5 Tips for Facing ProblemsThe passport to living is to imagine yourself in your grave. Imagine you’re lying in your coffin … Now look at your problems from that viewpoint. Changes everything, doesn’t it? ~Anthony de Mello
After weeks of plans falling through and unexpected circumstances arising at every turn, we came back together with a wall already formed. Some of the unrest was voiced, some of it was simply felt by the palpable anger we had allowed to grow between us.
We skirted around the issues by avoiding each other, making sure to plan our schedules so that we could sit alone in the frustration we both felt for very different reasons.
After a lengthy relationship, this wasn’t the first time we had encountered problems — problems of miscommunication, unmet expectations, etc., etc., etc. — but this bump in the road was starting to make me feel as if our relationship had an expiration date.
And that I couldn’t deal with.
So I wallowed in the sadness, relying heavily on sleep medication to ensure that I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night with a storm of thoughts raging in my mind.
The problems, when left to simmer, felt insurmountable and after some time of not putting a name to them, virtually impossible to describe. They ballooned into something entirely different than what they started out as.
When we’re smack dab in the middle of a troublesome situation — especially one in which we have a deep fear of the outcome — it can be incredibly hard to put things in perspective.
Yet, if we are searching for a way to reach the other side and put the flurry of emotions to rest, that’s exactly what must be done.
Here are five things to remember in order to avoid being consumed by a problem.
1. This Too Shall Pass
Every situation, no matter how upsetting or massively out of control it may seem, has an end. It may not be immediate, but somewhere along the line, it will shift, change shape and turn into something else. That’s just the way the world works.
Yet, no matter how many times we have experienced this in our lives, we still tend to harbor a fear that there is no end to the pain and heartache we feel in the moment. This only feeds the feeling of unrest.
I can be incredibly dramatic when it comes to handling issues that arise, allowing the emotion to consume every aspect of my life, so I have an arsenal of experience to reflect on when I start thinking that there is no end to the pain I’m currently feeling.
All I have to do is think about another situation — equal in emotional upset — to realize that there was an end to that pain, therefore there must be an end to the pain I’m currently dealing with.
The end will come, so sit back and wait for time to pass.
2. Everything You Experience is for Your Benefit
The Universe does not create coincidences — it creates lessons. Therefore every situation, no matter how emotionally trying it may be, has a lesson embedded in it. And lessons are what help us grow.
Every fight I’ve had in my relationship and every issue I’ve had to tackle taught me something valuable — either about myself, my partner or about relationships in a general context. If we weren’t presented with these opportunities, there would be virtually no point in entering into a partnership in the first place.
Knowing that a situation has a purpose and the problem didn’t occur out of the blue can allow you to focus on something essential — the solution. What’s the lesson that’s being presented to you and how can you use that information to reach a better place?
3. You Created This Moment
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it can also give you hope. If you created your current circumstance, you can certainly create a more positive situation in the future.
It’s easy to forget the power we have in creating our experiences, because there is a lag in time. We think the thoughts (sometimes without even realizing we are doing so), then there is a pause before they become our reality.
But don’t let that fool you. Your thoughts and deep-seated beliefs, along with the actions you took as a result of those thoughts and beliefs, created the turmoil you are currently experiencing.
Yes, you are that powerful.
That just gives you an even bigger reason to shed a positive light on your current situation.
4. You Can Choose Your Focus
Not only did you create the situation you are in, but you have the ability now to decide what aspect of the experience will expand and which will fall away.
How? By deciding where to place your attention.
In relationships, for instance, the amount of love and adoration we have for someone often depends on our ability to find the good in that person and concentrate solely on that.
On the other hand, if we select what we deem to be the “bad” in that person and place all of our energy into focusing on that, a significant part of that love could fall away.
It’s the same person, but the feelings we feel toward that person rely heavily on one thing — where our attention lies.
So being able to find the glimmer of good in a situation might mean the difference between a positive outcome and a negative one.
5. You Are Never Alone
Dealing with tough situations can often lead to a feeling of isolation and a belief that no one could possibly understand what you are going through.
Yes, your situation is probably unique, but the beauty of the human experience is that we all go through the same universal heartaches. At any time you choose, you have a wealth of knowledge and support to pull from.
You simply have to be willing to ask for it.
Put words to your thoughts and ask for help. This can do wonders in helping you to see the root of the issue, deciding on a solution, and determining what patterns or beliefs created the situation in the first place.
What helps you when you’re facing a problem? Do you have any tips you’d like to share?