The 5 Myths of Positive Mental Attitude

85 Comments

“A positive mental attitude is the starting point of all riches,
whether they be riches of a material nature or intangible riches.“
- Napoleon Hill

Okay, so there’s no myth that I am a positive person, or at least striving to be one. However, I am aware that I’m not positive all the time. I am continuously working to become conscientious of my choices, thoughts and reactions. I frequently get asked about positive thinking, and I wanted to first clear up some points of confusion.

Positive people are not living like Pollyanna in some dream world with no hold on reality. Positive people may have an attitude like Pollyanna, but they are not necessarily unrealistic. Positive person are very capable of understanding the reality of a cynic. They just change their mindset to see the reality from a different perspective.

With so many myths about positive mental attitude (PMA), it’s important to separate the truth from the fiction. Let’s explore some of these myths and dive into the truths behind them.

Myth #1: Negative thinking is more realistic.

Have you ever heard a negative person say that they aren’t negative; they’re just being ‘realistic’? This myth keeps people locked in a negative reality of their own creation.

A person’s thoughts, whether positive or negative, do have an effect on their environment. If you think negatively, your mind will automatically seek out confirmation that the world is a terrible place. Seeing is believing, and your mind reinforces your belief that reality is negative. See how it’s a downward spiral of negativity? If you expect negative results, you are less likely to take risks and try new things. Negative thinking masks your impressions in fear.

Positive thinking works the same way. With a positive mental attitude, you’ll seek out positive choices and expect positive results. This helps you move past fear and try things that others may believe “can’t be done”. This typically end in positive results.

A person’s thinking helps determine their reality. Negative thinking is realistic for the negative thinker, but only because their thoughts make it true. Ironically, the positive thinking also sees reality, just in a different light. Both types of people see their own reality, and both consider it the reality.

Myth #2: People with a PMA expect moneybags to fall out of the sky if they wish for them.

Those who don’t believe in positive thinking imagine that positive thinkers expect that their desire will manifest itself if they simply think positively about it. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Everyone who accomplishes anything - whether it’s earning a million dollars or becoming an award-winning actor - accomplish it the same way: by taking action. Positive people have an edge because they believe the object of their desire is attainable. They come from a ‘can-do’ mindset. Their actions are not based on fear or scarcity, but based on possibilities. Thus, a positive attitude helps a person manifest their desires, not simply by dreaming about it, but by inspiring the person to take action.

“It’s the action behind the attraction that makes the dream come true.“

Myth #3: Positive thinking doesn’t change reality

People who believe this myth see a problem and believe that positive thinking will only ignore the ugliness of their reality. The truth is positive thinking doesn’t ignore the problem; it helps you see the problem in a new light. In fact, you don’t even see ‘problems’ as problems. Think about it; regardless of how you react to an external situation, the situation will still be the same. If being upset doesn’t change the outcome of a past situation, wouldn’t it serve you, and your health, to see the positives?

A positive mental attitude creates a mindset of abundance, enthusiasm, and solutions. Instead of thinking about what can’t be done, a positive thinker will not be constrained by ‘can’ and ‘cannot.’ A positive thinker is free to think of new ways to solve problems because they are not limited by fear of failure. When we are in a state of abundance, we provide a fertile ground for possibilities and making dreams a reality. We are in a state of allowance, openly accepting the gifts of life to flow to us. When I realized this principle and shifted my thinking habits, miracles started popping up in my life.

A positive mental attitude can - and indeed does - change reality by allowing a person to act in an entirely different way, thus harvesting entirely different results.

“Successful men become successful only because
they acquire the habit of thinking in terms of success.“
- Napoleon Hill

Myth #4: Positive thinkers have no clue about the real world.

It’s easy to believe that people with a positive mental attitude have perfect lives and never dealt with real world hardships. Maybe people wouldn’t be so positive if they’d endured a few difficult times in their lives. But the truth is that this is really just a justification for negative thinking.

I don’t know a positive person who hasn’t had real and serious trials in their lives. They’ve faced disappointment, death of loved ones, physical handicap, and pretty much the range of human experiences we all deal with. The difference is that these people didn’t let those experiences change their outlook. A positive mental attitude means that you are in control of your own thoughts and feelings.

“Responsibilities = our abilities to control our responses.”
- paraphrasing Steven Covey

Every person has sorrows and trials that test them to the core, but only some people have the courage to act positively and with grace. A positive mental attitude doesn’t mean a person has sidestepped a hard life. It simply means they choose to see and take part in the good things life has to offer, as opposed to only the negative.

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl an extraordinary Holocaust survivor talks about finding happiness and purpose while in a Nazi concentration camp. In his book, he argues that “we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose.“

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and freedom.“
- Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Myth #5: People with a PMA are annoying and cheesy.

Okay, let’s admit it, some types of positive people are a little cheesy. We’re talking about the kind who spout platitudes and expect everything to be perfect no matter what. But truly positive people aren’t Tony Robbins infomercials. Positive people have real thoughts and have setbacks and discouragement just like everyone else, but they are also resilient and look for ways to stay positive. And that’s not cheesy, it’s just healthy thinking! And smart living!

Truly positive people do not expect perfection, but rather, they expect that every event is the best thing that could have happened in that moment. It is the only event that happened in that moment. Now that you’re considering the event, that moment has past. You cannot go back and change the moment, so you have to accept what happened was the best, and move on to the next moment.

Even in external circumstances that seem out of our control, we can always control is our internal response. In fact, it’s the only thing we have absolute control over.

Final Thoughts …

I genuinely believe that every moment is a gift, thus regardless of what is happening, it is perfect. There is always a gift, or lesson, to be taken away from that moment. I suspect that some of you are instantly thinking about death scenarios. “What is there to gain from death?”, you ask. Life is full of birth and deaths, this is reality. When death and change happens, we have to embrace reality, pick up and handle it to the best of our abilities. When this happens, we will gain different lessons due to our own stories, but perhaps the lesson could be:

a realization to spend more time with your family
to give people more respect
to realize that life is limited and that you should go after your dreams
[insert your own lessons and realizations]

Please note that when I speak about death, I’m not just referring to death of a person or animal, but rather death of time, of change. Most of us instinctively resist change and hang on to the past with dear life. If you think about it, we are experiencing birth and death constantly, every moment consists of them; with each new moment, it is the death of the last moment and a birth for the current moment. That’s it. Embrace it with grace.

Next time you perceive that something crappy is happening to you, instead of reacting with anger and frustration, ask yourself the following questions:

Where is the gift in this situation?
What did I learn from it?
So what? What can you do now? (If the moment has passed, just accept it!)

What are your views on positive mental attitude? What are some myths you have about them? Share with us in the comments.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg or bookmark it on del.icio.us. I appreciate your support. :)

85 Responses (65 Comments, 20 Trackbacks ):

Comments

Chris McCorkle

Dec 05 07, 6:54 am PST

1
Hmm… I know a lot of people that should read this! Interestingly they are the cheesy, out-of-touch positive people.

Thanks for the post!
reason

Dec 05 07, 7:06 am PST

2
Great post Tina!

Regarding Myth#2 - I couldn’t help think of the The Secret and it’s promise of material things if you focus on them long and hard enough - especially the boy and the bike example, among others.
I 100% agree with the idea that taking action is what creates opportunity, achievement, and/or accomplishment.

There seems to be a precarious line between “Polyannic” people and true positive people. I believe it’s at the point of handling self-doubt. It’s such a powerful and inherent part of us (fight or flight) and is best channeled when accepted and managed vs. glossed over and ignored.
David Finch

Dec 05 07, 7:42 am PST

3
Having a positive mental attitude isn’t about superstitions, magic or ignoring the facts. It’s about seeing the facts and CHOOSING to believe in yourself. It’s having the ability to not only see the problem, but see through the problem.

The cheesy PMAers often times wrap themselves in wishful thinking. However, having a PMA isn’t about make believe, but again choosing on how you’ll act and respond to anything that life throws your way.

Being negative is easy. It’s everywhere, but staying positive takes work. By choosing to remain positive it definitely becomes easier and easier.

Tina, again great piece and like yourself I’m choosing to remain positive no matter what!
Jennic

Dec 05 07, 7:45 am PST

4
I’ve struggled with who I am, in regards to whether I’m a positive or negative thinker.

I would like to think that I’m a positive person in general. But there have been many (bad) events in my life that I just can’t help being a cynic or angry about sometimes. i.e. I was diagnosed with cancer a mere 10 weeks after my wedding; I was 24 years old. I had been healthy all my life prior to that, and suddenly the world crashed on me and it literally crushed me. Or when I miscarried a much longed for baby with no warning signs or explanation whatsoever.

Yes I’m conscientious about my choices of reaction, but sometimes, those reactions are nothing but anger and hurt and depression (and those are hardly positive). I think in cases like these, time is extremely essential and crucial. Without time, there is no amount of striving and active thinking that would have helped put me in the positive camp. So for me, time has healed some of those wounds and I am now able to think more positively.
Doug Kyle

Dec 05 07, 8:08 am PST

5
What you write is true for those with a PMA that are accomplishing things. Unfortunately, I’ve also run into a number of people who fall into category #2 (probably as a result of #4). There are definitely those who think money will just come to them and it is with these ones that I get frustrated as all the conversations in the world around putting words to action doesn’t seem to help. Fortunately, this is quite a minority. Unfortunately, they’re also often the source of #5 in that they’re the ones talking about how important a PMA is but not doing anything else and it shows. In my experience, those with a PMA and are acting on it, usually aren’t talking about it, they’re simply living it.
JEMi

Dec 05 07, 9:04 am PST

6
I applaud you for this article because I am one of those positive mental attitude types and all my life I’ve dealt with people’s misconception of my personal outlook on life.

I do tend to approach things thinking “How can I make this work?” and because I have a pleasant demeanor, sometime’s people admit they are surprised I’ve dealt with what I have because I’m always smiling (lol and no, not at weird inappropriate times)

Of course bad things happen, sometimes more often than others. Of course there are a negative side to things. But I don’t see how scowling at every face I see or approaching everything with “I Can’t” improves my quality of life.

In fact, I think being the way I am helped bring some major opportunities, not to mention a solid growing network of good people.

I am always looking to grow and increase my ability to utilize positive thinking for my life. Thanks for this post.
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

Dec 05 07, 11:28 am PST

7
Very nice, Tina. One of my favourite articles on your blog. Cheesy people - that cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.

Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Modern personal development, entwined with ancient spirituality.
Sierra

Dec 05 07, 12:08 pm PST

8
That’s an article that i really like a lot. :)
I agree with what you wrote in it but let me tell you another point of view.
This is all about perception, how you perceive things around you with the help of your senses and brain reactions. We have to take into account the fact that your subconsciouses “thinks” different than you.
Some people see the bright part of live because of a native brain characteristic that other don’t have but could “get” one by teaching their brain to see things how they want to (auto suggestion and so on).
I believe that the “gifted” people are indeed happier than the normal ones and than the pessimists, and i also believe that anyone with some medium intelligence could learn to be like that too.
(This in short words..but i’m sure u understand what i said.)
Sue Ann Edwards

Dec 05 07, 12:19 pm PST

9
Wonderful article!

What I have found is that a lot of ‘positive thinking’ is mere lip service. Like a rendition if repeated enough, could be believed. Scratch the surface and we’ll find a lack of emotional coping skills. An inability to cope with….”the negative”.

Humorous really, on a quantum level. Radiating FEAR and expecting to attract something positive from it.

Negative fields attract negative poles. Radiating FEAR of the negative, no matter the lip service, will end up attracting exactly what is feared.
Todd

Dec 05 07, 12:36 pm PST

10
good work Tina– this is always a favorite topic of mine, and I suggest you read 7 Effective Ways to Implement Positive Thinking to take these ideas a step further! Thanks again!

Todd Goldfarb
We The Change
T. Dorsey

Dec 05 07, 1:15 pm PST

11
My view on PMA stated very simply is “Happiness is choice.” I choose happiness.
Jean Browman Cheerful Monk

Dec 05 07, 1:56 pm PST

12
Good topic, and I think you generalize too much when you talk about positive people. Some are cheesy and some do believe if they have the right attitude the universe will reward them. But not all positive people believe that. You’re generalizing as much as the people who argue against positive thinkers. I happen to be a positive person and have pretty much your attitude towards life…and I believe it would be just as effective to say “I’m a positive thinker and this is what I believe” rather than saying “positive thinkers believe”.

Except for that, it’s a well-written piece on the subject. Thanks.
Ignacio Silva

Dec 05 07, 2:05 pm PST

13
Excellent post Tina!
Yesterday I was talking with some friends about luckiness.
Does Luck really exist? Depends on us? or is it a parameter of life? This
is a good analogy.

Your post give us a new perspective of this question and maybe another good hour of conversation ;)
What do you think about luck? Does it exist?

Best regards,
Ignacio Silva
Ignacio Silva

Dec 05 07, 2:07 pm PST

14
Apparently the link was missing :(
Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeSCXQ5DaTM
Andrea Hess Empowered Soul

Dec 05 07, 2:20 pm PST

15
Great article, Tina! I’m one of those disgustingly happy people that always sees the glass as half-full. And life is good! Maybe that gets a little annoying to others sometimes … :-)

I derive a lot of PMA from a couple of basic principles, that a. I’m the Creator of my experience (and I am!) and b. Everyone else is the Creator of theirs. And I cannot possibly judge anyone else’s experience as good or bad. Nor am I responsible for making anyone happy (as if that were possible) other than myself. And so I make my choices, knowing they create my experience, and try my best to honor the choices of everyone around me.

What we label “positive” and “negative” are truly just that - labels. We attach values such as good and bad, but really everything is just a result, an experience, and everything has a purpose, even if we can’t see it from our present perspective.

Thanks for this article!
Blessings,
Andrea
Reach For The Stars

Dec 05 07, 2:42 pm PST

16
I consider myself as too much of a negative person. I sometimes feel that people with a postive attitude are a little cheesy, but I think that maybe because I am too negative. So in a way I am actually jealous.
Adam Bronte

Dec 05 07, 4:36 pm PST

17
Great article! I used to be very negative and it can be really easy to focus on negative things so i really know where this article is coming from. Great read.
Free Chat Guy

Dec 05 07, 4:41 pm PST

18
I do believe that a positive attitude helps you feel better and think more clearly. It’s a proven fact that people with a poor attitude have more health problems.
willard

Dec 05 07, 4:44 pm PST

19
being positive won’t change the fact that you are going to die…alone.
so no matter how much you put on a smiley face and pretend everything is just cheery and great, everything you do and say doesn’t matter. everything you think is great isn’t. it all leads to death and suffering. you can’t ignore that. that doesn’t mean you have to sit there and act depressed and bitch and moan. there is good, there is bad. there is life, there is death. everything is both. being a positive person all the time is naive to 50% of the facts of life! objective, perspective, rational logic is the only “positive way to live”.
Jon McGee

Dec 05 07, 4:59 pm PST

20
Great article. I’d add that people sometimes talk about positive and negative mental attitudes the same way they talk about “left” and “right” in politics. It’s taking a complex thing and simplifying it down to just one dimension. Professionals in psychology have invented various measures for personality, one of which is the Myers-Briggs personality test, which defines 4 unique dimensions of personality.

Though “realistic” thinking is often an excuse of negative people, a positive thinker can also call for “realistic” thinking- it’s just another (different) dimension of thought. It’s one thing to let “reality” get you down, it’s another thing to accept “reality” and make the best of it, or maneuver around it. Labeling a “realistic” thinker a “negative” thinker would be a mistake IMO. Is Warren Buffet a realistic thinker? You betcha, he’s famous for it. Is he a negative thinker? Well, if negative thinking is what got him there, shouldn’t we all be a bit more negative? :)
Rigor

Dec 05 07, 5:03 pm PST

21
“Only vegetables are happy” –William Faulkner
Austin

Dec 05 07, 5:17 pm PST

22
As a man thinks so is he.
Seth

Dec 05 07, 5:38 pm PST

23
“Myth #1: Negative thinking is more realistic.” is a myth.

Pretty much any motivational psychological study examining the relationship between depression and realistic thinking will show you this: depressed people actually have a much more realistic and unbiased view of things than most people. They have better accuracy in judging their actual performance, self efficacy, how long time based tasks will take, etc…. However, what we’ve found is that it is healthy for people to have a biased view that suits them. Depressed = accurate. Not depressed = more inaccurate.

Believing you have high self efficacy when you don’t (positive less realistic view) is better than knowing you actually have low self efficacy (negative more realistic view). Check out some of the references in Human Motivation: A Social Psychological Approach by Russell G. Geen. Plenty of juicy info there.
John

Dec 05 07, 5:44 pm PST

24
Great post…found it through digg.

If you want to build on everything you wrote here, read “The T.A.D. Principle” (Google it). It helped change the way I think and subsequently my entire life.
Jean Browman Cheerful Monk

Dec 05 07, 5:57 pm PST

25
Willard,
You might like Positive Attitudes: All Powerful…or Maybe Just Warm and Cozy? at AlixNorth.com. Alix has been through cancer and was naturally cheery during it, but not because she thought it would help her chances of surviving. It’s just the way she is. As she says, “A positive attitude helps you get through the day, if you can come by it authentically.” She also says sadness, depression, fear are also normal reactions to serious illnesses, and when you feel that way you shouldn’t have the added burden of worrying that your attitude will make things worse.

Tina,
Do me a favor and read Living With Me: It’s a Laugh a Minute and tell me if you think Alix’s imaging dark scenarios makes her a negative thinker. In terms of the Enneagram she sure sounds like a Six, always planning for possible bad things to happen. She’s not fatalistic about it…she just makes plans to deal with them. In the post she says if she prepares for things they won’t happen. Instead of coming from an attitude of abundance, believing the universe will ultimately support you if you have right beliefs and right action, she believes the universe won’t do you in if you’re prepared. Obviously the post is partially tongue-in-cheek, and it cracks me up because I’m a Six myself. It’s one of the funniest and wisest things I’ve read in a long while. Wise because she understands that different personality types react in different ways and because she has a sense of humor about it.

Again, Tina, thanks for the food for thought and for starting a great discussion. :)
Jason

Dec 05 07, 6:20 pm PST

26
Well maybe not quite the same thing, but #1 is sort of wrong, at least that’s what my professors and the studies I read in the process of getting my psychology degree were showing. It has been shown that pessimistic people do in fact have a more realistic appraisal on situations. Positive ones have a tendency to “coast” and glide over things that they really should be paying more attention to.

If you have any real data to back up your claim I’d be happy to change that opinion, but as far as I’ve learned, #1 is probably actually not accurate.
Julian

Dec 05 07, 6:24 pm PST

27
So true, unfortunately the people who believe those myths are very convinced of them.
David Baker

Dec 05 07, 6:50 pm PST

28
My introduction to PMA was from arguably one of the greatest hardcore bands Bad Brains. If it is good enough for HR it is good enough for me.
Surekha Tenneti Venugopal

Dec 05 07, 7:47 pm PST

29
Positive thinking, in essence, is celebrating life. Yes, it does have its hazards, as you rightly said in this fine article above, like people thinking simplistically about your view of life and problems.

But yes, to think I Can, I Shall, because I Learn is a great way to deal with life positively, to feel strong and charged, to be a change-agent.
Suekha Tenneti Venugopal
Mark

Dec 05 07, 8:00 pm PST

30
“People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” -Abraham Lincoln
Jay

Dec 05 07, 8:19 pm PST

31
Wow, am I in awe with this post or what? This is so interesting that I subscribed to your feed!

I mean, I’m not a positive minded person and I don’t think I will be, but the points you touched up on are very interesting. And yes, those EXTRA positive acting people do sometimes annoy me because of their cheesiness. LOL!

But great post! I look forward to reading more…

Jay
Seeker

Dec 05 07, 8:27 pm PST

32
Tina,

Extremely well written. I completely agree with all the five myths.

Positive thinking is half the battle won. Once we can visualize ourselves achieving success in our head, it is only a matter of translating it into action.

I run a blog at http://www.positivityhub.com/ and I focus on positive thinking and realizing human potential. I would be happy if you visit and comment on my writing.
Mike

Dec 05 07, 9:03 pm PST

33
This article does a great job responding to the common cognitive distortions that we so easily believe after life’s difficulties get the best of us. There is a great site that has a few self-assessment questionnaires called Authentic Happiness run by Martin Seligman.

I also linked to this story on my Psychology related News site Poppsychnews.com
Chuck Bartok

Dec 05 07, 11:27 pm PST

34
Being a student of Hill, Haanel and the Book of Of Proverbs for almost 50 years in my Marketing career, I have realized daily, the POWER from Within.

My life has had its share of what Society would call “tragedies”…

So what, that is why I don’t associate with “society”

I have never had to quit falling forward. My family has always wondered what it would be like to live like “the Mob” and rely on someone else to provide sustinence.

You and your Readers might enjoy downloading 119 episodes of our Live Talk Talk Show, discussing the daily application of the principles offered in the Book of Proverbs, Think & Grow Rich and The Master Key….
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Thank you again for insights and clarity
Chuck
Judy

Dec 06 07, 3:13 am PST

35
Being positive works as long as you haven’t been diagnosed with depression, aren’t going through menopause, have a physical challenge you’re dealing with etc.

I have friends who are always “up”, always “happy”, and if someone brings up a subject that’s less than “positive”, or share feelings about being down, they don’t know how to handle it. It bothers them that people around them aren’t smiling and happy.

I understand that being positive, in general, is a good thing. But being human comes with a lot of emotions - being mad, angry, depressed, etc. We can’t ignore those emotions, or write a person off because they feel a certain way. After all, we’ll all go through a period where we don’t feel like being “positive” for many reasons, it’s human nature, and we shouldn’t feel bad about it. Issues need to be worked through.

So, in closing, If someone is depressed, that’s OK. Or, if they’re not feeling positive about things, that’s OK too. It’s natural. However, If it goes on for a long period of time, recommend they see a doctor.
Syamil Ali

Dec 06 07, 6:37 am PST

36
As a positive thinker myself I find that my life is far less stressful than would have been had a negative thinker lived my life. Although there are profound challenges in everyone’s lives, I think that it always helps to remember too the good things in one’s life (such as family, home, God…), and that it helps to recall these good things (out loud if you must) while facing adversity.

I am a Muslim, and I have found that it is deeply comforting to seek refuge in God. The Qur’an (Koran) reminds us that every human shall be tested by God, and it is their response (positive or negative) to these tests that they are judged by. It also reminds us that we must be thankful of ANY measure of blessings we receive in life. Indeed life itself is a gift. Whether you believe in God or something else, or even if you are atheist, these teachings are universal and everyone should learn from them.
mac

Dec 06 07, 8:07 am PST

37
Willard:
“being positive won’t change the fact that you are going to die…alone. so no matter how much you put on a smiley face and pretend everything is just cheery and great, everything you do and say doesn’t matter.”

Thanks Willard! You must be English ;) Seriously, thanks, you illustrate wonderfully Myth #3. If nothing we say or do matters, then why say or do anything! But, inaction is an action, in that even sitting in a closet with lights out contemplating the pointless of life, is doing something. The difference between that and rejoicing in that fact that we are alive and able to feel pain, love, sorrow and joy, is that the latter brings an awareness that this brief brilliant flash that is our life is an opportunity to saver the smell of fresh ground coffee and the smile on a stranger’s face.
Kwame

Dec 06 07, 9:29 am PST

38
Hi

Another great post Tina, I felt compelled to thank you on my Blog. I hope thats cool.

My only additition to all the interesting perspectives being presented here is that In my opinion I think the effects of a positive mental attitude or out look, can be seen clearly when you observe how people learn and once you open you mind to the possibility of absorbing something you so readily do so.

Also it seems like if you have a postive outlook you literally project it out and people can pick up on that. I don’t intend to sound all hippied out but you can project a good energy or a bad energy, it’s the very reason that you can sit in a room with some in a bad temper and you will know even without looks or words exchanged.

Its a sensory gift and I think if we learn to master it we would all be better for it.

One

Kwamsta
Terri Holley

Dec 06 07, 9:34 am PST

39
Good topic. Our perception of positivity, authentic happiness and joy is a product of how we define these things and how we define fulfillment. Often fulfillment gets erroneously associated with being cheesy and blissful. Not so. Fulfillment is a radical move and often involves hard, painful and uncomfortable choices. Look at some of the great life changers of today: Gandhi, Martin Luther King. People who have experienced traumatic events yet keep going also fit into this category. Christopher Reeve, for example. They all had a burning desire for fulfillment yet their lives were not always blissful. What fuels positive thinking is honoring the passion or fire that lies within because it is either that “thing”… or nothing.

“Truly positive people do not expect perfection, but rather, they expect that every event is the best thing that could have happened in that moment. It is the only event that happened in that moment. Now that you’re considering the event, that moment has past. You cannot go back and change the moment, so you have to accept what happened was the best, and move on to the next moment.”

This is a great point! Negativity is often a result of unmet expectations. When we disengage from our ideal outcome of a particular day, a conversation, or an event, we give positivity room to grow. Thanks, Tina!
Kwame

Dec 06 07, 9:49 am PST

40
Reply to Jennic

Hi

Your story intrigued me so I felt I better write you a few words, It is hugely painfully when there is a loss of life, it seems at time we been dealt a bad hand. I was born with sickle cell anemia a blood disorder which can be very painfully and as a teenage I was quite an angry kid feeling quite hard done by because I couldn’t be like everyone else.

Somewhere along the lines, I realized that so long as I was alive I had nothing to be fearful of. Since then I have made a conscious decision to enjoy the ride of life no matter what may come, some will be good and some not so good but if I keep in my that I will come out the other side the bad is not so bad and the good is even better. I hope all this makes some kinda sense.

Peace

Kwame
Doug Kyle

Dec 06 07, 9:57 am PST

41
On:

“Truly positive people do not expect perfection, but rather, they expect that every event is the best thing that could have happened in that moment. It is the only event that happened in that moment. Now that you’re considering the event, that moment has past. You cannot go back and change the moment, so you have to accept what happened was the best, and move on to the next moment.”

I agree with every thing except the initial assumption. Specifically “they expect that every event is the best thing that could have happened in that moment”. I consider myself to be a very optimistic person but I do not think every event that has occurred was the best event that could have occurred. Sometimes in fact, they’re downright terrible. Is this negative? Perhaps, but I don’t think so as my attitude is one that looks at the event, critiques and learns from what led up to it, and is confident and optimistic that the repercussions of that event can be dealt with and turned into a positive.

I like Terri’s comment that “Negativity is often a result of unmet expectations.” This is bang on. Said unexpected events can easily lead to negative thoughts. I feel that PMA is overcoming that tendency to become negative and always move forward, but not to deny an event had a negative impact or to blindly accept it was the best thing. In my mind, failure does happen. Having a PMA though means that we can fail forward (i.e. move on and grow) rather than simply fail.
Tina Su

Dec 06 07, 12:22 pm PST

42
Wow, you guys. Thank you for the thoughtful discussion. I will try to respond to specific comments. I’m so impressed with the insights each of you have brought. Thank you for sharing.

Doug Kyle,

“PMA is overcoming that tendency to become negative and always move forward, but not to deny an event had a negative impact or to blindly accept it was the best thing.”

You are absolutely right. I agree with you. Perhaps I should have reworded my initial statement. Instead of the “best thing” which can be mis-interpreted, how about, “Truly positive people do not expect perfection, but rather, they know that any situation which comes their way can be handled with grace and optimism.”

Denying is resisting what IS. What resists persists.
However, what we considered Negative is a label that we have placed on the event. Yes, some event is downright terrible, having PMA means to dive in and say, “Okay, here’s the situation, is there anything I can do to change this outcome? If not, then I move on and see what I could take away from this situation? or use this experience to improve someone else’s life.” I struggle with this at times. The only thing we can expect from life is that it will be unpredictable, and that we will experience disappointments and unmet expectations if we allow it. Terri said it perfectly, “Negativity is often a result of unmet expectations.”.

I loved Andrea’s comment:

What we label “positive” and “negative” are truly just that - labels. We attach values such as good and bad, but really everything is just a result, an experience, and everything has a purpose, even if we can’t see it from our present perspective.

The word “Best” from my initial statement is just another word like “Negative”. It’s just a label. I use that expression in my life often, I’ve worked very hard mentally on not having expectations, but to live and be in the moment completely. I genuinely believe (for myself) that every moment is the best that can happen to me in this moment, even if it appears to be a setback or negative event. I know that I meant to experience this moment and so I embrace it. By embracing it, I am fully accepting it. By fully accepting it, the feelings does not persist and we move onto the next experience in the next moment.

Thanks for highlighting this point Doug. I enjoyed reading your perspectives and insights. :)

Jennic,

Thank you for sharing your story. I read it from your blog as well.
Question is, what are the gifts from your experience? What are you grateful for now? Focus on those things and only those things.

You are a cancer survivor! That’s a blessing Jennic, because you can use your experience to help others going through the same thing in ways that only you can do. No body else can replace you and your voice. Use that experience to your advantage. Also what find out what good came out of it. Did it bring your family closer? Did it make you want to live life more fully and consciously? What did you gain?

You are alive and standing strong with a loving family.
Focus on things we are grateful for.
I recommend two books, “The Power of Now” (book section) and “Man’s Searching for Meaning” (linked from this article).

Thanks again for sharing and being open with us with your heart-felt story.
Salar Madadi

Dec 06 07, 1:45 pm PST

43
I really enjoyed your article. I recently ended a serious 7-year relationship a month ago and it’s thinking like this that has helped me see the situation as an opportunity rather than a tragedy.

Over the last month, I’ve opened up and learned more about myself than I have in the last 7 years. I figured that my life was turned upside down by the breakup, so I may as well go all the way and really change my thought patterns while I was adapting.

I’ve bookmarked your site and I’ll definitely be back to read more articles.

Regards,

Salar Madadi
A Man Reborn - my personal transformation log
Gary

Dec 07 07, 3:15 am PST

44
Good article!

I had been a “realistic” person most of my 50-odd years and always saw the dark cloud instead of the silver lining. Then I was diagnosed with inoperable prostate cancer and went through six months of preparing to die very soon. I didn’t die (yet) but somehow changed from being very negative about things to being much more positive.

I suppose it comes down to my realising that every day I wake up in the morning means I have at least one more day in this beautiful world, warts and all. Not sure if it’s PMA or simply gratitude for being alive.
Mark

Dec 07 07, 6:24 am PST

45
Hi Tina Su ~

This is my first time dropping by! I have seen your thought provoking comments on other sites such as ZenHabits and I thought I had better come by ThinkSimpleNow for a little reading and inspiration.

Too, I would like to let you and your readers know that I have started a new feature on my site that I would like to see other “like minded” bloggers take part in. It is called Humanitarian Fridays, and as the name suggests, every Friday I will write about a humanitarian or social cause to try and help raise awareness.

If you are interested, I just put up the first post Five Things You Should Know About the Crisis in Darfur.

For anyone out there who is interested, please let me know if you would be interested in taking part in the series, or if you have a cause that you would like to recommend.

Kind regards, and keep up the GREAT work you are doing here.
Mark
Rob

Dec 07 07, 12:36 pm PST

46
Yeah… This is real stuff. You got this one so right.

As the universe and therefore you depend on duality and balance, it is unhealthy to only embrace the positives and ignore what you see as negative. If you do then you will only be accepting half your life, which is not a complete life is it?

What you said about the point-of-view of so-called negatives is spot on . Choosing to see how, in some way they are there to serve you, which they are with no exceptions, will bring you back to centre and in alignment with your true self, which is love… and I do not mean the word “love” in a cheesy way either.

Your blog is one of the best I have read. Keep it up.
Deb Call

Dec 07 07, 1:22 pm PST

47
Tina - In my middle aged years, I find it more helpful, at least for myself, to imagine life presenting me with a “palette” of truths that I select from. I resist believing there is only ONE absolute truth, or that I must label myself as positive or negative, liberal or conservative etc. Of course I feel better when I’m feeling positive.

When I’m feeling less positive, it’s based on some “fact” or “truth” that I select. I now tell myself that that fact is only part of the truth and I go on a search to identify what else is true in this particular situation. It helps me to move forward when I recognize that life encompasses a range or spectrums of “truth.”
Kim Dawns

Dec 07 07, 2:09 pm PST

48
Pop psychology at its worse.

Any references for what you say?

Myth 1: Ever heard of the theory of ‘depressive realism’?

Myth 3: Positive thinking doesn’t change reality, because, as you said in Myth 2, *action* does. Behavior does. If a pessimistic person takes action, they are just as likely to change reality as a “PMA” person is. All the attitude in the world won’t actually get anything done.

Myth 4: Since you’re placing value judgments on people’s thoughts (positive = good, negative = bad), it’s no wonder you think PMA people have had all the same types of negative experiences as those without PMA. But the world isn’t black and white as you paint it. Most of us fall somewhere between these two extremes, no?

Myth 5: Wow, what a mythbuster you are. That’s like busting the myth that all “geeks” are cheesy and nerdy. Well, you satisfied me, because you said so!

Why don’t you leave psychology to the psychologists and stick to interface design? I’m not an interface designer and wouldn’t dream of writing a blog entry like this, yet it amazes me how people with no education or background think they have all the answers in the world to your problems — Just Have a Positive Mental Attitude(tm) and everything will Be A-Okay, Chum!
Todd Schafer

Dec 07 07, 5:31 pm PST

49
Funny how the little ca-winky dinks in life just start piling up.
I had lunch with a dear friend of mine in his 70’s. He talked about how every moment we have lived is now dead to us.
We are constantly being reborn, heck, even the skin that covers us is constantly changing over.
Maybe mutual fund prospecti are on to something when they tell us “past performance is not indicative of future results”.
gale

Dec 08 07, 7:20 pm PST

50
one of my friends needs to read this article - he always questions why life is going so badly for him, but yet cynically respond to my suggestions to look at things in a positive aspect. I don’t understand exactly when PMA got a bad rep, but I’m glad you’re here to reverse that trend. i especially enjoyed your conclusion that there is death and life in every moment, and it takes a certain grace to embrace such facets of life. awesome post Tina!
Personal Development for the Book Smart

Dec 09 07, 7:30 am PST

51
I keep finding myself coming back to see whether there are any new posts. Yes, I’m on your RSS feed but feedburner’s kinda slow =P
someone

Dec 10 07, 8:13 pm PST

52
Um, what you are describing isn’t what I’d consider PMA, it’s what I’d consider being a responsible member of society, and you don’t need to have a positive outlook to feel the need to make the world a better place or improve yourself. People feel negative because things aren’t as they wish it (meaning worse) people feel positive because things are. Think about who will have more initiative. Those who do feel so negative that they can’t do anything, won’t do anything, so something is keeping them going.
Ryan

Dec 10 07, 11:23 pm PST

53
I definitely agree about the benefits of thinking positive. Many times I notice that positive people don’t get too hung up on blame or the past (ie, the problem), but rather focus on the now and the future (ie, the solution).

This ability to bounce back allows for positive people to overcome setbacks and difficulties where others stagnate and complain.
Robert @ reason4smile

Dec 11 07, 2:01 am PST

54
Hi Tina,

Have you watched the movie Enchanted? I had a good time watching the movie and I laughed a lot, even until I cough =)

The naive princess, her outlook of life is so positive, when she’s experiencing the real world for the first time. It’s great that even if we have tasted the real life, all the struggles and challenges, we can have such a positive perspective about life and believe that we will end up live happily ever after.

Thanks for the great article,
Robert
Beautyscientist

Dec 11 07, 4:38 am PST

55
I couldn’t agree more with the idea that negative people are less realistic. I spent a long car journey with a really negative bloke who talked the most complete nonsense about everything. Interestingly he later lost his job.
Doug Kyle

Dec 11 07, 8:46 am PST

56
My initial reaction to negative people being less realistic was to agree, but I’m biased as a positive person. I think there’s degrees of everything though and being severely negative or severely positive (to the point of “if I think I’ll win the lottery I will”) are both unrealistic, and those who are more practically positive or negative are probably equally realistic.

I know a project manager who has a great blend of both… he is supremely confident in his, and his team’s ability to finish projects, but he does so through a negative filter in that he modifies every estimate or quote he gets as if it is too optimistic. I think it is the blend, and the knowledge that both serve a purpose that leads to a greater understanding. With a greater understanding, one can act with greater confidence, and with greater confidence, one is in a much stronger position to be positive.

The area I feel being a realistic positive person vs. a realistic negative person has an advantage is that the positive is more likely to take risks and see opportunities, and of course take more enjoyment from day-to-day events.
ChangePerPost

Dec 11 07, 2:39 pm PST

57
Excellent post! You’ve been CPP’d!
Starfire from Meditation and Wonderment

Dec 14 07, 1:31 pm PST

58
Hi Tina

Great article! I’ve had some fun in the past trying to distinguish for my more cynical friends the difference between being positive, and being an ostrich (sticking my head in the sand)

The way I tried to describe it to them is that as someone aiming to be positive, I’m not ignoring or refusing to acknowledge the negative stuff. I’m acknowledging that negative stuff occurs, and it’s in one of two categories. Either I can do something about it, in which case it’s up to me to take action about it, or I can’t, in which case it’s up to me to learn to accept and live with it.

However, as a positive person, acknowledging that negative stuff happens doesn’t mean that positive stuff doesn’t. And ignoring the positive stuff would be as unrealistic as ignoring the negative. So that’s where I take steps to look for what’s positive around me - to feel it and appreciate it, and of course, to be grateful for it. And when I’m in a place where I can’t do anything more than I’m already doing to take action about the negative stuff, if it comes down to a choice of either sinking into fear or worry about the negative stuff, or consciously turning my mind to look for positive things to focus on… guess which one’s going to enrich my life more…

Blessings

Starfire
Shirley

Dec 16 07, 12:20 pm PST

59
Great article Tina! I try to have a positive attitude too. For me, it helps me to find the lesson, benefit or blessing in a bad situation, otherwise I dwell on the bad stuff way too much. I just wrote an article about why positive thinking is good for you.

Interesting, I just saw a PBS show on neuroplasticity, which is basically how the thoughts you think affect your brain. Lots of great dicussion on how you can build your neural pathways and teach your mind new associations. What you think about every day does affect how you react, your views and actions. Very eye-opening thinking.
Yvonne Handford

Dec 17 07, 5:44 pm PST

60
Fantastic Article Tina. I love the tone you used to explain positive thinking and transformation of your life. I am a healing master of several modalities and I am very passionate about the power of positive thinking and affirmation.

A persons mindset set the framework for their daily lives, their success and and their overall happiness.

Thank you for sharing
Yvonne
http://www.Universalhealingcentre.com
realistic?

Dec 28 07, 1:19 am PST

61
i consider myself a positive thinker but fit right into category 1.for me being realistic isn’t a negative attitude. Being realistic helps me get a good reading on what i could expect while being optimistic.it doesn’t mean im giving up, it just means im pushing harder while being as best prepared as i can and most of the time being realistic helps me get to success more efficiently as predicted obstacles are easily overcome.its like fitting a car with every imaginable gadget while preparing to go on a vacation.if theres a snow storm, its got sleds,if theres no planes, it can fly…….what do u guys think?
steven

Jan 15 08, 3:19 pm PST

62
James Branch Cabell wrote:

“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is so”
Lauren

Jan 17 08, 10:12 pm PST

63
i just found this blog through some other sites i read and i’m so thrilled. as a kid, i remember trying to find some way, any way to ignore or suppress any sad feelings i had so i would ignore them. as i grew older and had to accept that the world wasn’t designed to be perfect, i began to wallow in this negativity, almost enjoying the intensity of sadness, because at least it was more satisfying than being hopelessly miserable.

this was the first time i ever thought that my negative perception was just that, perception. there are people who are “positive thinkers” who behave that way because they are afraid of conflict or failure, who can’t be honest about their circumstances and say instead that everything is always fine. which cannot be true in this world, unfortunately.

you’ve shown me to acknowledge the sadness and then view its alternative perspective…not to deny hardships but to view them as obstacles to get over, not reasons to stop trying or caring.

very enlightening, i look forward to reading more.
jd

Feb 08 08, 2:09 am PST

64
Tina - Nice rundown

I think one of the most important things to figure out is, where do you need the change? For example, do you need to change your thinking, feeling or doing? .. or if it’s the situation, do you need to change for the situation, change the situation itself, or avoid it altogether. I call this, The Change Frame - http://blogs.msdn.com/jmeier/archive/2008/02/04/the-change-frame.aspx
Jonathan Mead

Feb 20 08, 12:27 pm PST

65
I think there is a big difference between personal reality and reality as it is. In our personal reality we can be either positive or negative, and that reality will be real to us. The universe is like a rorschach blot. When we realize this and experience life without division of our mind, we realize the universe opens its utmost heart to us.

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