Feeling Lonely + Baby Updates

Two weeks ago, I wrote about optimism when things don’t go our way. Well, this week, I could have used some of that optimism. I think the honeymoon period of living in a hospital is over.

So, I’ve been at the hospital for a little over 3 weeks, on bed rest. It’s been two weeks since Jeremy returned to work, so I spend most days alone on my fancy multi-adjustable hospital bed, with 7 pillows, a laptop and the TV remote.

In the beginning, I thought I was at the Ritz hotel. Nurses remind me of when I should take my pills, I get to hear my baby’s heart beat twice a day, my contractions are being monitored regularly, there’s daily house-keeping and an array of food choices at the push of a button – just like room service, except, it’s free and no tipping.

Then, I found out a week ago that I had Gestational Diabetes (GD) – a common but temporary symptom for 16% of pregnant women during the third trimester (28 weeks until delivery). Which means I’m on food restrictions.

The nurse of the day happily walked in and handed me a new menu – it says “Diabetes Diet Menu“. Because I don’t eat meat or eggs, my choices became further limited.

I was frustrated. I felt sad.

On top of wanting to eat all the time, I was also getting lots of cravings for sweets. But gone are the days when I could gulp down a tub of ice cream. I checked, and chocolate cake is not on the diabetes menu. I now have to count my carbohydrate intake, and have my finger pricked two hours after every meal to monitor my blood sugar level.

Pre-GD, my breakfast added up to 110 grams of carbohydrate, which consisted of: oatmeal, two orders of fresh fruit, one slice of wheat toast, and a glass of steamed soy milk.

My new diet restriction allows me no more than 30 grams of carbohydrates. When I saw that the small bowl of oatmeal alone is 30 grams, I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to be hungry.

If you’ve never been pregnant or been around someone who was, the frequent hunger pangs feel as if you haven’t eaten for days. Usually, food at the hospital takes around 45 minutes between ordering and delivery. By the time the food shows up, I’m so hungry that it feels as if I could swallow the whole tray without chewing.

On top of being hungry all the time, I was also eating more. In Mexico, I was consuming more food than the 210 pound Jeremy, who watched in amazement and curiosity as my once 105 pound body (now 129 pounds at 31 weeks) took in more food than himself.

I know myself, and feeling hungry makes me cranky and unreasonably irritable. So now, my day revolves around carefully timing the ordering and consuming of my meals and mandatory in-between-meal snack.

I eat every two hours, and every meal-snack has to include a protein source. After the baby’s born, I don’t think I will be able to even look at Tofu or cottage cheese ever again.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 at 7pm

After being curled up in a ball from contraction cramps, I was drifting in and out of sleep. Then I looked up at the clock, it said 7pm. I realized that my medicine (to stop contractions) was an hour late, so I called the nurse to remind her. I eventually got my dose of Nifedipine. This made me feel agitated. I felt the urge to blame the pain on her.

I felt really hungry and ordered dinner. Half an hour later, my food came – covered to keep warm.

Eager to eat, I adjusted my bed to a near sitting position – propped up by three pillows on my back – tucked a napkin under my chin, and was about to gorge myself. I uncovered the plates and saw that they had screwed my order up, again. But, I was so hungry that I started eating anyway.

As I was chewing my first bite, I felt sad, then thoughts of all the unfair things that happened this year came rushing at me all at once, I felt that everything was going wrong, I wanted to re-order the food, but I didn’t want to wait another 45 minutes. With my abdominals still hurting, I felt like a victim, and before I knew it, large tears started rolling down my cheeks. The tears quickly became sobs, and I couldn’t stop. It felt good to let it out.

But right then and there, sitting in front of a hospital tray, holding a fork and crying, I realized that I was lonely.

Continues …

Just then, Jeremy came in, did his usual joke behind the hospital curtains imitating a particular softly spoken nurse, and peaked his face out from behind the curtains. His beautifully happy face quickly changed to that of sadness when he saw me – hair in a messy bun, sitting there crying like a toddler, in front of a tray of food.

His eyes turned pink, he quickly moved the hospital table away from me, shifted me over on the hospital bed, climbed in and held me. I felt like a baby being calmed by her mother. At the touch of someone who loved me, I felt safe, I felt understood, and I calmed down.

Jeremy said, “This Friday, we’re still gonna have our [pre-bed rest] date night, I’ll get take out from our favorite Indian restaurant, I’ll take you on a wheel chair ride, and I’ll get you a flower from Trader Joes [grocery store], and you can hold the flower on your wheel chair ride.” I began to cry again, but this time, happy tears, tears from feeling an enormous wave of love for this man, and grateful for all that I have.

My OB doctor once said that being pregnant is like going through puberty again. The hormonal changes can make you emotional, and crying is common. So that’s what I used as an excuse.

A Loner’s View

In college, people used to call me a hermit, because I didn’t go to parties, or spent a lot of time chit chatting with people. I actually preferred being at the library focusing my energy on school and getting good grades.

As an adult, I focused on being efficient with my time, and enjoyed being on my own. I liked having a door in my office, and it was always closed. I wasn’t exactly a “team player”, but I played the part when I needed to be.

If you met me in person, you wouldn’t think I was an introvert. I can be very interactive and animated when I speak, and can carry on conversations without awkwardness. But if I could choose, I would prefer not to speak, period. If I had to categorize, I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert either. I just don’t like to mingle, it feels like a waste of time, and sometimes very artificial. I realized that most things people talk about in social settings aren’t very interesting or relative, and are really spoken to fill the awkward spaces that we associate with silence.

Before I landed in the hospital, I spent most of my days alone, without much interaction with people. I worked from home, I rarely talked on the phone, and I avoided face-to-face meetings – sometimes even with close friends.

Since I’m a natural loner, I didn’t think being at the hospital on my own would be a problem… until that day, sitting in front of a tray of food, holding a fork, crying my eyes out. For the first time, in a long time, I suddenly felt alone.

The feeling didn’t last very long, but enough to make me want to understand what was causing me to feel that way.

At the hospital, most things I did were done lying down. As such, regardless of what I’m doing, it makes me very sleepy; I haven’t read much, simply because that’s the fastest way to put myself to sleep. So, I’ve been napping a lot, and distracting my mind with playing minesweeper on the computer, and checking craig’s list for baby stuff.

The other day, while I was on my tenth consecutive game of minesweeper, I suddenly felt embarrassed. The thought of “What would people think of me, if they found out this is how I spent my time?” kept flashing in my mind.

Aside from the hospital routines of medication six times a day and being put on the baby monitor twice a day, my day pretty much consists of eating, planning the next meal – every two hours, playing minesweeper, napping, watching educational pregnancy videos, and periodically flipping on CNN to see if there are any more development on the white house party crashers, or the number of Tiger Woods mistresses.

I felt pathetic. I felt guilty for not getting any work done. I felt uncomfortably unproductive. I felt regret for not having better spent my time on something more meaningful.

The thing with our mind is that once we start on a self-defeating thought, a string of similar thoughts follows, until you – the master of your mind – consciously decide to snip it off.

In the end, I realized that just because I am alone, it does not mean that I needed to feel lonely. And the idea of loneliness was the cumulative result of what I was thinking, and how I perceived my surroundings.

It’s amazing what a simple shift in perspective can do.

What I Learned About Loneliness?

Photo by Anna Kieblesz

I believe that loneliness is like many other emotional experiences, it is a product of what we choose to focus on and how we craft our perspective based on our external circumstances.

Beyond the initial emotion that comes with a change – such as hurt, or sadness – I believe that any prolonged emotion that lingers on continuously after the event is something that we have unconsciously chosen, without realizing it.

Here’s what I’ve observed and learned:

1. Repeated Suggestion

Every few days, someone would come in and ask if I felt depressed, bored or lonely. I would then be passed a telephone hot-line number if I needed help, and web URLs to find pen-pals – so we could complain about our sad situations together – no thanks!

Even today, the doctor shouted, “Have a boring day!” as he left my room. I think he meant to say, “Have an uneventful and relaxing day without going into labor.” But none-the-less, the word boring, after repeated repetition, has been subtly ingrained in my head.

Apparently, many people on bed rest have a hard time. There’s even a support group at the hospital for pregnant women on bed rest, and someone will pop in my room to ask if I need to go.

I was feeling great during my first week, but after repeated suggestions by nurses, social workers and doctors, I started to subtly and unconsciousness question myself, “should I feel bored?“, “Am I lonely?” When I was feeling down, my brain took the opportunity to insert, “I’m lonely” into my focus, even though, that wasn’t the real cause.

2. Aloneness is Not Loneliness

Feeling lonely is a state of mind that is independent from whether or not we are actually physically alone. One could feel lonely even when surrounded by people.

Often, we think that by finding a romantic partner or having lots of friends, we will no longer feel alone. So, we go on this goose chase for relationships or friends, in the hopes of feeling complete.

Once we find love or friendship, we may feel great temporarily, but in time, we would discover that something is still missing. This is why people still fall into depression even though they are in loving relationships.

You see, the problem isn’t outside of us. It is within us. Only when we can feel whole and complete on our own, can we bring that into our relationships.

3. What We Focus On Expands

Just like repeated suggestions by other people, repeating the same phrases or types of thoughts to our selves can convince us that we are in fact having that experience.

If we repeatedly tell ourselves that “I’m lonely”, soon we’ll start looking for and collecting ‘evidence’ that we are lonely. The evidence becomes ‘proof’ that further reinforces our belief. Before we know it, we’ll be convinced that we are in fact lonely.

The same is true for any phrase we repeat, if you believe and continuously tell yourself that you’re the luckiest person alive, you’ll start looking for evidence of auspicious events that occur to you. It is for this reason that I cringe whenever I see TV commercials for depression medicine – they actually encourage people to go into depression.

4. Choices

Whenever I feel lonely, I know that there are people who I could talk to, or techniques to shift out of this state, but I refuse to turn to them. In that moment, I feel the pain, but I also allow it to linger on, by choice. I do this, to reinforce my victim mentality, and this gets me the attention that I feel I need. This whole mental process, of course, happens quickly and unconscious when we are not in present moment awareness.

Next time you are starting to feel lonely or depressed or sad, try your best to observe your thought process. You know you have choices to get out of this state, but because you want the pain to linger just a bit longer, you choose not to use these routes to get you out.

How to Snap Out of Loneliness?

The following are techniques that I’ve found helpful:

Realize Your Power – In the moments of despair, recognize that that you have choices, and you hold the power to choose what you focus on. You can choose to focus on thoughts that bring you down, keeps you in a low mood, or you can choose to focus on away from self-destructive thoughts. Take responsibility for yourself.
Find Help – Talk to someone even if you don’t feel like it. Be open and authentic with your feelings and thoughts. If you have the choice, find someone who’s a good listener. It really is helpful to let it out and verbalize your frustrations to another person.
Change your Physical Position – When ever you’re having an emotional experience that isn’t pleasant, remember to quickly change your physical position. If you’re sitting down and slouching, jump up from your seat and do some stretching, then walk to the kitchen to get something to drink. When you feel the feelings of loneliness emerging, stop what you’re doing and shift into doing something else that puts you in a physically different position. For example, while on bed rest, I would get up and take a quick shower.
Meaningful Activities – I’ve discovered that certain activities cause me to be less conscious, and more prune to low mood. For example, if I watch more than 1-2 hours of TV, my mind will start to wander into the zone of self-destruction more easily. As such, other activities that raises my consciousness, helps me not only get out of the low mood, but also, results in me feeling more peaceful, relaxed and fulfilled. Try doing something more meaningful, something that feeds your soul, instead of distracting your attention – Reading something inspirational, meditation, go to a yoga class, writing down your thoughts and what you’ve learned, or painting. These are just ideas, but anything creative or spiritually fulfilling will lift you out of the negative spiral you were in.
Physical Touch – If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to touch you (not in a sexual way), and hold you. Gentle caressing on the hands, arms, back, and face can do wonders. Even if you’re not in a romantic partnership, you could ask a friend to touch the back of your hands, stroke your spine, and give you a big hug. Sometimes, it’s the physical connection we need.
Deep Breathing – a relaxation technique I use is this simple breathing technique. Start putting your awareness on your breath, inhaling and exhaling as slowly as possible, while keeping your eyes closed. Do this 10-20 times. Then imagine that you are inhaling and exhaling, also through the tips of your fingers, toes, and from the top of your head. Do this for at least 20 times or more. This technique will not only relax you, but also, bring you to a higher state of awareness. When you are more aware of this moment, you can make more conscious decisions, and can more clearly rationalize the situation you were in.

Parting Words

Photo by Kevin Russ

Based on past articles, people may think that I’m an extreme optimist. While, I do tend to lean towards being optimistic, I am just like everyone else. I go through ups and downs, I have bad days, and sometimes react in ways that I am not proud of.

The point of this article is to let you know that you are not alone. Our stories may be different, but at the emotional core, we are very much alike, and that there is always hope for healing regardless of what we are going through.

Regardless of where you are in the world or what you are experiencing, always remember that you are being loved deeply, and that the universal dance is choreographed such that whatever is happening to you is the best thing for you, even if you don’t recognize it, yet.

Treat every moment as a gift, even the ones that make you cry. Because in those moments, life happens, and growth happens – which will lead you into becoming a stronger version of yourself.

Now, close your eyes, and tell yourself silently, “I am whole, I am complete. I am deeply loved.” And feel the wholeness from the core of who you are, and feel the love pouring out of your big soft heart. Life is beautiful, huh?

* What are your experiences with loneliness? Share your stories and thoughts with us in the comment section below. See you there!

Personal Update

Tina at 26 weeks, compared over 6 weeks. Photo by Jeremy Sawatzky

At 31 weeks and 3 days, Ryan is measured at 4.5 pounds, and 16 inches long. He’s a very active little boy who interacts with us with his movement, when he feels pressure on my belly.

Since two weeks ago, Ryan also frequently has the hiccups. I can feel it physically, as my belly vibrates rhythmically. And if he’s hooked on the baby monitor, you can hear the tiny sounds of hiccups intertwined with the racing sound of his heart beat. Poor little thing, it must be uncomfortable… but it’s so darned cute!

Whenever I shift my lying position from one side to another, he too would shift his position. Upon feeling the turning of a little body inside me, I would touch my belly, and feel an unexplainable sense of love for this tiny person I can’t wait to meet, and gratitude for the experience of carrying a human life.

In a few days, we will be at 32 weeks (Dec 18, 2009), and we are expecting to be discharged from the hospital. After spending almost a month here – while I loved the room service – I am really looking forward to going home, and spending Christmas with Jeremy and our puppies under one roof.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina on facebook) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

Like this article? Sign up for updates

Think Simple Now delivers weekly self-reflective, inspiring stories from real people. Join our empowering community: Entering your Email below and click Subscribe.

This entry was filed under clarity, happiness, updates. Email this page.

Browse in Timeline:
« Embracing the Unexpected
» We Have a Baby Boy!

Advertising

52 Responses (52 Comments, 0 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Nazim
Dec 16 09, 7:01 pm PDT

1
Tina. This is wonderful. I am so happy for you. I can’t wait to see how Ryan turns out.

I know you will make it. Use this opportunity to live in surrender to the moment. Observe all of your reactions and mind patterns. What a splendid opportunity to grow in presence.

All the best Tina! :)
Daniel

Dec 16 09, 7:18 pm PDT

2
You play minesweeper? No worries about what others think. I too do take time off and calling in friends to join in on lan game parties. :)

But most of the time I’m always found being alone with my netbook. I like being around others, although my preference would be to stay away from huge crowds.

Speaking of which, I need to head out to town to meet a couple of my friends now :)
Girl_Geekiness

Dec 16 09, 7:45 pm PDT

3
I have never had to be on bed rest while being pregnant, but I have most definitely had the blues. Hang in there hun – soon Ryan will be there to keep you happy and very busy! There might even be days when you will miss all the bed rest! lol…

It’s soooooooo worth it. : )
Evelyn Lim

Dec 16 09, 7:53 pm PDT

4
Indeed, being alone does not mean that you have to be lonely. I have just returned from a 10-day Noble Silence Retreat. While I enjoy silence for a good 4 hours when my kids are in school, I have never quite had the experience of not talking the whole day prior to attending this retreat. Hence, my initial apprehension and fear. However, during the retreat, I found out that silence is very possible for long stretches. We are better able to investigate ourselves, without the fresh input of thought introduced by our egos.

I am glad to read that you have been able to snap out of your lonely feelings. The tips you share are indeed useful for anyone who sees himself or herself as a victim of circumstances. Do continue to make use of each precious moment! It’ll be gone before you know it!
Lana - DreamFollowers Blog

Dec 16 09, 9:44 pm PDT

5
Thank you for the post Tina. Feeling lonely just like feeling happy or any other truly is a choice we make. Great tips for making that choice consciously. Hope that your baby stays in mommy’s womb untill fullterm and you have a good and easy delivery.
Chris
Dec 16 09, 9:51 pm PDT

6
awwww I’m really sorry TS, I wish I knew you were lonely, cuz I would’ve come visit you in the hospital!! = (
You play Minesweeper, I play Solitaire or Yahtzee and everyone else has their poison too, so don’t worry bout what anyone thinks about that. If its good enough for you, its good enough for us.

From how much good stuff you wrote though, I think you found a pretty good way to spend your time…sharing good info with and for the tons of people like me, who care about you!
Whenever you talk about being a loner, all I can do is picture you when I first knew of you, which was dancing on ELECTRIC CIRCUSSSSSSSS!! hahaha AND, if I remember correctly, you weren’t alone then, cuz I saw lots of other peeps dancing around you, or maybe they were trying to dance like you since you were by far the bestest, cutest and had the most camera loving, adorable smile!

I think we’ve all gone through lonely spells and some are even less fortunate, being lonely more often than others. I’ve definitely gone through my share, up to and including now. Like you, I consider myself a loner now, partly by choice and partly not…I’ve watched friends come and go, move to other countries, get married and have kids etc…When I’m lonely, I usually resort to sitting at my computer, putting on the headphones and watching a movie I really like. Or I might send an email that I had been procrastinating about, to someone I hadn’t talked to in a while.

Basically if we don’t know what works for us, when dealing with it, we have to try things and see what works best!
I had a friend who had to go through the diabetes thing, while she was pregnant too, so from her experience I know how much it sucks for you. I know its easy for me to say, but maybe you can look at it as a time when its good to be cutting out a lot of junk anyways and look foward to PIGGING OUT as soon as its ok to!!! = )
For now, just take it 1 day at a time, with only 1 more full day to go, til u can go home and hopefully that will cheer you up….along with our loving comments of course!!
In addition, you’re not in freezing cold Toronto, although compared to some places like Edmonton, its pretty warm here…haha

Lastly, enjoy your alone time now, cuz as much as you’ll love him, when Mr Ryan comes along, you’ll have times where you’re begging for some alone time….or at least quiet time!! lol
That’s so cute about him hiccuping and how your belly vibrates. = ) Did you try tickling him through your belly and seeing if you can hear him laughing? hahaha
I’m glad you have Jeremy who seems like he has a big heart, filled with love for you and that makes all the difference in the world. His timing is good too, cuz he came to you when you needed him the most!!

As you said Tina, you’re not alone…u might not be able to see or hear people like me, but I’m thinking about you, as are many, many others and I hope that helps you in times when you are alone.

Keep talking to us TS, I’ll be listening!!

As always, a big, HUGE virtual hug from your old home TO!!!!

Chris

p.s. my comment might seem random, because I kept going back to read what you wrote again and would add more…heehee
wandermom

Dec 16 09, 9:54 pm PDT

7
Dear Tina,
Hang in there.
I feel your pain. I also spent multiple weeks on bedrest while pregnant with our older son. For some of the time I was alone in CA while my husband was starting a new job in WA.
Keep focusing on the baby and willing him to grow fast and healthy :)
M
Henri

Dec 17 09, 1:04 am PDT

8
This post was and is awesome. Thanks for sharing your story. I can completely relate with the whole “if I could be quiet, I would” story. I prefer being alone, but I also prefer being with the right people, which so far is not many people in my life.

I find it helps me to just let any emotions be where they are, no need to remove them, that’s the way I work. It was fun reading your thoughts. I’m glad I found your blog, it is simply awesome! :)
Rose

Dec 17 09, 1:42 am PDT

9
Hi, I found your post through Twitter–I just wanted to say thanks, I’ve been really lonely the last couple days and for some reason it’s gotten out of control! Thanks so much for your post, especially the sections on what you’ve learned and how to snap out of it. I really feel better now!

Thanks, and best wishes for everything this month :)
Henri
Dec 17 09, 2:21 am PDT

10
Agree ! One should comtemplate the power of “aloneness”. Get rid of your internet addictions for a while and know yourself !
Positively Present

Dec 17 09, 5:54 am PDT

11
Tina, it sounds like you have had a lot to deal with lately but from reading what you’ve written I really feeling like you’re dealing with a difficult situation extremely well. It’s hard to be alone and to feel lonely, but you really can (and have!) learned so much from it. I recently wrote a post called “The Best Ways to Embrace Solitude” that might interest you. You can check it out here: http://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/12/how-to-embrace-solitude.html. Best of luck with everything — keep thinking positively!!
chris
Dec 17 09, 6:52 am PDT

12
While seeking the positive in your situation: please, please, feel grateful that your monthlong hospital stay can be likened to a free hotel trip! Too many women cannot afford or experience such necessary life-sustaining “luxury.” You are truly and exceptionally fortunate to have such a caring partner and expert medical guidance during this time. Best to you and the family!
Nathalie Lussier

Dec 17 09, 7:30 am PDT

13
I can only imagine what it feels like to be cooped up in the hospital on bed rest. It does sound nice on the surface, but if all the nurses and doctors keep talking about boredom, depression, etc… it’s bound to get to you!

I’m so glad you’ve found ways to change your situation and the way you think about it. Your baby Ryan sounds so awesomely cute and you just look so beautiful in the update pictures.

Eeks I don’t think I could deal with the tofu/cheese either considering you’re eating it so often. Think of happy meal times after you give birth. ;)
Lisa
Dec 17 09, 9:01 am PDT

14
This may be a good time for you to also re-evaluate your social condition. It is way too much emotional responsibility for your husband to be your only friend. Someday he may find it overwhelming and resent the situation. By having relationships with other people, you will be a good teacher and example for your child. You can’t go it alone….we are not meant to be that way. You may also want to evaluate why you feel you don’t need other people in your life. I look forward to hearing about your progress.

I have four children. I was 40 when I have my last one. It was a high risk pregnancy and I had to stay in bed for the last month. I got to stay in bed at home which was nicer then I could listen to my music or do my art work.

Do you like to listen to music? Or maybe someone can come in and teach you how to do something new like knit or crochet or scrapbooking.

Challenges bring on opportunities….
Karla
Dec 17 09, 9:53 am PDT

15
Hi Tina,
After having three children I can understand your feelings during pregnancy. I remember feeling very emotional during this time. These are normal feelings of mommies to be. I want to wish you the best and enjoy this beautiful time in a womans life. I can’t wait to meet little Ryan so please keep us informed. Best Wishes to you, Jeremy and little Ryan.
Hethir

Dec 17 09, 10:21 am PDT

16
Hi Tina,
Just one more day to go girl. Ryan sounds so cute already.
Patrick
Dec 17 09, 10:37 am PDT

17
Tina (or anyone else): question on something you said.

Is this true? How do you know whatever happens is best for you? It would be great if it is ;) But, I think a more accurate way to put this is that whatever happens to you is neutral (ie. it depends on how you use it)….but that the most enlightened way to respond to events in ones life is that they are the best thing for you.
Thoughts?
claude lambert

Dec 17 09, 11:54 am PDT

18
I remember hearing similar comments from actress Sophia Loren … in the 60s (she was one of the first women treated successfully for infertility and stayed in bed most of the time). I remember that well because I was not sure I would be able to get kids. Maybe you could ask for a volunteer to come and read to you. And you are just as beautiful as Sophia, that should be a comfort.

The diet must be annoying: at least Sophia Loren wrote a cookbook! There should be a dietetician available to tell you about allowed fillers…and you could fill the room!

Good luck with it all. You are going to need help until your strength comes back, it is incredibly tiring to be in bed: think about how to manage the first weeks.

Best of the best to you
claude
Santidevi

Dec 17 09, 12:43 pm PDT

19
Tina,

I appreciate your candid, self-reflective and authentic translation of your experiences. It is a gift to us all. The beauty of not being unable to inhabit your life/body as you once did, is that it gives you the opportunity to surrender ever more deeply to the unknown, to the grace of the present moment. Relaxing into what is happening, you awaken your natural curiosity and wonder. The resistance ceases, and joy arises spontaneously.

There is grace in the stillness of your experience, in the unscheduled hours that are punctuating your days.
Staring out the window at the water, the mind unfettered by the daily demands of life, you are free to simply be where you are. Rest Tina, feel the presence of the sacred within you. You are truly blessed.

Life is compassionately preparing you for the ever humbling, amazingly challenging, awe inspiring world, of loving and caring for a new life. Nothing is more awakening or transformative than becoming a parent. Ryan is very fortunate to have two parents who are so mindful, conscious, and self-aware. I keep you all in my heart, and pray for your health and well-being. May every moment bring you into a deeper state of peace.

love,
santidevi

**************
REPLY:

That’s beautiful. Thank you! –Tina
Carol
Dec 17 09, 12:51 pm PDT

20
Thanks. All good words. Regarding the “repeated suggestion”: Yes. Very powerful influence. Good to note its occurence and actively stop that – to contradict that person who is repeating that wrong message when it occurs.

Aloneness: I enjoy my alone time. My personality sounds like yours a bit. I am sort of rigid about boundaries sometimes and that makes me less fluid. I think really social people have to let people into their lives more–so they are more flexible. I try to flex more. But I am already 40 yrs old and sort of set…

Repetition: Yes. True.

Choices:Takes practice. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. It does work.

Snapping out of lonliness: All good ideas. Another thought is including regular contact with some new people – such as taking on a volunteer gig somewhere, or joining a social group, or spending some time at a friendly coffee shop or bar at the same time daily or every other day so you are making some new pals. Not all places are alike – some places have a cold, aloof tone. I think partly it is the folks that work there that set the tone.

Wishing you much health and happiness with your new arrival and Happiest of Holidays.
claude lambert

Dec 17 09, 1:06 pm PDT

21
Tina, I mentioned that you are beautiful; you also have talent:write a book!
friendly
claude
Patrick
Dec 17 09, 1:10 pm PDT

22
Lol. Ignore my comment above if anybody is confused by it. I meant to quote a part of the article, but it’s not showing up. I must have made a mistake in entering the xhtml code….
I’ve got to run here, but I might post it again later. :)
Tina Su

Dec 17 09, 1:11 pm PDT

23
Hi Patrick, you said:

Is this true? How do you know whatever happens is best for you? It would be great if it is ;) But, I think a more accurate way to put this is that whatever happens to you is neutral (ie. it depends on how you use it)….but that the most enlightened way to respond to events in ones life is that they are the best thing for you.
Thoughts?

You articulated better than I, and yes, that’s what I meant.
I am a big believer that everything is auspicious. But another way to explain it is that in the Universe, there is no good or bad, there just IS. Like you said, it’s neutral, it is us who labels them good or bad.

Events often occur without us understanding it, and afterwards, we often draw the conclusion that a “bad” event really worked out for our own benefit in some way.

From my own experience, I’ve found that no matter now terrible an event seems, there always seems to be a greater benefit as a result of it.
Ashley
Dec 17 09, 8:59 pm PDT

24
Your post brought tears to my eyes with your realization of how you felt lonely and even more so with how sweet Jeremy responded. I’m happy to hear that despite the difficulties you are triumphant and Ryan continues to do well.
Kerry Philpott
Dec 17 09, 9:42 pm PDT

25
That was a great article. You are being strong, even though you don’t realise it every moment.
shikha
Dec 18 09, 2:17 am PDT

26
hey tina, as usual another great article by you,solitude is essential to know our innerselves ,agreed . I am preparing for a big exam ,my life my happiness depends on it . Though i am putting my best effort but at times i feel very low ,despair AND at this time your soothing words work like a medicine . I feel as if your each article is specially written for me spec. “FINDING TRUE LOVE” , wil keep in touch with u ,take care of ryan.
Krismint
Dec 18 09, 3:25 am PDT

27
Hi Tina,
Its always nice to read your views. Being a women with two kids i do understand what you are going through. Pregnancy can at times be really the most challenging periods of ones life but trust me once your bundle of joy is placed in your hand you will forget all that you have gone through. Its great to know that admist all this you are still focusing on being positive and bravely going through each and every problem thats coming your way. One thing I have also realised that our mind has immense power in making us feel good , bad or worse. Any one who has learnt to control one’s mind is great. I can relate to what you are going through a lot simply because there are days in my life when i suddenly feel nothing is going my way but i don’t let this feeling remain long in me, i make sure i go through the feeling for a day and remove all the built up anger and frustration from within and focus on welcoming the next day with lots of hope for a wonderful day.

I try and count all my blessing which most of us take it for granted and thank god for giving us this beautiful life. Hardships will always be there but we need to only request god to make our minds more strong, so that we can go through this period of anguish with preseverence. Knowing you, i am sure these days will soon pass by and your life will be filled with happiness in just a matter of time.
Carol
Dec 18 09, 4:52 am PDT

28
You are never alone and like the teenage years, this too shall pass.
I will keep you in my prayers.
F.R.O.G. (Forever Rely On God)
shikha
Dec 18 09, 9:36 am PDT

29
Hi CAROL, F.R.O.G. – great {wont forget it }
Deb
Dec 18 09, 11:11 am PDT

30
Totally randomly found your site via http://simpleorganizedlife.com and saw your post–I didn’t have GD, but can totally sympathize with you on the crazy hormones of being pregnant, etc. Glad you’ll get to go home for the holidays! Hang in there and try to enjoy the whole experience because it really does fly by (I know everyone probably tells you this)…HUGS!
Chuck
Dec 18 09, 12:31 pm PDT

31
“I can be very interactive and animated when I speak, and can carry on conversations without awkwardness. But if I could choose, I would prefer not to speak, period. If I had to categorize, I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert either. I just don’t like to mingle, it feels like a waste of time, and sometimes very artificial. I realized that most things people talk about in social settings aren’t very interesting or relative, and are really spoken to fill the awkward spaces that we associate with silence.”

Sorry to zero in on this one aspect of your post, but this is a common misconception that drives me nuts. Introversion is not the same thing as shyness or social awkwardness. What you described in that paragraph up there? That’s pretty much the definition of an introvert. Here are a few articles that might give you a better understanding:

Happy Introvert Day

Introverts of the World, Unite!

Introverts Are Not Mentally Ill

The Introverts Strike Back
ioana
Dec 19 09, 7:41 am PDT

32
Hi Tina, I just gave birth almost 3 weeks ago, and I really relate with everything u just said, but I also experienced being lonely when I most needed my husbands’s support. But u r right we chose our own heaven and hell, and after I gave birth, all i could think of was not my loneliness, but my sweet Sophia, and her best. I discovered that I have a tremendous capacity to change, but in a way that will help me with taking care of my daughter. My labour was not that long, I refused epidural, but the only thing that i regret is that I passed out when my little one was born, from the pain and medication they gave me. It is a long story, but I could really write a book about my past 3 weeks. U be strong there and look after your little baby, and cherrish every moment. Take care
Dee

Dec 19 09, 12:27 pm PDT

33
Your post makes such a powerful statement about the importance of gettting in touch with ourselves. I feel that too often some people let life happen to them instead of making an effort to call the shots. I guess it’s easier, because ‘knowing thyself’ requires steady and hard work.

It really is a matter of perspective, isn’t it? If you convince yourself that rainstorms are in that blue sky, they will come by and by.

I, too, am a loner by choice. I like my company. I like my solo activities. I like people too, but I find that it’s challenging to find sufficient common ground to sustain long periods of interaction. Consequently, my closest friends tend to be loners too, and we all come up for air on occasion to get transfused with companionship elixir. I’ve never been hospitalized, or forced to be inactive for any significant period of time, so I sympathize with your plight. However, knowing me, if I had my laptop (playing with the computer is one of my favorite activities), I could probably entertain myself for hours on end.

Thanks for and enlightening, life affirming post.
Susan
Dec 19 09, 4:45 pm PDT

34
Hi Tina-
I just started following you on your journey to motherhood a few weeks ago, and I’ve got to say, I empathize with you! I lived through a very similar situation with my first daughter. I had to go on bed rest at 28 weeks and thought at first that it would be wonderful to sit and relax, and be waited on at the hospital, but I soon found out that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. Even thought people thought I was nuts to say that I wished I could get out of bed and go back to work, I felt restless and had a feeling of constant unease.
I look back now and realize what a wonderful teaching I got out of that moment in my life- I learned (and still have to relearn) how to embrace the ups and downs in life.
Kudos to you too, for being able to admit that you are having a rough time. I think that many people put on the face of the martyr instead of allowing themselves to feel the emotions.
I’m sending you and your baby boy my warmest wishes and blessings. Keep doing what you are doing!
Kris

Dec 20 09, 8:16 pm PDT

35
I know exactly what you are talking about when you describe how hungry you get when pregnant. The way I used to describe it when I was pregnant was that everytime I was hungry it felt like an emergency.

I know that you are vegan and I have made the same diet choice based on the data from The China Study and other similar books.

My advice to you is, if you feel like eating meat or dairy when you are feeling so hungry, go ahead and eat it. You can pick up with vegan eating again after you have the baby. A month with a little meat and cheese won’t hurt you. You can still eat healthy and still have a little bit of these foods too.

If those foods are not palatable to you, then nevermind. But, my point is eat whatever you’re allowed to eat on the diabetic menu. Don’t drive yourself crazy with only tofu if you have a choice. When you’re pregnant, do what will make you happy. And I’m not saying eat a ton of meat and cheese, just if you feel like you would like it then add it in along with all your healthy choices.

I know I hated it when people told me what to do when I was pregnant, but I say this to you because I want you to be happy. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is make yourself happy. So maybe it’s not perfectly in line with the “healthiest” way to eat, but if you are happy and feeding your body, perhaps it would be helpful.

I’m so happy for you that you have such an amazing husband who is so loving and supportive. That is so key.

I wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery! I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story!
Kris

Dec 20 09, 8:22 pm PDT

36
One other thing, when I first became vegan, I remember getting upset with my mom everytime she was unsupportive of my new way of eating, or what I perceived as being unsupportive.

So I hope that my comment doesn’t come across as being unsupportive of your vegan choice, but rather that I am trying to support you in suggesting going easy on yourself if that makes your pregnancy more enjoyable.
Julie Angelos

Dec 23 09, 9:37 am PDT

37
Hi Tina –

I’ve just started following your blog about two months ago when my friend Adam posted one of your articles on his facebook page. I love it. You are a great communicator and generous with your readers. I also said I have baby clothes for you if you need them only problem though is that I’m in Italy and the cost to ship even a CD is very expensive.

I wouldn’t worry about that though – you will receive so many gifts more than you need. We live an abundant life. I remember when I was pregnant and it was a strange and wonderful time for me. I still miss being able to touch my stomach and feel the baby move. I remember when I would go eat alone and I would think that was the last time. After I became a mother my life changed for the better. It is indescribable and I’m not going to attempt it.

I remember I was so sensitive when I was pregnant. Your body is preparing you. You will soon be on a 24 hour a day feeding schedule. It’s all going to be OK. I know that each birth is a miracle. It’s when we see God. How else can we explain humanity? I’m happy for you.

I pray for your safety and health. Take extra good care of yourself. I would also HIGHLY recommend taking a bath or a shower. I understand you are in bed but if at all possible the water somehow makes our stomachs more elastic. In my hospital room they set up a plastic chair under the shower head.

Take care sweet and beautiful girl.

Julie
Katherine
Dec 23 09, 9:12 pm PDT

38
Aww that sucks!
Take Care
Robert
Dec 25 09, 8:18 pm PDT

39
Wow! Whenever we read one of your having a hard-time blogs, we can actually feel like we’re there. The funny thing is, being human, all of us face these, and worse, moments. How we handle it is a function of our strength and experience. This is a little surreal. You tell us you have a problem, and then you make yourself write out solutions. That takes a lot of effort as when we get in a rut, our natural inclination is not to want to get out.

We wish you all well and as you know, saying stuff doesn’t really help you. You know the answers?

May suggest something? Read funny and enlightening stuff. Try to varu things and focus on thingst hat make you happy and not on the present irritating things.

I try to get my daily does of humour from watching Jon Stewart’s Daily Show on the web. He is outrageously funny (and had I not been the introverted, book-wormish type that I am, I’d wish to grow up exactly kie Jon Stewart…!).

Focus on happy things. Keep it simple. Do everything to focus on your desire to have the baby born healthy. That’s why you’re going thru this crap anyway…. (Very logical and insensitive, I know).

You are about to have the greatest experience of your life. I, as a man, and more than half the population of this world, will never be empowered to experience it – even if we paid for it!

Motherhood is the greatest gift of nature – whether we realize it or not.

Smile. Your baby boy will be the greatest source of joy – and pain – in your life. It’s worth it. I already have two boys.
jon | adventures of the fearless

Dec 28 09, 1:54 pm PDT

40
Well there is time for everything. Try not to be too hard on yourself
Julie Angelos

Dec 29 09, 2:00 am PDT

41
I know what you need for a good laugh. I know you are spiritual but all girlfriends need a good laugh. This book was recommended to me by my best friend of 20 years when I was knocked up. You’ll enjoy. The author’s a bit crazy.

http://www.amazon.com/Girlfriends-Guide-Pregnancy-everything-doctor/dp/0671524313

Julie
Mark Nolan

Dec 29 09, 5:10 pm PDT

42
Hope you are feeling better and are enjoying being home for the holidays.

I really liked these words you wrote:

“Treat every moment as a gift, even the ones that make you cry. Because in those moments, life happens, and growth happens – which will lead you into becoming a stronger version of yourself.”

I have always told myself that every moment in life, both the good and bad, are opportunities to learn and grow and become a better person.

Keep smiling,

Mark
J.D. Meier

Dec 30 09, 10:00 pm PDT

43
I think it’s helpful to shift focus using past, present, or future and use what serves you best.
Erin

Dec 31 09, 10:40 am PDT

44
You hang in there. I had Gestational Diabetes during pregnancy,and didn’t know it. So I was eating rice, pasta and ice cream and my blood sugar was crazy up and down. I gained too much weight and felt terrible.

So glad you are being well cared for. Many blessings for you in 2010.
Deb

Jan 03 10, 12:44 pm PDT

45
Dear Tina, Hope you and Ryan are doing great! I’m 26 weeks pregnant and really battling boredom and feelings of loneliness at home…thanks for the article! Happy New Year!
Don
Jan 05 10, 12:36 pm PDT

46
Tina,

Hang in there!!!

I stumbled upon this site through some searches. Funny now, but I cannot recall what exactly I was searching for but they brought me to this amazing site. Thank you for all of your words of wisdom. You are appreciated more than you will ever know. A lot of your articles hit home with me and I am truly thankful for that. You now have another devoted fan to your website.

Take care and Happy New Year!!!

Don
Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot

Feb 13 10, 2:27 am PDT

47
Love the pregnancy photos. You look radiant. I think being pregnant is like being at the top of the rollercoaster before it plunges down and round. Congratulations on having a baby boy. It’s going to be a thrilling ride with plenty of ups and downs, a little screaming from all the family and plenty of smile and laughter too. Enjoy it:)
The Feminine Woman

Apr 12 10, 1:17 am PDT

48
Fabulous article!

I’ve discussed this with my man before and I totally agree that the feeling of loneliness is completely different to being alone.

Feeling that you have the ABILITY to connect with others, I think is the difference.

You can be a hermit but honestly feel as you have the ability to connect with whoever or whatever.

Thanks for this article :)
Christian Louboutin

Jun 02 10, 12:05 am PDT

49
thank you for your sharing.
Core Fitness: James Thompson

Jul 19 10, 6:50 am PDT

50
Hello,

I’m a new reader here, and going back and looking at old posts. I see you’ve had Ryan already and look forward to reading that too. I just wanted to let you know that this really resonated with me. I’m a guy, so I’ve never been pregnant and I don’t have a child yet but I’ve had the same feelings.

-James
zhb
Dec 02 10, 9:06 am PDT

51
I saw that I have been lonely, and thinking about how to get out from this now. Actually, people who in this position should knows or awares that ” The law of Atraction whitch must bring him or her the abuselutely real thing when thinking about some bad or good ideas. ”
Thank you ,may be this could help me get away from lonelyness …
English is bad ….
CatherineCS
Jun 23 11, 3:26 pm PDT

52
Thank you so much for this post, today it has been a life saver…

Your Thoughts?

Add A Comment

We'd love to hear them! Please share:

Trackbacks (0)

Think Simple Now. Happiness and Happy Life