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Confessions of a Perfectionist

Guest post by Elana Miller Published in clarity, forgive

When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. ~African proverb

Treating myself kindly is not something that comes naturally to me.

From a young age, I believed I needed to be perfect to be any good. It was probably a combination of my natural type A tendencies and my family environment. My younger brother had a lot of problems when he was a kid, struggled in school, and often acted out. He was always in trouble.

My parents were probably happy to have one child who made things easy for them. I always did well in school, always behaved, and always followed the rules.

Everything seemed great up through high school. I got straight A’s without studying too hard, excelled on my school’s water polo team, and was a respected leader in my class. I was accepted to go to college at Harvard, and thought I was pretty special.

Being a perfectionist caught up with me, though. When I got to Harvard, I was immediately knocked off my high horse by people much smarter and more talented than I was.

Finding My Way Out of Depression

Guest post by Kelly Niven Published in depression

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. ~Paulo Coelho

If you had said to me at the peak of my suffering that it would be the best thing to happen, I would have thought you were mad.

If you had told me then that it would transform my life, change the direction of my career and enhance my relationships with my children and loved ones I would never have believed you.

But this is exactly what happened. I was stressed, highly anxious and thoroughly depressed at my worst. I never realised that this experience was a blessing! Up until this point I had been sleep walking through my life and it was the wake-up call I needed.

How to Set Goals with No Guilt

Guest post by Ally Palmer Published in clarity, happiness

When we’re in the grip of inspiration, an idea has taken hold of us from the invisible reality of Spirit. Something that seems to come from afar, where we allow ourselves to be moved by a force that’s more powerful than our ego and all of it’s illusions, is inspiration. ~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Goal setting can be a great tool for achieving and improving different areas of your life. It can also be a source of frustration, disappointment and anxiety.

We’ve all heard of the traditional S.MA.R.T. guidelines for setting goals (making your goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely). It seems to be widely touted by personal development gurus and business professionals, however it may not be for every goal seeker.

A few years ago, I worked with a business coach to help me grow my business. I learned a lot, but I also experienced many negative feelings like the ones mentioned above.

When I didn’t meet my goals, I would get very down on myself. I felt like something was wrong with me. My self-esteem went completely down the tubes.

Stepping into Visibility

Guest post by Britt Bolnick Published in clarity

The authentic self is the soul made visible. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about visibility after a two-day retreat dedicated to bringing my business to the next level.

For women, visibility can be a very mixed bag. And until this past week I hadn’t quite connected the dots around how our beliefs and fears about personal visibility so deeply impact our ability to put ourselves (and our heart-centered businesses) out there.

I grew up in the West Village of New York City in the 80’s. As a pre-teen walking the streets of NYC I attracted a lot of unwanted attention from men.

The Gifts of Being Vulnerable

Guest post by Kaci Metzger Published in happiness

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy. ~Jim Rohn

Not too long ago, I found myself sitting around with a group of friends playing the One-Word game—a game where each person uses one word to honestly describe another person in the group. Everyone goes around until they have been “worded” by everyone else.

It’s fun and exciting until you get labeled as something you don’t necessarily identify as positive. The word that kept coming up for me: Guarded.

I got it. It made sense. I have a difficult time opening myself up to people.

Path to Simplicity

Guest post by Tom Atkins Published in wisdom

The simplest things are often the truest. ~Richard Bach

Several years ago I went through an unwanted divorce. I felt I was losing so much that was important to me – my marriage, the daily presence of my children, my friends in that former couples-oriented world.

I moved from the large 1700’s farm house I had been restoring for the past 15 years into a very small apartment. More than half the possessions I had accumulated during my life wouldn’t fit, and had to go.

And part of my identity went with them. The part that had been a “husband” was suddenly gone.

Love Yourself: The 90/10 Principle

Guest post by Kirsten Long Published in happiness

Loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. Loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself. ~Erich Fromm

I was going through a bad patch a while back. My self-esteem hit rock bottom, and nothing I did seemed to work. My relationships were a mess and my work was faltering. I felt unhappy and unsure of myself.

I have often wondered if The Mid-Life Crisis was smacking me. In retrospect, I think it was. And it was a good thing too, because I needed to change my ways a little.

Fortunately, my friends were there for me. While having coffee one day, a friend of mine lectured me, as good friends do when they’re tired of seeing you miserable.

She said “You’ve gotta love yourself before anyone else will love you”. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that all before, I thought.

How to Have Everything You Want

Guest post by Meredith Forder Published in wisdom

Photo of Gala Darling by Made U Look Photography

Two weeks ago my husband drove me to hospital, checked me in, and lovingly kissed me goodbye, whispering, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”

I am normally a person who is well adjusted and at ease with the world around me, but as time drew near, for the operation, my heart began to shudder; the thought of having a part of my body removed was positively daunting.

I had to remind myself that many women had gone through this operation in the past and came out feeling much better than before.

As I changed into “the gown” I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves and surrendered to what was about to happen.

6 Questions to Access Your Inner Wisdom

Guest post by Julie Hoyle Published in clarity, wisdom

You can do anything you want to do in this lifetime. ~The Dalai Lama

One bone numbingly cold winter morning in January 2003, my husband Tony and I were carefully making our way to work, which was no easy commute.

At the time we were living in Kiev, the capital city of the Ukraine where winter months are so frigid, it hurts to draw a breath.

We had moved there to take up teaching positions in an international school after having been living in an ashram in India.

Initially we had been excited by the thought of such a dramatic change of scene, but the reality of it was proving to be brutal.

Death of My Father

Guest post by Tommy Whitaker Jr. Published in relationships, wisdom

Editor’s Note

Reading this made me cry. It contains an important lesson. Take a minute to read this story and reflect on its lessons.

If you admire someone you should go ahead and tell them. People never get the flowers when they can still smell them. ~Kanye West

I lost my dad in 2003 when I was 22 years old.

I still remember the day it happened like it was yesterday. My mom woke me up and told me that my dad had called and believes he’s having a heart attack.

I jumped in my car and drove over to his home to see how he was. On my way over there, I called him and asked if he needed me to call an ambulance. He responded “yes”. So I called 911.

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