Think Simple Now » clarity

How to Set Goals – To Create the Best Year

Tina Su — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 18:57:52 +0000

Editor’s Note: We’re giving away a $265 stunning energy necklace at the end of this post. Remember to leave a comment to enter. Don’t miss it. :)

By Tina Su

For New Year’s Eve 2011, Jeremy and I sat down and made our goals for the year. We made sure the goals were measurable, challenging, and lead us in the direction we wanted to go. After all, the experts say to set SMART goals. As diligent students, we complied.

Well, I accidentally opened up this document last week, for the first time since we created it (more than a year ago). I had completely forgotten about it. Reading through every line of the document, I felt a surge of guilt and disappointment.

You know that feeling in your stomach, almost ashamed that nothing on the list—of supposedly important items—were achieved. I didn’t end the year with 30K facebook fans, I didn’t do yoga everyday (In fact, not even once for the whole year), I didn’t become an early riser, and my living & working space is still messy.

In the same document, I looked up my husband’s list and email his weight training goals asking where he is compared to those targets. He replied with, “I was stronger when I set those goals than I am now.” I sensed disappointment in his words and instantly regretted sending him such a gloomy reminder.

And then I was thinking, isn’t this what we do to ourselves every year? We either set no goals or too many goals. If we fail to set goals, we’ll torture ourselves for feeling like a failure, because we have no goals. And if we do set goals, we’ll torture ourselves for feeling like a failure for not accomplishing the goals.

Year after year, we set long list of goals (if we actually set them) with arbitrary quantities to mark as targets. Then feeling disappointed when we review these goals some time down the road. We create the suffering. We bring it on to ourselves.

Let’s find a new way of setting goals and creating New Year resolutions that will actually make us feel good, and will actually help us.

Problem with Goals & Resolutions

Before diving into a better solution, let’s review some inherit problem with setting a bucket list of goals and why New Year resolutions doesn’t work.

1. Lack of Focus

Too many goals make it impossible to focus on any one.

The more diffused our awareness become the harder it is to focus. Without focus, we cannot achieve or produce or create anything.

Having too many things to focus on leaves us feeling overwhelmed and uncertain as to where we shall begin. Our brain, which naturally seeks the path of least resistance, will want to shut down, and will unconsciously start to avoid the goals all together.

For example, my goals for TSN last year (one of many categories) was the following list of random targets:

1,000,000 monthly pageviews
30,000 facebook fans
30,000 rss subscribers
Community features

I had completely forgotten about this list and thus failed to focus on any one item. My brain had gone into shutdown mode. There are simply too many things to focus on.

2. It’s Easy to Focus on Failure

We tend to focus on what we didn’t do than what we did do. When reviewing our goals, our eyes and hearts will gravitate towards all the things we didn’t do, and then we feel bad.

This is the problem with a list of any kind–even to-do lists. It’s far too easy to undervalue and thus fail to celebrate our achievements, because it’s just one item out of a long list of uncrossed, unachieved goals. When we review our goals and achievements in list form, it creates the illusion that we have failed, when in reality, we achieved all that we needed to do.

In my personal example, 2011 was one of the most transformative years of my life. I overcame my limited beliefs about money and had freed myself of the painful belief (from childhood) that “I didn’t deserve good things.” which significantly limited my ability to receive. My relationship with Jeremy became closer, as we had envisioned from our couple’s goal.

TSN‘s traffic have more than doubled compared to a year ago, and continues to grow. Additionally, we added more websites into our “Simple Life” network, and collectively exceeded over 6 million impressions each month. Almost overnight, our hobby sites became a business.

That’s a lot of blessing that deserves celebrating. But somehow, when reviewing my bucket list of goals from last New Year, I had forgotten about all the good that’s happened. Now I realized, I’m not such a failure. I’ve actually won. I’ve done all that I needed to do, and everything is as they should be. Everything is perfect just as it is.

3. We Experience Guilt

Since it’s so easy for us to notice and thus focus on what we’ve failed to achieve, we experience guilt, regret, and even shame. We forget that, after all, our list of goals is just an arbitrary list of “shoulds”.

No amount of guilt or disappointment will change the past. It becomes wasted energy that could be better spent elsewhere.

Big lists and many goals can make us feel bad, unnecessarily.

4. Failure to Review

Unless we review the goals regularly, we won’t make any progress. This is because our short term memory is limited to just a few bits of information.

We can keep track of one goal continuously. We cannot, however, keep track of 10 goals without reviewing it regularly. Our short term memory simply doesn’t have that kind of capacity.

I read somewhere that our short term memory can hold 5 (+/-) 2 pieces of information at a time. That means between 3 to 7 pieces of data (by the way, this is why phone numbers are 7 digits long broken up into 3 to 4 digit chunks).

5. Lack of Meaning

Sometimes, we set goals for the sake of setting goals. “It’s time to set goals!” we tell ourselves, and ends up doing a brain-dump of everything we’ve ever wanted. This usually includes an exhaustive list of things we think we should be doing, and things we think will make us happy.

And then we learn from productivity experts that we should set goals that are measurable (I know, I’ve been guilty of this), so we randomly invent a number and attach it as our target. As trivial as this may seem, this little number has the power to make us feel bad when we haven’t reached it at year’s end.

But the number is meaningless. It’s unimportant to us.

What we want is not the number, but rather to feel successful, attractive, happy, and fulfilled. And we think that if we reached this arbitrary target, then we will experience those positive emotions.

As time goes by, we start to forget why we set the goals to begin with. We forget why they were important. They become just another item written down on a list (that we don’t look at again).

When we forget why, it’s hard to feel motivated and inspired to take action on them. When we have many goals (ie. more than one goal), it’s easy to forget why.

A New Approach to Goals

Photo by Cari Wayman

Instead of setting a list of goals at the start of each year, I want to promote a new tradition: Setting a one-word theme for the year. I got this idea from Mari Smith. And it’s a powerful one.

You can remember one word throughout the year. It’s easy to think about and focus on just one theme. It’s also a lot easier to take action and make progress towards this one theme. Having one theme also makes it possible to set realistic follow up goals and milestones.

It’s like having a guiding light beaming in one direction (instead of several directions). All you have to do is to follow that light.

My one word theme for 2012 is Balance.

What this means to me is a general sense of personal wellness, fulfillment, and balance between work & life. It’s a feeling that cannot be objectively measured. I’ll know whether I feel balanced or not. Right now, I feel balanced (because I’ve been writing to you and all the while embodying and integrating the intention of “Balance” today).

Focusing on one word, which I have a positive association with, is so much easier and rewarding than focusing on something arbitrary like “Get 30,000 Facebook fans“. And because there is only one word, there is no struggle to recall what it is.

I think about it often, and carry the essence of it with me as I enter into each day. The result? No matter how rough or how ordinary the day is, I end the day (on most days) feeling good knowing that I had integrated the most important quality that I need into my day: Balance.

Whenever I feel like setting goals for the day, I just ask myself “What can I accomplish today that will help me feel balanced?” The answer may be tackling particular to-do items, or taking the afternoon off to play with my son, or de-cluttering the kitchen counter. I’ll do them, and will feel a great sense of inner fulfillment and wellness.

Having one theme allows me to laser focus on the one thing I need the most.

Last year, my theme was Abundance. And I entered each day with similar intentions. Suffice it to say, last year was complete magic filled with abundance in its various dances.

I also love the one word theme concept because a single word can be interpreted in several ways, thus I can always find a way to integrate the word into my day, without the heavy feeling of disappointment for not hitting a random goal.

For example, when I take care of my body–getting rest, drinking lots of water, eating well and exercising–I am living in accordance with my goal of “Balance”, because those acts promote personal wellness. As such, I feel happy from the act of taking care of my body.

On the other hand: If I had a traditional goal of say “losing 10 pounds in 30 days”, the experience will be different, because my happiness will be tied directly to the digits on a scale. Even though I exercised and ate well, I won’t feel satisfaction until a certain amount of weight loss is reflected from a scale. The former (one-word theme) approach is much more peaceful, gentle, encouraging and reinforcing.

How to Find Your Theme

Enough about me. Let’s work together to find a one-word theme for you. Okay?

When you ask yourself, “What do I want this year to be about?” you may instantly and intuitively feel an answer pop out. If not, try answer the following questions on a piece of paper (instead of just thinking about it) and see what words emerge for you:

What does your ideal life look like? What do you want? What do you want to be doing? How do you want to feel?
Complete the sentence: I want ____.
What one change can you make that will significantly improve the quality of your life experience?
If you had to pick just one thing? What do you want the most?
Does the word feel good? There are no wrong answers. What you pick is personal and meaningful to you. If it feels good, go with it.

Got it?

Don’t continue until you have your word. I’ll wait.

Using Your Theme

Once you have your one-word theme, here are some thoughts on integrating and using the word into your life.

1. Expand on the Word

One word can have many meaning. Clarify what your word means to you.

I mentioned earlier that the word Balance means (to me): a general sense of personal wellness, fulfillment and balance between work & place.

Ask yourself the following question:

What does this mean to me?

Additionally, you can dive deeper into what this picture looks like for you, by answering the following question:

What does “a life of [insert word]” look like?

When answering, write down each block of thought in bullet points, without editing. Keep writing until you have nothing else to say.

For example: for me, a life of “balance” looks like:

Consistent work schedule and productivity, from which I drawn in a sense of fulfillment.
Separation between work and home.
Being fully present with my family when I am home. Do not check work email.
Time for myself to reflect, read, write.
Taking care of my body and health.
Living and working in a clean, organized and uncluttered space.
Rising with the sun. Getting a beautiful early start to my day.
Feeling balanced and well on a daily basis.
Taking breaks. Allowing rest and play.

The more clear you can be in describing your picture, the easier it will be to further integrate the word into your experience (because you know what activities you can do to access this experience).

2. Symbolic Reminder

Photo by Karrah Kobus

One trick I started doing last year and found helpful was to get a piece of jewelry that I loved, and using it as a token—a physical representation—that served as a reminder for the word.

Energy Muse had sent me this beautiful necklace last year. When I received it, I named it “Abundance” and whispered a little prayer “You will remind me of possibilities and abunance in this Universe. I thank you in advanced.”

I wore it everyday, and when I touched it or saw it in the reflection of a mirror, it reminded me that I am an abundant person living in a incredible universe filled with goodness, good people, and of infinite possibilities. It made me happy.

Side Note: At the end of this post, Energy Muse is giving away this necklace to one of you reading this ($265 value). Make sure to leave a comment to enter.

Additionally, I found two other sources of “conscious jewelry ” which I also love: Zen by Karen Moore (Our soul sister Cat Li Stevenson swears by the hand made jewelry lovingly made by Karen Moore) and KA Gold Spirtual Jewlery (I loved this piece, and wore it until the chain broke from my son pulling on it).

Alternatively, if you have other jewelery or pieces of token that you already love, you can use them too. The point is to have some physical reminders of your “goal” that you can carry with you, and see regularly.

3. Create Goals From Your Theme

If you completed the above exercise on clarifying what the word means to you, you’ll notice that many of the items you wrote down can be converted into mini goals that contribute towards your one-word theme.

For my personality type, I still like to work with goals on a daily basis. But now I set short-term goals that will support my theme, instead of a list of random goals that I think I should be doing.

To find these mini goals, you can either expand on your word, like the exercise proposed from #1 above, or setting goals based on answering the following question:

“What can I do to integrate [insert your word] into my life?”

Allow whatever answers to show up, and write them down without judging or editing.

Please note that these are just ideas. Nothing is set in stone. You do not have to achieve every one of these ideas in order to feel satisfied. Anyone will do the trick. The point is to create a habit of goal setting based on your theme—what’s most important to you.

4. One Goal at a Time

If you did the above exercise or creating goals based on your theme, you will have a list of goals (once again). You will get overwhelmed if you try to work on all of these at once.

Pick just one sub goal, and focus on just that. Work on this goal everyday for at least 21 days, until it’s become a habit. Once the goal is reached or becomes a habit, you can move on to the next mini goal. You may dabble in other related goals if it feels good to you, but always have one as your highest priority.

For example, I’ve just completed the small goal of “separation between home and life” by moving my office completely outside of our home and not taking work home, and I’m currently working on “rising with the sun” by developing the habits of becoming an early riser. Once I develop the waking up early habit, I will focus on de-cluttering.

5. Be Gentle On Yourself

Through out the year, you will experience days where you feel like you are moving in the opposite direction of where you want to go.

Please remember, and commit to, be gentle on yourself.

Every one of us will encounter and experience such days. It’s completely normal and expected.

When these days occur, just give yourself the permission to have “off” days. It’s okay to feel depressed, sad, off-track and cranky. This, like all days shall pass. Everything will be okay. Tomorrow is a new day.

Before You Go …

I wish you a beautiful, productive and happy year from any starting point. Not just for this year, but for all years to come.

Now, before you go, spend a minute to share with me (in the comment below) what your one-word theme is for this year?

In leaving a comment below, you are being entered into a draw for this beautiful necklace (From EnergyMuse)—I used the same necklace last year to represent “Abundance” (a $265.00 Value). The entry for this divine goodie will close on March 31, 2012 at 8am PST. Please use a valid email address. Your email will only be seen my me (Tina) and you will never receive spam. And yes, you can enter as many times as you like *wink*.

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7 Lessons from a Broken Heart

Kayla Albert — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:00:33 +0000

Photo by Rosie Hardy

Editor’s Note: Even though this story contains life lessons from a broken heart (a painful break up), its lessons are applicable to many other life situations. I highly recommend reading this, even if you are not going through a broken heart.

By guest contributor Kayla Albert

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities
brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” ~Charles R. Swindoll

Nine months ago, as I carted my meager belongings into my parents house–a move that was supposed to be temporary–my world came crashing down. It was an apocalypse I was anything but prepared for.

After envisioning a walk down the aisle, my relationship of six years came to a screeching, and quite unexpected, halt. My heart was broken. I lost several freelance jobs I had come to count on, and my already shaky income became non-existent. Worst of all, I endured a blow to my self esteem that left me curled up on the couch unable to do anything more than sleep and sob.

I had known for a few months that things didn’t feel right, it was a quiet rumbling of unease that started off small and seemed to be buzzing in my ear up until the moment the Universe decided it was time for my wake up call. At the time, I would have been far more comfortable with just buckling down and holding on to what I already had.

Clearly, there was a plan I hadn’t yet been privy to.

The recovery process was long—and at times, so irritatingly slow. Friendships that I had fallen back on suddenly dissipated into nothingness, and I received job rejections that shook my fragile sense of self more and more each time. When I thought that I was slowly pulling myself out of the abyss, I fell a little deeper.

But right around the time I began to accept that there was perfection in the imperfection, that I was already surrounded by things I was deeply grateful for, and that all the things I lost weren’t “mine” to begin with, I sensed a lightening of my soul and the situations going on around me.

Now, months later, I embrace a strength in myself that I never had before. Hindsight may be 20/20, but since emerging from the muck, I am now able to see these “impossible situations” as great opportunities.

Here are some things I’ve learned along the way:

1. The end of one relationship makes room for the start of another

While undergoing these drastic life changes, I learned the art of purging—letting go of the people and things that were no longer serving me in a positive way.

Being at my worst allowed me to see the people I had in my life that were only interested in me at my best. Releasing them from my experience allowed new friendships and relationships to emerge.

2. Starting from the bottom opens up a world of possibilities

In some strange way it was liberating to let go of so much at once and get down to the bare bones of who I was and who I wanted to be.

Starting from rock bottom opened up a world of possibilities that might not have been available to me had I kept some things and gotten rid of others. I was suddenly free to re-create myself and my life in a way that my mind had previously not been able to imagine.

3. Everyone is working through their junk

When I was smack dab in the middle of the roughest part of my breakup, I felt completely and utterly alone. I felt as if this experience had isolated me from the rest of the living, breathing world.

Yet, once I started talking about it—sharing my lowest point with people I was close and not so close to—I realized that everyone could relate on some level. People started sharing their own personal heartbreak with me and I began to understand the human condition on a deeper level.

We all have junk. It’s just far easier to air it out then try to hide it.

4. Life will always return to some sort of equilibrium

It was easy for me, in the midst of my crisis, to believe that I would never feel complete or whole again, that the wounds I now had would always be exposed. I know now that life has a way of healing us that we don’t always expect.

The healing process wasn’t linear—there were days when everything seemed ok, good even, then others when the pain made me want to check out for the day. But eventually, things evened out and there were far more hopeful days than disaster days.

I have since created a new normal, one that allows me to leave the past where it belongs—in the past.

5. Releasing expectation leaves less room for disappointment

Part of the reason why I was so shell shocked and devastated by the way things fell apart was because I was deeply entrenched in what I hoped and expected would happen. I had a picture of my future etched in my mind and I wasn’t open to any other outcome.

Along the way I realized that my inability to let go of this picture kept me closed off to other possibilities—even those that would have made me happier than the ones I was hoping for.

I’ve since learned how to let go and allow life to just happen, which has ushered in a deep sense of joy that I haven’t experienced before. And, of course, awe, surprise, and gratitude are far more fulfilling emotions than disappointment has ever been.

6. Having nothing to lose is liberating

While I was holding on tight-fisted to a relationship I didn’t know how to be without, I closed myself off to new experiences with different people. It wasn’t about dating, it was about being free to show up as just myself—without thinking about calling my significant other or leaving early to be with him.

Having nothing to lose made me fearless with the people I met—more open, more willing to connect in different ways. I could show up with an identity that revolved around me and only me. And that was fantastically liberating.

7. Listen lightly to the opinions of others

When I was in the middle of my darkest hour, I found dozens of people who wanted to offer an opinion or advice. And while I recognized this as an act of love and desire to help, taking everyone’s expert advice and boisterous opinions to heart muddled my own judgment.

Part of the reason why all of this happened in the first place was because I had stopped listening to my own intuition and following what my feelings were telling me. In order to reconnect, I had to learn to trust myself again—and listen only lightly to those around me.

Parting Words

Yet, the one piece of advice that will forever serve as my compass came from my mom: “Does that decision make you feel lighter or heavier? If it makes you feel lighter, you know you’ve chosen what’s best for you.”

A year ago I would have said that my deepest fears were exactly what has occurred in the past nine months: being broken up with, losing my work, and letting go of friendships I couldn’t imagine myself without. It has all happened—and I’m still here, living, breathing, and enjoying life in profound ways.

Oddly enough, having each of my fears realized was a relief—one I didn’t know I needed. It has allowed me to live in each moment exactly as it is, without the gnawing fear that some disaster is waiting for me around the corner. After all, I’ve already experienced it.

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About the Author

Kayla Albert is freelance writer intent on living life deliberately. You can follow her at Confessions of a Perfectionist. If there’s a writing project you’d like for her to tackle, visit her website at kaylaalbert.com

The Power of Rituals

Guest of TSN — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:21:50 +0000

Photo by Valerio Boncompagni

Editor’s Note: This is a story by guest contributor Jordan Alam

“The more I broaden my interpretation of what can be called a ritual, the more I find them, and find myself creating them in my life.” ~Lisa Weiner

I was sitting with my therapist in the midst of college finals. It was one of our last sessions together before I would return home for the long summer vacation. It stunned me that my sophomore year at college was coming to an end. Where had the time gone?

“I feel like it’s too soon,” I told her, “Like I’ve worked through all these changes, and now it has to come to an end. It’s strange, but I almost don’t want to leave anymore.”

She looked me in the eye. We both knew I had gone through a hard semester, both academically and socially. That year, I met my biological parents for the first time, reconnected with family in a country 14 hours away, and lost myself in working too much and sleeping too little. I had contemplated not returning to school or taking off time the next year. It was surprising to both of us that I might actually be enjoying my time there—right when it was about to end.

That morning, we talked about the accomplishments I had made over the semester: I had found friends to stave off loneliness and rigorous scheduling allowed me to carve out precious hours for myself. I had improved, even when I wasn’t paying attention.

My therapist left me with a great kernel of wisdom that day. She said, “We often need to mark transitions with rituals of closure in our lives. People often sense important moments unconsciously and perform ritualistic actions to close that part of their lives and celebrate the new.”

I still felt like the light was fading too fast for me. I began to count the number of concerts and gatherings I would be missing once I left. “I don’t feel like I’ve done anything much,” I told my therapist.

With a knowing smile, she replied, “You’ve done all you need to.”

How to Identify Rituals from Key Moments

Beginnings and endings are some of the most obvious times when one needs closure, but life does not often fall into easily divided intervals like my academic semester.

Without my therapist’s guiding words, I would not have recognized my energetic attendance of NYC events as a ritual. Rituals need not be grandiose or spectacular—what matter is that they are meaningful to you. A simple conversation can often be the most gratifying ritual.

Here are the six ways I identified and integrated meaningful rituals into my life:

1. Feel Mindfully

Staying connected to your emotional ebbs and flows is the only way to be in tune with your needs at the moment. While paying attention may seem simple, many people ignore even great emotional changes because of one big limitation: fear.

Our emotions are not always comfortable or pleasant. Fear is a very simple defense mechanism that allows us to skirt around them rather than sit with them. I encourage you to sit with your emotions in the way you find most appealing: talking with a close friend, keeping a diary, writing or meditation.

2. Cater to Emotions

Fear rationalizes itself. If you fear the feelings that you are having in the moment and stifle them, your thoughts will come right up to support that decision. I am not upset. I am not lonely. I am not overwhelmed. I have not changed. These are thoughts that deny the emotions lying just beneath.

Pay attention to your emotions as they are. Take a step away from fear and the denial that your mind uses to protect it. While it may be challenging at first, sitting with your emotions can begin the process of healing. And it can help you identify the transition you need to mark.

3. Plan your Ideal Life Ritual

Planning engages your creativity. It may even start before you’ve felt that you need a ritual – in the form of a bucket list or a worst case scenario plan. Regardless of whether the transition conjures up positive or negative emotions, it is helpful to have an idea of how you want it to progress.

Whether you are working on sitting with your emotions or have identified your needs, keep envisioning different experiences that have meaning to you. Rituals are meant to give closure, but they need not be reflective, so feel free to explore the possibilities.

4. Be Flexible

If you plan, know that your plans may change. If the situation is unexpected, focus on your emotions and let your thoughts quiet before you begin. There is value in starting small, such as having several tiny rituals that can help you through the moment.

Remember: you are not expected to control everything before you seek closure or mark a transition. You are changed by your emotions and situation as much as you can change them.

5. Experience Deeply

This is another exercise in bringing silence to your thoughts. A lesson from yogic meditation tells us that we may acknowledge our thoughts, but must always refocus ourselves on the body and its feelings. When you are performing your ritual, big or small, take this advice to heart and allow yourself to connect with the moment.

6. Willing to Let Go or Embrace Change

Rituals only mark the changes that you have encountered: they do not create them. Know that the transitions you experience throughout life have been a culmination of all that you have been in the past and lead into all that you will be in the future.

If you feel unsure or have anxiety about the change, sit with that emotion as you have done before. Take the discomfort and remember that all of your past experiences have prepared you in some way for this moment, and that you are capable of moving on into the future with these lessons.

Parting Words on Rituals

I don’t claim to be an expert on rituals, but when my therapist sat me down and talked me through all the changes that I was unknowingly celebrating this year, I started to feel that it was something I desperately needed.

Rituals facilitate our understanding of ourselves; we use them to create a sense of safety in our daily lives and to make peace with difficult emotions.

Yet the most important thing to remember about rituals is that they can be fun. They can bring in new experiences that we were frightened of before and allow us to connect deeply with them.

Make a ritual of the positive transitions just as much as you would the negative ones—public or private, they can help us move into a new form of ourselves.

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About the Author

Jordan is a South Asian writer and artist who blogs about her work and opinions at The Cowation. As a woman of color who is always busy with some project or another, she has a lot to share about identity, feminism, and life as a creative person. She attends Barnard College in New York City, and is currently a peer educator with Well Woman, the wellness group on campus, where she has taught others about everything from positive body image to seeking help for depression. She intends to pursue a career in psychology.

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How to Live

Cat Li Stevenson — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 23:00:55 +0000

Photo by Vanessa Paxton

By Cat Li Stevenson

“Every artist dips his brush in his own soul and
paints his own nature into his pictures.” ~Henry Ward Beecher

“Okay, let’s say life is a blank canvas. Anything you want. What would you paint, babe?” I asked my husband.

There was a brief pause. He grabbed a few Almond Rocas off the kitchen counter, made his way to the couch, and then sat there … like a happy, modern Buddha.

He responded, “I don’t think about what to paint, I think about how to paint.”

Irritation quickly spread throughout my entire body. Regardless of the Zen reading and Vipassana training I had been doing, that was not the response I’d anticipated.

Tonight, for one moment, I wanted to set aside the rationale of “Journey is the way, happiness is not a destination”. Tonight, I really wanted to abandon abstractness and find practicality in our thought process.

Tonight, I’d hoped for grounded, definitive answers—a timeline, some known factors with some known possibilities that delivered a measurable “what to paint” outcome. I wanted to know how to live fulfilling days centered in peace and meaning.

Inspiration for How To Live

I’d just come home after a long day—a long month, at that. I’d spent most of the past two months fueled by perpetual, reactionary energy. A few weeks earlier I had lost a relative very dear to me. This loss, coupled with other personal transitions and an overcommitted workload, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

With a daily mindfulness practice, I’d become better at not seeking external diversions. I had learned to not search for outer validations for the inner challenges I was experiencing. I hard learned to take full responsibility for the choices I had made (to commit to extra work, to be busy, to be tired).

The past few years, I had become a student of breathing through anxious moments, sitting quietly when my mind was over stimulated, or writing when I needed detoxifying from emotional bombardment.

I was learning how to sit with discomfort without reaching for tools to distract, deny or escape.

Instead of plugging up to Pandora to inject a feel-good song to muffle unsettled feelings, I’d sit with raw emotions. Instead of reaching for my cell phone—a distraction—to check my Twitter feed, I’d examine feelings and attempt to process them.

I was learning. And had witnessed significant inner growth.

But, not tonight.

Tonight, although aware of my burnout-driven-desire for answers, my husband was the one I’d seek out for the external “quick fix”.

I wanted him to tell me, right now, at this very moment, “Where are we going? How will we live? What are we going to do with our lives? What greatness will we achieve? How will we save the world? And are we on the right path? Is this—the way we experience our days now—our purpose?

Or are we really half asleep, on a wheel?

I wanted to know what to paint. I wanted to know what my picture would look like.

My deepest belief is that our reality is a mental creation. Our internal story lines—our thoughts, mindset, affirmations—narrate a projection into our physical world. And vice versa, our physical world is a mirror of our inner being.

So I’d propositioned to him, with this stage-setting belief, my question again: “Life is a blank canvas, let’s paint, shall we?? How do you want to live?” Since I’d rephrased with a few ounces of maturity and philosophy, I expected him to reciprocate.

Yet, I still received no solid answer. No picture.

He repeated himself with the same simplicity as moments before. Something that went like this, “The way we intentionally choose to live each day. This is the how “the way” and “the what” naturally would follow suit.”

“Wow … What a really, really unfulfilling answer.”

This was my last thought that evening. I went to sleep—still stuck in a war zone of mental uncertainty—frustrated with the vagueness of a blank canvas. And I didn’t return to this thought until today.

~~~

A few months have passed, and my anxiousness for the unknown is beginning to dissipate. I now radically let my frustrations, fears and uncertainties be. Acknowledging them, blessing them, and reminding myself, during times when fears do take over, “this too shall pass”.

I let go of my obsession with future-oriented events. I found myself happier in each moment. And, in turn, the answers to my ‘what’ question has been generous in its return. With less force and resistance—and more allowing and surrendering—a picture began to organically form (a story for another post).

How to Live? The 3 Hows of Intentional Living

I’m becoming more and more aware, and accepting, that life is uncertain.

The same elements that make it exciting and beautiful can also bring us on an anxious pursuit for answers. Here are three mindset tools for how to live when we are in a time of transition, fresh with questions, faced with unknowns.

1. Choose Consciously

Living life as a reflex is the grass-root of stress. Reactionary living is working backwards and leads to energy depletion. Our stressors begin to strip away our soul, and we suffocate on an empty tank of unfulfilled needs.

We can reverse this way of living backwards by choosing to consciously create our lives. We can live by setting our intentions.

Contemplate this: “What do I want to intentionally represent?” For example, is it love, humility, compassion, creativity, intelligence?

Or, ask yourself this, “How can I honestly show up for myself and then for others?”

Or on a smaller scale, “When I have lunch with a good friend or a co-worker today, what will I stand for?”

We can choose consciously by affirming we are love, we are humble, we are compassionate, we are creative, and so on.

And when moments of distress do find their way into our space, it is noticeably apparent. There is a heightened awareness towards unconscious feelings.

Take this moment to ponder how your intentions—your mindset, your strategy—will create a conscious, fulfilling life. Choose wisely, and then carry them, center them, deeply within.

Our intentions guide everything. Know this.

2. Adopt a Zen Mind

In zazen—the Zen practice of meditation—our mind is calm and simple. Though, in ordinary life, outside of zazen, this isn’t usually the case.

Daily, we experience a flurry of busy and complicated thoughts—an influx of stimulating & annoying status updates, media noise, email-flood-gate-management, what to have for the next meal, the weekend errand list, a project deadline, keeping in touch with friends, taking care of a parent, going home to a sick child. Hardly Zen.

With many responsibilities that are constantly calling us, we may not easily be able to focus on what we are doing at this very moment.

According to Zen teachings, our cluttered thoughts are a result of thinking with a relative mind. The relative mind is exactly as it reads—the mind which sets itself in relation to other things. And this type of thinking leads to mental clutter.

For example, let’s explore traffic with a relative mind.

Instead of sitting in rush hour with a clear mind, we are impatient—even angry—as we’re running late for the 8am meeting. As we’re driving our shoulders stiffen, our grip on the steering wheel tightens. Our entire bodies react as we become tense. We are zooming into the future by envisioning the wrath of our boss as we stumble in late… guided by our reflection into the past—last week when we were also late.

Not to mention, we’re irritated with the car in front of us for leaving a larger gap than needed … driving slower than the 10 mph flow. Then, we look over to the next lane and find a woman putting on make-up, treating the driver’s seat as a vanity instead of as a vehicle.

We start to form judgment. Our temper has a growing aggression.

The mind is cluttered.

Compulsive thinking forms residual debris that further creates fuel for more compulsive thinking—a result of reaching into the past or zooming into the future. There is another way.

If we adopt a Zen Mind, if we embrace something quite simple with a clear mind, we have no shadows, no debris, no relative mind. Our present moment just is.

There is clarity and the moment is straightforward.

Zen teachings state to do one event, one conversation, one focus with our whole body and mind; to be concentrated. Be whole in each moment. In our conversations, when we are preparing a meal, when we are listening.

So, back to the example of traffic: when we are stuck, be there with your whole body and mind. Just sit there. Take three slow and deep breaths: inhale & exhale.

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist Monk, would also remedy irritation by recommending adding a half smile with this breathing exercise. Certainly, though conceptually simplistic, to master frustrations with present moment awareness and breathing is no small feat … and one that takes practice in a very demanding, modern world.

But it can be done. If this philosophy is intriguing to you and you’d like to explore further, I highly recommend “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind”, a book that changed my life.

3. Show Up

You. This moment. Both are perfect.

This final “how to live” is a parallel to the second: to show-up, wholly, wherever you go. Understand that your attention is the most precious resource you have.

Today, we can recognize, we can allow what we are doing right now to be perfect, without judgment, without analyzing. We can allow ourselves to be fully here. And we can provide this most amazing gift—our attention—to our current action, to each of our conversations, to those we meet throughout the day.

Parting Words

To close on a Zen note, there is a precept, a saying, “Dana pajna paramita.”

Dana is to give.
Prajna is wisdom.
Paramaita means to cross over, to reach the other shore.

In other words, “To reach the other shore with each step of the crossing is the way of true living.”

That frustrating night months ago, and my husband’s response that I shunned at—I don’t think about what to paint, I think about how to paint—well, it’s true.

Our mind and heart are so powerful and deliberate: how we see becomes how we paint. Our canvas is then our intent, mindfulness, and presence.

And with this priming, our “what”—our unique work of art—is revealed to us moment-by-moment.

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How to Stop Negative Self Talk

Tina Su — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:23:31 +0000

Photo by aeschleah

By Tina Su

Do you know what makes life difficult?

The answer is simple: it’s us. :)

It is us, and that large and complex brain of ours that seem to seek out drama, repeat negative self-talk, create false illusions of fear, and generally makes our life difficult in almost all situations. Seriously.

Every single struggle we experience on a daily basis; every complaint, every dissatisfaction, every problem can be drilled down into a single source of root cause: our brain and the stories it tell us.

Because our brain’s job is to keep us safe, it is constantly acting from a place of fear. Its job is to ensure our survival. As such, its job is not to ensure that we have a blissful experience while we are alive.

Even when everything is going well, a little voice in our head will say, “Watch out! Something bad is going to happen.” Then panic sets in, and we experience that unnerving anxious feeling of possibly losing all the good we have going for us.

Our brain is exceptional at telling us engaging stories that are so convincing that it’ll influence us to also act out of fear and irrational anxiety. Additionally, It will vividly replay the emotional story in our mental theater over and over… over and over… over and over.

It’s torture, really.

Before you know it, you’ll start to believe in the story and trusting it to be true. It becomes solidified in your mind in the form of a belief–even if it wasn’t true. We then continue our life’s journey and take action from that place of false belief.

The problem is…. we end up suffering.

Sometimes, we suffer a lot. Sometimes, we suffer for a long time. We suffer because we don’t realize that we are the problem and that we are also the solution.

My Story of Negative Self Talk

For the last year or so, I have been carrying with me the repetitive thought and heavy belief that “I am a bad mom.”

Like many of our self-defeating thoughts, it whispers quietly in our ears and its toxin spreads insidiously. We realize that it is there, but because it’s difficult to separate it from reality, we let it stay. Because our brain speaks with our own voice, it feels real and it feels true.

Anyway, in my example, I had believed it. I had bought its story. Feeling completely incompetent as a parent, I did what I could to stay busy and to stay away from my little boy. It was heart breaking. I kept this secret silently tucked away in the privacies of my mind (and now you know it too).

Externally, people saw that I was focused on work–after all, lots of kiddies go to day care. Internally, my heart was crying. Truth was: I had buried myself in work because I didn’t think I could handle it. I was scared.

The more I stayed away, the more time I spent focused on work the worse I felt and the more my actions confirmed the affirmation that “I am a bad mom.” I was literally torturing myself.

Can you see that it’s a downward spiral? In these private mental wars we battle, no body wins.

Having gained the conscious awareness that this little thought was the reason why I had put my son in day care and why I suddenly felt compelled to focus on my career, it felt like waking up from a bad dream.

Looking at my precious little boy (almost 2 years old now), who radiates life so fully and with so much joy, I feel a surge of emotions–a mixture between feeling guilt for having “missed” a year of his life and feeling deep appreciation for having learned this valuable lesson.

I put my forehead against his soft little forehead, his light brown eyes looking straight into my soul and I gently whispered, “I love you Booboo. From now on, I promise to enjoy EVERY moment with you. Mama understands now.”

With that, I decided to stay home with my son once again. I decided to work out my schedule such that I can be a full-time mom again. No more drama. No more (mental) lies. No more (self) abuse.

I get another chance at this important “job”, except this time without illusions, without guilt. Through its ups and downs, I want to be there, fully.

~ ~ ~

Even before I was a mom, there was always something non-supportive running through my head, and often I would believe it. And this belief into a false statement about myself would cause so much pain and zaps much of my vital energy. I would feel cut off from life and it significantly limited my ability to feel happy.

I think the last thing before “I am a bad mom” the limiting thought running in my mind was “I am not lovable”. Even just a few weeks ago, while standing in a room of strangers at a conference in New York, feeling alone, the thought that kept running in my mind was “I’m such a loser. No body likes me.”

It doesn’t make sense, and it even sounds silly when we talk about this openly. But I genuinely believe that thoughts like these hunt each and every one of us to some capacity. Whether we are conscious of these thoughts or not, they do affect us. And they do hurt us.

Now, I don’t think these thoughts will ever go away, which is ironic, since this article is on “How to Stop Negative Self Talk”. While we can’t completely stop the negative self-talk, we can work towards a new reality where we stop believing in all this negative self talk.

We can do our best to practice awareness in recognizing when these thoughts are happening, and choosing to not buy into the abuse.

We can say, “Thank you for sharing.” Or “Cancel.” Or simply recognizing that our brain is like a crazy, drunken monkey that says really stupid things, and that we really shouldn’t take it seriously.

What about you?

What unsupportive thoughts are you hearing on repeat in your mind? What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true?

Stop for a minute from reading and reflect. What were you worried/stressed/anxious about recently (or right now)? What thoughts have been racing on repetition in your head?

Take inventory. Take notice. Then shine the light of awareness upon it. When we are facing the light, the shadows must fall behind us.

Here are some common thoughts:

I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …

All of these (and more) are illusions fabricated by our mind, which significantly limits our capacity to fully enjoy life. When we get lost in the story, we miss the gifts nestled only in this moment.

This moment, after all, is all we have. Once we loose it, it’s gone forever.

So savor it.

Drop the story. Be here now.

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**BACK TO YOU: How have you been? What’s on your mind lately? I’ve missed you. Let me know how you’ve been and your thoughts in the comment section. See you there.

Coping with Stress: 5 Ways

pooja — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 00:39:21 +0000

By Pooja Lohana

“Problems are to the mind what exercise is to the muscles,
they toughen and make strong.”
~Norman Vincent Peale

I am a self-employed freelance writer and if you have ever worked for yourself (or worked at a demanding job), you can probably related to the sentiment that stress from work is one of the biggest factors that can cripple your mind and body.

Since our goal at Think Simple Now is for all of us to live a happy life, in this post I will share a story of when stress broke me down and the 5 lessons I’ve learned while coping with stress.

As much as being your own boss is fun and it can give you the tremendous freedom, it can also be extremely demanding and emotionally stressful. You end up wearing many hats in your company: marketing, HR, the IT person, customer relations and CEO. If I stopped working, so will my business. All pressure is on me.

As the day starts, my brain races through the list of tasks that “must” be fulfilled during the next 10-12 hours. Sometimes, I’d get so distracted that I would completely ignore what my partner just said. Sometimes, I would rush through a whole day and not remember what I ate for breakfast.

Has this happened to you? Can you remember the last time you brushed your teeth or bathed mindfully?

Progress and stress seem to go together. There is hardly anyone who manages to glide through life with zero stress.

Frankly, I believe stress is there for a reason—and a good one. In terms of a simple equation, it is a negative motivation that if X doesn’t get done, Y will result. Y is not something attractive and you’d like to achieve Z. So X must be done at any cost.

But if we let stress take over our lives, we lose control and fail to achieve anything. It becomes a hurdle instead.

I have come to realize that more than getting things done, more than self-motivation, more than self-discipline and any commitment, I first must tackle one serious concern: the stress in my daily life.

It is true that we cannot completely eliminate stress from our lives. But we can minimize it to create a more controlled, productive and enjoyable experience here on earth. And it is possible irrespective of how “hard” your goals are to reach.

In other words, if you decide to beat stress, you will. How? We’ll talk about 5 ways on coping with stress. But first, a personal story.

Personal Story on Stress

Recently, I was beaten by stress left, right, center.

I felt like a squirrel running in a cage. I had several projects on my platter—a new non-fiction book to be ghost-written; a bunch of articles to be edited for a personal trainer; a press release to be written for a magazine; interview questions to be devised for an expert/scientist in the field of climate change and some editing work for Tina.

As you can see, the projects were pretty spread out and a bit all over the place. But this was nothing new. However, this time something entirely outside of my expectations happened.

I was starting to get furious because I couldn’t achieve things as scheduled and when I did, I saw my quality suffer. Tina asked me to relax, and write from a place of inspiration. I tried several recommended resources and tried to relax.

Yet, nothing much happened. I kept losing.

Then I was asked to take a break and come back to it when I felt inspired.

But I didn’t take a break. I continued to force the creativity out of myself. “Come out! Show me your face. I am waiting.” I pleaded my muse. I was not letting this go. The fight was on.

Zilch.

Needless to say, I was exhausted. Do you know why I lost? Can you figure why I couldn’t force the creativity out of me? Because I couldn’t give myself permission.

“What permission, Pooja”?

Permission to . . . fail. Permission to feel low. Permission to feel unmotivated. Permission to just be even if it meant being unproductive for a while.

Do you know what I mean? Can you relate?

Being a driven person, I’ve never missed a deadline—it was just “not me”. So I used the persuasion tricks on my body and mind.

“Come on you two, if you bring me fresh ideas I will give you a break. I will give you fresh air. I will love you more.” I’d try to convince myself.

The more I fought and forced my creativity to show up, the more it hid from me. The farther I ran away from feeling pathetic—well, you guessed it—the more miserable I was! In the end, I was more worn-out and stressed-out.

So what was happening? How was I, the sole member of my company, supposed to break this cycle of stress and keep myself going?

My Revelation about Stress

After about 2 weeks of this back and forth action, I realized I had to stop. Just be still and look straight at myself. No more pretenses, no more running away.

Finally, yesterday, at 5 am in the morning, I woke up, sat still in my bed, and just observed in silence.

There was a cry from my ego—it tried to distract me. Basically, it tried to prevent me from feeling pathetic. But I continued observing.

I felt every single emotion that was chained inside me. From a deep sadness to a feeling of bubbling enthusiasm for the future. I was overwhelmed with tears. I had just given myself the permission. And it didn’t suck at all.

I realized that it was . . .

okay to not be perfect every single time
okay to take time off
okay to accept the highs and lows of your productivity
okay to love and hold your inner child

I understood the most important thing for me was not finishing everything on time, not producing exceptional work, not even prioritizing things—no.

The number one thing for me to do, as I realized in that moment, was to accept my present state of mind. After I did this, I was truly let free.

5 Ways of Coping with Stress

I am not going to pretend these methods will make you stress-free for life. But they will prove to be your armor against stress and help you minimize your everyday tension. If you’re looking for a once-and-for-all kind of solution, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Progress and stress tend to alternate like ebb and flow of life’s waves, so let’s just accept it before we move further, shall we?

In those two weeks of coping with stress, I employed some ways to gradually feel better. And I did.

Stress Coping Method #1: Banish the Media

It is not surprising—most of the negative information comes from various media.

I don’t ask that you completely disconnect from the external world or that you don’t stay abreast with the latest happenings around. But while you do so, remember that what sells is always what’s broadcasted.

Stay away from the toxicities of news. Choose what you’d like to feed your psyche and reject the rest. Be mindful while you engage with the media and consume information.

Stress Coping Method #2: Move Your Body

Life is movement. If you go beyond the atom level in a human body, you will find what remains is pure energy. And you will notice a beautiful movement in this energy. Our bodies are meant and made to move.

Make sure you exercise in regular doses—even 15 minutes of simple stretching exercise everyday will help you stay rejuvenated for hours. Also, make sure you take ample breaks from your home-office desk. Get up, drink a glass full of water, stretch and come back afresh!

Stress Coping Method #3: Don’t Panic

That morning I realized that even though I was blessed with a lot of loving people in my life, not everyone will choose to remain a part of my life forever. It’s harsh and gave me the shudders. But it was ultimately a truth.

Another truth I realized was that there was just one entity who will always be there for me—always. No strings attached. And that’s my inner self. In good times, and in bad, it is there to comfort me.

So what’s the point to panic? None. Whatever happens, always remember you are not alone. Don’t panic.

Stress Coping Method #4: Morning Rules

Being a work-from-home gal, I didn’t have any restrictions of waking up early. However, I noticed that no matter what time I woke up, there were some “morning no-no’s” that when followed led to a more peaceful and more clear state of mind. Some of the things I stopped doing first thing in the morning were:

Reading newspaper or watching TV
Worrying about what problems I have
Trying to be perfect
Check my email or facebook

Our brains are most receptive in mornings. It is therefore best to avoid the above items. In the same way, there are some morning routines I’ve started to do:

A 5-minute silence first thing I wake up
Being easy on myself
Having a proper breakfast
Treating myself well—jumping into shower with rich aroma oils that leave a lasting feel-good effect
Choosing a new place to write, like a café or my local library, if the desk doesn’t invite my creativity
Taking a walk in the park near my house

Stress Coping Method #5: Become Financially Aware

I left this for the end because I wanted to highlight the other stress coping methods more. Still, I cannot deny finance is one huge source of stress for many people.

Are you aware of your expenses? Do you do your own taxes? Even though you hire someone else to do them, do you understand the whole thing? Do you strive for a better and improved financial independence? Do you have a mental block when it comes to wealth?

Money has earned a bad name but it is important even though you have a great house, relationships and marriage. Lack of money is a stress accumulator. Therefore, it’s important we remain aware of our finances all the time.

~ ~ ~

I have one last thing to ask of you: Listen to your inner child when it is feeling low. Accept that stress is there and focus on dealing with it rather than on it. Once you give yourself the permission to feel bad, that too shall pass and everything will look brighter in the morning.

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About the Author

Pooja is a writer and editor residing in Melbourne, Australia. She is the rock-star Editor on our brother site Work Awesome. She is also on the team of editors for several Australian publications.

In March 2010, after fully awakening to her passion for writing and publishing, she left a successful software engineering career to pursue her love for writing.

Today, she works from home in her jammies, while enjoying a view of sunny Melbourne from her balcony. Read more about her at her blog– Of Parchments & Inks.

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Simplify Your Life

Cat Li Stevenson — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 20:25:18 +0000

Photo by Shannon

By Cat Li Stevenson

We’ve been deep-cleaning around the house lately: donating old clothes and getting rid of any extras that have been unused for sometime. In order to create ease with our daily routine, we’ve been simplifying our home and life.

My husband and I have a lot of random items from previous moves that we’ve been unable to shake – mainly sentiment that has spared numerous boxes of trinkets from our childhood or souvenirs from our travels.

But we honestly have no use for any of this stuff. They’re space-takers – they’re extras.

In an effort to simplify our life, we often turn to our material possessions: de-cluttering, donating, and organizing our space to create a sense of calm.

I imagine that one (or more) of the below may be true for each of us:

We feel the burden of too much stuff.
We bought a material item for temporary happiness.
We own big-ticket possessions — the home, the car, or the debt for whatever else — that we spend much of our time and energy working for.

I’m in whole-hearted agreement that the collection of materialism can have a nagging tendency to feel overwhelming at times.

Simplifying, on a life-scale, can seem like a daunting task— but I’m here to offer some good news:

We don’t have to reject all consumerism, move to a remote island, or follow a strict Zen routine in order to experience the inner peace that comes with simple living.

We can start now – this very moment – with all the daily extras we carry around with us.

Beyond physical clutter, most of us carry accumulated stuff with us each day – mentally.

Today, we can start getting rid of those extras:

The constant rushing through errands, conversations, and stop lights in order to get to the next moment – that’s extra.
The questioning of our intuition and straying from our values for temporary fulfillment – that’s extra.
The replaying of our busy, all-consuming to-do list throughout the day – that’s extra.
The long-winded lecture that accompanied the request of our significant other to put the toilet seat down – that’s extra.
The justifying excuse about why we didn’t fulfill a commitment – that’s extra.
The woulda-coulda-shoulda self-talk about the interview for a prospective job that happened a few hours ago – that’s extra.
The split attention of back-and-forth text messaging, while playing with our child– that’s extra.

The grasping for external diversions to distract us of what needs to be addressed internally – that’s extra.
The checking of emails sporadically throughout the day, while supposedly focusing on an important deadline – that’s extra.
The saying yes to a commitment, event, project, happy hour, baby shower when our schedule is already overbooked– that’s extra.
The all-consuming plan for the future that robs us of what we are doing now – that’s extra.
The agonizing over the piece of cake we managed to scarf down (oops!) hours earlier in the day – even that is extra.

We crowd our mind with extras each day – harmful self-talks, incessant worrying, attention-comprising multi-tasking, unnecessary busyness – that muffle the simplicity we can be experiencing right now.

If we did not carry the extras of mental clutter…

We could begin to uncover the bliss of inner peace. We could show up, wholly, in everything that we do, deepening our connection to both ourselves and with others because we’re fully present with our attention.

Simply Your Life By Simplifying the Mind

The de-cluttering of a home may appear easier to navigate than the inner-world of mental and emotional clutter. But the two are not so different: just as with our physical world, we can begin to organize our inner-environment by creating space.

Here are a few ideas on where to begin:

Listen to your inner wisdom. What is speaking to you about the lack of clarity at this moment? Observe what is asking for your attention – then proceed to address, accept, forgive, or simply let go to create room for clarity.

Revisit and reconnect with your values. Discard all the commitments that do not serve your higher intents. Life is too precious to settle for a compromised scheduled; live each day aligned to your purpose.

Become aware of a recurring fear-based thought that may create clutter, anxiety or an overwhelming feeling– replace it with an empowering affirmation. For example, perhaps you often worry about tight finances. An affirmation to replace a negative thought of not having enough money could be: “I am prosperous, I am secure, and I am surrounded by an abundance of financial opportunity.”
Journal to detoxify on what’s going on inside. Allow the release of emotions onto a piece of paper to become a routine cleansing. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for constant clarity. So often we become stuck in a rut of mental exhaustion because we haven’t given ourselves the opportunity to release. Stay connected with your emotional and mental well-being by integrating journaling into your daily routine.

Begin a meditation practice for 20 minutes each day to sweep the mental barriers clean. Meditation is a sanctuary for a busy mind to relax.

Account for the overdue commitments, bills, and errands by purging them all onto a calendar with due dates. Many tasks only require a small, dedicated amount of time to complete; yet, it’s often easy to compound the urgency or difficulty by replaying the list over and over.The intent of putting these to-do’s on a calendar is to liberate our attention, and allow us to return to the present.

When we remove all the extras by creating more space…

We will begin to feel the simplicity of living each moment as it is meant to be.

We can freely bask in the awareness of being alive.

We are happier and lighter.

What inner wisdom kicks in for you when you’re faced with a lot to do?

What good habits can you share that cultivate a clutter-free mind that allows for simple living?

What can you do – today — to make space for clarity that will contribute to your well-being?

*Share your thoughts and wisdom with us in the comment section. See you there. :)

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Cat is an idealist that finds meaning and inspiration in all dynamics of her day – the strangers that become new friends, the synchron-destiny that reveals a little about the mysteries of life, the self-discovery, laughter, and transformations that happens on this adventurous journey.

For her day job, Cat is a corporate banker, real estate agent, and nutrition coach. She embraces mind-body wellness; waking up before sunrise for yoga & meditation and closing the evening with a jog with her best running buddy – her super-fit hubby, who was also her high-school sweetheart.

* Click here to read all articles written by Cat.

Blessing in Disguise – Finding the Light

nadia — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 01:33:03 +0000

Photo by Federico Erra

By Nadia Ballas-Ruta

About two weeks ago, I uttered a sentence that I never thought I would hear myself say. I was talking to my husband and the following words came out of my mouth:

“You know, I have reached the conclusion that I am really happy I had a horrible childhood.”

As soon as I said that, there was silence.

My husband was surprised because for years he has only heard me complain that my childhood was “bad” and I was even more surprised because for years I viewed my childhood through a negative lens.

We all have parts of our lives that we are not exactly proud of or we may even wish to ignore certain aspects of our past in the hopes that by ignoring them we delete their existence. Often we look at these painful events as being bad things or even curses. I talk from experience.

For many years, I used to be in denial of my childhood. I didn’t have a great childhood and I used to be ashamed about it. I thought it made me flawed. I thought it made me a failure. I thought that if people knew about it, they would stop liking me. Sounds insane, right? But that is what fear thrives on…the lack of logic.

For the record, it is important to note that what made my childhood “bad” was the neighborhood which I grew up in. My parents loved me and took really great care of me. However, the minute I stepped out of the house, it was war. Sounds dramatic, I know, but it is true.

My parents immigrated to the United States long before I was born. They were in pursuit of the American dream and they believed that in order to fully be American, you had to integrate with American society. So my parents moved into a typical American neighborhood. We were the only ethnic family around. To say we stuck out is an understatement.

When I went to kindergarten I discovered the concept of racism. I had a funny name, tanned skin, immigrant parents and to top off the situation, I had a birth defect (which was corrected at age 9). These were enough reasons for me to be tortured every single day by my fellow classmates.

Being that I was the first in my family to be born in America, I had no one to show me the customs. I had to learn them on my own and often the customs were at odds with the customs that my parents were familiar with. For example, in America, to speak loudly is a sign of confidence. In my parent’s culture, you don’t do that because it is considered to be arrogant and so you speak softly.

In America, kids easily talk back to their parents. I remember one time hearing a kid curse at their mother and the mother did nothing. That blew my mind because

in my parent’s culture, to raise your voice at someone older is showing disrespect.

Going to school and going home was often like crossing borders of two different countries and each country made sense when you looked at it from their perspective.

By the time I was a teenager, more ethnic families had moved into the neighborhood and people were becoming more tolerant. Many of the people who gave me problems moved out.

So my life became a whole lot better. I still had to learn more American customs but I was having an easier time figuring things out.

Despite the fact that things became easier, I still felt ashamed about my childhood. I never have been able to talk about those times with joy. I see people talk about their childhood with nostalgia and I cannot relate. There are parts of my childhood that are blanked out from my memory due to the pain of what happened.

Someone once told me that my psyche did that in order to cope. I think they were right. When you have been traumatized, you find a way to cope and denial is a very powerful form of coping. However, the denial eventually catches up with you and you are forced to face the reality of what you are denying.

That happened to me a while ago and initially it scared me. I did not want to look at that part of my life. It was really painful but I came to see my fear as an illusion. Because as I looked at that part of my life, I came to see how it made me who I am and I love being me.

You see…things happen to us for various reasons. Some can be explained and some cannot. I may never fully know why I had to have such a painful childhood and I am cool with that. I realized that it made me tough. It made me do things which ended up changing my life for the better. It made me driven. It made me yearn for justice.

Yes, those times did make me angry for many years but eventually I realized that I did not want to become closed hearted like the people who picked on me. I could either surpass them by opening my heart or become paralyzed with anger and fear. I chose to open my heart.

It was not easy because I had a lot of issues to work through but the point of this post is to show you that often the things that cause us much pain are the events which offer us a choice: rise above the muck or succumb to pain.

Every single one of us has a choice to take our story and turn it into something poetic. It does not require physical strength but it does require the ability to read in between the lines and realize that each event holds an opportunity for mastery. Perhaps, the event presented in front of us was a blessing in disguise to teach us something new.

To waste time trying to find the reasons for why bad things happen just keep you stuck. People can be cruel. That is a fact but it does not mean you should allow them to control the rest of your life.

Natural pearls are made out of a parasite or grain of sand that finds its way inside the oyster. Take the parasites or grains of sand that have been thrown at you throughout your life and turn them into pearls. If an oyster can do it, so can you. For you are far more powerful and intelligent than an oyster. (No offense to any oysters that may be reading this post.)

—

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About the Author:

Nadia is the VP of Spirituality on Think Simple Now. Nadia has worn many hats in her short life. She used to be an image consultant, political campaign writer and attorney. Writing and photography are her passions. Through her writing, she intents to help people see how Divine they truly are.

* Click here to read all articles written by Nadia.

How to Bounce Back When Life Gets Hard?

Tamara — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 08:58:34 +0000

Photo by Shannon

Editor’s Note: This is one of the most beautiful piece of writing. I recommend reading it. I hope that you find wisdom, clarity and inspiration through Tamara’s story. Adapted from this original article.

Guest Post By Tamara Kerner

I make it a rule to never take advice from someone who hasn’t “been there”. So I’ll tell you what happened for me, and then I’ll tell you what I did to bounce back while navigating through my own tunnel of hell.

Have you ever gone through a complete life overhaul? How do you deal with it? If you know what I mean, you’d agree that such events are far and few in between—but yet, the most impactful ones seem to happen when your life has hit rock bottom.

I urge you to think about it: What if you lost everything you have today? What would keep you going on? Would you give up? Would you hold on to that tiny light at the end of the tunnel, which perhaps you can’t even see?

It sounds harsh but I don’t mean to be so. Often times, we take our lives and the little moments of happiness for granted. It is only when we are snatched of those things that we realize the value of everything while at the same time learning to live without them.

My Story

During a 30-day period, 4 years ago, I lost everything: money, love, health, a baby, pets, security and self-pride.

My boyfriend at the time broke up with me while I stood holding the still dripping, positive pregnancy pee stick. His response to having a baby with me was to end our relationship and to share with me that he hoped to tile his kitchen that summer and travel.

I lost the baby after 8.5 weeks and suffered from an extreme crash in hormones. Being in my early 40?s, I knew this was probably the last chance to have a child. My body was a mess and my head was scrambled with hormones.

To make matters worse, two days after losing the baby I understood that my bank accounts had been emptied.

I stood there blinking at the ATM screen on that early July morning: Balance: $0.

I was left with 40 cents in my pocket.

Someone with revenge in their heart sued me out-of-state and due to a loop-hole in the serving process, I never received notice and didn’t show up to defend myself.

When you don’t show up it’s as though you’re admitting guilt and a judgment is issued. Being lax in checking my mail because I had no real bills coming in, other than utilities; these notices of judgment mixed in with “We’re garnishing your accounts” sat unread in my lock box for four weeks.

In those four weeks, every dime I had from every account was emptied.

A week later, I was faced with putting my 16 year old pet down, only to be followed by the rapid decline of my other 15 year old pet 10 days later. If you’re like me, pets are family. This was a loss beyond words.

With no money, a huge judgment and $700 in credit card debt, I had to declare bankruptcy. An attorney said I could fight it; but I had no money to even try.

For the first time, I was face to face with shame and embarrassment. Now, I was one of “those” irresponsible people I had previously judged who declared bankruptcy.

My health was shot, my mind was a mess, my heart was broken and I had 40 cents to my name. My father died years ago and I had been the one helping my mother financially. I was, in my own words, “someone lost and without backup”.

In ancient cultures, The Dark Night of the Soul (book) was understood as a time of transformation. A time when your personal strength was tested and the knowledge you’ve gained over the first half of your life is called out and hopefully utilized.

In our culture, it’s considered a mid-life crisis. We get face-lifts and sports cars. Couples run away from other couples divorcing, neighbors turn their head as houses go into foreclosure, and fair-weather friends back away quickly. Rather than an opportunity to be the phoenix in rising, we’re viewed as contagious drama.

Instead of showing a support and wise elders lending their ears, people in this culture back away and we are left to suffer alone with shame.

In my case, only a small handful of people knew, while most thought I have suddenly gone nuts. In the past I had been the person whom others leaned on for advice and even financial help. Now I was left with nothing. I was an empty vessel without a financially secure family to lean on for support. I looked like hell and felt worse.

When I woke in the morning, I wasn’t sure what to mourn. The relationship or the baby? My pets or my financial security? My health or the fact I could be homeless in a week? FYI: My biggest fear in life had been ending up on the streets without support—irrational but at this time, a reality.

I can tell you that the grip of your biggest fear in the face of utter despair is a cold sharp knife that cuts deeply. But it is only then that you come to grips with . . . life. And eventually you bounce back to a place of happiness and peace, even in the face of adversity and setbacks.

My Bounce Back to Life: 7 Lessons

What I know for sure is that if you’ve always been the strong one, there is a lot of growth that comes from asking for help. I got to know who my real friends were and that I was loveable even when I wasn’t perfect. Had it gotten to the point of my moving in with family or friends, I know there would have been growth from that time too.

Perhaps healing with family happens when someone has to move home, as humbling as that may look in the moment.

Lesson 1: Materialistic Goals Aren’t All that Matter

The thought of selling everything and starting over was, in a tiny way, liberating. I hear of people that after losing their homes and selling most everything feel free in a way they had never known. My biggest fear was losing my remaining two pets if I had to couch surf for a while.

I was so embarrassed that I held my secrets and pain inside for the most part. I would meet friends for dinner and pretend that I wasn’t hungry, since I had no money to spend. When the hormonal imbalance would kick in and I would tear up, I would pretend that my contacts were bothering me and run to the bathroom.

Finally, I realized that nothing material mattered.

Lesson 2: Angels Exist in Human Form

While passing through the tunnel of hell during my recovery to bounce back, I figured which people truly cared and were in tune with my subtle changes. Luckily for me, a friend handed me some cash—unsolicited– to help me get by while I got my head on straight. The generosity of this person rocked my world in a way that left me forever changed.

I realized the phrase “While you may only be one person in this world, you may be the world to one person” personally. In other words, I revived my belief in humanity.

Lesson 3: Miracles Are All Around

On a business level, I’m required to be clear and strong as I coach high-leveled executives on the next step in their career and life—ironic eh?

You can’t be broken and effective at the same time; yet I did take the phrase “fake it till you make it” by heart. By faking my strength, even my smile, I slowly felt both again.

I witnessed the miracle of the universe all around me. Suddenly those cereal boxes that came free in my Sunday paper were valuable. Toothpaste samples at the grocery store were cherished and I learned to turn the shampoo bottle upside down to get every last drop. I would go to the pet food store just to “look around” and grab a few of the free samples for my dog.

Lesson 4: Learned Minimalism

With that cash in hand from my friend, I was able to cover my rent long enough to start billing in my business again; but extras weren’t available. Gone were the monthly hair salon trips, out with the extras like cable, Internet, and dog treats.

I slowly learned how wasteful I had been in my life with food, clothing, and coffee shop stops. There was no money for anything other than college-grade food.

I rode my bike a lot that summer not having the money for gas. I reasoned with the bank’s car loan and my insurance agent for reduced monthly payments.

I taught myself to negotiate payments for utilities and witnessed the kindness of customer service agents when you admit your defeat. Most of all, I gathered that if you’re willing to work with them in some way, people will help you get by on your payments and your life.

Lesson 5: Learned Positivity

Each morning I forced myself to think of three things I was grateful for before letting my feet hit the carpet next to my bed. If I didn’t do this, I would begin my day in the depressed way I had ended the day before.

Soon I started doing this before bed and found that my days got easier. When the magnitude of my situation would hit midday and I would start to crash; I would force myself to get outside, go for a walk and notice something beautiful. When life is bleak, even the smallest things like the song of a bird or the color of the sky can jar you up a notch.

Every morning before starting my work day, I would force myself to listen to or read something inspirational. I couldn’t control the world around me, but I could direct my emotions.

Yes I cried a lot, but I would balance those moments with what I was grateful for and kept moving towards what I wanted—to bounce back to some stability again.

Lesson 6: Clarity from Self-Observation

I learned to watch my emotional state like a hawk.

If I felt desperate and scared, I would imagine my worst-case scenario…worst case I would loan my dog and my cat to people I trusted and couch surf. Worst case I would go on meds. Worst case I would ask a friend if I could share dinner with them.

Once I knew my worst-case scenario, I was able to relax a tiny bit and then I would focus on what I was grateful for… When life blows up there is a crystal clarity that occurs.

All of the issues that you’ve been hiding behind with your job or your money or your relationship are out there in the open. I have clients who lose their jobs and realize that their marriage has been broken for years; knowledge that was just hidden behind frequent business trips.

Lesson 7: Focus on the Now

I also learned that once the blow-up occurs and you share it with those close to you, it’s important to not keep telling your sad story.

If you do, that’s what you end up focusing on and it’s easy to feel like a victim. Much better to focus on where you’re going and put your energy into moving forward. This is the biggest mistake I see clients make—telling the same sad story, over and over.

For me the hardest part was laying in bed, alone, during the middle of the night, drenched in fear. As I laid awake in terror, I learned to pray for help and learned to meditate so I could hear the answer. I tried to be as much in the now as possible.

Most of all, I learned that when we’re broken, we’re really just broken open. We are a seed that sits in the dark, damp earth waiting for spring. We alone decide in which direction to send our sprout once the season has turned.

* What do you think? What are some thoughts crossing your mind at this moment? What are some things you realized while reading this? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section.

About the Author

Tamara Kerner considers herself a yoga newbie even though she’s been practicing yoga for over a decade. She figures that whether she’s stepping out of her front door or onto her yoga mat; it’s a new day. A feng shui master and life coach that views the world through a different lense, Tamara believes that it’s the little things that make our life beautiful. She writes about it all on her blog Daily Transformations while living happily in Boulder, Colorado with her dog Bella, 2 cats, 3 bikes, 2 yoga mats and a garage filled with gear. Find her page on Facebook.

What Is The Meaning Of Life?

Tina Su — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 20:07:07 +0000

Photo by Simon Pais

By Tina Su

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the meaning of life and the impermanent nature of it all. Observing how we do what we do, the struggles we put ourselves through, the drama, the pain and the suffering.

While thoughts about life, death and purpose drift in and out of my consciousness on a regular basis, the seed of this post was planted, when Pooja sent me a link to “The Last Post” by Derek Miller.

I was just getting on a flight when I opened that link on my phone, and by the time I had finished reading it, tears were streaming down. I spent the rest of that flight, and weekend reflecting on the meaning of life.

“What is the point of life, when we come to the end?” I wondered.

I mean, when I look around, I see a lot of struggling—in my own life and in the lives of others. It seems like, even though there’s an abundance of goodness in our lives, the prevalent theme seems to be this struggle to find balance, peace and happiness.

“What is the meaning of it all? What is the purpose of life?” I asked silently in the privacy of my thoughts.

I pondered this as I sat uncomfortably in the middle seat, squished between my husband on my right—who was napping in the aisle seat—and an annoying guy to my left—who was playing a distracting driving game, in which his iPad was used as the steering wheel, causing him to move wildly about his seat.

I looked away towards the empty space along the aisle to my right, so that my distracting neighbor was no longer in my peripheral. I reflected on my own experiences—particularly my own “blind” chase towards a more promising tomorrow.

Personal Reflections

“All this chasing for what?” I asked myself.

I race and I chase, all so that I can make more money, have more success, be more attractive, and hopefully be happier in some distant future when I’ve hit some superficial and randomly selected target.

But will that day ever arrive? You and I both know how this game goes: the wanting for more never ends; and happiness will always (unless we intervene) appear to be just a reach away, in “some day” land, when we’ve finished this project or have reached that goal.

We stride through life as if we will live forever. We treat time as a cheap commodity that we blindly waste. We become consumed by negativity. We hide behind victim stories.

We get stuck in jobs and relationships that we dislike. We distract ourselves with the noise of media and other people’s opinions. We compete over beauty, status and owning stuff. We buy into the empty promises of cosmetics and luxury products—all of which are illusions fabricated by marketers.

Unable to forgive, we hold on to the pain and we blame people, things, and circumstances for our unhappiness. We surround ourselves with anxiety, stress and depression. Failing to recognize that these “dis-eases” and uncomfortable emotions are our soul’s way of saying, “Wake up! It’s time for a change, baby. This isn’t working.”

We give up our dreams, our art, our purpose, and trade our lives in exchange for money so that we can make a living. While making money to sustain our needs is inevitable, in the making of a living we sometimes forget our unique gifts, we temporarily lose touch with the enormity of our inner being, and we distance ourselves from the confidence of our unique expressions.

In a race to survive, we become mentally paralyzed—like a dove whose wings have been clipped and soon forgets that she can fly.

It’s all so exhausting.

It’s overwhelming.

There’s no end to the madness of chasing.

So many of us rush though life in this way, oblivious to the preciousness of whom we are and unaware of the beauty, wealth, abundance, love & opportunities that surrounds us.

And before we know it, the sands of our hourglass run out, and we face the end of our brief existence on this planet—unfulfilled and regretful for all that we’ve missed.

I know this may sound harsh, and it is. Viewing how we live in its blunt, naked candor can feel rough around the edges. Truth stings. At the same time, we can use this emotionally charged observation to our advantage—to inspire us and to move us such that we begin to live differently.

Derek Miller’s last Blog post is a gift for us. He reminds us of the impermanency of our human existence, and the preciousness of the time we have as living, breathing, creative beings.

It’s time to restructure (at least for me and my family) our lives. It’s time to restructure how we live, how we prioritize, how we contribute, and how we can live more fully in the precious moments we are blessed with.

Just now, as I type this, my husband came home after having taken our son to the park so that I could write this post. He opened my office door, and said, “Go see mama.” My son (18 months old) ran into my office with a smile so big that I was instantly love struck. The love my little boy radiated filled up the room.

Little Ryan charged into my arms at full speed. His little legs wrapped around my waist. His little hands draped around my neck. We hugged. I picked him up and said, “Oh, I love you booboo. Thank you for the hug.”

In that moment, I understood…

Perhaps, the only thing that matters is love.
Perhaps, all the chasing we do is just misdirected energy.
Perhaps, all the stress is unnecessary.
Perhaps, we are making life a lot more complicated than it needs to be.
Perhaps, it’s possible (and necessary) to forgive and to let go of our painful past.

Perhaps, there’s an easier route to happiness—by focusing on doing good work, contributing value to society, sharing joyful experiences with people we like, and remembering to slow down to savor the moments.

The Meaning of Life

So what is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of life?

I don’t think any single answer can be ubiquitously shared and be applicable for everyone. So I’ll answer for myself, from my current state of understanding.

I think the meaning of life is what ever meaning we give it—and we can literally give it any meaning that “feels right” to us. There’s a blank canvas in front of you. You are the artist of your life, and you are free to paint any picture that pleases you—and change it at any time for that matter.

What “feels right” to you? What do you want your life to mean? What do you want your life to be about?

I think the purpose of life is to discover what makes you happy, and then go do more of it. The most interesting answer I’ve heard to “What is the purpose of life?” came from my husband. He said:

“The purpose of life is to do what makes you come a live. When you stop, you die.”

For me, the answer is simple: (in addition to my family) learning and sharing about empowering topics—like all the content on his site—is on the top of that list.

So, what makes you come alive?

Parting Words on Life Meaning

I wrote and re-wrote this article over the past 4 weeks–cutting more than half the content down to the essentials. The point of this article can be summarized by the following:

Life is short.

Life is precious.

What are you dreaming about? Go do it. Go make it happen. Go do it despite fear and doubt and the opinions of others. Go do it, because it makes you happy. Go do it, because it makes you come alive.

Who are you holding a grudge against? Decide to forgive them, today, right now. Decide that you will heal, and decide to tell a different story. Give yourself permission to be free, because you are.

Where do you want to visit? Start planning for it, even if you don’t yet have the money. Keep moving in that direction, and I promise you that you will find a way.

Who do you love? When you’re with them, give them your full attention. Create the time and space to connect with them. Put love at the top of your list.

In the end, love is all that matters. Love for our selves, for other people, for our work, for all the unique experiences of life.

Life is simple, but we insist on making it complicated. Let’s make it simple again, by focusing on what matters.

–Tina
June 13, 2011 Seattle, USA
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Discover You Now (NEW)

My first in-depth writing is done. I’m working on the details for a public launch. It will be released on very soon.

The digital guide is Discover You Now. The guide was originally intended to be an expanded edition of the article “Life on Purpose: 15 questions to discover your personal mission”. The guide will walk you through the exact process I personally use to:

Find your life purpose
Create your personal mission statement
Discover your deepest values
Overcome your fears
Discover how to make a living with your passions
Achieve any goal
Complete any project

Additionally, the guide will come with over $90 worth of bonuses.

If you’ve connected with any of my writing, you will likely enjoy this. The guide is a digital workshop, where you will learn a lot about yourself. The limited-time pre-release price is $27 (After public release, this price will go up).

If you’d like to support me, please order the guide by clicking on the pink button below. You’ll be the first to receive the digital guide. Click here:

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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Think Simple Now » clarity

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A New Approach to Goals

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Using Your Theme

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How to Bounce Back When Life Gets Hard?

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My Bounce Back to Life: 7 Lessons

Lesson 1: Materialistic Goals Aren’t All that Matter

Lesson 2: Angels Exist in Human Form

Lesson 3: Miracles Are All Around

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Lesson 6: Clarity from Self-Observation

Lesson 7: Focus on the Now

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