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How to Fight Your Fears

Photo by Krisztina Tordai at http://flickr.com/photos/remaraphotography2/1365331282/
Photo by Krisztina Tordai

Fear is one of my favorite topics. Much of my time has been spent understanding this emotion and how I can overcome my personal fears. A sense of personal empowerment, accomplishment, and fulfillment surges with each fear I face.

The most important fact about fears that we should always bear in mind is this: Fear is not a rational response to whatever challenges stare at us in life. And it is all in our mind, within us, and not anything external to us.

The purpose of fear is to protect us from life threatening circumstances. For example: to run away when there’s a bear chasing us, or to be careful when handling live electric wires.

Fear can cause us to make an irrational response to challenges we face. Fear imposes limits on our minds, removing our clarity and leaving only negative thought patterns. Fear causes us to act emotionally because we panic, our mind shuts down and we respond instinctively to protect ourselves and our egos.

Fear hinders us in situations where there is no direct threat to life, but we might perceive a threat to our life as we know it. Fear of failure is one of the most crippling emotions that can limit your potential in life. Fear of social censure makes one feel lonely. Fear of heights takes away the joy of reaching mountain peaks and touching the clouds.

A personal story: I started photographing people, because I had a deep fear of approaching people and capturing intimate moments. I used to tell myself these stories: “I wasn’t good enough” and “Why would anyone take me, an inexperienced photographer seriously?”. I essentially created this fear because I didn’t want to “look stupid”. I eventually conquered this fear by doing it despite the fear. I used to regularly approach strangers on the street and ask to take their portraits. The first time I did this, I was shaking so hard, the picture came out blurry, but what I gained was priceless: Momentum towards a new skill and eliminating a fear. I learned that the more you do what you fear, the less you will fear it! Now, two years later, I shoot people portraits professionally and have been published in several publications for my portrait work.


Here are some tried and tested tips on how to fight your fears:

• “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” – The best method to fight any fear is to take positive action against whatever it is that you are afraid of. Is fear of failure stopping you from learning that new skill? Go ahead and learn it! This is what courage is all about: to act despite the fear. (I highly recommend Susan Jeffer’s book)

• Educate Yourself – Learn more and more about the object that you are afraid of. You want to chuck your job and plunge into your own business, but are afraid of the risks involved? Then the best way to reduce the fears is to consciously learn about the business in as much depth as you can. Preparation increases confidence and calms those butterflies in the stomach. Just be aware of “Analysis-paralysis” (I will cover this topic in more depth in future posts from my own experience.).

• Affirmations - Use self-affirmations that give a positive spin to whatever it is that you fear. Write these self-affirmations on a stick-it note where it is easily visible. Say you are afraid of criticism from others, then one possible self-affirmation could be – “I am outstanding. I must be outstanding for all the people I will help.”


• Visualization – Positive visualization is projecting an image of yourself overcoming your fears, and is a powerful technique to fight your fears. If you are afraid of your boss, visualize that your boss is smiling at you, appreciating you, and complimenting you of a job well done. Keep this image in your mind firmly.

• “What’s the Worst Case Scenario?” – Often when this question is asked, you realize how silly the fear is. Example, if you are afraid to ask someone out on a date, what’s the worst that could happen? The other person saying “No”? It’s not that bad, right? One of my most enlightening realizations is recognizing that “I have nothing to lose”.

In my experience, we can always fight our fears, win, and get ahead in life.
What do you think?

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61 Responses (38 Comments, 23 Trackbacks ):

Comments

  1. Raymond

    Oct 20 07, 3:33 am PDT

    1

    Hi Tina,

    Thanks for your fear tips.

    Visualization and Affirmation is still my favorite method, so far. :)

  2. Junelle

    Oct 20 07, 5:22 am PDT

    2

    I agree with you, I think it’s only fear that hinders us towards success.

    I like the way you state your story, I could really feel your emotion during the first time you faced your fear and its good to know that you became successful after you made that first step.

    Great awakening post :)

  3. Abe

    Oct 20 07, 9:39 am PDT

    3

    As I am reading this, the headlines here in Manila talk about 8 people and scores of others wounded in a blast in Makati, the country’s premier business district. I think whoever did this carnage want a single thing – instill fear deep within us. For me, terrorists won’t succeed if we know how to conquer fear. I hope this blog will make them (the terrorist) irrelevant.

    Thanks for the inspiration,

    Abe

  4. Tina Su

    Oct 20 07, 8:40 am PDT

    4

    Hi Raymond, I can’t stress enough the power of affirmations and visualization sessions. Thanks for your comment!

  5. Tina Su

    Oct 20 07, 8:41 am PDT

    5

    Thank you Junelle for your encouraging words. Much appreciated.

  6. Tina Su

    Oct 20 07, 12:09 pm PDT

    6

    Hi Abe, I enjoyed reading your thoughtful input and insight into Manila. Interesting. :) Thanks for commenting and reading. Much appreciated!

  7. Rouel

    Oct 21 07, 12:26 am PDT

    7

    Very nice blog! You expounded on the subject very well. Nice article and a great read. Thanks for sharing..

  8. Tina Su

    Oct 21 07, 2:40 am PDT

    8

    Thank you Rouel! Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate the kind words.

  9. Richard

    Oct 25 07, 8:04 pm PDT

    9

    This is a wonderful post given how everywhere we turn now days someone is peddling another fear. Congratulations on facing your fears, and thank you for sharing this with the world.

  10. Tina Su

    Oct 25 07, 8:07 pm PDT

    10

    Thank you Richard! :)

  11. ToddSchafer

    Oct 28 07, 11:13 pm PDT

    11

    Asking people to take their photograph, especially in this day and age when everybody fears intrusion, is quite a skill.

  12. hey don

    Oct 29 07, 12:34 pm PDT

    12

    Tina, great article on fear. It’s been an emotion which has caused me great anxiety. I’m learning to act in spite of my fears. Also, I used to fear getting fired. Hey, I’ve been fired a few times now . . . !!! And I’ve also seen where I’ve been right on issues, too. That has helped give me confidence and fight my fears.

  13. Tina Su

    Oct 29 07, 10:40 pm PDT

    13

    Hi Todd Schafer,

    Thank you! It was really challenging for me and really scary when going up to people. As I decide that I’m about to go approach someone, my mind would start to shout out reasons why I should not. Fighting through the voices in your head is the challenging part. But once I do it a few times, the voice lowers in volume… I still hear it.. but it just doesn’t bother me anymore. :)

  14. Tina Su

    Oct 29 07, 10:42 pm PDT

    14

    Hi Don!

    Thanks for being so open in sharing this with us. I appreciate it. I used to have that fear too when I got my first job. Not sure where that fear stems from. Do you still have this fear? I highly recommend the book “Feel the fear and do it anyways.”

  15. Jeremiah

    Oct 31 07, 12:47 am PDT

    15

    Hi,
    Your advice on fighting fear is very effective, especially with affirmations and visualisations. Susan Jeffers’ book ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ is a must for any person who experiences fear about anything.

  16. Tina Su

    Nov 01 07, 2:51 pm PDT

    16

    Hi Jeremiah, Thanks for stopping by our little virtual home here at ‘Think Simple. Be Decisive.’ and I appreciate your comment. :) Yes, that book is fantastic. I think I’m gonna pick it up again to soon, extract out some of the techniques it teaches and maybe share some of them here with readers. Thanks Jeremiah!

  17. Liz Fuller

    Nov 02 07, 3:56 pm PDT

    17

    Hi Tina
    What a great article – gives some great strategies for getting us back into our rational brain and taking control of our fear.

    I found you on the Working at Home on the Internet Carnival
    http://workingathomeinternet.com/WP/2007/11/02/working-at-home-blog-carnival-fifty-seventh-edition/

  18. Michael @ Freshome

    Nov 16 07, 4:05 am PDT

    18

    “I used to regularly approach strangers on the street and ask to take their portraits. The first time I did this, I was shaking so hard, the picture came out blurry, but what I gained was priceless: Momentum towards a new skill and eliminating a fear.”

    This parahraph was trully beautiful, I almost felt that I was there with the camera in my hand.

  19. CG Walters

    Nov 25 07, 3:24 pm PDT

    19

    Very good…thank you..
    Additionally, having our mind in a state of fear has our body charged with adrenalin (which wears on th body, ages it). Some of us are actually adrenalin junkies, therefore subconsiouslly generating fears because we cannot abide coming down.

  20. Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker

    Nov 25 07, 9:47 pm PDT

    20

    One more question to ask yourself might be, “What’s the best thing that can happen when I conquer my fear?” Freedom, joy, gratitude, new experiences, new people to meet?

  21. Prabhu Bhaskar

    Nov 26 07, 9:36 pm PDT

    21

    gr8 article on ‘Fear’

  22. Tina Su

    Nov 27 07, 9:30 pm PDT

    22

    @Liz Fuller: Thanks for the comment Liz.

    @Michael: Hi Michael, Aww… what a nice comment. Thanks for making me smile with your kind words.

    @CG Walters: Hmm.. I hadn’t thought of the adrenalin junkies factor. Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

    @Patricia: That’s a great question to ask. I’ll keep that in mind for the next article on Fear. Thanks for your input.

    @Prabhu: thank you.

  23. Luis Merino

    Dec 23 07, 3:24 pm PDT

    23

    Perfect article, I like it very much. I’d to add to “I have nothing to lose” another way to say it: “I already have the no (to the answer)” but look at this one in a possitive way.

  24. Princess

    Jan 16 08, 10:43 pm PDT

    24

    Hi Tina
    Thanks so much for enlightening my mind with regard to dealing with my fear and guilt. I am a fearful person and full of guilt and i hate it. The worst thing is that I rather chose to cancel/edit the right story just to avoid discussion and more question which turns out that I’m lying. I also have that feeling that even though I have not done anything wrong but my mind is pushing me to feel guilty as if I’ve done it. I don’t know … That’s why i will try the steps you shared and pray that i’m going to overcome it. How I wish that my partner will understand my situation and help me get rid of this feeling which is not supposed control my life.
    Thanks so much for sharing.

  25. jd

    Feb 14 08, 1:10 am PDT

    25

    Hey Tina –

    I think this is one of your best posts — your personal story along with your insights is just the right touch.

    I’ve always agreed with the saying, “the only thing to fear is fear itself.”

    Sadly, fear wins an amazing number of battles without having to ever lift a finger … yet, it tends to readily back down when challenged.

    One of my favorite insights goes something like this …
    “Don’t be afraid to die. Be afraid to have never lived.”

  26. Anthony

    Jul 03 08, 9:00 pm PDT

    26

    Great read-fear kills me, yet perks me up at the same time because of how Batman comes to use it in the DC universe. :-)

    Visualization always frustrates me though…..citing an example from back in high school-I’d picture girls I had a crush on saying all the right things, actually liking my presence, holding hands, going out with me etc.

    Only to find that all went BLATANTLY the other direction…

    Oh well-I’ve been out for awhile..gotta look forward to a new life on non-fear sometime…

    I find my biggest fears lies in arguments online-and showing off my creative work to others..I run from the former, and keep the latter to myself..

    But damn it-I’m gonna and wanna suck it up someday and say, “Hey Mr. Ornstein-HERE I AM!”

  27. Jelena

    Sep 14 08, 7:02 am PDT

    27

    Hi Tina,

    I really liked your article ^_^ its really inspiring to see the way you overcame your fear. Unfortunatelly I kept finding myself uncapable dealing with particular fear I have — it always comes to rear its ugly head. Each time I end up acting irrational and destroying relationship I have. I act over emotional, my mind shuts down, its crazy really. I become emotionally out of control.

    I’m going to follow your advice and act despite a fear. I really wanna make it this time and make challanging situation I’m facing into positive one. I wanna deal with it in a mature and healthy way, and deal with my feelings in a way that will create positive experience. I dont want fear to stop me from living my dream. I’m going to make this particular fear I have that’s holding me back into an opportunity and embrace it.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, It really helped me.
    xox

  28. Nicholas Powiull

    Nov 02 08, 5:08 am PDT

    28

    I heard once that the real sense and meaning of the word FEAR could be broken down like this:

    F=False

    E=Evidence

    A=Appearing

    R=Real

    When I first heard that description of fear a long time ago, I said to myself “That seems to speak truth within me, but if fear is false then why does it seem so real?

    I determined that real is just a sense (a belief, a perspective, a expectation, which gives rise to what is experienced), it means nothing “in and of” itself. Like a dream seems real while you are having it, until you wake up.

    Every time I see, one of those stickers that read, “Fear this!” I laugh and think to myself how silly it is to fear anything inside this dream. Why would you want people to fear you anyhow? I mean looking into the history of the world, people have done some shocking and destructive things while under the influence of fear!

  29. Chine

    Jan 02 09, 3:41 am PDT

    29

    I’m always sacred to return to school. My course freaks me out, and i don’t know what to do. Please someone helpme.

  30. Bob

    Mar 21 09, 12:28 am PDT

    30

    Great advice.
    Personally, what has helped me immensely in overcoming many of my fears is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy(REBT). REBT immediately came to mind after reading this paragraph:
    “The most important fact about fears that we should always bear in mind is this: Fear is not a rational response to whatever challenges stare at us in life. And it is all in our mind, within us, and not anything external to us.”
    That quote excellently sums up REBT. If you’ve never heard of REBT, then I suggest looking into it. It has profoundly changed my life for the better.

  31. rk

    Jun 03 09, 4:40 pm PDT

    31

    hi tina

    i feel it good thank u nd i need a help from u plzz telmme how to creat trust on my girlfriend?

  32. Kailyn

    Jul 12 09, 10:22 am PDT

    32

    I’m shaking so much because I promised my friend I would go on a water ride called “The valley of fear” Today and I’m going soon and it’s sooo scary…and I just searched up “How to loose fear and get confidence” Heh…well…Wish me luck guys and who’s ever reading this!!

  33. Mike Brown

    Sep 06 09, 9:40 am PDT

    33

    Ive got a fear, that somebody is out to harm or hurt me. I dont know who they are, where there from. But im scared out my life, im looking out my window every day and seeing really mean looking men. The sort that could crush a scull. Im so scared i cant leave house. The sad thing is i aint done nothing wrong to nobody, n when I come to think about it I come up with all sorts of daft reasons, nothing to justify the extent of my fears. I just want to live in peace with my girlfriend. Any advice for that sort of fear.

  34. Miss Always Carried Away

    Oct 20 09, 8:46 am PDT

    34

    I absolutely need to follow these rules. Normally I’m very confident but I have had some bad moments lately and from time to time I need someone to encourage me to follow my dreams. I actually added you everywhere I could! I really need a person like you right now in my life.

  35. Sami Nashabeh

    Mar 20 11, 12:49 am PDT

    35

    this article is beyong the expression :D
    it’s amazing :)

  36. catherine njemanze

    Jun 01 11, 6:42 am PDT

    36

    after had read ur aticle based on fear i became more strong and i can overcome every challenge that comes on my way.

  37. keri

    Nov 15 11, 9:51 pm PDT

    37

    Wow i think this is the coolest website, this was exactly what i was looking for, thank you soooooooooo much, i just hope and pray i can overcome my fears as well, …….. thanks again keri

  38. sandy

    Feb 10 13, 4:20 am PDT

    38

    Please help me ??? I’m scared of the ship I work on sinking. I’m scared of water and I can’t swim !!! What should I do ??? I work on a cruise ship I will be at sea for months. The longest I’ve ever done is week and that was only over the Atlantic to florida but this time we are going the other side of the world. .. I’m scared something mine happen , terrorists attack, sinking , drowning !!

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