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How to Get Over a Break Up

Falling passionately in love with someone is one of the most exhilarating feelings, as if you had wings and you are flying high in the sky, feeling the wind romantically blowing through your hair. And usually, when love ends, it feels as if you’ve been dropped like a rock in mid-air. You scramble to grab a hold of something … anything, as you witness your body falling at great speeds, and then shattering on the earth below.

Whether we’re talking about breakups, or facing the reality of a one-sided romance, it is painful. So much so that it disrupts our normal flow of experiences, causing us to not function normally.

With so much emotion invested and our identities tied in with these experiences, it’s no wonder that this is the number one topic requested by readers. Over the past year, I have regularly received email from readers sharing their own takes on painful breakups; tales of guilt, of fear, of regret, and of resentment. Although the stories were different, the underlying message was universal and one in the same, “I am in so much pain from not being with this person – what can I do?

Sometimes, the pain of lost love is so intense that it can shake our beliefs about romance and relationships. When these emotional bruises are not understood and have not healed properly, they become invisible baggage that drag with us into the next relationship. This article focuses on the healing process from “love lost”.

Personal Story: The Gift of “Love Lost”

I categorize myself as a very passionate and emotional person. I cry easily at movies and at the sight of passers-by with physical disabilities. When I love, I give it my all, and when it ends, the pain of feeling abandoned can become overwhelmingly and cripplingly intense.

In fact, my journey into personal growth began when I was confronted by a painful breakup five years ago. Out of despair, I had picked up a copy of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – the only personal development book I had heard of, at the time. Although I would recommend a different book now for similar circumstances, at the time, this book introduced me to new concepts that helped me make sense of my emotions, and I was hungry for more.

Over the next few years, it was through dealing with recurring relationship issues that I experienced several rewarding revelations and was able to trigger several major growth spurts in my own self-improvement. While these emotionally-infused episodes of “love lost” might have seemed unbearably painful at the time of happening, they were also the catalyst for personal growth, and played a critical role in my becoming a more wholesome and complete person.

The Origins of Love and Pain

Before diving into the practical how-to of healing, let’s first look at what love is, where it comes from, and why we experience so much pain when it ends.

breakup1.jpg
Photo: melissa

I believe that love is a universal energy infused in all forms of life. It is something that lies within the core of every one of us. When we are in a state of conscious awareness, the intense feeling of love and connectedness is clear and undeniable. When we are in this state of clarity and inner peace, our thoughts and actions are based in love and truth.

Within the depths of our souls, we are all connected by this unifying and essential energy of life – love. We occasionally experience glimpses of this deep connection through various and accidental happenstances, such as:

  • A gratifying and intimate conversation with another person. Sharing and expressing your thoughts honestly and openly.
  • Creative expressions such as playing music, writing, drawing, dancing, cooking, designing or even computer programming.
  • Meditation, prayers or communing with your chosen religious group.
  • Communing with nature during a hike, a walk or while sitting by the bed of a river flowing beautifully in front of you.
  • During sexual orgasm (The Dalai Lama has written about this.)

When we fall in love with another person, we are essentially experiencing the love that was within us all along. The person is merely acting like a mirror reflecting our soul back at us. Technically, we can’t “fall” in love, because we are already made of love. The other person, much like a musical instrument, is the catalyst allowing us to recognize the beauty that’s already within us.

Because of our lack of understanding that love resides within us, and that we actually have the power to invoke it on our own, we credit it to the other person for giving love to us. This feeling is so strong and extraordinary, that we become addictive and possessive. We want to capture it and keep it fixed, so that we can – at last – keep this heightened feeling forever.

The desire and dependency to keep this form fixed, becomes a source of self identification that artificially justifies who we are as physical beings. We become attached to the fixed idea of how our relationship should go and our ego quickly becomes the main investor in this fund of a relationship.

The truth is that, everyone and everything is in a constant flow of change. The changes in us and in our external circumstances are inevitable and undeniable. When we change, the dynamics of our relationships change – not just romantic ones, but also friendships, family ties, and our relationships with co-workers.

Over time, some relationships strengthen and some grow apart. When people grow apart, it doesn’t mean that either one of them was a bad person, but rather that they’ve learned all that they needed to from the other person, and that it’s time to move on.

When it’s time to move on, we hold onto this invisible box that contains an idealized and fixated form of how things should be. We unconsciously and instinctively fall into the false believe that we must stop the love when we are no longer romantically involved.

Because we attribute love as being ‘to’ this other person external to us, pain happens when we forcefully try to kill the love, which is actually within us.

Let’s repeat: Pain happens when we forcefully kill the love that’s within us.

When we forcefully try to kill the love within us, it physically feels as if someone has stabbed a knife into our heart, and a sharp pain surfaces in our chest area. In reality, we are that someone doing the stabbing, because we are trying to sever our innate connection to love and our Soul is now bleeding. Our Soul is crying for help, asking us to stop the stabbing, to stop the pain.

A Love Affair & Emotional Freedom

When it comes to love,
you need not fall but rather surrender,
surrender to the idea that you must love yourself
before you can love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself
before you can absolutely trust another
and most importantly you must accept your flaws
before you can accept the flaws of another.

~ Philosophy: Falling in Love
My preferred suggestion to healing from love lost is the same as the one for finding love: to love yourself, first.

In previous relationships, we probably depended on our partners to make us happy, to make us feel special, to make us whole and complete. Our self-worth may have been wrapped up in how much attention our partner gave us. This is a ‘lose-lose’ formula that works against our personal happiness, because it relies heavily on external circumstances beyond our control and is not sustainable in the long term.

Truth is, nothing external to us can give us the security we need. Only we can give that to ourselves, by loving and accepting ourselves completely.

By learning to love and appreciate ourselves, not only do we free ourselves from the chains that keep us in pain when a relationship ends, it also makes us more attractive to the outside world. Even when you don’t explicitly speak about it, something in the grace of your movement will spread that message to others, like a summer breeze softly blowing the scent of a flower to neighboring plants.

7 Tips Getting Over a Break Up

breakup3.jpg
Photo: Nathiya Prathnadi

1. Letting Go

What would you do if your house was burnt to the ground, and everything you owned was destroyed? I’m sure you’d be frustrated and angry at first, but at the same time, no amount of anger will undo what has been done. It is what it is. Your best bet is to begin moving on, and working towards creating a new home.

Similarly, when a relationship ends, you’ll want to practice letting go and allowing the healing process to begin quickly.

If you were on the receiving end of a breakup, do not dwell on whether the person will come back or not, if they broke up with you at one point, chances are, something is wrong with the fit of your partnership, and you’ll be better appreciated elsewhere, with someone else. Even if you and the ex get back together, it is unlikely to last (from my experience).

Trust that everything in the Universe happens for a reason, and it benefits everyone involved in the long run, even if the benefits are not yet clear. Trust that this is the best possible thing to happen to you right now, and the reasons will become clear in the future.

2. Release Tension and Bundled Up Energy

We all have the need to be understood and heard. Whether we’re on the receiving end or the initiating end of a breakup, we often carry with us the tension and any unexpressed emotions. We can release this extra energy by:

  • Talking about it with a friend.
  • Voicing our opinions honestly and openly with our ex-partner, which have been bottled up in the past.
  • Punching a pillow and crying freely for 10 minutes
  • Screaming out aloud and imagining unwanted energy being released with your voice (seriously, I’ve done a meditation that incorporated this, and I instantly felt better).
  • Writing in a journal (more on this later).
  • Exercise and body movement.
  • Meditating.

3. Love Yourself

The practice of loving yourself is the most important aspect on the road to personal happiness and emotional stability. I’ve personally had my most valuable personal growth spurts during the period when I vigorously worked on this aspect of my life.

I did everything from cooking myself fancy dinners, to spending every Sunday on my own doing the things that I loved, to taking myself to Symphonies, to taking overseas trips on my own. Each one had its own challenges and confronted my beliefs about loneliness. Through overcoming the fear of loneliness, I experienced deep joy all by myself. It was so gratifying, refreshing and empowering.

Here are some ideas to cultivate the art of loving yourself:

  • Take yourself on romantic dates as if you were on a date with another person. Put on nice clothes, maybe buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to something delicious, and take long walks under the stars. Whatever your idea of a romantic date is.
  • Look at yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. Smile slightly with your eyes. Practice giving gratitude to what you see. You don’t need words. Just send out the intent of giving an abundance of love to the eyes that you see, and feel the feelings of love within you. As you are looking into your eyes, look for something you admire about your eyes – maybe the color, the shape, the depth, the exoticness, or even the length of your eye lashes. This will be a little weird and uncomfortable at first, but just trust me, and continue with it. Do this for a few minutes every day.
  • Sit or stand in front of a mirror, or sit somewhere comfortable (mix it up, and do both on different days), put both hands on your chest and say to yourself, “I love you, <insert your name>”. Repeat a few times, slowly. Continue with qualities you like about yourself, or things you are good at. Be generous and list many, even if they sound silly. Example, “I love that you always know how to make your salads so colorful and appetizing.”, “I love that you have the discipline to go to the gym regularly, and you really take care of your body.”, “I love that you are so neat, and can keep your desk so organized.”
  • Practice doing things on your own to challenge your fear of being alone. For example, if you have a fear of eating alone in a restaurant, go out to a restaurant on your own. Your mission is to find the joy within that experience.

4. Love Your Ex-Partner

Allow the love within you to flow. Try practicing forgiveness and open up your heart.

Over the past few months, my friend Tom Stine and I have been chatting about the topic of overcoming breakups. Tom had been married for 13 years and went through a divorce that took him 2 years to emotionally recover from. When asked about how he got over his ex-wife, he had a few snippets of wisdom to convey:

  • “I let myself love her. Even when it felt like my heart was going to break. Adyashanti says something amazing – when people say, ‘My heart feels like it is going to break.’ He says, ‘Let it break. If you let it really break – really, really break, it will transform you.'”
  • “LET YOUR HEART BREAK WIDE OPEN. Let go of every possible belief or thought that says your ex is anything other than the most incredible, amazing, wonderful person in the Universe. You gotta love them and open your broken heart, WIDE OPEN!!!! That’s how to get over a break-up, really get over it. Anything short of that is not gonna do it.”
  • “The key for me was getting utterly clear: we are apart, and the Universe never makes mistakes. We are over. And I can still love her. That was HUGE. I can love her with all my heart and soul and we never have to be together. And when I realized that, I felt amazing. And still do. The freedom was great. I could finally own-up to how much I wanted out of our relationship. All the hurt and anger disappeared. I was free.”

The underlying message of love in Tom’s words is pretty clear and powerful.

breakup4.jpg
Photo: Nathiya Prathnadi

5. Give it Time

It takes time to heal. Be patient. Give it more time. I promise the storm will end, and the sun will peak through the clouds.

6. Journal Your Experience

Spend some quality time in a comfortable chair, at your desk or at a café, and write your thoughts and feelings on paper. No, not typing on a laptop, writing on paper with a pen. Follow your heart and flow freely, but if you’re stuck, here are some writing exercises you can do:

  • Drill into the why – Start with a question or statement, and continue to drill into why you feel that way until you have a truthful and satisfying reason. The exercise isn’t to issue blame or blow off steam at someone else. It’s meant to gain clarity and understanding into how you feel, so you can alleviate unnecessary pain. For example, you might start with the statement, “I am in a lot of pain, ouch!”, and your why might be “because she left me”. Now ask yourself, “why does that hurt so much?”, and one possible why might be, “because I feel abandoned”. The following why to “why does feeling abandoned hurt so much?”, “because it makes me feel alone”, etc. More than likely, the real reason has something to do with our own insecurities or fears.
  • Finding the Lessons – What did you learn from the relationship? What did you learn from the other person? How is your life better because of it? How will your future relationships be better because of it?

7. Read Something Inspirational

Books that deal with our emotions and ego are incredible tools at a time of healing. They help to enlighten our understanding of ourselves and our experiences.

Here are some recommended books:

Parting Words: Healing from Breakup

Every relationship will end someday, whether by break-up or by the death of one partner. Relationships have cycles. They are born, they live, and they die. Just like every part of life. It is merely a part of life.”
Tom Stine

Socially, we view the end of a relationship with a negative connotation and give it the label of a ‘failure’. Just because a relationship has ended does not mean that the relationship was a failure. Both parties likely gained something substantial in either learning about themselves or for the benefit of future partnerships.

Capture the beauty of time shared together, and note the valuable life lessons learned. Be thankful for having experienced love, and know that you are a better person because of it.

No challenge is ever presented to us, if we are un-able to handle it.

For those currently in relationships, cherish and honor your partner for who they are as form and formless Beings. Accept the reality that life is full of change, and dance with the changes and challenges as they come. And when they come, view each one as an opportunity for personal growth – when you do that, nothing is lost.

All is well, and so be it.

** What are your experiences with dealing with breakups? Any words of wisdom for others going through it? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section. See you there!

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About the author

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

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283 thoughts on How to Get Over a Break Up

  1. Long Ago

    The woman I still refer to as my “Ex” broke up with me on my birthday right after the small party I had. She had been changing over the few months preceding and had withdrawn from me emotionally and then physically. I suspected she had been having an affair with her boss and I later discovered I was right.

    She was everything to me.

    As far back as I can remember I had been the misfit, the one that in high school you would walk away from if you saw me approach. I just have one of those personas that people at that stage find aggravating. I was lonely and angry and very, very unhappy. I met my Ex about a year out of college and we fell in love and began the most intense, wonderful emotional and sexual relationship I ever had. (To this day it was the longest.) I was a skilled lover and taught her how to enjoy her body, to orgasm with a man and to enjoy new acts and experiences. We did some traveling together and I opened iup a new world to her.

    One day, about nine months into the relationship she went to interview for a job. She came home and something had changed. She had been hired immediately and she told me that the person who had hired her was “the most remarkable man”. I knew at that moment that I was going to lose her. He behavior over the next months changed. She started wearing makeup and was always traveling with him for business. He was much older and very married. Sexually things changed. She started to do things she did not like before and even shaved her pubic area, this in a time way before it was popular. The frequency of sex dropped off form five to six times a week to once a week if that.

    She seemed annoyed by me. By January, two months before my birthday she started acting annoyed with me and even picked fights all the time. I gave her nothing to fight about. This only seemed to frustrate her.

    On the night of my birthday she broke up with me but still wanted to be friends with benefits but did not want to stay that night. the next day she called and told me she had thought it over and felt it was best not to be sexually involved anymore. I later found out he was at her apartment that night waiting for her.

    In the year following I fell apart. I started to obsess and it took every ounce of strength I had not to begin stalking behavior. I found out all about her affair and confronted her lover telling him to stop manipulating his subordinate and taking advantage of her. He told me was was going to call the police if I ever contacted him again never admitting the truth. He then told her that I had threatened to kill him and his family and that I had even threatened my Ex. She was terrified by this and had a lawyer send a letter to me threatening me with legal action, totally embarrassing me by copying it to my mother, father, sister and a friend.

    I had a emotional collapse and was hospitalized. It didn’t help. I found myself thinking of nothing but her every hour of every day and then dreaming of her when I slept. I went to several therapists, read dozens of books, tried several other relationships all ending in disaster and descending into despair. I cried rivers of tears having these terrible emotional spells almost every week. I found that I had trouble concentrating became obsessed with finding another woman just like her. (Just about impossible. ) She is middle eastern and I am mixed race and I have found they only get serious and marry whites. Though I am the same color as her many women of that background have since told me that she could have never married me because of family pressure. This further damaged me and I started to hate myself because of my color. My career derailed and I just kind of drifted. I found that if I got involved with a woman I would just, at a certain point stop feeling anything for her. I Have since pretty much given up any hope of ever finding anyone or being able to get close to anyone ever again.

    This woman was my love, my ideal my everything. She eventually, after spending five years as his mistress married another co-worker and is now a very successful businesswoman. She retired a young millionaire living in a beautiful home in the suburbs a wonderful city. To this day I wake up thinking of her and my heart aches just to hear her voice again. I still listen to the last voice message she left me after we broke up. She is still beautiful, even now. People love her and she is very popular in her community and has a family and everything she ever wanted and more. I am still single, a failure in life and even suicidal at times.

    I cannot let go of her and I do not, do NOT want to love her or even think of her anymore. I can find no answers and have lost all direction.

    It will be twenty four years next week since she left me.

  2. Fereshte

    Thanks. Great stuff :))

  3. Jason Bernier

    this post and the how to find true love post is so great i’ve just broke with my gf for some resons and had a hard time living with the thought the past week i had some question so i called her. after hanging up i felt weightless lol hard to explaine but just this step make me wnat to go foward. thank you

  4. Some great tips here! I think exercise is really important: it’s much easier to stay focused on your workout when you’re doing it to make yourself look better and spite your ex, haha.

  5. jay

    Hi my name is jay I’m dealing with a killed relationship as said in the article, how can I email one of you or something so I can get some advice

  6. Gary

    Hay,,,, Thank you for the tips, i almost did most of them specially the screaming and the crying hehehhehe
    I have some questions?
    1) as we both know our relation will not work, what do u think of being friends based on the fact that i loved her 100 times more and this is my first time?????and she left me???
    2) Is the idea of having sex in my head and seeking it with her doable????

  7. i also had a breakup few days ago…i was very much tensed …actually i had my relationship which lasted for 1 year..we were engaged to eachother….i was in great love with her…i realise that these were my faults aswell and her faults…i cant think negative about her…by the grace of God i have now over come this break up very much….i kept on weeping for so much times for her….actually from my personnel experience i want to tell you that relationships are very weak and they remain weak ..i am talking about love love relations…so they must be dealt with extreme care…and i know that its hard to getover the break up….but if you have faced this reality somehow even from your fault or hers you should never thing that if i would have done this or if i would not had done this so it might have lasted…but what you have to do is to start accepting that it has done,,,,,and you should not remain as single person now…and you should find a person who is sincere to you and now you should not repeat the mistakes which you made previously …and you should make this relation so wonderfull that you should never think of your past,,,,and remember what i think is that in your new relationship you should never discuss any thing about your past with your new love and you should tell her that its the first love so that she may not think any thing wrong about you,,,neither you should let her disclose any of her past.,,,,now you should live with her more sincerely and honestly…and in love we should expext the least from others …but put in your best sincerity ,,,thanks

  8. mary

    this article was veryhelpful to me.I was recently diagnosed wih cancer,my relationship with a man for over 13 years ended my new man who is loving respectful,kind and generous is helping through this challenge in my life.but the love of my life is who i think about all the time.Idid a little journaling ,ifeel like i can love him always but i dont have to be with him. that is were i am focusing right now ,and my new man was put into my lifefor a reason,although things dont make sense to me i am sure the bigger picture will make sense oneday.Iam chosing love right now instead of saddness and pain Iam realizing that we choose our thoughts,and being positive and loving are far more benifical to me instead ofbeing negative. I miss my love but i believe that i can love again in better way because i am learning to loveME thanks again and may god bless

  9. malala

    Tina, thanks so much, i loved james so much. Tina he told me that we should stop seeing each other temporarily without giving me a concrete reason. Is there such a thing, hes everything to me and i still love him. can i wait for him no matter how long it will take, please help.

  10. Seppe

    Thank you so mutch!! My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday and I was/am a mess. But everything what you have said, gave me an other look of living my life! I am going to be okay, thank you so much !

  11. shadaab

    tina just few minutes back i got a blow from my most loved ever in my life my jaan, i wasnt in a position to come over it i smoked n all nothing worked …when i read your article every word was just so so helpfull to me cant express…now after reading your article i got into reality some way…thanks alot for your valuable suggestion sharing

  12. Rigo

    This is such a great article. I have been struggling with a relationship that is ending after 16 years and the views that are put forward are simple and beautiful. I feel more peace with this love that I still feel for her and it gives me a push to be more positive about moving on. The relationship is over but this love was such a great experience in my life.. I learned guitar to play her a song and now I have that gift for the rest of my life.

    Thanks
    Rigo

  13. Walter

    Thank you abalabatemple@gmail.com for taking the time for bringing my man back to me. I went to 3 different spell casters, but only you got the job done. Like I said before I appreciate all your time, effort, and energy you put during the spell cast. He is more open and he admitted he loves me and really want to be in a relationship with me. After 2 years of seperartion we are now back THANK YOU ………WALTER

  14. ann

    Thanks..I instantly feel better..

  15. as prasaad

    Hi Tina,

    i am grateful for your kind heart for help all the people in your blog,
    i was in to relation for 6 years, i dont have a proper career,
    so i quit my job, i was searching job,by that time my girl friend,
    left me and went with another guy in her office,
    that guy knows about me,my relation which i had with her,
    once she left from life i can find myself i how much i loved her,
    i could not control the pain, now i lost touch with her past 8 months, i wish to get her back ,start a new life in my ife,
    please help me ,how regain my confidence,
    please help me ,
    please help me

  16. Andrea

    The heart doesn’t have the same sense of time as our minds. What seems like yesterday’s events could actually be something that happened years ago. I know that I still come back to this article in times of doubt or when I need comfort. I still suffer with occasional battles of guilt and regret over a breakup that occurred about 2 1/2 years ago. It gets easier but I still have thoughts enter my mind about what I could’ve done differently or how I should’ve better appreciated our time together. I still hear his voice in my head and can sometimes enjoy a smile to myself when I see something that reminds me of him. Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts and words of advice. It helps knowing there are others in the same situation and hearing what helps to pull yourself out of the dark places a mind can take you. Thanks.

  17. sam

    I have been with a girl for 5 months.First we were friends but we used to chat alot and later after 2 months i proposed her, she said no first and she said let just be friends.Later after 1 month i wasnt talking to her as before then she said that she loves me too.She has been to her relatives from the last 30 days and she has just called me twice.I really miss her and text her,sumtimes she replies and sumtimes she doesnt. she keeps telling me that i have my cousins with me all the time and my uncles doesnt like girls using cell phones. I have started to think that she never loved me i was just a time pass to her as she used to be alone at her home and now that she is with her cousins and all doesnt miss me. now she also says that she is getting engaged but i dont believe her. she is gonna be back in 15 days n says that we will talk about this thing when she gets back(we havent met yet). Tel me what should i do? Does she love me? Should i wait for her or try to get over her? What should i exactly do?

  18. Angela

    Thank you so much for sharing this knowledge. I just suffered a breakup that I knew needed to happen. I didn’t have the courage to end things, but my partner found the courage in the arms of another woman. Not the best way for me to accept the toxicity of our relationship, but it helped him. In the four years we were together I had forgotten to love myself and exepected i get everything from him…that’s a pretty big burden for any man to bear.
    Letting my heart actually break isn’t what’s going to be difficult, it’s the forgiveness that needs to occur to finally let go of all the insecurity, negativity and bad will.
    I thank you from the bottom of my now shattered heart for this advice.
    Keep the writing flowing, you have a gift and are meant to help others.

    Thank you
    Angela

  19. Tina, here you are again with another well written love article. As I always do, I will point out some of the points I agree with and those I don’t agree with and also provide some links that can add to readers interest and knowledge.
    first, I strongly agree with you on the case that one loving one self is very important way of healing break up. it is very true and I have tried it out when I had some very hurtful moments with my woman and it really helped me out. I also love the quote you made that every relationship will end some day, either by break up or by death. it happened to be my first time of hearing that and it immediately opened my eyes to realities that the woman I so much adore, will go someday and I have to accept that. though, I have written on similar thing before but your quote is very strong. I agree with all your points except, the fact that you said one should read inspiration books. the truth is that inspiration books can only heal someone on a very temporal base and leaves you immediately you are off from the action of the inspiration book. once someone drops the inspiration books, the person is likely going to start remembering the sad moments. another point I don’t agree with is the issue of someone going on a date with oneself. believe me, any one who is heartbroken and decides to use this method, will definitely know right inside of him or her that he/she is just pretending. the person may end up crying at the scene. the point I will love to stress out here is the issue of letting go. this is very important as you said and I also recommend accepting reality that you are heartbroken. this will also go a long way to help you.
    finally Tina, I will like to add that one important way of healing heartbreak is by preparing or avoiding it. one can avoid it if one prepares for it. with this method, if one experiences relationship break up, one will not really be heartbroken. I think, these links can be very helpful, one of them is on how to over-come the fear of relationship heartbreak: http://www.trueloverelationship-advice.com/2012/05/how-to-over-come-fear-of-heartbreak-in.html and how to handle fear in relationship. fear is one factor that can cause multiple problems in relationships, it can even cause relationship heartbreak. so, learning how to handle can also be very helpful: http://www.trueloverelationship-advice.com/2012/03/relationship-problems-handling-fear-in.html
    thanks once again Tina, you are a great writer who has patience and passion for relationship, God bless you.

  20. Anju

    Hi Tina,
    I have also gone through a break up, which was a 1 year relationship. I am not interested in time pass relationships. I entered into that relationship only because I had the belief that it would work out and result in marriage. The person whom I believed well changed his mind and after many months, he told me that he was not ready to marry me. I could not believe all those and it took time for me to get back to normal. Since he broke my trust upon him, I hated him, I dont know why but I still love him and we do maintain contacts even now. When I think of how I got cheated, I again feel hatred towards him and when I think so, I used to curse him through messages.

    After reading this, I now realise that I am not loving me much and I am not choosing happiness for myself. I wanted others to make me happy and I understand that now. From now onwards I would like to know me and love me well. I also want myself to make me happy. Also Im thinking now not to curse anyone for my fault. It is better to forgive than worrying about the past.

    Thanks a lot Tina

  21. Wee Ping

    Hi Tina,

    I have read so many of your articles, and they have really helped me a lot.

    I can reconcile with many of your advices that you have given to your readers in this article about getting over a breakup, but there is just one thing that i cant let go about my ex girlfriend.

    All the intimate things that we have once shared, i just cannot let go of that lost feeling when i imagine next time she’s going to share them with another guy. Anyway i was at the worse end in the breakup, even though we talked our breakup over several times already, and im very sure she has moved on (perhaps even before we brokeup), while i am still trying hard to get it over.

    Any advice? Thanks :)

  22. Sam

    Our love was so strong, after 4 years it ended abruptly. RIP jessica

  23. Emmie

    Hi everyone… I just recently broke up with my 5yr boyfriend whom i have a baby girl with him shes 8month. He has a son his 8yrs… But when i was pregnant he would begged me to get an abortion. Yet idk why i didnt left him then i guess i was afraid of being lonely… but now as i read this article it helped me realized ive been missing alot i must love myself first before loving someone else, things happen and theres nothing much we can do from it to stop happenning. I still have feelings for my ex 5yrs together was a big number of ups & dwns.!!! But i will apply some of the stuff from this article on my daily activities. Thanks again for the help from your article.!!

  24. ajay

    Thank you for your article – really resonated with the truth in it. Am going to try the exercises.

  25. Lucky Angel

    Hey Tina,

    Its just 2 days that me and my BF brokeup. We had been into lovely feelings from just 15 days and I loved him to the fullest and he too. Due to some genuine reasons that we both shared, we felt of taking such decision. And now we both have mutually agreed upon being good pals and to be there for each other always.

    Acceptance of the fact makes the difference.

    One thing I would like to share is that, if anyone is looking for a long term relationship, do think twice before committing to the opp person. And if you are committed, just go along. As in my case, may be its just 15 days of love, but the emotions n feelings that we have mutually shared continues to pop-up every now and then. Its very tough stage i’m undergoing.

    I am sure, I will come out of the pain im undergoing with this article.

    Thank you so much Tina..
    Good work done by you…. Keep it up…

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