Think Simple Now » happiness

Finding Myself: Why I’m Quitting My Job

Cat Li Stevenson — Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:22 +0000

Editor’s Note: This is the 3rd version of an intimate and insightful story from Cat. I highly recommend reading it. I hope something in this speaks to you as it has for me. And before you go, please help me wish Cat a beautiful journey in this new life chapter by leaving a quick comment at the end of this article.

By Cat Li Stevenson

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards.
They try to have more of what they want so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You first must be who you are, then love what you do,
in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young

I started my banking career 10 years ago out of convenience.

“My mom had worked in the industry, banking appears to be a respectable living, and I like money.”— That was the entirety of the thought process behind my career choice.

With a secure paycheck and material comfort as my guiding life force, I would spend most of my 20’s crafting my external life.

In the chase of social status, I would tone my body and count calories to exhaustion, obsessively furnish a home with all things Crate & Barrel, plan an early retirement by closely monitoring my 401K, take great trips (and then update them to Facebook immediately), as a recognizable reward for living a good life.

I have a nice car, two beautiful homes, and a cushy career. Between my banking job and a real estate gig as a part-time Agent, I was making a healthy living.

At 29, I have achieved all the material goals I could possibly want. The tradeoff for this lifestyle: most of my waking hours working for stuff that brought more stress and debt than joy and ease.

This truth emerged: well-having and well-being are not synonymous. Stuff and external achievement do not equate to happiness and inner fulfillment.

In recent years, a recurring restlessness came on strong – a motion sickness, of sorts, from an unconscious ferris-wheel routine.

I felt stuck.

I did have it backwards.

Back to banking, convenience, the achievement-based chase …

On June 1^st, I’m quitting my Commercial Banking job. I’ll be reorienting my focus from external to internal.

Four days to follow, on June 5^th, my husband and I will take a 12-hour drive from Phoenix up the coast of California to begin six months of dedicated mindfulness training at two Zen Centers.

This will kick-off a one-year dedication to fully invest in growth of three areas:

Wisdom and wellness – through work/practice at two Zen Centers
Personal development – will read many books and self-educate during spare time
Compassion – will go overseas and serve a charity.

This is a tribute to living forward.

Finding Courage to Leave My Job

Photo by Eduardoizq

“Once in awhile it really hits people that
they don’t have to experience the world they have been told to.”
~ Alan Keightley

The courage to arrive at a resignation letter and the hatching of purpose-driven plans did not come over night. It began four years ago with introspection, valuable guidance, and exploring income streams outside of my banking job.

My work commute and evenings became a full on churning of teachings attributed to more consciousness. In the process, I saw that the way I had chosen to live – for the love of security in the corporate world – wasn’t the only way.

Here is a list of inspirational activities and resources that broadened my awareness:

Read many books. Top six favorites: Think and Grow Rich, Today Matters, The Four Agreements, The Power of Now, The Big Leap, The Magic of Thinking Big.
Listened to motivational talks. I have a lengthy commute to work, and have utilized this car time to tune into motivational talks – inspiring podcasts, TedTalks, audio books of favorite authors.
Traveled and retreated. Traveling to many different places (in and out of the country) and attending retreats provides for fresh perspective. So often, our most resonant moments appear from venturing out and immersing in a new way of seeing.
Self-discovery exercises to facilitate a deeper self understanding. Two tools: personality Jung & Briggs Myers test (I’m in INFJ and so is Tina – what are you?) and a great worksheet to explore personal values.
Surrounded myself with mentors, conferences, friends, websites, and role models. Annual conference I attend: Wisdom 2.0; Dharma Talk I follow: Gil Fronsdal; Blogs I follow: Zen Habits, Tiny Buddha, Mind Body Green & Think Simple Now (of course); Meditation teachings I follow: Sarah McLean
Explored supplementary income during evenings and weekends, outside of my 9 to 5. I freelance wrote and started a real estate business.
Identified activities that brought me peace. I love rising at dawn, coffee and writing at cafes, listening to beautiful music. Intentionally making space for activities that bring calm is crucial to nurturing growth, clarity and creativity.
Breathed. Prayed. Did a lot of yoga, long walks, jogs, and journaling. Holistic practices and a daily routine of healthy habits are oxygen for my inner strength.

Takeaway #1:

Our daily growth and ability to tap into our inner wisdom is crucial to who we become.

Our environment – who we choose to surround ourselves with – cultivates our mindset.

And self-awareness is the start of untangling ourselves from the limiting beliefs, societal conditionings, and old habitual patterns that prevent us from living the most extraordinary life.

Economic Changes that Took Place

Photo by Moaan

“Things are thieves of time.” ~ Nathan Gardels

I recently heard this quote … and man, it’s so true! Here are the two strategic steps that took place over the past seven months to actualize leaving our jobs for a year.

1. Simplify Living Conditions

Leased out the two homes we own
Donated most of our furnishings (that previously filled a 5 bedroom, 2,600 square foot home)
Sent two dozen bags of clothes to Goodwill.
Had a garage sale for all remaining things
Got a PO BOX, as we will not have a a permanent physical address for a year
Sold one car
Went paperless: simplified the entire home office – I scanned all pertinent documents (tax returns, business documents, real estate leases, legal paperwork) into electronic files. Then, I saved them all onto an external hard drive. This makes being out-of-state/out-of-country very convenient.
Shrank ‘stuff’ so that step #2 would be easy to manage.

Outside of the basic essentials, after three months of minimizing down to nearly nothing, I realized there are only seven things I need for my well-being: vitamins, journal, coffee, music, laptop, a space (for yoga/meditating/writing), running shoes.

2. Get the Finances in Check

Took a giant chainsaw to discretionary expenses: got rid of everything outside of necessities – cable, the landscaper, lavish nights out, clothes, overpriced Whole Foods snacks.
Paid off credit card debts

Automated finances: all bill payments are on auto-debit and electronic statements that auto-filter into a “bills” folder in my email.
Created a detailed budget and projection for financial goals.
Revisited the budget weekly to track savings.
Set the corporate resignation date based off of savings goals.
Saved enough for one year’s expenses.

Takeaway #2:

A life heavy with stuff is distracting – it’s a complicated lifestyle that pulls us from spending time doing what we enjoy with who we love. We think we’re living, but we’re really dancing around in a circle of material upkeep.

Whether you’re leaving your job or not, I encourage you to simplify your material life (home, debt, finances) and you’ll notice a feeling of lightness and mobility– it’s freeing … like a deep exhale. You’ll find freedom in your ability to do more of what you want, when you want.

Be Who You Are (First)

Photo by Lauren Rosenbaum

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Ghandi

This post is not to motivate you to quit your job (jobs aren’t bad). What is bad: living a knock-off version of who we are, shrinking our dreams, our quality of life and contributions to fit a tiny small-self mold.

Take an inner dive and practice listening to your intuition. Get to know who you are.

Instead of shuffling around a collection of stuff in the garage or maintaining a large lawn on the weekend, can you deliberately simplify your living conditions so you have more energy to do what you enjoy? Can you more frequently shift your attention inward — to connect – versus outward to distract?

Make space. Find activities in your life to expand your awareness and the feeling of inner peace.

Instead of spending evenings at happy hour talking about the cubicle slavery of a 9 to 5, can you invest in a new hobby? Brainstorm bigger possibilities? Surround yourself with passionate people who are loving life? Or find a mentor who can offer guidance?

Take action now – try new things, make mistakes, imagine possibilities, follow your heart and gut. The insights will ultimately appear.

Love What You Do (Secondly)

Let all of the external noise go. Become more conscious by attuning to your inner wholeness.

The inspiration and courage to “love what you do” will organically unfold as a by-product of being connected to yourself. Perhaps then, that will translate into quitting your job to pursue a deep-seeded passion. Or perhaps you may simply awaken to the life you’re already living now—and find it to be already perfect.

At the core, each of us is already beautifully complete. We just need to reorient ourselves back to that place.

Parting Wish & Takeaway #3:

May you be who you are. And the rest will follow.

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How to Lose Weight Fast

Tina Su — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 00:00:03 +0000

Photo by JUCO

Editor’s Note: This article details my recent adventure into how to lose weight fast. Even if you are not interested in losing weight, check it out. There are some useful thoughts on the power of self image embedded within.

By Tina Su

“Losing weight is hard.” ~me
“Anything worth having in life is hard.” ~my husband

I admit it. I am not the most active person. I sit for more than 8 hours a day, and actually prefer to sit than stand, and drive rather than walk. To say that I am adverse to exercise is an understatement. In fact, the last time I visited a gym was over three years ago, for a burst of about 5 days, around New Years.

I always took for granted the gift of my tiny frame, Asian genes and fast metabolism. I was, for most of my life, naturally skinny. To the outside, my body gave the illusion that I was fit.

My mom used to say, “You should do sit ups. Otherwise, it’ll catch up with you after you have a baby” or “You should go jogging. Otherwise, it’ll catch up with you after you turn 30.” And each time, I would ignore her and wave her off in complete annoyance, while saying or thinking “Whatever. I don’t care”.

You know what annoys me more than anything?

… when that rebellious part of you learns that your mother was right. Arrggggh!!

Anyway, fast track to now. I’m in my thirties. I’ve had a baby. Most of my energy is spent on my business while seated like a sack of flour for hours at a time. I eat when I am extremely hungry and I eat whatever I want.

And what do ya know? I’ve learned that my mother was right, and the advice I’ve ignored for more than a decade is true: your metabolism slows the heck down in your thirties. *Gasp*

So here I sit, 20 pounds heavier than my teenage prime, and 15 pounds heavier than when I met my husband.

What’s interesting to note is that the actual weight sometimes isn’t what bothers us. (although, too much weight can cause serious health problems).

The problem is how we interpret it. How it affects our self-image (aka how we view ourselves). Strangers who see me wouldn’t think I am over-weight, but internally, in the privacy of my mind, I feel like an elephant. I feel gross. “You’re so fat and ugly,” is what my internal dialog usually repeats.

You see, our self-image affects everything that we do and creates the reality of our experience.

For the past year or so, I saw myself as “fat”. I would jokingly rub my (now larger) abdominal region and comment, “Don’t I look pregnant?” Whenever a fat joke came up, I would respond and somehow integrate myself into the joke. “I’m fat. I’m fat. I’m fat.” is what was repeated, like a broken record, in my mind.

Jokes or not, I started to identify with that image of an over-weight person. Like an insidious disease, it started to spread in the subconscious of my being and became the foundation for how I lived in the last year.

Because I felt gross about myself, I started to behave differently: I wore baggy clothes, sometimes I would wear pajamas to the office, I repeatedly wore one pair of jeans (my fat jeans, the only ones that fit), I stopped wearing any makeup, I stopped taking care of myself, my libido went down. I just felt gross and ugly, and this transfused into my external reality.

And you know what happened? I gained more weight!

I knew I should do something about it, and have been wanting to since the start of this year. You and I both know what happen to should: it gets added to your pile of shoulds, where thousands of others shoulds live. None of which will likely get looked at again.

Besides, my brain is just too quick and clever at coming up with excuses.

I know I should exercise. But I hate to exercise.
I sort of like jogging, maybe I should start jogging. But I’m in Seattle. It sucks to jog in the wet, cold darkness. We should move to California, so I can go jogging outside everyday.
I should go to the gym with Jeremy (my husband), but I’m busy. I’ll get to it when I’m not so busy.
I should go on a diet, but I’ve tried to cut out my morning bagel and I’m still fat.
I should track my intake of food calories, but that’s too hard and too much work.

How I Started to Lose Weight

Photo by JUCO

Between my personal struggle with weight and my learning about the importance of self-image, (via this incredible and highly recommended book Psycho Cybernetics) something clicked. I wanted to change my self-image and how I felt about myself. I didn’t want to see myself as “fat and ugly” anymore. This was my inspiration for losing weight.

Last weekend, Jeremy was poking around in some new iPhone app he got. Jeremy does weight training and has weight gaining goals. Because tracking caloric intake is important, he’s been on the hunt for tools because he was struggling with gaining lean muscle weight.

He then excitedly showed me how easy it is to track food calories and exercise and other fitness & dieting goals with his new app. The app is called MyNetDiary—online food diary and exercise log– and has a database of over 430,000 food items so you can quickly enter what you’ve eaten and track calories. It has a barcode scanner, so you can scan the packaging of food you’ve consumed and add nutritional info to your daily food diary in a few seconds. Woah!

(And no – no one is paying me to say that. They don’t even know who I am. I’m just a raving fan of a truly exceptional and useful product.)

You can enter your current weight, body profile, dieting goal and target date, and it will give you a plan with your daily allowed/required caloric intake. It will then measure against this daily goal with your food diary. Incredible.

The paid version (there’s also a free version) of the iPhone app also has a water tracker, so you can record how much water you’re drinking. For $4, the app seemed like a bargain and I quickly installed it. *Queue singing angels* My life was about to change.

Within minutes of setting MyNetDiary, I knew that A) I was consuming more calories than my body burns, B) I wasn’t drinking enough water at 1-2 glasses a day and C) consuming less calories than what I was accustomed to would be a challenge.

I was, however committed to change. I was ready and I had the tools. I was committed to eating leaner and healthier meals. I was committed to tracking my calories. I was committed to losing weight. I was committed to changing my self-image from one of “fat” to one who takes care of her body.

No more shoulds. Shoulds don’t work. This time I was committed.

Within the next 4 days, I lost 4 pounds. And no this wasn’t water weight – I was drinking 4 times as much water as before.

Let me share with you how I did it, what I’ve learned and tips on losing weight quickly.

At the Heart of Weight Loss: Calories Baby!

Photo by Chloe Rice

It says in my plan from MyNetDiary that in order to lose 15 lbs in 3 months, without exercise, for my age/weight/height, my target daily food caloric intake is 1341.

That is, like, very little calories. “I’m not sure I can do that without starving. I don’t want to starve,” I thought. But I was determined to find a way to consume under 1340 calories without starvation.

What was cool about knowing this number was I was now aware of food calories and how they can add up to a result I don’t want (ie. gaining weight). I started to pay attention to labels and measuring my food.

I was shocked to discover just how many calories are in simple dishes and beverages we consume without thinking. Being informed helps you make conscious decisions, right?

I used to think that salads were low in calories. But to my shocking surprise, while vegetables are healthy and low in calories, it’s the salad dressing and other toppings (chess, nuts, fruits) we add that boost calories to insane levels.

Turns out the balsamic salad dressing I like is 150 calories per serving (2 tbsp), and I typically use 5 or more tbsp for my (big) salads. That’s 375 calories just in the dressing!

Oh and that delicious Starbucks Grande White Chocolate Mocha Cappuccino with whipped cream I get every day is 470 calories! Yikes!

Don’t even get me started on deserts, sweets, and pastries. Let’s just say, you can easily consume your day’s calories in one sitting. No wonder, so many of people are putting on weight.

The morning after I discovered the MyNetDiary tool, I felt inspired and I rushed to the gym bright and early. I was pumped. My motivation was this: if I exercised, I will be able to add more to my daily food caloric budget, so I can eat more and not starve.

I enthusiastically jogged for 30 minutes while listening to a motivating Tony Robbins talk. To someone who hadn’t exercised in 3 years, a 30-minute jog is like a marathon. To me, it was a lot of work.

Do you know how many calories I had burned from those 30 minutes?

150.

WHAT?

Dude, that’s like less than half of the salad dressing I use at one meal; that’s one tablespoon of olive oil; that’s one small glass of orange juice; that’s one Starbucks Latte.

Yup. All that work for something I could easily consume in seconds by casually eating something innocent and ordinary.

Here’s an important lesson: exercise alone will not cause you to lose weight. It’s a myth. While exercise will help in boosting your metabolism, is good for your heart, and burns some calories – relative to some foods it burns very little calories.

I wanted to know how to lose weight fast, and looked like exercise alone was not going to cut it. What may be more essential to losing weight quickly is an increased awareness of our caloric intake.

The Diet Plan to Fast Weight Loss

Photo by aeschleah

I Googled around and found the slow-carb diet described in Tim Ferriss’s book The 4-Hour Body. You can read the diet chapter here for free. Really, this chapter is all you need. It’s pretty simple.

Following the slow-carb diet, I focused on eating food with dense calories. I was able to stay full for longer and thus consume less total calories. Here’s a summary of the diet plan:

No White Carbs – No bread, rice, noodles, pasta, cookies, pastries.
No Fruits – Except avocado and tomatoes, which we limit to a max of 1/day.
No Drinking Calories – No juice, milk, sweet drinks.
3 Foods – For every meal include at least one item from each of these three food categories:
1. 1) Protein: Egg, black beans, chicken, beef.
2. 2) Legume: Lentil, soybeans (Edamame), pinto beans, red beans.
3. 3) Vegetables: Spinach, broccoli, peas, green beans.
4 Meals – Eat 4 meals a day. Plan meals in advanced. Eat simple meals that you can repeat.
Cheat Day – One cheat day a week to eat whatever you want.

In addition to the above diet plan, I also:

Measure – Track caloric intake using MyNetDiary.
Water – Drink at least 8 glasses of water. One glass is defined as 8oz. I carry a 16oz water cup with me at all times. How much water your body needs differs on your height, weight and age. Find out how much you need to drink here.
High Frequency, Low Quantity – Eat more often and avoid feeling hungry. Sometimes I’ll eat part of a meal, then wait an hour or two and eat the other half.

That’s it!

This is how I lost 4 lbs in 4 days.

I have since continued to lose weight every few days, not as fast as the initial 4lb burst, but making notable progress on the weight every 2-3 days.

While sticking to the diet has been challenging (I’ve slipped a few times at the sight of ice-cream), overall, I feel great. Better than I have felt in a long time. I have more energy. I feel better about myself. And seeing progress is always cool.

The answer to how to lose weight fast is to figure out how many calories you can consume for your dietary goals and activity level, and change your diet such that you consume less than that number. Remember, the magic to losing weight is in the calories.

To Summarize:

Sign up to MyNetDiary (Free) and get your daily caloric intake number.
Watch and record calories for everything you eat.
Stick to one diet for 30 days. I like the Slow-Carb diet described above.
Measure every morning on an empty stomach.
Rinse and repeat.

Tips for The Person Losing Weight

Photo by Karrah Kobus

Obviously, we are all different and our individual results will vary. But if you stick to a plan—where you are consuming less calories than your body will burn–you will lose weight.

Regardless of how fast you are losing weight, give yourself a firm pat on the back for taking action. It’s not easy. But then again, anything in life worth having isn’t easy.

By adapting these new habits that will result in weight loss, you will improve the quality of your life, and your body will thank you for it.

Make a full-on commitment to yourself. Try it for 7 days, then 14 days. Then extend that to 21 days and 30 days.

If you are someone like me, who likes to accomplish goals quickly and efficiently and are serious about your commitment to doing so, here are some tips:

1. Measure

In business, the popular saying goes: “What gets measured gets improved.” or “What gets measured gets managed.” This is also true when it comes to losing weight.

Weather you want to make more money, or get more traffic to your blog, or lose weight, one of the most efficient practice you can adapt is measuring you progress and tracking numbers most relevant to your goal.

In this case, we want to track our weight and caloric intake.

If you have a smart phone or fancy tablet, get the MyNetDiary app. It’s awesome. If you have a computer, you can use their planning tool online.

2. Low Friction

Make it easy for yourself to do the activities needed to reach your weight loss goal. Create as little friction for yourself as possible, and you will more likely get it done.

If you plan to do the slow-carb diet, prepare your meals the night before. Cook for several days in one session. I put all my pre-measured food into small plastic containers or Ziploc bags. Then I can easily and quickly put meals together by pulling out 3 bags/containers from each food categories.

I plan out what food items I will bring to work the next day in advance. I line them up in my fridge so in the morning, I can quickly toss them into a bag and I’m out the door.

Drinking a lot of water can be hard, so I make it as simple as possible for myself. I use one of those large clear Starbucks plastic water cups with a cover and a straw (Go to Starbucks and ask for a “Venti Iced Water” – they’ll give it to you for free. The cup is 16oz, which is 2 glasses).

I find that it’s a lot easier to drink from a straw than a bottle–where you have to open the top, tilt your head and dump water. A straw is lower friction because it requires less movement.

I like the clear cup so I can see my progress. Seeing progress encourages me to keep going and creates a cycle of momentum and encouragement.

I carry a cup with me at all times, so I see the bottle everywhere I go. When I see it, I will drink from it. I also fill up a cup the night before and stick it in the fridge, so I have water all ready to go first thing in the morning. I drink the first cup during my commute to the office.

If I plan to go to the gym (which still isn’t too often), I make sure the gym clothes are lined up next to my bed before I sleep, or pack them in a bag all ready to go.

The point is to make things convenient for yourself, so you can easily eat right, exercise or drink plenty of water. This requires a bit of planning and discipline on your part, but the trade-offs are worth it. If you don’t make things easy, it’ll be too easy to slip and fall back to old habits.

3. Be Nice to Yourself

Change is uncomfortable, for all of us.

During your first few weeks, you may experience some episodes of crankiness or frustration. Do your best to weather it, and to forgive yourself for feeling cranky.

The change is frustrating, because you’ll realize how many things you can’t eat and you will crave them. And if you do end up eating them, you’ll feel guilt.

Do your best to let go of the drama: guilt, frustration, regret (if any).

I consider myself to be a very disciplined person, even I broke down a few times in my first few weeks.

One day when I was feeding apple wedges dipped in peanut butter to my son and he refused, I looked at the apple and took a bite. I couldn’t stop myself fast enough before the apple slice landed in my stomach.

Another day, I broke down and ate an entire box of strawberry covered pocky.

When this happens, don’t beat yourself up over it. Relax. Be kind to yourself. Even though you may take a few steps back, overall, you’re still moving forward and making great progress.

4. Conscious Eating

The point of this exercise isn’t so that we end up feeling hungry. The point is to be conscious of what we eat, particularly the quantity and quality of the calories.

The first few days you will find that you’re hungry all the time. It’s actually more psychological. Just do your best to eat dense caloric food–food from the 3 categories. Some low fat protein bars are also good snack options (I love Luna Bars).

If you have cravings and can’t help yourself, you can (obviously) break the rules, but do so consciously. Know how many calories you can afford to play with.

I was craving the sweet Starbucks Grande White Mocha I normally get. So I went through the Starbucks drink menu online and found that a Cafe Latte is a nice lower calorie option. So I got myself a Short Latté to satisfy that craving (110 Calories).

Yesterday, I was craving something sweet, so I had a small cup of sweet Chai Tea (170 Calories).

The point is not to suffer. The point is to bring conscious awareness into the food and drink we consume.

5. Self Image & Self Dialog

Instead of saying “I can’t have that”, say “I don’t want to have that”. By saying you don’t want to have something instead of you can’t have something you take the power and responsibility into your own hands. You have the choice.

The language that we use with ourselves and with others about ourselves affects our self image and will unconsciously affect our external result.

Start paying attention to your internal dialogue with yourself. Catch yourself in the action of name calling or putting yourself down, and then turn it around—rephrase whatever sentence into a positive or encouraging one.

Replace “I’m fat” with “I used to be fat, but I’m losing weight fast!” or “I take care of my body and eat consciously.” The point: stop calling yourself fat.

Replace “I’ve tried every diet and nothing works for me” with “I am committed to lose weight and to take care of myself. I deserve to live a good life. I am committed.”

Closing Words

Even though I wrote this article on the premise of how to lose weight, the motivation behind this article was based on the power of self image: how we see ourselves and what we believe to be true about ourselves. And this belief colors our perception and bleeds into our external reality.

Because I repeatedly saw myself as “fat” for a prolonged period, I felt myself slipping down a negative spiral and it transpired in everything that I did. Before I knew it, my physical reality became such that I would put on more weight, and with it came a loss of self-esteem and self-worth. The cycle then repeats.

If we want change, in any area of our life, the steps are simple. First we must change how we see ourselves by changing our internal dialog. Second, because our beliefs have changed, so will our actions. Commit to taking action in the direction you want to go. Third, because we are taking different actions, we will see different results.

Every change starts in the mind. It starts with a decision.

So what will you decide?

It is these moments of decision that changes and shapes our destiny.

Decide now.

* What’s your story? Share your stories of personal goals, weight loss, and motivation with us in the comment section. See you there!

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About the Author:

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

* Click here to read all articles written by Tina.

Discover Your Personal Values

Leah Pearlman — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:00:19 +0000

Photo by Lisa Devlin of Gala Darling

Editor’s Note: When Cat introduced me to Leah earlier this year, she said “Leah is one of the most mindful people I’ve ever spoken with”. After experiencing her work–both written and drawn–I agreed. Take the time to read the story below. It’s worth it. One of the most conscious piece of writing I’ve read. Enjoy!

By Leah Pearlman

“At the end of your life” a friend once asked, “What do you hope to have happened?”

I thought it was a great question and decided to give him a thoughtful answer, so I pocketed it for later and bought myself a month for the assignment.

For a while my mind flooded with questions of plot. Will I fall in love? Will I have kids? Will I know passion in my work? Will I touch lives? Will I change the world for the better? What will my regrets be? Where will I have traveled? Where will I have lived?

Will I have really traveled? Will I have really lived?
When I was a kid watching movies, I used to shout during tense scenes, “Ah! What’s gonna happen?” My dad would laugh, “How should I know? I’m watching the same movie you are!” I wasn’t really asking him. But the uncertainty is unnerving.

It’s so tempting to ask questions about how things will turn out, grasping at some kind of assurance in a constantly changing world.

But the answers are not here, not now.

They’re waiting patiently at the end of the story, relaxing in the shade. Probably sipping lemonade. They’re not going anywhere. So perhaps it’s better to let the questions go and just give in to the possibilities.

“Will I this? Might I that?” I let all those questions go, and soon a new question began peaking around the corner of my consciousness.

Rather than asking what life I hoped to live, I began wondering how to live life. The assignment had changed for me, from one of story telling to an inquiry into my own personal values.

Finding My Personal Values

For most of my life, I believe I inherited my personal values from my context. Looking back, I can see that in the years before getting into a good college, the most important thing to me was just that–getting into a good college.

Once at Brown, it was the grades. After graduating, I spent two years working and living, proving my independence to…myself? I think?

And then I came to work at Facebook, a company with deeply embedded and well-articulated values. I believed in the vision and my coworkers, which was enough for me to adopt the values of the company as my own.

Efficiency and leverage became important to me, along with openness, connectedness, and impact. These were the things that kept me up at night.

What should’ve kept me up was my dad’s cancer. He’d been diagnosed sometime while I was in college, but I mostly pretended he hadn’t, because that was easier. I assumed he’d just get better.

But then one day, during my Facebook years, he got worse. X-years-to-live type of thing.

I was tempted to push the news aside again and go back to helping democratize the world’s information (also known as processing my email) when something inside me flipped, snapped, woke up, and sang out.

I saw in an instant that I was living a life on autopilot. I was asleep at the wheel and I had been for… could it be? Forever? So, what do I do now?

That day I put in a request for a six month leave-of-absence, needing space from my own life in order to see it. And to spend time with my parents.

In the two years that followed, I began, super slowly, to start following my own heart. As unpracticed as I was, it often spoke in low tones, gave me mixed messages, or long bouts of silence.

This is still true, but the more I listen, the more I hear. And now that I’ve spent some time living in accordance with my own intuition, I can look back and see a new cohesion take shape, my very own personal values are becoming clear.

And just before I share them, I’d like to add that one result of following my heart is ending up in the presence of amazing teachers and role models. Much of what follows comes directly from what I have learned from them. Big hug. Deep bow.

Value #1: Truth

I can’t presume to know all the manifestations of living a truthful life, but I hope to always live into that question.

One aspect of truth I’ve come to value is the ability to see clearly.

A practical way I’ve learned to see True versus False is through “Is” versus “Isn’t.” I value learning to see what IS.

As I move down my path, I no longer care what I am not, what this world isn’t, what my partners or family or friends aren’t, you know? Rather, who am I? Who are they? What is happening?

Recently a friend stopped emailing me when he got a new girlfriend. My first thoughts were “He isn’t responding”, I’m not as important to him”, “I not being supported” and “I don’t have my close friend anymore.”

It took me a few weeks to let go of what wasn’t happening and see what was. He was falling in love. My hurt and anger had kept me from being happy for him.

And as I began writing for myself each day instead, I was developing my internal support. My sense of loss and indignation had kept me from seeing the growth in myself.

Along with the isnt’s I am also learning to let go of the shoulds and shouldn’ts, the can’ts, didn’ts, weren’ts, and the needs and has-tos.

I’ve also taken on the practice of speaking as truthfully as I can, which has come to include saying not simply whatever is true, but also what is kind, helpful and timely.

Communicating truth is not just to lie or not to lie. Rather, it’s an art.

I can send you a text to tell you I love you. Or I can open my door to you whenever you knock; answer whenever you call; or listen whenever you need. Which is most true?

Recently I heard someone say that speaking truthfully is only half the game, “How truthfully can we listen?” Listen without judgment, without expectation, without interruption, and without planning a response?

Value #2: Self-Love

Until two years ago, I liked myself.

If you’d asked me to swap with anyone I wouldn’t have done it, and I often felt proud of who I was and what I’d done.

But I didn’t LOVE myself. I didn’t LOVE myself as if I was absolutely perfectly wonderfully unconditionally irresistibly lovable.

Like truth-seeking, it may be a journey that lasts my whole lifetime, but these days I’m aggressively committed to honoring myself, my needs, my desires, my tastes, my emotions, my choices, my past, my intentions, my body, my art, my mistakes, my everything.

I hope to honor it all as if there is nothing more important in this world to honor. I (am working to) love myself as if I’m my own child; as if me and myself were the last two people on earth.

I believe in myself as my very own religion. Not in a way that ranks me above anyone else; but allows for everyone to be their own personal God. I don’t know who said this, but I like this quote, “If everyone healed them selves, the world would be healed.”

My body, my self, this physical being is the way in which I interact in the world. What my body does, how it acts, what it says, what my fingers type, that is the only contact I have with this Universe.

This is my vehicle. This is my tool. This is it. So I need to keep it healthy and happy, and energized. I need to know everything about it. I need to learn to use it as wisely as possible.

This self, it’s the only thing I have, really, so I will love it, worship it, and learn to make it shine as brightly as I know how.

Value #3: Set an Example

While I’m learning to honor and love myself, I try to remain aware of the effect that my actions have on others. I’m healing myself with the desire of healing the world.

So after asking “Is this right for me?” The next question is “What example does this set?” They are deeply related. The answers can’t be separate because nothing is right for me unless it is also right for others to witness.

Sometimes it might feel good to complain or gossip, but what example does that set? We speak a thousand times a day, and each time is an opportunity to say something helpful or harmful.

Sometimes I rush to be first in line, get the best seat, get the best piece, etc., without regard for how that might be affecting others around me.

Quite often I find excuses for living out of line with my personal values. Asking what kind of example I’m setting so often sheds light on the gray areas and helps me pay attention to the broader impact of my actions.

Value #4: Empowerment

The world is. It is what it is.

What good is, “I wish my parents would…” or “the world was…” or “my boss would…” or “my friends this” or “traffic that” or “the weather this” or “anything that?”

The world is what it is.

People are how they are.

I don’t sit around getting annoyed that gravity doesn’t work differently (well, sometimes) because it just IS. So, the world is what it is and I want to live a happy peaceful life.

Really, the only question left: how do I do this? What do I change? Who do I become?

I love this quote: “Feeling resentment is like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.” Even if I don’t change the world at all, I am empowered to change the feelings and responses I have to it.

Recently, an almost-landlord of mine pulled some weird stuff. I spent a few days feeling angry, and then annoyed, and now I’m almost up to compassion.

I may never meet the guy again, so it’s not for his sake, it’s for mine. Anger feels crappy, like I’m caging an animal inside me. Annoyance is the same, but maybe like a fly instead.

Compassion, however, is like drinking a warm cup of Chai: cozy, sweet, and energizing. It feels great to my insides.

My experience of this life will be the sum of my actions and my reactions, so if I want to live a good life (which I do! I do!) I will cultivate healthy responses. I want to take full accountability for everything that happens to me. I’m not a victim of anything. I am free.

Value #5: Creating What I Crave

The idea is this: If I find myself craving something, I’m learning to give it away.

If I’m lonely, I look for ways to make someone else feel less lonely. If I wish someone loved me, I find someone to love. If I think I’m being wronged, I find a way to apologize. If I want more community in my life, which I do, I will create it.

I believe the clearest sign of what I am meant to cultivate in the world is identifying that which I crave the most. It’s harder than it sounds.

When I walk into the kitchen and see dirty dishes everywhere, you can bet my gut instinct is not to joyfully clean up after everyone. But, that’s how it works. I have two paths to peace in that moment: let go of the irritation, or do the dishes myself.

Understanding that which I crave is actually that which I am best suited to foster. That’s pretty damn empowering.

Value #6: Humor

While sometimes humor can seem like a frivolity, that which comes at the end of a knock knock joke, or after the chicken crosses the road, it must be more.

Humor melts ice. It cuts tension, and lightens the heaviest loads. Humor has the capacity to transform suffering to joy.

Sometimes humor is all that can break down the walls of one perspective, opening up new ways of seeing, which offers us new choices. It can communicate truths that can be easily tuned out in every other way.

I had a teacher who once said that humor puts the “light” in “enlightenment.” I think the reason humor has made it into my set of core values is because I need it to keep the rest in perspective.

We are each, after all, infinitesimal in the span of time. So humor reminds us that while everything is important, nothing is so serious.

Value #7: Love Everyone

I will spend the rest of my life learning to see every person on this planet as lovable as a small child or a cute puppy, and also, as wise as the wisest teacher–as worthy of worship–as my highest value.

Like the rest, this is going to take a while, probably my whole life. But for now, my days are laced with small openings.

I’m proactively choosing to spend time with people who confuse me. I’m spending more time chatting with strangers. I’m spending time with the same homeless people I used to pretend I didn’t see.

I’m watching children more. And animals. I’m asking more questions. I’m cultivating patience. I want to love everyone not for his or her sake, but for my own.

Loving feels SO good. The beauty here is that the path to loving more, is loving more; the journey and the goal are the same. And so, I practice.

Value #8: Aesthetics

I’ll never forget a conversation I once heard between two friends.

“Why do you do what you do?”

“To maximize the good. And you?”

“Aesthetics.”

I spent years trying to understand this answer. At first, it made no sense whatsoever.

I’d spent my life trying to perform, improve, excel, achieve, each moment fueling the next like my body was on fire and a lake just ahead.

Like the first friend who answered, I lived in a world of right and wrong, where right led to happiness and wrong to suffering. But “aesthetics”? To me that word had only to do with art, and only to do with a single moment in time.

How does that look? How does it make me feel now? Through this friend’s answer I began to see the whole world as a single work of art to be viewed and re-viewed in one discrete moment after the next.

In this framework, our actions are decided not by what we expect to produce the best future outcome, but by what yields more beauty now. And that’s “beauty” in every dimension, not just beauty according to the senses, but as the heart can appreciate it.

In this framework, nothing is about right and wrong, happiness vs. suffering. Actions just result in more or less beauty along an infinite scale.

Last night I was offered a ride and chose to walk home in the rain. Why? Aesthetics. Yesterday, aesthetics guided me to read a book cover-to-cover.

Sometimes we feel called to act in a way that doesn’t make the most logical sense. Later we might see a broader purpose it served, but it’s in following these instincts that we break free from the limits of what we know, and open ourselves up to new possibilities.

I’ve come to see aesthetics as the value I’m honoring when there’s no good reason for doing what I do, but it just feels right. It’s the same force that guides a painter to choose how and where to stroke his brush, and what turns a life from a series of patterns and habits, into a work of art.

Parting Words

I sent all of the above to the friend who asked the initial question, “how do you hope your life to turn out?” And in a letter to him, I ended with this:

“I guess this isn’t quite the story of a life you’d want to read, with a climax and denouement. It’s not told from the end as we discussed. There aren’t a lot of specifics or characters. But even without any specifics in place, perhaps this all tells a story anyway.

“At the end, this life will have been a journey of perseverance; a century, I hope, of opening to truth and love. I will have cultivated a generous heart, I will have never lost the spirit of fun, I will have loved well, and set an example of love, truth, generosity, beauty, laughter and kindness. I will live and die at peace, confident that I did my very best.”

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About the Author

Leah Pearlman is the Co-Creator of The Happiness Institute (HI!) located in San Francisco. HI provides people the space, structure, and support to explore, experience, and expand personal and team happiness in a collaborative environment. She is also the author of Dharma Comics, a comic blog in which she draws on life to explore personal and universal truth. She has a background in technology, most recently having graduated from a 4-year gig at Facebook working both as product manager and in internal communications.

How to Ignite Personal Change

Kayla Albert — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 01:00:17 +0000

Photo by Vanessa Paxton

By Kayla Albert

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will
always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.”
~James Allen

The first step to create personal change is to recognize the reoccurring patterns in our life that no longer serve us. Lately, I started to see that such a pattern surfacing in my life story.

The first time I took on an assignment for a newspaper, one whose readership was larger than most of the blogs I had been writing for, I was terrified.

I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to properly pronounce the subject’s name, that I wouldn’t be taken seriously because of my inability to look older than 21, that I wouldn’t be able to write fast enough to take down the most pertinent details.

But more importantly, I was afraid that I wasn’t a journalist and I would never be recognized as one.

After jotting down too many notes for a 250-word article and asking for more quotes than I could ever use, I sat down to construct a fact-only story. Unfortunately, feelings are my forte, so keeping everything compact and to the point was a struggle.

Once the hard labor was complete, I sent it off, fingers crossed, hoping that I would get a gold star and a “good job!”

But editors, as I’ve discovered, aren’t like teachers or coaches, handing out trophies to the losing team and telling every kid they’re special. Mine simply said there were several corrections that needed to be made.

In reality, it wasn’t that bad. Yes, there were details that could be omitted and sentences that could do with some re-wording. Yet the pit in my stomach was telling me, “See, you aren’t a writer after all.” And I listened.

Then, when the article actually was published, I was surprised to see that it was labeled as a “staff story,” without my name and picture–the one payback I had for writing the article in the first place.

After a little bit of inquiry, I found out that the omission was a mistake, not an intentional declaration that my mistakes had cost me my byline.

Once the frustration had subsided to a small pin prick of annoyance, I realized that not receiving the recognition and accolades for my accomplishments had become an experience I continued to have over and over and over again. It was one of my “records”–those stories we tell ourselves that continue to play in the background of our minds and our experiences, causing us to unintentionally recreate them.

I remembered having dramatic conversations with my parents when I was a teenager, screaming at them between sobs that they paid more attention to my sister’s singing than they did to my artwork. I remembered designing a program for a school play, only to have my name omitted from the “thank you” list.

Not being recognized was, in all honesty, what I expected. So the Universe said, “Ok, here you go then.”

And the cycle continued.

Ironically, the same day that I had received the less than glowing remarks from my editor, I received an email from a reader of my blog with nothing but praise for my writing style. Of course the compliments were a dull whisper while the criticism was a loud roar — so you can guess what I spent the rest of the night dwelling on.

This simply allowed that record of mine to play louder and louder and louder.

Yet, a few days later, when I was able to recognize the pattern for what it was–something I had created from my own thoughts–I was able to give myself the recognition I deserved.

While the lessons are still taking root in my thoughts and actions, here is what I took away from this realization so far.

1. Pattern & Root Cause

Recognize the patterns in your life and get to the root of the thought process that created them.

When similar situations continue to crop up in your life, it’s probably time to stop blaming the outside world and take a look at what seeds your thoughts are planting.

My logical mind told me that the world wasn’t conspiring to keep me from being acknowledged, in fact, I already was being acknowledged. I was just too invested in choosing who gave me that acknowledgement.

2. You Are In Control

Taking responsibility for your reality also means taking your power back.

It may be easier to play the victim, but it’s far more empowering to recognize that you are in control of what’s going on around you. This means you no longer have to wait for apologies, accolades, or whatever you may seek from others, everything you need is already created by you and found within you.

I tend to rely on others to validate my existence. Realizing that I would never get from others what I could give to myself was huge–and still a work in progress.

3. Positive Payback

Pay attention to the payback you receive by continuing to play your record.

When I stopped to think why I continued to create this lack of support and acknowledgement in my life, I realized (reluctantly) that I get some satisfaction out of having people feel sorry for me.

I like being comforted and having friends and family rally around me when I tell them how I have been “wronged.” That, I recognized, was my payback for continuing to play this record I had created for myself.

Every situation we create for ourselves–positive and negative–has some form of payback. It may be hard to recognize the payback in what we deem a “negative” situation, but if you look hard enough, you’ll see that it’s there. Noticing it can offer you the chance to create a positive situation that offers a payback with the same amount (or more) satisfaction.

I’m in the midst of taking on article assignment #2. My nerves are still frayed, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about creating something print-worthy. But it’s empowering to know that I can recognize criticism for what it is, no longer looking at it from the eyes of an angst-ridden teen who thinks the world is out to get her.

No matter what I create, I am already enough.

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9 Ways to Overcome Negative Emotions

Daniel Wong — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:00:34 +0000

Photo by MAJ Aaron Haney

By TSN Contributor Daniel Wong

“All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up;
that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being
and so distorts you.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

My teenage years were difficult ones because I got bullied all the time.

The bullies called me names. They made fun of me. They spread rumors about me. They took my belongings and refused to return them to me. They once locked me in a classroom.

Not surprisingly, I became angry, resentful, fearful and depressed. I would cry myself to sleep, and I would dread the thought of having to face the bullies in school the following day.

Moreover, I developed a short temper and I’d react violently whenever I was provoked. I even allowed my emotions to overwhelm me to the point where I stopped talking.

It really scares me to think about the path I was headed down as a teenager!

I’m glad to say that the bullying eventually stopped, and that I overcame all of the hurt and pain I experienced.

Although I believe that bullying is never okay, I’ll admit that I did many annoying things, which indirectly encouraged the bullies to continue their behavior.

I’ll also take full responsibility for not disciplining my emotions and for not intentionally choosing to respond to the bullies in a better way.

I’ve since learned a lot about the importance of taking charge of my emotions. In this article, I’d like to share with you nine tips that have enabled me to keep my negative emotions in check.

1. Recognize the Power of Emotions

We like to think of ourselves as highly rational beings, but we’re usually not. We make impulsive decisions every day based on how we feel. We’ve all said and done things in the heat of the moment that we later regretted.

Being aware of how much influence our emotions have over our lives is the first step to taking charge of them.

2. Emotions Doesn’t Always Represent the Truth

Just because we feel a certain way doesn’t make it a reality. For example, we might feel that we’re a failure or that we’re unloved or that we’re stupid, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.

Our feelings color our perception of reality. We need to understand, however, that these feelings can misrepresent the actual—and often less gloomy—state of affairs.

3. Avoid Toxic People

I’ve heard it said that we’re the average of the five people we spend most of our time with. This isn’t a scientific fact, but it’s a principle that holds true in general.

If we’re constantly hanging out with people who are angry, grumpy and discouraging, we’ll eventually become like them. It’s difficult to be in control of our emotions when we spend a lot of time with people who push our buttons in the wrong way.

4. Ask for Support

If we want to make any significant change in our lives, we’ll need the support of the people closest to us. Taking charge of our emotions definitely falls in that category.

Maybe you’re in a difficult situation where someone close to you is also someone who is a negative influence in your life. If that’s the case, you could try saying to this person, “I want to make a change in my life, and I need your support. You’re very important to me and I care about you deeply. But if you’re not able to support me, I think we need to limit our interactions.”

This might seem a little harsh, but it’s necessary for your growth and development.

5. Use Words as a Tool to Feel Better

Words are powerful, and we can harness that power to change our emotional state. When we’re feeling down, we need to train ourselves to use our words to improve—and even transform—our situation, rather than merely describe it.

For instance, even if you’re feeling disappointed, you could choose to say, “I’m going to try again and I’m going to be successful this time around.” This will make you feel much more empowered than if you used words as a tool to describe your situation: “I’ve failed. I’m just not cut out for this.”

It takes discipline and practice in order for us to cultivate this habit, but it’s vital if we want to exert our will over our emotions.

6. The Underlying Message

In communication, it’s not what we say that matters; it’s what people hear. When we’re constantly frustrated and angry at work, our co-workers hear us saying, “I don’t like my job and I don’t like being around people like you.”

When we’re frequently impatient with our family members, they hear us saying, “I refuse to be nice to you because you’re not important to me.”

Once we become conscious of the indirect and unintended messages we communicate every time we fail to control our negative emotions, we’ll realize the importance of exercising self-control in this area.

7. Wait Two Seconds Before Responding

It’s amazing how big of a difference two seconds makes when we’re upset. Every time we respond immediately—and instinctively—to an unkind remark, our words reek of spite and malice.

If, on the other hand, we intentionally wait for at least two seconds before replying, it’s far more likely that we’ll respond in a measured way that will help the situation.

8. Take Care of Your Physical Needs.

In The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz describe the four key areas of our life: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Loehr and Schwartz assert that we should strive to achieve optimality in each of those areas, and in the order listed.

This means that if we don’t attain physical optimality, it will be difficult to attain emotional optimality. If, for example, we’re sleep-deprived, it’s almost impossible not to be moody and irritable.

Thus, it’s essential that we take care of our physical needs—sleep, exercise, nutrition—if we want to be emotionally stable.

9. Ask “What’s one thing I could do right now?”

When we’re in an emotionally distressed state, sometimes it’s not helpful to be alone with our thoughts. This is because it’s too easy to allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity or to become overwhelmed by fear or hatred.

Instead, we could ask ourselves, “What’s one thing I could do right now?” This isn’t an attempt to ignore our problems; it’s a way to take our mind off of our problems temporarily so that we can gain perspective on our circumstances.

Additionally, taking action often changes our emotions in ways that thinking would never be able to.

Parting Words on Negative Emotions

Emotions are things of exquisite beauty. They form a huge part of what makes us human, and they enable us to be fully alive. Life would be incredibly dull if we weren’t able to experience such a breadth and depth of emotions!

But if we allow our emotions to swing us around wildly, we’ll end up hurting others and damaging relationships. We’re all on a journey of keeping our negative emotions in check so that we can lead lives of even greater abundance.

Let’s take the next step together. :)

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About the Author

Daniel Wong is passionate about helping people to maximize their education, career and life. He is the author of The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success and he currently works as a project engineer. You can read his blog at Living Large and find him on Twitter.

Gift Ideas that Inspire

Tina Su — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 05:44:39 +0000

By Tina Su

A few years ago, when I first started this site, I used to do posts on gift ideas around Christmas time (like this one and this one). I haven’t done another post like that, mainly because the gifts I like to give are quite boring (to the outside) and are usually non-fiction, inspirational type books.

Maybe it’s a personal preference, but I feel that “things” don’t last, but books do. A good book will move us, it will motivate us to take different action, and it will inspire us to see the world differently. In essence, a good book will change us.

If you’re been reading this Blog for awhile, you’ve probably already head of me recommending “The Power of Now“, which I believe it’s a must read for everyone (the audio book doesn’t count). That book changed my life and was the basis upon which this site got started, but that was over four years ago.

Since then, there are other books I’ve fallen in love with and do highly recommend. I thought to share some of them with you, just in case you were curious and/or was looking for gift ideas.

So this year, instead of trying to come up with a list of clever gift ideas, I thought to do a post of my favorite things (and favorite gift ideas I personally like to give).

I hope these recommendations (mostly books) fill your hearts with inspiration and wisdom, as they have done for me.

Are you ready? Here we go:

Gift Ideas: Books that Changed My Life

1. PhilosophersNotes

I don’t know where to begin in expressing how much I love the PhilosophersNotes. This is one of my favorite things in the world. Next to reading “The Power of Now” I would recommend that everyone get this.

What is it exactly? Brian Johnson created a series of book summaries of the 100 (now 200) of the best personal growth books—like Cliffs Notes or Coles Notes (if you are Canadian) except for books on personal transformation. In addition to written notes, he also recorded the summaries of inspiring ideas on audio.

For each volume, you get 100 notes from 100 books. It’s one of those things you have to experience to understand its genius. Each summary captures the most inspiring and practical ideas from that book. The audio for each note is 20 minutes long. (Click here to get the notes or continue reading for how to order for cheap.)

This is the only thing I listen to when I drive. It gives me this boost of positive energy. It’s incredibly inspiring, uplifting and brilliant. I just love it.

For books I’ve read before, the notes are like a zap of positivity, reminding me ideas from those books which I can instantly apply to my present life situation (without needing to re-read the entire book).

For books I haven’t read before, it gives me inspiring and interesting ideas from a book without putting in the time to read the whole book (just 20 minutes). This is also a great resource for discovering books I may want to read.

To order, do the following:

Go to this page.
Under PN-Volume I (I’m recommending vol 1 and 2, not the physical hardcover book), right above the Add button, select price next to “Pick Your Price”. You can choose $20 to snag this at a discount. (I got the physical version of this product for $200 from a few years ago. So you’re getting a serious deal here.)
Click “Add” button.
(optionally) Repeat for volume II, or start with volume 1 and see if you like it. I recommend getting both.
Scroll down the page, and click on the large button “Checkout” (on the same page, near the bottom).
Continue the checkout process.

Enjoy!! If you are similar to me, you’ll love this. Trust me.

2. The Millionaire Fastlane

You may have heard of me raving about this book in the post “The Greatest Tragedy: Time vs Money” that MJ DeMarco wrote for our site.

This book is truly a gem, and I do recommend this to everyone. Everyone around me either bought a copy or received one as a gift from me. :)

Besides, there are 162 five-star ratings (at this time of writing) on amazon—others agree (including Brian Johnson from #1 above, who did a PN note on the book in volume 2 of PhilosophersNotes).

This is one book I will give to my son, when he’s old enough to learn about money and business. I love this book. I love the honesty, wisdom and transparency from which the author writes. This book will forever change my money blue print, and I am deeply thankful.

To read my review of the book, see the section “Editor’s Note” near the end of the article on The Greatest Tragedy. You can order a copy of the book on amazon here.

3. Brain Rules

I am not a very (naturally) active person. In fact, the last time I exercised was about a year before I had a baby (who is now 2 years old). I mean, yeah, I know I “should” be exercising, but I’ve never been inspired enough to actually make the time to do it…

… until I started reading this phenomenal and very entertaining book “Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School”.

Now, this book isn’t about exercise. It is about understanding our brains such that we can optimize its ability to think, to remember, and to be productive. It’s a very practical and informative read. On top of that, the author has a unique voice that will capture your attention and keep you engaged.

In my mind, a sign of a good book is one that changes my behavior and outlook on life. And this is definitely one of those.

4. Super Rich

Russell Simmons, the hiphop mogul, has written a new book called “Super Rich: A Guide to Having it All”. Let me just preface by saying that “It’s not what you think.”

I recently saw Russell Simmon speak in person, and he completely surprised and moved me. On par to “The Power of Now”, this book is very practical and enlightening. Even if you have zero interest in hiphop culture, I still highly recommend this book.

Behind his fame, Russell is really a Yogi, who brings ancient wisdom into practical, modern speak. This book contains a beautiful blend between spiritual savvy and street-smart wisdom.

As I started reading this, I couldn’t stop high-lightening the pages. There are so many great quotes in here that I was like a madman with my pen. My copy of the book is filled with pen marks and scribbles.

If you enjoyed reading about my spiritual journey to India (2009) in the post “Living Enlightenment”, then I think you’ll really enjoy this book.

Here’s a quote from Simmons, which always put a smile on my face, “Happy can make you money, but money can’t make you happy.” :)

5. Personal MBA

The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman distills the most valuable and universal principles of business into simple and practical concepts that we can use—not only in business but also to solve personal challenges.

It was recommended to me by, my dear friend, Derek Sivers. After the 3^rd time of him raving about how great this book was, I instantly downloaded it on to my Kindle.

Josh is a very concise writer, who gets to the point quickly in a crisp and no BS fashion. I liked that. I found parts of the book to be a little dry, so I found myself going back-and-forth between reading this and another book to balance out the logical, concise business talk.

However, the value you do get from the book far outweighs the few dry parts (Depending on who you are, you may not find it to be dry). I’ve learned a lot from the book and enjoyed the process.

Once I got through the first half of the book, which consists mainly of business concepts told in a very easy to understand, short, and digestible chunks, the second half completely surprised me. In the second half, he talks about soft skills and personal development—written in his concise style that is extremely clear and easy to follow.

The sign of a master is one who can explain complex concepts in a simple to understand way, such that a child could understand. And Josh definitely has a gift for making things simple to understand, and explaining them in short, bite-sized writing.

Ever thought about going to business school? Here’s a way to dive in for under twenty bucks. Have an interest in business or just like to learn new stuff? This is a great choice.

6. Brain Rules for Baby

Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five is written by the same brilliant brain scientist as the book from #3 above.

Oh man, I really wished that I had read this while I was pregnant with Ryan. If you are pregnant, or have a baby, or a child under the age of five, or know of someone who is pregnant or have a child under the age of five, :) please get this book. Seriously.

I get a little teary just writing this. It’s really good. You’ll learn something new. And you’ll be inspired to be better parents for our most precious little people.

This makes for a great baby gift and an insightful read.

6. Do the Work & The War of Art

It’s no secret that I love Steven Pressfield’s two books on overcoming creative fears and how to be productive with your creative endeavors.

You can read my review of these books on this post “Fear & How to Beat It”.

If you are working towards any type of creative or entrepreneurial or personal improvement projects, I highly recommend both these books: Do the Work and The War of Art. Both are very inspiring and phenomenal reads.

~ ~ ~

There you go! These are the top books and resources I highly recommend. If you like the content this site has published over the years, I think you’ll dig these books.

Before we do a summary of resources, here is a quick list of non-book items that I love:

OmmWriter – Oh Bliss! This is the software I use to write and (truthfully) to relax in. It blocks out of all on-screen distractions and presents you with a zen-like virtual environment (along with music) to soak in peace, and just let your words flow. Try it as a journal or to capture ideas. Download free versions for Mac and PCs. The iPad version is paid (but cheap). If you love the free version, please also get the paid version (to support the geniuses that created it). It’s a beautiful software that instantly puts me into Bliss land. Make sure to use headphones to catch the music — designed to draw you into serenity.
Kindle – I love my Kindle so much, that it I could, I’d marry it. *smiles* Seriously, if you like to read, you’ll love the Kindle. If you plan to read for extended period of time, I highly recommend that you get a version with E Ink, and not the color version (Kindle Fire). During a visit over the summer, after my step-dad saw how much I loved my Kindle setup, he got the exact same setup. He is now a very happy man. My setup is: Kindle with Keyboard + Leather Cover with Built-in Light. Worth every penny.
Moo Cards – Someday I’ll tell you the full story (maybe on simplytina) of how Moo (the company that makes high quality, good looking business cards at great prices) became my hero. When my designer messed up and I was in a desperate spot, their customer service took care of me—like re-designing the card, reprinting an order, sent it to me overnight (all on their dime) so that I had cards for an important event. They probably lost $50 or more from my order, but gained a life long raving fan. For example, I don’t need stickers, but am finding myself ordering them anyway, just because Moo makes them. :) If you need business cards and want to get the most for your money (not to mention a company who truly cares about their customers), use Moo.

Resources

Just for your references, here’s a summary of all the books and resources we’ve talked about in this post:

[Tool] PhilosophersNotes Volume 1
[Book] The Millionaire Fastlane: Crack the Code to Wealth and Live Rich for a Lifetime By MJ DeMarco
[Book] Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School By John Medina
[Book] Super Rich: A Guide to Having it All By Russell Simmons
[Book] The Personal MBA: Master the Art of Business By Josh Kaufman
[Book] Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five By John Medina
[Book] Do the Work By Steven Pressfield
[Book] The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles By Steven Pressfield
[Book] The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment By Eckhart Tolle
[Article] 40 Simple Gift Ideas to Spark a Smile
[Article] 38 Creative Gift Ideas

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How to Stop Negative Self Talk

Tina Su — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:23:31 +0000

Photo by aeschleah

By Tina Su

Do you know what makes life difficult?

The answer is simple: it’s us. :)

It is us, and that large and complex brain of ours that seem to seek out drama, repeat negative self-talk, create false illusions of fear, and generally makes our life difficult in almost all situations. Seriously.

Every single struggle we experience on a daily basis; every complaint, every dissatisfaction, every problem can be drilled down into a single source of root cause: our brain and the stories it tell us.

Because our brain’s job is to keep us safe, it is constantly acting from a place of fear. Its job is to ensure our survival. As such, its job is not to ensure that we have a blissful experience while we are alive.

Even when everything is going well, a little voice in our head will say, “Watch out! Something bad is going to happen.” Then panic sets in, and we experience that unnerving anxious feeling of possibly losing all the good we have going for us.

Our brain is exceptional at telling us engaging stories that are so convincing that it’ll influence us to also act out of fear and irrational anxiety. Additionally, It will vividly replay the emotional story in our mental theater over and over… over and over… over and over.

It’s torture, really.

Before you know it, you’ll start to believe in the story and trusting it to be true. It becomes solidified in your mind in the form of a belief–even if it wasn’t true. We then continue our life’s journey and take action from that place of false belief.

The problem is…. we end up suffering.

Sometimes, we suffer a lot. Sometimes, we suffer for a long time. We suffer because we don’t realize that we are the problem and that we are also the solution.

My Story of Negative Self Talk

For the last year or so, I have been carrying with me the repetitive thought and heavy belief that “I am a bad mom.”

Like many of our self-defeating thoughts, it whispers quietly in our ears and its toxin spreads insidiously. We realize that it is there, but because it’s difficult to separate it from reality, we let it stay. Because our brain speaks with our own voice, it feels real and it feels true.

Anyway, in my example, I had believed it. I had bought its story. Feeling completely incompetent as a parent, I did what I could to stay busy and to stay away from my little boy. It was heart breaking. I kept this secret silently tucked away in the privacies of my mind (and now you know it too).

Externally, people saw that I was focused on work–after all, lots of kiddies go to day care. Internally, my heart was crying. Truth was: I had buried myself in work because I didn’t think I could handle it. I was scared.

The more I stayed away, the more time I spent focused on work the worse I felt and the more my actions confirmed the affirmation that “I am a bad mom.” I was literally torturing myself.

Can you see that it’s a downward spiral? In these private mental wars we battle, no body wins.

Having gained the conscious awareness that this little thought was the reason why I had put my son in day care and why I suddenly felt compelled to focus on my career, it felt like waking up from a bad dream.

Looking at my precious little boy (almost 2 years old now), who radiates life so fully and with so much joy, I feel a surge of emotions–a mixture between feeling guilt for having “missed” a year of his life and feeling deep appreciation for having learned this valuable lesson.

I put my forehead against his soft little forehead, his light brown eyes looking straight into my soul and I gently whispered, “I love you Booboo. From now on, I promise to enjoy EVERY moment with you. Mama understands now.”

With that, I decided to stay home with my son once again. I decided to work out my schedule such that I can be a full-time mom again. No more drama. No more (mental) lies. No more (self) abuse.

I get another chance at this important “job”, except this time without illusions, without guilt. Through its ups and downs, I want to be there, fully.

~ ~ ~

Even before I was a mom, there was always something non-supportive running through my head, and often I would believe it. And this belief into a false statement about myself would cause so much pain and zaps much of my vital energy. I would feel cut off from life and it significantly limited my ability to feel happy.

I think the last thing before “I am a bad mom” the limiting thought running in my mind was “I am not lovable”. Even just a few weeks ago, while standing in a room of strangers at a conference in New York, feeling alone, the thought that kept running in my mind was “I’m such a loser. No body likes me.”

It doesn’t make sense, and it even sounds silly when we talk about this openly. But I genuinely believe that thoughts like these hunt each and every one of us to some capacity. Whether we are conscious of these thoughts or not, they do affect us. And they do hurt us.

Now, I don’t think these thoughts will ever go away, which is ironic, since this article is on “How to Stop Negative Self Talk”. While we can’t completely stop the negative self-talk, we can work towards a new reality where we stop believing in all this negative self talk.

We can do our best to practice awareness in recognizing when these thoughts are happening, and choosing to not buy into the abuse.

We can say, “Thank you for sharing.” Or “Cancel.” Or simply recognizing that our brain is like a crazy, drunken monkey that says really stupid things, and that we really shouldn’t take it seriously.

What about you?

What unsupportive thoughts are you hearing on repeat in your mind? What self-defeating, abusive and limiting statement is your brain trying to convince you (or have convinced you) to be true?

Stop for a minute from reading and reflect. What were you worried/stressed/anxious about recently (or right now)? What thoughts have been racing on repetition in your head?

Take inventory. Take notice. Then shine the light of awareness upon it. When we are facing the light, the shadows must fall behind us.

Here are some common thoughts:

I’m not good enough.
I’m ugly.
I’m too fat/tall/short/young/old.
I’m stupid.
He/she’ll never love me.
I am not lovable.
I am a bad parent.
I am a horrible person.
There is something wrong with me.
I never have enough time.
I don’t deserve …
I can’t …

All of these (and more) are illusions fabricated by our mind, which significantly limits our capacity to fully enjoy life. When we get lost in the story, we miss the gifts nestled only in this moment.

This moment, after all, is all we have. Once we loose it, it’s gone forever.

So savor it.

Drop the story. Be here now.

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**BACK TO YOU: How have you been? What’s on your mind lately? I’ve missed you. Let me know how you’ve been and your thoughts in the comment section. See you there.

The Story of Expanded Awareness

Guest of TSN — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:23:17 +0000

Photo by Anna Gay

Guest Post By Priya Khajuria

“Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.”
~ Brad Henry

There’s a vase full of roses on our dining table. Each week it’s a different color or a new variety. The first time I had the roses there, as soon as they turned slightly droopy I threw them out. Why not, right? I mean they weren’t doing anyone any good, looking so old.

One day, instead of throwing them out, I trimmed them a little bit and put them in a smaller vase. They perked right up and thrived for quite a while before it was time to throw them out.

As time went by, I got wiser. As the roses aged, I found a smaller vase to fit the trimmed stems. Then later transferred them into a mini vase. Finally I floated the blossoms alone, minus the stems, in a large white bowl to accentuate their beauty.

In a last gush of sentiment, I pulled the rose petals off the bowl blossoms when their time had come and sprinkled the petals into the bath, sprinkled them into a bowl, or dried them and left them out –whatever I could do to preserve their fragrance and sweetness.

I noticed something…as they aged, something else happened. Have you ever noticed how a new rose is so tight and complete, as though it is protecting itself…and then as it ages, each layer begins to curl outwards in the most lovely manner?

It’s as though the more it ages, the more open and beautiful it becomes. There are less barriers, there is more vulnerability and there is the presence of exquisite joy in its very being.

In a flash, I saw that my roses were not the only things in my life I had seen with limited awareness. Much to my sorrow, I realized that I had viewed my parents in exactly the same way: I’d been quick to discard them, judging my parents through the eyes of others, dismissive of them in the pursuit of what I wanted.

I was completely unaware that there could be a middle ground, a safe place to discover my purpose and yet stay within their warm circle. The more immature I was, the faster I pushed them out and away.

I realized that I had stopped appreciating the wonders of life and the kindness of others. I had stopped smelling at the roses. I had no time to enjoy the glowing sunsets.

Magnifying the pressures of daily work and annoyances had shrunk my capacity to recognize that I already had a beautiful life. I had diverted myself from where I really wanted to go and who I wanted to be.

I had been focusing on all the wrong things. When I forced myself to stop and just let myself be, everything around me came alive again. When I silenced my mind and became present, life simply fell into place. It had been there all along.

I finally understood the power of focus.

As I gazed at the beauty of my roses, I saw that my parents were still beautiful too. The realization was humbling. I was able to look at my parents with the wonder they must have once looked at me…the way I look at my children.

And when I see my mother now, I can see the Rose Rio Samba, delicate pink on the outside, revealing vibrant and joyous flashes of deep gold as it unfolds. My mother appears conservative but has an unusually ambitious exterior laced with unexpected bursts of gut-bursting humor and is dusted with the icing of golden-age Bollywood beauty and glamour.

My father…well I think of Knockout Roses. They’re resilient and powerful in an understated Jain kind of way. At first I thought he might be a purple, spiritual kind of rose but the more I got to know my father, I realized he’s the Sunny Knockout Rose.

He is bright and sweet but understated by his own choice. He is grounded and balanced–and like the Sunny Knockout–he contrasts nicely with brighter blooms (read: my mother the Rio Samba). And like anything else understated, one wouldn’t notice my father at first, in his quiet ways. It took years for me to set aside the resentment of youth, the focus on the thorns, to see the peaceful and loving man my father is.

I am grateful to realize this now, while they are still here. I am grateful for the richness & color that they bring to my life. The dreams I dream, the things I wish for…many seem to revolve around my parents in some way, and yet I know I am my very own “rose” as well.

The daily grind can be put away on a shelf at the end of the day. It is muting into the background while the richness of life, my family, my friends and my purpose becomes far more real in the light of awareness—infused with the vibrant colors of life.

Everything has come full circle. Everything is flowering in its own time, as it should.

~ ~ ~

How about you? Do you see your parents like week-old rose stems, ready to be tossed aside for a newer flower? Or can you appreciate the color that they can continue to bring to your life, even as you grow & flower & bring other plants into your garden?

How can you continue to appreciate them, or their memory if they have passed on? How can you view every rose in your garden— whether they be parents, friends, coworkers, spouses, or children–as beautiful and worthy in your sight? Here are three ideas:

Time— a garden’s beauty does you no good if you never enter it. Turn off your gadgets, put away your work, and just be fully present with the people in your life.
Water— flowers wilt without water, and so do the people in your life. Tell them what they mean to you, through little notes & emails, hugs, gifts, whatever “fertilizer” they most enjoy.
Pictures— Why do you take a picture of a rose? To cherish its beauty. So why not do the same with the people you love? Take out the camera, and make some memories you will cherish for decades to come. Take written “pictures” too, by journaling what they mean to you, just as I have done with my parents.

Keep expanding your awareness, and I guarantee you that all the roses in your life will bring you more & more joy. Happy gardening!

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About the Author

Priya Khajuria is a writer, singer and homeopath. Her chick-lit mystery novel Bollywood P.I. features a homeopath-turned-P.I. who stumbles into a major crime organization.
Priya also practices homeopathy and publishes health-related articles and resources at Vibrant Health..

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How Great Leaders Inspire Action

Tina Su — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:07:19 +0000

I just got back from Marie Forleo‘s business conference in New York, during which I experienced THE MOST inspiring talk I’ve ever heard: Start With Why by Simon Sinek.

It’s kind of hard to express in words why it was so moving, other than to say that by the time Simon finished his sermon, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Everyone had tears in their eyes.

Perhaps it’s true, as Simon explains, that the part of our brain that control emotions doesn’t control speech. Thus, when we truly feel something that clicks with our hearts, it’s hard to justify in words, or finding words that accurately expresses how we feel.

His talk has been watched over 2.6 million times on Ted.com and is one of the 20 most-watched TEDTalks. However, the quality of that video on TED is disappointing. Here’s a version of the same video I found on YouTube (below) that’s of better quality.

Enjoy it!

Watch it even if you have no interest in being a leader in the traditional sense. After all, we are all leaders of our own destiny. The happier we can inspire ourselves to be, the happier the world will be for everyone else.

Check out the video and let me know your thoughts in the comment section. :)

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How to Face Adversity – Art of Moving Forward

Guest of TSN — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 00:04:07 +0000

Photo by Anna Gay

Guest Post By Allison Mac

“Adversity is like a strong wind.
It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn,
so that we see ourselves as we really are.”
~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Have you ever faced the kind of adversity that crushed you to your soul and left you feeling paralyzed and numb? Have you ever felt so lost that it seemed as if there was no way out of the darkness?

I thought that I have faced adversity and overcome it. In my life I have battled illness, financial loss and relationship trouble and yet I endured to be strong, healthy, financially stable and loved. It wasn’t until several months ago that my biggest challenge was about to stare me straight in the eyes and make me buckle at the knees.

Half way through November of last year I lost the most influential person in my life—my mother. She was not only my Mom, but my best friend, my business partner and my soul mate.

I had the kind of connection with my mother that I honestly can not imagine having with another person. We had a soul connection that ran extremely deep and she was the root of my being.

Her death was sudden and shocking and left me feeling raw and very lost. I wondered with all the work I had done on myself up to this point, was I truly ready to move forward on my own? Was I strong enough to pick up the scattered pieces of my spirit and find peace within myself?

So began my journey of dealing with loss, adversity and life changing circumstances. After the initial shock began to wear off in the first few months and reality sunk in, I woke up each morning with one single thought in mind… Please give me the strength to move forward with my life.

Moving Forward From Adversity

In order to move forward from any kind of challenge I believe we must make the decision to want to be here on this Earth, living this life. I had personally made that decision a long time ago and knew that I wasn’t going to quit now.

I think we all have opportunities to quit and give up when adversity strikes and at that point you do one of two things:

Succumb to the hard knocks of life either because of fear, anger or worse a dislike of yourself. OR
You make a conscious decision to not give up, to move forward, to honour yourself, and (most of all) to live.

Once you have made that conscious decision, it does not necessarily imply that you will experience smooth sailing from this point forward. However, it will usually mean that you will do whatever it takes to make the most out of your life, no matter what obstacles come your way.

3 Ways to Deal with Adversity

The thing about life changing events is that they tend to leave you feeling naked and (more than a little) fearful. If you try to squash that fear on your own you may be left feeling very alone and vulnerable.

In my experience, the best way to deal with the fear of adversity is to openly talk about it with others. Although by nature I tend to be a fairly private person, I will admit that there are times when keeping things to just yourself are simply detrimental to your health and your mental state.

In a case such as a huge loss or a major life upheaval, it is very important to ask and accept the help of those who love you. In this circumstance, I knew that if I had allowed myself to be buried away, I may never see the light of day again.

For this reason I began doing these three things:

1. Connect with Family

I quickly formed closer relationships with the remainder of my family. My family is small, and consists of two brothers and my father—none of whom live close to me.

My older brother was the most emotionally available. We spent hours on skype daily just talking and checking in with each other.

With my other brother and my dad, I had made sure to email more often and be open about what I was experiencing. This also allowed them to be more comfortable with opening up candidly with me.

2. Stay Close with Friends

On days when I felt like seeing no one and doing nothing, I forced myself to call a good friend and talked—even if it was about nothing.

Just having that social connection is vital to keep from losing your mind. If a friend offers to take you out… GO. On several occasions I went out to dinner with friends when I didn’t feel like going, but found myself feeling much better—better than I had felt in months.

I’ve learned that it is extremely important to stay close with friends and accept any help they may offer. It will help you move forward at a faster rate.

3. Write in a Journal

I have always loved to write but never been much into journaling. That all changed the day my mom died. I have written in a journal every single day since her passing and it has become my biggest life saver.

I used to speak to my mom daily. After she passed away, my journal became my avenue for expressing my thoughts, feelings and daily life.

I realize that not everyone likes to journal, but if you can force yourself to start, you may find yourself getting addicted to it like I did.

Moving Into the Future

The point is to not isolate yourself. Find ways to express your thoughts and feelings. I have found that sharing your experiences is often helpful in deciding what to do next and moving forward with your life.

It is also important to give yourself the space and time you need to absorb the adversity presented to you. It is going to take some time to work your way through the shock, fear, sadness and whatever other emotions you may be experiencing.

At a certain point it will become clear that it is time to either move forward or get stuck in a negative cycle. Hopefully you will see the light around the corner and make the choice to move forward, even if you can’t figure out how to get there yet.

Changing Circumstances

In order move forward you must do one very important thing: make a change. As painful as adversity can be, it also can be a catalyst for forcing you to change something within your life.

For me it was time to gain my independence and stand on my own without the support of my mother.

Even though, I appear to be an independent woman from the outside. I am very much aware of how strong my connection was to her and my inability to let her go and live my own life. Although this is not the way I would have chosen, it is clear that it is time for me to move forward on my own.

The below steps were essential in helping me move forward:

Consider what change seems to be staring you in the face. Why is that change being presented to you and how do you feel about it?
Even if you feared it, decide on what kind of change would make you feel happy and fulfilled.
With the above change in mind, write down a clear goal. Map out a plan of action to make that goal a reality. What steps do you need to take each day in order to move forward, clear past the adversity and change your life for the better?
Be sure to take at least one step each day to move towards your new goal.

Honour the Process

Change is not easy and overcoming adversity is a process and a journey. I believe it is important to honour that process and accept its ups and downs.

When you feel as though you have been stripped down to your most vulnerable self, there is no one quick-fix to make you feel better. Like it or not, you will be forced to go along for the ride. Accepting this process is part of the journey.

If I can leave you with one positive thought it would be that even when life changes and you must deal with great pain there is always light around the corner, you just have to take the steps to find it.

Take the time you need to find that light. When you wake up each morning, tell yourself that “Today, I will move forward one little step at a time.”

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About the Author

Allison Mac is a continuous student of life who tries her very best to live with conscious intention. She is a freelance writer who has a passion for teaching and writing about how the mind and body are interconnected. She blogs regularly at Binaural Beats Online and reviews brainwave audios for meditation and stress relief such as binaural beats and isochronic tones.

Think Simple Now » happiness

Finding Myself: Why I’m Quitting My Job

Finding Courage to Leave My Job

Takeaway #1:

Economic Changes that Took Place

1. Simplify Living Conditions

2. Get the Finances in Check

Takeaway #2:

Be Who You Are (First)

Love What You Do (Secondly)

Parting Wish & Takeaway #3:

Articles Related to Finding Myself:

How to Lose Weight Fast

How I Started to Lose Weight

At the Heart of Weight Loss: Calories Baby!

The Diet Plan to Fast Weight Loss

Tips for The Person Losing Weight

1. Measure

2. Low Friction

3. Be Nice to Yourself

4. Conscious Eating

5. Self Image & Self Dialog

Closing Words

About the Author:

Similar Articles on How to Lose Weight Fast:

Discover Your Personal Values

Finding My Personal Values

Value #1: Truth

Value #2: Self-Love

Value #3: Set an Example

Value #4: Empowerment

Value #5: Creating What I Crave

Value #6: Humor

Value #7: Love Everyone

Value #8: Aesthetics

Parting Words

About the Author

Related Stories on Personal Values

How to Ignite Personal Change

1. Pattern & Root Cause

2. You Are In Control

3. Positive Payback

Related Articles on Personal Change

9 Ways to Overcome Negative Emotions

1. Recognize the Power of Emotions

2. Emotions Doesn’t Always Represent the Truth

3. Avoid Toxic People

4. Ask for Support

5. Use Words as a Tool to Feel Better

6. The Underlying Message

7. Wait Two Seconds Before Responding

8. Take Care of Your Physical Needs.

9. Ask “What’s one thing I could do right now?”

Parting Words on Negative Emotions

About the Author

Related Stories on Negative Emotions

Gift Ideas that Inspire

Gift Ideas: Books that Changed My Life

1. PhilosophersNotes

2. The Millionaire Fastlane

3. Brain Rules

4. Super Rich

5. Personal MBA

6. Brain Rules for Baby

6. Do the Work & The War of Art

Resources

How to Stop Negative Self Talk

My Story of Negative Self Talk

Related Stories on Negative Self Talk

The Story of Expanded Awareness

About the Author

Stories Related to Awareness You May Like:

How Great Leaders Inspire Action

How to Face Adversity – Art of Moving Forward

Moving Forward From Adversity

3 Ways to Deal with Adversity

1. Connect with Family

2. Stay Close with Friends

3. Write in a Journal

Moving Into the Future