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How to Find Your True Love

Photo by Kris Kesiak
But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous. ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Dating was never easy for me. In fact, I didn’t have my first date until my senior year of high school and that was because my brother wanted me to meet the person he had found to take me to prom.

Sad beginnings, I know.

And it really didn’t get much better for me until a long time after that “first date.” My attraction blunders were many.

I’ve sent candy and roses to men I’ve been interested in, begged a elementary school crush to consider me as a third girlfriend (yes, he actually had two others), and even chased away would be interested men because I was so happy to be asked out. I took the reins and tried to speed up the process, which ultimately just halted it all together.

I was completely clueless at what it actually took to attract the man of my dreams.

A Long Journey

It was a long journey for me, but fast forward to today: I am married to a supportive and awesome husband. A lot of people I grew up with are still baffled at how I stumbled upon such a loving husband who thinks the world of me.

Although it seems like pure chance and luck, I know that the reason I have the relationship I have today is because of three strategies that took me from being the neediest woman in the room to the most desired.

If you are like me, sometimes the simplest strategies are the ones we overlook and don’t take as seriously, because it just seems too simple to work.

But the number one thing I did was to love myself.

1. Who Do You Love?

Do you truly love yourself? What are your thoughts about you? I can honestly say that back in elementary school and high school, my thoughts about myself weren’t as positive as they are today.

I identified myself as being smart, but I never took the time to see myself as attractive and deserving of someone who would love me unconditionally.

I always placed men on a pedestal and saw all the great things in them but never really thought about what I had to bring to the table. Their goals and priorities were always at the top of the list.

I was afraid to be myself, because I was too afraid that by being myself I would become less attractive to the opposite sex. But in reality I found that by being your full self, you allow the best to come out of you, because that’s what God has intended for you to be.

And the only way to truly love yourself is to be yourself unashamedly. Live in your truth. Your truth may continually mature and elevate, but if you can live in your truth now, you become your most attractive self.

By being yourself completely, I have found you attract those people who are authentic and can appreciate who you are.

That’s what happened to me. When I stopped hiding in a shell or cover that I thought was appealing and allowed myself to be myself and love myself, I received more attention almost instantly.

No longer did I need to put men on pedestals, because I was enough. No longer did I need to do things to get his attention because it automatically happened once I paid more attention to myself and what I wanted in life. I was loving myself more fully than ever.

2. There’s No Comparison

Another big roadblock that prevented eligible men from seeing me as someone they would like to date is my constant comparison of myself to others. Growing up, my younger sister was seen as the beautiful one, and I was considered the smart one.

It seemed that I spent most of my life comparing myself to her and others in this one-sided false competition.

I was very jealous of the many dates she had. While I sat and read books on my weekends, it appeared to me that she was having the time of her life. I really couldn’t see what value I had or  appreciate my life.

I’ve found when you compare yourself to others, you can’t win. You will never be able to be the best of someone else — you can only be the best you.

I learned that everyone isn’t looking for the newest iPhone; some people want an Android or just a simple flip phone.

If everyone was looking for the same things; all houses, cars and, careers would look alike, which we know is not the case.

I had to learn that by being the best me, there was no one who could compete with me, because I am unique. (And you are too.)

By being our unique selves, we are able to attract the right person, because it draws in those people who are enamored by us.

3. Let Go

I think this one is my favorite one. Sometimes you have to let go to get more.

My constant chasing and trying to prove myself to men only served to get me the opposite effect that I wanted.

They could sense I was desperate and needy. No one wants to be around this type of person, because it is very draining. It’s like they are barely keeping their head above water and by connecting to them, you are being pulled down by the same weight.

In order to authentically let go, I really had to use the first strategy of loving myself. Because once I truly loved myself and appreciated who I was as an individual (strategy two), I didn’t feel a need to prove myself to anyone.

I could finally let go and allow the right type of man to come into my life. And once he was there, because I had built a solid foundation, he fell in love with me more and more each day.

By valuing myself, my husband’s attraction intensified, and I was creating a bond that could not be easily broken.

I actually found that by being the person of my dreams, meeting the person of my dreams really wasn’t that difficult at all.

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About the author

Robyn Lee teaches women advanced attraction techniques through her  free 10 part mini course  on how to attract, keep, and make a man fall in love with you authentically. Robyn Lee is the founder of Relationship Blackbook, a dating and relationship website for women who want to create the relationship of their dreams.

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3 thoughts on How to Find Your True Love

  1. Thank you for writing this!

  2. IBikeNYC

    Thank you for this lovely reminder.

    I’m on this journey right now myself and am glad to say it’s FINALLY no longer first about Meeting A Man but rather about Meeting ME!

    I did my own versions of the candy-and-roses thing and cringe and ache every time I think about those times and how I was feeling about myself then.

    I do so want to have a loving companion with whom to share all of life’s adventures but, to quote Judge Lynn, I want to come correct!

  3. Great post. I love the quote you used at the beginning. It’s amazing how true it is that we train people how to treat us. Only when we love ourselves can we know what to teach.
    -Tara

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