The Art of Smiling

60 Comments

Photo by Tina Su

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
– Leo F. Buscaglia

Actually, there isn’t any art behind it. Just that you were born to be happy, and you can show this happiness with that beautiful smile of yours. C’mon! Let’s see it. :) Okay, good.

To some extent, we all know how to spot a genuine smile, basically this formula:

Genuine Smile = Crinkly Eyes

We are all sensitive to this genuine scale, so why then is it that when we cross paths with a stranger or casual acquaintance in the elevator, we give them a fake smile? That ‘polite smile’. You know what I’m talking about (don’t get me wrong, I do this too, unconscious at grocery stores, on streets, while waiting for something.). The lesson? Smile with your eyes! Feel it genuinely and it will come out naturally. Extras: check out this quick interactive quiz from BBC to test out your ability to spot the difference between a real smile and a fake one. Side Note: I am now smiling as I write this article. I love it! Thank you for reading and allowing me to express myself creatively.

A smile is so simple, yet so powerful. Some noticeable effects of externalizing your internal joy are:

• People will be attracted to you - I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. People on the street, at work, your friends etc. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right?
• Optimistic - You’ll feel more positive about yourself and the world.
• Happiness & Joy - A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost the happiness you feel.
• Healthy - A smile can affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health.
• Approachable - A smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease.
• Making Other People Happy - A smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly.
• Smiles Are Contagious - Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the above ‘side effects’.

Take The Smiling Challenge!

• Smile at Strangers -You know those times when we cross paths with a stranger or accidentally catch someone’s gaze, and we (both) would suddenly look away in awkwardness or pretend we are looking at something else? Well, the challenge is to give them a big smile. A genuine smile, showing teeth and everything. Deepak Chopra talks about giving each person you encounter a small gift. I do this with a smile. Why not? It doesn’t cost us anything. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than feeling awkward and pretending you’re not there.I also love to see people’s reactions when you smile at them, and they aren’t expecting it. Some blush, and others are surprised and smile back, which makes me feel all warm inside.

• Smile at Homeless People and Street Hagglers -
  
  
  I live in a part of downtown Seattle with lots of street hagglers and homeless people. People often ask me whether I get ‘harassed’ often. The answer is: sometimes. But they really are very nice, just like the rest of us. They too need attention and acknowledgment. So, give them a gift worth more than money.Next time someone asks you for money, don’t try to ignore them. Turn to them, smile warmly and tell them how you feel. If you don’t feel like giving money, just tell them “Sorry, I don’t have change now. Have a beautiful day!”Similarly, if something is trying to sell you something or ‘hitting-on’ you, simply turn to them, smile and say “No thank you.”I’ve found that it takes more energy to ignore and pretend to be very serious, than it is to smile. So smile! Make someone’s day!
• Smile Fully -You know that half smile we give people when we’re trying to be polite? Like on an elevator, bumping in someone at the front door, or waiting in line. Why not practice giving them a real smile? It’ll be less awkward and you can potentially make someone’s day, or a new friend!
• Smile at Work -Living under a routine, we can easily be in a zombie-like state when coming into work. We zip into work quickly following the same routines we’ve habituated. Our target is to get to work, and we can sometimes forget about the people around us, in other cubes/offices/departments. So, the challenge is to practice beaming with smile as you come into work. Smile genuinely with people you meet. Be completely pleased to see them. Make it a focus for the day, to bring more happiness into the lives of others. Ask them genuinely and infused with energy, “How are ya?” “How was your weekend?” Watch the smiles surface on their face.
• A Small Compliment with Your Smile -When meeting or encountering people. Look for things you admire or like about them, however small, let them know. A small genuine compliment can go a long way to lift people’s spirits.

I’ve found it useful to be conscious of things that make me smile. You might want to spend a few minutes making a list of things that brings a smile to your face.

Some Moments That Make Me Smile are:

• When Tommy (my eight pound Pomeranian doggie) does one of his tricks: spin in circles, playing dead, or his ‘moonwalk’ dance (that’s right, he moonwalks… *laughs*).
• When I practice gratitude ‘sessions’
• When I reach mini goals throughout the day.
• When I read comments left by readers.
• When savoring sweet taste of vanilla ice cream
• When I do my happy dance, and make friends laugh with my ridiculousness.
• When Adam (my partner) brings me food or chai in the morning as I’m working away on my laptop.
• When my mother laughs

More Tips To Bring Smiles into Your Life

• Smiling Journal - For two weeks, record the moments that brought out your wonderful smile. If you are ever feel down, flip through this book to be reminded of things that make you smile. Experience those moments and notice your state shift to a positive one. You cannot be both angry and smiling at the same time. I learned in physiological psychology that if the physical action conflicts with that of your feeling, the feeling inside will shift to match that of your outer sensation. One way to shift your emotion is to change your physiology.
• Appreciation - Identify things that you are grateful for. Then focus on those things as much as possible.
• Humor - Make a point to watch a comedy movie. To go a comedy club. Hang out with people who make you laugh.
• Go On a Self Date - When we feel more connected with ourselves, we feel more joy and tend to naturally smile more.
• Find Innocence - Observe a small child or a pet at play with total ease and freedom. Watch their innocence, enjoy their presence and yours. Are you smiling? Do you feel happy for them? That’s because you are connecting with the same innocence within yourself.

What makes you smile? Who made you smile today? Share your joy and happiness in a comment! See you there. *smiles*

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on StumbleUpon, vote for it on Digg or bookmark it on del.icio.us. I appreciate your support. :)

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

• 6 Ways to be Positive in Any Situation
• Attitude of Gratitude: 5 Tools for Appreciation
• 9 Ways of Cultivating Creativity
• The Secret to Self Loving
• Life on Purpose: 15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission

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60 Responses (49 Comments, 11 Trackbacks ):

Comments

1. Tejvan Pettinger

   Nov 12 07, 7:46 am PST

   1

   Good post.

   Smiling can ease many difficult situations. Even if we have to force a smile it can be good for us and the other person.

2. John

   Nov 12 07, 8:22 am PST

   2

   Thanks for the post!
   I find that simply practicing finding reasons to smile has a snowball effect. The increased level of happiness produces a smile beyond my face. It shows in the sound of my voice, my body language, and expands to the area around me.

   At the same time, when I’m around someone shining like that, I find that the smile can be downright contagious :)

3. James

   Nov 12 07, 9:33 am PST

   3

   Great post!

   My only problem is a physically find it hard to smile with teeth showing - I just can’t seem to do it! But I can smile normally, which lately I’ve been doing a lot more, and I’ve started feeling a lot more optimistic and happy.

4. Andrea Hess | Empowered Soul

   Nov 12 07, 9:39 am PST

   4

   I’m smiling!!! Thanks for the good reminder.

   Blessings,
   Andrea

5. Tina Su

   Nov 12 07, 9:42 am PST

   5

   @James

   haha.. I was laughing out aloud when I read your comment. The part about challenging to smile with teeth. :D
   I think I mentioned that to suggest we smile genuinely. For me, my fake smiles are always just moving my lips back without showing teeth. :) Thanks for sharing.

   ——

   Thanks for commenting Tejvan, John and Andrea! :)

6. Sophie

   Nov 12 07, 9:56 am PST

   6

   aw i love this!

   today i was walking back to my apartment, and i saw two baby poodles out for a walk, one black and one white.

   and the black one had this peice of wood in his mouth that was probablly wider than he was long! and im smiling thinking about it now, but it made me laugh out loud it was so sweet!

   :D

   i’ll definitly smile more.

   once when i was a little girl, around 15 years old…a friend said, ew don’t smile it makes you look ugly.
   It took me a long time to have the confidence to really be free with myself. but now i am. and i hope to pass that on.

   <3

   Much love,
   Sophie

7. Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

   Nov 12 07, 10:08 am PST

   7

   Another great peace, Tina! I’m rubbish at spotting people’s fakeness or genuine smiles, but that test was awesome!

8. Gil

   Nov 12 07, 10:36 am PST

   8

   Frown and you’ll be frowning alone. Smile and the whole world will be smiling with you. That may be a stretch, but a smile is incredibly powerful in the universal scheme of things or “Law of Attraction”. When you smile you only are not bound to attract positive vibes and energy towards you but people will also be wondering what you’re up to. :)

9. Jude

   Nov 12 07, 11:33 am PST

   9

   *Beams*

10. Tina Su

    Nov 12 07, 11:44 am PST

    10

    @Sophie

    Aww.. thanks for sharing this little bit of joy. The story with the poodles made me smile. :) I could see it… my dog is ridiculous sometimes too… he has this stuffed ring toy (like a stuffed Frisbee with a hole cut out in the middle.) and he’ll pick it up at the hole in the center, so you see his noise poking out in the center and the rest of his face covered (eyes, ears). He’ll run around the apartment with that thing over his face. It always makes me laugh. :)

    RE: a friend said, ew don’t smile it makes you look ugly. It took me a long time to have the confidence to really be free with myself…

    Thanks for sharing. Isn’t it amazing how things we pick up as little kids (even as adults) like this conditions our believe about things? And carries with us into adulthood?

    I’m so pleased to hear that you are recognizing this and are able to be free with yourself.

    —–

    Thanks for commenting Albert, Gil and Jude. :) It really makes me smile to see you here. Have a great day!

11. Jean Browman - Cheerful Monk

    Nov 12 07, 12:05 pm PST

    11

    I tend to be happy and smile a lot. Sometimes it’s contagious, but some people think happy people are stupid. Has anyone else noticed that? I still remember a friend telling me, “Maybe you do know something, Jean. I also thought you were so happy because you were stupid.” ;)

12. Jean Browman - Cheerful Monk

    Nov 12 07, 12:40 pm PST

    12

    Scott Ginsberg has just written a post on How Not to Be TOO Approachable: http://hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-be-too-approachable.html

13. Armannd

    Nov 12 07, 1:35 pm PST

    13

    Too much smiling is not good smiling.

14. SimoneM

    Nov 12 07, 2:21 pm PST

    14

    Hi Tina,
    You are definitely a natural “smiler” from looking at your pic and reading your blog!
    Love the BBC test. Did another test recently where you have to pick one face out of a mass of faces. In the first shot all are unhappy except for one and in the second shot all are happy except for one.
    Studies show our eyes are always drawn most quickly to the happy expression :)
    Thanks for great tips - smiling already.
    S.

15. Tina Su

    Nov 12 07, 2:25 pm PST

    15

    @Jean, @Armannd

    I’ve never heard of “happy people are stupid”.. but I think I can relate to where you’re coming from.. I guess it depends on how you interact with people. I would certainly not pretend to be un-happy for the sake of appearing ’stupid’ to some people.

    If you are smiling unnaturally, I think people will be suspicious. But if you are smiling because you just can’t help it. I really don’t think there’s any problems with that.

    The point I’m trying to make here is not
    “to be smiling all the time”, but to remind people not to be so serious all the time. I catch myself giving polite half smiles all the time, or pretending to stare straight on when crossing path with people…. sometimes a little smile to a stranger can really brighten their day.

    Thanks for adding your two cents Jean and Armannd.

16. Vitor - The Fractal Forest

    Nov 12 07, 4:36 pm PST

    16

    “Who made you smile today?”

    That would be you!

17. Greg Samis

    Nov 12 07, 4:41 pm PST

    17

    Hi Tina,
    A genuine smile and sense of respect has already made my day that much warmer. I met coworker from another department in the elevator today, and started a conversation. It was a very uplifting way to start the day. These moments really do come full circle!
    I’m really enjoying your blog. Everytime I come back, you seem to have a new perspective on bringing light into my life. I’m looking forward to your next post already!
    Keep up the great content!
    - Greg

18. Mert

    Nov 13 07, 12:21 am PST

    18

    I always smile. I think this is because i don’t take life seriously. Every morning i say to myself that this can be my last day, so there is no need to be sad or hurt anyone. Today i have laughed after i have seen my niece’s last photo on her blog http://bebekbuyutu-yorum.blogspot.com :)

19. Raymond

    Nov 13 07, 3:25 am PST

    19

    Hi Tina,

    If the picture in your BlogCatalog is really you, then I would say that you have one of the most beautiful smile in the world.

    So, make sure you visit my blog often so that I can see the smile everyday. ;)

    I got 13 correct out of 20 in the BBC test.

    This is what I look when I smile. :)
    I hope that you are smiling now while reading this comment. :D

20. surjit

    Nov 13 07, 4:33 am PST

    20

    Hi Tina,
    Thanks for sharing a wonderful post.
    “A smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.”
    My best wishes.(with lot of smiles)

21. Armannd

    Nov 13 07, 5:58 am PST

    21

    I just finished the “Spot The Fake Smile” test and my results are much higher than expected: 19/20.
    The one that fooled me: number 3. That’s a very good fake.

    “happy people are stupid” - (most) happy people are not stupid. What I meant to say by “too much smiling is not good smiling” is that smiling too much becomes tiresome (for both giver and receiver).

22. Chris Melton

    Nov 13 07, 7:54 am PST

    22

    I am grinning from ear to ear and I really feel good right now. I smile a lot, but it always feels good to be reminded of power you wield with a simple smile. I will be composing my newest “soupornuts’ reasons to click” soon. You can be assured that this article is a definite “reason to click”. Thanks again.

23. ToddSchafer

    Nov 13 07, 12:16 pm PST

    23

    Tina:
    Your posts are heavy on the practical. Making mention of how a fake smile differs from a crinkly smile are very germaine to this posting.
    I had been smiling more lately in an effort to increase my “approachability index”, now I must remember to crinkle the eyes like aluminum foil.

24. Shirley

    Nov 13 07, 12:19 pm PST

    24

    Loved your article Tina! It made me smile the whole time I was reading it. :0)
    I wrote a funny article about being happy and smiling called “Nobody told my face I was happy.” It’s about how sometimes I can be very happy or satisfied and feeling good and it doesn’t show on my face.

    I loved your tips on smiling and your exercises. I’ll have to some of them and let you know how it turns out.

    I will share this; I used to work at a place where people were often “too busy” to smile. So I used to go in the bathroom and smile and talk to myself. It was so funny and it always made me smile. I still do it to this day, except now I give myself the love I’m not getting from around me “Shirley you are very thoughtful and helpful today.” or “Shirley you are in such a good mood today, I like that.” It’s a nice boost when other people don’t give you the attention you need.

25. The Artist

    Nov 13 07, 1:34 pm PST

    25

    What a special site you have here. Look forward to returning.

26. Lawrence Cheok | A Long Long Road

    Nov 13 07, 9:22 pm PST

    26

    Hi Tina,

    Learning to smile has done much for me to open up as a person. I was an introvert. After learning to open up, I started smiling and people, and was so surprised to see people smiling back.

    These are people who usually just kept to themselves or a distance from me at work.

    It’s amazing what a simple and sincere smile can do.

27. Tyro

    Nov 13 07, 10:48 pm PST

    27

    Hi Tina,

    I think no matter whaterer mood one have at present,If he come here and read this article,he may unconsciously smile,and become happy again.

    Thanks four you a lot,and by the way,could I transship the picture that photoed by you on the top of this page ?

    Gratitude & Sincerely,
    Tyro

28. Tina Su

    Nov 14 07, 11:15 am PST

    28

    Oh you guys! It really warms my heart and makes me smile (really big) to see these sweet messages. Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences. I will respond to each comment individually very soon. :)

    Have a beautiful one! Thank you again for participating. Love you all! Really.. I do. ^_^

29. James - Creator Of The Ladder Of Dreams

    Nov 14 07, 7:35 pm PST

    29

    Hey Tina,

    Thanks for reminding us bloggers to smile :D

    I fully agree that “Smiles Are Contagious”. Don’t wait for people to smile at you, start smiling at them first. Most of the time you will get a smile back. :)

    Even when I am driving and people can’t see my smile, I wave (it’s like a smile for drivers) and people wave back! I tried it on the security guards where ever I go.

    If any of them don’t wave/smile back the first time, wave/smile again the next time you see them. I find that they will wave/smile back one day :)

    Cheers
    James Soh

30. Tina Su

    Nov 15 07, 1:45 am PST

    30

    Hi James,

    haha.. I love your little story.. I was laughing out aloud. :) Thank You for sharing and for making my late evening such a happy one. :)

    Tell Karen I said Hi!

    Warm Regards,
    Tina

31. Chris Sharp

    Nov 15 07, 7:16 am PST

    31

    Tina. Thank You! These are fantastic exercises to put into practice! I would love to start a smile journal. My wife and I share our daily wins or realizations in the evenings, and that brings us to smile and relax. Sharing great, healthy food, makes us smile a lot too.
    Practicing smiling deliberately, really feeling the appreciation of the moment with this person or persons to whom you peer into their souls, will melt separation and discomfort in the world faster than anything, I feel.
    Doing a happy dance would even add to the feeling 100X more!!! H-haaaaa!
    I remember from a simple exercise I learned from a Qi-Gong master (this is how I received it), was to close your eyes and breath in deeply. As you hold your breath for a few seconds, feel your whole being, your whole essence, look upon it ALL, marvel at what you see, then smile deeply, then let relax and breathe out slowly.
    Smiles to everyone here, sharing this great space together.

32. Tina Su

    Nov 15 07, 1:18 pm PST

    32

    Hey Chris,

    I love the idea of a “daily wins or realizations” sharing routine. I think I’m gonna suggest it to Adam and start to do that in the evenings too. Sounds like a great idea and way to connect with your partner. Also a great opportunity to be grateful for the many gifts we have, and also a chance to express ourselves.

    I also love the breathing technique from the qi-gong master.. I will try that.

    As always, thank you for sharing! :)

33. therapydoc

    Nov 15 07, 6:33 pm PST

    33

    To me it’s one of those, You’re never fully dressed without a smile things.

34. Fran

    Nov 16 07, 4:31 am PST

    34

    One thing that really makes me happy is to smile to a kid in the subway. They always smile back, as well as their mother. Is awesome, and I usually get to college/home smiling because of that :)
    Great article, btw!

35. Bex

    Nov 17 07, 2:26 pm PST

    35

    I loved this article. I used to be bullied a long time ago, and consequently developed a “tough-girl” attitude. I wore big biker boots, dyed my hair pink, and looked as pissed off as possible so nobody would mess with me.
    I haven’t been targeted for years now, and I don’t need my protective shell anymore. I’ve slowly been discovering my real, friendly self, and the joy of smiling. And your article made me love smiling even more, so I had to leave a comment. I hope it makes you smile. :)

36. SG

    Nov 17 07, 4:00 pm PST

    36

    Your whole site makes me smile.
    Thanks for all the advice you give.
    Great great great ideas.

37. Tina Su

    Nov 17 07, 5:43 pm PST

    37

    @Bex - I loved reading your comment, it really warmed my heart and made me smile, indeed. Thank you for sharing your story and for making me smile. :)

    —

    @SG - It makes me really happy to hear that. Thank you for your encouraging feedback. Much loved and appreciated.

38. Mav

    Nov 18 07, 12:49 pm PST

    38

    When I think about it, I really like it if somebody genuinely smiles at me just passing on the street or in the office, but I actually never really had a thought about smiling actively at others. Thanks for the hint!

39. Pete

    Dec 06 07, 3:17 am PST

    39

    I just found your site today and I think your advice on this page is brilliant! Very well written!

    Thanks for sharing!
    - Pete

40. Akemi

    Dec 09 07, 1:10 pm PST

    40

    I love this post that I found through Alex’s blog carnival on personal development — so I StumbleUpon you!
    In fact, smiling a lot and celebrating life is one of my five wishes. Please check
    when you have the time.

    Akemi

41. CG Walters

    Dec 09 07, 2:28 pm PST

    41

    Smiling is definitely very important. Besides, it just feels good–smiling and seeing it inspiring a smile on the face of the person you are smiling at…
    Peace and wonder,
    CG

42. Isabel

    Dec 13 07, 5:23 pm PST

    42

    Okay, I need to stop commenting, but after I read an article I want to tell you how much I enjoyed it! lol :)

43. Luis

    Dec 24 07, 3:56 pm PST

    43

    I really would like to see your “happy dance”. If it’s like I imagined while reading along, I will smile again :D

44. Mary

    Dec 31 07, 10:24 pm PST

    44

    I am a happy person but people are always commanding me to smile. I guess when I’m smiling on the inside it doesn’t show on the outside. Sometimes I think I’m smiling and someone will say, “It can’t be that bad.” Why are people so hung up on smiles?

45. Dave

    Jan 08 08, 3:56 pm PST

    45

    Love the post, Tina.

    It’s weird how clicking links on different sites will bring one to new and inspiring blogs.

    Keep up the good work.

    Here’s a smile for ya!

    :-)

46. Dan

    Jan 14 08, 9:39 pm PST

    46

    This was a great article. I once heard a story about a guy who committed suicide by jumping off a bridge, and the suicide note he left said, “If one person smiles at me on the walk to the bridge, I will not jump.” I don’t know if it’s true, but regardless, it’s a fact that there’s a lot of people who can truly be uplifted with one simple complement or smile.

47. Panda

    Jan 30 08, 12:16 pm PST

    47

    When I have a difficult customer on the phone at work, I try to remember to smile. They can’t see my face, but it comes across in tone, and it will often help them to feel more understanding.

48. jd

    Feb 13 08, 11:57 pm PST

    48

    Hey Tina -

    I didn’t know the basic formula, but now that you spell it out it makes perfect sense … I remember in a movie, the comment went something like “how come your eyes don’t smile.”

49. TPhoenix8

    Jul 03 08, 2:01 pm PDT

    49

    Hey Tina,

    A friend of mine send me a link to this beautiful page and I love it;-)

    I admire you for the times and effort you invest in yourself and more importantly that you will share with sooo many people.

    positive thoughts leads us to more positive thoughts, the same is it for actions. And if this action is a little smile it can cause big positive actions.

    You inspired me to smile more concsiously and I can’t wait to see more people smiling:D

    soo keep on smiling

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