Comments on: How to Overcome Resentment

By: Miranda

Miranda — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:14:47 +0000

I have just walked away from a decade of resentment by both myself and my estranged partner. As the typical family now consists of yours, mine and sometimes ours, family life is whole lot more complicated, so I will never combine families again. I am now picking up the pieces of the constant belittling of my children, and the my inappropriate management of these situations. So my dilemma is how do I show compassion and dignity when my children remind me on a daily basis of impact of my choice. I can forgive my ex because i see the hurt and the insecurities that were causal in his inappropriate behavior. My children say he does not deserve forgiveness, and my family feed their resentment. So i cry in silence at the loss of my BF and the person i wanted to grow old with, the hurt of broken promises, and the lost opportunity to create precious life’s memories.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day and I spent most of the day crying my eyes out. Today I Googled and yours was the article I chose. I already feel as if the pain in my heart is not as sharp, as I have now found a point of reference and platform from which to take the first tentative step from. I know i will refer and re-refer to your article several times during the following months as my children and I heal and grow.

By: Asia

Asia — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 13:44:36 +0000

Thank you for this well-written and inspiring article. It comforted me to know that my horrible feelings of resentment were so well articulated by someone else. This paragraph captured my emotions so well:

“I hated this feeling. In fact, I hated the feeling of hating this feeling. Even though, I knew rationally and intuitively that I was getting nowhere by feeling upset, annoyed, and wronged, it felt impossible to control these thoughts and to not be bothered by them. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free. The key to mental freedom was within me and nowhere else.”

Followed up with specific actions for me to take (calming, forgiving self and others); thank you.

By: Bobby

Bobby — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:59:13 +0000

Thanks for have such a well informed page on this subject.

By: lisa

lisa — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:40:27 +0000

What if the person lies and denies they said or did anything. So therefore you can not understand why they would say or do what the did.

By: Anibal

Anibal — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 22:18:36 +0000

I simply had to thank you so much all over again. I am not sure the things that I could possibly have accomplished without these suggestions shared by you on that question. Previously it was the alarming concern for me, but finding out your professional manner you solved the issue made me to leap for gladness. I will be thankful for your information and then have high hopes you recognize what a powerful job your are providing educating most people via your web site. Most probably you have never got to know all of us.

By: controlfreak

controlfreak — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 16:59:41 +0000

I have a problem with holding on to anger. This really helped me out. I know that I have the problem and want to change it. It’s as if my anger and resentment towards people who judge me keeps me fake sense of comfort. I dont want them to get to know me, which in turn makes life lonely. Thank you for the tips I think it will prove to make life more enjoyable.

By: Missn

Missn — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 19:17:24 +0000

Thank you for this article. I have been working on a resentment for many many years that wakes me up at night and haunts almost every waking moment. I know it has to be dealt with but almost wish there was a place where people could talk more or work it through more. It doesnt go away….they say pray on it, forgiven, but I think itès a process that needs to be worked out and then you can forgiven but I am not sure that you can do that before the other stuff is worked on. It doesnèt just go away. It take movement and the courage to speak the truth, even if you had a part to play…doesnt make you bad, just someone learning something. I have learned that you have to be very very careful about who you trust.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:43:23 +0000

I have had a very long standing resentment that I have tried to get rid of and it is not enough to say forgive, because it doesnt just go away. It has to be dealt with. I realize that I turned a critical life decision over to a parent who I thought cared and listened to the advice and it had disasterous consequences for my life and the life of others. In realizing what happened, I think that the person was coming from their own standpoint and perspective instead of the affects it would have on others. So really, I think what I am saying is that the person was thinking about themsleves, not the people involved and the action really hurt others, had a horrible impact. It has been very hard to let go and forgive both myself and the other person or even know what to say to the other person who denies any involvement at all…it is so sad. But therre is no peace without there is no peace without working this through.

By: Katie

Katie — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:42:01 +0000

Thank you for posting practical steps towards forgiveness. I am still very angry over my treatment at and then lay off from a job I adored. I have become very sensitive to my friend’s and family’s exhaustion with my anger, so I try to act very nonchalant. As a result I lose my temper at odd times, and have nightmares about the people who hurt me. My peers in recovery just say, “pray for forgiveness,” but I don’t really know what that means.

Thank for breaking the process down into doable steps.

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