How to Free Yourself from Guilt

60 Comments

Have you recently felt guilty for something you didn’t do? Guilty for not replying to emails? Guilty for not reaching all your goals for the day? Guilty for having spent hours browsing the web aimlessly and not having enough time to do something important? Guilty for telling someone you’d call, but never returning the call? Do you beat yourself up for it?

I’m definitely guilty of having felt guilty. :) I’m also guilty for the self-inflicted mental beating I give myself, afterwards.

Thoughts like these have the power to bring you down. They carry an energy that weighs down on your mind, because part of you is constantly thinking about it. The guilt begins popping up in everything you do. Do you get random tightness feeling in your stomach, that you just can’t seem to get rid of?

I’ve experienced a great amount of guilt over the past few weeks. Since the birth of this blog, I’ve fallen in love with working on the blog and connecting with people. For all the joy it has brought me, it has taken a tremendous amount of dedication and time. Since I was not prepared for the commitment for blog, I have been neglecting my other commitments and activities. My neglect has been manifesting in feelings of guilt.

The experience of guilt is also a great gift. It gave me the opportunity and willingness to look deeper into this ‘man-made’ emotion. I wanted to share with you my realizations and a simple six step technique I’ve developed to help myself overcome this.

Realizations about guilt:

Self Inflicted - All guilt is self-inflicted and created by the mind. It is a feeling that we choose to experience. The feeling is rooted in our ego; a fear of not being accepted by the peers in our social group.
Open Issue - Guilt is often caused by open issues that were not addressed. I discovered that if I had a plan for solving the issue, then the feeling would be either relieved or reduced.
Feeling of Debt - Often times, we feel guilty out of a debt in our lives. Whether it’s social debt, monetary debt, or unfulfilled responsibilities. I bet you can relate. Sometimes, I feel that I owe someone a favor that I just haven’t done. One example is not calling a friend after you promised you would do so.
In my life, I have felt guilty that I wasn’t able to publish as many articles as I would like to. I felt that I owed the readers a weekly Friday article. I just couldn’t get it off my mind. I realized that I don’t owe anybody anything. This blog is a manifestation of my self-expression and personal mission. I should write when I’m inspired and able to do so.
More Beneath the Surface - The perceived problem causing the guilt is just on the surface. Typically, there are unresolved issues or other meaning beneath what we see on the surface. Ask yourself - what are these issues? By addressing the surface, the guilt might seem to disappear, but it’ll be back. The problem will surface again, dressed in another form but rooted in the same underlying issue.
The best strategy is to uncover the underlying issue. For example, I felt guilty for not attending a party, especially after some peer pressure from friends. The underlying issue may be that, “I want to be liked and accepted by my friends, I’m afraid that they’ll stop liking me if I don’t go to the party. I need their friendship in order to validate myself.”

One way to address the underlying issue for this example can be: find ways to feel whole and complete about myself without the need to be validated by other people. Practice building self confidence and self appreciation.

Summary for Dealing with Guilt:

Fully Experiencing the Feeling - As with overcoming any emotion, the best way is to fully experience the feeling. Spend a few minutes in uninterrupted space, close your eyes, now fully and deeply feel the guilt surge over you. Witness it as a third-person. It will probably hurt, but just be with it, it’s an experience that will help you overcome the feeling. As you fully witness the feeling, you will notice the feeling slowly fade away.
Seek to Understand Why - We know that there are more beneath the surface for why we feel guilt in the first place. Ask yourself why? Why are you choosing to allow guilt into your life? What is it about this feeling that is serving you and your ego?
Focus on What You Can Do Now - Focus on things you can do now, instead of things you have not done. Guilt is often regretting something you did not do in the past, so recognize that we cannot change time. If we cannot go back to the past, then why are we spending energy pondering the past?
Brainstorm Action Items - What are some tasks you can do to remove this feeling of guilt? Write them down.
Prioritize - Once you have your list of action items, prioritize them in order of importance. What will cause the greatest relief of your pain? Put a number beside each item.
Planning and Scheduling - Once you have your list of action items prioritized, schedule them into your calendar. Plan to tackle each one of these items, with the high priority tasks first.
Be Realistic - Realize that you only have a set amount of time each day. Be realistic with what you plan to get done. Please be gentle with yourself, don’t give yourself a hard time if you cannot achieve them. Focus on the high priority items. Think 80/20 rule: What action items will give me the biggest return for my time?

6 Step Process for Resolving Self-Inflicted Guilt

The following is a simple technique I used to overcome these feelings.

(I know there are other techniques out there and I’d love to hear about them. Share with us in the comments.)

Step 1: Create Your Guilt List

On a blank sheet of paper, write at the top: “Things I feel guilty about:”, and list out all the things you feel guilty about. For each item, use a separate line and leave a gap underneath each one (space for 3-4 lines).

Keep writing until you run out of guilt-related thoughts. Do not edit your thoughts. Write down whatever comes to mind. Use multiple pages if necessary. Use only one side of the page, so it’s easy to review this list later.

The idea is to get these thoughts out of your head. You have been carrying these thoughts around and they take up space in your mind. This exercise attempts to clear out some of these thoughts. By having them laid out on paper, we can see them clearly, and come face-to-face with our self-inflicted guilt thoughts.

When I did this, I was shocked at how long my list was. Examples from my own list:

Not enough time in a day to do what I want
I’m not spending time reading or meditating. I’ve lost myself.
Not writing enough articles. So many unwritten articles.
Sleeping too late. Not going to bed after Adam waits up for me.

Step 2: Brainstorm Your Guilt Battle Plan

For each guilt, ask yourself, “What can I do about it?”

In the space under each item in your list (from Step 1), describe the actions that you can take to eliminate or reduce this guilt. You might have to break the actions into smaller steps.

Example, list of actions to address my “not spending time reading or meditation” guilt:

Schedule reading time daily, minimum of 30 minutes.
Minimum of 5-15 minutes every morning to meditate (sit quietly)
Wake up earlier
Sleep earlier

If you’ve tried, but can’t find a resolving action, then list out positive and realistic statements to reason with this guilt. Example, statements for my “Not writing enough articles” guilt:

I am doing the best that I can.
I write when I am inspired. It’s okay to post twice weekly as long as I maintain consistency and quality.

Step 3: Create Your Values List

On a new blank sheet of paper, write at the top: “Aspects of My Life That Are Most Important to Me:” or “What I Value Most:”. List out things most important to you, starting from the most important. I used the term things broadly, which can be replaced with people, feelings, opportunities, actions, and commitments that you value. Similarly, for each item, use a separate line and leave a gap under each item.

Imagine, if you can have only one thing out of life, what would that thing be? Write down the first thing that pops in your head. Do not edit your thoughts. Now, repeat the question with “if you can have two things”. It’s important to write without editing.

Here’s a partial list for what I value most:

Feeling present, calm, peaceful, healthy, energetic and centered.
My family: my parents and my partner, Adam.
My blog: readers, connecting with readers, providing value.
My job and business.
My friends.

Step 4: How to Fuel Your Values

For each item you most value, list out action items you would like to do which contributes towards that item.

Example, for my most valued item, “Feeling centered, peaceful, energetic.”, some action items are:

Meditation and quite time
Planning and Journaling
Reading time.
Exercise: Jogging and rebounding.
Drinking water.
Orderly living space.

Step 5: Create Your Guilt Reduction Action Plan

On a new sheet of paper, write at the top “Things I Will Plan For” or “Things I Would Like to Do Regularly”.

Scan through the action items from both lists. You might find some common action items that exist from both lists. Write these action items out on a separate sheet of paper. These are the higher priority action items that will give you the biggest return for your time, since they contribute towards things most important to you as well. You can list disjoint items as well, but mark them as lower priority.

Example, some common items I see from my lists are:

Sleeping early and waking up early.
Reading time
Meditation & quiet time
Reduce email & web browsing time

For me, it became apparent that if I just addressed these items, the quality of my life will increase significantly. Not only will I reduce self-inflicted guilt, but I will also contribute towards the aspects of my life that I value most.

Step 6: Habituate Your Guilt Reduction Actions

Put a weekly schedule beside each item from step 5. Even if you don’t do follow it, this will create the space in your awareness which will allow positive change to happen.

Example,

Meditation: minimum daily quiet time of 5-15 minutes. I will also do Nithya Dhyaan meditation twice a week (Sundays and Wednesdays).
Reading: 30 minutes - 1 hour daily.
Sleep: go to bed before 1am daily.

We often don’t do the tasks that we want to do, because we don’t create the time.

Take one action item that will make the biggest difference to your wellbeing. Make it your highest priority and commit to doing it everyday for the week.

It’s important to focus on one action item at a time, so that you can turn it into a habit, before moving on to the next.

I wish you success. Let me know how it goes.

Lastly

Regardless of what we think the external circumstances are, the real cause of guilt lies within ourselves. We have the power to choose what to focus our attention on, but we often react instinctively and forget to control our perspective. And in the reactive patterns, we unconsciously give attention to guilt and accidentally welcome it into our inner space.

It is possible to stop yourself in your reaction, and witness your inner space as you react. With practice and conscious awareness, it is possible to undo our conditioning for instant reaction, and eventually eliminate guilt completely.

Editor’s note: This article took about 3 weeks to complete, as I have been dealing with this self-inflicted guilt the entire time. I’ve created this simple six step process in dealing with my personal feelings. I have tested and refined the process myself, and I am noticing a positive shift in my state of mind. I hope you may find it helpful in your life.

Allowing ourselves to make changes in our lives for the better takes real courage. What is the one action you would like take to eliminate some guilt in your life? I know that you will have the courage in you to follow through.

For your courage, I applaud you.

What is one guilt you are feeling now (or felt recently)? What actions can you take to free yourself from it? Share your thoughts in the comments.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg or bookmark it on del.icio.us. I appreciate your support. :)

Other Articles You May Like:

60 Responses (43 Comments, 17 Trackbacks ):

Comments

John

Dec 20 07, 5:59 am PST

1
Great post. I use a rather odd combination myself. These days what I do is welcome the feelings of guilt in and just accept them as they are. Once that happens, the intensity is much less. After that, I can usually let them go, after I’ve “gotten the message”. Once the guilt feelings are less intense, I have the breathing room to decide what to do and how to do it, if necessary.

Alternately, I think back to the Robert Heinlein quote: “When the ship lifts, all bills are paid. No regrets”. Doesn’t work so well with ongoing problems, but remembering that prolonged feelings of guilt don’t benefit me or anyone else does help to keep in mental balance. If the matter is closed and nothing can really be done to correct the problem, then the best thing that can be done is to forgive yourself and do better in the future.
Personal Development for the Book Smart

Dec 20 07, 6:00 am PST

2
That’s a very comprehensive article, Tina. I’m going to print it out to have a good read. Thanks!

In the meantime, you may find this article interesting:

Are these 3 Fears holding you back from Success?

Personal Development for the Book Smart | RichGrad.com
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

Dec 20 07, 6:30 am PST

3
A very timely post, Tina. Practical and solid, stepping into an arena not many dare to enter… kudos to your courage!

Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
Buzzing with Ange

Dec 20 07, 6:45 am PST

4
I have been pondering on focus and re-focus and wrote about it just now. I feel much the way you do about my blog and the connection I have to it… wanting to spend time with it and developing it into something grand! Then the guilt comes in that I haven’t been spending the time with my kids and sitting at my laptop instead.

Balance is key and letting go of the guilt in order to do this is paramount in making sure that my kids are happy and that I am happy! It sure does make life a lot easier.

Great post!
K Stone

Dec 20 07, 7:18 am PST

5
Oh, do I suffer from this too! I recently added daily meditation and even though I don’t always stick to it exactly, it really make a big difference when I do. It’s pretty magical.
Robert @ reason4smile

Dec 20 07, 7:36 am PST

6
Hi Tina,

Thanks for sharing your struggle here, blogging takes me much time as well, and sometimes makes me feeling guilty on some other responsibilities that I left behind.
Recently, I felt guilty of repeating a particular mistake again, few times I’m beating myself down because of the way I’m not learning from my past experiences. It does troubled me as I’m more focused on my mistake and my past, it’s a waste of time.

Then, I wrote a message on tips not to beat yourself. Inside, I shared about visualizing my dream (of being a leader) under construction,

It’s a power of forgiving yourself for the mistakes that you have made, It’s believing that God is still working on me in achieving my dream, and as what you said here, I will focus on the power of now, what I can do now to learn from my mistake and not to repeat it again in the future.

Thanks for spending your valuable time for this blog, it’s a great gift for all the readers here!

Merry Christmas to you!
Raymond

Dec 20 07, 8:09 am PST

7
I have to admit that once in a while, I have these kinds of guilt too. It’s great to see the solutions that you have shared here. I shall try it. :)
randy

Dec 20 07, 9:07 am PST

8
guilt is like a horse that never tires.

good post!
Post On Fire

Dec 20 07, 10:37 am PST

9
I think every one has experienced the feeling of guilt at least once. When I get that feeling I just pray and I feel better right away.
gale

Dec 20 07, 10:38 am PST

10
many people do not realize that to get over some difficult emotional times, we have to let it wash over us completely - just like you said. many of us often feel certain emotions in pangs and waves instead, which causes much confusion. ironically, i find that when i totally submerge myself in some feelings, it’s easier to come out clean. another great post tina, keep up the strong blogging!
cognitive distortion
Dec 20 07, 11:24 am PST

11
Great article. I recently finished listening to David Allen’s Getting Things Done, and while it’s a bit of a hipster trend to do so, I enjoyed the section he had in there on guilt. He compares the let down feeling when someone tells us they will be at an event at 5pm and don’t show up until 6 to our own guilt. That feeling of let down, we experience on a daily basis if we don’t follow through with our plans (to do lists, commitments, work, school). He believes the guilt stems from breaking that contract to follow through with ourselves and feels about as bad as the person not showing up on time. Thus, a person with so much to do, does nothing and curls up like a ball on the couch channel surfing, downing snacks to make it all go away, when they’d be best suited to follow through with some of their personal agreements even if it was just deciding how to go about them.
Jean Browman - Cheerful Monk

Dec 20 07, 11:59 am PST

12
I do better just getting curious, tuning in to the feelings, and listening to what they’re trying to tell me. I talk about this in Holy Curiosity.

You also might like Joe Vitale’s 15 Minute Miracle. He says the way to connect with the Divine is to keep repeating: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.” I’ve been trying it, and it works for me.
Jan Cervinka

Dec 20 07, 1:06 pm PST

13
Thanks for great article. I can so see myself in it.
Sierra

Dec 20 07, 1:13 pm PST

14
Regarding Summary for Dealing with Guilt/point 3: If we don’t think deep about what we have done in order to find out what our real mistake consists of, then we can’t face the future.
I think that 90% of the people don’t care about things in general. They are not interested in their mistakes or the feeling of guilt, so they can’t evolve, repeating the same mistake over and over again, making the others around suffer.
If you have the feeling of guilt it means that you must have done something that contradicts your principles. In other words you really did a mistake, so you have to take the responsibility and fix it.
rman
Dec 20 07, 1:24 pm PST

15
I’m sitting here with a thousand things to do, including going to the gym to lose this weight I’ve promised myself I’d lose. This is the last chance I’m going to have to go to the gym this year, otherwise I will have to wait until January. However, I have a project that needs finishing and I still need to pack for my vacation. It sounds absurd writing this, but I feel overwhelmed with things that need doing, just so that I can go on holiday. I don’t think I will make it to the gym, or finish everything I need to tonight. Some things are just going to have to wait. Thanks for writing this post. It’s helped me take a moment to realize my situation is my own creation and that I continue to have power over it, as long as I don’t allow it to have power over me.
Sebastian
Dec 20 07, 2:14 pm PST

16
Guilt is interest on a debt that need never be repaid.

Applying a set of rules to deal with it simply provides another avenue for guilt to enter one’s life as such rules will undoubtedly be compromised given competing interests. Most of humanity understands right from wrong, good from bad while living somewhat selfish yet ethical and moral lives. Perfection in deed and thought are unattainable. We should all strive to find satisfaction in that actions taken - or not - are correct at the time. Revisiting our actions with a subjective eye at a convenient time with hope of comprehension is the best we can do.

If we have transgressed against another a word of apology, understanding or empathy will suffice as true acceptance and forgiveness have no time limit. Guilt will often interrupt our desire to speak of a perceived transgression out of shame. Let go of guilt, the fear of admission and make amends if needed. We all have our hand in the cookie jar on occasion.

As a last thought, the idea of one’s “inner space” is or at least should be utterly foreign in nature. No human ever born has possessed that which another has not. We are all very much the same both inside and out - Each of us with the ability to soar as an angel or torment like a devil. How else might the concept of guilt exist? Our differences may the spice of life but our similarities are the meal. Bon appetit.
Roger

Dec 20 07, 2:28 pm PST

17
Hi Tina
This is an important topic and I like the way you have approached it here - lots of good ideas and suggestions.

I have found that some of the guilt I feel connects back to messages I was given as a child - they seem to represent some of my areas of susceptibility to guilt. I have posted about this myself recently ( Guilty Or Not Guilty - Does It Matter ?). It helps me to remember that all guilt is in the past - it’s about things we did or didn’t do. When I can (and it’s certainly not all the time) I live in the present which has no guilt associated with it !
JEMi

Dec 20 07, 2:36 pm PST

18
You know, the funny thing about this posting is its timing. Today I saw a dear neighbor of mine - she’s about 50 years my senior and I love her to death. She always drops these major gems of wisdom before me and she informed me today that she will be moving within the next two weeks.
Anyway, one thing she and I spoke about today was guilt. The guilt that I harbor for a lot of things that have happened, things that were beyond my control- just about anything I don’t execute as planned. And to think I was taking a lot of what she told me and found alot of it in this posting..
This is a great posting and I will be sure to refer this to my readers in the near future on my blog because it really touches on something that can take over your happiness if you allow it to. Thank you for this Tina
Tom Stine
Dec 20 07, 6:01 pm PST

19
Nice post, Tina. I’ve found that most people are just too apt to wallow in their guilt instead of doing something, anything, with it. I agree with the comment above about submersing in it. A very effective technique.

Another very simple and easy thing to do is ask the following question: “have I punished myself enough for what I did or didn’t do?” Since guilt is self-punishment, go straight to it and ask if you want to keep suffering more, or are you willing to give it up, let it go? Works like a charm to release guilt.
Bryant
Dec 20 07, 6:08 pm PST

20
Guilt is addiction to errors and to err is human. Errors define the boundary of proper behaviour, or morality if you can swallow the word. When we continously do the “wrong” thing, that is not learning from our errors and when we cross that boundary, we develop guilt. And guilt is bonded to its other face “twin”, anger, for both are minted from the same “coin”. Guilt & anger are indivisible and once one is developed, the other comes with the territory for you cannot have one without the other. Whether we know it, like it, or not.

Guilt, sooner or later, will turn to anger and then, sooner or later, swings back to guilt. Much like Catholics do, if you can swallow that truth. To be guilty means one is aware of one’s error but instead of solving it by doing the “right” thing, the person keeps and repeats it. Error becomes addiction when we refuse to be moral and morality is not your finger-pointing nonsense, called moralising, the favourite pastime of the “topdogs”. Morality is that which is benelovent to ALL and has no judgemental or correctional aspects. We are who and what we are and Truth is what it is. Not what we imagine and project.

Humans can only learn when they witness, not act or react to, a given error, which is easily done for humans are mostly addicted to errors, otherwise known as hypocrisy. When we witness, we will see the truth, within a given matter, for what it is, and not what we rationalise it to be. When guilt is complemented by its anger “twin”, only then will it vanish. When we are truly balanced and Balance is the greatest known secret of the universes.

The way to counter and dissolve guilt & anger is to witness the error and not repeat it. To do that, Maturity is required which is based on Innocence & Wisdom and not the maturity which is derived from one’s ability to corrupt, copulate and rationalise. Children who have yet to develop subtlety & cruelty are extremely Wise & Mature, leaving their “adults” to be wise & mature about being guilty & angry or fearful & greedy. Innocence has no guilt & anger nor are they ill-mannered or full of pretentious “niceties” [unlike its clever & cunning smarty-pants worldly counterparts].

Accept the truth [by self-judging/introspectimg] and Truth will accept you and soon, you will become conscious, and thence aware, of all the absolutes surrounding you and will desist from being the power-monger for our relativities. Poor Relatives like guilt & anger, fear & greed, female & male, carbs & protien, hydrogen & oxygen, past & future and much, much more. When the potential & the kinetic within an aspect are one, we become absolute. Unlike those relatives within, say, religion, who has the truth [potential] but not the power [kinetic] which means that they cannot handle the truth or the “scientifics” who are full of power but do not have the truth which is why they can never handle the power. That which is absolute, has both the truth and the power and when that is so, it becomes unconditional love.

All relativities, like guilt & anger, say, are the byproducts of the 3 human minds, namely subjectivity, objectivity and projectivity. Evolution and Devolution knows exactly the score. One aims to sow unity, the other division. The unity of the brain expressed as detachment/Love and the discord of the 3 minds/2 “horns” expressed as attachment/”love”.
Deb

Dec 20 07, 6:09 pm PST

21
I struggle with guilt ALL THE TIME! Thanks for this… I’m sure they will help me. Merry Christmas!
nuggetbro

Dec 20 07, 6:19 pm PST

22
This is a fantastic article, which for a lot of people, will open eyes. While you feel guilty for an action, you are missing out on life time. This article will be added to my bookmarks. Thank you.
subcorpus

Dec 20 07, 11:32 pm PST

23
great article …
guilt has pushed me to do stuff that i regret later … more guilt again …
thanks for this …
appreciated …
step family angel

Dec 21 07, 3:33 am PST

24
Tina,
This is a great and very insightful way to handle a difficult emotion. Guilt can actually ruin our relationships, our life, and prevent us from living our real destiny.
Since I took my course NLP, it became easier to handle feelings of guilt. I often felt like I had been falling short in my responsibilities towards my daughter and my husband, and only after realising what was actually happening, I managed to become softer and more understanding towards myself. And that made that I became softer and more understanding towards other people too.
In my blog I write about the insights and new beliefs which made me into what I am today: a confident, happy mother and partner. Guilt is absolutely one of the difficulties I had to overcome before I got there.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights!
Corey

Dec 21 07, 5:21 am PST

25
I watch blogs for a while before I add them to my “Inspiration” links.

You have officially made it, (like its a big deal or anything). I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your writings and hopefully 2008 brings more ink to your pen!

Corey
David B. Bohl at SlowDownFAST.com

Dec 21 07, 9:10 am PST

26
Tina,

Many people live lives of quiet desperation due to feelings of guilt and shame. We fear that if we were to expose our true selves, then no one will love us. We believe that no one will understand what it is we have gone through - in our lives and the way we operate. When we make what we perceive are mistakes, we isolate ourselves emotionally and in some cases literally. We think that we are the only ones who have experienced a particular situation and fear that we will be judged if we share our experience with others. Many choose to suffer in silence.

I think guilt is a gift we’re given. It reinforces our conscious. It helps us to do the next right thing. We don’t have control of the first thought that pops into our minds, but we do have the power to control what happens with that thought - we can choose to act or not to act.
Tristan L Sullivan

Dec 22 07, 12:23 pm PST

27
Thank you. Great work. It was well worth your time to write it.
mariam
Dec 22 07, 1:48 pm PST

28
thanks a lot, we do really need such articles motivating us!!
Lunarmony
Dec 23 07, 2:59 am PST

29
Hi Tina,

I think the feeling of guilt is either a call for self-improvement - which pushes us to action; or it can also be a reminder that you’re doing too much work which you don’t have to do. And sometimes there’s really no technique to dealing with it; all we really have to do is to look at the matter with a positive attitude, and focus on the solution instead of the problem.

Either way, I think every emotion that we’re feeling can help us, if we are just ‘willing to look deeper into this “man-made” emotion’, as you so aptly put it.

By the way, Merry Christmas!

Jiaqi
Shannon
Dec 28 07, 7:11 pm PST

30
While many times, guilt can be damaging to one’s self, it can also move one to make the right choices so it’s not always wrong to feel guilty. What would be wrong would be to do nothing about it. For instance if you don’t listen to some healthy guilt, it could have unfortunate consequences while having unhealthy guilt and doing nothing to change it or to let go of it can also be damaging. Just trying to elaborate on that a bit from my point of view. As a whole we do beat ourselves up too much with guilt. What a blessing the healthy guilt can be! Sometimes though it rears it’s little head too much.
Surface Earth

Jan 04 08, 1:48 pm PST

31
Greetings! I just visited your site for the first time today. I found your link over at Sue Ann’s blog.

I appreciate what you have shared here. I find guilt is liking boxing a shadow.

That’s not to say we have carte blanche to behave in any fashion we desire not born of love, but that we do need to stop beating ourselves for taking time for ourselves or for honest, unintentional and non-malicious mistakes.

Namaste.
Dr Martin Russell

Jan 08 08, 8:18 pm PST

32
Hi Tina,

Nice to see you beginning here “As with overcoming any emotion, the best way is to fully experience the feeling.”

So many people try to ignore feelings or describe them as a psychiatric illness, rather than a part of being a human responding to the world.

It’s good to see the direct approach used and advocated!

Regards,
Dr Martin Russell
etavitom

Jan 09 08, 4:56 pm PST

33
you’re amazing! thanks so much…. :)
Evan

Jan 10 08, 3:54 am PST

34
Hi Tina,

Here’s another way.

1. Imagine yourself expressing the guilt to the person you fell guilty towards (if it’s something abstract use a representation).

2. When you find the resentment express this.

3. When you have expressed the resentment you will find a demand.

4. Think about what you want to do about this demand.

5. Do it.
CG Walters

Jan 20 08, 12:20 pm PST

35
Thank you, Tina–well done! A timely writing for me….particularly the element of conflict in time spent blogging and doing other things…
peace and wonder,
CG
Liara Covert

Jan 25 08, 10:26 pm PST

36
Guilt is certainly an intriguing illusion we create for ourselves. Isn’t it strange how the ego will stop at nothing in its quest to keep us from loving, accepting and believing in our true selves?

Through dreams, I assist people to come to terms with some of their unconscious and repressed reasons for harboring guilt. It is always refreshing and uplifting to lighten our own burdens and to help others.
jd

Feb 08 08, 1:38 am PST

37
Tina - One source of guilt is falling into the “have to” trap (I have to do this, or I have to do that.) It sounds simple but simply changing the language to “choose to” (I choose to do that), not only puts you in control, but helps change your mindset from victim to driver. Put it another way, use Motivation without Coercion - http://thebookshare.blogspot.com/2007/09/motivation-without-coercion.html
Michael Prince

Apr 25 08, 9:56 pm PDT

38
Thanks for the great article. Now I’m wondering if I should feel more guilty. Haha. A man could get insomnia from just thinking about it!
Michael Gorsline

Jul 25 08, 10:45 pm PDT

39
Nice post. Lots of good, practical ideas. As a therapist I love the emphasis on not running from the feeling or trying to push it out of consciousness, but rather trying to discover what message it might have for you.

I do think it is worth keeping in mind that there are some things for which guilt is appropriate and probably helpful to us if it doesn’t get too out of hand. It is one of our cognitive systems for helping us not to do things that injure us socially (and injure others). I think most of us have some gut level sense of what guilt is appropriate and what is guilt run amok.
ryan bryan
Sep 21 08, 7:38 pm PDT

40
hi everyone…

i think i am lucky to have found this blog…i hope you can help me ease the guilt that i have been carrying for weeks!…i got sick due to this matter…

i am involve in a student organization in a university that i am currently enrolled in…we have this one applicant that is supposed to be in but due to some deliberations that the members had done, he was voted off and i was one of those members who voted him off!

at the end of the day, i found myself thinking about what happened and suddenly i felt bad and i was not able to sleep very well…

that applicant was good, brilliant and as what i have heard, he is an excellent student…

so why did i voted him off?…i voted him off because we got news from our co-member that if that applicant will be accepted, he will be a big threat to the organization because he got attitude problems and that the applicant has hidden agenda in ruining the organization…

4 of us voted him off and 4 of the rest of the members voted him in…and the screening chair broke the tie and said NO!…the screening chair oversee the applicants during their screening process…maybe the applicant is bright but he can harm the organization…

and that’s where i based my judgment… but somehow, i think i’m wrong for voting him out..and i cannot undo the deliberation because everything that was settled is irrevocable…

somehow, the applicant was good and i think i made a mistake for voting him out…what can i do?…these days, i just see myself thinking and feeling guilty about it…

it feels that i have judged the applicant wrongly…i can’t help it…i feel that i was truly wrong for voting him out and if i have just voted him in, he can continue to the screening process and be one of us…just one vote…if i had just voted him in…one vote can change everything and i it feels that i took it away from him…it feels that i didn’t gave him a chance…
Alex
Nov 10 08, 10:47 pm PST

41
Usually I wouldn’t do this and I would keep my guilt list private, but I’ve had a few mini-epiphanies from reading many things like this so I’ve decided it might be better to post it publicly.
I’m mainly guilty about many mistakes I’ve made in my relationship. I love him a lot and I’ve made him hate me. I’m trying to turn my guilt into fuel to better myself but I’m so upset that it’s difficult.
I am trying my best, and I’ll keep trying my best.
I’m feeling guilty about missing school a lot. I know my grades are going down.
I will get my grades back up and I’ll try not to miss any more school. That’s all I can do.
I also feel some guilt about my recent eating habits. Since I’m mostly alone and I don’t have any options I end up eating things that have more calories than I’d like.
It’s better than not eating.
I’m feeling guilty about how little contact I’ve had with my friends lately. It’s been a tough time and I hope they understand.
I’m feeling guilty about how little time I’ve had to read and write.
I’ll start reading and writing more. While writing will be more difficult, a little writing is better than none at all.
This is all I can really think of right now. I thank you for making this entry. It has helped a lot.
rinkjustice

Sep 22 09, 3:51 am PDT

42
@Evan

I’m going to save your suggestion and give it a try. Thank you. I’m checking out your blog as well.

Nice article all the way around btw :)
Oleg Mokhov

Oct 19 09, 11:32 am PDT

43
Hey Tina,

Free yourself from guilt by nipping the source of the guilt in the butt.

Analyze the source of guilt: can you do anything about it? If not, disassociate yourself from it. You can’t change it, so why worry? Don’t feel guilty, because it’s out of your control anyway.

If you can do something about the source of guilt, then change it. Feeling bad for taking too long to reply to emails? Organize a system of email-checking a few days a week, and batch-reply emails no matter what.

Look at the source of the problem and fix it.

The latter has done wonders for me. I re-organized my tasks I was just “doing whenever” to be batch-processed, and I started taking care of things right away. Work got done faster, emails replied sooner (got them out of the way during my designated time so I free up my mental energy for other things).

I nipped guilt-sources in the butt and had more time to enjoy life rather than have “I need to get to that” things linger throughout the day.

Thanks for sharing your tips, I can relate and have used many of them to free myself of guilt,
Oleg

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

We'd love to hear them! Please share:

Trackbacks (17)

links for 2007-12-21 at DeStructUred Blog - Dec 20 07
J’s blog » Blog Archive » Catching up for the new year… - Jan 01 08
they.com - Objects in mirror are probably behind you » Catchup blogging for the new year… - Jan 01 08
A Guide to Happiness via Self Forgiveness | ThinkSimpleNow.com - Jan 10 08
All Women Blogging Carnival | Colloquium - Jan 13 08
Weekly Miscellaneous - January 14, 2008 « Jennerosity Projects - Jan 14 08
Empowered Soul Blog » Carnival of Truth #5 - Jan 19 08
Personal Stories of Change Blog Carnival: Edition 14 » I will change your life . com - Jan 19 08
The Simple Life | ThinkSimpleNow.com - Jan 21 08
anja merret - chatting to my generation » Blog Carnival of Observations on Life January 23, 2008 - Jan 23 08
How to Delete Email Addiction | ThinkSimpleNow.com - Jan 27 08
The Secret to Self Loving | ThinkSimpleNow.com - Jan 31 08
The True Believers Guide to Blogging | PickTheBrain - Feb 10 08
The Panacea for Putting Things Off | ThinkSimpleNow.com - Jun 02 08
Productivity in Context » Blog Archive » Kill Your TV for Greater Productivity - Jun 05 08
Worry Wart: I Can’t Do Anything, I’m too Busy Worrying About It | Billionaire Woman.com - Sep 11 08
Personal Stories of Change Blog Carnival: Edition 14 - Feb 22 09

Think Simple Now. A Blog on Creativity, Productivity, and Happiness.

How to Free Yourself from Guilt

60 Comments

Realizations about guilt:

Summary for Dealing with Guilt:

6 Step Process for Resolving Self-Inflicted Guilt

Step 1: Create Your Guilt List

Step 2: Brainstorm Your Guilt Battle Plan

Step 3: Create Your Values List

Step 4: How to Fuel Your Values

Step 5: Create Your Guilt Reduction Action Plan

Step 6: Habituate Your Guilt Reduction Actions

Lastly

60 Responses (43 Comments, 17 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

Trackbacks (17)

Reader Favorites

Latest Posts

Categories

My Sites

Other Featured Sites

Top Commentators

What I'm Reading Now

Recently Read

Must Read Books