Photo by
Hannes CasparThe simplest things are often the truest.~Richard Bach
Several years ago I went through an unwanted divorce. I felt I was losing so much that was important to me – my marriage, the daily presence of my children, my friends in that former couples-oriented world.
I moved from the large 1700’s farm house I had been restoring for the past 15 years into a very small apartment. More than half the possessions I had accumulated during my life wouldn’t fit, and had to go.
And part of my identity went with them. The part that had been a “husband” was suddenly gone.
Photo by
Satu KnapeIt is one of my sources of happiness never to
desire a knowledge of other people's business.~Dolley Madison
A few months ago I was speaking to my husband about a friend of ours who had made a purchase we thought was misguided. We spoke at great length, giving our opinion on why we thought it was a bad decision and questioning his judgment.
I remember feeling a little uncomfortable and a bit sad afterward. I felt upset, but I couldn’t quite figure out why.
A day or two later, my 30 Day Challenge group posed its usual question: What’s your challenge for next month? Immediately my heart said, Stop gossiping.
I balked at this; I got a little defensive even. I didn’t gossip! That was the kind of thing reserved for petty high school girls with nothing better to do. That wasn’t me. That’s not a real challenge.
Photo by
Hannes CasparWe grow primarily through our challenges,
especially those life-changing moments
when we begin to recognize aspects of our nature
that make us different from the family
and culture in which we have been raised.~Caroline Myss
When Oprah Winfrey interviewed Jane Fonda for The Oprah Magazine, these two amazing women touched briefly on the subject of caring about what others think of them.
Oprah:I’ve read that, like me, you’ve always struggled with the disease to please.
Jane:I used to walk into a party and think, Oh, my God, will I be interesting enough? Will people like me? Will I be pretty enough? Do I fit in? Now I go into a room and think, do I really want to be here? Are these people I want to spend a few hours with? It’s a big shift.
Oprah:How did you make the shift?
Jane:Hard work. Growing up.
Jane didn’t elaborate on her answer, and I’m not qualified to speak for her. But I think we can all relate to how she used to feel.
… and have no goals. This is a radical declaration for me.
Historically, I spend a few days in December reflecting on the past year and envisioning the New Year. I would carefully organize my goals into categories of personal growth, finances, career, family, wellness, travel, and refine to ensure each one is specific, measurable and timely. I assess the goal like a test tube subject to be sure that it has all the appropriate elements of a ‘great goal.’
After circulating my Official New Year’s Goal Document to my BFF and husband as accountability allies, I move onto a vision board with inspiring words, favorite quotes, dreamy magazine cutouts.
Photo by
Natalie DybiszLoving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric.
Loving oneself means caring about oneself,
taking responsibility for oneself,
respecting oneself, and knowing oneself.~Erich Fromm
I was going through a bad patch a while back. My self-esteem hit rock bottom, and nothing I did seemed to work. My relationships were a mess and my work was faltering. I felt unhappy and unsure of myself.
I have often wondered if The Mid-Life Crisis was smacking me. In retrospect, I think it was. And it was a good thing too, because I needed to change my ways a little.
Fortunately, my friends were there for me. While having coffee one day, a friend of mine lectured me, as good friends do when they’re tired of seeing you miserable.
She said “You’ve gotta love yourself before anyone else will love you”. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that all before, I thought.
Photo by
JUCOA man can not be comfortable without his own approval.~Mark Twain
Piling into her lavender Honda with her white terrier scrambling over us in the back seat, my grandmother would turn down the stories on tape my sister and I listened to religiously and tell us that it was time to boast.
What followed was usually always the same; we would squirm uncomfortably in our seats, hoping that we could somehow quickly change the subject.
But my grandma has always been an incredibly persistent woman, so we would reluctantly appease her request.
Photo by
Eduardo IzquierdoYou do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert,
repenting.~Mary Oliver
These days, as far as I can tell, some of the world is choosing drugs and distraction over soul-searching.
That’s not, you, though, right? You’re willing to do the work. You’re willing to look at the ugly stuff, and acknowledge the areas where you could use some work—whether it’s emotional, mental, physical, ethical, moral, or any other kind.
But like many things in life, there’s a shadow side to this.
At some point—if you’re not very careful—you may cross the line from personal growth into perfectionism: constantly assessing yourself and your flaws, berating yourself for not doing everything better, and then using the lessons of self-help not for freedom, but as another system for beating yourself up the very same way you would have before you started doing any work at all.
I loved this article. Reading it has brought a sense of peace into my otherwise rushed life. I felt my mind slowing down as I read. It’s so simple, yet graceful and so relate-able. Enjoy.
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.~Oscar Wilde
This winter took a lot out of me. The weather was milder than normal here in the Northeast, but my personal life was stormy and chaotic.
By May, when the harsh winds of conflict died and life returned to normal, I was still reeling. I found myself shuffling through my daily routine, feeling flat and disengaged.
It was, in part, a natural reaction to the stress of the previous months. One can only go full-force for so long, until the inevitable crash occurs.
But there was also an element of sheer boredom. Life felt dull and bland. Monotonous.
Photo by
Jon JacobsenTo overextend yourself is to invite defeat.~G. William Domhoff
A few years ago, after my husband and I got hitched, we flew to Italy and had a wonderful vacation, and when I got back I volunteered to host Thanksgiving dinner for our family and many of our friends. Early that day, my jet lag really kicked in, I was exhausted and couldn’t believe I’d offered to do this. Never again, I thought.
This is probably one of the best times to talk about overextending yourself. The holidays are here, and between shopping, baking, parties, and volunteering there seems to be hardly enough time for a regular work day, let alone exercise, laundry and cooking dinner.
I want to stress that I’m going to deal with general, low-level problems of over-committing ourselves. That is one symptom of what can be a larger problem for some of us. It certainly was for me; about six years ago I was extremely codependent. If you’re interested in more information on that, you can check out Codependents Anonymous’ Checklist.
Regardless of how much you struggle with codependence or taking on too much, these tips can help make things a little easier.
Two weeks ago my husband drove me to hospital, checked me in, and lovingly kissed me goodbye, whispering, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
I am normally a person who is well adjusted and at ease with the world around me, but as time drew near, for the operation, my heart began to shudder; the thought of having a part of my body removed was positively daunting.
I had to remind myself that many women had gone through this operation in the past and came out feeling much better than before.
As I changed into “the gown” I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves and surrendered to what was about to happen.
Photo by
Hannes Caspar
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
Photo by
