New Beginning
Photo by
Kevin Russ
For the past 8 months, I have been silently battling with, and drifting in and out of a state of depression. Perhaps it was the changing hormones in my prenatal and postnatal body, or perhaps it was life’s way of teaching me something new.
It has been a very painful process, but when I observe this period of my life from other perspectives, I realized that I am learning and relearning some of the most incredible lessons, through which I am able to recognize and change some old and very ridged behavior patterns and limiting beliefs.
This is a quick post to let you know that I am still alive, and that I am going through a tremendous period of healing, and that I am thinking about and writing the next full-fletched Think Simple Now style article, for you.
Last night, Ryan slept through the night for the first time since he was born, and I got 5-6 hours of continuous sleep, and I feel – for the first time in five months – like a human being again.
So hang in there, I am feeling better everyday, and I will be back very soon. Until then, here’s something that’s helped me in my own healing:
“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect whole, and complete, and yet life is ever changing. There is no beginning and no end, only a constant cycling and recycling of substance and experiences. Life is never stuck or static or stale for each moment is ever new and fresh. I am one with the very Power that created me, and this Power has given me the power to create my own circumstances. I rejoice in the knowledge that I have the power of my own mind to use in any way I choose. Every moment of life is a new beginning point as we move from the old. This moment is a new point of beginning for me right here and right now. All is well in my world.”
~ Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life)
Update:
Here’s the follow up article: How I Stopped Feeling Depressed
Hey Tina,
It is great to have news from you and the Family! True friends are always here! Living life honestly like you if beautiful and everyone is learning so much about them self just reading your post… I have no writing skills but just wanted to let you know that all I want (most certainly lots of others) is your Happiness! Take your time, get better, reach out and use us for energy! We are all right here waiting for you no matter how long you need! HUGS!!! :-D A Bientôt ma belle Tina.
I remember my children sleeping for 5 hours – it was magical! (Or at least I started to feel sane again.)
You have many people sending loving thoughts to you… and it will get better. Hang in there.
hi,how are you?Your “Never Work Again”is wonderful,
I want to live a simple life.
Do you like visiting?
welcome to visit EXPO2010 shanghai china .
I’m here!
Tina! I miss your writing, be safe, heal safe, and I along with thousands look for your return.
All the best,
Parker
I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing. Motherhood is a big deal and a bid adjustment. I’m still adjusting with a 9 and a 4 year old!! I think I’ve found one of the keys is still maintaining some part of your week that’s just for you. I know, way easier said than done. I still haven’t mastered it myself but I’m working on it!
Best of luck – and looking forward to reading more of your wonderful posts. Always my favorites. :)
I know that you will be able to get through this temporary phase. It’s only a matter of time.
Hi Tina,
I can very much relate to your feelings. I have been battling depression for about 2 years. There’s times when I’ve felt guilty because I have a beautiful family and I don’t see why I should be depress but this is a battle which I hope to fight day by day. Some days are better than others. On good days I try to give my best to my family and be the best I can. So hang in there and take care of yourself for your husband but most of all for baby Ryan. I really look forward hearing from you soon. You have been greatly missed.
You are a parent now and going through the hormone changes as well. On top of that, you are a person who is very much in tune to your emotions and thoughts. This is who you are and who you have become. Try to not take things too seriously. I am in no way trying to make light of your personal situation. Having a baby, sleepless nights and all the worries of being a parent can bring anyone to the brink of breaking!
I am the father of two beautiful daughters, inside and out. One is 31 and the other is 21. Even with spacing 10 years between them, I still worry relentlessly about them to this day. I have always thought that my sole purpose for being on this Earth was to bring these two people in the world, who are and will be better people than I. This is my legacy…being a parent, focused on them, so that also makes for a very stressful life, as they go through all the phases of their lives.
My famous saying that my family and friends know me know is: “Concerning having children….It’s ain’t all Christmas morning!” ….meaning that it IS one of life’s most difficult jobs…and it never, ever goes away.
Again, I don’t want to say that you are not having a serious issue and I am not saying anything negative about being a parent.
What I am saying is YOU are going through what a GOOD parent goes through because you care so much. Take a lot of deep breaths, meditate IF you ever find time and be easier on yourself. Imagine what moms went through 50 or more years ago, when they felt the way you do, people thought they were mentally insane OR they had to stay quiet about how they felt and suffer without the understanding of the medical or rest of the world.
I hope this helped in even a small way. Take care. You will enjoy a lifetime of fulfilling love and memories from your child. :-)
So glad you are well Tina! I keep checking back in to TSN for new posts and for inspirations for our sites own reviews and articles. Can’t wait to read what you have to say next. We ate here to help however we can!
Something that always puts me in a good state is a yogic chant I learned a couple years back. I’m going to butcher the spelling but here goes:
om niva shivaya gurave
sacidananda murtayee
nisprapancia shantaya
niralambya murtayee
my thoughts are with you,
Scott
Thanks for the update.
I hope everything works out for you soon. All the best!
Dear Tina,
Its really good to be reading your words again. Am sure you have the strength in your soul to emerge with greater learning and wisdom.
Looking forward to your new renewed emergence :-)
God bless
Hi Tina! I I read your posts many times to cheer myself up when I wasn’t doing so well. Hope you find the joy in your life again. Remember nothing lasts forever and these shall pass. You are the creator of your experiences, you are powerful and beautiful inside.
Remember who you are.
Love and Light,
Carolina.
Hey Tina!
Glad to know you’re still alive and well (and doing better day by day)!
I am sending you and the family lots and lots of love, support, and joy. Oh and more sleep too. :)
Hugs,
Nathalie
I hope Ryan continues to sleep through the night so you can start feeling human some more! Look forward to reading the new articles again.
Hi,
Thanks for sharing I’m sure that many mothers can relate. When I was a practicing psychologist I saw the depths of depression through clients…new moms etc.
I also saw them heal. Take all the time you need and don’t worry about readers. All is well.
Tina,
As one who has known clinical depression, I offer you my own story of hope. I know what sleep deprivation does to you and will breathe a prayer for you as I turn in to sleep tonight.
Here is a recent blog post looking back on depression from the other side. http://www.100memoirs.com/2010/04/a-story-of-hope-for-those-who-struggle-with-depression/
Sounds like you are getting ready to tell a similar story.
Hi there, a friend showed me your blog. I have a 18 months baby and can totally relate to your situation. You are not alone, many women had a depression after a child birth. Hang in there, better times will come and I can assure you that things will improve! It is not easy to start a new life sleep deprived, to say the least…
In fact, I felt like I had reborn together with my baby and relearn almost everything over again…
;)
Sofia, from Portugal
Glad your back!
Hi Tina,
Nice to see you´re back!
This is just a phase, soon all be worth it.
I slept little with my first child in the first months, some years later I had almost forgotten it.
I keep learning from your site.
All the best .
being sleep deprived is sooo not fun. it will get better (much!) once you all are sleeping fairly regularly through the night. we took all of the advice we received, but to no avail; as you likely know, some babies just won’t sleep through the night until they are fully ready. and goodness knows why they finally figure it out, but sending good wishes your way that this is a new trend!
all the sleepy best.
Hi Tina – thanks for your post! I too am a new mommy to a now 8 month old baby girl. It took her 6 months to finally sleep through the night so things are a lot better. But I remember the first few months were just BRUTAL – I often wondered how people ever managed to take care of more than 1 kid.
I felt stir-crazy for the first few weeks and needed to get out of the house. I recently joined a mommy group which has been great. The moms get together and bitch/chat while the lil’ ones play.
Keep your head up Tina. Like all things, this too shall pass. Keep smiling and adding great value through your blog. We’re here for you.
Aw Tina! All of our thoughts & prayers are with you! I’m sure this journey has been tough but you’ll come out it wiser and more brave and beautiful!
Good to hear from you Tina! As you wrote, it is time for you personal healing, time to take care of yourself and learn about yourself.
You have certainly help many by your writings also it is for me to send you positive vibes, you will make it and you will grow stronger and little by little you get it thru. More beautiful and more entire.
Big hug
Welcome back, Tina. It’s tough with babies – remember to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Don’t bottle it up!!!
Here’s to change!
:) Laura