Find Peace in a Busy Life
Photo by
Vadim Pacev
Do you remember the last time you asked someone how work was? How about life in general? What was their response?
What did you say the last time you were asked those questions? I bet I know. It’s the same thing almost everyone I talk to says, and something I’ve been keeping track of the past few weeks.
The unanimous answer: “busy”
The response is almost programmed. No need to think. And then they look at me proudly, as if I should be impressed. Well, I can’t say that I am.
I must admit that “busy” has been my response for years. But how did we all of a sudden find ourselves in a society where busy was the most acceptable way to be spending our time?
We’ve talked of being busy for so long that we’ve forgotten that being busy was never the goal. We are not on this earth to be busy. We are here to build relationships, experience life, go places, create things, help others, or whatever else you decide. Our reasons for being will all be different but I have a feeling that none of us feel we are here simply to be busy. But this thinking has lead us to think busy is good…no matter what we’re busy with.
Being busy is not the way we should measure our worth. As mentioned in The Beginner’s Guide to Being Congruent, it is up to each of us to decide how we ought to be spending our time. I do not believe being busy is a worthy goal for any of us. Before you know it, you might get caught up being busy doing worthless things.
Sadly the business world continues to train us this way as employees are expected to put in 8 (or 10 or 12) hours of work a day even though some days we might have only 2 or 4 hours of productive things to do. But since we must seem busy, we fill the time. Maybe with Facebook, chatting, or web surfing. It’s poor life training. Tim Ferriss calls this Work For Work’s Sake and it isn’t helping.
I propose a revolt against being busy
Don’t get me wrong, I am not encouraging laziness or not getting things done. It’s quite the opposite. I’ve known business leaders and executives who’s schedules have enough going on to give you a migraine, yet they don’t feel busy at all. They feel calm, happy and congruent. If something important comes up, they have time for it.
Then I’ve met retired men who have all the time in the world to spend as they please, yet they always seem to be too busy for this or for that. Too busy for the things they love. They can never find enough time.
How can this be?
I’ve realized that busy is simply a state of mind. A state that often causes stress, unhappiness and waisted energy.
Commit to not being busy
I propose that we all take a moment to stop, recognize this unhealthy state, and make the decision to no longer be busy. Enjoy the weight that gets lifted off your back simply by changing your focus. Perception is reality and none of us need busy to be that reality. I bet you’ll get even more done and have time left over to do the things you really care about.
Personal Story: Don’t be too busy to serve your purpose
Last week I had a very full schedule. Meetings, events, projects. I had mapped out my whole calendar to be sure it all fit. Then right in the middle of the week I got a call from someone who wanted to get together for an hour to discuss her potential career transition. She had been with a company for over 14 years and recently began feeling as if she was in “career purgatory”, as she put it.
A while back I decided that anytime someone needs help with a topic of such importance (especially when they use those words…), I’d make it a priority to do all I can to help. My calendar was packed, but there was no way I was too busy to sit down with her. I met her for an hour coffee and didn’t leave for two and a half. It turned out to be the most rewarding, fulfilling and entertaining two and a half hours I’d spent all week.
She thanked me for meeting on such short notice and said “I can’t believe you could make time so quickly with how busy you must be.” Everyone assumes everyone is so busy. Little did she know I’d recently decided that busy wasn’t for me. This was exactly how I wanted to spend my time. I just hadn’t planned on it when the week started.
Life can never be too busy for the things that matter most to you. If you don’t have time for those, the busywork won’t matter anyway.
I am done being busy. That is no longer my response to life…and I am the guy who has a pile of todo’s and actions so long that they will likely never all get done. My calendar looks like a 19th century mosaic with all the things scheduled and planned. But that does not mean I’m busy. And that’s liberating.
Give it a try. This week, take the “I’m not busy challenge”. All you have to do is commit to not responding to anyone with how busy you are (even if it feels like you are totally swamped). Don’t even adjust your schedule. Just change your language. It will be harder than you think. You’ll stumble on what words to use to replace the cultural norm. Try “exciting” or “full” or maybe “all kinds of fun things”. And if they ask directly if you’ve been busy…give the refreshing answer “Nope I haven’t been busy at all.” Then begin to act like it. Enjoy the tranquility that follows.
How busy are you right now? Pride and satisfaction are not found in busy. Decide not to be. It doesn’t mean you don’t get things done. It just means you do them calmly and with intent.
“Being busy does not always mean real work.
The object of all work is production or accomplishment
and to either of these needs there must be
forethought, system, planning, intelligence,
and honest purpose as well as perspiration.
Seeming to do is not doing.”
~ Thomas Alva Edison
* How does it feel to leave busy behind? Tell us your thoughts in the comment section below. See you there!
It’s disappointing that most sectors assume that if you’re not busy you’re not being productive and therefor must be lazy. For this reason it’s easy to become addicted to a having a “busy” life because it automatically implies some kind of importance (justified or not)
I like the alternatives you suggest for the B word. Full and exciting have much calmer and enjoyable connotations.
I love it when I come across an article that beautifully explains a concept that I actually experience but have no idea how to share it with someone else.
Since I read Ferriss’ book back in 2007? I have made it my life’s work to never be busy again. I left everything behind, and it was wonderful. Ironically, I now find myself extremely busy, but I don’t feel rushed or stressed or busy at all. It’s just how you described:
“They feel calm, happy and congruent. If something important comes up, they have time for it.”
If something important came up a few years back, I would have blazed right by it. Never again.
~Mike
I would say, many worry about their job or are forced to work more because of increased costs of living.
In a lot of countries costs climb faster than income does.
But people have to feed their families. And of course they often do all necessary to achieve this. And it is not all just fun.
That said, the key is to learn having fun with things you usually might not find funny – like working hard outdoor on a hot day.
Great article! I totally agree that our perception dictates our reality. Therefore, if we think we’re totally busy with no time for friends, family and fun, then “voila” that’s what our lives magically become. I think a revolt against being busy is totally necessary. I’m going to try my best to embrace a less-busy mindset so that my life will follow suit : )
Thank you for sharing your point of view Scott. It’s refreshing.
I find it interesting, what Mike says about being more busy than ever, but not really feeling like it. I feel like when you start living in alignment with who you are and your purpose it really doesn’t matter how long your to-do list is. You’re actually excited to do the work, once you get into it.
Right on, Scott. I feel exactly the same way: I’m not impressed when someone tells me that they’re busy with a proud look on their face.
There are two things that I really dislike hearing from people, 1) “I’m so busy”, and 2) “I’m so tired”. This, to me, is just plain mismanagement of one’s life. And sad.
Hi Scott,
Good post, I agree with it 100%-! It’s tragic to know that people take such pride in saying how “busy” they are. In most instances, they’re “busy” doing the wrong things in life.
I liked how you made time for your friend in need, life’s about relationships.
Good stuff,
Cheers!
Great article! You are right, perception makes all the difference. If you perceive you are not busy, you will find time to accomplish a lot of additional things. This is because how our brain and mind works. Give a target to the brain, it will make sure you achieve it.
Hi. I do this so much. Tell people I am not really busy and they give me wierd looks. Sure, I have stuff to do but its all at its own pace. It doesn’t crowd my mind. People find solace in a crowded mind. It gives them importance to be busy. When we do what we like, and like what we have to do, we aren’t busy just working, living, ‘being’.
@Tresna: I completely agree. Why is busy such a great thing? It encourages us to waste time. If I work for a big company and I happen to be the most efficient person in the room and they start noticing me getting my work done in 2 hours instead of 8, then what’s going to happen? Are they going to let me leave after 2 hours? Of course not. They will expect me to do 4x as much work as the other people whom take hours to get it done. All of a sudden you find yourself messing around on Facebook and gmail and chat or whatever else since there is no incentive to be efficient and not be busy. All of a sudden we are all trained to be busy for no apparent reason. I hope we can all lead this revolt against filling time just for the sake of doing so.
I really appreciate the comment!
Scott
@ Mike: This is awesome! Tim Ferriss is really the guy who made me think twice (in 2007 for me as well) about work for work’s sake as he calls it. This is exactly what I was talking about above in my response to Tresna. The great thing is that a life full of people to see and places to experience and things to do is all great as long as you go through life doing it all consciously and congruently. When you are simply “busy”, you often miss the whole point. That is so cool to hear that those days are behind you. I think we both owe a thank you to Tim.
One book that gives awesome perspective to this is The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch. I recently wrote a summary of his book (which was the source material for Tim Ferriss’ thinking) and interviewed him on ReadingForYourSuccess if you’re interested. Really awesome approach to things.
Congrats and thanks for sharing!
Scott
@Martin: I certainly agree that the hard work is required. I think it’s more a state of mind than anything else. To be “busy” does not feel that good. It feels rushed, overwhelmed and stressed. Please do work hard and do all the things you dream of, just go with it calmly and collected. My guess is you’ll get even more done. And of course learn to enjoy every part of it.
Great point,
Scott
@Cailen: That’s awesome. It really is a mindset. And that is something we all have in our power to control. If you don’t have time for friends, family and fun, then what on earth does one have time for? Embrace the things that really make life worth living.
Have fun with it,
Scott
@ Michaela: You’re so right. That’s the best part about living on purpose. There really is no work when you are doing what you love. Just ask Tina. She’s the perfect example with what she’s done with this site! That is why it is so very important to discover your strengths, mission, purpose, values and how you are best meant to make a dent in this world. Then busy melts away.
Thanks for thoughts,
Scott
If my problem was a Death Star, this article is a photon todopre.
@Scott: OK, I think I got your message. It’s more of the mind status than slowing down – although the latter might be an effect of the changed mind status. ;-)
Being busy is all in the mind. I do agree with Pam Oveson. It annoys me a lot when I hear people say “I don’t have time for that…” There is always time. It’s just a matter of managing it.
It great to silence your mind from time to time. It alleviates stress and created inner peace.
@ Pam: So true. Those are two things that for the most part we are in major control over. Even a simple change in mindset can help you feel a ton less busy or tired. Have you ever noticed yourself falling asleep or feeling really lazy but then all of a sudden a new idea comes into your mind or a fun person enter’s the room and just like that you’re alive with energy again? Pretty amazing.
Thanks so much,
Scott
@ Parker: Yes. If you are going to be busy with anything then at least let it be with the things that matter most to you. Once that’s the case, you might not feel so busy anymore… Funny how that works.
Thanks,
Scott
@ Khush: Great point. So many people think that they actually need more time to get the important things done. Time’s the only thing we cannot produce more of. Look at it differently and some how the time appears.
Thanks for the thought!
Scott
@ Uzma: That’s great you’re already telling people you’re not busy (when I’m sure you have plenty of important things you’re working on). Isn’t it funny to see their reactions? It almost makes you feel badly about yourself since not being busy is perceived as negative in so many settings. Go spend a month on the beaches of Southern Spain and I bet you’ll get a little different feeling about busy. Not even sure they know the meaning of the word…
Thanks for the comment,
Scott
@ Miranda: I think what one’s really communicating when they say they don’t have time is that it is not that important to them. The things we value most will get done. All we have to do is give them some priority.
Glad we see things similarly!
-Scott
@ Jonathan: Agreed. The question is how do we silence it? I have found adventurous exercise and meditation to be some of the best for me. How about you? I actually just got back from a climb to the summit of Mt. Shasta in California doing just that. At 14,100 feet you have a pretty clear mind!
Scott
Hi Scott,
great post. I like the way you add your personal experience into it. Gives me the right reminder to the very true content.
enjoy
Françoise
Hello Scott,
That was a good read there, thank-you for that. It has been my experience with the word busy’ that people are looking for the destination and not making room for the moment. ie. get to the end of the work day, so you can do what you really want to do. I have found it useful to focus on a single word like “joy” for example at my most exhausting time of day/night and thereby creating a cushion or rather energy field around myself. A kind of check in time, a moment. In time the word busy’ just floats away from your day to day language because if you find time for yourself, you can be available for others.
~rc