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6 Steps to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs

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** New: Audio:

(Intro: listen above or download mp3 file)

I consider myself a frugal person and I’ve always thought that it was a good thing. However, I recently discovered that, while frugality is a worthy and useful quality, the root of my own frugality is based on some limiting beliefs that I’ve held.

It all started with the story of a little dell laptop, and the story went something like this… The computer I use every day is a five-year-old Dell laptop. It was originally my work laptop from Amazon.com, until the hardware lease expired, and I was allowed to purchase it for $68.

This little machine has served me well, but due to its nature (ahem – it runs on Windows) – its gradual decline in reliability and performance was noticeable (even after re-installing Windows and doubling the RAM). I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated by the need to reboot my computer at in-opportune moments, and the random crashes and slowness of Photoshop – which I frequently use.

Last week, Jeremy watched as I was hunched over my little laptop, frustrated once again by the slowness of its functions, hinting of the need to reboot. I cursed out loud, not wanting to reboot because I had too many browser tabs open; so I persisted, insisting that I could tough it out. He turned to me, and with a concerned expression, said, “Honey, let’s get you a new Macbook and an external display. I think you’re really gonna love it and you’ll be so much happier and productive.”

I have resisted converting to Apple for about ten years. My excuse was always that I couldn’t stand the keyboard differences. While this was somewhat true, it was also an excuse to stay within my comfort zone and to resist change. That evening, however, I reached a tipping point in my dissatisfaction with PCs, and decided to give Mac a try (while trying to ignore the resistance in my stomach).

So, Jeremy and his friend Dave took me to the Apple Store. Once inside, I immediately felt like a kid in a candy store, drooling over the sleekness of the machines and the beautifully minimalistic store design. We walked into the store with the idea of buying the cheapest laptop + display combo, but when I saw that the current generation of 23″ monitors have a glossy reflective display, I knew that it would distract me more than be a tool of inspiration and productivity.

Then we spotted it, the 30″ Cinema HD Display, which has a non-reflective matte screen and the higher price tag to go with it. The three of us gathered in front of the model display “oooowing and ahhhhing” at the enormous mass of aluminum beauty.

After playing with it for about ten minutes, pulling up Think Simple Now in the browser, and testing out Photoshop with great satisfaction, Jeremy proclaimed, “Babe, let’s get you this.” Dave smiled widely.

And then, it happened, I heard a peculiar voice inside my head say, “You don’t deserve it“.

I observed as the feeling glistened over me. While I was excited for and had always lusted over the Apple Cinema Display, I felt the guilt hover over me and turn the hope into shame, for even wanting it.

I felt sad and pathetic that I had picked this belief up somewhere along the way, and have been unconsciously carrying it with me, for god knows how long. Memories of my childhood began flashing in front of my eyes…

My Childhood: The Story of a Silent Limiting Belief

Growing up in communist China, my family was poor, and lived on a modest salary of 150 RMB ($18.75 USD) that my mother brought in every month. As a little girl, when I needed something, I always picked out the cheapest one instead of the prettiest one. Even today, my mother still tells the story – with tears in her eyes – of my five year old self, selecting the olive corduroy shoes instead of the red cotton ones, because they were 3 RMB ($0.37 USD) cheaper. And I still remember being made fun of by the other kids for what I wore to school.

The idea of not putting a financial burden on my mother became deeply ingrained in me and lasts to this day.

After moving to Canada, my family lived in the one room basement of someone else’s house. I never asked for what I wanted, out of fear that I was burdening my parents.

As I got older and became a teenager, fitting-in with my peers consumed much of my attention. I got into teen modeling, started making my own money and rejoiced that I no longer had to rely on my mom. I would go shopping and buy all the things I thought I missed out on; things that teenage girls wanted in order to secure their identity: makeup, clothes, and teenybopper magazines. Often, I would come home, and be scolded for having “wasted money” at the mall.

Somewhere in there, my five and thirteen year old self came to the unconscious conclusion and false belief that I didn’t deserve nice things.

 

Afterwards

I shared this belief and emotional discovery with Jeremy, and he stared into my eyes with great empathy and conviction and said, “If anyone deserves it, it’s you!” He continued with tears in his eyes, “Think of how many hours a day you sit in front of a computer, and think of the number people you can help if you are happier with your work station.” My heart melted, and a feeling of relief washed over me. He was right, but I still needed some time to let that sink in and start to believe it myself.

Recently, in an email exchange with a friend, she shared with me her recent discovery that she has always viewed herself as the “wacky sidekick”, and continued with, “I want to be the main character now. I no longer want to whine and complain about life. I no longer want to react to life, I want to be a partner with the Universe in creating the life that I want and am destined to live.”

Wow!

It became clear that I wasn’t alone; although our beliefs were different, they boiled down to the same issue. We all have conscious and unconscious beliefs about ourselves that either drive us forward or act like an unseen weight tied to our ankle. These beliefs either unleash our spirit or hold us back from our potential to BE and to live the best life possible, which is what we all deserve.

What are some beliefs holding you back?

 

Action: What to Do to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Note: If you are looking for results, don’t just read the following steps, actually do the tasks each step asks. It’s best to be somewhere you won’t be disturbed, grab a pen and paper, and let’s start!

belief2.jpg
Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

1. What Are Your Beliefs?

Beliefs are mental notions and assumptions we have, about ourselves and the world around us, that we hold onto as absolute truths. They are emotional and psychological and often irrational. They are formed through our experiences and interactions with the world. Dr. Rao says that these beliefs make up our mental model. Others simply call them unconscious beliefs. They often do not serve us but rather hold us back from pursuing our dreams and living freely and fully to our potential.

Many of these beliefs were formed and accumulated throughout our childhood. We picked them up through our interactions with others – like when we were scolded for doing something wrong or not doing something the way our parents expected us to. A common resulting belief is I’m not good enough, which then bleeds into other beliefs that affect us during adulthood, like, I’m not capable enough or I’m not talented or I’m stupid.

Relationship based beliefs are also very common, because the events associated with them are often emotionally heightened and leave lasting impressions on our subconscious mind. If we got hurt early on in our dating career, we might end up concluding that we do not deserve a loving relationship, or associate that love is a cause for suffering.

On a piece of paper, write some beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you that you’ve come to accept as reality. Especially ones that you know are over generalized, and are no longer serving you on your path to personal wellbeing. Some of these statements may seem like you don’t actually consciously believe them, but if you noticed an emotional reaction in your body, then you actually do carry that belief with you.

Here are some common beliefs:

  • I’m not important
  • Making money is a struggle
  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I don’t deserve it
  • I am too young, people won’t take me seriously
  • I am too old, it’s too late to start…
  • I am a hard worker. I work hard for money.
  • I’m pretty much doomed, I don’t have good luck, problems always follow me.

In other examples, here are some of my beliefs from the past (I no longer have them, however, I did carry them for many years until I realized that they were hurting me and limiting my potential to be happy):

  • Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind.
  • I am a bad writer.
  • I do not deserve a loving relationship.
  • I have to work hard to be successful, working without rest or having a social life.
  • I am not pretty enough. I do not deserve or am not able to find someone I am attracted to.
  • I am not a good engineer. They’re going to find out really soon that this is true.

I could go on for hours with a list of beliefs I have had about myself. It is something I now consciously watch for and have chosen to change about myself. I can speak from personal experience that unlearning these beliefs has served me well and I was surprised to find the abundance of goodness that was around me all along.

By brainstorming and writing these out for yourself, you become aware of them, and can choose to work on overcoming them.

 

2. Find a Counter Instance

Pick one of the beliefs from step 1 to work on and continue on with the remaining steps.

For your belief, look for one specific example where the statement is not actually true, where you did something or experienced something – even through someone else – that was not in alignment with your belief.

For example,

  • For the belief I am a bad writer: this proved untrue when I wrote (fill in the blank) article two years ago.
  • For the belief Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind: this has proven to be untrue in the case of x person’s husband.

This step introduces the possibility that there are flaws in this belief. As you go about your day, specifically look for examples that counteract this belief statement. For example, if your belief is “nobody likes me”, spend your day looking for “people who like me for who I am”.

If you are not finding an example after trying for ten minutes (please try!), move on to the next step.

3. How Has This Belief Worked Against You?

Think of all the instances where this belief worked against you, either kept you away from taking action towards something you wanted, or negatively affected you emotionally and thus affected other areas of your life – relationships, health, etc. How has this belief hurt me in the past? Write it down.

Change happens when we take action, and pain can be an effective motivator to catapult and accelerate our desire for change. When we’ve experienced enough pain, we will want change and will take action to make it happen.

Now, close your eyes and experience the pain you felt as a result of this belief. Visualize, hear, and feel the emotions of that moment. Make it as real as possible.

 

4. Find the Source

Dig deep into memories from your past – childhood, teenage years, early twenties or even last year – what instance or instances brought you to this conclusion? Be specific and write them down using as many words as needed to describe them.

Tip: it helps to close your eyes, and repeat the belief statement out loud. This triggers emotions that will assist in locating the events that contributed to its formation.

For example,

  • For the belief, I am a bad writer, I recalled an instance when a high school English teacher told me that my paper was poorly done.
  • For the belief, Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind, I realized that several ex boyfriends who were either unfaithful or unreliable or unkind were good looking men.
  • For the belief I am not good enough, I realized that I had formed this belief during my childhood years, when my mother would seem frustrated with me when I didn’t do certain things exactly the way she expected.

Close your eyes and visualize this scene. Re-live the scene and remember how it made you feel.

 

5. Alternative Meaning

The external event you identified in step 4 wasn’t necessarily responsible, on it’s own, for the formation of your belief statement. For example, just because my high school English teacher expressed dissatisfaction with one paper from a class 15 years ago, didn’t mean that I had to invent the belief that, “I am a bad writer”.

I believed this, because that was how I had interpreted the situation. I attached that meaning to the scenario. I had chosen that perspective out of the many possible perspectives that could have explained the situation. But at the time, I chose one, and attached myself to it.

Nothing has any meaning, unless we give it a meaning. The only power we can give to any external event or scenario, is the power we allow it to have on us.

Now, brainstorm for other perspectives that could also explain the external event you identified. It may be helpful to pretend you are other people, viewing the situation from multiple angles. In my example above, where I had concluded that, “I am a bad writer”, here are some alternative perspectives that may equally explain the situation:

  • The teacher was having a bad day.
  • The teacher had a different writing style than me.
  • I was really nervous while writing the exam, contributing to the poor performance.
  • Maybe it wasn’t my best performance, but it was an isolated occurrence.

Close your eyes and visualize the scene from step 4, except, view it from these new alternative perspectives. See that you are free to choose the meaning you give to the external event.

Now repeat your original belief statement verbally and examine how you feel. Do you now feel that your emotional reaction to the statement is reduced or non-existent?

6. Eliminate Beliefs

belief3.jpg
Photo: Kevin Russ

Step A:

(Guide Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes and once again visualize the scene you found in step 4 (a situation that contributed towards you forming this belief). Now imagine that this image in your mind has gone dim, as if someone turned off a light or two in the scene. Now visualize that the image is moving away from you, as if contained in a box that is being pulled away from you.

As the image moves away, see that it also becomes blurry. Continue to imagine the image shrinking until it disappears and all you are left with is darkness. Now, take a nice deep and long inhale, causing an audible exhale, making an – ahhhhhhh sound.

Step B:

Open your eyes. Now write down a statement that has the opposite meaning from your belief statement. For example, I am a great writer, I am deserving of good things, there are many good-looking men who are faithful and kind, I am a good person, etc.

Step C:

(Guided Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes, and see yourself living with this statement you just constructed. Imagine yourself as a great writer, typing away at your desk. See yourself walking around on a beautiful day knowing that you are a good and deserving person.

Look around at the details of this scene. What do you see around you? What do you hear? Touch something in your environment. How do you feel? Feel the emotions of that moment. Feel the joy bursting from your being. You are smiling. Now make this image slightly brighter, as if someone had shined extra light onto the scene. Continue to imagine this scene until you are satisfied.

How do you feel now? Try repeating your original statement. Does it still bother you in the same way? Repeat the process if you still feel an emotional reaction towards it.

 

Parting Words

One of the most profound things I’ve heard recently is from Morty Lefkoe, in his interactive (and free) video program on getting rid of I’m not good enough. In it, he uses a beautiful analogy; for every experience that we go through that results in a belief, we are adding new clay or defining details to make a clay person, and then we attach ourselves to this clay person, assuming that it is us. We forget that we were the hands that created the clay person.

Indeed, we are not our beliefs. We are not the clay person we have created. Remember that behind every belief, there was a source that did the interpreting, created the meanings and attached those meanings to the external event. This source is part of us – it is our consciousness. When our conscious experience is mixed with our ego, we get confused and start attaching ourselves to these otherwise meaningless events.

Remember, if we can create the clay person, then we have the power and capability to modify it. If we want to, we can change our beliefs and thoughts and actions and therefore, change the results. Thus, in a way, we are in control of our destiny.

Thank you for reading. I hope you can apply this in your life, and see positive results. Do come back and share your experiences with us.

* What are some limiting beliefs that you’ve held? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

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About the author

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

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103 thoughts on 6 Steps to Eliminate Limiting Beliefs

  1. Gerald

    Tina-

    great article. As a professional sales person, it is hard for me to comprehend someone needing this (no offense), but I am not so shallow to know there are NOT people who need a lift, and way to look at themselve retrospectively (Can you say Dr Phil?).

    Too often we are caught up in the day-to-day of our lives, we forget we ARE special- we are all unique, and if we are not reminded periodically we are appreciated, needed, loved etc., we can often lose sight of why we are LIVING.

    One thing that helps a lot of people is meditation or finding a faith. I think this permits a person to look at the world from a different perspective, and that there is something greater than them as an individual. One thing I hate is the Wifm attitude (Whats in it for me?). Sales is rife with people like that, so that is one aspect I miss from my previous life as a soldier, the epitome of sacrifice and selfless service.

    I hope many readers find this beneficial. If they apply just a portion, they can’t help but feel better.

  2. Amanda

    OMG, Tina! You have such a lovely voice :)

    It would be great to have mp3 versions of TSN articles!
    I mean, it’s funny how the steps are easier to take when you LISTEN to them instead of reading.

    My therapist says the exact things I’ve read, not only here, but on many other books and internet articles. But I’ve only decided to take action on things that bothered me once I started to see her and hear what she had to say. Perhaps my heart feels sounds deeper than letters :)

    Another post saved on my browser, hehehehehe ;)

  3. Tina,

    It sounds like you had a difficult childhood. Honestly, my was pretty easy, but I think we all pick up unskillful beliefs that become so ingrained that we see them as facts.

    I like your approach to identifying these beliefs and systematically evaluating and altering them.

  4. Hi Roger,

    I honestly don’t feel like I’ve had a difficult childhood. But, due to the environment, I did pick up beliefs that doesn’t contribute towards well-being.

    I think that even if I grew up in a wealthier environment, I would have picked up other, equally limited beliefs. Most of our beliefs now are formed during our childhood and teenage years.

    *******************

    Amanda,

    Awww, thank you so much! I will consider doing recordings of me reading the articles, and making them available for downloads.

    I’ve always loved audio guided meditations and visualizations, and knew that audio would work better than just text. Now, you can have both options. :)

    *********************

  5. And of course you deserve your new system. Isn’t it odd how we can become so accustomed to discomfort that it becomes a “comfort zone?”

    It’s good to break patterns and habits now and then. Last week I wiped Windows off my system and installed Linux Ubuntu. I let go of all my favorite programs and replaced them with new, open source versions. A little well-placed courage goes a long way.

    Change is a good thing.

  6. “…as the feelings glistened over me…” – I love the imagery you use in your writing style Tina!! :)

  7. great article… i will definitely apply this to more of my ‘beliefs’ as i go on. thanks again!

  8. Dale Knauss

    Hi Tina –

    Do you know if that Morty Lefkoe product is any good? I really liked that intro video you linked to but am hesitant to spend the money if I can’t see any positive reviews.

  9. Hi Dale Knauss,

    I’ve only tried the free programs he has available on his site, and those seem very effective and worthwhile. I don’t have an experiences with paid products. I’m a big fan of Free! :)

    Which program were you thinking of buying from Lefkoe? Let me know how it turns out if you decide on it.

    Tina

  10. Hi Tina,
    I read your blog regularly and It was a pleasant surprise to see an audio clip in your post. It definitely takes the personal touch in your blog further.. in a good way :-0)

    When it comes to my limited beliefs, one thing I have tried to do repeatedly is to find out “why” I have the limited belief. Is it associate with a past failure, Is it because of fear etc

    Shamelle

  11. Lily

    Hi Tina,

    Thank you very much for sharing this story, I relate to it in so many ways.

    My family had very little when we first came to Canada. I had a few outfits I wore over and over, my winter jacket was never warm, and I couldn’t afford the toys, clothes or candy that other kids had. After a year in Canada, my parents separated. My mom, who couldn’t speak English and who worked minimum wage jobs, somehow managed to take care of me and my one year-old sister.

    Things got better and when I was in high school, my mom bought me my first computer. At that time computers were still relatively expensive (the computer had 128mb of RAM but costed about $2,000). Although I made good use of the computer, I felt guilty that my mom spent so much money, when throughout the years we struggled financially. I felt even guiltier because I felt that she thought she had to spend the money to compensate for not providing enough things when I was younger.

    The feelings of guilty and scarcity followed me as I went through university. I would buy excessively if I saw “good deals,” I hoarded items I didn’t use but may someday need again, I was hostile about sharing my resources (printer ink, snacks, or whatnot) with friends/roommates unless they paid for “their share.” I too, drooled over the Mac computers, but told myself I couldn’t justify spending so much more when a PC would do just fine.

    Only recently after finishing university, have I started resolving some of the mental/emotional blockages that originated from when I was younger (the guilt / scarcity mentally is only one of them). I’ve cleaned out or given away items I was hoarding (after repeatedly telling myself that I need to have faith that the universe will take care of me and provide me the means to get what I need in the future). One of the best feelings I had was giving away my vintage Yashica film camera to a (very happy) stranger from craigslist; it was like I created a new flow of energy by giving someone a treasure I no longer needed, while making space in my life for something new.

    And, finally a few months ago, I wholehearted decided that I’m going to get a Mac; and that from now on I would focus on the Value of things, and not just the Price. I want to stop depriving myself of things I know I would enjoy, whether that is a Mac or a clutter-free home.

    Tina, reading your story really helped me voice mine. I haven’t told many people my story, but it feels liberating to openly share it! Thank you.

  12. Fuyu Asha

    Hmm, good article, reminded me from some thoughts I happened to have today:

    Jung: What’s unconscious comes back as fate

    Fuyu: What’s unprocessed (either unconscious therefore unprocessed OR conscious but unprocessed) comes back as fate.

  13. Hi Lily,

    I swear – considering that we went to the same high school, and lived in the same parts of Toronto – we are living parallel lives! :)

    Thank you for sharing your story. Gosh, you are so articulate. I love it!
    Reading your story, I saw myself buying my first PC computer, and I too was like that in University. Thank you for making me smile.

    Your comment also reminded me that there are more things at my home that I no longer use, but hold onto. Thank you for the reminder. :)

    Warmly,
    Tina

  14. I much prefer reading than listening to somebody reading to me. I already gave my two cents on “audiobook vs reading” in your other thread where you recommended reading the book over the audio.

    However, I agree with Amanda. That was very cool to actually hear your voice. Can’t wait to see you on YouTube next. ;-)

    Limited beliefs are a real problem. I guess I’ve often had to deal with those myself and still do from time to time. I can’t imagine a person that doesn’t hold onto some limited beliefs.

    My Mom grew up poor, in a family with 8 siblings. They her Mom had a nervous breakdown and ran away for a while. The oldest of the children took care of the younger ones. She dressed in clothes that were tattered and kids would make fun of her at school. It’s clear that this bothered her right up into her adulthood, and she’s carried a lot of limited beliefs even now. Despite running multiple successful business with my father, raising three kids, and being very creative and fun to be around, she still maintains an idea that she’s “dumb”. She’s quick to blame mishaps on her being careless. If other people become angry over something, she blames herself first and thinks, “I must have done something to upset them.”

    We work hard to relieve her of these beliefs, but we haven’t had much success, so these tips that you’ve given us, I will have to share with her and see if we can be more methodical in working those beliefs out of her.

    Thanks Tina. As always, you astonish us with your insights and how well you manage to communicate them to us.

  15. Hi Tina,

    I usually just scan posts but this time I read every word of your beautiful writing and listened to all 3 audio clips, and went through all the steps you outlined. One of my beliefs was that arguments in a relationship are normal, and that came from observing my parents’ marriage when I was a young girl. So now I tend to start an argument when there are things I don’t like, assuming this is the normal way to work things out. It was nice to pick a new belief, that a happy and harmonious relationship is equally normal, and work towards that. Thanks for this!

  16. Hi Tina,

    Thank you for providing and producing this content! This couldn’t come at a more crucial time in my life and has made me feel a heck of a lot better as I’m writing final exams.

    Long story short – one belief I’ve held before is that I was the “worst accounting student … ever”

    I’ve replaced that with “I’m an “A” student and my previous results don’t reflect what I will achieve in the future”

    Simple yet effective. Brilliant!

    Thank you for providing this valuable content that is directly applicable to anybody’s life – it is truly appreciated.

    Warmest,

    Will

    PS your voice brought tingles down my spine – definitely added value :) Great move in terms of providing audio, Tina!

    PPS – I am no longer a cynic.

  17. darrrell

    i often listen to your articles by using the built in text to speech in osx – mostly because i enjoy listening while cleaning, cooking or stretching. seems lazy, but it’s like multi-tasking to me.

    if you had an audio version or a podcast i would definitely subscribe to it!

  18. Fuzzy

    HI Tina
    I had a moment similar to yours a couple of weeks ago. I have been with my significant other for a long time and eventually we are going to get married. I hate standing in a front of crowds so I had decided that we would get married at city hall in front of an officiant. My cousin did this (she was pregnant at the time). At my cousin’s wedding there were just a few other family members and they all wore street clothes. It looked a bit “shabby”. I know this is making me sound like a snob but you have to understand that this wasn’t her dream wedding either. It was done strictly out of necessity because of the baby and to keep costs as low as possible. It was the absolute bare minimum.
    I decided that I could live with that, keeping it simple, then a couple of weeks ago while I was walking I thought to myself “why shouldn’t I have a kick *ss wedding? Go off to a nice place, buy a nice dress, and get some cool photos taken?” We would have to save but we can afford it. I just thought so low of myself that I didn’t deserve it. I am currently trying to figure out why I thought that. When I do get married it will be very simple but it will be on our terms. Our relationship should be celebrated not short changed!

  19. Thanks so much for sharing this article with us! It’s been a great experience for me to examine the believes on myself that i have created, but i found a though thing to do is to separate one belief from another: i had to examine a group of them because they were all interrelated and the scenes i had to refer to were more than one in the same moment.
    I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else :)
    Please forgive my poor english,
    Teresa

  20. Zax

    Thankyou, now I aware.

  21. pm

    You do deserve a fine laptop. Over-indulging at the expense of striping necessity is one thing, but to get something with features that make living more pleasant within reason is another.

    Thank you for the enlightenment!

  22. This is another amazing post. We all have these little nagging belief systems that have been set up for us (or by us) and it’s very hard to let them go. However, while they may have once been useful to us, they are most often holding us back from our full potential.

    Interesting, I think I’ve had sort of an opposite experience to the one you’ve had. I grew up in an evironment where I was pretty much granted my every wish. If I wanted it, unless it was completely extreme, I got it. Money didn’t seem to be particularly valuable and it was spent often and without too much concern.

    When I got older and started working I realized how hard it is to make lots of money — and how important it is to spend it only on things that are valuable to you. I also realized that money doesn’t bring happiness. No matter what I bought, I didn’t feel better about myself or my life. I received a small rush from making purchases, but then I felt a sneaking, guilty feeling when my mind reminded me, “Some people have nothing. Do you REALLY need that 15th pair of jeans?” I felt guilty for not caring about money and I felt disappointed when it didn’t bring me joy.

    I’m still working on it, but I’ve been trying to figure out how to view money differently. This is a believe that’s been hard to change and it’s affected other portions of my life. Because I was so used to getting whatever I wanted as a child, I expected people to give me what I wanted when I wanted it. As we all know, this does NOT go over well in relationships. I have been bratty and spoiled and unfair to others and I think that has something to do with my relationship to getting things (yes, I know, people aren’t things).

    This is such an enlightening post and I cannot wait to spend some time un-learning my limiting beliefs. Thanks! :)

  23. LM

    Hi Tina,

    Thank you so much for this timely post. For the past 10 years I’ve sat by and watched friends get married, travel, buy nice things and live the lives they all wanted. I took was the trusty sidekick probably because somewhere deep inside I felt like you. Coming from a childhood were similar beliefs were engrained by my parents I never wanted anything for myself because I didn’t want to burden others financially. I was always the helpful quiet one. I recently realized I deserve so much more. This article is very helpful in moving me forward and closer to getting what I want and deserve.

    Thanks!

  24. Another magnificent article. Thank you Tina.

    This one doesn’t relate so much to me personally, but I have a few friends and acquaintances that struggle with finding their inner self-worth. They see themselves as different, and they struggle constantly with living in the shadows of a flawed past.

    They fail to see how these flaws in their past are simply experiences from which to learn and grow.

    Actually, you just inspired me. I’m gonna write a short story about this topic. ;-) I’ll let you know when I post it.

    Marc

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