How to See Today In New LightChange is the only constant. ~Heraclitus
I was constantly requesting change but viewing everything with the same lens and mindset that had created what I didn’t want in the first place.
I was blind to the changes that had occurred and were constantly occurring, caught in a battle between the reality I perceived and the reality that actually existed.
Often times this is how we handle our relationships — we spend an exorbitant amount of time pushing for positive change, but our attention has been stuck for so long on what’s wrong that we don’t adjust when things begin shifting and moving in a different direction.
We may be living and breathing in the current moment, but we are constantly reacting to past circumstances, past hurts and past disappointments. And despite how fluid and constantly changing things are — and we’ve all been witness to this — we don’t operate from a place that recognizes this fact of life.
Lessons Not Yet Learned
Recently I’ve begun to notice the patterns in my relationships — situations that continue to arise over an over again, even after I believe they have been resolved and we’ve moved on.
Yet the Universe continues to place the same challenges in my path. Why? Because I am not recognizing the part that I was playing — and continuing to play — in my relationships, and the lessons hadn’t yet been learned.
I’ve been in a constantly evolving relationship for the past eight years — with major and minor breaks in between — but I was still viewing my partner for the boy he was when we started dating.
Now adults with more substantial life experience under our belts, I was reacting to current situations with past events still playing in my mind. I wasn’t trusting now because we had situations that tested our trust years ago. I wasn’t feeling loved now because he didn’t plan a proper celebration for my birthday last year.
Viewing the Present as the Past
He was changing, adjusting to my requests and trying to create the best relationship possible. But I was still viewing the present as the past.
How often do we not go for opportunities we desire because we remember being rejected for something eons ago? How often do we remain closed off to making new connections because we were deeply hurt in a past relationship?
It can be a challenge to see today in such a way that is untainted by what happened yesterday, but that’s where true appreciation and joy stem from — the ability to see everything as new, pure and full of possibilities.
You may be wishing, praying and even working to create change in your life. The question is not whether it will happen; it’s if you will recognize it when it does.
Are you able to see today in an entirely new light? Here are a few ways you can get to a place where you can.
Notice the Little Things
Change doesn’t mean a complete overhaul; it can be reflected in the smallest and least recognizable places.
I spent months berating my boyfriend for not helping out more around the house. My request was broad — I just wanted more from him. I became irritated when he didn’t automatically start emptying the dishwasher before being asked or putting all of his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them strewn all over the floor.
Then, the other day I came home to see that he had completed and folded a load of laundry. It wasn’t life changing, but it meant that he had been listening and consciously trying to make an effort.
If you have been waiting for the day when your boss actually expresses gratitude for the work you do, pay careful attention to the one time when he says “thank you.” Change is being created — you simply have to help foster it with your recognition.
Pay Careful Attention to Patterns
After leaving an unhealthy relationship plagued by trust issues, my friend recently entered a new relationship. Despite the major differences between the two, she found herself reacting in the new relationship to past hurts from her old relationship — automatically becoming worried if he didn’t call on time, being suspicious of his activities, etc.
While he wasn’t doing anything wrong, more and more situations began to crop up for her to feel insecure and worried. Why? Because by operating from the feelings of the past, she was creating room for her to feel that in the present.
If we don’t make a conscious effort to react to reality as it appears today, we halt positive change and start recreating exactly what we were hoping to move away from.
Recognize Your Power
Think about a situation in your life that you had wished desperately would change, and it eventually did — for the better. You may not be able to explain exactly how it happened, but you played a major part in that. You created that.
Often times we aren’t able to recognize when change happens because we don’t believe in our own power to make it happen. You are constantly creating change in your life, it’s simply a matter of channeling your energy into making it positive, then being aware when it actually comes into fruition.
Decide what you want to change, then approach it with the mindset that it’s on its way to you — you have set it in motion and it’s only a matter of time before it’s yours. Anticipate the change and you’ll be more likely to notice it when it occurs.
Baggage is something we all have. Sometimes it serves us, but more often than not it accumulates as fear, with that guise that it’s protecting us from making a mistake or being hurt in the present.
It keeps us stuck in a reality that no longer exists, turning away the positive experiences we could be apart of today.
Recognize when you are operating from past hurts, experiences or beliefs. This is the first step to realigning yourself with what is, and that could just be a multitude of positive changes that are already in place.
How do you open yourself up to a new perspective? How do you keep your past from affecting your present?