games with me. One of my brothers did not contact me the entire duration of my incarceration. I have almost no friends(prison does that). I’m living in a halfway house. I met my po last week and she absolutely hates me. She wouldn’t shake my hand in our first meeting and made all sorts of accusations that were untrue. I’ve got five years under her supervision.
So why am I sharing this. All of that stuff you mentioned sounds nice. But all meditation will do is possibly break for the moment, but all of that stuff doesn’t change. I know about doing this one step at a time, one day at a time, compartmentalizing, etc. But my probs are very long term and there’s really no way out of them. Journaling just reminds me of all the crap I feel horrible about. I excercise regularly, eat right, and all that. It doesn’t make a difference. My issues are real.
Try telling somebody in a concentration camp to go to starbucks and people watch, or do yoga. Come on.
I think that stuff works for regular people with regular problems like I don’t make as much as I’d like to, or I owe a couple thousand on my credit cards, or I need to lose a few pounds, or I can’t get rid of this zit, or I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I don’t get enough sleep any night.
Whatever. My problem is not a chemical imbalance in my body. I was not depressed before I got locked up, I loved my life back then. This new existence is miserable and it’s circumstancial. The circumstances are making it what it is. Those circumstances are not changing.
So what do you prescribe for me? Yoga and Starbucks?
Any comments would be appreciated.
Steve
May 23 11, 4:04 pm PDT

59
This was a wonderful read and really cheered me up out of quite a dark mood :)
shruti
Jun 08 11, 11:04 am PDT

60
hey tina,
your posts and blogs are really worth many billions. they are priceless. they can just change one’s mindset without any effort. I know that the change lies within ourselves and also that its us – our mind that should decide to stay happy then only happiness can embrace us. But one important thing is that we tend to depend our happiness so much around the people in our daily life like our friends that we tend to find our happiness in them. If they become angry with us or sad for not acting or behaving as per their whims they start ignoring us, and we remain quite and get depressed day and night that what wrong could have i done. Its like they want us to beg in front of them for forgiveness and we are so light hearted that we do so no matter it was their fault. How to handle such situations where we are in war with our loved ones and with ones who make you and define you?
Mox
Jun 26 11, 5:45 am PDT

61
Hi Tina,

While your advice is pretty cheesy, I’m at a point of self destruction to where as gay as meditation and yoga are I’m willing to give it a go. It can’t be worse than my own remedies. Thank you for sharing what works for you.
lystia
Jun 30 11, 1:20 pm PDT

62
I sat in my office feeling terrible – like my world was imploding.. I read this article and somehow I started to feel a little better. Better enough not to spiral into an abysmal depression.
Tina Su

Jul 01 11, 9:09 am PDT

63
That makes me happy. Thank you for letting me know.
You’ll get through it.

Warmly,
Tina
Gail Roberts

Jul 17 11, 11:26 pm PDT

64
Like Lystia, I read Tina’s article and somehow began to feel better. I’d never come upon this site before and it made me feel much better to know that I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t so much what Tina and different folks wrote, there are some amazing insights written here, but this sharing of the struggle is healing also..

One of the things that I’ve come across consistently in looking at “Depression as disease” is the fact that no scientist/psychiatrist/neurologist has ever come across the actual physiological evidence or proof of a biochemical basis for depression. This biomedical model has made our prescription drug industry the richest in the history of commerce. The revenues of our drug industry surpass the oil and defense industries combined. And now there does seem to be evidence that antidepressants can cause homicidal and suicidal impulses.

I’ve noticed within myself the huge amount of anger that is usually present in depression and this anger won’t allow any positive feelings inside, and then healing isn’t possible.

The idea of a biomedical basis for depression can rob the experience of any meaning! There is so search within the soul or spirit to find what can liberate and empower us.
knows it
Aug 24 11, 3:05 am PDT

65
hi i would like to state that one can do brahma vidya,omkaar and eat fish oil tablets to get out of defpression.
sm
Sep 12 11, 9:49 pm PDT

66
Hi Tina,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m struggling with depression and intense emotions (I fear negative ones are more intense than positive) and I was wondering how you came about dealing with it in specific moments of hurt, and consequent anger.
Eric
Sep 19 11, 8:38 am PDT

67
Hey Tina,
Great article. I’m happy that I read this and that other people are going through the same thing I am. Hope ur advice works. Thanks!!
Natasha
Sep 27 11, 6:47 pm PDT

68
I have found myself reading your article this afternoon and im sorry to say that is was the light weight title ‘How I Stopped Feeling Depressed’ that caught my attention.
However i found reading the comments really interesting. I am someone who has supported my mother through manic depression and i have myself been through and overcome depression. I have a strong belief on the importance and positive viewpoint of using medication. It is a means to bringing a depressed person back to state of functioning so that they are emotionally strong enough to make changes themselves- it surprises me how controversial this issue is, mental illness should be given as much regard as physical illness. Although sadly there is still a stigma around mental illness in general, your article is a start in getting peoples reactions/opinions and i see this as a positive step in the right direction. The more openly discussed mental illness is, the more people will understand how it affects a persons life. An experience that is debilitating to say the least and i believe can not be simply corrected by ones favourite coffee or reading an inspirational quote. Nice if that were the case, but this life, slightly more complex.
Thank you for your article however. You have some interesting points.
david edwards

Dec 11 11, 1:08 pm PDT

69
I have been having break downs for a long while and I know were you are coming from.I would just like to tell you this is the greatest site I have been lucky enough to stumble on.I have been looking for months for a site like this as I have found myself in a dark place for about a year.Thank you so much for finding the time and not charging for you infinet wisdom.I will let you know how things go.I started meditating for about a week now and I have found a calmness that I cant explain but i know its doing me good.THANKS AGAIN. DAVID PEACE BE WITH YOU.x.
david edwards

Dec 11 11, 1:18 pm PDT

70
I would like to tell you also that I eat chocolate every night and not just a bit I wonder if its that that makes me feel the way I do anxous and my stomache turns like if I am going to have a fight with some one.Chocolate I feel has helped me cope with my depression as I dont feel so lonely when I am consuming it.
DODO777

Dec 15 11, 7:12 am PDT

71
Last week I couldnt of felt any more depressed with my health not up to scratch.The last couple of days though my thoughts seem more clear even though I have only a couple of hundred left in the bank and my hoover just blown i do feel a bit better.I still havent shaved or bathed this last week.My sons board is on saterday I am worried about that as the government wants to cut peoples benefits and we are struggling to live now.We my son and I are freezing most days and that can waigh heavy on ones mind.I want myself back but its going to take ime like you said.I cut down on eating so much chocolate but with christmas here that will be hard as I bought a box of chocolates ready.I just cleaaned my house I cant believe I left it go so much.My mother is having a couple of good few weeks as she just had chemo.I have got to make time to meditate as it is easy to to pass when you have things to do.O well more washing to put in the machine I hope that doesnt break down
Cassie
Jan 05 12, 8:15 am PDT

72
I exposed myself once….. got arrested. i would remove that as advice to get over depression.
NADJA

Mar 21 12, 9:34 am PDT

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hi
Am nadja i want to share something that is happening to me . I don’t know if am right or wrong but i want an idea to get out of this. am facing a difficult life and i can’t survive it anymore i feel am on the border line . all that i know they are using and abusing my help. they are like a cheap family can do anything to hurt you. i can’t move out of it , but i should if not i will bury myself.
English Carmouche
Mar 21 12, 7:31 pm PDT

74
How do you make something negative into positive energy. When your mind won’t allow you to think any other way but on what’s going on in front of you. When you don’t have the positive answer and you wait for some spiritual response when in fact there’s no voice you can compherhed.
gill
May 09 12, 2:00 am PDT

75
Easy to write this sort of thing after the event. I hoped to find something new to help me. Same old, same old.
Preena

May 16 12, 4:42 pm PDT

76
thank you so much for sharing this. im always battling negative thoughts especially about my achievements in life and my appearance. Constantly putting myself down is getting really tiring and frustrating and Im trying to look for ways to stop it. Ive tried meditating but a lot of the time i just get bombarded with thoughts and can’t relax. Ill keep trying so hopefully i get better at it. Thank you again, im so glad i read this, it has really inspired me to get better
Miriam Portilla
Nov 16 12, 1:12 pm PDT

77
Thanks for this article… it was inspirational. I often wish I could do things but I can not drive and my ex left me with 3 small children… I am a happy person and put on a smile at work for the world to see but inside I feel alone, stuck and unhappy. I have no family willing to watch my kids as they either live too far or have multiple kids themselves. I want to go do things but with three kids on a bus it is difficult. What can you suggest if anything.
Steven
Dec 20 12, 12:22 pm PDT

78
Well I must say I fell across this artical, due to feeling a little down and lonley. But the fact of the matter is that it is through choice. I dont want to go out but I dont want to stay in either. It is alittle like i hate being alone but hate people. We interprept what we think as feelings in the most part, its how we work, and if you fall into the negative cycle then down you go, and while not depressed myself I could get worse and worse until it became life threatening, been there.

Lets be fair, there is no cure. Just different states of joy and one persons happy could be either total sadness or complte bliss to someone else.

Great post and good advice for a great many people if not everyone, but what do I know, I’m only human.
Jon

Mar 25 13, 1:19 am PDT

79
I find that in switching off to what happened and managing to stop worrying about it I seem to have lost that ability to get started with things.
Its almost like I’ve got really bad (or is it good) at delaying things till the last second. Food needs doing so it gets done when its required but I can live without sorting the garden or completing the decorating for example, I am aware such things need doing but it just seems to get left. In switching off to the past I almost seem to have lost my conscience for what I ought to be doing or even the ability to take pleasure or enjoy. I can see how what your article recommends is good, its just how do I manage to kick-start myself for each activity?
Can you recommend anything?

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[How To] Stop Feeling Depressed | Making Memories - Sep 29 10
7 Ways For You to Be the Best You That You Possibly Can Be « How To Become A Better You in 365 Days - Sep 30 10
Mind is Everything « Just Chillin … - Sep 30 10
This is The Time for This. « Pixel Juggernaut - Oct 04 10

Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life

How I Stopped Feeling Depressed

3 Steps to Live Consciously & Stop Feeling Depressed

Step 1: Stop Creating Problems

Step 2: Focus on What Makes You Happy

Step 3: Refill Your Consciousness Tank

Parting Words on Feeling Depressed

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