Comments on: How to Overcome Resentment

By: Diana Fletcher

Diana Fletcher — Thu, 10 May 2012 15:45:10 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this blog.
I just had a conversation with my 90 year old mother that enabled me to forgive and let go of a resentment I have had all my life. This took me by surprise and I am still holding on to this unexpected gift of peace. I don’t think I truly knew what forgiveness meant before this, or maybe I had never truly felt it. I wrote about it here if you are interested. http://thoughtsbydiana.com/2012/05/three-words-have-rocked-my-world/

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 10:21:12 +0000

My ex husband does not speak to me at all, because he is paranoid due to drug abuse that I was to blame for people turning against him when in fact he turned away from all his friends etc, his new fiancee has also said a lot of mean things to me as she believes all his lies and deceit and sees me as the bad person. I did retaliate to his abuse at times, but he keeps saying that I must respect him as he is paying for me and our kids to survive. I must say I do not know of anyone who would respect someone who uses money to earn respect but they can treat you however they want. this is so unfair. She does not want to know what my kids and I have lived through but judges me anyway and believes all his lies. this is hard to deal with

By: Clara

Clara — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 18:29:50 +0000

I have found the article really helpful in dealing with resentment I feel towards a work colleague – a great result from a google search!

Following an incident when I very unwisely replied grumpily to a request at work; I received a 4-page document detailing how disappointing I am as a colleague, everything I have done in the last 6 months that displeased this girl, and an account of events from her point of view that completely mismatches mine. In reading it, I couldn’t believe my eyes, and initially spent several hours afterwards in tears with my husband. I wrote a reply refuting each point of criticism towards myself, but never told her how much the act of doing this was hurtful.

As time has gone on, this list of petty facts does not bother me but I am left with resentment of everything that this girl now does at work. She behaves as if nothing ever happened, and is in fact saccharinely nice in front of others, but ignores me otherwise. This suits me well but I am working to secure a 2 year contract to work with this girl. Every little thing that happens, every lazy act, every time she is late, now makes me feel angry. Others in work totally agree with my annoyance; but our supervisor doesn’t ever reprimand her for selfish behaviour – whereas others would be confronted. Work colleagues ‘feed’ the negativity I feel towards this girl – so it is very difficult to forget what has happened. Most of all, the fact that a calculated document was sent to me reveals a longstanding resentment on her part; I can’t see myself working hard to secure a contract so I can continue in the workplace with this person.

I’d really appreciate any advice on letting go of this feeling, and continuing a peaceful working environment without anger or bad feeling towards my colleague?? Outside of this seemingly petty situation my life is more than happy, but my brain keeps cycling these events and niggles and i’m finding it hard to forget.

By: Miranda

Miranda — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:14:47 +0000

I have just walked away from a decade of resentment by both myself and my estranged partner. As the typical family now consists of yours, mine and sometimes ours, family life is whole lot more complicated, so I will never combine families again. I am now picking up the pieces of the constant belittling of my children, and the my inappropriate management of these situations. So my dilemma is how do I show compassion and dignity when my children remind me on a daily basis of impact of my choice. I can forgive my ex because i see the hurt and the insecurities that were causal in his inappropriate behavior. My children say he does not deserve forgiveness, and my family feed their resentment. So i cry in silence at the loss of my BF and the person i wanted to grow old with, the hurt of broken promises, and the lost opportunity to create precious life’s memories.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day and I spent most of the day crying my eyes out. Today I Googled and yours was the article I chose. I already feel as if the pain in my heart is not as sharp, as I have now found a point of reference and platform from which to take the first tentative step from. I know i will refer and re-refer to your article several times during the following months as my children and I heal and grow.

By: Asia

Asia — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 13:44:36 +0000

Thank you for this well-written and inspiring article. It comforted me to know that my horrible feelings of resentment were so well articulated by someone else. This paragraph captured my emotions so well:

“I hated this feeling. In fact, I hated the feeling of hating this feeling. Even though, I knew rationally and intuitively that I was getting nowhere by feeling upset, annoyed, and wronged, it felt impossible to control these thoughts and to not be bothered by them. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free. The key to mental freedom was within me and nowhere else.”

Followed up with specific actions for me to take (calming, forgiving self and others); thank you.

By: Bobby

Bobby — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:59:13 +0000

Thanks for have such a well informed page on this subject.

By: lisa

lisa — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 18:40:27 +0000

What if the person lies and denies they said or did anything. So therefore you can not understand why they would say or do what the did.

By: Anibal

Anibal — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 22:18:36 +0000

I simply had to thank you so much all over again. I am not sure the things that I could possibly have accomplished without these suggestions shared by you on that question. Previously it was the alarming concern for me, but finding out your professional manner you solved the issue made me to leap for gladness. I will be thankful for your information and then have high hopes you recognize what a powerful job your are providing educating most people via your web site. Most probably you have never got to know all of us.

By: controlfreak

controlfreak — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 16:59:41 +0000

I have a problem with holding on to anger. This really helped me out. I know that I have the problem and want to change it. It’s as if my anger and resentment towards people who judge me keeps me fake sense of comfort. I dont want them to get to know me, which in turn makes life lonely. Thank you for the tips I think it will prove to make life more enjoyable.

By: Missn

Missn — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 19:17:24 +0000

Thank you for this article. I have been working on a resentment for many many years that wakes me up at night and haunts almost every waking moment. I know it has to be dealt with but almost wish there was a place where people could talk more or work it through more. It doesnt go away….they say pray on it, forgiven, but I think itès a process that needs to be worked out and then you can forgiven but I am not sure that you can do that before the other stuff is worked on. It doesnèt just go away. It take movement and the courage to speak the truth, even if you had a part to play…doesnt make you bad, just someone learning something. I have learned that you have to be very very careful about who you trust.