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How to End Suffering

While pain might be inevitable, the suffering that comes from the pain is not. Suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind. Suffering is your response to an event. Whether you suffer or not depends entirely on your reaction to that situation. ~Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Today, I will get (more) personal.

I’ve debated about whether or not to share this information in a post. It was a quiet battle between keeping my personal life somewhat private, and the intense desire to share the lessons from this important chapter of my life. In sharing, I’ve surrendered to my fear of being judged negatively by you – readers of Think Simple Now.

My husband Jeremy was married once before. During the early stages of our romantic courtship, he was simultaneously battling the lingering ends of an unsettling divorce (things got ugly and someday I hope to share the details of this tale with you – perhaps in a book). Suffice it to say, it felt like it was never going to end.

For about six months, my inner stillness was disturbed and stirred up by the negative feelings revolving around this event. My “pain body” came crawling out in full, front-and-center view, and stayed with me while causing unnecessary suffering.

Even when his divorce was finally over, I didn’t feel much better. The feelings of resentment and hate (however subtly in my subconscious) for his ex-wife remained for another three months after the fact – until two weeks ago to be exact.

This article isn’t about forgiveness or complaining about my own self-inflicted pains, but it is about personal freedom. The kind of freedom from the massive mountain of stories we’ve piled onto ourselves that result in suffering.

Are you experiencing anything that is causing you worry, heartache, resentment or stress? If so, continue to read and allow me to share the story of my new found freedom… and how I got there.

Personal Story

For the first six months, amongst the ecstasy of finding the mate to my soul, and the joy of deeply connecting with another human being, there was a part of me that felt a tremendous amount of pain.

As excited as we were for having found each other under extreme circumstances, the pending divorce hovered overhead, and a battle for money and properties continued without an apparent end in sight.

Part of me felt as if I was living under water – unable to breath – suffocating. An imaginary dark cloud hung over me, and it seemed to never leave. Even when I pretended that it didn’t exist, whenever I looked up, there it was, that dark piece of sky, high above my head.

Finally, six months later, the divorce was finalized, after Jeremy decidedly gave in, so as to quickly end the prolonged cycle of destruction and suffering.

Well, for me, the pain didn’t end there. From my perspective, here was a grown man who’d left an unfulfilling marriage, and lost nearly everything he had ever earned in his ten years as a working professional.

Here was a man who I loved and adored more than anything else. When I saw that he was being hurt, it hurt me too. The spirit of mother in me, of survival, wanted to protect and fight anyone threatening to hurt my family. I was like a walking cave-woman, minus the animal-skin skirt and wooden club.

To say that I was unwell and unbalanced is an understatement.

 

The Last Episode

Over the past few months, I have worked diligently at overcoming these negative emotions and associations. Through observing myself in dealing with the repercussions of this event, I have written about surrendering to pain, and ways to overcome resentment, and thought that I was over it…. until two weeks ago.

I have come to learn, that sometimes, change happen in stages. With each interval of self-initiated suffering, I’ve gained a new found understanding about myself, and am better able to get a grasp on my emotions.

Two weeks ago, being the appointed money manager for our household, I started mapping out our finances, and linking our individual accounts to financial planning software.

After several hours of generating reports, creating spreadsheets, consolidating accounts, and running numbers, I was exhausted and should have stopped working. But insisted on linking the last of Jeremy’s accounts. To my surprise, his employee stock portfolio had a balance of zero. After some clarification, I realized that he had lost the balance in the divorce settlement.

Suddenly, all those negative emotions I’d felt towards his ex came rushing back. I had allowed the cave-woman in me to take over once again, and I raged feverishly in madness – well, not literally, but emotionally and figuratively speaking.

I was upset! Justifications of why this was unfair appeared vividly in front of me. I allowed the stories of ‘reasoning’ and justifications to be repeated, and I ended up feeling worst. It was a negative downward cycle.

My months of practiced Zen-ness went flying out the window, and I had allowed my ego to over take over my bodily and emotional control. My stomach was tight, I felt unconsciously unaware, and I experienced a tremendous amount of pain. It was horrible.

 

Rising From the Last Episode

suffering2.jpg
Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

The question is not how to change ugliness into beauty,
pain into pleasure, or misery into happiness.
The question is how to change the unconscious into conscious,
how to infuse awareness into ourselves and embrace reality as it is

~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Like standing in quick sand, I felt myself sinking down. I wanted to overcome this, but something was pulling me down in my inner battle with my ego. I wanted the pain to end, yet part of me silently enjoyed and nurtured the pain, and wanted it to prevail. In the most extreme of moments, I felt that I was on the edge of despair.

The pivotal point came when I realized that my own pain had started to disturb the peace and joy of those living around me. Jeremy in his own expression of courage, embraced me in the worst of my emotional states, sat me down, looked deeply into my eyes and said the following:

  • You are so powerful. You can use your persistence and strength to get yourself out of this state.
  • You’ve worked so hard to learn how to handle these situations, now is that critical time to apply what you’ve learned. Now is the opportunity to set yourself free.
  • There is nothing I can do now to change the past. It is what it is. Everything happens the way they happen, remember?
  • Babes, why are you creating this pain for yourself?

His words were like water for my thirsty soul, re-grounding me, re-entering me, reminding me to bring awareness into the situation, to take conscious control of my actions by observing my mind with detachment.

I knew he was right, but part of me wanted to say, “No thanks, you’re wrong.”

I felt an inner resistance in me, wanting to justify my unconscious actions and self-torture.

To answer his question, “Why are you creating this pain for yourself?”, I replied, “Because it feels good. It satisfies my ego’s need to attach itself to problems. But deep inside, it doesn’t feel very good. My stomach feels tight.”

Part of my mind was still latched onto the unfairness of money lost, and clung onto that story with a tight grip. And then, it happened, Jeremy said the last sentence that finally unleashed the chain I had created in my mind.

He said, “I would pay a million, a billion dollars to be with you. I think about you throughout the day, and can’t wait to get home, every day. I love our family. I love our life together. What we have here is priceless. Why aren’t we spending our precious time on being together and celebrating our love? Instead, we are digging up and reliving the past.”

These final words shattered the last of the stories conjured up in my mind. I saw, once again the reality of the situation, and it became clear that I was latched on to the past, a fictitious past beyond my control that was causing me varying levels of fruitless suffering.

So stupid, I felt. Yet, I had learned an important lesson about pain and suffering on my journey to inner enlightenment and personal growth. In the end, it wasn’t stupidity, you see… I was simply unconscious.

I spent the rest of the evening journaling, sorting out my thoughts, extracting what I had learned, viewing it from multiple perspectives and giving the story my full awareness. After a few hours of introspective contemplation, I had spread over the pages of my journal, a clear view of the situation for what it is. I can fully accept the past for what it is, and recognize the gem within it.

The evening ended with me being in a deep state of gratitude, for having experienced this these past months, and thankful for Jeremy’s ex-wife – among other things, for being the catalyst to help me learn important things about myself.

Specifically, I had thanked her for being my teacher in disguise, her presence challenged me and pushed my emotional boundaries to limits I hadn’t known before. I wish her joy, laughter and love.

My head is finally out of the water, and I can breathe again.

Another Way of Looking at Pain

Whether physical or emotional,
Pain is always born from resistance to the present moment.
It hurts because you carry the memory of the past
.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Socially, we’ve been conditioned to believe that emotional pain is bad, and that we should get rid of it at all cost. But what we often end up doing is suppressing it by pretending that it does not exist. We shuffle it under the bed, where others cannot see it, and go on pretending to the outside world that we have no pain.

My personal experience has been; that which we resist, persists. The more we suppress something, the more it will stick around, and affect our emotional wellbeing in the long run. Pretending that it does not exist does not make it go away, it just prolongs the pain for us.

Consider this: What if we treated pain as our friend, instead of our foe? What if we embraced pain, instead of continuously pushing it away? What if we viewed it as our teacher, instead of constantly avoiding it?

The biggest take away I learned is that pain can be a phenomenal teacher on our path to inner fulfillment. There is always something to be learned from every “painful” situation, always something to be discovered about ourselves. What if we just focused on the lessons, and simply move on, without wasting any energy on stabbing ourselves with suffering that solves nothing?

Another way to think about it, without extremely painful moments, we would never feel motivated to change, to better ourselves, to become the person we were destined to become, and to taste the nectar of life that is our birth right.

Think of all the major personal growth changes and shifts you’ve made in your life, were they not inspired by some painful episode that preceded it? Perhaps a painful breakup that taught you about self-love and strength, a rough period of financial instability that taught you about courage and the power of persistence, a period of painful depression that taught you about the miracles of love and possibility.

Pause for a moment, and answer these questions (on paper, please):

  • What painful episodes did you experience in your life that triggered profound personal change?
  • What did you learn or gain from this period that you are thankful for today?

Lessons Learned

Things I’ve learned (and re-learned) are:

  • Our thoughts create our reality. Our reality is conjured up by the stories we tell ourselves and others. What we think and talk about becomes our center of focus, and we miss seeing all the good things happening in our lives.
  • Constantly repeating the same thoughts causes us to believe in them, even if they were completely made up in our minds.
  • Suppressing the pain does not eliminate the pain.
  • Suffering is a choice, and happens when we cannot relinquish the past. The past is not real, it is only in the vivid imagination of our minds. Stop torturing youself, and surrender to the past. “It is what it is, and so be it.” Choose to liberate yourself, right now!
  • Pain can be a great teacher. Be thankful for it, and learn as much as you can.
  • Emotional pain is always the result of our attachment to our own perspectives. Our ego stubbornly sticks to one side of the story, and repeats this story in our head on a continuous loop – sooner or later, we start to believe it as reality. But it is not THE reality, it is just our reality, and one of many other possible “realities”. Have courage to view the other possible perspectives, and developing compassion for the other “sides” will help to bring peace and eliminate our own pain.
  • Ego loves pain and problems. It specifically looks for them when we are not conscious. Because those are the only things that can ensure its survival. Explode your ego, by shining the light of awareness on it. With awareness, we see that the story it has created is silly, unrealistic and unhelpful.
  • I had learned the influential power of the mind. When we drift away from conscious awareness, even for one day, how easy it was to be yanked away from the blissful and peaceful state we were in just a day prior. I must prioritize my day to do things that nurture my soul before anything else.
  • When I am feeling bad, my mind looks for more reasons to feel agitated, and I end up feeling worst.

Simple Solutions: What Can You Do?

suffering3.jpg
Photo: Vadim Pacev

If you become aware of something, you can get rid of it very easily.
If you are not aware of it, It remains with you.
The pain is a pain because it exists in your unconscious, not in your awareness.
Your fear of facing the pain allows it to exist and grow more and more.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

I’m sure that the story I’ve described in this post is an uncommon one that you will (hopefully) not encounter. However, what was learned through this can also be applicable to other kinds of emotional pain that we all face in our daily existence.

Here, I will note a few pointers that you may find helpful for tackling your own brand of pain.

 

1. Awareness

This is the key to overcoming any kind of emotional pain. As the beautiful quote above summarized so eloquently, have the courage to face your pain and problems square in the face. Become the observer, watch how the pain manifests in your body, fully feel the feelings of its sensations, fully experience the pain.

When you finally surrender and allow the “pain” to flow through you, you will see that you are not harmed, but that a new space is created in you for healing and learning. When you fully experience it and accept it for what it is, it will no longer have power over you.

Imagine your inner space as a physical container, if you continue to resist the “pain”, it remains in your container and will even expand itself. It will come back to haunt you until you can fully accept it. Isn’t it true that the past keeps repeating itself, until we learn the lesson and move on?

When your container is filled up, there is no space for anything else to enter, including energy for healing, for change, for growth. When you face the pain, and fully accept it for what it is, the “pain” gets released from this container, and new space is created. By doing so, you also expand your capacity for love, personal growth and compassion.

From now on, whenever you find yourself feeling the pain sensation, stop what you’re doing, close your eyes and become the witness of the experience. Watch as you inner space transforms. Don’t let this moment pass, stop the suffering before it grows out of hand.

 

2. Journaling

Writing down your candid, honest thoughts can be deeply therapeutic, not just as a tool for healing, but a tool for discovering and understanding yourself.

When you are upset, start by writing anything that is in your mind, even if it doesn’t make sense. Get it out of your head! Write in detail what is upsetting you.

Once you get the negative thoughts out of your head, start asking yourself critical questions and answer them candidly (on paper, without editing). Here are some to get you started:

  • What is triggering this pain?
  • Why am I feeling this pain?
  • What do I gain by allowing myself to suffer? What does that get me? Why do I want that?
  • Is the person you blame physically and purposely causing me pain? Or have I created a story and put them in the blame seat?
  • Do I want this pain to continue? Yes? No? Why?
  • Why does part of me want this pain? What does it get me?
  • What am I missing out on by allowing this suffering to take place?
  • What will I gain if I am free from this suffering?
  • Why am I not accepting of it? What am I afraid of? What am I holding on to?
  • Am I focused on the past or present? If the past, what can I change about the past by allowing myself to be upset?
  • Who else are you hurting by allowing this pain to linger?

You can gain a lot of insight through this exercise. Start with these questions, and write freely, allow your inner wisdom and conscious awareness to guide you through the process to gain clarity.

3. Gather the Lessons

You’ve been given a great gift through the present challenge in your life. And what we once labeled as pain is actually a priceless experience to bring up some deeply buried issues within us. Now that it’s out in the open, we can deal with it and remove it completely.

In your journal, list out all the things that you’ve learned. What did you learn about yourself? What did you gain? How did it benefit you?

 

4. Gratitude

Gratitude almost sounds cliché and overused these days, but it still stands as a powerful and underestimated ancient tool for fulfillment. By focusing our attention on the countless things we could be grateful for but take for granted, it opens up our heart space and allows love to enter.

In your journal, after you’ve exhausted the questions above, list out things you are grateful for that you have in your life. Focus on what you have now. Also, be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned, and things you gained as a result of this experience.

Side note: I like to do this simple meditation (inspired from Sufism) before I sleep. As I lay in bed, I focus on every part of my body, lovingly thanking it for its hard work and what it provides for me. I start with my feet and move up to the details on my head. We tend to appreciate our body when parts of it stop working, why not start now to encourage it to function healthily? Anyways, I always end up falling into deep sleep, feeling content and fulfilled with having been blessed with so much. And I wake up feeling the same sense of calming presence. Try it for yourself, tonight.

 

5. Accept the Past

Our future is constructed with the fabric of our present. And if our present focus is constantly colored by memories of our past, our future will only become a repetition of our past.

If we truly want our future to be different and better than our past, we must consciously choose, right now, to change our relationship with our past, and to focus on the present and the good in our lives.

If you don’t want to experience any more pain as a result of an event, stop telling people about it, stop repeating it, stop spreading it. Deal with it consciously and move on.

Change your thoughts, change your language, change your patterns; they will change your future.

 

6. Write a Letter

If your present “pain” psychologically involves another person, I found it extremely helpful to write a letter addressed to that person. Your goal isn’t to send the letter, but speak as if you were speaking/writing to them, for the sake of healing yourself.

In the letter, be truthful but compassionate. You may consider including some of the following points in your letter:

  • Forgive them
  • Apologize
  • Share with them what you’ve learned
  • Wish them good things
  • Come clean with what things you have not said to them
  • Thank them
  • Date, time stamp and sign the letter with a kind ending remark

The process of creating this letter can be a glorious experience. Do it in your journal, it is for no one else to see.

Remember, not being able to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. This is for you. Take it seriously and do it authentically.

 

7. Be Gentle

On our path to personal growth and emotional mastery, we will experience moments of slipping back to our old ways of thinking and doing things. And the realization of this can be incredibly frustrating. I understand and empathize.

Please, please remember to be gentle on yourself when this happens. Congratulate yourself for having had the awareness and insight to recognize it, and that it is a sign that you are making forward progress.

Don’t put yourself down either, by saying things like “I’m a slow learner”. No, if that’s the case, we are all slow learners. Why are you putting us down too? I personally slip all the time, and have to forgive myself on almost a daily basis. It’s okay, it happens.

 

Parting Words

Before we part, I wanted to thank you for reading this far. For those of you inspired to make some changes, to liberate yourself from the suffering in your life, I applaud you for your courage, and I am excited for the amazing transformation you’re about to witness. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

* What did you learn? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

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About the author

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

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91 thoughts on How to End Suffering

  1. Tanja

    Hi Tina,
    I love this post it and i can relate to it in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing something like that :) Very inspiring

  2. Hi Tina,

    Thanks for sharing this powerful and painful section of your life. I could relate on so many levels to what you said: I have been both Jeremy and yourself.

    The pain of what was happening in my life nearly ended it twice. The swinging between : he’s all mine vs. he’s still with his ex… I would truly never wish this on anyone.

    My solution was to add complexity to the situation by seeking out yet another person who was totally available and courting his attention, too. You can imagine how this screwed me up. How it screwed up the other two people in ‘it’ with me as well.

    I paid for it. I know I’ve cut years from my life with the stress. And given myself a whole of grey hair I didn’t have before.

    But I learned. And I gained love, insight and most importantly, life, when I faced the truth.

    Now it is behind me. I am lucky in that, underneath the pain and confusion, my inner self knew what was right and saw me through the confusion, even when I had no idea what I was doing, nor who I really loved. I have a wonderful partner. He stuck by me (once he’d sorted himself out, too).

    Thanks for sharing.

  3. Rod

    Hi,

    thanks for the post Tina: it comes at the right time.

    In my case, I’m the only target of my wooden club (another cave-man here :P).

    I decided to do not let me down, to learn from what I have done (badly) and to move on in a better way. I was searching on how to do that and so your post is very useful.

    So thanks thanks you! :D

    Rod

  4. Hi Tina,

    Thanks for sharing a part of your personal life with us. I believe this article has helped others know how to deal with emotional suffering. Staying in the past tend to robs us off our energy but staying in the present and giving thanks to what we have will help us to deal with any difficulties that we faced. Once again, thanks for your wonderful article.

    Cheers,
    Vincent

  5. Awesome post…

    I’m sure a lot of people are struggling in the exact same circumstances will be inspired by your open sharing in this post.

    I wonder how many of us are trapped in our circumstances and yet have no courage to break free.

    Keep writing. I love your work. Beautiful.

  6. Nazim

    Tina

    Excuse Penelope’s selfish ignorance. You shouldn’t change the format of your posts which benefit magnanimous amounts of people.

    You should NOT dumb down your website so that people who are so lazy that they can’t read an in-depth article which engages the reader and changes their lives, if even a little bit.

    Nazim

  7. sevki

    Thank you for the article that will help loads people who will able to see the reality in their life and what kind of world they are living in :)
    Thanks ,
    Big Smile
    Sevki,

  8. Sounds like your dude has an ironclad spiritual center, the way he turned you away from hating his ex, when no doubt he should be the one who’s the most perturbed.

    You’re sure he’s not banging her on the side, right? Heehee…

    AHG

  9. Tina, thanks so much for being so open and sharing so much with us. It’s amazing how gracious you are by sharing your full self on this blog and the readers, including me, appreciate that. Every bit of pain we experience is always a compass for our growth. If we are experiencing something that’s not neutrality or positivity, it reflects something inside of us that can grow further.

  10. That was quite a post! Thanks so much for sharing. As a life coach I’ve been trained to always search for people’s painful thoughts, since those are the things that make us unhappy, not the actual circumstances. In this case the circumstance really sucked, but the thoughts about the situation, anything from how it wasn’t fair to why it shouldn’t be happening and everything in between, caused the bad feelings. Of course, I can teach this to others but need to be reminded it of myself daily.

    I’m really glad you opened up and did tell a more personal story, and I think your tips and takeaway thoughts are wonderful. And I’m also glad you’re feeling better and thankful for what you’ve learned and what you have in your life. Very inspirational!

  11. Lindsay

    “The only behavior you can control is your own.”

    This phrase has helped me through the toughest times. It helps me to free myself from feeling responsible for the actions of others and for the things that I worry/stress about, yet will not ever control.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  12. Thanks for being so open and honest here. It’s hard to find an honest, true personal story in a lot of these blogs.

    It also sounds like you have married a truly wonderful man. His words were so supportive and kind. I wish you two many more years of wedded bliss.

  13. Lately I’ve been asking myself constantly how to end the suffering I’m going through. One solution that sounded good to me was to completely stop caring about other people by ceasing to make relationships, and by dropping every relationship I already had. Luckily, a few friends helped ease me out of that thought over the course of a few days. I still face the suffering, however.

    This post was very eye-opening for me. I’ve been trying to block out and bury my past for so long that sometimes I honestly can’t remember what exactly made me think whatever upsetting thought I currently harbor. It will be a struggle to uncover so many small incidents that have dug in so deep, but thanks to you, I’ll be looking.

    Thank you for sharing your own experience so candidly, that was courageous.
    I’ll be taking your advice from now on in my journey to end my own suffering.

  14. You’ve done a great job of presenting a personal and deep experience.

    Your story is unique of course, but it also seems to be a common experience of awakening, that we feel we are “advanced” in awareness, and then suddenly life, the greatest teacher, throws us a humbling experience.

    Many of things you suggest resonate. I would add that there is nothing complicated about awakening. Simply be aware, and find a release technique which works for you. The rest, acceptance/awareness/the nature of reality/time/the illusion of past/the illusion of fear and sadness–all of this is understood naturally.

    Pain is part of being human; suffering is entirely optional.

    Thanks for sharing.

  15. I personally find it amazing the number of times I think I have forgiven or released the pain only to find I have suppressed it. Your sharing of the story reminds me about the layering of healing and how important are listeners, summarizers, and gratitude.

    Thank you for putting out this good message.

  16. “Our thoughts create our reality”

    – Well said. And in many cases, problems arise simply because of erroneous belief.

  17. Tina,

    Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I believe that makes what you’re trying to teach here more relatable. It is so cool how you came to see that our thoughts create our reality, literally! It has been said that it isn’t so much what happens to us in life but rather how we perceive what happens to us.

    Once again, great article and thanks for sharing of yourself.

  18. Thanks for sharing this Tina. It is wonderful to see that everyone has tough problems and that though we could nurture zen habits, there will always be emotions that make us go wild.

    The trick is recovering from the shock.

  19. Melanie

    Hello Tina,

    I love your articles, it’s so magical how the subjects you write about always seem to be so close to me, exactly what I’m going through in my life, every time!!!! Your great.

    I have to be honest and humble in admiting that at 31 years old, I made a very important discovery about myself. I realized that, all my life, whenever I used to go through a negative and destructive emotion, I would blame myself, think it’s my fault for living this (I’m just a negative person). I would be so scared of not being able to live through it and of it coming back. I felt like I was the only one to go through this, something was wrong with me, I was confident enough (when I was young, adults would tell me that if you have confidence in yourself, you do not fear anything) or peaceful enough and I simply was not able to deal with this. I DID NOT ACCEPT IT, THAT’S ALL!

    I’ve just now realized, after reading a few books and doing some soul searching, that everybody lives these emotions and it has nothing to do with me. I try to see myself as a spunge and just let the emotion pass through me without me judging myself or the experience I’m living. It just passes through so easily that way. And after, when I’m back to a more calmer state, I take the time and see what triggered that emotion so I can learn from that experience. I do beleive that we are here to live experiences and different emotions and to be able to live the good, we have to go through the bad too. Now I let fear pass through my body and simply wait till it’s gone, I focus on the present moment, I make peace with myself so that I can retreive beautiful and safe inner garden inside.
    What a releaving discovery finding out I’m not a bad person because I go through negative emotions, fear, anger, jealousy, etc. I’m not as scared of my inner world now and interesting enough, love as taken a bigger place in my heart now. Thank you for making me grow!!!

  20. Chris Sharp

    Tina,
    May our months of practiced Zen-ness always go flying out the window! I mean, that the level of our awareness changes moment to moment, so even our Zen-ness of the past has been outgrown and needs to fly away so that we can experience another level of living.

    It’s a wonderful gift life is that it constantly presents new experiences that challenge us (sometimes off the charts) to insert new choices, and take greater responsibility for our own lives.
    I like your posts how they always offer courses of action and exercises(tools) to use now, in addition to the powerful personal experiences you have had.
    Thanks for your willingness to be vulnerable and honest, and your courage to show up to help so many people help to better their lives.

  21. Vicki

    Thanks for so vividly detailing something so personal. That ‘it happened the way it happened’ is so powerful – on an intellectual level I find it easy to accept ‘the moving finger having writ’ but the inability to ‘lure it back to cancel half a line’ – that’s where I needed this advice.

    I’m in a town I don’t want to stay in, and I’ve been feeling like a cat that doesn’t want to be in a carrier, flailing and angry – neither of which brings me any closer to constructive alternatives or a peaceful acceptance. Working on ‘it happened the way it happened’, letting go, and moving forward – not there yet, but getting there.

  22. This is the first time I’ve thought about pain and suffering being different things. I’ve come up with this analogy — pain is like a fever. The general feeling is to get rid of a fever quickly, but fevers help up destroy toxins in the body. So, I’m going to try to be more present with my pain and let it do its job. Thank you for this.

  23. This was a great post. There are definitely a lot of things that I have gone through in the past that I let drag down my present and even affect my future. After reading this, it really did make me sit down and reflect on some of the things that have happened and how I have allowed them to alter moves I make within my life. I am and have always been a firm believer that no matter how bad an event affects you, something good does come out of it…a lesson.

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