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How to End a Relationship

Photo by Erik Clausen

Breaking up with someone you love can be one of the toughest emotional struggles you’ll go through. How have you handled breakups in the past? What can you do to minimize pain for the other person and yourself?

I’ve been on quite an emotional ride recently. What has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind involves a slice from my personal life. Without going into details, Adam, my partner for the past year, and I have decided to part ways. We will remain good friends.

The past three weeks have been a tremendously painful period, feelings of empathy mixed with remorse and guilt. The impulse to burst into tears would hit me sporadically throughout the day.

When I first wrote about the art of keeping a relationship, my friend Pete Forde suggested that perhaps people could also benefit from an article on how to end a relationship. I noted his brilliant suggestion without further thought. Little did I know, this would become the center of my experience a month later.

This being a sensitive topic, I had a tough time finding genuine and in-depth resources online. My goal here is to capture the understanding and wisdom I’ve gained from going through this event, and to perhaps be of help or a point of clarity for your life story.

Feel free to add points that I’ve missed in the comment section. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.


Why Relationships End & Other Realizations

As painful as a relationship can be as it’s ending, the experience can be a source of profound learning and personal growth. I’ve learned as the years goes by, just when you are getting comfortable, life will throw something at you which challenges that comfort. Don’t big life shifts always appear this way?

Instead of looking at these challenges with frustration, treat them as an opportunity for change in the life direction you were meant to lead and benefit from. The following are some realizations I’ve learned with regards to relationships and the ending of them.

1. The Failure Misconception

Socially, we tend to correlate the ending of a relationship with failure. We even articulate it as such; we say, “I’ve failed in this relationship”. By framing as such, we leave a negative impression in our minds and an association with relationships in general.

The ending of a relationship is not a failure, but rather the ending of a life situation in our story. We were meant to experience the relationship for its joyful moments and we were meant to learn from its challenges. New life and death are all around us. Every inhale we take is a birth and each exhale is the death of that breath; and life continues.

2. Being Honest to Your Needs

It’s important to clearly understand our needs in a relationship and qualities in a mate. Be absolutely honest with yourself and don’t compromising the qualities that are essential to you. What typically happens when we find a quality, which deeply matters to us, is missing in our partner, we think that they can be changed.

Truth is, we can’t make people change we can only change ourselves. Small things will magnify with time. Be conscious of these small things and be honest with yourself. Understand your needs and be true to yourself. We only have a set amount of time in this life, make it matter.

3. Fear and Guilt

We stay in relationships that we know aren’t necessarily right for us because we are afraid. We fear loneliness, we fear hurting our partner, and we fear having to deal with uncomfortable situations. The guilt comes in when we recognize that we are not being honest with ourselves and thus being unfair to our partners.

4. ‘Borrowed’ Desires

Sometimes in the presence of someone who is completely focused in getting what they want (ie. Your love), it influences your desires when in their presence. You pick up their strong vibe and their desire transfers to you.

In a relationship, if one partner feels significantly stronger than the other, sometimes this strong desire rubs off on the other person. In the presence of the more interested partner, the less interested partner will feel that “This is the right thing for me. This feels right.” When separated from the partner with the strong desire, the less interested partner will feel less intense or indifferent about the relationship.

5. Love and Romance Can Be Mutually Exclusive

Sometimes when we have strong connections with people, we instantly relate it to a romantic relationship, and end up jumping into one with them. You can love people without being in a romantic relationship. I think we are socially conditioned to believe that love for someone equals romance.

Truth is, the love we feel for others comes from a beautiful place within ourselves, that infinite feeling of love is an expression of our true nature, it has nothing to do with other people. Instead of jumping into romance, we can cultivate a harmonious friendship with that person.

6. Social Pressure

I felt the social pressure when considering my options. But at the end of the day, that pressure comes from my ego out of fear that I would look bad. I have a public image and on some level, I was afraid what people might think of me afterwards. That can turn into negative self talk.

Here is an example of such a thought, “What would my friends think? What would my readers think? I am a horrible person.” I got out of this state by gaining clarity and recognizing that I needed to be honest with myself.

7. Loss of Friendship

Traditionally, when relationships end, we tend to cut everything off. It’s silly to conclude that after sharing months and years with someone, that if one component of the relationship changes, all else must be cut off. Why can’t we continue the other components of the relationship after our hearts are healed? Friendship does not have to be lost.

8. Fantasy Fueled By Desire

We let our minds get caught up in an idea, a vision of how something should be, and we end up living in that fantasy instead of reality. We repeatedly play the same videos in our mind, and believe that we will be happy when our life situation matches that of the mental videos. The same applies to our idea of relationships. It is easy to let our desires get in the way of reality, and we end up living in a fantasy world within our current relationship… until one day, we wake up from that fantasy.

How to Break Up with Someone

Photo via Erik Clausen

Once you’ve decided that parting ways is the best solution, doing the actual break up can be pretty nerve racking, since people’s hearts are on the line. Here is a series of steps to help you through it and suggestions of ways to reduce pain caused to the other person.

1. Clarity

Make sure you understand why you are doing it. Sometimes the surface reason isn’t the real reason. Dig deep within yourself to find the real reason. Being surrounded by the situation can cloud your judgment. Separate yourself from the situation and spend some alone time. This will help you gain the clarity you need. I’ve found journaling to be an effective tool.

2. Self Honesty

Make the commitment to be honest with yourself and the other person. The truth will set you free. Be committed to that.

3. Setup Meeting Time

Setup mutual time to talk to your partner as soon as possible. Some people are opposed to phone breakups. I think that face-to-face is always best, but if distance separates you, it’s best to do so as soon as possible rather than waiting.

4. State of Compassion

Before your meeting, get into a state of compassion for the other person. In a state of compassion, you will exude love and understanding, which you’ll need to help the other person heal. Some suggestions to help you get into a compassionate state:

  • Deep Breathing – Stand up straight, close your eyes, and place your hand on your heart. Take deep, long inhales and exhales. You can count the inhale/exhale length. After inhaling, hold your breath for a 5 count before exhaling slowly. Repeat at least 15 times.
  • Gratitude – Sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, and picture everything you are grateful for. One by one, images of people, situations, places, and things appear in your imagination. Alternatively, try writing this down instead of visualizing.
  • Focus on Love – Close your eyes. Optionally, put on some slow music which you enjoy. In your imagination, go back to all the times when you felt loved and when you felt love for others. Imagine times where you truly felt happy and free. Imagine yourself as a little kid, experiencing joy and freedom. Do this exercise for at least 5-10 minutes.

5. The Meeting

During the meeting, focus on communicating your reasons clearly and respectfully for the sake of the other person. Here are some additional pointers for when explaining yourself during the meeting:

  1. When explaining, focus on how things made you feel, this way your partner doesn’t get defensive. Make it clear that the situation is not their fault, since blaming doesn’t add value in helping the situation.
  2. Talk about things you’ve learned from the relationship and what you are grateful for.
  3. Be Genuine in everything that you say. If you don’t mean something, don’t say it. People can detect when you are not being authentic.

6. Be There

Your partner will get emotional and possibly very upset. They will bounce between different emotional states. Your job is to be there for them. Become the observer of the situation. Stay conscious, calm and alert.

7. Don’t take anything personally

When we are emotional and feeling hurt, we can easily become irrational and say things we don’t mean. Don’t be surprised if your partner acts like a small child and says unreasonable or mean things to you. They don’t mean it. They are simply hurt and need attention from you. Don’t take anything personally. Become the observer so you don’t get attached to what’s being said and react defensively.

8. Love Them

Love them regardless of the situation. They are human and have feelings. Remember you can love people without needing to be in a romantic relationship with them. Be there for them in that state of love and compassion, regardless of how they react. This will help you find your center, while remaining calm to best help the other person deal with the situation.

9. Fully Express Emotions

If you feel like crying, do it, and do it fully. This will release the emotional clutter in your inner space.

10. Multiple Meetings

it really takes several days before news can sink in. Don’t expect to meet once and be done with it. It is your responsibility to be there for that person, at least initially during a breakup situation.

11. Be Available

Do whatever is necessary to help them heal without compromising your values. Be available for them when they need you.

12. Space

Give them space. They will be hurt no matter what, so even if they appear fine on the outside, they are hurting. What they need now is time. Check up on them a few times in the beginning to make sure they are okay and to let them know that they matter. Remind them that you are here if they need your help to heal.

13. Relinquish Guilt

You may experience guilt, since you are the one initiating the breakup. You see that you’ve caused pain and this may affect your state of being. The following are some ideas that help to let go of this feeling:

  1. Meditation
  2. Deep Breathing
  3. Alone Time
  4. Exercise to Release Energy

How to Cope with Your Partner Leaving

I’ve had my share of heart breaks and understand what it feels like to be on the receiving end. It hurts, it really hurts. You feel like it’s the end of the world, and you wonder how you can possibly get over it. You will feel pain and despair, but I promise you, you will get over it. Time is the magic ingredient.

Photo via Aurora

I will have an in depth article on this topic soon. For now, here are some pointers for those on the receiving end of breakups. These have been helpful for me in the past.

  • Talk With Friends – In verbalizing your thoughts and options, you’ll gain better understanding and perspective.
  • Surround Yourself with Positive Energy – Be surrounded by friends and family. Be around happy and optimistic people. Be around people you like. Be around people who can make you laugh.
  • Love Yourself – Spend time inwards with loving yourself. Doing things to appreciate and love yourself will help you gain the self confidence and independence you need to heal. When was the last time you really appreciated yourself?
  • It’s Okay to Cry – In fact, I recommend it. Express the pain and let it all out. Don’t hold anything back, cry fully. Letting it out will be liberating for your being. It’s okay to cry.
  • Find the Lesson – What did you learn through this relationship? I’m a big believer that good can come out of every situation, even ones we’ve perceived as bad. Focus on what you’ve gained in life lessons that you wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
  • Fully Experiencing the Pain – When pain strikes, our instinct is to avoid it. We distract ourselves with other tasks while suppressing the pain. This doesn’t actually make the pain go away. “What we resist, persists.” The best way to deal with the pain is by fully facing it. Closing your eyes, fully experience that feeling of sharp pain within your being, and become the observer of that pain within you. Separate the observer from the pain.
  • Gratitude Visualization – Put your hands on your heart and gently shut your eyes. Visualize all the things, experiences, and people that you are thankful for. If you are visualizing a person, see their face smiling at you with joy and kindness. Give thanks for all the things we take for granted, parts of our body, the things we enjoy about our jobs, people who love us. Give thanks to your heart, which works continuously, without which we wouldn’t be here. Give thanks to our safe homes, the abundance of food, and clothing to keep us warm. Give thanks to people who have been kind to us. Give thanks to authors who have inspired us. Gratitude puts you in a state of love, acceptance and understanding.
  • Benefits to Me? – Focus on how this new situation can help you. Maybe you will now have the free time to pursue something that’s important to you. Maybe you can gain the independence and freedom you’ve wanted to experience for yourself.
  • Time Heals – After the initial shock has sunk in and you’ve had plenty of communication with your ex, take time to be separated from your ex partner. It’s hard to gain clarity, perspectives and independence while being reminded of them constantly. I recommend taking a few weeks to be apart: no meeting, no emails, no phone calls. With time, you will heal.
  • Silence Heals – Sit silently and observe your emotions and thoughts. Have a journal and pen at your side. When you have a realization, write it down in your journal. Use journaling as a tool to help you sort out your thoughts. It has the power to help you gain clarity.


* How have you handled breakups in the past? How would you do it differently if given the chance? Got tips for coping with breakups from the receiving end?  Share your voice in the comments below. Let’s make this a collective learning experience. Thank you for sharing this moment with me.

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About the author

Tina Su is a mom, a wife, a lover of Apple products and a CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) for our motivational community: Think Simple Now. She is obsessed with encouraging and empowering people to lead conscious and happy lives. Subscribe to new inspiring stories each week. You can also subscribe to Tina on Facebook.

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255 thoughts on How to End a Relationship

  1. billy

    I don’t do break ups very well. They are a roller-coaster. My ex finished with me, it was coming. We live in seperate towns and it was done by e mail and text. She won’t talk because she says it’s hard. It is. I sincerely hope time heals, for both of us.

  2. @Billy

    Time works, dude, it really does. It’s been a long time since my breakup, and everything is just fine now. Give it six months, a year, and you’ll be as right as rain. No contact is best, just vanish and forget them.

  3. LJC

    Very good article, well written and thought out. I’ve been through several breakups, the most recent…today. I googled the subject and found this article. Thank you. I agree with everything you’ve said. For those just going through this for the first time, TIME is the key. No question about it…you will feel better.

  4. Annie

    i need advice…
    50% of my friends say i need to break up. But i cant let go of my boyfriend. The second i even think of doing it, i have memories flash through my head and i cant even approach him and have a talk about it.

    i do love him and he loves me dearly. he’s the perfect man ive ever met… there is imperfections but i love him so much i see those imperfections as perfection for me. There is multiple problem in our relationship… #1 he’s 20 and he’s not doing anything with his life, he took a break from school and all he does is go to the gym, eat and sleep. #2 hes never worked in his life and he’s no even trying to find work. #3 his family hates me even though they never got to know me, i met his mother and brother because i had lost contact with him, and when i came to his house to find out what had happened, i found out that he had gotten into a fight with his family because of us being together… and that’s the first time i ever saw them… and they told me to stay away from him. i lost contact with him for a whole week not being able to see or talk to him and after that his family has not known about our relationship for another ten months and counting from that incident… #4 he got his license suspended and we live in different cities, so now i can hardly see him…. and there so many more problems!!! biggest problem now is his family… the fact that they don”t know were together and also once he tells them they’re going to tell him if he chooses me never to come into contact with them ever again and leave the house… or chose them and break up with me….

    HELP ME! :(
    i don’t know what to do.
    any advice??????

  5. Shaun

    Hi there.

    I have got to go through with a relationship break up in the next couple of weeks. I am holding off just yet as I feel that it is important that I get a few things in order before I break the news to my girlfriend. We have lived with each other for 7 years now. It is going to be tremendously difficult for both of us. I have been aware that things are not right between us for a considerable amount of time and have never been able to go through with the break.

    I have no choice now. My mental health is beginning to suffer greatly and I am at breaking point.

    Thank you for your article. I have added you in my favs and will return to your blog many times over them next few months I am certain. I need to remind myself that I have to be strong and act like an adult about this.

    Thanks again
    Shaun G

  6. Josie

    I needed this passage and knew I must end it…I will talk soon to him so he and I can move on…Our time was not a waste but I know he will take it hard…I am sorry to hurt him….thanks for sharing your words on line

  7. Amber

    So, I happened upon this article while pondering whether I should break up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. We have lived together for about 4.5 of those years, and he recently moved back to my hometown with me. Beings as he doesn’t know anyone here, has nowhere to go, and can’t afford to get his own apartment at the moment, I was feeling really bad. Couple that with the fact that he is the sweetest, most loving guy who would do absolutely anything for me, I’ve just been wrestling with whether or not to break it off. I have had really good luck with guys in my past and am scared that if I break it off with him, I will inevitably never find anyone who will treat me as good or love and appreciate me as much as he does. My problem, though, is that I am not sexually attracted to him these days and I feel bored with the relationship. I also feel like I need some time for myself to live on my own and find myself, if you will. I know I have been acting differently towards him lately, and I can tell he is anticipating a breakup. Seeing the sadness in his eyes makes me cry, and I have just been sick with guilt over the whole situation the past month and needed some advice.
    This article was a great resource for me to use, but the comments on it have actually helped me to see the situation in a different way and make my decision. I do have a good thing going and it’s true that both parties in a relationship should at least try to change something before calling it quits. So I have decided to sit down and talk to my boyfriend about how I’m feeling. His brother is moving to my hometown in December and I think it would be best if he moved in with him. I still want to be with him, but I think we should take a break from living with each other to restore some of the mystery and spark in our relationship. We moved in together after only 4 months (because of a housing issue on my end, then it was convenient, so I stayed…lol) so I am willing to give this a try to salvage us. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out, I guess it would also mean less strings attached.
    I feel like a weight has been lifted and also don’t feel as guilty about wanting a change. Does anyone else think this would be a good idea? I would love some input on the situation.

  8. Charlie

    It’s easy to breakup after a year but how do you after 8+ years a child together and you wanted to marry them? How do you end it?

    I’ve had months of him telling me we will marry this year infront of the children off his own back when it came to it he backed off, we are in the process of buying s business together to run as a family near finalised he told me we can’t live together I can’t be a part of it, without all my hard work it wouldn’t be his!

    So he expects to sleep here 3-4 times a week, I cook for him every night and be a “family” but he takes “our” business for himself and I stay alone here with the children? Because he doesn’t like to answer to anyone about any digressions he has.

    I love him it’s been 8 years but I’m so exhausted with crying anyone can you help me?

  9. angelene

    Thank you for your article it has some very helpful insights. I was recently broken up with in a brutal manner. One night my ex stormed out of my home saying he never wants to see me again or have any contact. I tried calling and texting over the next few weeks and he has replied to nothing.

    When you say how one should break off a relationship none of this kind of horrific behaviour is in there. I am totally heartbroken, left without an explanation, without closure, without one phone call or text just to check if I am still alive.

    How can I get over something like this when just normal grieving is nearly impossible for me at the moment.
    I would appreciate anyone’s advice.

  10. someone

    hi angelene,

    your situation reminds one of a previous time, when one was left in a similar manner. As you describe, one was denied the opportunity for closure and the raw nerves left seemed to inhibit any kind of healing. Just the continual spiral of ‘why’ and constant re-evaluation and revisiting — in hopes of locating a coherent narrative to make the current situation palatable and understandable.

    In the time since, the realisation has been that closure is in fact a de facto personal decision and really no input from the other party is required or necessary to foment that closure.

    All the days of waiting, the unanswered messages, the nights awake, and the mornings feeling empty and exhausted. Waiting for some connection that never came. It took several months to realise that one can heal themselves, by looking at the situation objectively and holistically.

    The reality is that people snap. They make a decision in a moment and those decisions affect their own lives as well as the lives of those around them. And regardless of any kind of expectation of decorum or appropriate behaviour, sometimes there is neither. Despite the love shared and the intensity of feelings, sometimes the door just closes and that’s it.

    Someone wise said once that the entire relationship is categorised in the break-up. Who the people really are — how they conduct themselves — is expressed wholly and significantly in how they choose to end significant relationships.

    In the previous case mentioned, closure was not required from the other party but rather, from looking at our time together objectively and seeing that her departure was inline with her overall behaviour. Her departure without saying a word was not out of character, rather, it was exactly in character. The evidence was there — building up over time — and the disempowerment and confusion came from one’s own expectations about ‘how I would act’ in the same situation. I would never leave someone in such a moment and treat my former partner with such… abandonment.

    Yet, there one was. Alone and isolated. The longer that I waited and expected something different than what was, the greater degree of sadness and depression was experienced. Until finally, I realised that there was simply nothing to be done. The situation in hand was the situation in hand.

    From that moment, the closure was self-propelled. All of thinking started changing, including the key realisation that despite the fact that I was happy and ready to take the next step with that partner, she was not. Yet, her lack of readiness and commitment did not reflect upon my own. Those were entirely hers to own.

    Thus, the final blossom came when realising that I liked the way I was in the relationship. I treated her well and did my absolute best to be open, authentic, and present in our time together. Rather than devaluing those aspects, instead, those were aspects that are important to me in both myself and someone else. And instead of wondering when she was going to contact me and provide me with what was needed to move on, I found it myself. In the form of someone else who was ready to share their lives more completely and be a better match for the kind of relationship and life I wanted.

    Basically, don’t wait any longer. There are no answers there that you need. The only answer you need is within yourself. You have within you the desire and capability to be loved and love. The fact that was misplaced is fine, the real next step is to continue the journey.

    In time, he may come and find you and want to have a chat. And when that happens, you may well find yourself looking upon him with pity and sadness, for you will indeed see that something was wrong with that relationship, that is enough, and nothing else needs to be said.

    It’s not easy, but what I say is true.

  11. Alan

    Hi Tina,

    I have been reading (and re-reading) a lot of your blog entries lately and I came across this article for some obvious reasons, and also out of curiosity. It was recently that I had a break-up, and of course it’s not easy and it never will be, for anyone. I am particularly interested to hear your views about a point that you made in this article: the fact that we can still be friends with our ex. For the sake of more clarification, I am on the receiving end of the break-up but it’s very clear that my ‘friend’ has chose not to keep in touch at all by ignoring all of my text messages etc etc. I am not stalking her at all but the hardest bit of this situation is the fact that what was once a ‘close’ friend has now became a total stranger. I know it’s not easy to explain affairs of the heart. Since the break-up, I am learning to let go bit by bit as well and to occupy my mind with something else in my life. Just wish to hear your five cents worth. Thanks Tina for your blog and writings.

  12. Danielle

    Dear Tina,

    A very profound and thoughtful article. I believe the best thing someone can do in difficult times is prepare; themselves and anyone else who will be affected by the decisions one makes. This is a very rational sentiment and I agree doing everything with love is the most considerate and fullfilling method.

    I think guilt remains mostly with those who act irrationally and hurt those around them, though it may not be intentional. When you hold someone’s heart in your hands and you are preparing to give it back, you want to do so carefully and delicately so there are as few bruises or fractures as possible (as we know we have probably caused some along the way).

    I am currently going through this situation and, although it is not the first time, it is the most difficult time. I fear that friendship will not be possible as he may resent me for the mistakes I made throughout the relationship, not so much for ending it. But my hope is with showing what I have learned from him with gratitude, that it will instill more positive thoughts and feelings than negative.

    Thank you for sharing and providing useful strategies, it is often difficult to think clearly when we are in an emotional state; it is so helpful to have some solid guidelines!


  13. Mike

    Hi Tina,

    I came upon this article last week while I was trying to find help in ending my three year relationship. I want to thank you. Your words helped me get through one of the most difficult decisions in my life. After reading this article, I knew it was time to do it.

    I broke up with my girlfriend last night. It was such an emotional roller coaster. She means so much to me and I love her dearly, but we both want different things in life and we had to come to terms with that. I followed your advice and the break up was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my 21 years. We went through an hour of crying, laughing, and reminiscing the past. I was there for her and she was there for me.

    As I embark on the very long and painful journey to healing, I just thought I would write you a message. Keep writing and inspiring. Your words are very important to your readers. I will forever be grateful for your advice.

    Thank you!


  14. el

    Hi, what I have to do? Please help me. I’m in relationship for 4 years. Recently we are not going very well. He want only watch tv or play a computer or sleep. I’m bored. One month ago I found my first job. I met there a fantastic man. He is very smart and have a passion not only tv and computer. I think that he likes me. I can’t stop thinking of him. He is in my every dream. The life doesn’t have sense…

  15. I am glad there is people like you helping us to clarify our thoughts. Thanks!

  16. samson sebastine

    my name is samson sebastine from united kingdom i had a problem with my wife
    sometimes ago but never knew what the problem was,i tried to asked her but
    she refused to tell,me what it was as time goes on i discovered she was
    having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend,i
    was so sad that i never knew what to do next,during my search for a way out
    i met a friend of mine who had similar problem and introduced me to a man
    who helped him with his situation,on getting to the man i discovered he was
    a spell caster i was shocked because i have not had anything to do with a
    spell caster in my entire life so i tried to give this man a chance cos i
    never believed in spell casting as i thought it will not work for me but to
    my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my wife back from
    him even after the spell caster did all i discovered my wife fell much more
    in love with me on like before so i was so happy that i never know what to
    do for him so i am using this opportunity to tell anyone on this blog having
    similar problem visit am sure he will help you.

  17. @Mike. Hope it all ended okay, or at least as okay as is possible. It is always better to move on when feelings are no longer genuine, no matter how hard the breakup itself might be.

  18. Tina

    Thank you so much for this arcticle! I have been in a marriage with the person that is not right for me. I’ve been thinking about ending it for months but couldn’t get the courage to do it. I feel so guilty and sad about the whole thing. But I’m just miserable all the way around the longer I stay in this relationship. The only good thoughts I’ve had is when I think of myself on my own again. I’m still scared to end this relationship but this article has armed me with the right tools to do it. I know it is going to be really hard, but I also know that I’m wasting our time by staying. Uuuuggghh! This is gonna suck!
    But thanks again for sharing your experiences and knowledge with us! You’ve given me the push that I needed to move on with my life towards happiness. I’m tired of being miserable. Thank you!

  19. I have a friend and who used to be my co worker for a long time ago
    and i worked with GBST for 13 weeks and now i left there because of one man that i really can not really trust and he just really wants to end my career in dancing and he really thinks that i am not really good of handling supporting dancing companies and he really broke my heart
    and now i need to do a new start in my career and in my life

  20. Rebecca

    I only know what I would have done if I could go back in time and relive the pain that I’ve had to go through because of a bad breakup. So many times in my life, there have been opportunities in front of me that I missed (a nice guy, a hobby, a chance to go back to school) because of my pain. If I had taken advantages of those opportunities, I would have given my life new purpose and cut the time of pain into a half. In fact, looking back all I can see is wasted opportunity, without actually remembering the pain itself.

  21. Aimee


    I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on a particular situation I am going through.
    I am having a bit of difficulty finding appropriate sources of information to help me make my decision.
    I have been with my partner for over 5 years now and I love him very much. But throughout our whole relationship it has been problem after problem. Whether it be financial of friend and family related it never seems to get any better.
    Recently things have gotten a whole lot worse and I constantly find myself thinking that I am miserable and I don’t want to do this anymore. I just seem to fix his problems constantly.
    Now don’t get me wrong, I do love him very. very much. But here are the reasons I haven’t left so far.
    We have just had a baby daughter together and he loves her so much and he is a great dad to her.
    He has 2 other children and the mother left him and took the kids. I don’t know if I would be able to do that to him again. As I would feel responsible for causing him so much pain and I don’t want to take his daughter away.
    And lastly, there have definately been good times. But I just find myself thinking should a relationship really be this hard.
    Please, I really need some advice and some fresh perspective. I can’t keep wondering like this for much longer.
    The article was great to, but it also raises alot more questions for me!!!

    Thanks for caring enough about other people to write it!

    From Aimee

  22. Hi Aimee ~
    It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. You show your courage by your post here.
    Perhaps it’s time for you to sit down and think about what you want, not only out of a relationship, but out of life.
    Time is our most precious, and limited, commodity. No religious belief, family member, loved one or friend wants you to spend that life, your valuable limited time, unhappy.
    If you don’t currently journal, take time to go and pick out one that is just for the purpose of mapping out your future.
    Make a list of all that you want in this life, no matter how big or how small. List how having these things would make you feel. Write down how your happiness might impact your daughter, and her future.
    It’s like the Lewis Carroll quote from “Through the Looking Glass” ~ If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.
    Your life belongs to you. As a parent, you are responsible for your daughter, seeing that she is fed, clothing, educated and protected.
    You are NOT responsible for caring for this man as you are responsible for caring for your child.
    You are responsible for your own happiness.
    This man is responsible for his own happiness.
    If your budget allows, find someone you trust to talk to in person.
    It’s understandable to feel like you are stuck, to say, “I Don’t Know What To Do!”.
    You’ve created momentum for yourself simply by posting here.
    This thread has a great treasure of experience from which to draw, knowledge to absorb.
    Check out the website I’ve posted, led by Chicago psychiatrist Dr. Paul Dobransky.
    …and work on your list.
    Determine what you want first, then you can start working on how to get what you want.
    All the best to you ~ L

  23. Hanna

    I found this very helpful for the current situations I am in. I want to break up with a man that i have only dated for about a month. My reasons as follows:

    This man was married and been divorced. Its been 3 years. He approached me saying he wants to marry me on the first date:-) Although this sounded strange I could also see his genuineness so decided to give him a chance and date him. His got 5 kids. 2 during his previous marriage and 2 out side the marriage from 2 other women. At first I was under the impression that the 2 kids his got were before his marriage but it turns out to be he got them while still married. This means he was cheating his wife and could be the main reasons why he wanted to divorce him. Ever since I found out that I don’t t think his my cup of tea and want to end and move on. But this man is a good mad and would like to do it properly so that i can still maintain the friendship. This is mainly because I might need his circle of influence for business and want to leave the door open to use it when i need it. I have met his kids and his family already and things were getting serious. Now how do i do this? do I tell him my main reasons? I am afraid if his capable of cheating to the extent of having 2 kids while still married when they had difficulties it might not be a good sign for me and it would be naive to think he will not do the same under the similar situations. How do I do this?

  24. Witty

    I was recently broke up with and I wish we had read this! We were only for about a month but she decided to tell me via email…. Didn’t end end well. wasn’t my finest hour. :) Thanks for this article. Break ups are tough even for short lived romances. Its the rejection, i guess.

  25. Kiroro

    Hi Tina,
    Thanks for the article. I have walked out of a relationship ones when i discovered my girl friend was sleeping around. My mistake then was that i did not confront her about it, I just left. I’m not regreting leaving her but i should have handle the situation matuerly then.

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