4 Tips for Saying No: Take Control of Your Time

12 Comments

Photo: Paul Armstrong

Have you ever said “yes” to something, only then to feel a tightness in the pit of your stomach, wishing you had said “No”? I have, and I’ve always disliked the feeling it left me. Because I wasn’t being truthful to myself. It’s like this: if I said no, I would feel guilty for having said no. If I said yes, going against what I really wanted, I would feel bad about the situation. Why do we stage ourselves for such lose-lose scenarios? Saying “yes” to things when it’s not what you really want can create a negative flow in your inner being. It can exhaust you mentally, waste your time and distract you from your purpose. Here are some tips that can help to bring some clarity and lighten up your mental ‘load’ when you want to say no:

1. Recognize that you have a limited amount of time in a day. If you say yes to everything that comes your way, then it’ll be difficult to focus on your own priorities. You won’t have any time for yourself. Time is your most valuable resource.
2. Understand your priorities. Don’t over complicate your life. Especially when you don’t need to. Don’t take on more than you can handle. Always make sure that you have enough time to yourself.
3. Listen to your gut - Pay attention to what your inner voice is saying. If you don’t feel like it, don’t do it. Trust yourself. Be truthful to yourself.
4. Ask yourself “Why?”when making the decision:
   1. “Am I doing this out of Guilt or Fear?” Guilt and fear are mind created emotions. They are formed by your perception of a situation, where you are looking through tainted glasses, unable to see clearly of what’s really there. Fear makes people irrational. ** Note: We will cover guilt and how to deal with them in a later article.
   2. “Am I doing this out of social pressure?”
   3. “Who am I doing this for?” - This is a great question to ask, and not an easy one to answer when our mind is clouded. Be truthful with yourself. If you are doing this for another person, you will find that your personal pride, sense of self worth, self respect, self-esteem will depend on the acceptance of another person.

Do share any tips you have that you’ve found helpful in staying true to yourself, and being honest with what you want with others.

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12 Responses (9 Comments, 3 Trackbacks ):

Comments

1. Jean Browman - Cheerful Monk

   Oct 06 07, 9:15 am PDT

   1

   The phrase I always use is “It’s easier to say no when you’re saying yes to something even more important.” Being clear about our priorities is the most important thing. If we’re unclear on them it seems to me developing our mission statement is the best use of our time.

   Great topic!

2. Abe

   Oct 06 07, 4:57 pm PDT

   2

   I must admit I am one of the frequent victims of failing to say “NO” when I wanted to say “NO”. I paid dearly for it but I never learned. You were right. There is that unusual feeling of guilt when you would say NO to a friend. It is like showing rejection and that situation is not easy deal with.

   You tips are enlightening. I never thought of those things before. Now I have a weapon to be courageous enough to say NO when I need to.

3. Tina Su

   Oct 09 07, 8:42 am PDT

   3

   Hi Jean, I agree that being clear with our priorities is most important. I shall write a post on Mission Statements. Great idea! Thanks!

4. Tina Su

   Oct 09 07, 8:43 am PDT

   4

   Thank you Abe for your input!

5. Lawrence Cheok

   Oct 13 07, 6:54 am PDT

   5

   Hi Tina,

   Great topic. I believe that learning to say ‘No’ is one key factor to staying focus and also to leading a balanced life.

   I’ve seen friends and colleagues who get themselves into situations that they regret later, only because they did not have the courage or the knowledge to say ‘No’.

   This is a topic close to my heart. Coincidentally, I’m also writing a similar article about saying ‘No’. Will share that when done :)

6. Tina Su

   Oct 16 07, 6:48 am PDT

   6

   Lawrence, I can’t wait to read it when you are done. This topic is close to my heart as well. I’ve spent a lot of time learning to say no, especially under social pressures.

7. Stephen Hopson

   Oct 19 07, 4:46 pm PDT

   7

   This is an EXCELLENT article and perfect timing b/c not only does it complement my article that you responded to over at Alex Shalman’s blog, but it is a sign from the universe.

   I’m in a situation right now where I absolutely do not want to do something but I know others will be surprised if they learned my true feelings. This article was a sign from the universe to act on my true feelings, which is to say NO.

   Thanks!!

   Stephen

8. Tina Su

   Oct 19 07, 6:20 pm PDT

   8

   Aww.. thank you so much Stephen. I’m glad to be of service. You know, there are no accidents in this Universe. :)

9. JD

   Feb 19 08, 11:57 pm PST

   9

   One of the best ways I’ve learned to say no on the job is to frame it with a condition. For example, if you can take this off my plate, then I can do that. Or if I can get resources for this, then I can do that.

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