6 Tips to Heal a Broken Heart

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Photo by Arif Akhtar

Many times in life we are faced with an experience where we pour our heart and soul into a situation and/or relationship only to have our heart broken.

We feel like all of our efforts were in vain, and although we gave our all, we are standing in the midst of the rubble that remains.

Often what happens after such an experience is that we decide that we will never allow ourselves to get hurt like that again, and so we do the smart thing and shut down.

We close off our hearts and are extremely cautious when it comes to love or any situation which requires us to open our heart and soul. We want proof that any venture of the heart is secure and safe.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

When I was fifteen, I had my heart broken into a million pieces, and what made it worse was that it was a culmination of many years of suffering.

Unlike many people, my childhood was far from ideal and by the age of 15, I was drained. Sounds dramatic, but that is how I felt.

One afternoon, I sat in my bedroom and plotted a plan to get over my pain. My plan was simple: Never let any human being get close, and never ever show my true self. In my warped 15-year-old logic, the idea of being a bitch was a wise solution.

Ignoring Isn’t Healing

So off I went and became a Type A rough-and-tough woman. I look back at those days and laugh, because I had no clue what I was doing. My heart goes out to the young woman I was, because she was so messed up.

For the next ten years, I ended up pushing people away, and although I had achieved wonders on a material level, my heart never really healed.

If anything, all I had done was shove it under a rug and ignored it. That did not heal anything — all it did was make things worse.

When I was twenty-five, my world changed because my perspective began to change. Every material goal only brought a greater realization of how empty my life was, and it scared the hell out of me.

The thought of the rest of my life being this empty was not something that I was going to tolerate.

One thing led to another, and I was forced to face my issues. In the process of doing so, I ended up healing my heart and realizing that shutting one’s heart to the possibility of being hurt is the stupidest thing you can do. Here’s why:

1. Things Happen for a Reason

People come into your life for a reason. Often it is to teach you something and/or to make you a better person. Throughout centuries and numerous belief systems, there has been a constant ideal that links them all.

The ideal is that things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are immediately apparent and other times they are not.

Whatever the case may be, be at peace knowing that any experience that you are having is happening for a purpose.

When I look back at my less-than-ideal childhood, I see why I had to have such an experience. It made me who I am now, and there is no other person that I would rather be.

Yes, I suffered and went through tremendous pain, but that pain brought me compassion and insight. I would not trade those days for anything.

2. All Experiences are Opportunities

Each relationship and each experience is an opportunity for mastery. None of us are born with infinite wisdom. Wisdom is earned, and we earn it through our experiences.

You have the free will to determine how you will experience an event. If the event does not work out to your liking, you can either let it destroy you or you can choose to take whatever lessons you can and just expand upon it.

This does not mean that you deny feeling upset or hurt. You have to allow yourself to feel what you feel, but you do not let those sad feelings paralyze you.

Allow yourself to have one day of a pity party, and then move forward. Being stuck is not attractive nor does it do anything positive.

3. Not Getting What You Want Can Be a Blessing

If a relationship does not work, be thankful. It means it is not good for you. When I look back at all my experiences where my heart was broken, I am so thankful that none of those relationships worked out.

If some of those experiences worked out as I had wished, I think I would have ended up in a far worse situation. Kind of ironic, right?

There is one law of life that we all need to embrace and that is: If something is good for you, it will happen. If something is not good for you, it will not happen.

Now there is a caveat to this law and that is point number four …

4. You Must Own Your Actions

As the famous saying states, “It takes two to tango.” Many times people will complain that the object of their affection did not do what was right and they often ignore what they did themselves.

Any relationship can be healed if people are willing to be open and honest. The blame game never solves anything.

And sometimes a relationship has to end regardless of how hard you may try to fix it.

Romance and life are meant to be a learning experiences but it is also meant to be easy.

If a relationship or a situation requires a lot of work to make it happen, then there is a chance that it is not meant to be.

Dating is great but marriage is a totally different adventure. If you are having tons of problems while dating, marriage will not necessarily make it easier. If anything, it might magnify all the issues.

5. There is No Such Thing as Failure

If a situation or relationship comes to an end, please do not think you are a failure.

Failure only occurs when you do not learn from the experience. And the irony is that often a lesson is repeated until it is learned.

So be gentle on yourself.

6. The Heart is a Muscle

One of the many things about the heart is that no matter how much it gets hurt, it still has the capability to love. It may get wounded and scarred but it is resilient.

To live a life based on love is one of the greatest things you can do. Love is not weak. Love is strong.

Love knows when to give and when to stop. Fear, on the other hand, is a weakling. It whines and cries and never seems to shut up. That is until you learn to just view it as a whiny little brat.

One of my favorite commercials is a Nike ad where Michael Jordan talks about all his so called “failures.” It shows that greatness is earned and sometimes only when you are lying flat on the floor and the ground is all that you see.

It is easy to give in to fear. It is easy to shut one’s heart.  But don’t you realize that by shutting off your heart you are denying the world your greatness and denying yourself the opportunity to not only love but to be loved?

If some person does not want to be with you then why belittle yourself? Send that person lots of blessings. Wish them well and go shine your light somewhere else.

So don’t play life small. You are capable of so much more and no human being is worth making you shut down your ability to love and shine.

There is some one who genuinely wants to be with you. They are just waiting to cross your path.