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20 Ways to Be Grateful

Editor’s Note: This is a guest contribution by Daniel Wong

I work as an engineer, and I recently returned to the office after a one-week break.

I checked my e-mail inbox: 100 unread e-mails. A sense of dread washed over me. “There goes the next four hours of my life responding to e-mails,” I thought.

Reading those 100 e-mails made me sad. Not one of them was written with the intention of expressing gratitude or encouragement! All of them were focused on customer complaints that needed to be addressed and problems that needed to be fixed.

Even if the e-mail contained a “thanks,” it was written as “tks.” Am I not worth the one extra second it would have taken to spell out “thanks” in full?

Of course, one possibility is that I don’t produce any good work at all, so there’s no reason for anyone to thank me. But I’d like to think that’s not the case.

After talking to my co-workers, I realized that I’m not the only one who feels like I receive far too few e-mails that are positive and encouraging.

But if negative e-mails are all I get, someone has to be sending them, right? Someone needs to send an e-mail in order for someone else to receive it. So if I wanted to read more positive e-mails, I first needed to ask myself: Do I send e-mails to thank and encourage other people?

I’m embarrassed to admit that the honest answer is “Not nearly often enough.”

This is a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black. But I’m happy to say that I’ve since made a strong commitment to change that.

Being Grateful Isn’t Natural

Going out of our way to show appreciation isn’t something that comes naturally to most of us. It’s much easier to complain about people who upset us, who don’t follow through on their promises, or who behave irresponsibly.

It’s completely natural for us to focus on our frustrations and problems, instead of on what we have to be grateful for.

But hey, if we only did what came naturally to us, we’d spend all of our time watching TV, reading trashy magazines and eating fast food. This, I’m sure, is not how you aspire to live.

If you want to find real and lasting happiness, you’ll have to do many things that aren’t “natural.” One of those things is being grateful. Not just kind of grateful or pretty grateful. I’m talking about being extravagantly grateful.

We need to turn gratitude into a lifestyle.

I’m not merely referring to the e-mails you send. I’m referring to the way you view life. Once you decide that life is full of abundance, you’ll begin to see that there’s a lot for you to be thankful for.

If you’re serious about making gratitude a lifestyle, I have some ideas to help you out. Here’s a list of 20 things you can start doing today to express your gratitude and to become a more appreciative person:

1. Say it in person

    It’s usually best to say “thank you” in person. Do it in private often, and do it in public even more often. There’s no better way to make someone feel appreciated than to say “thank you” publicly.

    2. Call

      In this day and age when we’re so connected, let’s make use of this connectedness to appreciate someone, especially if you’re miles apart.

      3. Write a note

        If, for some reason, it’s not appropriate to say “thank you” in person or over the phone, handwritten notes are a good alternative. They might seem old-fashioned, but they’re still an effective way to show your sincerity.

        When I was in college, I wrote a thank-you note to a professor who had shown exceptional dedication to teaching. I thought I was making his day by giving him the note, but his e-mail reply two days later made my day:

        Daniel, I wanted to thank you for your note. Although we are all paid to do a job, the reality is that we should be motivated by internal goals, and the positive feedback from you (in particular) means a great deal to me.”

        4. Send a text

          If you don’t have time to write a note, at least send a text message. It won’t take you more than a couple of minutes.

          5. Write an e-mail

            Use e-mail to compliment your co-worker on a job well done, to thank your friend for being a blessing to you, or to tell a former teacher how he or she has inspired you.

            You’ll probably receive some kind words in return, too.

            6. Give the person a hug

              A hug is a great way to express your thanks. Almost everyone appreciates a sincere hug!

              7. Write a poem

                It doesn’t have to be long, and it definitely doesn’t have to be of Shakespearean quality. The other person will be touched by your thoughtfulness.

                8. Buy a gift

                  It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something to show that you’re thinking about them. Even something simple, like a book or a souvenir, says a lot.

                  9. Buy the person dinner

                    This is a gesture that communicates a great depth of friendship and genuineness. If you’re a good cook, making dinner is an even better option.

                    10. Surprise the person


                    Don’t do anything stalker-ish, but if the person is a close friend, pay a surprise visit to his or her house to express your gratitude. If you want to do something more over-the-top, you can even throw a surprise party.

                    11. Record a video

                    Record a video, post it on YouTube, and send the link to the person.

                    12. Create a music compilation

                    Put together a compilation of the person’s favorite music.

                    13. Bake cookies

                    Or a cake. Everyone loves baked goods because they’re yummy, and because a lot of effort and love goes into making them.

                    14. Make some kind of art

                    You can make a picture frame, photo collage, or even some kind of painting or pottery. It’s an inexpensive way to make someone feel important.

                    15. Give them an imaginary award

                    Give the person a made-up award like “Mom of the Year,” “Most Cheerful Administrative Assistant in the World” or “The World’s Most Thoughtful Son.” Slightly cheesy but very meaningful!

                    16. Sing praises to someone close to the person

                    If you want to appreciate your friend, Marianne, tell Marianne’s mom how thoughtful and caring Marianne is. The word will definitely get around.

                    People who care about you deeply will be proud to hear about how you’re impacting the lives of others. In the example above, you can be sure that both Marianne and her mom will feel special.

                    17. Leave an online comment

                    As someone who reads more than 40 blogs regularly, I know it’s easy to read a good post and then immediately move on to something else that interests you.

                    Even if you don’t know the blogger personally, leave a comment if you enjoyed the post. Bloggers, myself included, read every comment they receive. They greatly appreciate it even when strangers compliment them.

                    It’s challenging to consistently produce good content, so bloggers are thankful for all the positive feedback they get.

                    18. Tweet it

                    Thank a blogger using Twitter. If you achieved good results after following a blogger’s advice, tweet him or her about it. If your thinking has been challenged through reading a post, let the blogger know.

                    Also, a retweet is a sure way to make a blogger feel honored.

                    19. Blog about it

                    Complimenting or thanking someone in such a public forum is a fantastic way to show your appreciation. Do an interview with the person and publish the transcript, or write a post about how he or she has made a difference in your life.

                    20. Keep a journal

                    Keep a journal where you write down at least one thing you’re thankful for every day. Doing this is scientifically proven to make you happier. (Check out this paper: Counting Blessings versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-being in Daily Life by Emmons and McCullough.)

                    In addition, when you feel more grateful, you’re more likely to express that gratitude freely.

                    ~ ~ ~

                    Let’s make the world we live in a happier place—one day at a time, one “thank you” at a time.

                    * What can you do in the next few hours to express gratitude for someone? What are some things you’ve done to show someone that you are grateful and how did they respond? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section.

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                    About the Author

                    Daniel Wong is a recent college graduate who currently works as an engineer. He is passionate about helping young adults to maximize their education, career and life. He is the author of The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success, which will be published by Morgan James Publishing by early 2012. You can read his blog at Living Large and find him on Twitter.

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                    64 Responses (64 Comments, 0 Trackbacks ):

                    Comments

                    1. carrie gilbraith

                      1

                      Love this! Thanks so much for sending out such an inspirational message!

                    2. 2

                      Great Article. It takes effort to be greatful.

                      One thing i’ve been seeing lately is that i’m lucky for everything. It’s easy to take things for granted, and we don’t know how lucky we have until it’s gone.

                      The truth is, nobody is obligated to give to us or love us, yet they choose to. Seeing the greatfulness that others give opens me up to see that a lot of people have done a lot for me. They didn’t have to, but they did.

                      I’m thankful for that. I’m also thankful that i can keep myself in balance, and appreciate that which is truly a gift. Turning on the tap of self love involves appreciating that others do love us… and that in turn fills us up, filling our self love pool to the brim.

                      Then, we’re free to give away all the excess love we have spare, creating a true win / win situation.

                    3. 3

                      This was literally the 3rd article about the importance of gratitude that came to me in a one hour period today. Clearly, the Universe is trying to send me a very important message. Thank you for being such an eloquent and convincing messenger. I promise I’m paying attention. Practicing daily gratitude is now one of my New Year’s restrooms.

                    4. 4

                      Thank you, Daniel…for the reminder, and inspiration.

                    5. 5

                      Hi Carrie, thanks for the kind words!

                    6. 6

                      Hey Anthony, I appreciate your sincere sharing. It sounds like you’re a really reflective person who’s gained a lot of perspective on life.

                      I completely agree with you that nobody is obligated to love us, so the fact that people close to us still do is definitely something to be grateful for.

                      Thanks for the reminder that there’s so much beauty in life that we ought to embrace on a daily basis. :)

                    7. 7

                      Nice – a practical list of fun and serious ways to show gratitude…I know even just a simple ‘thanks Fifi’ makes me glow and I try to always remember to say thanks, but sometimes you should do more for true!

                    8. 8

                      Thank you for telling me the million ways to be grateful. I always thought of gratitude as a private spiritual practice but this is a great way of showing it extends out into the world.

                    9. 9

                      This is a perfect message for this time of the year, between Thanksgiving and the New Years, it the holidays remind us about being grateful, giving generously to others that matter to us (not necessarily material things, but giving ourselves to others, and thinking about how we’re going to live a 2012 that is better than 2011.)

                      Nice job Daniel.

                      I’m an engineer myself, but I do a fair amount of customer service.

                      People call looking for a solution to their problem, but often you get the customer that isn’t happy about something and they seem to believe that the best way to get your cooperation and have their problem resolved is is to come across as an irate, demanding person.

                      I usually do my best to let their anger fly right past me and I let them know that we’re going to solve their problem for them. Usually once they hear that, they calm their butts down and become more polite and reasonable. If it’s something that I, or my company, screwed up, I will admit that right up front. Now they even become somewhat empathetic… hey, who hasn’t screwed up things once in a while…

                      By the time that I’m done fixing their problem and telling the the steps to how It’s going to be resolved, they are expressing their gratefulness.

                      I’ve had coworkers say, “Holy crap! That guy was nuts, but you turned him around and now he’s saying he’s going to tell his friends about our great service.”

                      I’ve even had previously angry customers write me emails later to say, “Wow. I’m sorry that I was such a jerk. I really do appreciate how you helped me out today and I’m embarrased that I came of so angry and testy with your company. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to get good service from your company and assumed that I was going to have to put up a fight.”

                      Don’t let the meanies get you down. You have the power to convert them into happy people, and somehow in the process of doing so, you end up feeling pretty good about your job and dealing with a mailbox of “problems”.

                      Again, thanks for sharing and for the suggestions about how to say thanks to people in a meaningful way.

                    10. 10

                      This was exactly what I needed to read today. Sometimes it’s the little gestures that can turn a day around completely… and expressing gratitude in small ways can be so easy as long as we’re thinking about actually doing it!

                    11. 11

                      Thank u for such an inspirational article . Today i followed few steps . I made 3 hand written note cards to say happy holidays to my co-workers . They are not very close but it does not hurt to write few words .To close friends we give so much but to others even a simple note means a lot and we get a chance to listen few positive words . Thank u again for sharing your article .

                    12. 12

                      Thank you Daniel for the great post and timely reminder, especially in this festive season and uncertain world, let’s all remember to be grateful for what we have and show appreciation. Thanks once again!

                    13. Mitali Grover

                      13

                      Thank you for such a nice article….

                    14. 14

                      Jo, I’m glad that I could be part of the Universe’s efforts to make this world a happier place. :)

                    15. 15

                      Hi Mo, thank YOU for making the effort to write a comment!

                    16. 16

                      Finola, I hope you find opportunities to put some of these tips into practice. :)

                    17. 17

                      Hey Sabina, I’m happy to hear that my 20 tips seem like a million. :) Thanks for sharing. You’re right– gratitude should be both private and public!

                    18. 18

                      Hey MarkS, those are some awesome stories! You’re clearly someone who has immense patience, and who doesn’t let his emotions get the better of him in difficult situations.

                      (It’s also cool that you’re an engineer too.)

                      We would all benefit if you shared with us some tips on how to keep your cool even when dealing with unreasonable people!

                    19. 19

                      Nicole, you’re completely right– expressing gratitude doesn’t come naturally to most of us. I definitely need to make an intentional effort to be thankful, if not I’ll just find more things to complain about!

                    20. 20

                      Sonal, I’m so encouraged that you wrote notes to 3 of your co-workers. I’m sure that you made their day. :) You definitely helped to make mine by letting me know that the article was useful to you!

                    21. 21

                      Lawrence, wow– that’s so much gratitude you showed me in just two sentences. Thank you for being so generous with your thanks!

                    22. 22

                      Daniel,

                      I know that I took this off on another tangent, but it’s because you talked about having cranky people contacting you with problems and how it “made you sad”. I don’t want you to be sad, and you don’t have to be sad.

                      As engineers, you and I are problem solvers, so some of this might come naturally to you and I, but here are some tips that I’ve learned after being a software engineer for many years (a field that isn’t known for people with the best social and communication skills), and then having to jump in to do front line customer support as well.

                      The pleasant customers with problems aren’t the issue here.

                      These are my tips for dealing with the “irate” customer emails.

                      1) Focus on the problem the customer (or manager, other employee, etc) needs solved. I’ve gotten support requests that can be summed up like this. “Your $&%&= software is $&^^@ broken!!! I want it fixed NOW!!!!” Where to begin? Whether they state what the problem is explicitly or you have to tease out the details of what the problem is so that you can solve it, that is the real reason for the call or email.

                      2) Empathize with the person a little: “I’m sure this is frustrating for you, but let me take a look into this. Can you give me more details on the …”

                      3) Let them know that you’re going to be committed to resolving the problem for them: “I need to get to the bottom of this, so I will get back to you in xxx hours. I need some time to debug/create/finish etc.”

                      4) Have a sense of humor about things. Be careful that you don’t make too big of a joke about it, because they’re coming to you from a point of frustration, but after you reassure them that you’re going to spend time and commit yourself to solving their problem, it helps to end with a lighthearted tone with them.

                      5) Have a sense of humor about things. Yes, I’m saying it again, but from a different perspective this time. YOU need to not get frustrated by the irate customer that calls you and lays into you about a problem. I’ve always dealt with crisis with a hefty dose of humor. People I went to school with, or coworkers would say to me, “How you can laugh about this? This is a problem!” OK. Would it help the problem if I got angry then? Or if I cried about it? Or if I got sullen and depressed that we have a problem? I didn’t think so. Let’s be in a more cheerful and positive frame of mind and we’ll prevail much easier on solving them problem. OK, now that we’re all realizing that this problem exists no matter what disposition we have towards it, it isn’t the end of the world, let’s fix it and be happy. You’ll keep your sanity when you’re reading your 100 emails that “made you sad” if you find a way to see the humor in the situation and not let it make you sad. If there is no humor in the situation… make some humor yourself.

                      6) Simply know that you have 100 people with problems who need your help. You have a chance to solve problems for 100 people and make them happy again. Those particularly irate people might just be having a really bad day; stuff is happening to them behind the scenes that maybe you don’t know about and it’s making them cranky. Treat them well and they’ll probably show you a lot more appreciation when they know that you’re going to do your best to help them. They need one less thing to worry about and if you can take the burden off of them and assure them that you will handle things and get back to them with what they need, you’re doing them a huge favor.

                      7) You can win them all over. Better than 9 out of 10 of the people coming at you with problems and a cranky attitude will end up pleased and more cheerful if you do your best to help them. There will be the occasional person you can’t please. Let it go. It’s just a job. Some people you can’t please and if they continue to be cranky/nasty, visualize their misery just flying past you, but never take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Be grateful that you don’t have to live with that person. ;-)

                      Don’t you guys like how I write entire posts in a single comment. ;-)

                    23. 23

                      HI Daniel,

                      It’s true. Not many people have the attitude of gratitude. We live a society where performance and making money is more important than showing gratitude for what we have and what we receive from others.

                      Cultivating the attitude of gratitude can help us to make us feeling more loved and appreciated.

                      Thanks for the (practical) reminder

                    24. 24

                      We all need motivation. The simple rule is that you find yourself motivated when you’re really making effort to motivate others.

                    25. 25

                      Mitali, I’m glad you liked it!

                    26. 26

                      #17: I enjoyed reading this!!

                      Seriously – every item made me smile – some because I do them already, others because I know I can do them! Love the positive energy :)

                    27. 27

                      Hey again MarkS, wow that is definitely worthy of an entire blog post! Great tips. I really how you say that every irate customer you encounter is an opportunity to make someone happy. You’re also completely correct in saying that some people will never be happy, so in those cases you just have to learn to let go! Good stuff– thanks!

                    28. 28

                      Marc, you’re so correct in saying that we tend to over-emphasize the things that don’t mean that much in the long run. It really does take an intentional effort not to major in the minor things!

                    29. 29

                      Online Strategies, thanks for the comment. I guess it’s kind of cheesy to say that it’s better to give than to receive, but it’s true huh!

                    30. 30

                      Hey Kerry, I’m thankful that you decided to put Tip #17 into practice right away. :) I’m feeling the positive energy from you too!

                    31. 31

                      Thank You for this awesome post .. :)

                    32. 32

                      Oh my, I really needed this. As an engineer I can relate with the negativity because thats what we get paid to do, solve problems and sometimes people are too anxious for a solution that they get carried away. I try to apply some of these pointers, I hope to use more of these.

                    33. 33

                      Saif, thanks for the kind words!

                    34. 34

                      Hi Daniel,
                      Thanks for this, I added a link to it in a post I wrote today about how to get through hard times during the holidays,
                      Mirabai

                      http://www.mirabaigalashan.com/2011/12/the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year-when-it-sucks/

                    35. 35

                      Daniel,

                      Thank you for a wonderful article. I stumbled across it as I looked for ways to enrich my life in 2012. You have given me a big list of small ways to make a difference and if I’m lucky I just might get them back in return.

                      Best Wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year.

                      Tricia

                    36. 36

                      Hey Blessing @ Working Mom Journal, I can definitely identify. When you work as an engineer, it’s easy to start seeing people more as a problem or a project, instead of just seeing them as people. Thanks for sharing, and I hope the tips are effective!

                    37. 37

                      Mirabai, I enjoyed your heartfelt post. Thank you!

                    38. 38

                      Hi Tricia, thank you for your kind words. May you have a wonderful 2012 ahead!

                    39. 39

                      Thank you for this article :)
                      It reminded me of my feelings towards my grandma, aunt, and uncle. They are the most appreciative people I know. A simple gift, like house shoes and a robe made them so joyous. I admire them for that, and so I’ve been working on ways to “de-spoil” myself. This article gave me many ideas. Especially the letter writing and the You-tube video link.

                    40. 40

                      Thanks for sharing, Kass. Your grandma, aunt and uncle sound like wonderful people. :)

                    41. Guest reader

                      41

                      I didn’t even last all the way through the article, I had to stop reading and go thank my boyfriend for being so wonderful. Thank you for writing the post, I will definitely try to keep what I read in mind in the future.

                    42. 42

                      GREAT article! Thanks so much for taking the time to list so many great options for being positive and thankful. =) I’m going to retweet =)
                      Cheers!
                      Heather

                    43. 43

                      Hey Guest reader, your comment is really touching. Initially, I wasn’t sure where you were headed with the “I didn’t even last all the way through the article” thing haha… Thank you for sharing!

                    44. 44

                      Hi Heather, I truly appreciate your enthusiasm and warmth. Thank you for the retweet! :)

                    45. 45

                      thank you for this wonderful list. this is EXACTLY what I needed!

                    46. 46

                      Good to know you found it helpful, jenny!

                    47. 47

                      thank you…was a lovely article. i’ve been reading several of yours, have got the book ‘ the power of now’ and started on it…will continue to follow you. it seems you’ve accomplished a lot in your life…it inspires me that it is possible to work on improving myself too.

                    48. 48

                      Thanks, Nat for your encouraging comment! Nah, I really don’t think I’ve accomplished a lot, but I appreciate the sentiment. I hope you enjoy the book “The Power of Now”!

                    49. 49

                      Thanks Daniel! Enjoyed reading your blog & hope more people can be inspired by your words! I feel I’m a rather positive person but see so many people in the shop where I work (both customers & staff) who don’t seem to appreciate things/people around them! We need more thank you’s & small showings of gratitude! I often write a gratitude list of everything I’m grateful for & it really helps when things get tough! :) keep inspiring!!

                    50. 50

                      How right you are Daniel. Thank you for reminding us.
                      Love to you
                      Veronique

                    51. 51

                      Clare and Veronique,

                      Thank you both for showing so much appreciation to me. You’re too kind!

                    52. 52

                      Daniel,
                      I just found this site this evening. I have been delighted about every article. This is the first one I have posted about.
                      Being grateful, it is part of recovery, and this list is going in my book of recovery insights.
                      I loved it, and you are the most emo engineer I know!
                      :)
                      Thank you for sharing your positive message, and your bright smile.
                      Love it!
                      Beth

                    53. 53

                      Thank you, Beth! This really is a great site and it’s an honor for me to be part of the TSN team. :)

                      I’ll take being an “emo engineer” as a compliment.

                      Your kind comment made my day!

                    54. 54

                      Emo Engineer is definitely a compliment. I was trying to say you are one of the rare people (or I have not looked enough ) that has both sides of your brain working together.
                      On the recovery site, I just want to solve the problem. Such as get away from the addict and work on you. But, when emotions are there (but, I love him/her), my “help” looks and sounds flip. I want to help people, so I have to think and use the emotional part of me to remind people of their great worth on this planet.
                      I am learning to listen and feel. I remember when I had that pain.
                      Then, I can offer a solution that worked for me.
                      Where can I find your book? I want to get one for my daughter, she is taking liberal arts at the local community college, and I think what you have to offer might help her.
                      Thank you again, and I have been grateful to all my friends on Sober Recovery.

                      Beth

                    55. 55

                      Beth, it sounds like you’ve been on a very courageous journey and I’m very glad that you’ve gained so much wisdom along the way. I’m sure you’re going to help many people in a sincere and real way. Keep up your good work!

                      Thank you for your interest– you can find the book here:
                      http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Student-Academic-Fulfillment-Success/dp/161448127X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325859308&sr=8-1

                      Please let me know what you think :)

                    56. 56

                      So far, I have already ordered the book and gave a thumbs up or like wherever I could find a place to do that.
                      Amazingly, my heritage is Irish, and you have that saying about good intentions, then my ancestors also filled the ranks of the American military, and you quoted General Bradley.
                      After reading the reviews, I believe it will help both of us.
                      And, I lived in North Carolina for nearly 15 years. LOL
                      My goal is to buy a house there. Michigan is great, but cold.
                      After I read the book, I will write a rave review.
                      Thank you for choosing your path, and sharing with the world.
                      Beth

                    57. 57

                      Wow, Beth, you are far too generous! And I appreciate your lively sharing about your background :)

                      Thank you so much, and I look forward to reading your review.

                      All the best to you!

                    58. 58

                      Thank you sooooo much. Your article was so inspiring and it really made my day!

                    59. 59

                      Barkha, I appreciate your enthusiasm and kind words!

                    60. 60

                      Thanks !
                      That’s really nice..

                    61. 61

                      Thank you, Sachin!

                    62. 62

                      I found out my love turned me down when he told me lies and secretly walked out of my life. I suffered in 2 weeks since then and today I read your article, I recognized I still have my family, my friends – who always encourage me by saying good things about me.
                      And I want to do the same thing to people around me. Only a few kindness words can helps someone out of blue.
                      Thank you so much for your article

                    63. 63

                      Pearl, I’m sorry to hear that, but I know you’re strong!

                    64. 64

                      Your blog is very informative. The topic, which you highlighted above, is very informative. Thanks for sharing this type of information with us. It is very useful for anyone to workout. Best of luck for the future blog posts.

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