6 Steps to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs

** New: Audio:

(Intro: listen above or download mp3 file)

I consider myself a frugal person and I’ve always thought that it was a good thing. However, I recently discovered that, while frugality is a worthy and useful quality, the root of my own frugality is based on some limiting beliefs that I’ve held.

It all started with the story of a little dell laptop, and the story went something like this… The computer I use every day is a five-year-old Dell laptop. It was originally my work laptop from Amazon.com, until the hardware lease expired, and I was allowed to purchase it for $68.

This little machine has served me well, but due to its nature (ahem – it runs on Windows) – its gradual decline in reliability and performance was noticeable (even after re-installing Windows and doubling the RAM). I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated by the need to reboot my computer at in-opportune moments, and the random crashes and slowness of Photoshop – which I frequently use.

Last week, Jeremy watched as I was hunched over my little laptop, frustrated once again by the slowness of its functions, hinting of the need to reboot. I cursed out loud, not wanting to reboot because I had too many browser tabs open; so I persisted, insisting that I could tough it out. He turned to me, and with a concerned expression, said, “Honey, let’s get you a new Macbook and an external display. I think you’re really gonna love it and you’ll be so much happier and productive.”

I have resisted converting to Apple for about ten years. My excuse was always that I couldn’t stand the keyboard differences. While this was somewhat true, it was also an excuse to stay within my comfort zone and to resist change. That evening, however, I reached a tipping point in my dissatisfaction with PCs, and decided to give Mac a try (while trying to ignore the resistance in my stomach).

So, Jeremy and his friend Dave took me to the Apple Store. Once inside, I immediately felt like a kid in a candy store, drooling over the sleekness of the machines and the beautifully minimalistic store design. We walked into the store with the idea of buying the cheapest laptop + display combo, but when I saw that the current generation of 23″ monitors have a glossy reflective display, I knew that it would distract me more than be a tool of inspiration and productivity.

Then we spotted it, the 30″ Cinema HD Display, which has a non-reflective matte screen and the higher price tag to go with it. The three of us gathered in front of the model display “oooowing and ahhhhing” at the enormous mass of aluminum beauty.

After playing with it for about ten minutes, pulling up Think Simple Now in the browser, and testing out Photoshop with great satisfaction, Jeremy proclaimed, “Babe, let’s get you this.” Dave smiled widely.

And then, it happened, I heard a peculiar voice inside my head say, “You don’t deserve it“.

I observed as the feeling glistened over me. While I was excited for and had always lusted over the Apple Cinema Display, I felt the guilt hover over me and turn the hope into shame, for even wanting it.

I felt sad and pathetic that I had picked this belief up somewhere along the way, and have been unconsciously carrying it with me, for god knows how long. Memories of my childhood began flashing in front of my eyes…

My Childhood: The Story of a Silent Limiting Belief

Growing up in communist China, my family was poor, and lived on a modest salary of 150 RMB ($18.75 USD) that my mother brought in every month. As a little girl, when I needed something, I always picked out the cheapest one instead of the prettiest one. Even today, my mother still tells the story – with tears in her eyes – of my five year old self, selecting the olive corduroy shoes instead of the red cotton ones, because they were 3 RMB ($0.37 USD) cheaper. And I still remember being made fun of by the other kids for what I wore to school.

The idea of not putting a financial burden on my mother became deeply ingrained in me and lasts to this day.

After moving to Canada, my family lived in the one room basement of someone else’s house. I never asked for what I wanted, out of fear that I was burdening my parents.

As I got older and became a teenager, fitting-in with my peers consumed much of my attention. I got into teen modeling, started making my own money and rejoiced that I no longer had to rely on my mom. I would go shopping and buy all the things I thought I missed out on; things that teenage girls wanted in order to secure their identity: makeup, clothes, and teenybopper magazines. Often, I would come home, and be scolded for having “wasted money” at the mall.

Somewhere in there, my five and thirteen year old self came to the unconscious conclusion and false belief that I didn’t deserve nice things.

Afterwards

I shared this belief and emotional discovery with Jeremy, and he stared into my eyes with great empathy and conviction and said, “If anyone deserves it, it’s you!” He continued with tears in his eyes, “Think of how many hours a day you sit in front of a computer, and think of the number people you can help if you are happier with your work station.” My heart melted, and a feeling of relief washed over me. He was right, but I still needed some time to let that sink in and start to believe it myself.

Recently, in an email exchange with a friend, she shared with me her recent discovery that she has always viewed herself as the “wacky sidekick”, and continued with, “I want to be the main character now. I no longer want to whine and complain about life. I no longer want to react to life, I want to be a partner with the Universe in creating the life that I want and am destined to live.”

Wow!

It became clear that I wasn’t alone; although our beliefs were different, they boiled down to the same issue. We all have conscious and unconscious beliefs about ourselves that either drive us forward or act like an unseen weight tied to our ankle. These beliefs either unleash our spirit or hold us back from our potential to BE and to live the best life possible, which is what we all deserve.

What are some beliefs holding you back?

Action: What to Do to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Note: If you are looking for results, don’t just read the following steps, actually do the tasks each step asks. It’s best to be somewhere you won’t be disturbed, grab a pen and paper, and let’s start!

Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

1. What Are Your Beliefs?

Beliefs are mental notions and assumptions we have, about ourselves and the world around us, that we hold onto as absolute truths. They are emotional and psychological and often irrational. They are formed through our experiences and interactions with the world. Dr. Rao says that these beliefs make up our mental model. Others simply call them unconscious beliefs. They often do not serve us but rather hold us back from pursuing our dreams and living freely and fully to our potential.

Many of these beliefs were formed and accumulated throughout our childhood. We picked them up through our interactions with others – like when we were scolded for doing something wrong or not doing something the way our parents expected us to. A common resulting belief is I’m not good enough, which then bleeds into other beliefs that affect us during adulthood, like, I’m not capable enough or I’m not talented or I’m stupid.

Relationship based beliefs are also very common, because the events associated with them are often emotionally heightened and leave lasting impressions on our subconscious mind. If we got hurt early on in our dating career, we might end up concluding that we do not deserve a loving relationship, or associate that love is a cause for suffering.

On a piece of paper, write some beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you that you’ve come to accept as reality. Especially ones that you know are over generalized, and are no longer serving you on your path to personal wellbeing. Some of these statements may seem like you don’t actually consciously believe them, but if you noticed an emotional reaction in your body, then you actually do carry that belief with you.

Here are some common beliefs:

I’m not important
Making money is a struggle
I’m not good enough
I’m not smart enough
I don’t deserve it
I am too young, people won’t take me seriously
I am too old, it’s too late to start…
I am a hard worker. I work hard for money.
I’m pretty much doomed, I don’t have good luck, problems always follow me.

In other examples, here are some of my beliefs from the past (I no longer have them, however, I did carry them for many years until I realized that they were hurting me and limiting my potential to be happy):

Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind.
I am a bad writer.
I do not deserve a loving relationship.
I have to work hard to be successful, working without rest or having a social life.
I am not pretty enough. I do not deserve or am not able to find someone I am attracted to.
I am not a good engineer. They’re going to find out really soon that this is true.

I could go on for hours with a list of beliefs I have had about myself. It is something I now consciously watch for and have chosen to change about myself. I can speak from personal experience that unlearning these beliefs has served me well and I was surprised to find the abundance of goodness that was around me all along.

By brainstorming and writing these out for yourself, you become aware of them, and can choose to work on overcoming them.

2. Find a Counter Instance

Pick one of the beliefs from step 1 to work on and continue on with the remaining steps.

For your belief, look for one specific example where the statement is not actually true, where you did something or experienced something – even through someone else – that was not in alignment with your belief.

For example,

For the belief I am a bad writer: this proved untrue when I wrote (fill in the blank) article two years ago.
For the belief Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind: this has proven to be untrue in the case of x person’s husband.

This step introduces the possibility that there are flaws in this belief. As you go about your day, specifically look for examples that counteract this belief statement. For example, if your belief is “nobody likes me”, spend your day looking for “people who like me for who I am”.

If you are not finding an example after trying for ten minutes (please try!), move on to the next step.

3. How Has This Belief Worked Against You?

Think of all the instances where this belief worked against you, either kept you away from taking action towards something you wanted, or negatively affected you emotionally and thus affected other areas of your life – relationships, health, etc. How has this belief hurt me in the past? Write it down.

Change happens when we take action, and pain can be an effective motivator to catapult and accelerate our desire for change. When we’ve experienced enough pain, we will want change and will take action to make it happen.

Now, close your eyes and experience the pain you felt as a result of this belief. Visualize, hear, and feel the emotions of that moment. Make it as real as possible.

4. Find the Source

Dig deep into memories from your past – childhood, teenage years, early twenties or even last year – what instance or instances brought you to this conclusion? Be specific and write them down using as many words as needed to describe them.

Tip: it helps to close your eyes, and repeat the belief statement out loud. This triggers emotions that will assist in locating the events that contributed to its formation.

For example,

For the belief, I am a bad writer, I recalled an instance when a high school English teacher told me that my paper was poorly done.
For the belief, Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind, I realized that several ex boyfriends who were either unfaithful or unreliable or unkind were good looking men.
For the belief I am not good enough, I realized that I had formed this belief during my childhood years, when my mother would seem frustrated with me when I didn’t do certain things exactly the way she expected.

Close your eyes and visualize this scene. Re-live the scene and remember how it made you feel.

5. Alternative Meaning

The external event you identified in step 4 wasn’t necessarily responsible, on it’s own, for the formation of your belief statement. For example, just because my high school English teacher expressed dissatisfaction with one paper from a class 15 years ago, didn’t mean that I had to invent the belief that, “I am a bad writer”.

I believed this, because that was how I had interpreted the situation. I attached that meaning to the scenario. I had chosen that perspective out of the many possible perspectives that could have explained the situation. But at the time, I chose one, and attached myself to it.

Nothing has any meaning, unless we give it a meaning. The only power we can give to any external event or scenario, is the power we allow it to have on us.

Now, brainstorm for other perspectives that could also explain the external event you identified. It may be helpful to pretend you are other people, viewing the situation from multiple angles. In my example above, where I had concluded that, “I am a bad writer”, here are some alternative perspectives that may equally explain the situation:

The teacher was having a bad day.
The teacher had a different writing style than me.
I was really nervous while writing the exam, contributing to the poor performance.
Maybe it wasn’t my best performance, but it was an isolated occurrence.

Close your eyes and visualize the scene from step 4, except, view it from these new alternative perspectives. See that you are free to choose the meaning you give to the external event.

Now repeat your original belief statement verbally and examine how you feel. Do you now feel that your emotional reaction to the statement is reduced or non-existent?

6. Eliminate Beliefs

Photo: Kevin Russ

Step A:

(Guide Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes and once again visualize the scene you found in step 4 (a situation that contributed towards you forming this belief). Now imagine that this image in your mind has gone dim, as if someone turned off a light or two in the scene. Now visualize that the image is moving away from you, as if contained in a box that is being pulled away from you.

As the image moves away, see that it also becomes blurry. Continue to imagine the image shrinking until it disappears and all you are left with is darkness. Now, take a nice deep and long inhale, causing an audible exhale, making an – ahhhhhhh sound.

Step B:

Open your eyes. Now write down a statement that has the opposite meaning from your belief statement. For example, I am a great writer, I am deserving of good things, there are many good-looking men who are faithful and kind, I am a good person, etc.

Step C:

(Guided Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes, and see yourself living with this statement you just constructed. Imagine yourself as a great writer, typing away at your desk. See yourself walking around on a beautiful day knowing that you are a good and deserving person.

Look around at the details of this scene. What do you see around you? What do you hear? Touch something in your environment. How do you feel? Feel the emotions of that moment. Feel the joy bursting from your being. You are smiling. Now make this image slightly brighter, as if someone had shined extra light onto the scene. Continue to imagine this scene until you are satisfied.

How do you feel now? Try repeating your original statement. Does it still bother you in the same way? Repeat the process if you still feel an emotional reaction towards it.

Parting Words

One of the most profound things I’ve heard recently is from Morty Lefkoe, in his interactive (and free) video program on getting rid of I’m not good enough. In it, he uses a beautiful analogy; for every experience that we go through that results in a belief, we are adding new clay or defining details to make a clay person, and then we attach ourselves to this clay person, assuming that it is us. We forget that we were the hands that created the clay person.

Indeed, we are not our beliefs. We are not the clay person we have created. Remember that behind every belief, there was a source that did the interpreting, created the meanings and attached those meanings to the external event. This source is part of us – it is our consciousness. When our conscious experience is mixed with our ego, we get confused and start attaching ourselves to these otherwise meaningless events.

Remember, if we can create the clay person, then we have the power and capability to modify it. If we want to, we can change our beliefs and thoughts and actions and therefore, change the results. Thus, in a way, we are in control of our destiny.

Thank you for reading. I hope you can apply this in your life, and see positive results. Do come back and share your experiences with us.

* What are some limiting beliefs that you’ve held? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

If you enjoyed the article, please join Think Simple Now on facebook. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

External Resources related to Eliminating Limiting Beliefs:

Monty Lefko – Eliminating Beliefs 3 for free
Monty Lefkoe – Natural Confidence
Book: Guaranteed Solutions
Book: Using Your Brain For a Change

Comments

Gerald
Apr 15 09, 5:33 pm PST

1
Tina-

great article. As a professional sales person, it is hard for me to comprehend someone needing this (no offense), but I am not so shallow to know there are NOT people who need a lift, and way to look at themselve retrospectively (Can you say Dr Phil?).

Too often we are caught up in the day-to-day of our lives, we forget we ARE special- we are all unique, and if we are not reminded periodically we are appreciated, needed, loved etc., we can often lose sight of why we are LIVING.

One thing that helps a lot of people is meditation or finding a faith. I think this permits a person to look at the world from a different perspective, and that there is something greater than them as an individual. One thing I hate is the Wifm attitude (Whats in it for me?). Sales is rife with people like that, so that is one aspect I miss from my previous life as a soldier, the epitome of sacrifice and selfless service.

I hope many readers find this beneficial. If they apply just a portion, they can’t help but feel better.
Amanda
Apr 15 09, 5:39 pm PST

2
OMG, Tina! You have such a lovely voice :)

It would be great to have mp3 versions of TSN articles!
I mean, it’s funny how the steps are easier to take when you LISTEN to them instead of reading.

My therapist says the exact things I’ve read, not only here, but on many other books and internet articles. But I’ve only decided to take action on things that bothered me once I started to see her and hear what she had to say. Perhaps my heart feels sounds deeper than letters :)

Another post saved on my browser, hehehehehe ;)
Roger - A Content Life

Apr 15 09, 5:40 pm PST

3
Tina,

It sounds like you had a difficult childhood. Honestly, my was pretty easy, but I think we all pick up unskillful beliefs that become so ingrained that we see them as facts.

I like your approach to identifying these beliefs and systematically evaluating and altering them.
Tina Su

Apr 15 09, 5:48 pm PST

4
Hi Roger,

I honestly don’t feel like I’ve had a difficult childhood. But, due to the environment, I did pick up beliefs that doesn’t contribute towards well-being.

I think that even if I grew up in a wealthier environment, I would have picked up other, equally limited beliefs. Most of our beliefs now are formed during our childhood and teenage years.

*******************

Amanda,

Awww, thank you so much! I will consider doing recordings of me reading the articles, and making them available for downloads.

I’ve always loved audio guided meditations and visualizations, and knew that audio would work better than just text. Now, you can have both options. :)

*********************
John - Zen-Moments

Apr 15 09, 5:52 pm PST

5
And of course you deserve your new system. Isn’t it odd how we can become so accustomed to discomfort that it becomes a “comfort zone?”

It’s good to break patterns and habits now and then. Last week I wiped Windows off my system and installed Linux Ubuntu. I let go of all my favorite programs and replaced them with new, open source versions. A little well-placed courage goes a long way.

Change is a good thing.
Devan

Apr 15 09, 6:06 pm PST

6
“…as the feelings glistened over me…” – I love the imagery you use in your writing style Tina!! :)
Jay
Apr 15 09, 6:24 pm PST

7
http://www.samsontech.com/products/productpage.cfm?prodID=1810

great professional sounding mic for your computer
mavis

Apr 15 09, 6:31 pm PST

8
great article… i will definitely apply this to more of my ‘beliefs’ as i go on. thanks again!
Dale Knauss
Apr 15 09, 6:42 pm PST

9
Hi Tina -

Do you know if that Morty Lefkoe product is any good? I really liked that intro video you linked to but am hesitant to spend the money if I can’t see any positive reviews.
Tina Su

Apr 15 09, 6:45 pm PST

10
Hi Dale Knauss,

I’ve only tried the free programs he has available on his site, and those seem very effective and worthwhile. I don’t have an experiences with paid products. I’m a big fan of Free! :)

Which program were you thinking of buying from Lefkoe? Let me know how it turns out if you decide on it.

Tina
Shamelle- TheEnhanceLife

Apr 15 09, 6:45 pm PST

11
Hi Tina,
I read your blog regularly and It was a pleasant surprise to see an audio clip in your post. It definitely takes the personal touch in your blog further.. in a good way :-0)

When it comes to my limited beliefs, one thing I have tried to do repeatedly is to find out “why” I have the limited belief. Is it associate with a past failure, Is it because of fear etc

Shamelle
Lily
Apr 15 09, 7:17 pm PST

12
Hi Tina,

Thank you very much for sharing this story, I relate to it in so many ways.

My family had very little when we first came to Canada. I had a few outfits I wore over and over, my winter jacket was never warm, and I couldn’t afford the toys, clothes or candy that other kids had. After a year in Canada, my parents separated. My mom, who couldn’t speak English and who worked minimum wage jobs, somehow managed to take care of me and my one year-old sister.

Things got better and when I was in high school, my mom bought me my first computer. At that time computers were still relatively expensive (the computer had 128mb of RAM but costed about $2,000). Although I made good use of the computer, I felt guilty that my mom spent so much money, when throughout the years we struggled financially. I felt even guiltier because I felt that she thought she had to spend the money to compensate for not providing enough things when I was younger.

The feelings of guilty and scarcity followed me as I went through university. I would buy excessively if I saw “good deals,” I hoarded items I didn’t use but may someday need again, I was hostile about sharing my resources (printer ink, snacks, or whatnot) with friends/roommates unless they paid for “their share.” I too, drooled over the Mac computers, but told myself I couldn’t justify spending so much more when a PC would do just fine.

Only recently after finishing university, have I started resolving some of the mental/emotional blockages that originated from when I was younger (the guilt / scarcity mentally is only one of them). I’ve cleaned out or given away items I was hoarding (after repeatedly telling myself that I need to have faith that the universe will take care of me and provide me the means to get what I need in the future). One of the best feelings I had was giving away my vintage Yashica film camera to a (very happy) stranger from craigslist; it was like I created a new flow of energy by giving someone a treasure I no longer needed, while making space in my life for something new.

And, finally a few months ago, I wholehearted decided that I’m going to get a Mac; and that from now on I would focus on the Value of things, and not just the Price. I want to stop depriving myself of things I know I would enjoy, whether that is a Mac or a clutter-free home.

Tina, reading your story really helped me voice mine. I haven’t told many people my story, but it feels liberating to openly share it! Thank you.
Fuyu Asha
Apr 15 09, 7:40 pm PST

13
Hmm, good article, reminded me from some thoughts I happened to have today:

Jung: What’s unconscious comes back as fate

Fuyu: What’s unprocessed (either unconscious therefore unprocessed OR conscious but unprocessed) comes back as fate.
Tina Su

Apr 15 09, 7:45 pm PST

14
Hi Lily,

I swear – considering that we went to the same high school, and lived in the same parts of Toronto – we are living parallel lives! :)

Thank you for sharing your story. Gosh, you are so articulate. I love it!
Reading your story, I saw myself buying my first PC computer, and I too was like that in University. Thank you for making me smile.

Your comment also reminded me that there are more things at my home that I no longer use, but hold onto. Thank you for the reminder. :)

Warmly,
Tina
Mark S

Apr 15 09, 7:57 pm PST

15
I much prefer reading than listening to somebody reading to me. I already gave my two cents on “audiobook vs reading” in your other thread where you recommended reading the book over the audio.

However, I agree with Amanda. That was very cool to actually hear your voice. Can’t wait to see you on YouTube next. ;-)

Limited beliefs are a real problem. I guess I’ve often had to deal with those myself and still do from time to time. I can’t imagine a person that doesn’t hold onto some limited beliefs.

My Mom grew up poor, in a family with 8 siblings. They her Mom had a nervous breakdown and ran away for a while. The oldest of the children took care of the younger ones. She dressed in clothes that were tattered and kids would make fun of her at school. It’s clear that this bothered her right up into her adulthood, and she’s carried a lot of limited beliefs even now. Despite running multiple successful business with my father, raising three kids, and being very creative and fun to be around, she still maintains an idea that she’s “dumb”. She’s quick to blame mishaps on her being careless. If other people become angry over something, she blames herself first and thinks, “I must have done something to upset them.”

We work hard to relieve her of these beliefs, but we haven’t had much success, so these tips that you’ve given us, I will have to share with her and see if we can be more methodical in working those beliefs out of her.

Thanks Tina. As always, you astonish us with your insights and how well you manage to communicate them to us.
Daphne @ Joyful Days

Apr 15 09, 8:28 pm PST

16
Hi Tina,

I usually just scan posts but this time I read every word of your beautiful writing and listened to all 3 audio clips, and went through all the steps you outlined. One of my beliefs was that arguments in a relationship are normal, and that came from observing my parents’ marriage when I was a young girl. So now I tend to start an argument when there are things I don’t like, assuming this is the normal way to work things out. It was nice to pick a new belief, that a happy and harmonious relationship is equally normal, and work towards that. Thanks for this!
Will

Apr 15 09, 8:33 pm PST

17
Hi Tina,

Thank you for providing and producing this content! This couldn’t come at a more crucial time in my life and has made me feel a heck of a lot better as I’m writing final exams.

Long story short – one belief I’ve held before is that I was the “worst accounting student … ever”

I’ve replaced that with “I’m an “A” student and my previous results don’t reflect what I will achieve in the future”

Simple yet effective. Brilliant!

Thank you for providing this valuable content that is directly applicable to anybody’s life – it is truly appreciated.

Warmest,

Will

PS your voice brought tingles down my spine – definitely added value :) Great move in terms of providing audio, Tina!

PPS – I am no longer a cynic.
darrrell
Apr 15 09, 9:33 pm PST

18
i often listen to your articles by using the built in text to speech in osx – mostly because i enjoy listening while cleaning, cooking or stretching. seems lazy, but it’s like multi-tasking to me.

if you had an audio version or a podcast i would definitely subscribe to it!
Fuzzy
Apr 15 09, 11:14 pm PST

19
HI Tina
I had a moment similar to yours a couple of weeks ago. I have been with my significant other for a long time and eventually we are going to get married. I hate standing in a front of crowds so I had decided that we would get married at city hall in front of an officiant. My cousin did this (she was pregnant at the time). At my cousin’s wedding there were just a few other family members and they all wore street clothes. It looked a bit “shabby”. I know this is making me sound like a snob but you have to understand that this wasn’t her dream wedding either. It was done strictly out of necessity because of the baby and to keep costs as low as possible. It was the absolute bare minimum.
I decided that I could live with that, keeping it simple, then a couple of weeks ago while I was walking I thought to myself “why shouldn’t I have a kick *ss wedding? Go off to a nice place, buy a nice dress, and get some cool photos taken?” We would have to save but we can afford it. I just thought so low of myself that I didn’t deserve it. I am currently trying to figure out why I thought that. When I do get married it will be very simple but it will be on our terms. Our relationship should be celebrated not short changed!
Teresa

Apr 16 09, 12:43 am PST

20
Thanks so much for sharing this article with us! It’s been a great experience for me to examine the believes on myself that i have created, but i found a though thing to do is to separate one belief from another: i had to examine a group of them because they were all interrelated and the scenes i had to refer to were more than one in the same moment.
I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else :)
Please forgive my poor english,
Teresa
Zax
Apr 16 09, 5:45 am PST

21
Thankyou, now I aware.
pm

Apr 16 09, 6:18 am PST

22
You do deserve a fine laptop. Over-indulging at the expense of striping necessity is one thing, but to get something with features that make living more pleasant within reason is another.

Thank you for the enlightenment!
Positively Present

Apr 16 09, 6:27 am PST

23
This is another amazing post. We all have these little nagging belief systems that have been set up for us (or by us) and it’s very hard to let them go. However, while they may have once been useful to us, they are most often holding us back from our full potential.

Interesting, I think I’ve had sort of an opposite experience to the one you’ve had. I grew up in an evironment where I was pretty much granted my every wish. If I wanted it, unless it was completely extreme, I got it. Money didn’t seem to be particularly valuable and it was spent often and without too much concern.

When I got older and started working I realized how hard it is to make lots of money — and how important it is to spend it only on things that are valuable to you. I also realized that money doesn’t bring happiness. No matter what I bought, I didn’t feel better about myself or my life. I received a small rush from making purchases, but then I felt a sneaking, guilty feeling when my mind reminded me, “Some people have nothing. Do you REALLY need that 15th pair of jeans?” I felt guilty for not caring about money and I felt disappointed when it didn’t bring me joy.

I’m still working on it, but I’ve been trying to figure out how to view money differently. This is a believe that’s been hard to change and it’s affected other portions of my life. Because I was so used to getting whatever I wanted as a child, I expected people to give me what I wanted when I wanted it. As we all know, this does NOT go over well in relationships. I have been bratty and spoiled and unfair to others and I think that has something to do with my relationship to getting things (yes, I know, people aren’t things).

This is such an enlightening post and I cannot wait to spend some time un-learning my limiting beliefs. Thanks! :)
LM
Apr 16 09, 6:43 am PST

24
Hi Tina,

Thank you so much for this timely post. For the past 10 years I’ve sat by and watched friends get married, travel, buy nice things and live the lives they all wanted. I took was the trusty sidekick probably because somewhere deep inside I felt like you. Coming from a childhood were similar beliefs were engrained by my parents I never wanted anything for myself because I didn’t want to burden others financially. I was always the helpful quiet one. I recently realized I deserve so much more. This article is very helpful in moving me forward and closer to getting what I want and deserve.

Thanks!
Marc and Angel Hack Life

Apr 16 09, 7:36 am PST

25
Another magnificent article. Thank you Tina.

This one doesn’t relate so much to me personally, but I have a few friends and acquaintances that struggle with finding their inner self-worth. They see themselves as different, and they struggle constantly with living in the shadows of a flawed past.

They fail to see how these flaws in their past are simply experiences from which to learn and grow.

Actually, you just inspired me. I’m gonna write a short story about this topic. ;-) I’ll let you know when I post it.

Marc
Brett
Apr 16 09, 7:38 am PST

26
I’m sure you’ve received plenty of recommendations with regard to what mic you can use. As a recreational PC gamer, I can tell you now that the agreed-upon best mic you can get your fingers on also happens to be one of the most affordable: a Zalman ZM-MIC 1 (link to NCIX product page: http://tinyurl.com/cbnufq). It’s small, attaches to a pair of headphones and has clear, crisp sound quality. It’s also less than $15 :)

Yet another excellent article, Tina. I’ve been referring lots of my friends to your site, for your wisdom and insight. Keep it up.
Tina Su

Apr 16 09, 8:24 am PST

27
Hi Brett,

Thanks for the mic recommendation. I love the price! :) I’m on a macbook pro, which actually doesn’t have a 3.5mm mic in, instead it’s a 3.5mm stereo in jack. Meaning, I need to either get a preamp or USB mic.

I just ordered the Sanson USB Mic that Jay recommended above.
http://www.samsontech.com/products/productpage.cfm?prodID=1810
Thank you Jay!

Tina
Daryl [WhiteHatBlackBox]

Apr 16 09, 9:08 am PST

28
Hi Tina,

Thanks for sharing your story. Does this mean you got over your limiting belief about yourself or are you still working on it? I am surprised that you didn’t list “have a friend help you work it out”, since your husband was the one who pushed you to get the Mac (otherwise you wouldn’t have done it).

Personally, I notice that I do “alternative meaning” often. Like sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not nervous, but excited. They both produce the same fight or flight response, but only differ in perception of the stimulus.
Toriach

Apr 16 09, 10:00 am PST

29
I can really relate to the story you tell at the beginning of this article. When I was growing up my family went from being upper middle class to essentially working class poor by a down turn in the timber industry, in which my father worked. As a result even once little things like say ice cream became subjects of debate and might be passed by if it was a tight week. Now I was just coming to be of age to have some kind of understanding of money and I knew my parents worried. My brother on the other hand was three years younger than me. Being a birth order first I watched as he asked for the moon and the stars, and saw the pain on my parents face knowing that there were many things that they could not give us. (Food, shelter, and love were constants even if the first two were sometimes a struggle but what parent doesn’t want to give their child all they can.) The result was that whenever my brother would ask for something outrageous I would choose to not ask for anything, even reasonable things. And this has stayed with me to this day. I fight against it, and most of the time I do better. But big things are still a challenge. The Love Of My Life had to “force” me to get the MP3 player I have now. Even with it being only 75 dollars, (this was about 3 years ago now and that was an unbelievable bargain for a gig) I kept feeling guilty about spending so much money on something “non essential”. I am not a Buddhist but I try to take a largely Zen, non material centered approach to life, keeping “things” in their proper place. But still I am learning to be okay with sometimes wanting things, and not simply ignoring every desire I might have just because I feel I “don’t deserve it”. Anyway, thanks for the article.

Keep The Faith.
Lianna
Apr 16 09, 10:37 am PST

30
Yet another post that makes the world better. Love it!

One line jumped out at me: “I am not a good engineer. They’re going to find out really soon that this is true. ”

I have felt exactly the same! I used to think that I wasn’t a “natural” at engineering (so many of my friends in college had done things like Science Olympiad in high school, while I was busy competing in percussion), and therefore wasn’t any good. Then I realized that my unusual background truly does make me a better engineer. Wow, was that freeing!

Thanks again for the well-written and well-composed post.
Tonya

Apr 16 09, 11:08 am PST

31
Hi Tina,

I love the audio. It was nice to have you lead me through the visualizations.

Overcoming limiting beliefs is crucial if we are to go out and do our work in the world. I work with weight loss clients who are constantly battling with beliefs that are not serving them. I often use the work of Byron Katie to disprove thoughts. It, too, is an amazing process that will shine a big bright light on fear and dissolve it into a beautiful ray of truth.
Martin
Apr 16 09, 11:58 am PST

32
If you did get that mac, you could now use Garageband to make a podcast version for each entry. I’d be all over it. :)
Nadia - Happy Lotus

Apr 16 09, 12:10 pm PST

33
Hi Tina,

I could relate a lot to your story. I am the first in my family to be born in America and my parents worked hard to achieve the American Dream. So I grew up with the idea that you only buy something if you really needed it or if something had to be replaced. I am happy to say that I no longer have those beliefs but I do still adhere to the idea that a person has to live within their means.

Anyway, I long for a Macbook too and my husband has been encouraging me to buy it. I have been hesitant but last week, I decided that I am going to go for it. Your post was like reading about myself and my experiences. Thank you! :)
Tom Maurer | Simple and Spiritual

Apr 16 09, 1:43 pm PST

34
“We are not our beliefs.” You hit it on the head with that one Tina. We can leave limiting beliefs behind and take on new ones if we choose to. We don’t have to be chained to the beliefs we had in childhood.

Thanks for the great practical advice on how!
Tina Su

Apr 16 09, 2:40 pm PST

35
Hi Daryl,

Yes, I have gotten over the belief, and yes, my husband helped me, but ultimately, I had to work on it and overcome it on my own.

**********************

Hi Martin,

I did get the mac and have garageband installed. I haven’t played with it yet, but I will check it out. I used Audacity to create these clips, it was super easy to use, and it’s free.

***********************

Hi Nadia (Happy Lotus),

Check out the refurbished section on the apple website. They come with the same one-year warrantee and you can buy apple care on them. We got both the macbook pro and monitor from it, and can’t stop smiling at the great deal!

You’re right, it’s important to live within our means and not spending more than we make. Frugality is a good thing, but it’s worthwhile to understand the root of where our own frugality stands.

Warmly,
Tina
Nathalie Lussier

Apr 16 09, 3:25 pm PST

36
Hi Tina!

I loved the audios! :) I think it’s a great idea, and it makes your whole post that much more accessible. Good for you – it’s about time you got a Mac! I know the whole growing up in China on a small salary thing is tough, and it still affects so many people, my boyfriend included.

I’m so glad you put this resource together, and that you figured out that yes – you do deserve it. I especially liked the idea of poking holes in the belief by mentioning the times where it isn’t true.

:) Miss you!
Nathalie
David
Apr 16 09, 7:03 pm PST

37
Jeebus, this came at the perfect time. I’ve been wrapped up in a long session of self-deprecation for days, and within a few paragraphs, I already feel great. Please, don’t stop doing what you do. This is like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, except it actually makes me want to do something. If you were a shrink, I’d happily fork over every cent I had to you for your service, and if I had a job/credit card, I’d donate some money to your site. I swear I’ll donate when I get those things.

THANKS SO MUCH.
Mike
Apr 16 09, 7:56 pm PST

38
You’re welcome to your opinion, but I think it’s too bad you had to start the article by insinuating that MACs are better than the typical pc. Just another assumption made by many from the cult of mac. To be fair and compare APPLES to APPLES next time, (you should have gone out and got a 5 year old macbook so you could find that it too sucked.)

I believe that people will generally chose the side they know and are familiar with, rather than have an actual informed position. I use both, and I find…

Macs are expenisive.

They never lower their prices, older stuff just “dissappears” before the price point will fall.

They are not as flexible as PCs, don’t have as much software, and generally elitest…

and lastly..they remind me of some the things I hated about high school. People defining themselves through an image rather than actions. SOOOOO many people do this with MACS, where as people who use PCs just use them, and could care less with “looking cool”. We just want something that works, and my 3 pcs work very well.

And my mouse has multiple buttons!

In the end, it’s not the tool, it’s what you do with it.

I have no idea if the rest of the article was good or not, i’ve bookmarked it to read later.

Mike
Dirk

Apr 16 09, 10:37 pm PST

39
Your story reminded me of someone telling me that their mom had to stop living a “burnt toast” life. Raising her kids she always sacrificed on their behalf. If a piece of toast was burned, she was the one that ate it. This typified her life, she always sacrificed and took the short straw, and it became ingrained in her feeling of self worth.

It’s a tough mold to break out of. Congratulations on your new computer.
freelance writing queen

Apr 17 09, 2:41 am PST

40
Superb article. I will have to read it a few more times to get the full benefit. Like you, I also have a hard time spending money on myself. I have no problem giving big – it makes me happy. But I actually feel physically sick if I spend a lot on myself. My very early years were humble, but I always had food to eat, a school to attend and a home. Don’t feel too sorry for me because my family did go up in the world. Being frugal was practical then. I just can’t figure out why I feel so intensely guilty about spending money on myself. I do make a point of spending money on myself as often as I can hoping the feelings will lessen. But it’s always the same – feelings of guilt for a day or two.
Dee

Apr 17 09, 6:22 am PST

41
In one word – wow! Thank you for sharing your personal experience, thank you for bringing this important topic to your readers’ attention, and offering tips on how to take action! I got a little insight on cognitive behavioral restructuring strategies during my coaching studies and have since found them to be very, very effective, but also undeniably hard. Questioning your core, what you always held true, not easy! Still, it might have made sense and protected you when you were a child, but if it’s no longer working, time to find more effective alternatives.
Well done.
xx
Suzanne

Apr 17 09, 7:14 am PST

42
Tina, thank you for sharing this article…it’s just what I’ve been dealing with lately as I search for a new hometown, and my limiting beliefs and fear of making a mistake make the process like walking through knee-deep mud.
Craig Angus

Apr 17 09, 7:59 am PST

43
Tina,

This is a very powerful post; thanks for sharing. As a personal coach, I conduct lifestyle and career diagnostics and every case I have studied suffers from “limited beliefs” in one form or another. Based upon 100′s of diagnostics, I am confident that I would discover a limited belief even for those who claim not to suffer from this challenge. And I am no exception, as I have been haunted by issues around personal self worth throughout my life. These issues are buried so deeply inside us and are often so complex that what we see, understand and address through intervention is merely the tip of the iceberg. Although rationally we know better and our experience dictates that hanging on to old habits is irrational, these beliefs and, their behaviours, like it or not, will come back to haunt us from time to time. Clearly, awareness is the first step and centring, meditation and mantras are all good tools to help us make friends with our past and the control it exerts over us.

Oh by the way, I have also started talking out loud about a Mac; I think I deserve one of those computers too, don’t you? ;)

Best wishes, Craig
J.D. Meier

Apr 17 09, 11:23 am PST

44
Good stuff.

I think the key to swapping out your limiting beliefs is to have something worth upgrading for. Feedback loops and sticky insights and actions are the difference that makes the difference.
Tina Su

Apr 17 09, 4:30 pm PST

45
Hi Mike,

I think you are missing the point of this article – it isn’t about whether Mac is better than PC. That was just a personal story to relate back to my point that we live with these limited beliefs about our environment that holds us back.

To comment on your comment: my husband has a 5 year old mac and it still works superbly. He’s never had to re-install the OS or had any problems with viruses. During this time, I’ve gone through 2.5 PC laptops. Yes, macs cost more, but probably equivalent or even less than the price of 2.5 PCs. :)

Also, I too used to have the mouse button bias for PCs. Until I discovered that the Mac mouse has 5 buttons, it’s just designed to appear like there is one button with a ball at the top. :)

I invite you to oversee this detail and check out the rest of this article. There is a deeper message here.

Thank you,
Tina
Guest
Apr 18 09, 1:06 am PST

46
(Hope this puts on a slightly different pair of glasses)

1. Think of yourself as a rechargeable battery with 1000 (randomly chose 1000 – put any number in there) recharge cycles ….
2.You need to recharge when you are completely drained (Your battery is close 0%).
3. Your battery starts draining as you set forth on your journey of meeting your goals.
4. You reward yourself when you cross your chosen milestones.
5. Your reward typically gets its funding from your achievements.
6. You rewards may or may not recharge you (the battery).
7. Only when you hit 0% will your rewards start to recharge you. Here it is essential to understand your choices that you have (for rewarding yourself) and reflect whether that specific choice will help recharge you or not.
8. After each recharge you will deduct 1 from your remaining recharge cycles (i.e. After the 1st recharge you will have 1000-1=999 cycles left)
9. Understand that once you are recharged (i.e. your energy level is back to 100%) – Any attempt to recharge more than 100% is useless. Same case with rewards, your additional rewards will not add value to you once you’ve been recharged. (It’s like pouring water on a glass that’s already full – it’s just going to spill over…)

Peace.
Jeremy Day

Apr 18 09, 7:55 am PST

47
Hi Tina,

This was a great article. You have no idea how many people struggle with the same things. Growing up poor sure changes your whole life perspective. I think most of us have no clue about how powerfully our childhood effects us. Its good to know that we dont have to be stuck in those limiting beliefs.

Cheers,
Jeremy
Paul Maurice Martin

Apr 20 09, 8:43 am PST

48
Unfortunately I can’t get the audio – severely disabled – but I would think that the key step to coming out from under self-limiting beliefs is to become aware of them.
Vikum

Apr 20 09, 10:38 am PST

49
Hi Tina ,
A touching story and a heartfelt post.You have gone through many hardships in your life and now not only you’ve kicked them all but also helping the others to do so.Love to read your articles.
Have a nice day!
Janie

Apr 20 09, 11:22 am PST

50
Tina,

This article was incredibly helpful. I’ve just recently started dating someone wonderful, but couldn’t understand why I couldn’t emotionally commit all the way. My last relationship was difficult and emotionally draining, yet I remained attached to my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t figure out why I felt committed to someone who had made my life so painful.

After reading your article, I realized that my attachment to my ex had to do with my subconscious feeling of being unworthy of happiness. I felt that this new relationship was too good to be true and that I only deserved what the previous one gave me. Thank you so much for helping me become more self-aware. I’m now working on not feeling guilty about being happy and in love. I hope the new computer is treating you well!

Janie
Jared

Apr 21 09, 4:55 am PST

51
Thanks Tina,
Actually the audio is great, IMO. Interesting you chose to add audio. Very effective. Once a month I visit an alcohol and drug treatment center to speak and share my music with patients. While I’m speaking, patients listen and nod as they relate to my life experiences. But when I play some of the songs I wrote about my life and journey, many of them begin to cry. It’s extremely powerful. This last weekend, one of the patients came up to me afterward, he is a specialist in cognitive neurophysiology. He explained to me how helpful audio and human interaction can be to the healing process. How it stimulates transmitters (I’m paraphrasing of course since he used some real technical terms) and releases dopamine… or something like that.

Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Niro Thambipillay

Apr 22 09, 4:40 am PST

52
Tina, this is an unbelieavable article. I particularly like steps 2 and 5. Often, when we made up our beliefs (and all our beliefs are made up and a result of decisions), we were quite young and although we’ve supposedly matured since those times, we carry the beliefs from our childhood with us, never once stopping to consider whether they are still valid. So by looking at possible alternate meanings and counter instances, we start to shake the certainty with which we believe someting. And as we start to shake the certainty, the belief can be questioned and then changed. Thank you for this great post.

Cheers, Niro
MichaelS
Apr 22 09, 6:09 am PST

53
I really want to thank you for this, you helped make me realize so much about myself and why I’ve felt the way I’ve felt. Typing these words can’t describe even a speck of how I feel now. I’d say that’s a sign for me to tell you that you really should do audio versions. : )

Thank you.
Jennifer L.
Apr 22 09, 3:08 pm PST

54
Thank you for the reminder that we possess the power to choose:

“Nothing has any meaning, unless we give it a meaning. The only power we can give to any external event or scenario, is the power we allow it to have on us.”

I came across David Schwartz’s “The Magic of Thinking Big” on your site, and limited beliefs certainly stem from thinking small. We all deserve to think big, and your personal experiences along with your helpful tips have been touching and inspirational to me in the past year. Many thanks!
Sonia Gallagher

Apr 23 09, 12:42 pm PST

55
The amount of subconscious beliefs and limitations we hold with us is amazing. Sometimes we carry these beliefs with us for decades before something happens in our life where the lightbulb goes off and we have a “realization.”

It’s extremely important to realize that we are the captains of our own ships. If we give in to these limitations, we are doing ourselves a disservice and limiting our lives from being fully complete and happy. Every time that you have a limiting thought or negative in any way, its important to stop and give it some time to sink in. Think about the thought and where it came from.

For many of us, negative thoughts come and go so quickly in our mind that we don’t even have time to notice them when they enter. The regular practice of meditation helps with this a lot. Meditation in general helps you live in the present moment and become more aware of yourself including your thoughts and emotions. This in turn helps you spot the negative thought quickly after it creeps in to your mind. Do this enough times and you will know what triggers these thoughts before they even come. You will see also that they will come into your mind less and less once you begin to notice them.

All the best to you and yours,

Sonia Gallagher
Vinnie
Apr 23 09, 6:02 pm PST

56
Tina, another fantastic and helpful article! This is a powerful exercise and I feel a whole lot better about something that was bothering me. Keep on blogging, you’re a natural at it, and benefit the lives of so many!

As for the audio format, I imagine that would be great for people who commute to work, or are looking for something they can listen to while on the treadmill @ the gym.
Ashlie

Apr 23 09, 7:21 pm PST

57
Thank you so much for this. I realized as I was reading through that this is probably a big reason why I procrastinate so much! Limiting beliefs about myself plus a general dislike for the things I “have to” or “should” do sums it all up.

Thanks again!
Melanie
Apr 25 09, 7:39 am PST

58
Hi Tina,

just wanted to say ur awesome!!! love your articles, I SOOOOO relate to everything. It feels good to know ur not alone, sometimes you feel stuck with all your thoughts and beliefs and it’s just so releaving to know somebody else in the world is going throught the same thing. Your are such a beautiful person, very nice and soothing voice (and I find the recording with the headphones is perfect!!!!!! good job). Thank you for taking the time to share all your experiences and wisdom, you truly are an inspiration!!!!!!! :)
cv

Apr 28 09, 3:23 am PST

59
Tina, this is a really beautiful post… simultaneously personal, universal, helpful, and insightful. I write this on my huge new iMac– which I didn’t think I deserved, either, but I did… Reading your post, I feel understood and inspired. Thank you.
Vincent

Apr 28 09, 6:07 am PST

60
Hi Tina,

I love the audio that you had put up. It works well in this case as we can’t close our eyes and read at the same time. It will be great to see more audio included in your future articles. :)

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
kat stewart
Apr 28 09, 10:01 am PST

61
Wow! Just what i needed. I recently discovered one of these beliefs, I am not supposed to be happy. Was asking therapist how to remove it. I literally stumbled upon this post and I’m SO GRATEFUL! and yes i would love to be able to get an MP3 of u reading it. I have problems focusing sometimes so i listen to audio books. and yes, u deserve the new computer.-a fellow Mac user, kat
Jun Loayza

Apr 29 09, 2:15 pm PST

62
Tina, I love how you add such a personal touch to each one of your lessons. I think you really need to continue featuring audio along with your posts because it adds such a perfect compliment to each post.

I don’t usually follow along with a post (I’ll read it and get back to it later), but since you actually told me to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and focus, I actually did it. I was sitting here with my friend at Coffee Bean and found myself at peace for a few minutes.

Keep it up Tina! You’re amazing

- Jun Loayza
Scott Dinsmore

May 09 09, 12:49 pm PST

63
Very powerful article Tina. A lot of fun to put a voice to the name, face and experiences you are giving all of us around the country/world. Very soothing. I would love to have mp3 TSN articles. Great to listen to on the iPhone while driving.

Great article too. I went through a very powerful limiting belief exercise at a Tony Robbins event last year. I believe you’ve done the same. It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself when you start digging.

Well done!

Scott
Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net

May 21 09, 8:59 am PST

64
Hey Tina, you have a very lovely voice! :) Knowing more about your childhood from this article made me connect with you on a deeper level. I love the belief breaking exercise you have here. I’m actually a life coach and breaking beliefs is something I do as part and parcel of my coaching to enable my coachees to move into higher grounds. It’s amazing how beliefs are all in the mind and yet have such far-reaching effects in our lives – even more so than physical boundaries. Please keep up the great work on TSN – I’m loving your blog more the more I read your articles.
Ruth

May 22 09, 7:32 am PST

65
What a great article! I love the steps you give for breaking limiting beliefs and can’t wait to try them tonight. I’ve found that once I think about things for awhile I can usually find the exact incident in my memory banks that triggered the limiting belief, and once I know that, then it’s a lot easier to heal and break the mindset. One of the things that really helps me is the tapping exercises associated with Thought Field Therapy. Robert Bray has an excellent book out, No Open Wounds, that outlines the process and explains how if we don’t do something to let go of the past then we can never really be truly present and accepting of the now.
Inner Game

Jan 28 10, 5:07 pm PST

66
I really like the way you break this down into incremental steps. It can be so hard to start this process but by having that game plan, it makes this seemingly HUGE task, seem so much more achievable.

Thankyou
Rebecca

Feb 05 10, 11:08 am PST

67
Hi Tina,

This article is amazing, i could totally relate and you’ve inspired me so much, so thanks. Your voice is so calming, you should definitley do some more audio!

Rebecca x
Mrigendra
Sep 07 10, 9:43 pm PST

68
Dear Tina:
I am a man of forty years with three children and very loving and beautiful wife. I am also a graduate from a top college in Massachussettes. I find myself quite intelligent relative to most around and I am given complement in that matter by most of the people. I am committed, honest, believe in ethical values and a good guy.
I started a business about 6 years ago, which I believe I would be doing at the highest, but it reached to a certain point and is not going forwards as it is supposed to be. I believe fully in my abilities, I am quite confident person, my self-esteem is high as well and my self-image is also fine. I do not know what limiting beliefs are holding me back. I’d appreciate to hear from you. I will reach you back at your email and follow your instructions. What do I need to do to shatter world with my work – there is where I am looking – I mean it.
Your website and info is so good to impress me already.
Thank you Tina
Mrigendra
Daily Success Place

Oct 11 10, 4:21 pm PST

69
Tina,

Wow! Amazing post.

Your story is surely helping tons of people and it is inspiring. Thanks for putting it up.

Here are a couple recommendations for overcoming wrong beliefs as well:

1) Once you are conscious of a controlling belief, QUESTION IT RATIONALLY. Use questions like, “Do I know for certain? Am I 100% this is true? Is there another explanation? What evidence do I have?

2) Once you question your belief, speak out loud the new belief with emotion.

3) Whenever the belief pops back into your head, question is over and over until you overcome it.

Old beliefs have been there for a long time (like you said) from childhood experiences etc. It takes a little time and effort but these beliefs can be overcome through using your techniques and maybe adding in a couple of these.

Again, wonderful post. Take care.
Christopher
Dec 04 10, 4:17 pm PST

70
Greetings dear Tina Su,

First of all, allow me to congratulate you on your “right on the point” article. I know that the ideas expressed are not new and have been discussed. From what I see, the whole “Law of Attraction” team, Eckhart Tole, etc., are on the same track. Many before them like Napoleon Hill and Andrew Carnegie have already been there. However, the people who have actually succeeded doing what you’re describing are few. Recently, I’ve also become interested due to a growing need to change. I KNOW and can identify MANY negative non – realistic believes about myself that are destroying my future. Question: What happens when we cannot track back the very first (or perhaps those after as well, d!?) reason for creating a negative belief, because it was traumatic enough for us to burry it deep down, to suppress it? Do we really need to go back to identify that specific moment or is it unneccessary? What are the techniques for doing that, if it is? Also, can you reccomend a program or book that is SPECIFICALLY about ELIMINATING OLD, HARMFUL BELIEVES AND SUBSTITUTING THEM FOR BENEFICIAL ONES, WHILE LIMITING OR ELIMINATING FURTHER CREATION OF NEGATIVE IDEAS ABOUT OURSELVES? I think that there is nothing more for me to ask from life at this stage. I’d like to thank you in advance, wishing you a successful journey through like, whereever it may take you.
Christopher
Dec 04 10, 4:53 pm PST

71
Greetings again Dear Su,

I apologize for writing to you again. I just thought that I should be more specific myself, by telling you a little bit about my background. I am 21 years old, at a good college in my country. Problems are that although a passionate learner when at high school, I seem to have lost my passion for learning and have failed courses, retaken ones even. I do not have a girlfriend and have barely made any attempts. It’s a quite common story for nowadays, I’m afraid. I do not think there is something wrong on me on a physical or other level. I do think however, that being a “nerd” in high school( and before that) and depriving myself from active socializing, has resulted in my nowadays situation. Family has “contributed” for this too, I guess. Observe the vicious cycle: a nerd, realized a change is needed, but finding it too hard as I’ve led a ‘nerdish” life for quite a while, I can’t go back to my “study mode” (maybe because I know I’ve dedicated a lot to it in the past and want to compensate) and I can’t become a “party” person as well. I’m feeling like I’m stuck in the middle of going nowhere. Negative ideas formed in my past have sometimes led me think that it would be better for me to die or struggle severly, only to make up for all the things I’ve missed on. No other way is an option. Struggling… I already am… with all that’s in my head and is working against me. They are quite universal, such as(see here everybody, I’m sure you’ll identify some things for yourself too):

!) I am limiting myself from doing things, because due to a period of being stuck (call it apathy, depression, etc.), I am no longer on the same level of ability as others. I will only make a fool of myself and walk away ashamed of a performance that a much younger person could haver easily outdone, or at least handled things in a better way. This applies to almost ALL types of social interactions. This is what is preventing me from going to parties (i feel uncomfortable, subjects are brought that i know nothing about), having a girlfriend(even if we do get close, she’ll see that there is something wrong with me (classes failed, no girls before her, low self – esteem, fails in this and that) and leave me;Illogical, but it is what it is)., doing sports, hanging out with friends.

I am stuck and depressed and I bet that although not intentionally, right now I might as well be speaking from behalf of 1/3 of people of my age around the world. Well, enough of me whining :), sorry if I became too emotional. I just want someone to picture things, assess my bad state of being and give me a piece of useful advice. Thanks again.
Tina Su

Dec 06 10, 1:17 am PST

72
Hi Christopher,

You asked about book recommendations, at the moment, I recommend “You can heal your life” by louise hay. I link to my favorite edition of the book along the right sidebar.
Ou
Dec 22 10, 6:06 pm PST

73
I did the first 2 steps and roughly skip till the last stage. Never did visualization but make a short summary. Sort of feeling bit better with the nicer summary I made about myself. Coz the first step, I did a list that sounds like I am really putting myself down. In reality, I am really a kind, sweet and smart girl.

Have been reading up encouragement books on Strength of Women and a book by Douglas Pagels. I am seeking you as my inspiring model in mid of my emotional crisis. Hoping I can pull through it and be a strong and happy person.
Daniel

Feb 18 11, 1:22 am PST

74
We all have these limiting beliefs, and the more we change them the better our lives will be. Thanks for this!
Cara
May 27 11, 10:16 pm PST

75
Tina,
Thank you so unbelievably much. I suddenly realized I have a list of limiting beliefs that I failed to acknowledge that were forming barriers around me and preventing me from connecting properly with my life and the people in it. I surpassed one of the hardest memories that I’ve had to deal with in some time, which is a feeling of being second best (gathered from watching my bestfriend/boyfriend date someone else for nigh a year while I was in love with him). It’s better now but the memories were still holding me back and making me suspicious and negative for the strangest of reasons.

Now I’m happy to say that the memories aren’t bothering me nearly as much as they were. Thank you so much for all your help and I hope to continue along with this positive growth and learn from your experience as well.
Luke G.

Jun 30 11, 6:17 am PST

76
Wow. Excellent article! It’s truly liberating once we realize that we can change such core ‘laws’ which we’ve unconsciously held to for such a long time. Thanks for putting this topic to words so well and providing such a practical outline of steps to follow for success!

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Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life

6 Steps to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs

My Childhood: The Story of a Silent Limiting Belief

Afterwards

Action: What to Do to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

1. What Are Your Beliefs?

2. Find a Counter Instance

3. How Has This Belief Worked Against You?

4. Find the Source

5. Alternative Meaning

6. Eliminate Beliefs

Step A:

Step B:

Step C:

Parting Words

External Resources related to Eliminating Limiting Beliefs:

Other Articles Related to ‘Eliminate Limiting Beliefs’

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