Archive for updates
We Have a Baby Boy!
Posted on 01.06.10 | 97 Comments
Ryan, one day old.After spending 4 weeks on hospital bed rest, at week 32 of my pregnancy, I was sent home - after the doctors were confident that I wouldn’t deliver within the next few weeks. One day later, while resting peacefully at home, I went into labor. A few short hours later, I gave birth to baby Ryan (photos here).
On Dec 20th, at 7:07am, Ryan Ananda Sawatzky - weighing 4 lbs, 4 oz and measuring 18 inches long - popped out of me like a football, after 6 short hours of contractions, 22 minutes of pushing and about 12 pushes in total.
The whole thing happened so quickly, and relatively painlessly. I was focused on being relaxed, and put all my awareness on my breath. I remained calm through out, and while Jeremy shouted “Holy S*&#!” as Ryan came out, I remarked calmly, and with a monotone voice, “That was easy”; we captured it all on video.
You know when you see mothers give birth on TV, you always see the mother crying as she holds her baby for the first time. I wasn’t sure whether I would cry or not. I didn’t want to fall into the cliché, yet, I wasn’t sure if that was a pre-requisite for good mothers.
When they wrapped him up tightly like a burrito in a soft blanket and placed his little body into my arms, I looked down, and saw just his tiny round face exposed, already fast asleep.
I marveled at how complete he was, how serene he looked, how cute his cheeks were, and how much his button nose resembled my own. It was like looking at my own face. I started marveling at the miracle that my body could produce something so perfect and complete. Then I started laughing, and then without any conscious effort, I burst into tears.
Feeling Lonely + Baby Updates
Posted on 12.16.09 | 47 Comments
Photo by Vadim PacevBy Tina Su
Two weeks ago, I wrote about optimism when things don’t go our way. Well, this week, I could have used some of that optimism. I think the honeymoon period of living in a hospital is over.
So, I’ve been at the hospital for a little over 3 weeks, on bed rest. It’s been two weeks since Jeremy returned to work, so I spend most days alone on my fancy multi-adjustable hospital bed, with 7 pillows, a laptop and the TV remote.
In the beginning, I thought I was at the Ritz hotel. Nurses remind me of when I should take my pills, I get to hear my baby’s heart beat twice a day, my contractions are being monitored regularly, there’s daily house-keeping and an array of food choices at the push of a button - just like room service, except, it’s free and no tipping.
Then, I found out a week ago that I had Gestational Diabetes (GD) - a common but temporary symptom for 16% of pregnant women during the third trimester (28 weeks until delivery). Which means I’m on food restrictions.
The nurse of the day happily walked in and handed me a new menu - it says “Diabetes Diet Menu“. Because I don’t eat meat or eggs, my choices became further limited.
I was frustrated. I felt sad.
Embracing the Unexpected
Posted on 12.03.09 | 49 Comments
Photo by Edwin StempBy Tina Su
What do you do when things do not go your way? While being upset seems like the most natural reaction, sometimes, you just have to let it go, accept it for what it is, do the best you can and find the gift within.
A week ago today, Jeremy and I were traveling back from a trip to Mexico - a little tropical getaway as a couple before baby Ryan is born.
During the first flight back, I experienced sharp lower abdominal cramps. After 16 hours of traveling, 4 hours of bad sleep upon returning home, and stubbornly resisting Jeremy’s persistence to go to the hospital, that is exactly where I ended up.
Turns out, I had been in preterm labor for the past 17 hours. Being a first time mother, I didn’t know what a contraction actually felt like. What I thought was simply cramps from gas and baby movement turned out to be contractions.
When the doctor checked me at 5am that eventful Monday morning, I was dilated to 2cm, contracting every 4 minutes and my cervix had thinned to 50%. My body was getting ready to deliver a baby. At the time, I was 28 weeks pregnant.
Having only found out about my pregnancy 8 weeks earlier, the thought of possibly delivering a premature baby that day was surprising and terrifying. Thus began a frightful and confusing journey over the next 48 hours.
The following is a tale of what happened in my corner of the world during those few days, and what I’ve learned.
The Ups and Downs of Life + Personal News
Posted on 10.15.09 | 101 Comments
Photo by Vadim PacevBy Tina Su
Coming back from India, I was floating on a cloud of utter joy, blissfully unaware of the personal challenges and surprises that were about to hit me in the coming month.
While I had fantasized over the telling of what has happened over the past month, it quickly became obvious that the toughest part of my job is the potential of disclosing too much about my personal life, thus invading the privacy of those closes to me. Despite the juiciness of the story, I’ve decided to leave most of the details private.
I contemplated on why I wanted to write about it, and it became clear to me that the essence of the story is that we are forever riding the ups and downs of life, and that sometimes when the downs get really down, we lose touch with reality. In those moments, all we need is hope and a gentle nudge to remind us that it is only temporary, and that the highs are not far away.
Living Enlightenment – A Personal Report
Posted on 09.10.09 | 90 Comments
Photo by Vanessa PaxtonBy: Tina Su
After 76 days of living in an ashram in a tiny village town East of Bangalore in India, I am home at last.
I still have not found a proper one-liner that concisely answers the common question, “How was it?” A cliché “Good!” seemed appropriate to satisfy the questioner, but it is not the right answer. I’ve tried several answers and nothing seems to accurately conjure what I experienced. “I’ll write about it soon” quickly became my reply… and soon, I started to avoid people all together.
In this article - which is a personal update for those interested - I will attempt to share some slices of experience from my spiritual journey for the past 3 months.
There is so much I want to say, yet there is nothing I feel like saying. I wish to convey my feelings without words, but that isn’t possible over the Internet, so I will do my best with words.
Whenever reminded of my experience, my first instinctual response is to feel an utter space of peace, and sometimes, I feel like crying, tears of Joy and pain which I experienced and overcome, tears of gratitude … grateful for my transformation, grateful for the space of unattached clarity and undisturbed bliss. During this time, I had witnessed many miracles, which are truly beyond words and logic.
Time for a Retreat – Personal Update
Posted on 06.13.09 | 70 Comments
By: Tina Su
(Update 07/08/2009: I’ve decided to extend my stay for two more months, and will be in India until September.)
For the next four weeks, I will be living in an ashram near Bangalore India. I will be attending a meditation and spiritual retreat called Inner Awakening that I have been anticipating for many months now.
It’s an opportunity to learn directly from an enlightened guru in a serene environment, along with several hundred other spiritual seekers from around the world.
I’ve decided not to bring my laptop or cell phone, and to fully emerse myself in the experience. Besides, a month without technology sounds like a really nice cleanse of its own.
During this time, no new articles will be published. However, there are a ton of articles published in the past that you may like, so check them out. I’ve also listed out my favorite articles at the end of this post.
